Virginia Belle

Virgin Territory

2012-01-14T09:26:00.005-05:00

Now, now, don't get excited. This post has nothing to do with anyone's V Card. I know I am not the only perverted person out there, so I figured I'd establish that right off the bat.

I figured I'd summarize my first month or so of living in Richmond. It's kind of a surreal experience, moving back to a town you haven't lived in since you were 12. My hometown is only an hour and a half away from Richmond, so I've visited many many times since then, but as a visitor, I have never actually driven in Richmond. So although the street names are familiar, navigating them is something else. But that's the fun part. What I forgot about were the toll highways. You don't really see them down south. And people don't let you in when you need to change lanes. Guess I'm not deep in Southern Hospitality anymore. Although I will say that men here do open doors for ladies, something I've always appreciated. A guy actually apologized to me the other day for not getting the door for me. *sigh* Southern Gentlemen are the best.

So far, overall, I love Richmond. It's bigger, so there are more shopping, cultural, recreational and dating opportunities. Hooray for that. Richmond is also a pretty classy town, I have to say. Savannah and even Columbia were both a little raggedy, with litter everywhere, poorly maintained streets and just a general air of poverty and sadness. Richmond is clean and neat and well-maintained, from what I have seen so far. Gone are the hipsters of Savannah and the Good Ol' Boys of Columbia. People here seem to be more genteel, as cheesy as that sounds. Now, don't get me wrong. Some of my best friends are hipsters and Good Ol' Boys. But I will never really be part of either of those groups. I just feel like I fit in here better. People here are less pretentious than hipsters and more cultured than Good Ol' Boys. It's a good balance, in my opinion.

The city has a lot going for it, and I can't wait to explore everything it has to offer. There's all kinds of parks and activities on the James River, which cuts right through town. There's a neat old part of town called Shockoe Slip, full of bars and restaurants and shops. I live near Carytown, which is a great boutique/cafe area of town. The state capital and all the state agencies are here, as well as a major university (VCU). One of the things I always liked about Columbia was that due to the state government and the major university being there, it always made the city full of life and activity. It's the same here. There are several museums and tons of historical things here, like the church where Patrick Henry gave his "Give Me Liberty" speech -- pretty cool! There's lots of Colonial America and Civil War history around here. Today I am going to visit the Edgar Allen Poe Museum. One of my friends from Savannah is doing a reading there today, so I told her I'd stop by and see her.

It's a good thing my family is so close by, because otherwise, I'd be super lonely. I don't really work with anyone who's in my demographic, unlike my job in Savannah. And I haven't met too many of my neighbors yet -- it's not fun to strike up conversations when it's 30 degrees outside. So I spend most of my time alone. I know it's only temporary, and I have ideas for how to meet people, but it still stinks for the time being! I guess I had it easy in Savannah -- there were tons of young professionals to hang out with. It's just going to take time. I'm going to join the gym and also this organization (looks like so much fun, but they don't really do much until March). I also need to find a church (I've been church-shopping with no luck so far). There's also a roller derby team here, but I would have to psych myself up for that. It looks like fun, and a great way to meet girlfriends, but I am such a wuss when it comes to pain and haven't been on rollerskates since I was about 10.

Speaking of being 10 years old, on Monday, I am going to have lunch with my best friend from 4th grade. How's that for crazy? She and I have been facebook friends for a while, but I don't think I've seen her since then. She now lives in Richmond, too, so I suggested we meet up.

Next weekend, The Czarina is getting married, so she's all in a tizzy. It should be fun, though. If there's one thing my mom is good at, it's throwing parties. I'll see pretty much every friend of my family. (Is it a sign that I'm getting older when I say that I like hanging out with my parents' friends as much as I like hanging out with my own?) I'm really happy for my mom. And my stepdad is great.

I absolutely love my new place. It's like it was designed to hold my stuff -- everything fits perfectly. As soon as I get most of the decorating done, I will share pics. The only thing I wish it had was a fireplace. Then it would be perfect.

It's totally freezing here, and my wardrobe is not equipped for it. I've been hunting for sweaters like a fiend. From what I've been told, I won't be able to get out my flip-flops until April. Aw, man!

I'll blog more about my new job and my dating life soon. Thanks, as always, for reading! Please leave comments so I can feel connected to human beings and not continue to have full conversations with my dog! I am so lonely!

New Year's Peeve

2011-12-31T20:41:00.007-05:00

Greetings from Virginia! I will fill you in on my new life here later, with details about The Most Frustrating and Neverending Move Ever in the History of Relocations, The Magical Weight Loss Phenomenon and The Vague Job with Unavailable Boss (Through No Fault of Her Own). All you need to know at this moment is that

A) I love Richmond already.
B) My love life has already gone to shit, if you can believe it. Luckily, this has not impacted A (see above). Yet.

You may have noticed that it is almost 9pm on New Year's Eve. And I am blogging. In my jammies. Alone. What, did you think things would be different, now that I am out of horrible Savannah? That just because I am closer to my family and finally back where I feel at home that my romantic endeavors would be any different than they always have been? Or perhaps it's because last year's NYE was absolutely amazingly fun and awesome? Oh, my little naive readers. You know I can't let this year end without yet another crash-and-burn tale from my dating life, or lack thereof. Although I got down to the wire, I did manage to squeeze one final story into 2011 for you.

