Monday, March 08, 2010

All By Myself

Now that you have that song stuck in your head (hate me?)...




For three weeks. And 20 minutes into it, so far, it is A-W-E-S-O-M-E. I feel like I am on vacation. Think of me how you will, but the Ex-F (that's CN to most of you) just left to go out of town for...


And I am soooooooo happy. He has been driving me bonkers lately. You see, he's having a hard time understanding that we are no longer together. My evidence?

I received a birthday present. (a nice gesture, I will say)
I received a Christmas present. (also a nice gesture)
I received a Valentine's Day present. And card. Which ended with "Love, CN"

Think about it. When was the last time you gave your ex any or all of the above? I thought so. To make it even more awkward, his mom still says hi to me when she calls, which is (again) nice, but really not necessary. I have slowly been trying to distance myself from him. But it's not easy.

If I am making dinner, and didn't consult him or invite him, he gets angry and sulks.
If I don't welcome him home at the end of the day, he sulks.
If I say anything which implies we are no longer an item or that I am no longer in love with him, he sulks.

I am sick and tired of all the sulking. It's manipulative and irritating. Because if I don't go over to him and apologize and soothe him, he will never stop sulking. It's gone on for as long as 48 hours before I give in. UGH. And lately, I have been not making as much of an effort to de-sulk him. Because I don't effing care anymore. We are over. Sorry it ended this way, it's not like I planned it. But we are not together anymore, so stop acting like it. Build a bridge already!

Ok, now that I have exposed myself as a cruel and heartless bitch, I will go on. Venting over for the time being.

I think that little dating he did a few weeks back was just something he was trying to distract himself with. His heart wasn't really in it. Yesterday, he was acting very strangely, and after asking him a MILLION times to just tell me (because that's fun), he told me he was sad about us. I have those days, too, sometimes, so I understand. But when you have no hobbies and no friends, it's kind of hard to get out of that slump and sad mood. To get over crap times in your life, you need a support network of friends and interests. He has neither, despite my pleading with him about how much it would benefit his level of happiness.

(Y'all, I am not exaggerating -- the man really has little interest in anything outside of the NFL and watching TV, and he has never had many friends because he is both paranoid and refuses to put himself out there. Yes, these two aspects of his personality played a role in our breaking up. I got tired of always being social director.)

Ok, so I lied about the venting being over.

Last night, Ex-F announced he was going to look into moving out when he gets back from his work trip. Thank effing gawd. We have been staying here as roomies (ask me how fun that is, btw) for 6 months, and although I love saving all this money, I am about to lose my mind. Not only is it an awkward living situation, but I am on Sulk Patrol, I can't really date and I'm rapidly becoming majorly annoyed with the fact that he feels the need to hog up all the space in the refrigerator with 7 different types of drinks. And he is SO LOUD all the time. Howard Stern (which I abhor) is blared all day long at 56 decibels.

Whoa. I didn't realize how annoyed I was until I started writing this post!

Anyway, at this point, I am ok with sucking it up for a few months and paying for the rent by myself. I may not even move when the lease is up. I don't think I will be able to find anything with as much space, quiet and safety for any less. The only problem?

My tenant (in my house in SC) is moving out in 3 weeks. I currently do not have a replacement tenant. So this might get interesting, financially. Add to that, my plan B fell through -- did I tell you about the married couple I know who said they would be willing to share a house w/me when my lease is up? Well, I just found out they renewed their lease for another year, which means they are not moving in August as originally planned. Looks like I am out on my own.

Rats. Oh well. I have not lived alone in a while, and I am DYING to. Ex-F never leaves the house, which means I am never alone at all. Never. All day, every day. Unless I leave the house. Which gets old, because sometimes I want to just crash in front of the TV in my jammies, not get in my car to go somewhere and be anonymous in public. Why do I always have to be the one to leave?

In case you are wondering why I am not considering moving out, here are the reasons:

1. Ex-F really cannot afford this rent on his own. I can (even though it means I will be eating PB&J sandwiches for lunch every day). The last thing I want to do is dick him over some more.
2. Knowing him, he will return from his trip all happy and perfectly content with staying put. He talks a big game, but always opts for whatever is easiest in life (another personality trait I don't like.)
3. Until I get a tenant in my house in SC, I need to stick with whatever is cheapest, and right now, that means staying put and convincing Ex-F to stay put, too.

Ugh. Boy did I learn my lesson. I am NEVER living with a man again until I get married. Whenever that is.

Thanks for letting me vent. And if you think I'm a bitch, that's ok. Maybe I am. But living with Mr. Sulkface who has no friends or interests other than stocking an army's worth of drinks in the fridge would get on your nerves,too. Trust me.


GrewUpRural said...

First off, you are not being a bitch at all. Second, CN sounds just like my ex. My ex had no friends, talked a big game but opted for the easiest route and was constantly paranoid about everything. That definitely took a big toll on me - financially, emotionally, and physically.

