Thursday, February 23, 2006

What I Want

Woa. My last post got serious. I guess alcohol is a touchy subject with me. It's hard for me not to be serious about it. I realize that I'm unusual in my lifestyle, and that it often begs a lot of questions, so I am opening up the floor to anyone who feels the need to ask me about my alcohol-free life. I don't mind, honest--I'm soooo used to it. So ask if you want. Trust me, if you just posted on your blog about how you are a virgin or something, I would be asking you nosy questions, too. I mean, no alcohol is one thing, but that would be truly amazing.

This post will be more light-hearted. I don't like being serious too often. Moving on...

Repo called me this morning as I was running errands, trying to get ready for my big move this weekend before heading to work. He offered to bring me lunch. So sweet! (He's always offering to do things for me, and it's awesome! A girl can get used to this...) I asked for Jimmy John's, my favorite! If you have never tried their sandwiches, you simply must! I will kill some people over a #10 on wheat! He came over and dropped it off, so I managed to get a quick smooch in before heading off to work. Yay!

So he wants to know what to get me for my birthday. (Is he a keeper or what?) I hate it when people ask me what I want for my birthday. It makes me feel awkward, because I what I really want to say is, "3-karat diamond stud earrings, please!" but you can't ask for that outright. It's hard to answer it when you don't know what their budget is. Plus, we haven't been dating that long and he just got me flowers. So I have been thinking. Recently I just finished off my favorite candle of all time. I originally thought about asking him to get me another one. Then I remembered that The Cop bought me the candle for my birthday last year. That would be weird, wouldn't it? It would be The Boyfriend Candle. K said that it would be ok. "New man, new candle!" she exclaimed. Plus, she pointed out that it would be an easy present for him to get. I agree. But isn't it weird that he would be replacing a gift bought by the guy who came before him?

So now I have a better idea. I've been thinking about asking Repo to take me somewhere I have never been. I want him to surprise me. That way, he can pick something that is in his budget, has the chance to get creative if he wants and allows us to have a new experience together. It could be a restaurant, a museum, rock climbing, the Comedy Club here in town...there are lots of places I haven't been yet. Several times I've said to him, "Oh, I've always wanted to go there!" as we've been driving. So he should be able to think of something. I'm going to request that it is not something where I could get hurt--so no skydiving or anything like that. Luckily, he hates camping as much as I do, so I don't have to worry about that. I'll see what he thinks about my idea. I think he will like it. I'm excited to see what he does...

I would like to do something for his birthday, too. It was right before we started dating, but I'd still like to do something. Anybody have any cool ideas? Right now, all I've got is a nice homemade dinner. And smooches, of course. Perhaps I should get tickets to something...or something he can use when he tailgates for football games...

Every year, I buy myself a birthday present. This is because usually, people don't get me very exciting gifts, so that way, I'm always sure to get one thing I'm excited about. Not surprisingly to anyone who knows me, it is almost always make-up. Some girls have shoe fetishes. For me, nothing gets me more excited than seeing new lipstick shades at my neighborhood Clinique counter. Oh, you thought my candy addiction was bad? Ha! That's nothing when compared to my approx. 140 lipsticks and 78 eyeshadows. Then there are the 9 lipliners, dozen blushes, 14 or so eyeliners and about 25 bottles of nail polish. Yeah, I stopped counting a loooong time ago. My make-up (or "chemistry set" as Bigfoot likes to call it) gets its own piece of furniture for storage purposes. Now that my friends, is an addiction. So today, I got Royal Rush and Sunkissed and the best mascara in the whole world. Happy Birthday to me!

Repo has been begging me to check out this book from the library for him. I asked him why he didn't just check it out himself. "Um, because I don't have a library card." I informed him that as a librarian, this will not fly with me. Who ever heard of a librarian who dates a guy without a library card? I'm dragging his butt to the library on Sunday and I'm going to introduce him to the wonders of public libraries. He is ridiculous. (Actually...come to think of it...I might just buy it for him as a present...hmmmm...)

In other news, I found out last night that Bigfoot will soon be moving to the other side of town, which was music to my ears. Now the chances of seeing him ever again are very slim. Too bad it didn't happen four months ago. But then again, everything he does irritates me, so why would this be an exception?

I'm pretty much ready to move. All my junk is packed.(You never realize how much stuff you actually have until you move!) I'm ready to get it overwith. I might post again tomorrow, since Fridays are usually pretty slow at work, but otherwise I won't be back until Tuesday. (I'm taking Monday off since it's my birthday and I'll have plenty of stuff to unpack!)

The Alcoholic

If the headache would only precede the intoxication, alcoholism would be a virtue. --Samuel Butler

Those of you who know me in real life know that I do not consume alcohol. Not on New Year's, not at church, not on my 21st birthday, not even when there is booze in a dessert. I do not consume alcohol. Ever. In fact, I don't even take sips of other peoples' drinks. I have no idea what gin or cabernet taste like. I have never had a Cosmo or an appletini. That's the bad news. The good news is, I've never had Zima either! ha!

It is not for religious reasons. It is not an allergy. It's not because I don't like the taste. It is because I have a problem with alcohol. I have not had a drop since the summer of 1998. So, if you do the math, that means I had plenty of drinking going on in high school and my freshman year of college. Let me assure you, I drank enough to last a lifetime during those few years! But I wouldn't know that from personal experience. It's only what people have told me the next day when I was trying to drown out the pounding in my head with nausea-reducing pancakes. I'm not going to recount all the scary and stupid stuff that I did, but let's just say one of my wake-up calls was one morning in college when I woke up in my dorm room wearing party clothes and did not even remember going out the night before. To this day, I have no inkling of what I did, how embarrassing I must have been or even who I was with. This was one of several blackouts I had before I quit.

You see, my family is probably quite different than yours. It is made up of about 50% alcoholics. I don't have alkies on one side of my family. No, I lucked out and got them on both sides. Let's see...there's two grandparents, three brothers, The Czarina (my mom), my mom's aunt, one of her cousins, oh, and me. To date, Czarina's aunt and one of my brothers have died in alcohol-related deaths. The other two brothers will probably kill themselves too, one day, if they don't stop drinking. They have each had several DUIs and wrecked cars from driving drunk. They have lost jobs, custody of their children, wives and girlfriends because of alcohol. It is the only important thing to them.

The good news is, The Czarina, one grandparent and myself have all quit. None of us have had any relapses. And we all did it without the help of AA, somehow. (Supposedly, this is unheard of. I do think AA is a successful program--I am not bashing on it in any way.) Luckily, The Czarina quit before I was three, so I did not grow up in an alcoholic home. I cannot imagine how horrible that would be or how different I might be had that been the case. I am grateful to her every day for that.