2011 started with a great dating story and it will end with another. Ok, I guess last year's NYE wasn't totally amazing and fun by the time it was over. But it most certainly started off that way, and it was a helluva lot better than the way this one is shaping up. Let me explain.

Thanks to the intervention of several friends and/or relatives, I was talked into (read: dragged kicking and screaming) signing up for eHarmony (emphasis on "harm") late last summer. Since you pay for it 3 months' at a time, I had completely forgotten that it would automatically renew itself, so after 3 months of guys who didn't even sound good on paper, I got to -- surprise! -- get automatically charged for another 3 months' of depressing dating prospects! Well, by the time I realized that this had happened, I was in the midst of leaving Savannah to move to Richmond. And they don't do refunds. So I had another 3 months' worth of prepaid virtual dating to burn through. Ever the Pollyanna/mental nimrod/glutton for punishment that I am when it comes to dating, I decided I would just update my eHarmony profile to list Richmond as my location and keep on trying. I am new in town. What else was I going to do with my free time?

Well, I was very pleasantly surprised, let me tell you. Not only were the men better looking in Richmond, but they were better educated, too, with more interesting jobs. Gone were the Savannah hipster bartenders who looked like they don't bathe and the desperate-for-any-female military men. (I do support our men in uniform, heck, my brother is a vet for pete's sake, but what is with their desperation to get girlfriends? It is seriously freaky. I wish they would work on that, collectively.) The guys in Richmond seem...pretty great, actually! Woo hoo!

There were a few that seemed pretty good, but one stood out above the rest. MM was just the right age, looked like he knew how to have a good time and was pretty good looking. I had looked at his profile about 3 times before I realized that in this one photo, there was a kid. He looked so good in the photo, I literally didn't even see the kid, who turns out to be one of his daughters. Yes, he has 2 daughters and an ex-wife. That's a decent amount of baggage, but I like kids and I am trying to be more open minded about stuff like that. I haven't been dating much lately (read: at all...for 2 years....). I just wanted someone who seemed like fun. So we started emailing, which progressed to texting.

He was great! He was flirtatious, funny and seemed interested in me. He asked me out and we booked a date. We were going to meet for dinner in The Fan, which is the old home/cool boutiques/best restaurants area of Richmond. I was pretty stoked. It was my first date in *ahem* over 2 years (except for the blind date where I was a cougar and we didn't really hit it off anyway, so I am not even going to link to that post). I had an outfit picked out and was kind of excited to do some in-person flirting with MM.

That is, until he canceled on me the day before. Something about work being really crazy and he had to work late on the night of our date. Ok, well, everyone deserves the benefit of the doubt, I thought. It's the holidays, and everyone is a little crazy right now. So we rescheduled. And then I cried a little, because I was so disappointed. Normally, I have a rule against dating guys who make me cry, but since this was a work thing, it wasn't his fault. So we ended up just texting for another week. (I began to get annoyed at the texting after a while...why not just call me? So much easier and less sketchy.) Things got very flirtatious, though. It's so easy to flirt via text...where was I?

Our first date went well...even though he was a little bit late. (Again, I try to give people the benefit of the doubt on first dates. They can be nerve-wracking. So I let it slide. He had texted me to say he was running a little late, so that helped.) The food was good and we had good conversation, but what was odd was the complete and total lack of flirting going on. And he was sitting a little farther away from me than I would have preferred. This, from the guy who, earlier in the week, was asking me some very PG-13 questions via my phone (some I would not even answer because they were a little too personal). This same guy, who had been talking up a big storm about kissing me, was acting like we were on a totally blind date. It was very odd.

He also did most of the talking, which is one of my first date pet peeves. I like a healthy split of getting to know each other, not the entire sordid story of why your marriage broke up. All I asked was how long he had been divorced. I didn't really need to know that she cheated and lied and all that other stuff. It's not really any of my business and made me a little uncomfortable.

I switched topics and asked him about his family. He describes his mother as "manipulative and controlling" and I could see a little red flag pop up. Now, anyone who knows me at all knows that my mother drives me nuts and I believe The Czarina to be a major control freak, but I would never describe her as manipulative, and I certainly wouldn't tell any of that to someone I just met. This, combined with his description of his ex-wife and a couple of bad dates he'd been on recently caused me to make a joke about how he'd bad mouth me later, too. He assured me I was a very pleasant surprise and that I was as attractive in person as I was in my photos. That was a relief. I decided that I would keep my ears peeled for more misogynistic comments, but the little things he said weren't instant deal breakers. For all I knew, it could have been nerves.

I decided to focus on how good looking he was and how good he smelled. And how to get him to sit closer to me. I decided to take off my jacket, exposing a black sequined top that was cut just low enough to be date-worthy, but not slutty. I could feel his eyes right where I wanted them to be. And although he did angle his body towards me a little more and put his arm on the back of the booth, his rear remained firmly in place...too far away for any serious flirting to take place. Rats. I guess that's what I got for telling him the he's not allowed to kiss me on our first date. Oh the joys of trying to pretend to be good when I really don't want to be..........

