Diets?! If I wanted something small and unsatisfying, I'd call my ex!
That is what my calendar says for the month of July. How appropriate...actually, I just think it's funny. K got me this retro-style calendar that says something funny about men every month. Oh, and please don't think that I am implying anything about Repo's size. That was never a problem...but anyway...
So I actually cried at work today. Nice. My coworker has been following my dating life, and she always gives me wonderful encouragement. I just love her to pieces for this. I have decided to go Cold Turkey on Repo because it is just too painful and difficult to talk to him and see him. It just messes with my head and I can't handle it right now. I have faced the facts: I am wasting my time, waiting for him to want to be with me. This is stupid. I deserve to be with someone who doesn't have doubts or need space. He's obviously happy living the single lifestyle, so I need to be, too. (I haven't talked to him since...well, Saturday, really) I have been in denial for weeks, but today I finally thought, "Enough!". I'm just going to have to face it: he doesn't want to be with me and I have to start dating again. Hence my crying to my coworker.
...and the fact that I haven't totally quit smoking yet. But I have cut down--one or two per day. I know, I know. I suck. But I have a steadfast breakup rule: as long as I am still crying about it, I let myself have a cigarette. It is the only thing that keeps me together sometimes.
I just wish I had some motivation! Motivation to stop feeling sorry for myself. To exercise. To lose weight. To get a new job. I am crazy because if my love life is bad, everything else in my world is automatically bad, too. (Do other single girls do this?) And then I just want to throw a big pity party for myself. I didn't mind the rest of my life a few weeks ago, when everything was peachy keen in my love life. Lately, all I see is the negative and I just feel like a big, fat loser.
I gotta snap out of it! I need to just start getting busy and doing things that make me happy again. I must go on a Repo Cold Turkey Diet, a Smoking Cold Turkey Diet and a Misery Cold Turkey Diet. Gah, I haven't had this hard of a time getting over a breakup in a long, long time. Like...three years. Wow. I will get out of this period of sadness. It's just the stage that comes after the anger stage...so I'll throw a pity party for a few days, then I will move on to the next stage: cynicism.