I truly doubt I will ever drink again, as it is such a way of life for me. The only time I'm even tempted is when it's Girls' Night Out, because I do miss that. But really, it was pretty easy for me to quit. The Czarina says that's because I quit before really letting it get a hold of me. If I had kept drinking for too much longer, it would have been very difficult, I think. (A lot of people don't know it, but alcoholism can take years to develop and be full-blown.) I do miss the taste of beer very much sometimes, so I drink non-alcoholic beer, which tastes like piss, unfortunately. And I do miss tequila. But most of the time, I don't think about booze at all. The only time I'm around alcohol is when I go out to bars or parties. It's funny, because sometimes I forget you can buy alcohol at stores and drink it at home!

I would not be where I am today if I had not quit. I would have probably been date raped, gotten a DUI, flunked out of college or killed myself in some kind of accident. I can say this with certainty, because I came dangerously close to all of those situations before I quit. I have been drunk in class, drunk behind the wheel, drunk in a room alone with a strange guy. I am the luckiest girl alive, because I could have gotten really screwed up.

A lot of people don't understand what my family goes through. Unless you have serious alcoholics in your family, you probably won't ever understand. It's not "oh, they are just having a good time" or "oh, you can have a couple". Alcoholics are seriously screwing up their lives. It's nothing to be taken lightly, trust me. Watching an alcoholic in action is one of the scariest things I've ever seen. But maybe that's because now I'm seeing it from the other side. Sometimes I get really angry at the way our society is so alcoholic-friendly. Being a hard core partier is a badge of honor, especially in college. I know that a lot of people are just having a good time or just being college students. And a lot of people are truly just having a good time and don't have problems. But not everyone is in control.

In a nutshell, alcoholics' bodies do not process drinks they way your body does. It is hard to explain, but that's the best way to put it. I like to think that it is misunderstood in the same way that depression is misunderstood--"Just stop being sad." Only to alcoholics, it's "Ok, so just drink one." Well, it isn't that easy. Alcoholics' brains do not think properly. They don't understand the point of drinking unless it is to get drunk. Having "just one" literally doesn't compute. They worry they won't have access to alcohol, so they can be very possessive about it. They worry everyone thinks they can't handle alcohol, so they hide it or lie about it. They are constantly trying to prove that they are in control of the alcohol, rather than the other way around. (This is why they have a tendency to drive drunk.) Their personalities change when they drink--a normally nice person will become an asshole. (I would pick fights with my friends, for example. This makes no sense, because in reality, I am a complete wuss who loves her friends very much.) They will gradually drink more and more as time goes on. Their tolerance is incredible. They are not picky about what they drink. (I cannot stand the taste of vodka. But if that was all there was, I'd drink the hell out of it!) They run to alcohol to drown out their problems. They pressure other people to drink so that they aren't the only ones drinking. I have thought and acted just like all of these situations I just described. There are more signs, but I'm sure you've got the idea. (And a lot of signs are obvious to anyone. Someone who drinks alone or at work obviously has a problem.) But a lot of signs are only evident to other alcoholics. I can sniff out another alkie very easily because I see them acting how I used to act. And let me tell you, I see a lot of people acting like this.

A lot of people are hesitant to think, believe or even say that someone they know has an alcohol problem. It's almost like saying someone has cancer. I wish people would treat alcoholism as seriously. I have heard a statistic that states one out of every 5 people is an alcoholic. But then again, The Czarina is the source of that information, and she thinks everyone is an alcoholic! We tease her about it sometimes, but she might be right. It's a fairly prevalent disease--yes, it is classified as a disease--with a highly genetic tendency. Normally, if your family isn't affected, you know someone whose family is affected. Unfortunately, the only cure is for the alcoholic to find something they want more than alcohol. Only then will they sacrifice alcohol to get what they want. I myself wanted to graduate college and have a good relationship with The Czarina. So I quit. And I haven't looked back. Not once.

I have to say, it's pretty nice sometimes. I never have hangovers. I never have to puke or sleep with one foot on the floor. I spend virtually no money when I go out. I can always drive, so I'm usually the designated driver. Which is probably my favorite thing, because I get to say when it's time to go home. Really, it's better this way.

So what is the main drawback? I know you are saying, "Duh! You can't drink! That sucks!" But that's not the bad part. What's hard is being around strangers who ask nosy questions about why I don't drink (I swear I'm going to start telling people I'm pregnant!) or people who pressure me to have "just a sip" after I've said "No, thank you." seven times. It's awkward when people buy me shots and I have to say no. It's annoying to have to explain to people that having a good time does not always require alcohol. Some people just don't get it. But usually they are the ones with the problem.

Wednesday, February 22, 2006

The Bad Listener?

Repo thinks I don't listen to him. I beg to differ. It all started last weekend when he got me a glass of ice water. After handing it to me, he kept chuckling to himself. He wouldn't tell me what was so funny, so I let it go.

Then this week, we were on the phone when he said, "I don't think you listen to me. In fact, I'm going to quiz you." I was aghast. I had always assumed I was a good listener--supportive, asking questions, nodding when appropriate. But I'm a great test taker and always up for a challenge, so I told him to let 'er rip.

He asked me four questions: what's his middle name, what's his sister's name, when's his birthday and his college major. I nailed them all, cold. "Take that! I am the Quiz Mastah!" I exclaimed with glee. "By the way, why do you think I don't listen?" And then he tells me that apparently, whenever I'm getting him something to drink, I say, "Would you like ice?" and he always says no, and I always put ice in it anyway. That's why he was laughing when he got me a glass of ice water.

I felt so stupid. Because I think he might be right....even though I could swear that when I ask if he wants ice, he says, "It doesn't matter."

This statement would be interpreted by me as, "I would love ice, Virginia, but I don't want to trouble you for ice." So I was probably thinking, Oh, it's no bother, I will gladly get you ice, Repo! as I fill the glass with ice. So we have been debating this. I swear he says he doesn't care about the ice. He is really enjoying sticking it to me about this and I'm being teased incessantly about it. And so now I pay extra close attention to what he says. Or so I thought.

Last night he came over to hang out while I packed. I had some dinner for him (leftovers) and made pumpkin bread for him since he's been really stressed at work this week. So we are watching basketball and eating pumpkin bread. I was rubbing his back (yes, I realize I am totally spoiling him!) and we were discussing the oddities of college basketball--upsets, ironies, that sort of thing. We were watching ESPN and saw how UVA beat Boston College. I exclaimed how this was such a crazy upset and he says, "I just said that about 20 minutes ago." I had absolutely no recollection of him saying that. I must have selective ears! I felt terrible and apologized. But I really had no excuse for myself. I'm an idiot! Why can't I listen better? I am really ashamed of myself. I wonder if other people think I'm like this...