Our date got better as the night wore on. Aside from the comments about his mom and ex and my unsuccessful attempt to get him to scoot closer, it went well. It went so well that he asked me for a 2nd date just before hugging me goodbye. I was stoked.

Then, all this week, he went back to the vicious flirting and regular texting. I told him I was tired of texting and just wanted to talk, so he called me. After the phone call, he texted me to say how much he likes hearing my voice on the phone. He even asked my favorite question in the whole world: "When can I see you again?". *sigh* I love that question. At this point, I am thinking we are definitely having a super hot makeout session on Date #2. Even if I have to wear a super slut-tastic shirt this time. I can't take it anymore.

Two hours before he's supposed to pick me up for our second date, he texts me.

Would you be pissed if I asked you if we could reschedule for next week?

"If you have to ask that question, you already know the answer, douchebag," I thought. I texted back: So you're canceling on me again?

I am so sorry, he replied.

At this point, I am about to punch a wall I am so pissed. I don't reply. When I get home from work, he texts me again: I am so sorry. If you don't ever want to talk to me again, I totally understand.

Now, I am not stupid. I know that if you really liked someone, you would never say that, out of fear they'd take you up on the idea. He wanted out, but didn't want to be the bad guy. This guy has really mastered texting. He uses it to say all sorts of things he doesn't have the balls to say in person. Despite texting me every day, despite all his little innuendos about sleeping with me, despite the compliments he gave me, despite asking me out a 2nd time...he wanted out. Why, I don't know. And I never will know. Because I replied with

Good. Because I don't.

The worst part was, he never replied to that text.

Homeward Bound

2011-10-23T12:41:00.003-04:00

Interview was a little odd (they asked a couple of questions that were not typical questions). Not sure if I answered them all that well.

I was nervous, and forgot the names of the people interviewing me, so I was unable to send thank you notes to 3 of the 4 people. Luckily, the one name I did remember is the director of the museum library.

I had good feelings (but not great) about how I did.

Tried every day since then to not get my hopes up, dreading a rejection letter and being stuck here for another 6 months or something.

But all was for naught. I got the job!!!!!!!!!!

I start the Monday after Thanksgiving!!!!! I am SO EXCITED. But I think The Czarina may actually be more excited than I am. :)

More later....gotta run. Millions of things to do. Like tell my job I am quitting....they don't know yet! So those of you who know me on FB, keep this under wraps for the time being!

Carry Me Back to Old Virginia?

2011-10-03T09:35:00.005-04:00

Y'all, my job hunt is on the move. I am on Mission: Richmond or Bust. After a lot of thinking and praying and research, I have decided that there isn't really anything my current job can do to keep me here in Savannah and that I am only interested in moving to Richmond, VA. I hate living in this town. I have met some great people, I love my apartment and I do like my job (most of the time), but my personal life here stinks. It's a vicious cycle of this town not having what I want, which puts me in a bad/depressed attitude, which makes me not want to work harder at making the best of this place.

I have recently had discussions with a couple of my best girlfriends here in Savannah and all 3 of us dislike living here. We all agree that there is a curse or some kind of oppressive atmosphere over this town. I thought it was just me, but when I mentioned it to them, they thought they were the only people thinking that, too! We all feel like we have become depressed ever since we have moved here. It's very odd.

This was a long blogging gap! Let's see what you have missed....oh, so my favorite coworker, the one who was running the other half of the library, quit. Her old job wooed her back -- and she would have been insane not to take the job. So I am temporarily running the whole library again, for no extra pay. My temporary boss did just get me a nice raise, though -- 4%. We usually only get 3%, so I appreciate that. We've also had another person quit (I'm telling you, it's like rats fleeing a flood around here), so now we have 4 vacancies to hire for. If I leave, too, that will be 5. And no one will be running the library. I do feel a little guilty about that....with all the craziness and absurdity of my job, I do like it. No job is perfect. But if only this job were somewhere else! There is nothing my current employer can do to make me love Savannah. It's a great place to visit, but not to live.

I counted up the # of people who have quit/been fired from the library since I started here 2 and a half years ago: 16. That is a LOT of turnover, especially when the staff is only about 20 people total. Luckily, many of the ineffective and bad employees are gone (save one, although if all goes well today, he will be getting fired this afternoon, after 6 YEARS of his antics). So if I already don't like living here, and no one else is staying, why should I stay? I have had 4 awesome awesome coworkers over the years here, and all 4 of them have quit. Honestly, I hate working here without them. That more than anything else has affected my morale. And The Czarina reminded me -- I have been trying to find a job in Richmond since I got back from Hong Kong. That was over a year ago. It's time to move on.

In other news, I took down my profile on eHarmony -- I am trying to leave this town, so dating now doesn't really factor into my plan. I may pick it up when/if I get to Richmond, although I don't think I will do eHarmony again -- they don't let you browse! Kind of frustrating. You have to wait for them to send you people.

