Monday, September 17, 2007

Drama: A Sketchy Act

Last week, Butter, E and I were informed by Mrs. Chemical that she would be celebrating her birthday on Friday night. It was a girls-only event. Much to our bewilderment, we were invited. After a brief pow-wow via email, we decided to give her the benefit of the doubt and attend.

So we show up at Liberty's (a very popular bar/restaurant) to discover that we are the party, because she apparently doesn't have any other girlfriends willing to help her celebrate her birthday. She seems ecstatic to be having a girls' night, and we were all having a really good time. "Hmmm, maybe I was wrong about her," I thought.

Over dinner, she tells us the story of her and her husband. They have been together since high school, except for one year in college when they broke up. During this break, she briefly dated her best guy pal. She just found out inadvertently that he thinks she married the wrong man. She also asked us if we thought she was out of line for not liking the fact that he has just started dating a friend of hers. We had a lively debate about dating friends' exes, but that was it. Or so it seemed.

After dinner, we decided to go dancing. By this point, we are all being total goofballs and laughing hysterically and taking funny pictures. Mrs. Chemical runs into a coworker of hers (I will call her M) and she joins our group. The fun evening began to crumble when B called E to see when she wanted him to pick her up. For whatever reason, she took this as B keeping tabs on her and trying to give her a curfew, which rubbed her the wrong way. Matters were not helped when B told her to stop "acting like a bitch."

Needless to say, E was not in the best of moods for the rest of the night, and B spent the night alone. (They are fine now, but he was in the doghouse for most of the weekend!)

Soon after that phone call, Butter runs into a guy pal of hers. It's his bachelor party, so he and his friends are all having a really fun time, and they ask us to join them in VIP.

We are all enjoying ourselves until some random girl who happened to be in VIP started dancing with the groom-to-be. This is when the evening's drama really got started, and I began to get annoyed.

Butter and E immediately go over to this poor girl to inform her that he's engaged and about to get married. She blows them off and pooh-poohs their concerns, which only gets them more motivated to lecture her and scorn her behavior. Meanwhile, Mrs. Chemical and I are watching all of this, wondering what in the hell is going on. (We couldn't hear them, but we had a general idea of what was going on by the looks on everyone's faces.) The next thing we know, we are being kicked out of VIP by the bachelor party! I guess we were being cock blockers...

By this point in the evening, it was about 1:30am and everyone is fairly intoxicated. E is in one helluva mood, compounded by the fact that Butter ending up mooching off of her beer tab -- again. Butter is still going on and on about how wrong it was for that girl to grind on her "best guy friend". I point out that Butter has never so much as mentioned this guy to us before and that it's really none of our business. "For all we know," I said, "his fiance could have told him it is ok for him to do that tonight. I mean, at least he's not at a strip club, you know? If he's going to cheat on her, nothing we do or say can stop him. So what's the point of playing Relationship Police?"

For some reason, perhaps it was the alcohol in their systems, my opinion was deemed neither ethical nor logical. I had to listen to a chorus of "So if it was your fiance, you're saying you'd be ok with that?" I stated that I like to pick my battles and that I would never marry a guy who would do something that would upset me. I would never be with a guy I couldn't trust. They just shook their heads at me and continued ranting about the nerve of the girl in the dance club.

At this point in the evening, I am just glad that we are all going home. I was starting to see why Mrs. Chemical didn't have a lot of girlfriends.

So we are walking back to Mrs. Chemical's car. She is going to drop us off at my car so we can go home. Suddenly, she turns around and says to us, "Ok, you guys, I'm going to drop you off at Virginia's car and then go meet up with someone. If anyone asks, tell them I'm hanging out with M, ok?"

I am dumbfounded. Did she just ask us to lie for her??
E, the smart little thing, plays dumb and asks her if we can go too.

"No, you can't. I'm sorry. I know what you're thinking, and that's not it. I promise that it's not. Just tell whoever asks that I'm with M, ok?"

E and I looked at each other.