He did say something to make me feel better: "That's ok. I talk about sports too much anyway." I remember that part. I was listening.

Tuesday, February 21, 2006

Blogs & Snogs

Yes! I've finally incorporated (stolen?) British slang into a post title!

Sorry I've been away so long, readers. I have been one busy girl! I had an action-packed weekend, work has been super busy and I'm moving this weekend, so I just have not had time to post. Egads, I got a life! Can you believe it? I'm going to give you the highlights of everything.

But first, I'd like to make an announcement: I have a new blog! There is a link on the sidebar for Virginia Cooks. I really like to share recipes and cook, so I thought this would be a great way to share and stay organized. Plus, it will encourage me to cook more often. It won't be my main blog, because let's face it, this one is much more interesting! [VB hears crickets chirping] But feel free to email the recipes to your friends and email me recipes or links and I will post them for you (giving you credit, of course!). You can ask me questions about my recipes or give me suggestions. If you are really brave, email me cooking questions! I have put up two recipes today to get you started. I hope you like them.

Ok, on to the good stuff. After work on Friday, I bought my new washer and dryer for $400! And I also bought the couch for $100. They (a couple who are getting married and trying to condense their stuff) threw in a cute slipcover and some patio furniture for free. I am quite the bargain hunter if I do say so myself!

Friday night I went to Local's (as usual) with Brunette. We were sort of half-way planning on meeting up with the Wild Young'ns there. We hadn't seen them in a while, so it was good to hang out with J-Rich, Mack Daddy and JD. I figured Big Poppa and Repo would show up. Man, did they make an entrance. Repo's former frat brothers had made a surprise visit earlier in the evening and they had all been drinking Ciclon, which is this rum spiked with tequila. I guess it really messes with Repo, because he says there is a connection between this drink and him being really drunk. They were not so much drunk as they were completely wasted. Like frat party wasted. Soon Repo started to irk me. Here's what he did:

Argued with me about his ability to walk in a straight line--he couldn't.
Groped me incessantly to the point where I was truly irritated with him.
Tried to make out with me on a dancefloor in the sleaziest of bars.
Had to be told 4 times in a row that I wanted a glass of water.
Tried to pick a fight with a complete stranger.
Ordered food at IHOP and didn't eat any of it.
Whined loudly and incessantly about wanting to go home.
Dawdled when it was time to go home. [grrrr...]
Misplaced his credit card, so I had to pay for everyone.
Didn't remember anything from the entire night.

I forgot how much I hate babysitting drunk people. Brunette and I dropped him off at home and took Big Poppa to his car (BP was ok to drive by this point). Needless to say, I was pretty ticked off. I don't mind being around drunk people, but being around totally wasted people is a different matter. I'm done with college! I don't want to date a frat boy! And trust me, I won't be seen in public with him again if he's ever like that. I will just go home.

The next day he called and apologized. Even though he couldn't remember anything, he remembered enough to know he had been obnoctious. I don't like having serious conversations on the phone, so I just settled our plans for that night and got off the phone. He was definitely in the doghouse.

We were going to a really really nice restaurant for dinner, so I figured I'd put in a little extra effort and wear my new red dress. I'm a little squeezed for time, so I'm slightly chicken-headed as I get ready. I'm in the shower, shaving my legs. Somehow I managed to cut the s--t out of my foot and it won't stop bleeding. This ate up about 20 extra minutes. Dang. I needed a big band-aid right across my foot, so wearing the pumps I wanted to wear was out of the question. I had to wear boots, which didn't look right. I was looking at the boots with the dress when I realized that my bra hangs out of the back of the dress. Dang! I could have devised a way to hide the strap or go commando, but I didn't have time to fool with it and I didn't like the boots with it anyway. So I scrapped the outfit and wore my new blue top and a black skirt, which Repo really liked. Plus, I was warmer. Bonus. Whew!

We had dinner at a restaurant called Motor Supply because it used to be a store for auto parts back in the day. The menu changes every day, which I think is really cool. I got a salad with creamy feta dressing, a big porterhouse-sized grilled porkchop with honey-dijon-bourbon sauce, sweet mashed potatoes and snow peas. This was the best meal I've had in months! Good conversations and good ambience, and this was a great dinner date so far. It was cold and rainy, so after dinner we decided to go to his house and look at his baby pictures. I got to see old pictures of his family and friends and listen to stories of his childhood, which was really nice. Then we got to talking about last night...

He apologized about a million times when I told him how he had acted. He felt terrible and was mortified. Which was the reaction I was hoping for, I have to say. I told him I'm not an "ultimatum" kind of girl and I am not someone who tries to "change" people, but I am not interested in dating someone who acts like this--whether I'm present or not. I have enough people in my life that I worry about, I don't need to worry about the guys I date. Then I told him he can do whatever he wants because he is a grown man, but I might not be around to see him do it. He was informed that I don't tolerate anyone raising their voice to me--any words yelled at me will be the last words he speaks to me. No exceptions. (Brunette and I think he might have a temper when he drinks.) I said this was just an FYI conversation so he will know what the deal is. I accepted his apology and joked that he used up all of his brownie points. (Plus, I've been calling him Drunky Monkey, which he hates.) Then he said the words every woman truly wants to hear:

"You're right. I'm an idiot. I'm really sorry. I'm not going to do that again. It's just not worth it. It's time for me to grow up."

I thought, Good. Glad we can come to an agreement on this. Hopefully he means what he says. Hopefully I'm not dating an alcoholic or an eternal frat boy. I don't want to be The Drunk Guy's girlfriend. We changed the subject and watched a movie. And yes, I got some good smoochin' in. Man, I'm glad to get that out of the way. I told him I thought I had cooties or something. He said I just make him nervous. Awww...

Sunday I went to a hockey game and out to dinner with Brunette. We had a good time. It was nice to end my weekend with a sober woman instead of a drunk man!

I have to go home now. I'm going to bake some pumpkin bread while I pack. Then I'm taking it to Repo. He's having a really rough week, so I'm going to cheer him up. Besides, he is helping me move, so I'm pretty grateful! He wants to get me a birthday present. What should I ask for?

Friday, February 17, 2006

Heavy Petting is the Best!

That got your attention, didn't it? Ha ha! Well, Heavy Petting met up again last Wednesday night and we won the weekly trivia contest for the first time! Go us! We won free pool, free appetizers and free t-shirts. Yay!

I watched Crash yesterday. It's a pretty good movie. Makes you think. I like movies like that. You have to pay attention though, or else you will miss important plot developments. But then again, I'm blonde...