Do you remember me talking about Miss Perfect who lives upstairs from me? She suddenly stopped talking to me. It happened after I told her I am a Christian. I think that made her uncomfortable. She asked me a bunch of questions about it and I told her that in the past I had claimed to be a Christian but was not really walking the walk. I told her how I am living my life now as opposed to a few years ago (or even a few months ago!) and I think she felt I was judging her or something. Which I'm not! I'm actually kind of envious of her ability to have guys sleep over....and not go to church....*sigh* Anyway, it did hurt my feelings, but at the same time, I didn't really see her becoming my best friend or anything, so I suppose it's for the best. She reminded me a little too much of my old roommate (the one who was bi-polar and would go on spending sprees even though she was broke). I thought we could at least hang out together, but I guess she doesn't agree. Oh well. I am taking it as another sign that it's time for me to move on.

The Ex-Fiance still lives here in Savannah. He still hangs out with all my friends, which is fine. It used to piss me off but I have gotten over it. He and I have just been avoiding each other. But he randomly messaged me on Facebook a few weeks ago and apologized for avoiding me and making things weird. I really appreciated that. So we have chatted a little via Facebook/text message, and I think we're cool now. It's all water under the bridge. He was dating a girl for a little while, and that made me happy for him, even though it didn't work out. He's even watching Sammy for me while I'm in Virginia later this week.

It was a long, boring summer for me, mostly because I was broke as a joke. My tenant (remember, I own a house in Columbia, SC) moved out in early May and I had no tenant....all summer....I just now have someone in there, which is awesome because I was dipping into savings to pay for rent AND mortgage all summer. Ouch! I literally bought nothing but groceries all summer long. No shopping, no vacations.

Now for the exciting part of this post! This post's title is a play on the state song of Virginia....which I am using because later this week, I have a job interview. I am pretty excited about it! It's a very well known art museum, and it would be an amazing place to work. I have been visiting that museum since I was a kid.

If I get it, it will be much less responsibility. I would miss being a supervisor, but I also think that I'm really burned out on my current job, and would welcome a slower pace so I can focus on my personal life more. It has really taken a back seat ever since I got here to Savannah. I am a little concerned, career-wise, about potentially going down the ladder, but if my personal life is more fulfilling, I may not care. And you never know -- moving up can happen anytime.

Another way this job would potentially affect my career is that it would be a 2nd art librarian job in a row. By focusing my career on such a tiny field (there are only about 300-400 art librarians in the U.S.), I am slightly worried that I may be putting myself in a box, essentially type casting myself. But this kind of organization would probably be easy to grow in (I read one of their annual reports and it says they are expecting a lot of people to retire over the next few years). And again, if I like my job, that won't matter!

The daughter of one of my mom's friends works there now and she said everyone there is very smart and super nice -- what more can you ask for in coworkers?? This museum has really become an icon of the city, and its success can only be due to the amazing employees there, so I would love to be a part of that!

The biggest boon would be, of course, moving to Richmond. I absolutely love Richmond and have always wanted to live there. I'd be close to my family and I know Richmond has all the stuff I am looking for in a city (I have been researching! I learned my lesson about moving here -- I did no research and just went with my emotional response to Savannah-- huge mistake.). One of the first red flags I got when I moved to Savannah was that no one here is from Savannah. That means they all get out ASAP. Richmond is not like that at all. You can't shake a stick without hitting a Richmond native -- I take that as a really good sign. I can see this being my -- gasp! -- last move.

I am trying not to count my chickens before they hatch or be overly confident about this, but I have a decent shot at getting this job. If you read the description of the requirements, I have every single one of them...plus extras. I would be taking a small pay cut, but nothing drastic. And again, if my personal life improves, it will be worth it.

The Czarina is, of course, ecstatic. She wants to have all of her "chickens" (that's what she calls all of her children) back in the roost, so to speak. I miss home, too. Now that my brother Fat Dog is married (yay! They ended up eloping to Hawaii and we are all very happy!) and my little sister Smurf is in college, I really want to be around family more. Even though The Czarina drives me nuts, I still love her.

The cherry on this little sundae I am whipping up is that The Czarina owns a condo right down the street from the museum -- a nice condo. That she will rent to me. And then I can walk to work and live in a super awesome neighborhood. WOOT!

So I'll be flying up for my interview on Wednesday. The interview is on Thursday morning. Wish me luck!

Oh, and if anyone has advice/good stories to share about moving down the ladder or taking jobs to enable you to focus on your personal life more, I would love to hear about it! Was it worth it? Do you have any regrets? Have you found it difficult to move back up the ladder later? The Czarina did it once and she (to this day) doesn't regret it. Although that might be because when she did it, she moved to Washington DC and met my dad. Of course it's easy for her to say she didn't regret it!

