Tuesday, March 07, 2006

Dirty Words

No one can have a higher opinion of him than I have, and I think he's a dirty little beast.--W. S. Gilbert

I don't know who W.S. Gilbert is (well, now I do because I just looked him up), but he's apparently been to Repo's house. I'm dating a slob. Who has slobby roommates. Which takes a lot to say, coming from me, The Queen Slob. (I'd rather go to the dentist than clean my room!)

The first time I went over to his house, I thought it was just smelly by coincidence. You know, like they just needed to take the garbage out or something. And I thought that all the dog hair would be gone the next time I came over. Not so much. The next time, it was stinkier and hairier. There was even more clutter and it was even dustier than before. "Look, there are three single working guys living here and two big dogs. This is what happens." And I thought No, this is what happens when frat boys grow up.

The third time I was there, I noticed that the bathroom was covered in a layer of hair. And the formerly white tub is brown all on the bottom. Ew. Repo informed me that his roommate, Tiny, shaves his head twice a week so there is incidentally a lot of hair. "I'm sure that's true. But does it mean that he is incapable of cleaning up after himself?" I asked.

Repo's room isn't too bad. But he really needs to vacuum. It looks like someone threw a parade in there because there are itty-bitty bits of paper all over the floor. Not to mention dirty clothes, trash, mail, shoes, etc. His laundry basket holds about 10 loads of dirty clothes, piled up to the ceiling. He has more clothes than four women combined. There is dust everywhere. There is a coffee cup that has been on his bedside table for about three weeks. Actually, come to think of it, his room is not clean. It's just the only one that doesn't smell.

The other day I came over and he announced when he opened the door that he had cleaned the kitchen. Oh boy, I can't wait to see what you think 'clean' means I thought. I didn't want him to feel like I was testing him or something, so I casually glanced around. It was....okay. He didn't wipe off the food-encrusted stovetop, but that was the biggest gap I saw. Not the best, but much improved. At least there weren't any dirty dishes in the sink.

His other roommate, Golf Guy, is apparently a "neat freak". (Repo's words, not mine.) While GG is the neatest of all by far--it was organized, I could spend at least 45 minutes in his room, cleaning. I'm really amazed that someone who keeps their room so nice would tolerate a living/dining area that is so disgusting.

I'm considering cleaning it myself. Or convincing them to hire a maid. Or at least just donating some candles to them. But I don't want to mother them. Even though sitting on their couch and walking barefoot on their floor and using their bathroom make me cringe.

Don't get me wrong. I know that men's eyes do not see dirt as easily as women. It's a genetic thing. I get it. (I read it somewhere....but can't find it now...) I would never expect a house full of single guys to be as clean as my house. I just expect it to be decent. That's why I have told Repo that I'm not coming over to his place until it is clean. Trust me, you would too.

7 comments:

Vixen said...

Eeewwww! I know it might be hard, but you do have to resist the urge to clean up. once you do it and realise how fab the place is clean, you will be tempted to do it on a regular basis just so that you can go over!

Just another reason to have him spend more time at yours...lol.

Why do you call him Repo anyway?

NewYorkMoments said...

Ummmmm...do frat boys actually ever grow up?

Stuck said...

There are several reasons why you should not clean his place...

1) He will not keep it clean. Even if he tries, he will never be able to meet your girl-standards of cleanliness.

2) You might move his favorite (insert random item) from its place of honor to some obscure location, thus enraging him when he can't find it.

3) Worst case scenario... he might see you cleaning his place as setting a precedent. Personally, I'd wait until his birthday and hire a cleaning service for one day. That way you can't set an expectation.

Virginia Belle said...

Vixen-- I know, i have to resist temptation! I call him Repo because he does collections for a furniture rental company, so part of his job requires him to repo people's stuff. He tells me the funniest and craziest stories about it! He hates his job, though (wouldn't you?), which makes me worry about him.

NYM--um, no, i don't think so...they get married and then someone else cleans up after them. somehow the woman must convince them that empty liquor bottles don't qualify as "home decoration"! (I have yet to convince them of this. but i'm working on it.)

Stuckey--1. totally correct. 2. another excellent point. i don't want to be that girl who tries to throw all his stuff away or change him. 3. um, i would do this, except that his birthday is January 3rd...

The Dummy said...

Good call - and I don't recommend that you clean up for him. As nice a gesture as that is, that sends a message that tells him it's okay to be a slob. Withholding your presence from his place is the best thing you can do, and reminds him that he was to WORK for your attention!

sassafras said...

I'm not much of a clean freak either, but I do have some standards. Way to stay stong =) Hope he comes around!

NML said...

Yeuch! I agree with DD - don't offer to clean! If you do, you'll be an enabler - not attractive! I'm not good with smells though.....