My boo-boo still hurts. No verdict on my having skin cancer yet. Great. Now I get to think about it aaaaaaall weekend. I know, most people wouldn't think twice about it. But I've had stuff removed before--I had a big mole removed when I was a kid. So I'm averaging one mole per decade. Not good. (Sorry. I'll try to refrain from talking about moles from now on. Kinda gross, I know. But we are talking about Cindy Crawford-type moles. Tiny-ish. Flat. Hairless.More like large freckles than anything else. Ok, I'll shut up now.)

I had my semi-annual review today. It went fine. My boss reminded me of all the stuff I have to get done by August. Ho-hum. Can do. But she also said her only complaint is that I'm always late to work. Oops. At least I can fix that. I'm turning into The Czarina, She Who is Always Ten Minutes Late. So no more late night Court TV for me. 10:15 bedtime from now on. And maybe staying up until 4:30am on weekends would be a contributing factor to my problem....

Why have I been staying up so late? In a word, Repo. *sigh* We can't help it. We just talk and talk and talk. No, I'm serious! We just talk! Why don't you believe me?? Oh yeah, I'm a hornball. True. And I'm in a dry spell. Yeah. Ok, now I see where you are getting it. But I've actually been a goody two-shoes. Repo and I haven't even made it to first base yet! Aren't you proud?! This is a record for me. We are actually having a mature, adult relationship so far. You know, one where we like each others' brains and personalities. It's refreshing.

It's driving me crazy. I pretty much daydream about making out with him all the time. Which is cool. I don't know how much longer I can take it, though. I am hoping he will want to cash in some of his brownie points this weekend. His account is pretty full, so he can afford it. We are hanging out on Saturday night, so we will see. He told me last night that he loved the Chinese food I made for him--he ate most of it that night, when I gave him enough for about three meals. His roommate joked that Repo should date me just for my cooking. Ha!

Since I'm moving in a week (YES! Only 7 more days with Bigfoot!!!) I will spend the weekend doing a lot of packing. I picked a good time to do it--it is supposed to be rainy and cold all weekend. I told Repo I might be kind of tired on Saturday from packing, so we might just watch a movie or something. Maybe Old School since I'm the only American who has not seen it yet and he's on a mission to change that. It will be yucky outside, so it's good for cuddling anyway. My new sexy red dress will just have to wait for another weekend.

K and I are slowly getting ready for our move. Her dad, her boyfriend and Repo are all going to help us. Yay for the male species!!! We know what furniture we need: definitely another couch and a washer and dryer. Maybe a big thingie to hold our TV (what are those called, anyway? Entertainment centers?) and a dinette set. (I know, I know. Shut up. I own no Big Girl furniture other than a small couch. I like to stay nomadic in case I ever have to be on the run from the law.) I will also need a desk. We found an ad in the paper placed by a lady who has just about everything we are looking for and so I'm going to try and go buy some of it later today. (Don't you just love one-stop shopping? I'm going to try and haggle.) She is so smart because she puts pictures of everything online! So you can see the couch and the washer/dryer we are going to try and buy...and yes, we would be slipcovering the couch! We were thinking about the armoire, but it looks like it would be a pain to move around. Hopefully she will let us pay now and pick it up on Sunday.

Then on Sunday Brunette and I are going to the hockey game and having dinner at this great Thai restaurant. Pad-kee-mau (sp?) with chicken, here I come!!!!

I will try to blog some over the weekend since I didn't blog too much this week. I've been busy at work this week (!) and so I am behind. I have the next installment of B.S. Free Zone coming up, so stay tuned!

And I'll try to post some recipes....maybe.

Wednesday, February 15, 2006

A Bundle of Nerves

Uuuugh.....I just ate too many Girl Scout Cookies....damn Lemon Pastry Cremes....lemon-flavored desserts always get me. Anyway...

Plans with The Girls got messed up. Nurse P had to study (she's getting her doctorate), Blonde Nurse wanted to drink wine at home and Brunette Nurse didn't get off work until 7:30. So I just told Brunette to come over whenever and we could burn some CDs. (I know, I'm the only American without an iPod. Sue me.) So Girls' Night didn't really happen. But that's ok--here's why.

Before leaving work yesterday, I decided to cook dinner for Repo and drop it off at his house as a Valentine's Day gesture. He wasn't getting home from work until 9pm and I had plans later on with Brunette anyway. So it was pretty much out of the question for us to hang out on the big V day. I was bummed, I have to say. He said he was too. So I skipped the gym (!) to cook for him instead. I NEVER miss Tuesday nights.

I made him Spicy Chinese Beef Stirfry w/Broccoli. It's my official "Making Dinner for First Time with New Guy" meal. Guys like it. My grandma got the recipe from a cookbook she bought in Chinatown in SanFran, I think. Anyway, I made it and drove it over to his house, along with rice (duh) and homemade cookies. I also threw in a simple, non-romantic card and...

some Jelly Belly jellybeans.

Oh, sure, just jellybeans, right? WRONG. I don't share my Jelly Bellys with just anyone. Repo doesn't know that. But let me just say, it means he's definitely on my People I Like list. So I get to the house and only one of his roommates is there. This is the roommate I haven't met yet. Repo has described him to me as being 7 feet tall and weighing 350 pounds. I'll call him Tiny. I knock on the door and Tiny opens it. Let me tell ya, Tiny is probably the largest human I've ever met. I think I shook in my shoes a little. He is that big. I am surprised he fits in standard-size vehicles (he drives one). I said, "You must be Tiny. I'm Virginia." And told him why I was there. I put the food down and told him not to eat any of it. (Precautions, you know.)

As I'm driving home, Repo calls me. He got off work early and was heading home. I had missed him by about twenty minutes! Dang! Oh well. He called me later to tell me that the food was delicious. Whew! That's a relief. (You never know when you cook that first time!)

I hung out with Brunette for a while and then went to bed early--for some reason I was exhausted. I think I might be getting sick, actually...I had this morning off for a dermatologist appointment. I used to worship the sun a lot when I was younger, so I wanted to get stuff checked out and make sure everything is ok. I am religious about remaining pale year-round (as much as I hate it!) and wearing sunblock all the time, so I honestly didn't think much of this doctor's visit. I was more interested in getting a prescription for zits than anything else!

The doc spent all of three minutes with me, tops. You'd think that since I'm a new patient, she would spend more time with me and ask more questions, but she didn't. I found out later that she is like that with everyone and I should have gone to someone else. Where were these people when I was making my appointment with Dr. Nazi??? Here's what happened:

I told her I'd like fewer zits, and without another word, she wrote me two prescriptions. I am assuming she gives the same thing to everyone, regardless. I wonder if she would have even cared had I said, "Yeah, I get more zits than I would like, but maybe it has to do with the fact that I smear Land O Lakes butter on my face before I go to bed every night. Or perhaps it's because I don't wash my face at all. Ever."