The 5 Ps

2011-07-11T07:58:00.006-04:00

Wow, I haven't posted in a while. Let me see if I can sum up stuff:

Parenting -- The Czarina, a good friend of the family and my favorite aunt came down to visit me a few weeks ago. There was much shopping and laughing and dating advice (directed at me, of course). They all harped on me for being too picky and judgmental and for writing off guys before I even meet them. I countered with the fact that I refuse to settle and vow to keep my standards high. Therefore, no, I am not interested in flirting with guys who I can tell are not smart. I am tired of meeting cute guys who have nothing between their ears. I want someone who can stimulate me intellectually. They were baffled by this and can't believe I am not flirting like crazy with the hot (and yes, ok, they are hot) firemen across the street. But show me the fireman who can talk about politics, philosophy or anthropology! They don't exist! As soon as I make out with one, and my hormones get all stimulated, I will begin justifying all their flaws and end up in a dead end relationship. My mother and aunt disagreed completely and told me I was being judgmental. Am I? Probably. So I promised them I would try and be more open-minded.

Pressure -- We had a big re-org at work about 2 weeks ago. It was pretty crazy. The Gorilla got fired (thank goodness -- he was so toxic!). I know it sounds like I am taking pleasure from another's misfortune, and well, ok, I guess I am a little. Wrong, I know. But mostly, I am just relieved, as I'm sure he is. He was such a bad fit and he was miserable. So, this was really better for everyone. We also had to lay off one girl, which was NOT part of the original plan. We felt really badly about it. Now New Girl (my other half at work -- seriously, I love this girl) and I are working with a skeleton crew. It's going to be bumpy and stressful for a bit, but I think we will get there. There are a few people who now have totally new jobs and have to be trained from scratch -- so it's a little wonky at the moment. Luckily, there was minimal drama and most people are happy or they at least understand why we did what we did. Some people even got promotions, so that is good. Man, I am glad that is over. It was all I thought about for 2 months.

Peppy -- I have 2 new neighbors. One I will call Peppy. She lives across the hall from me and even though my coworkers call me Susie Sunshine, even I can barely handle this girl's too-happy and perky personality. She minors in performing arts, so she sings all the time. While she is a talented singer, it's kind of annoying. I sing when I'm alone, too, but quietly. This girl belts it out. And it's usually show tunes or cheesy romantic songs. Argh. As if this wasn't bad enough, she found a dog on the side of the road, and I'm worried she is going to keep it. This dog barks. And barks and barks and barks. Then it whines and whines and whines. Any time Peppy is not home or asleep, let the barking and whining begin. Kind of annoying. For some unexplainable reason, she thinks I am interested in being friends. Which is fine. But she found me on Facebook and friended me. What the heck?! I can't deny the request -- I will see her soon enough. I hate being pressured into being FB friends. (That goes for you, too, you weird cousin of mine!!!) Sorry, I have a weird cousin. I try to deny the friendship requests, but they keep coming. Luckily, he lives in South America, so it's a lot easier to deny him....sorry, now I am off-topic.

Miss Perfect -- I have another new neighbor who lives upstairs. I will call her Miss Perfect. Obviously, she is not perfect, but I certainly can't see any flaws: she looks like a supermodel (she doesn't even need to wear makeup, y'all, it's kind of sick), she's really in shape (triathalons are her main hobby -- what?!), her apartment is gorgeous (makes mine look like a dorm room) and she's smart (she has a PhD in Psychology). She has no debt, other than her car. Yeah. Oh, and did I mention that she is incredibly nice, friendly and has a fun personality? And that she thinks I am cool? Yeah. This girl is unreal. To make her even more awesome, she is my age AND single. Yeah. Believe it or not, this chick is single. Don't get me wrong, she has already met someone after living here for only 3 weeks. But she's not that into him. Something she can totally afford to do.

In short, she's the girl I hate to love. I hate her. But I can't, 'cause she's really nice and cool. So I have to admit that I like her. Even though I feel like I have just been slimed by the Envy Monster. *sigh* And my feelings of inadequacy are causing me to wonder why she wants to hang out with me. Because she's new in town and doesn't know anyone? Probably. I predict I will be friend-dumped as soon as she finds someone more worthy to hang out with. Wow, I am cynical today, aren't I?

My first inclination that she and I come from two different worlds was when I confessed to her that I have put on a lot of weight in the last few years, but that I was trying to make some changes and get back in shape (I first met her as I was coming back inside from a run). "Oh, I know what you mean. I am in love with junk food, too. Last week, I ate an ENTIRE watermelon. And that's basically just sugar." I was totally speechless. How many calories are in an entire watermelon? Like, 100? I decided to stay mum about my ability to eat two candy bars in one sitting, as I proved to myself a week ago. Wow. Talk about feeling like a loser. Who is this girl???

I'm trying to use her as inspiration. You see, she is super optimistic about her love life -- something that is very refreshing to my pessimistic, cynical view of the opposite sex. She is not giving up, but trying harder. She's one of those super goal-oriented people. And I have to admit, it's kind of awesome. "Ok, your goal is to get a date for this coming weekend," she said to me yesterday over coffee. "Um, yeah! Ok!" I replied, while thinking, "Yeah, right, lady. I'm overweight and my self-esteem isn't the greatest. I have essentially resigned myself to living alone for ever and wouldn't be able to attract Weird Al Yankovic right now." But somehow, she talked me into signing up for eHarmony. And I'm super broke right now (long story). But I did it anyway. This girl is not taking no for an answer. She wore me down. She's right. I can't give up. I have to keep trying.

