Thursday, August 03, 2006

Pant Rant & Elusive Carrots

Sorry for the lack of posting, folks. Just haven't had much to say. Slow week. It's too hot to do anything! But since Lady Starfish is nagging me to post something because she is bored, I will appease her. *rolls eyes*

I was warned about how addictive Myspace can be. I didn't listen. I have been talking to some people I haven't seen since I was 16! So weird. People from high school are married is nuts. I'll try to wean myself away for a little while so I can catch up here.

I forgot to tell y'all about the doggie swimming party. It was four girls and four dogs. And we had a blast, laughing at our dogs, talking about our dogs and swimming with our dogs. Sammy isn't big on water, but it was so hot. I held him under my arm and he seemed to like it a lot better. He also humped everyone incessantly. So embarrassing. Yet hilarious. We were all too wet to take pictures, so I'm afraid I don't have any good ones. I highly recommend this type of get-together.

I haven't returned or answered any of FedSucksy's calls. I think he gave up. This is good. Asshole.

I went shopping last night. Because I needed some casual pants for work. And I was sick of all my skirts. (Read: I am too fat for all of my clothes and had to buy some new ones.) Shopping for pants is always a challenge because:

1. Pants are hard to find. Everything is capris, gauchos, shorts or skirts.
2. I have very wide hips. This means that capris, gauchos, shorts and most skirts look horrible on me. They make me look like I have stumpy midget legs and a big fat ass. I need long, dark, bootcut pants.
3. I have saddlebags. This means that pockets of any kind near the waist/hip/thigh region make me look like I have gained 10 pounds. Like I need the reminder.
4. All the pants I have seen lately have pockets. Or they are camouflage. (WTF? When did this look come back? I thought we just got rid of it.)
5. I am shopping for pants in August.

Do you see what I am up against?? So, how amazing is it that I found two pairs I like for a whopping total of $30?!! It has taken me about a month and at least 4 trips to the mall. But I finally found some.

I wish the clothing manufacturers would:

1. Let the damn capri thing die. In the past 5 years, that is all you can come up with? If I see them again next year, I am going to write a letter telling them what they can do with their damn capris.
2. Or at least give those women of wider girth options other than "the midget look". Short pants = big rear. Please please help us, clothing people.
3. Realize that slash pockets need to be banned. They poke out like wings on most women. We don't need wings on our hips. Or pockets at all, really. That's why we have purses. And stop telling me to sew them up. That doesn't work.

Moving along...I went to Sonic with K. I freaked because I didn't know where my wallet was, only to realize I had left it at home. I must be getting old. Have you ever tried that Ocean Water? It is weird. It is kinda like drinking diluted suntan lotion. But it's not bad. Yes, I realize this is hard to believe, based on that description. However, I probably will just stick with my Diet Cokes from now on. Or the lemon creamslush. Mmmm...

I did manage to drag my fat ass to the gym this week. I did an hour of cardio. Go me. (I can feel a major health kick coming on, I swear.)

Then I went to dinner last night with MJ. And smoked a bunch of cigarettes. So I kind of un-did all my hard work. But we were having a bitch fest, so Camels were in order. We went to my favorite Mexican restaurant in town. I heart Mexican cuisine. I can eat it every day.

I also heart MJ. She is awesome. So fun. I can eat her up with a spoon.

After dinner, we went to console The Poet. The girl he had been seeing broke things off. He was at Flying Saucer all by himself. Poor guy. So we gave him a pep talk. And gave him some advice. I told him about my Elusive Carrot Theory. The theory states:

In a relationship, one should always strive to be an elusive carrot: Oh so tempting, yet just out of reach.

I forget where I heard this, but I think it is a good rule of thumb. Basically, your goal in a relationship is to be close enough so the other person knows you are great, but far away enough so that they never feel they "have" you and can slack off or stop appreciating you. Elusive Carrots don't come on too strong. They don't pressure. They are busy and don't really need anyone. They are available....sometimes.

I also told The Poet that in relationships, if you are doing more than the other person is doing: more calls, more attention, more work, more affection, etc., it will build resentment and blow up in your face. You should never be doing more than the other person is doing. It is a recipe for disaster. *ahem* I should know.

Of course, these are easier said than done. And I'm not very good at them myself. But it's good to have goals, right? Knowledge is half the battle.

MJ and I told him a lot of stuff and gave him a lot of advice, some of which should probably have been a little more sugar-coated by me...but it was so weird to give out the same advice I have been given. The same advice I myself can't follow. I guess I am a huge hypocrite! It was almost like looking into a mirror and talking to myself. Except that The Poet doesn't resemble me in any way!

The Annual Beach Trip is coming up next week. My nursing buddies (and the friends I have met through them) rent a beach house on Edisto Island every summer. This year is the first time I am able to go. I'm bringing Sammy and even though it will just be for a long weekend, I'm pretty excited to get some sand in-between my toes. The only problem is, a few of the people who normally go can't go this year. So Brunette and I are running around trying to find people who can go with us. I hope MJ and her friend KT can go. Otherwise, Brunette, Blonde and I will have to pay extra! (K is going out of town, otherwise she would be going too.)