I told her I wanted her to check out all my moles and freckles, too. She scanned my naked body pretty quickly and said, "Wait. That, there. On your lower back. That one looks a little bit smudgier than it should. It has to come off."

Um, what? Did you say 'smudgier'? It's coming off now? Really?

Next thing I know, she flips me over onto my stomach and starts digging. Without local anesthesia. Can you say 'ouch'? Actually, it only hurt for a second. But it did hurt! Now I'll have a scar on my back where most girls have tattoos. And until then, I'll be waiting on my biopsy results. Yeah, talk about a word you don't welcome into your everyday vocabulary. Anyone know the statistics for skin cancer in 27 year olds? It's low, right?

I cried the whole way home. All I wanted to do was call The Czarina, but I don't want to worry her. So I've been calling my friends instead. That doctor is evil! She really is Dr. Nazi. She did absolutely nothing to put me at ease. I was, at the very least, hoping for some sympathetic joke about cellulite or something! She just left me with a big boo-boo (which still hurts, btw!) and lots of worrying. If anyone needs me, I'll be self-diagnosing myself on WebMD.

Tuesday, February 14, 2006

Happy Vindication Day!

In case you are like me and only sorta-kinda know what vindication means and had to look it up: it is the act of justifying an act or belief. It's a good theme for this post, especially on Valentine's Day!

Everyone in my office is loving this personality quiz. According to my results, I'm extremely verbal. Surprised? I'm also very low-scoring on the nature and kinaesthetic portions. Again, no surprise. I hate camping and I'm a complete klutz. We have all been laughing at the results--maybe you will enjoy it too.

XY (of Team Richardson) sent me this article yesterday. Can you believe this guy? I would have sent him a bill for $40.00 for wasting my time. Take that, jerk!

I virtually know this terrifyingly intelligent woman who blogs from Britain. She is a total genius. NML is her name and she invited me to write a column for her Baggage Reclaim site. I wrote about how much I love being single. So for any single girl who is bummed out about being single on Valentine's Day, read this. It will make you feel better, I promise! (How's that for a shameless plug?) Actually, this is more of a plug for NML, who is cool enough to let me do that! My name is now in....pixels...? Maybe one day it will be in real, actual lights. ha!

So....what else has been going on? This past weekend, I hung out with Repo. A lot. And it was great. We went to a basketball game and watched movies and went to dinner. I could talk to him for hours and hours. It is really nice being with someone who is that comfy. I can really be myself around him. *sigh* Yeah, I guess I am The Smitten Kitten. But the best part is, I think he is just as smitten. He calls, he isn't all about getting in my pants (so far, just some smooches), he actually asks questions about me and listens to me. I think he actually likes me for me--I'm more than a piece to him. Concept! I feel secure and desired, which is pretty awesome. It's really awesome, actually. But it's weird, because I'm not used to it. Usually I'm wondering and analyzing and freaking out--most guys just make me feel insecure. His behavior is so sweet and honest, it's making me feel somewhat overwhelmed. But in a very very good way. So I think I'll be keeping him around for a while. Especially since he sent me a dozen red tulips at work about brownie points!

OK, I'll shut up now. I'm even making myself want to puke, if it makes you feel better. To my credit, I'm not hanging out with him tonight. I had already made plans with girlfriends when he asked me about my Valentine's Day plans. I told him I already had plans, so he wanted to know if we could celebrate Valentine's Day another day. I said sure. Some of my friends are giving me a really hard time about this. Maybe I should cancel on my girls??? I am not one of those friends who does that--I'm totally opposed to girls who go by "dicks before chicks", but at the same time, shouldn't I spend some time with a guy who sends me flowers on Valentine's Day? I mean, girls live for this stuff!

Any ideas for something nice I can do for him in return? Cookies, maybe?

Friday, February 10, 2006

Fun Fridays

I started a weekly event here at work and I thought I'd start sharing it with my readers. On Fridays, I email a link to a wierd or fun website I've found. Since I've been doing this for a while, I'm sorry to say that you are behind. So here's some to catch you up:

Fun Site

Another Fun Site

Yet Another Fun Site

Weird Site

Another Weird Site

Oh, and finally, The Peeps Go To the Library. (This is a classic site familiar with all Library School Graduates.) One of my duties as a librarian is to keep people informed, for better or for worse. I hope you enjoy these as much as my coworkers do. And yes, I realize I have a very strange sense of humor. I'll be back next week with more! Have a great weekend, everyone!

Thursday, February 09, 2006

Flying and Crying

The saying "Getting there is half the fun" became obsolete with the advent of commercial airlines. --Henry J. Tillman

I realised today that there are so many similarities between flying and dating. Think about it...