Positive Attitude -- So, if nothing else, Miss Perfect is giving me a swift kick in my ass. Which is probably exactly what I need. Here's to hoping that some of her perfection and optimism rubs off on me. Let the games begin!

Getting Maui-d

2011-05-28T19:25:00.003-04:00

Did I tell you my brother, Fat Dog, popped the question to his long-time girlfriend? Yup. On top of the Hoover Dam. He's an engineer, so I'm sure to him, this was a very romantic spot. He lucked out, because she said yes. We all adore her and so we are all very happy and excited.

For months, the happy couple has been trying to get the basics of their wedding plans established. Get married in Virginia Beach, where they both live? Get married in my hometown, which is super cheap? Get married this year or next year? They have been very indecisive. I'm sure The Czarina, starving for grandchildren, didn't help matters. She must have really ramped up the pressure when we all found out that the fiance is not 2 years older than him, like we had all thought, but TEN. (We never asked how old she was -- she looks fantastic for her age!)

Yesterday, Fat Dog called me to announce they have decided to have a destination wedding in 4 months. In Maui.

Most people would shout, "Hooray! Maui, here we come!" But there are some difficulties with this plan. In no particular order:

1. The Czarina does not fly. Period.
2. The Czarina, who is chipping in some money towards the wedding, is also paying for Smurf's college tuition right now. So she doesn't exactly have buckets of money laying around.
3. Based on my calculations, it will cost me something like $2,000 to attend this wedding. That will wipe out my savings, eat up the bonus I am going to get....I can go, but it will hurt. A lot.
4. My other two brothers live paycheck to paycheck, so they won't be able to go.
5. Smurf will be in the middle of Fall semester of her sophomore year, so she may not be able to go. Also, The Czarina would have to pay for her to go, too.
6. Banana, my older sister, is currently vacationing in Morocco, so she probably won't have any money left when she gets back.

"So, out of all the people you have called so far, how many said they can go?" I asked him.

"Um, none, actually," he replied.

"Are you prepared to have no guests at your wedding?" I asked.

Silence on his end. I wonder if he realizes that this may mean he gets few wedding gifts, but decide to keep that thought to myself.

"Look," he said, "this is what we are doing. We hope you guys can make it, cuz we would really like you to be there."

*sigh*

This particular sibling of mine is unique in our family in so many ways: he's good at math, he got Grandma's weird feet, he is stubborn to the point of absurdity and he has champagne tastes -- only the best for Fat Dog!

I can just about guess what happened. Fat Dog got sick of all the indecision, ran out of patience and decided that this is what they are doing, no matter the cost, logistics or inconvenience. I know how he operates. I'm sure his fiance is trying to get him to slow down and think about this some, and he is having none of it. (I wish I could say he is the only one in the family who is impatient, but unfortunately, yours truly has the patience of a toddler.)

The part that irritates me the most? His argument that this is cheaper than getting married in our hometown! "You can't get married for less than $10,000. You just can't," he said. Um, I am pretty sure you can. I actually just attended a wedding a few weeks ago that was very small, very fun and very inexpensive. But you see, Fat Dog has a tendency to require only the BEST in everything. Don't get me wrong, it's great to have standards, but a touch of reality is good, too. See, he knows he can get married for less than $10k. He just doesn't want to, because it won't be all fancy and impressive. If he can't have a Top Shelf wedding, he will just basically not have one at all -- which is pretty much what this is. It's just a glorified elopement. But since it's an elopement in Maui, it will still impress.

"So let me get this straight. You guys live at one beach, but you're going to fly aaaaall the way across the country to get married at another beach?" I asked.

"It's Maui," he replied. Touche.

"And how is this cheaper than getting married in our hometown?" I asked.

He was getting frustrated with me now. "Gah! Look, the only weekend we could get married in Farmville is at the end of May, and that's when the Heart of Virginia Festival is happening."

(Trying to get married in our hometown during Heart of Virginia would be daunting, I will agree. It's pretty much the busiest weekend of the year for our 3 little hotels in Farmville.)

"The Heart of Virginia Festival is in May. You just said this would be in September," I pointed out.

"We don't even live there!" he replied.

"Nor do you live in Maui," I observed.

Silence. Touche, brother dear! This was kinda fun! I was enjoying poking holes in all his arguments. I am such a mean older sister, aren't I? But this is what he gets for having such a selfish wedding plan, after we were all looking forward to this wedding.

"So why do you think it will save you money to do it this way?" I continued.

"Because if we get married in Virginia Beach or in Farmville, we will have to invite all these people. You know how it goes -- if you invite this person, then you have to invite that person, too. Soon, your guest list is out of control. We are just inviting family. No one else," he explained.

"Yeah, I know that can happen easily with guest lists," I admitted. That's why you cap it off, make some tough decisions and deal with it, I thought. I imagined the unruly guest list like an untamed Mustang, bucking my brother off its back. How absurd. Who is in charge here, you or your guest list? I thought.