In other news...poor K has had the crappiest day. She applied for a part-time job and it didn't go well. She had to take a typing test, which was extremely nitpicky and difficult (can you type a hyphen without looking?), so she doesn't think she got it. Then, after a week of not hearing from him, Navy Guy calls and he was cranky from lack of sleep and said a bunch of stuff that got her upset. (He is somewhere in the Pacific Ocean right now.) And since I'm stuck at work until 9pm, she has to sit on the couch alone, being sad and upset. I hope Sammy is keeping her company.

Little does she know I got her a present that I am going to surprise her with tonight! The pjs she wanted finally went on sale and I got them for her. We are going to eat ice cream and sit in our pjs when I get home from work. I got them last night, thinking it would either cheer her up or be a "congratulations on the new job!" present. Go me.

Sorry, no Thursday 13 this week. I couldn't think of a good topic! Tomorrow is Friday! Woo hoo!!!


M said...


I so, so agree with the elusive carrot theory and the "don't do more work" theory.

I read a great book called Break Up to Make Up. She has a new twist on the elusive carrot theory. She explains how sometimes you need to move towards someone and sometimes you need to move away. It is a little less harsh than "The Rules" book which touts always being the elusive carrot and never letting a guy see the real you.

I am so bad at being elusive if I like a guy.

I am always attracting guys I don't want because I ignore them and scaring the away the guys I do like by giving them too much attention!

M said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
MoDigli said...

I'm a fan of A-line skirts and bootleg pants. They are both so flattering to those tough spots like hips and thighs!

I need a shopping trip!

Miss Fire said...

I just went through the "shopping for pants" debacle. I think I'd rather have a root canal.....

So, is Sammy neutered?

I hate MySpace - too many tweeners tYPinG liKe ThiS and using abbreviations I don't know WTF they mean.

Edisto Island - ahh.......hope the Atlantic is cooler than the Gulf (96 degrees).

Vixen said...

Even when you say you have nothing to post, you do manage to come up with the most interesting posts.

cmk said...

Capri pants + barely 5'1" + overweight = not a good look! You have to be 5' 11" or taller and weigh 109 pounds or less in order to pull the capri pant look off well. As you can see, it isn't very easy for me to buy clothes. :(

Red said...

I used to work for a company that required us to wear pleated pants. I don't care how skinny one is, in pleated pants you look like a tank. And gaucho pants?? Holy hell that is the worst fashion trend since parachute pants!

I'm with Miss Fire about myspace.. I just don't get it.

Virginia Belle said...

M-- that book sounds great. i will have to look for it. yeah, the thing is, it's all great in theory...but a different thing altogether to actually DO it.

Mo-- yes! i love a-line skirts. they are very flattering. but i have like 6 of them. sometimes, you wanna wear pants, you know?

Miss Fire-- yes, Sammy is neutered. And the dog he was humping most of the time is not. makes no sense. And yes, myspace does have a lot of that. But i am only on there to keep in touch w/long lost friends, and since they are my age, they dont' do all that junk. i can't believe the gulf is that hot. that's like taking a hot bath!

vixen-- thanks. i have been thinking my posts have been a little ADD lately, but i'm glad someone doesn't mind.

cmk-- yes! you are exactly right! that is why there are so many women running around wearing capris when they have no business wearing them. and dangit, i'm not going to be one of them.

red-- that is criminal. pleated pants look good on no one. they also should be banned. I didn't get myspace either until i realized you can search for people on there. i have found high school friends, sorority sisters, long lost college is great.

Gypsy said...

Pleated pants are from the devil. I do wear capris, though, even though I'm chunky and rather short. It's too hot not to, and I don't wear shorts. Ever.

I have never been any good at any kind of relationship game. I suck. It's just me -- that's what you get. If I like you, you know it. If I just want to screw you, you know it (and I'm genial about it). I can't keep anything to myself, and I'm so not elusive. More like ever-present kumquat. Or something.

But I do think that, without any sort of game playing or being something you're not (i.e., carrot-like), it comes down to living your life first, being true to yourself, not sacrificing too much of yourself (or your time) to be someone's do-girl. You know? I had to learn that the hard way. And I still haven't quite learned it.

shell said...

i LOVE the elusive carrot theory. simply fantastic.

Christina_the_wench said...

Your posts always make me laugh. Give up MySpace now. We'd miss you terribly.

Anonymous said...

Ma'ams - Thank you for the post. I enjoyed it very much. You are the best ever :) Love Lady Starfish.

Original Me said...'re such a sweet friend, buying the PJs!

Random Musings Of My Life said...

Ok I feel your pain about hte saddle bags. WHY ME!! (and you) I have come to terms that I will never be able to get rid of them but you know who has FANTASTIC pants for the saddle bag proplem ladies?
New York, New york I am not sure if you have it there but me and my bags shops there

OH and I like the new pic! Good choice

Anne said...

You are such a good friend..K is lucky to you have you and your pj gifts. Is there really a better gift than that?

NML said...

You're so funny! I am going through trouser trauma at the moment and I'm too lazy to spend anymore time in the shops. Good on you with Fedsexy...he is a dipstick. I am loving this dog pool weird is that!?