Everyone is either traveling for business (long-term love) or pleasure (hook-ups).
Planning everything out in advance can be a good idea, but it can also be a waste of time since there is so much room for error and planning eliminates your spontaneity.
Flying can be stressful, but also very exciting. Usually it's worth it.
Buying a ticket (asking someone out) for a flight is usually expensive (risky) and it's a pain to get a refund (substitute date) because it's not really what you wanted to begin with.
Sometimes you can find cheap tickets, but rarely to a place you want to go.
We are all trying to rack up frequent-flier miles (dating experience) so that we can get a free flight (an easy no-brainer relationship). We are hoping there are no black-out dates when we want to fly (the person we'd like to ask out is taken).
The person behind the ticket counter (people who think they know what we want) don't really listen.
While we are all getting on planes (relationships), we each want different planes--we all have our own idea of the ideal destination.
Sometimes it seems like a complete stranger is digging around in our baggage.
But we have to trust them enough to hand it over to them if we want to have a good time. They are just protecting others. And we pray we don't have to have a strip search, because that's just a little too invasive.
We hope that the metal-detectors will catch any weapons of mass destruction (ie, tools of cruel heartbreakers). Then we realise that if someone wants to ruin the flight, they will find a way anyway. Often, they just use their shoes when they want to walk all over us or blow us up.
Sometimes we get on the wrong plane! Oops! This costs us time and money.
We get really pissed when our flight gets delayed or cancelled. There might not be another plane for a loooooong time.
Waiting in airports (singledom) sucks unless you have a really good book or you remembered your iPod.
You can always meet really cool people during this traveling process. Maybe you'll never see them again, but it's nice to hear different perspectives on the world. Of course, sometimes you meet smelly or snoring assholes, too. Those are long flights!
It's very exciting when it's time to board your plane (going on that first date).
Soon you learn there are two kinds of people in the world: those who give up their window seats (givers) and those who don't (takers).
You shouldn't expect good food--that's not why you are on the plane.
It's tempting to get drunk, but you shouldn't.
There might be some seats you won't be able to sit in--those people already have seatmates. Or they might have stolen your seat. Jerks!
Stewardesses are our friends--they want to know how our flight went and hope we will fly again sometimes. They do their best to calm us down if we are freaked out about taking off. Plus, if you ask nicely, they'll grab a coke for you next time they're in the kitchen!
There are very few exits once you get in the air (on the date), and if you are going to use them, you'd better have a parachute (good excuse!).
Stewardesses show you those little breathing masks (pep talks and reminders of how awesome you are), and while it's nice they are trying to comfort you, you know that you could still crash and burn.
But you're willing to risk that to get to your destination.
If your baggage doesn't fit, you might have to check it. Planes have their limits.
Long flights can get boring sometimes, but it's all part of traveling.
Take-offs can be nerve wracking because everything is shaky and you don't know your seatmate well enough yet to tell them how freaked out you are.
A lot can change if you haven't flown in a while! Nowadays, it's appreciated if you refrain from smoking while flying.
It's only when that little seatbelt light goes off (you become a couple) that you are high enough to be really safe and comfortable so you can relax and enjoy yourself.
Plus, it's then that you get to really move about the cabin (wink, wink, nudge, nudge).
And you can try and get into the mile-high club...
You might have turbulence. You might have bad turbulence. You might have the kind of turbulence that makes you air-sick. Just grab your barf bag and hang on.
Ideally, your flight will have no turbulence, lightning, rain or snow (insert various relationship problems here).
You'll probably end up watching a lame movie at some point.
There's really nothing to cry about, but we will all want to at some point because traveling can be frustrating. It will be really embarrassing if we start crying mid-flight.
If you are afraid of heights or have an irrational fear of crashing and burning, you have no business being on an airplane to begin with.
Landing (getting serious) can be scary, because you just want to ask, "This is great, but where do I go from here? What if I get lost?" But remember--you have arrived! The hard and scary part is over!
If your baggage gets lost, you probably won't miss it anyway because all your valuables (best traits about you) were in your carry-on. That suitcase was getting pretty beat up, anyhow.
Someone will pick you up whether your flight was good or bad. Or you'll just pay a lot of money to get your own car (life) back.

The main difference, of course, between dating and flying is this: In the latter, crashing and burning will more than likely kill you. In the former, it's not too bad--just dust yourself off, grab your baggage, buy another ticket and enjoy the (usually) friendly skies!

Wednesday, February 08, 2006

Men! Read These!

Gosh, I'm on a posting rampage today!

These are for any single man who needs help in the dating arena. I have been meaning to recommend them for a while, but finally got around to it. They are written by a men, but are female-approved. Super awesome advice from two of my favorite bloggers. They are super duper smart and both currently in happy relationships, so you can believe what they say. Soon I will be writing up a list for guys....after I think about it some more. But I doubt my list will top these:

Dating Dummy's Knowledge
Daily Sketch's Knowledge

Would You Like Me To Sedate You?

I can't believe I forgot to post about this. Another funny dating story from a guy friend of mine...

He had been working hard all day and was exhausted by the time he got home. He opened up the door to his apartment to find his wonderful girlfriend was already there. She used her key to get there early. She had walked his dog, tidied up the place, brought in his mail, had dinner cooking on the stove and handed him a beer right when he walked in the door. Not only had she done all that, but after looking around, he realized she was wearing nothing but one of his button down oxford shirts.

"What's all this?" he asked, happily.

"Well, you've been working really hard lately and you've been a great boyfriend to me, so I thought I'd surprise you."

"Oh, I'm surprised, trust me! That is so nice of you. I especially love that you are wearing one of my shirts. That's hot."

"I thought it would be nice if I sedated you for a change."

He paused. Thought about it. Tried his best to conceal a giggle. And decided to let her misuse of basic English vocabulary slide. Although, I have to say, they broke up not long after that. But not because of this. This is just a funny story.

Are Men Necessary?

Women who seek to be equal with men lack ambition. --Timothy Leary

This is one of my favorite quotes. I might shock/tick off some of my readers when I say this: I am not a feminist. I'm not a supporter of that philosophy or mindframe. My problem with the feminist revolution is this: It is based on the notion that women, just how they are naturally, are not good enough. That they need to act like men in order to be happy. That being around men (working for them, cooking for them, etc.) makes us unhappy. Last time I checked, I could not be more feminine and I've never been happier. I love being a woman and I've never once had gender envy. And I absolutely adore men just how they are! I'd like to ask all the feminists: Why is it the women who have to change? To me, a true feminist revolution would entail men trying to behave more like women. That makes much more sense to me. (Although, maybe that's what Queer Eye for the Straight Guy is all about!)

In this post, I'm talking to the average and fairly feminine women, the closet Marthas, the ones who adore being a woman and doing domestic things but feel that they are less of a person for liking it or feel they should be ashamed for not embracing the feminist revolution. I'm talking to the women who hate men or don't appreciate them. This post is also for men who feel that they have nothing to offer the modern woman.

I think there is nothing to be ashamed of in being able to make a delicious chocolate cake, mend a sock or scrub a bathtub spotless. These kinds of things make life nicer. What's wrong with that? Someone has to do it, and last time I checked, most men are not very good at these things. I believe women are just more naturally inclined to do these sorts of things better than men. I'm not saying all women, just most. Some women are great at crunching numbers or buying out companies or planning business proposals. That is amazing and admirable as well. These women are awesome and every bit of woman as possible. They are just rare. And men who can cook and clean are awesome too! They are just rare.

Sure, you can comment to me about the whole "gender spectrum" or tell me that a trannie is just as feminine as a woman. Fine. I'll give you that. But regardless of what package it comes in or which gender they are attracted to, there are pretty much two types of people in the world: those who enjoy behaving like a stereotypical woman and those who prefer acting in the stereotypical male behavior.

I don't understand why our society is so caught up on trying to prove that women can do everything a man can do because it's silly. Last time I checked, men can't have babies, but you don't hear them say they're feeling jealous or inferior. And women can't open every jar that comes their way or bench press nearly as much as most men. Regardless of what kind of a job you have, ladies, there are some things we just can't do. And I am not only referring to physical body-related things, because I think we can all agree that men are physically stronger than women.

How many men can have enough sympathy in a movie theater to cry when a character dies? Very few. This is because few men have the ability to understand how anyone (other than themselves) feels. They just aren't wired like that. How many women truly understand football? Very few. That is because few women really understand the urgent need to toss around a ball while risking life and limb. I could go on, but you get my drift. We are just different. And that's ok.