I almost pointed out to him that if you don't have any guests at your wedding, you also don't have any wedding gifts. Wonder if Mr. Top Shelf has realized this.

"Can't you just get married in Farmville or Virginia Beach and then have your honeymoon in Maui?" I pleaded.

"No, cuz that will cost even more money!" he said.

He also argued that they are saving up for a big house, since they are planning to have kids. Is it just me, or should you have the kids first before doing that?? He owns a 2 bedroom condo already. I love that taking a trip to Maui is part of the plan to save money for this house. Is he serious? I can hear Dave Ramsey screaming now.

I got off the phone with him and called The Czarina.

"Are you upset about all of this?" I asked her.

My mother, in true emotionally-repressed, German-American fashion, replied, "I'm not upset. I'm just not going."

Oh boy. She was super pissed. I wondered if she hung up on him, but decided it would be best not to ask.

Upon discovering that she and I both thought he was crazy, and for the same reasons, she told me I shouldn't have said all the stuff I said. (I was supposed to repress it all, like she did!) She made me call him back and apologize. So I did. She was right -- it's his wedding. We should be supportive. We need to be happy that we love his fiance so much.

I'm trying to have a better attitude about this, but I am still kinda pissed. I think he's being really selfish and shallow. Just because he can't have a big Hollywood wedding (like he surely feels he deserves) he will just not have one at all. He's making the wedding all about him, when I think it should involve our families, too. (Maybe I am just crazy, but I thought I was welcoming a new member into our family!) After all, out of the last 4 times my entire family has gotten together, 3 of those times were for funerals. I was kind of looking forward to getting together with my family for a happy occasion for once.

The Czarina thinks they will still change their minds and I shouldn't get too upset. She will probably try and talk some sense into him after she calms down a little. (She would never admit it, but I'm pretty sure she is furious.)

I almost just wish they had run off to Vegas or City Hall and just not told anyone. Then we wouldn't all have to decide if we want to spend all this money -- it would already be a done deal.

I love my brother, but he sure can be a pain in the neck.

D-Day

2011-05-22T19:54:00.008-04:00

The school where I work is no different than many other organizations around the country right now in that we are also feeling the financial pinch from our depressed economy. Layoffs have been happening periodically for months now. Why the administration has decided to drag it out and shroud it all in mystery is beyond me, and I am too far down the totem pole to change any of it. One of the ongoing frustrations with these layoffs and all the restructuring around here is that our HR department wields an immense amount of power. Rather than serving as advisers to our ideas and reacting to our needs, they control who stays, who goes, who gets what job and what pay. These decisions are made independently of anyone else, from what I have witnessed. All employees are at the mercy of the whims of HR, which makes them not only an intimidating presence on campus, but also a frustratingly clueless and cowardly one. This is wholly different than any HR department I have ever worked with in any other job. This is a school that is run by an HR department. Which makes no sense, really, if you think about it.

About 2 weeks ago, I met with my temporary dean (you may recall that my former dean quit a couple months back to be closer to her son in Atlanta) to discuss ongoing issues with The Gorilla, my professionally inept and socially sub-normal coworker. Due to my interim status as one of his supervisors, I have been lucky enough to get going on a mission to rid the staff of his presence, which has proven to be quite a morale-lowering experience. Part of this mission involved working with New Girl (the Gorilla's immediate and unfortunate supervisor) to reorganize the reporting structure at the library. According to our plan, we have determined a way to eliminate his position and shift others around to better suit the needs of the library. We even found ways to eliminate most of our part-time positions, which are currently held by students (who could easily find other jobs in restaurants or what have you). She and I were very proud of ourselves and brought this new idea to our temporary dean. She also seemed to really like it, as she has agreed with us from day one the The Gorilla has got to go. She said she would talk to HR about this plan and get back to us. She seemed confident that this would be a great plan and HR would go for it.

So when I went into her office, after she called a meeting with me to discuss things related to HR issues, I have to admit, I was kind of excited. After almost a year of The Gorilla, she was finally going to inform me with some pleasurable news of his impending departure. "The good news is," she started, "we are eliminating his position on June 6th." I silently turned several mental cartwheels, and had a quick parade in my brain, complete with confetti and handfuls of candy being thrown to little children, before snapping back to reality. The good news is? Oh no. That means....there is....oh no.

"The bad news is, they are eliminating your interim position, and so in this new plan..." she pulled out a new reporting structure tree for me to view. "You will go back to your old position. There won't be anyone in charge of the library until you get a new dean."

Seriously? This is so lame. I worked my butt off for this promotion! And now you are taking it away??

I asked if I had done something wrong or if I was not doing a good job (this was a rhetorical question, because I have actually been given a lot of positive feedback from both below and above me). She said no, not at all. She gave me some b.s. explanation which really doesn't add up. You see, our school has several campuses. Each campus has a Head Librarian for that campus. That is the promotion I received (temporarily). The Head Librarians are supervised by a dean, who oversees big picture planning and advocates for all of the libraries to upper administration. Since all deans are located in Savannah, their argument is that when we get a new dean, they can be both the Head Librarian and the dean for all campuses. Not only is this not what a dean does (at any school), it is too much for one person to manage. My former dean should know, because she had to do it for a year or so.

