Wednesday, February 07, 2007


What can I say, folks? It's a slow news day. Since there is not much of consequence going on in VB Land, I will give you a little peek into some random thoughts in my brain lately...

1. If reincarnation exists, I want to come back as someone in the music industry. Maybe a songwriter. Because there are so many life situations for which no song has been written. When you are upset about something, there should be a song that is perfect for it. If I can't come back as a songwriter, I'd like to be a professional playlist maker. Ever look at playlists available on mp3 sites, like Napster? They are so lame: Dinner Party, 80s Girl Bands, An Evening of Jazz, etc. No offense to jazz fans or throwers of dinner parties. And I love me some Bananarama as much as the next girl, but where are the playlists people actually need? Ones like

I Am Going to Kill Your Ex-Wife if She Calls You One More Time
What if He Really is the Father?
Don't You Know He's Lying?
I Hate my Job

When Do I Get to Say 'I Told You So'?
Mom, You are Really Pissing Me Off Today
I Am So Onto Your Bullshit
Burning Up Calories and Anger On the Treadmill

2. I recently read on Wikipedia that Mormons are known for having an affinity for Jell-O. Green Jell-O in particular. This is the kind of thing that keeps me up at night, so if anyone knows more about this, please tell me. Any Mormons reading this? Because this little factoid really begs for explanation. Then again, I got it from Wikipedia, which isn't the most reliable of sources...

3. My new obsession? Statcounter. I heart it. Right now, as you are reading this, I can see where you are. So stop picking your nose. That's disgusting. Get a kleenex. Just kidding. No, I can see what town you are in and how long you're on here. Which is kinda cool. It would be cooler if I could get your street address from it so I can really stalk you. Unfortunately, there are these things called "Privacy Laws." They are to protect "Haters". Who doesn't want me ringing their front doorbell? If you knew me, you'd be all about it. But what's really fun are the phrases people use to find this blog. (Yes, Virginia, there really is a phrase lister!) Some of my favorites so far:

life in diapers (um, what?)
OCD mid-30s (ok, I can kind of understand that one...)
ten reasons to date frat brothers (also understandable, considering my college exploits...)
Virginia Bell big boobs (If you don't know who that is, click here. And no, I am not 75.)
hard to meet people after college (tell me about it!)
best avatar ever (why, thank you!)
I want a fling (and I want a million dollars, but hey, you never get everything you want! Actually, this one makes no sense to me, as I am not much for "flings". Except that one time.)
optimistic cliches (talk about bad search engine results...Little Miss Sunshine I am not.)
what do women think of jock straps (funny, I was just talking about that...)
jackson pollock myspace layout (WTF??)

Then, of course, there were the perverted ones:

virtual lap dances (why, oh why, does my blog come up as a hit for that??)
crotch pics blogspot (ok, now this one is a little more believable. I have posted pics of my crotch before. Not!)

But my all-time favorite so far has been:

peel a banana with your toes

Because I always joke around about being able to do that! I don't know if I could, but I bet I'd get farther than a lot of people. I should try sometime...

4. I lost my favorite work-out CD. This is bothering me entirely more than it should be. I think I left it at the gym. Apparently other people also like Rob Zombie. Who knew?

5. If you met me in real life, you'd be really, really surprised that I listen to that kind of music. Yeah, I'm preppy and WASPy, but I have a dark side.

6. Ok, who am I kidding. No I don't. I just like to think I do.

7. Why You Might Hate Me, Reason #45: It's mid-60s here today. I am wearing a short-sleeved shirt. It's sunny, too. Ha ha! Bite me. Go ahead. You have nothing else to do, anyway. You're buried under 4 feet of snow.

8. Have I told you how obsessed I am with British slang? And how I am on a campaign to have it popularized in the US? Seriously, I love America, but their slang is far superior to ours, guys. Snogging, how's your father, bollocks, dog's bollocks, arse, shag, bloody, dodgy, beastly, fancy, cheerio, Bob's your uncle, brassed off, goolies, bugger off, knickers, honking, cheeky, chin wag, cock up, cracking, crusty dragon, daft, gallivanting, gormy, jammy, jolly good, knackered, take the piss, wanker, wonker...I could go on and on. I luuuuurve it.

9. This is my new favorite website.

Ok, that's it for now. I'm off to the gym and then to help MJ shop for a new outfit for a date with a new hottie! You go, MJ!!!


lenfercestlesautres said...

I have that song issue too. It's so annoying to think "There must be a song that EXACTLY describes my mood/my issues/what that asshole guy did to me". And in fact, THERE NEVER IS. Arrr.

Also, the idea with the banana and the toes is great. I already know somebody with very long toes I can talk into it. Oooh that's gonna be fun :)

lenfercestlesautres said...

I have that song issue too. It's so annoying to think "There must be a song that EXACTLY describes my mood/my issues/what that asshole guy did to me". And in fact, THERE NEVER IS. Arrr.

Also, the idea with the banana and the toes is great. I already know somebody with very long toes I can talk into it. Oooh that's gonna be fun :)

shell said...

ah british slag! i'm having fun with that, too, as my new boss is a direct import from there and the funniest things come out of his mouth and i try so hard not to laugh. :)

Burg said...

Hmm.. If Mormons are into Jell-O, I wonder what the Amish are into? I've followed them in stores you know, just to see what they buy.. Next time I see one, I'll ask.

cmk said...

I always find it a hoot to read what search terms bring someone to your blog. Right now, the most common search that brings someone to mine: garters and stockings. (I DON'T want to know these people.)

Stuck said...

I never have a problem finding a song that complements my mood exactly. It could be because I'm a music addict and have more CDs than Best Buy... or maybe it's because I don't have super-complicated moods.

Meghan (The Declaration of MY Independence) said...

Mom, You are Really Pissing Me Off Today

HAHAHAHAHAHA! That would be the story of my life. However, my favorite "angry" song is Alanis Morrisette's "You Outta Know". I love to scream with it.

Tell me about the British slang, I love it myself. I used to play rugby with a girl from England and she used to teach me the words and how to use them correctly in a sentence...haha! My favorites are muppet, toss pot, and knob. The last two are kinda perverted, but I still think their hillarious!

Oh yes, I am SO feeling the hate for you right now being that I have to walk 6 blocks to work everyday and it took me about an hour to get the feeling back in my legs. Gotta love the Pittsburgh weather. I couldn't ever live down south though, things just move waaaayyy toooo slllloooww for me down there!

The Dummy said...

Ask dooce about the green jello. She might know!

jennster said...

isn't statcounter FUN?!?!?!

Petra said...

I am quite fond of Rob Zombie myself, shame about the CD.
The bitchfest site is hilarious, thanks for posting the link.
It's 21°F with a wind chill of minus some single digit number. Doesn't matter what it is b/c it all means the same - freakin cold. I would love it to be ~30°F, no wind chill. I can deal with that.

Catherine Elizabeth said...

I'm Mormon and while I can't tell you why Mormons love Jell-O, I can attest that they do. We generally serve it as a side dish, not a dessert, and one favorite combination (which I take no part it) is lemon Jell-O with shredded carrots in it, and cheese on top. Gross! I vastly prefer lime Jell-O with pineapple and cream cheese.