I was reading Mom of 3's blog where she talks about how nowadays some men feel that they are unnecessary in our society. Women can now do everything that they want without needing a man's help. This is true.....sort of. I feel the need to remind men that they are indeed necessary and valuable in our society. Otherwise, we would have killed you guys off a long time ago. Trust me.

I propose that instead of trying to "prove" which gender is more capable of succeeding in this world, we instead embrace our differences and appreciate one another. I think that we are the ying to the male yang, ladies. (Or are we the yang? I'm not sure.) Together, we make the world go around. I think it takes two. And to prove it, here are ten reasons why I think men are great.

1. They make us feel safe when there are bad guys around. No amount of kickboxing knowledge will save us from the creepy guy who is following us down the deserted street. (The situation is different if the bad guy is breaking into our house. Women have guns and big dogs for that.)

2. Men remind us to relax and chill out. They don't get their noses out of joint if we don't vacuum, forget the dry-cleaning, order a pizza instead of cooking or look at us funny if we throw on sweatpants to run errands. Women are pretty critical, I must say.

3. This one is just my humble opinion, but I think men are funnier than women. Very few female comediennes will get me to the point where I have tears streaming down my face from laughing.

4. While women are brave and strong in certain ways, men are brave and strong in other ways. Like when it comes to killing large insects. Or moving furniture. We really appreciate it, guys!

5. Sometimes being emotional can be exhausting. Men are so easy to be around because they don't always feel the need to talk or bitch. Usually they just want to have a good time or get s--t done. News flash--women need that and appreciate it sometimes!

6. Men are usually more honest. They will tell us when we are being stupid or call us out on stuff. Women are too worried about being polite. It's nice to know truly what someone thinks. This does not mean that men are not incapable of hurting our feelings with their honesty. They do that a lot. But most of the time, it's good.

7. Men appreciate things women do not normally appreciate. They gush over a homecooked meal or made from scratch cookies much more than a female pal does. They appreciate it when we put forth effort to look nice. Not that our girlfriends don't care, but they just don't appreciate it as much.

8. Men think we are hot. They love the big booties that we hate having, they want to feel our boobies no matter the size and they think we smell really good. Men are good for our egos.

9. Men are hot. That alone is enough to get my vote for keeping them around. One of the main reasons I go to the gym is to ogle all the muscles and check out their butts. Sometimes men even smell good, too. Besides, electronic devices can only do so much.

10. Fill in your own reason here. Every man has a wonderful unique trait that you, as a woman, don't possess. Appreciate it! And maybe they will appreciate us more, too!

Tuesday, February 07, 2006

B.S. Free Zone 5

1. When do you refer to someone as your boyfriend/girlfriend? Do you have a talk about it or is it implied? Do you have a standard waiting period? Do you tell your friends or let them figure it out? I myself like to make it official with a quick conversation, just to be sure we are both on the same page. I have made mistakes about relationship status before, so now I want to know. I will usually be ready to have that conversation after about 3 months of dating someone, but that is a general rule of thumb for me.

2. Do you ask someone you are dating what their "number" is? Are you honest about your number? Do you even share it? I myself never disclose my number. Not only is it none of his business, but any number I say will either be too big or too small. Regardless, his image of me will change for worse--I'll either be a slut or inexperienced. As long as he knows I'm not a virgin or a whore, that's all he needs to know. But anyone who knows me at all can probably discern that already! There is no good answer to that question, " many people have you been with?" Or is there?

3. Regarding some bizarre male behavior: what is the deal with the cat-calling? You know, honking your horn as you drive by, sticking your head out the window and yelling "Woo-hoo, honey! You sure do have junk in your trunk!" or whatever. Do men think this will work? Like we'll hear it and shout back, "Oh, you are such a gentleman! You're so romantic! Please get in my pants! Please!" Men of all ages do this, and in various ways. They will mumble under their breath as they walk by, whistle, whatever. You know what I'm getting at--the whole construction worker mentality. Do men even know how embarrassing it is? Or what a turn-off it is? Let me tell you, this is not the way to get play. Making us feel like pieces of meat will get you nowhere. Save it for the hookers. Do they think we will take it as a compliment? I'm wondering if men just enjoy humiliating us. It could be just some kind of bizarre male-bonding ritual to see how much they can get away with before they get slapped or something...I have noticed it only happens when there is more than one man present. Guys get nice when they are alone. Maybe women should blame themselves and start putting some clothes on when they are out walking around? Although, you don't have to be in skimpy clothing for it to happen, now that I think about it. Any explanations from the gentleman readers I have?


Anything worth doing is worth doing slowly. --Mae West

Figured I'd give y'all an update on the Repo situation. Unfortunately, this is not a juicy update.
Aside from his lack of being The Man With The Plan, I really have very little beef. Hesitations, yes. Beef, not really. Let me explain. It's going great. It's just....slow.

I've known him now for about two months, but we have only recently started dating. There has been chemistry from the beginning, so things have been simmering for a while. You'd think that knowing each other previously would make it easier for things to...uh, progress into that more-than-friends arena. Well, it's not. To date, there has been absolutely no physical contact. No hand-holding, no kissing, no hugs even. And you know what? It's hot. Who knew??

Very rarely do I meet someone whom I could talk to until the sun comes up. Very rarely do I meet someone who has so much in common with me. And even more rarely am I ok with no smooching. I love smooching. I chomp at the bit while waiting for any potential physical contact. I love it when a guy wants to touch my "squishy parts." I love all that stuff. This is because I'm a total hornball. So why is this ok with me right now? Even in the midst of my almost-record-breaking dry spell?

For one, it's different. It's kind of exciting to actually--gasp--get to know someone before getting physical, rather than during or after. I'm wondering why I have never done this before....oh yeah, the hornball thing. But it's not that I don't know people I hook up with! You know what I mean.

Two, delayed gratification is hot hot hot. I don't know how else to put it. It's hard to pretend you are listening instead of picturing the other person without their clothes on! I'm just kidding. I am listening to him. My imagination just illustrates it differently. And since I can't have what I want, it is that much more desirable. It's making him 30% hotter. But this is how I am with guys in general--I'm such a sucker for the hard-to-get thing. It's just that this is the first time it has been in the physical sense. Usually I just date guys who are emotionally unavailable.

Three, when it does happen, I am hoping the combination of knowing each other well and the pent-up frustration will lead to a very combustible reaction! In fact, I'm starting to wonder if we should keep it like this for a while. Like another month or so. Just so we could max out our steaminess factor. It could be like one of those Harlequin romance novels, bordering on soft porn! (But no longer than a month--hello! Dry spell! Even I have my limits.)

