tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18879154.post4954832623512577061..comments2023-10-24T03:51:26.482-04:00Comments on Virginia Belle: The Mother of All LecturesVirginia Bellehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09139549722127680662noreply@blogger.comBlogger10125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18879154.post-77572100531819022362008-08-13T03:24:00.000-04:002008-08-13T03:24:00.000-04:00hey, try living across the world from your mother!...hey, try living across the world from your mother! Luckily I manage to head off most of the lectures but I think there's some equation including # of miles from mother = exponential increase in worry causing lectures of infinite proportions (except I suck at math).Cazhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01686803288323819543noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18879154.post-61787362762808279592008-08-12T12:24:00.000-04:002008-08-12T12:24:00.000-04:00omg yes i can see why you want no phone. how dishe...omg yes i can see why you want no phone. how disheartening to get a call like that?! that totally sucks.Becky at lifeoutoffocushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08281237800161723776noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18879154.post-54395298171960516652008-08-11T16:19:00.000-04:002008-08-11T16:19:00.000-04:00I've often wondered what motivates some parents to...I've often wondered what motivates some parents to act like this. I think I mentioned it before, but my last ex's mom reminded me a lot of the way you describe your mom, and her relationship with my ex was similar. Her mom was very much an "in-charge" Southern Matriarch who had very definite opinions on things. I found out later in the relationship that she had wanted to chaperone our first date!! lol. Such a time warp some people live in. What really reminded me was the comment that your mom "always ended up being right". My ex said the same thing. Is that *really* true, though, or is it just an impression that all of the negative portents she described came to happen in some fashion, even if it wasn't exactly as she predicted? My dad's a little like that. I think "I told you so" may be his favorite expression.<BR/><BR/>Anyway, I could think of a lot of reasons why my ex's mom acted the way she did (her comments were usually very negative, but she never understood why people took it that way--very lacking in empathy). An alcoholic husband who basically left her in charge was what I always thought was the main one. <BR/><BR/>I think the main thing is that older people are lonely and that older women might still try to live out their lives through their daughters. As people age and slowly start to have less control and influence over people, they try to tenaciously cling onto what they do have. Since you haven't let her into what's going on with you and CN, she is forced to create her own scenarios and fill in the blanks. And if everything is going well, she doesn't have as much to do in your life, so maybe she likes to stir up the pot a little. <BR/><BR/>Some of the stuff she said is just downright crappy. Breaking off a "few engagements?" Why say yes in the first place? That's messed up. I know your "mom wants the best for you", but I don't think that's what is motivating her here. I'll tell you the only thing that would make her happy in your choice of mate--if *she* picked him out herself. Anything other than that will fall short.<BR/><BR/>I also don't know if you should have told CN. I know you shouldn't keep things from a bf, but I'm sure he'll now have some resentment towards your mother (and IMO, rightfully so) and that might make things awkward.Phantom Haterhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16201889982177934778noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18879154.post-40124225222237519852008-08-11T09:06:00.000-04:002008-08-11T09:06:00.000-04:00Very good epiphany.My godmother used to be like th...Very good epiphany.<BR/><BR/>My godmother used to be like that (before she passed away, God rest her soul). The way I handled it was to write her letters and emails a lot instead of calling her. That way, I got the credit for contacting her, but I didn't have to put up with her lectures. Not sure if that's an option for you, but I thought I'd throw it out as a suggestion.<BR/><BR/>Big hugs to you. Try not to let your mom's words spread poison. I know it's hard, but you're an adult now and you can make your own decisions. And it's time she learned that her efforts to stir things up will not be rewarded.teahousehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06222848511993932548noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18879154.post-57139927106721068302008-08-09T22:30:00.000-04:002008-08-09T22:30:00.000-04:00hm. if she said stuff you hadn't thought of before...hm. if she said stuff you hadn't thought of before the lecture, throw it out the door. seriously. do not let her opinions put a wedge between you and CN. the issues you have with CN should be your issues not your mother's issues.(M)aryhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10753777348163655324noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18879154.post-16579574197981950942008-08-07T18:18:00.000-04:002008-08-07T18:18:00.000-04:00What? You're "domineering"?And CN is still going o...What? You're "domineering"?<BR/><BR/>And CN is still going out with you?<BR/><BR/>You need to give me his e-mail address, cell phone number, SOMETHING.<BR/><BR/>Immediately.<BR/><BR/>Poor guy needs help.<BR/><BR/><BR/>:)<BR/><BR/>Just kidding...Southern (in)Sanityhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08161448234899521650noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18879154.post-14859596125600640882008-08-07T14:49:00.000-04:002008-08-07T14:49:00.000-04:00This was awesome and I completely understand. If ...This was awesome and I completely understand. If the topic of dating comes up I usually end the conversation with "I have to go, I'll talk to you tomorrow". End of conversation. If it's really bad I'll call up my sister(s) after and start the conversation with "Our mother is crazy". Strength in numbers. If its really, really bad I wait until I can talk to my Dad and have him knock some sense into her. The only logical reasoning I have is that mothers forget that you're a grown woman.Stellahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16195966767311524232noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18879154.post-89651791792939706732008-08-07T13:23:00.000-04:002008-08-07T13:23:00.000-04:00I am so super jealous that you have all of this fi...I am so super jealous that you have all of this figured out. I think I'm going to send you informational tidbits of my mother and see if you can figure out why she acts the way she does!<BR/><BR/>But you know that I can very well sympathize with you on this. And if you ever need to talk, well I'm here for you!Meghan (The Declaration of MY Independence)https://www.blogger.com/profile/08437426078664351801noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18879154.post-41101150079164159682008-08-06T18:32:00.000-04:002008-08-06T18:32:00.000-04:00I think you should send her this post. You said it...I think you should send her this post. You said it all perfectly.Capricorn Cringehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02656396122660056009noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18879154.post-62352353770142845292008-08-06T17:44:00.000-04:002008-08-06T17:44:00.000-04:00If you have figured it out at the tender age of 29...If you have figured it out at the tender age of 29, then you are LIGHT YEARS ahead of me! I don't have much advice--after all, my way to deal with The Mother is to cut her out of my life. Not exactly the most mature, best way to handle things. :) If there is any way you can go to your 'happy place' in your mind during one of the lectures and keep saying 'cancel, cancel' while she is talking, then maybe you will weather the storm better. You have shown that you can take care of your life well--believe in yourself and let the criticisms evaporate from your mind. Good luck!cmkhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17984250869194585666noreply@blogger.com