Friday, December 08, 2006

Let's Pretend...

...that all this traveling I'm doing this month is actually because I'm mega-ultra famous, and I'm going on tour. I know I can't sing. Or dance. Or act. But I'm just famous, ok? Go with me on this one. It's fun. Besides, this is a good way to procrastinate on packing for Orlando.

I was reading over at Gypsy's blog yesterday, and she had the coolest post--her list of rider requirements if she were famous. Like her, I'm never going to be so high maintenance that I'd ask someone to pick out all the green M&Ms or anything like that. But if I were allowed, this is what I'd ask to be ready and waiting for me backstage or in my trailer:

1. chocolate twizzlers
2. sour mix jelly belly jellybeans
3. Milk Maid caramels (no other kind will do)
4. diet coke.
5. more diet coke. just tons of it.
6. ice
7. a huge glass out of which I will drink my diet coke--with a straw
8. Starbuck's vanilla lattes (I don't know how that will work, either. It's not my problem. I'm famous, remember?)
9. Camel lights -- at least 3 packs.
10. a lighter and a big ashtray
11. cable TV & a DVD player
12. a stereo so I can play my CDs if I want
13. a Henri Bendel candle from Bath and Body Works-- the Fig one.
14. a collection of recent issues of the following magazines: In Style, People, Country Living, Real Simple, Cosmo, Allure, Glamour
15. ten of my favorite movies on DVD so I can watch them when I want
16. Light Nacho Cheese Doritos
17. Lean Pockets -- Chicken Quesadilla flavor
18. a microwave to cook my "pockets of hot"
19. a bed and toys for Sammy
20. Cranberry-Raspberry juice (and I mean 100% juice. None of this cocktail crap.)
21. Roast beef, Dukes mayo, sliced cheddar and whole grain bread so I can make sandwiches
22. Yoplait light yogurt in Raspberry
23. a charger for my cell phone
24. a laptop with wireless internet (I told you I am really famous and important)
25. a soft pillow and polar fleece throw so I can take a nap on the couch they provide
26. Excedrin in case I get a headache
27. light cookies n cream ice cream in the fridge
28. spoon and dish for said ice cream
29. manicurist/pedicurist on call
30. anti-bacterial hand soap, my own private bathroom & clean towels
31. 'round the clock limo service
32. a masseuse (sp?) on call--he must be young, straight and hot as hell.
33. pulled pork and BBQ sauce from Sticky Fingers, along with hamburger buns so I can make BBQ sandwiches
34. oreos and milk, just in case I get a craving
35. a big order of Chik-fil-a's chicken nuggets, and ketchup to dip them in
36. the day's issue of the local paper, and a pen so I can do the crossword puzzle
37. a big fluffy robe and slippers
38. an iron and ironing board so I can iron my clothes if necessary
39. Raspberry-flavored sparkling water
40. macaroni and cheese
41. butter biscuits
42. a loaf of my mom's pumpkin bread
43. an elliptical machine so I can burn off all those calories! (Gah, am I food-obsessed or what??)
44. enough seating so that my entourage and I will have plenty of room to lounge around
45. board games: Trivial Pursuit, Scattergories, Taboo, Monopoly, Risk
46. an original Nintendo, so I can play all the Super Mario games and Tetris

See? I didn't even ask for flowers. I'm low-maintenance like that.

Who says women are impossible to please? I only need 46 things to be happy.

What would your rider have on it?

Have a great weekend, everyone! I'll be escaping the cold down in Orlando. I'm sure something funny/embarrassing/strange will happen to me. I'll have a full report next Wednesday!

13 comments:

teahouse said...

Wow..are you sure all of that stuff is going to fit into a trailer/dressing room? Heehee..

I like the part about Sticky Fingers. I went there for the first time in September when I was visiting SC. What an awesome place!!

Jonathan said...

Hope you have a good trip. I have been thinking about my rider list and it is not very long so far...I may post it later.

Jonathan said...

Hope you have a good trip. I have been thinking about my rider list and it is not very long so far...I may post it later.

M said...

You care about your dog and your entourage. That is sweet.

Lisa said...

Have fun!

ANd with all of that yummy food. Can I be part of your group too? :-)

NotCarrie said...

Oooh what fun!

RWA said...

That's an impressive list. I have seen some crazy stuff over the years since the facility where I work hosts concerts and other special events. Sometimes I think people ask for certain stuff just because they can.

Meghan (The Declaration of MY Independence) said...

Your definetely not high maintenance. If you were, you would have people making those hot pockets and sandwiches FOR you, you wouldn't be doing them yourself! Have a good time in Orlando, I'm really missing the warm weather up here.

Stuck said...

What riders would I put on my contract? That's a tough one, but I'll give it a try...

1) 12 20oz Cherry Cokes... on ice...

2) Broadband Internet access (I assume if I'm rich and famous, I already own a laptop.)

3) A super-comfy couch big enough to "entertain" my groupies on...

4) 1 pound bag of Skittles... in a bowl... and if anyone picks out any of the colors, I want their head! How can I taste the rainbow if green is missing???

I think that's about it...

Gypsy said...

Great list! Mmmm... caramels.

beejay™ said...

lol....gr8-blog!!
ur-funny:P

and-u-have-gr8-taste-in-food:P

enjoy-ur-trip!

((and-about-the-dashes....DONT-ASK:P..spacebar-screwed..))

Anonymous said...

What sort of average joe takes the time to list 46 things that they would have if they were famous?! People like you are pathetic.

kat said...

I wrote my own backstage rider about two months ago. It's funny when you really sit and think about what basic material things do you really require for happiness. My list was shorter and had more booze.

Scattergories ia a great idea though! I didn't even think of that!