I said nothing. I have a strict policy that I do not lie for other people. Heck, I don't even lie for myself, because I'm a terrible liar. E and Butter agreed to it, and we continued on down the street. Mrs. Chemical drops us off, and we get into my car.

"Ohmygod, she's cheating on her husband!!" Butter mumbles as we get into my car.
"Let's follow her!" I shout.

We saw her turn down an alley near a lesbian bar before driving away. After being initially shocked at the thought of her lying about going to a lesbian bar, I decided to calm down and assume nothing. There were other bars near there, too. Maybe she was just looking for parking. I mean, she probably knew we would follow her. There was enough drama going around already without me adding fuel to the fire. E and Butter were not familiar with that alleyway -- they didn't know about the lesbian bar. So I stayed mum about my observation.

I stated that we really could not follow her, so we continued on our way. For the first half of the ride home, we tried to figure out what on Earth just happened. I noted that she had been texting with someone all evening. E was amazed that she would ask friends of her husband to lie for her. I was shocked at how trusting she was, considering we hardly knew her. Butter was convinced she was cheating on her husband with the guy she had mentioned at dinner.

I still can't figure it out, though. She didn't have to tell us anything. I mean, just drop us off and go about your merry way. Why bring us into it? It kind of made me angry to be involved in the whole thing. I wanted to give her the benefit of the doubt on this one, but I just couldn't. None of it added up. Why would you blackmail yourself? Why would you unnecessarily bring a third party in on your big secret? What could you possibly have to hide from your husband?

And no, it's not drugs. She's a nurse and would lose her license/job if she tested positive. So we are pretty sure that's not it. Without any solid answers, our conversation went back to the other drama of the evening: E's boyfriend troubles.

E rehashed it with the two of us, and we offered our opinions. I don't think B was trying to give her a curfew. I think it must have just come out wrong. But I also think he was way out of line telling her she was acting like a bitch. You don't use the "b" word, you know? Anyway, eventually Butter started complaining about Country Boy. Her complaints about him are always a bunch of crap, and this time was no different: she felt he didn't know her on a "deeper" level. Well, whose fault is that??? Ugh. I'd had it. Both of these guys worship their girlfriends. Country Boy drives an hour and a half just to SEE Butter. B and E have already gone engagement ring shopping, for Pete's sake. And here they are, nitpicking them to death over a bunch of bullshit! Aaaargh.

"Well," I said to them as they were bitching about their boyfriends simultaneously, "have you talked to him about it?"

"YESS!!!" they replied in chorus.

"So, if you've talked to them, and they aren't changing, then DUMP THEM!! I mean, this is RIDICULOUS!!! They are crazy about you guys, and you're bitching about stupid stuff! Just like that poor girl at the bar! She didn't know! Stop being Relationship Police! Pick your freaking battles!!!" I shouted.

The car got quiet. I breathed a sigh of relief. FINALLY, they shut the hell up!!! We drove the rest of the way in silence. Sometimes, losing your temper can pay off.

We got home and sat outside and talked some more. Butter bummed cigarettes from E. Even I was beginning to get annoyed by her mooching at this point. I was about to just say goodnight and hit the hay when Country Boy came over to pick Butter up. He told E that B was upset for what he said and that he apologized. He also told E that she misunderstood B's phone call. I could tell E was not quite as angry as she had been earlier. Whew.

We began to give Country Boy a re-cap of our evening when Mr. Chemical called him. Here is how the conversation went between the two men:

Mr. C: Hey, are you over at Virginia's house with the girls?
CB: Yeah, but Mrs. C isn't here.
Mr. C: Well, where is she?
CB: [to us] Hey, where's Mrs. C?
Butter & E: She stayed out with M.
CB: [to Mr. C] They said she stayed out with M.
Mr. C: Oh, man! That means she'll be out all night!

CB got off the phone and repeated that to us. E and I looked at each other. I felt a twinge of guilt, followed by resentment towards Mrs. Chemical. And I haven't been able to get that line out my head since: Oh man! That means she'll be out all night!