Of course, this wouldn't be a VB post without the other side of the coin--what if this is horrible?? Possible scenarios I have imagined:

1. I wait around all this time, only to find out he can't kiss.

2. I will get an ulcer from nerves. He acts soooo shy around me, which in turn makes me shy, which makes it even harder to make that small leap. (Does anyone else suffer from contagious shyness?)

3. The expectations are so high, all that happens is that we let each other down. Sort of the Delayed Gratification Implosion.

4. He's actually not interested in smooching, hand-holding or feeling my squishy parts because he doesn't like me in that way. Soon I will cross that one-way door: The Friend Zone.

5.Once I get what I want, I will lose interest. His 30% hotter factor will disappear, leaving him with average cuteness. (Maybe all it takes for me to understand the male brain is to be denied physical contact from the opposite gender! I get it now, guys!)

6. If I wait too much longer, I will be so out of practice, I will be terrible. Is it possible to forget how? I'm allowed a couple of practice runs, right?

7. There is some big scary reason for all this waiting around: he's in the V Club, there is some kind of STD thing, his ex is still on the scene, he pulls a FedSucksy on me and has a kid, etc. etc. (And no, I don't think any of these are true. I'm just being paranoid!)

So on one hand, I'm loving it. On the other hand, I'm ready to get it overwith because it's making me crazy. And all this delayed gratification is really building up my expectations! Releasing the floodgates will probably turn me into Queen Hornball and I will be like a greedy little fat kid who is suddenly allowed out of their room for dessert. Once I'm allowed some cake and ice cream, I'll probably just gorge out! I'll be so grateful for anything, I won't even appreciate it because I'll be pigging out on whatever my chubby grubby fingers can grab!

Actually, that sounds kind of nice...I'm looking forward to it!

There's just a couple of hesitations on my part...(remember how I said I have hesitations?)

1. Anyone remember his bizarre behavior on NYE? Don't know how I feel about dating someone who could potentially have a DUI/have a different personality when they consume large quantities of booze. And yes, I have only seen him do that once.
2. And what's up with not walking me to the door on our last date? (Normally he does, but this time he didn't.)

Any advice or opinions on these?

Side note to J-Rich: I know you know who I'm talking about and if you say anything you are dead meat! Librarians are very powerful people. Don't mess.

Friday, February 03, 2006

B.S. Free Zone IV

I figured I'd use Roman numerals in honor of Super Bowl Sunday...

Quick shout-out to The Bostons, a couple I know who are avid readers/promoters of my blog, yet do not leave comments--which is fine. I know you're out there, lurking! Great talking to you last night! :) I wonder how many other lurkers I have...

I can't believe I just said "shout out"....

Here we go...

1. Can men and women truly be friends? Without someone's heart getting trampled? Or will we all end up in one of those When Harry Met Sally sort of things where we pine away for years after someone? Do you need that "warm-up" period before taking the relationship plunge? I am tempted to agree with Chris Rock, who said (and I paraphrase) "Men don't have female friends. They're just women they ain't f---ed yet!" I'm trying to think of an opposite-gender friendship where one of us has not tried to cross the line, if even in a joking manner....nope, can't think of one! And yes, guys, it goes both ways--I've confessed crushes on friends before. I think the only way it can work is if at least one person is in a happy LTR. That will eliminate line-crossing. Usually. (By friends, I mean more than acquaintances--hanging out alone, talking on the phone alone, that sort of thing.)

2. How much training are you willing to do in a relationship? What if they are bad kissers? Bad in bed? Bad at communicating? What if you're crazy about someone and they announce they are virgins? Do you stay or do you go?

I don't think you can train a bad kisser. I think that is something innate--you can do it or you can't. Your styles mesh or they don't. There's no way to teach that. Bad kissers won't make it to the next question, usually,because you think, "If they can't kiss, I bet they can't do anything else, either!" And you dump them. If they are good kissers, but bad in bed, I think there is hope. Everyone has different bedroom needs. As long as there is a willingness to please your partner, you will be fine. It might just need some practice. Same thing for bad communicating. But the virgin thing....whooo.....maybe it's because I'm a girl and there is a double standard, but that would freak me out. I'd have to think about it. There would be so much performance anxiety! I have to say, The Forty Year Old Virgin probably would be SOL with me! But if I truly cared, I could do it.

3. (Thank you, Stuckey, for the inspiration on this one--) Would you want an "exit interview" at the end of a relationship? It could be very educational/eye opening, but it could also be totally ego-shattering. It could make you a better person for the next SO but it could also make you depressed. Would you be willing to be honest with someone about what they did wrong? Have you ever asked someone for an exit interview? The Bad Kisser wanted to know why I wasn't interested in him. I didn't tell him he was a bad kisser! I couldn't bring myself to do it! So I just told him he was too clingy. Which he was. But the kissing was the main thing. I don't train for that. I myself never ask for exit interviews--70% of the time, I know why, 20% of the time it's something I can't control anyway, and the other 10%....well, I don't think my ego could handle it. I don't want to know!

Wednesday, February 01, 2006

B.S. Free Zone, Part 3

This first question is for men:

1. What is the big deal about women having long hair? Every time I think about cutting my hair, all my guy friends or boyfriends are totally opposed to the idea, even though I'd probably look better with shorter hair, according to women who know me. I know other women who feel they cannot cut their hair, for fear of disappointing their men. What gives? Doesn't it get in the way? Don't you get sick of waiting for us to dry and style it? Does it really matter if we have long hair or short?

2. Do men have biological clocks, or only women?

3. What if you just started dating someone great, and then they told you they have never been in a committed relationship before. Is that a red flag? Does their age play a role? (By "committed" I mean a relationship that has lasted at least a year, and they were exclusively dating each other. They are not necessarily engaged or anything.) I recently talked to a guy pal of mine who said his last girlfriend was 31 and had never been in such a relationship. We agreed it was a red flag--she had no real relationship experience. She was totally unwilling to be flexible. It was her way or the highway about everything. We were thinking that it was not surprising she had never been in a semi-serious relationship. That's why we said it's a red flag. But what if she was only, say, 25? 18? 28? 42?

4. I recently read this very interesting article, from this month's National Geographic. Like most of their articles, this one did not disappoint! Scientists have noted a very interesting coincidence. When they held up a picture of the subject's loved one (lover, not a family member or friend), certain parts of their subject's brain were activated. These parts of the brain are the same parts that get "excited" when someone has obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD). So when we are in love, we are literally obsessed with that other person. I might be remembering the article incorrectly, but I think they also said people who are newly in love typically spend 4 hours thinking about their new lover. Four hours! (This was no surprise to me, as I go completely wacky at the first hint of a crush!) Any thoughts?