From reading your posts for the past few years, you are definitely a strong woman who can handle a lot. It's time to do what is best for you!!

People thought I was a bitch in the way I handled the break up. Some people actually said it to my face. With a smile, I told those people, Thank you, I haven't had a compliment like that in a while. It usually left them dumbfounded.

kimmykins13 said...

Oh Dear - you really are stuck between a rock and a hard place aren't you? I sure hope it works out soon. It would drive me absolutely crazy too. When I broke up with my ex I kicked his ass to the curb. I packed up everything he owned while he was at work, put it in the foyer then told him to "come get your shit, get it out of my house and get it out of here TODAY" (He moved to Va.Beach from Chicago to be with me)and my name was the only one on the lease - so no, I don't think your a bitch...but I was and I'm not sorry. When you've had enough you've had enough. Enjoy your three weeks of solitude!

Coco said...

Ugh! Just like the others say-you are not a bitch at all! That would be an AWFUL situation to be in!

And how many times lately have I been confronted with men who have no friends and no real life/hobbies/interests?? As a strong, independent woman, I appreciate a guy who has his own life that I can be part of and vice versa and sometimes, yes, amazingly, we can do things apart! Novel idea, eh? I don't know what it is that so many guys seem to end up that way. It would be very frustrating to deal with.

I *really* hope that he follows through on his moving out. It would be so much better for both of you. I am soooo sorry that you're having to deal with this!

Here's hoping things turn around soon-AND that you really enjoy this three weeks!!

columbiacitygirl said...

No, you are not a bitch at all, just a nice person who is (understandingly) at the end of her rope.

Will keep my ears open in Columbia if I hear of someone needing a place to rent. Have you tried Craigslist?

Stuck said...

I actually know someone who might be looking for a place in the next month. Shoot me an email/facebook message.

teahouse said...


It sux being in purgatory. But this too shall pass.

Debbie said...

As another strong, independant woman... I must say, I'd go crazy living with a sulky ex.

I love my pajamas, my couch and my remote in the evenings and it would take a lot for me to give that up!

I hope things work out for you and he starts looking around for a place soon. :)

Jonathan Zero said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Jonathan Zero said...

My ex-girlfriend was like CN and as far as I know still is, few friends and paranoid on just about everything. Sometimes you have to do what is best for you. I do hope he does start the ball rolling on moving out. I think you may have to push him some. Ugh, I do not know how you have stayed there with him this long.
Oh, and Happy Belated Birthday!

Fluffycat said...

You are so definitely NOT a bitch. I think you are putting up with a lot from him and I will be glad for you when you are finally free from his sulkiness.

NancyM said...

Set a move-out date. Just set it. Tell him you have a friend who will be moving in on that date (hey - could happen!) and that's his timeline. You know you could cover the rent on your own (set it out a couple of months so you have some reaction time on your SC place) but just SET THE DATE. You can always opt to change it ('hey, she won't be moving in after all') but it gets the fire lighted. Non-self-motivators need something to get their ball rolling.

I hear you on the 'never living together' stance - it was my swear-to-gawd mantra for all of my post-divorce days, and I altered it to move in with S (6 mos after our engagement) and guess what?? we're still not married. the longer we wait, the more I wonder if he's changing his mind, which makes me groan over all of MY furniture I sold/gave away to move in with him, and what it will cost me if things go belly-up and I have to move on. Thinking that he's flaking out makes me question if I WANT to be in this, and it's a downward spiral from there. It's fear kicking in, yes, but that fear wouldn't be there if I wasn't feeling so vulnerable over giving up my own space when things weren't solidified.

Lessons learned. Apparently, we never stop learning 'em.

Hang in there. Make good use of the laptop out and about in the meantime!

NancyM said...

btw - didn't he get a transfer to move to Savannah? could he transfer back and move into his house? Could HE be the new tenant in YOUR house until his tenants move and he moves himself back in? (yes, it's convoluted, but that pretty much defines your situation anyway, right?) [read that with a tone of sympathetic humor, not nastiness]

Virginia Belle said...

You guys rock. I really appreciate all your support and encouragement. So far, this 3 week break has been really awesome. I definitely have lower stress levels.

To answer your question, Nancy, yes, you are correct and you have a great memory. He transferred down here, and yes, transferring back to SC is an option for him. He likes his boss here much better than his boss up in SC, though. His tenants might renew their lease, in which case, he may end up being my new tenant. We actually talked about this. He had some doubts about renting from me and moving back to SC, but he's kind of a waffler. I would not be surprised if he comes back and is perfectly content to stay put.

Christina said...

ugh, sorry to hear about mr. sulkface. that would annoy me to no end. hopefully he will come back from his break with a fresh mind. is moving back to columbia an option for you? i'd rather have him as a tenant than a roommate. you already know his financial situation and could trust him on that aspect. and even though he wouldnt be out of your life completely, he will be a lot further than what he is now.

Scotty said...

I would be annoyed as well :)

Totally like the "don't be this guy" label