Grrrr. Thank goodness the rest of my weekend was 100% drama-free. I'll give you the CN update tomorrow. Until then, I need some advice and opinions about all of this! Was I out of line with what I said to Butter and E? And is it ok for a random girl to dance with a guy who's about to get married? I feel pretty strongly about my opinions, but maybe I'm wrong.

But most importantly, what should I do about Mrs. Chemical's secret?? At this point, I don't think I want to hang out with her anymore. I don't like meddling in other people's business, but if she's cheating on her husband, that's kind of a big deal, right? What else could she possibly be doing that she would need to lie about?


Phantom Hater said...

This long-ass post, in a nutshell, is why women can be just as shady as any dude, except guys are usually too stupid to be any good at it. Getting other people to cover up for them and wondering why they have trust issues with their bf/husband. Your friends who covered up aren't any better. I wouldn't trust any of them as far as I could spit.

I'm also wondering why the girls were ganging up on the girl grinding on the groom-to-be. He could have just said, "Sorry, I'm getting married" and pushed her away. Sounds like your girlfriend is carrying a torch for the guy. Her behavior sounds a little catty.

Sorry, I'm a bit grouchy, but I hate shady people. I'd rather be an honest asshole. At least people know where I stand.

Phantom Hater said...

Oh, and I wouldn't worry about Mrs. Chemical. People make their own bed and lie in it. You don't have to climb in with her.

Coco said...

I don't think you were out of line at all. First off, you are 100% correct, if a girl can't trust her boyfriend, then she should get out NOW. Second, you're right-they didn't know anything about the situation, and it's not their place to play cop-the most they should do is look at them disapprovingly and mutter under their breath about what a skank that girl is. And that is CRAZZZZZY about Mrs. C . . .dear god, could she BE any creepier? That puts you guys in the weirdest position ever-if it ever comes back to him that E & B lied?? The shit is going to hit the fan.

LowTide said...

Now this is a good read. I don’t mind the fashion updates, but I prefer drama like this. I think your buddies were out of line for getting mad at the girl dancing with the groom-to-be. Sure she’s no angel for dancing with a guy who is about to be married, but their anger should have been directed at the groom-to-be. Why didn’t they go over to the groom-to-be and let him have it? I am not taking up for the poor girl. Maybe she didn’t know the situation. I just think your friends reacted too quickly.

As for your friends bitching about their boyfriends, I thought that is what girlfriends are supposed to do. Just kidding. I think they need to be grateful for having such good boyfriends.

I don’t think Mrs. C. is completely evil. Having been married, I sort of understand what Mrs. C. is thinking. She loved Mr. C. (or thought she did) but probably got married because she thought that was what she was supposed to do. After dating for years and now married, she feels like there is nothing really left for her. She is bored with what she has and hates what she has become. There is no excitement in her life. Up until now, there is nothing criminal about her feelings. This happens in life. People make bad decisions, but you don’t compound one bad decision with many more. It is not even criminal for her to have some sort of crush on a guy. Having a platinum wedding band does not make you stop thinking about what else is out there. That is just human nature.

Where she gets into trouble is seeking something from someone else before telling Mr. C. how she feels and trying to make things work. If you can’t make it work and don’t have those feelings, then move on. You gave it shot, and you tired to make it work. Move on. But don’t go meeting someone else in a bar and use your friends to lie about where you are and what you are doing. That is not fair to put your friends in that situation. Mr. C. would be hurt if she told him that she just did not love him and wanted out of the marriage. However, he would be a 1000 times more hurt if he finds out that she does not love him, wants out of the marriage AND has been cheating on him. Likewise, she would feel guilty about ending the marriage, but her guilt would increase exponentially if the marriage ends because he catches her cheating. Columbia is a small town. It would not take long before she gets caught.

Being married is very difficult, and it takes work. There are going to be highs and lows. When there are lows, you don’t run to someone else. Try and make it work.

RWA said...

I think what you said to Butter and E was fine.

I don't have a problem with the dancing. When I worked at the club, bachelorette parties came in there all the time - and the bride-to-be was dancing with all sorts of folks. It's not sex. It's dancing.

That Mrs. Chemical thing is weird as hell. I'm not sure what to do on that one. I would say it's over and done with and don't worry about it.

KingBob said...

I think you should force a better explanation out of Mrs. Chemical. She owes you at least that for covering for her. Something is obviously up if hanging out with the M cover story automatically means that she's going to be out all night.

The girl dancing with the groom ON THE NIGHT OF HIS BACHELOR PARTY is meaningless. That's what bachelor parties are for; one last night of getting down! Grinding with a girl is far different than having sex with her. We have a dozen bachelorette parties come through every weekend at PI and you ought to see what some of THEM are up to!

lenfercestlesautres said...

Agree with rwa. It's not sex. It's dancing. That's what bachelor parties are for.

About Mrs. Chemical... Either you stop seeing her (if you can)... or you try to find out what exactly she's doing when she's out all night. I honestly don't think there's much more a married woman would do on a secret night out alone than either drugs or sex. Maybe she DID go to that lesbian bar.

Kraig said...

The girls overreacted. Its up to the guy to determine what goes, and for all we know, his g/f is ok with what he was doing. its also his last night of freedom, and who's to say his wife to be isn't out there doing the same on her bachelorette party.

As for Mrs. C, I would avoid the situation if you can. Its not your business whats going on in their marriage. She could have been meeting a friend, going out for drugs, experimenting with her sexual orientation, or having sex with an old flame. Unless you know something for sure, its not your business to say or do anything. And even if you know something, its a grey area whether you should get involved. Many times the person you tell will place some of their anger on you (shoot the messenger), and by being the one informing someone of a betrayal can lead to loosing a friend.

Good luck.

GrewUpRural said...

I agree with everyone else, your friends did over react. Last time I checked, dancing with another person wasn't a crime.

If I were in your shoes, I would have yelled at your friends about their complaining in regards to their boyfriends. A little yelling never hurt anyone. It's best when the yelling comes from someone you least expect.

As for Mrs. C, do not ask her for any more information in regards to her whereabouts that night. If you get her to open up about that night, you will probably know more than you would like. Also, if she opens up to you about that night, it may lead to her opening up about more things in her relationship. I don't think you want that information.

When Darkness Falls... said...

I agree with everyone else about the Bachelor party. That is what they are for - leave the girl alone! As for your friends, I think your advise was right on! Sure your girlfriends are there for you to bitch about your boyfriends to, but about important things. If they are that unhappy that they have to nit pick it to death then they both need to move on.

As far as Mrs. C goes - wow! First off, congratulations to you for not lying! If you have read my blog you wil see that lying for friends and knowing too much gets you no where but in a big ass mess. I would leave the situation alone. The less you know the less you can be asked about. And the less anger/guilt you will feel. No one knows what goes on in some one else's relationship but most of the time I think that is a good thing. Then you don't feel responsible.

teahouse said...

I agree that you shouldn't lie for Mrs. C. Try to stay as far, far the hell away from that as you can.

This is why I stay in at night like a lame-o. Haw!!!

M said...

I agree with Phantom Hater...women lie and cheat too. And the most wacked out rationalizations for cheating I have heard have been from women not men! Anyway, even if Mrs Chemical isn't cheating, she is lying to her husband and expecting you guys to lie for her. Not cool at all.

Meghan (The Declaration of MY Independence) said...

OK, so this is what you should do about Mrs. Chemical - nothing. She IS NOT your friend and really, neither is Mr. Chemical. So dont sweat it. If your out with the both of them, and that topic comes up again, just ignore it and keep all opinions to yourself. You DO NOT want to be in the middle of this. Its not your drama, not your problem. If something is asked to you directly like "Where was Mrs. Chemical that night?", I would say something along the lines of "I'm not sure where she went, why dont you ask her?" That way, your not lying and your putting her on the spot. So what if she hates you afterwards? Its not like your BFFs.

Sorry if I came off strong on this answer, I didnt mean to go all Czarina on you...haha. I have just been learning that I should NOT care about people's opinions who do not matter in my life. I think you should do the same friend :)

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