So much for their promise to me that my promotion was only interim because they didn't want to make any major personnel changes until we get a new dean. I am not quite sure how I feel about continuing to work for a place that breaks its word to its employees.

The problem with this plan is that we don't have a new dean yet. Nor will we have one any time soon, if they keep bringing in the same awful candidates they have been parading around for the last 3 months. So on June 6th (D-Day, ironically enough), no one will be in charge of my campus's library. There will be a group of department heads, who I assume will have to meet all the time to make decisions. (There are actually a plethora of logistical problems with this plan, and I won't bore you with details. Trust me, this is not going to be a smooth operation -- I am not just saying this because it is my promotion that is being eliminated. This is simply a stupid idea, put together by people who obviously have no idea how a library, let alone our library, works.)

Unfortunately for me and my coworkers, this was not the only change to the reporting structure. I was not the only person getting screwed over. New Girl would be losing The Gorilla, which was great. But she would be gaining the supervision for THREE other departments. Yes, I said three. I would like to mention that she was hired to be a one-person department and not supervise anyone. So this was most definitely not what she moved across the country for. I would also like to add that she does not have the experience or knowledge to supervise some of these departments very well. (Don't get me wrong, she is a rockstar librarian, but there are some library jobs that require an extremely specialized set of skills, and if you don't have them, you may as well be a baseball player trying to conduct an orchestra -- no offense to baseball players.) And it's not just that. The job she was hired for is plenty for one person to do, and she is doing it so well, and now she won't have time to do it very much. This will affect all of us.

Before all of this happened, we actually needed to hire 3 more librarians to be fully staffed. With their new structure, we will actually have 3 fewer librarians. We are essentially down 6 people. The whole library just got screwed. They can give me all their b.s. explanations, but I know it's really because of money and a lack of any attempt to understand how libraries work or what we need. With their new plan (which was nothing like the one New Girl and I created), they don't have to fill any of our vacancies except the dean's. They are combining and squishing so many things around, the currently vacant positions are going to be absorbed by others. They are going to be paying New Girl more, but at what cost? I will probably not be so lucky. I will get a bonus for the few months that I was in my promoted status, so that is cool. My office will also be free of The Gorilla, which is even better, actually.

This has felt comparable to grief for me. First, there was shock. They're not really doing this. That is crazy! They were just kicking this around as an idea. Then, sadness. Getting rid of The Gorilla is great, but this is going to lower our morale even more. I really like my new job, and I am going to miss it. The next day, I was seething with anger. They broke their promise to me! They took something away from me that I worked really hard for! And I'm good at it! They have no idea what they are doing and don't seem to care how this affects others! Late last week, I reached the negotiation stage. I can convince them that this won't work. I just have to prove it! But after my request to meet with my temporary dean was not acknowledged, reality set in. This is going to happen whether I like it or not. Nothing I can do or say will change it.

The thing that makes me the saddest is that now, there is nowhere for me to move up here. There is no Head Librarian position anymore. They are requiring the new dean to have a PhD (which is absurd, because very VERY few library deans have PhDs -- only library deans at major universities have them, and most of the other deans and faculty at this school do not have PhDs-- some don't even have masters degrees.) I am stuck being the head of my department. That's it. That's the end of the line for me. This school doesn't seem to care if I would like to advance my career here or if I get burned out. That is what upsets me about this the most. I think I could really make great things happen here. So do my coworkers. So do faculty I have talked to. But HR and upper administration don't seem to value that. They just want me to go back to being in charge of the busiest department in the library, where I will get burned out quickly. This promotion was really the only thing keeping me here. I have no choice but to begin looking for a new job elsewhere.

New Girl and I have been talking to and emailing our old boss about all of this. She is furious with our HR department and cannot believe what they are doing to us. She thinks they have wanted to do something like this for a long time and are taking advantage of us because we don't have a leader right now. We have no one to defend us to HR or upper administration.

Only one thing can save me. My old boss. The dean who left. She hates her new job and wants to come back and be our dean again. She even wrote a letter to our president to make her intentions formal and clear. The President and the other higher ups adore my old boss, and would like her to come back. But there are some negotiations they will have to work out. My old boss wants to stay in Atlanta. They will want her here in Savannah. Right now, they told her that if they don't find a new dean in the next couple of months, they will have her come back. If she gets to come back, but gets to stay in Atlanta, she will immediately advocate for me to get my promotion back -- permanently. Actually, knowing how much she likes me, she will advocate for me to get it back no matter where she is.

I wonder if I will still be here then.

Now Accepting Applications

2011-03-19T20:19:00.004-04:00

WANTED: 100% single women, between 25-35 years of age, who live in Savannah, GA and are interested in participating in PG-13 level shenanigans with woman of similar mindset. Shenanigans may include, but are not limited to: laughing, dancing, happy hours, flirting with cute boys, making out with cute boys, shopping, brunch/coffee dates, talking on the phone, watching reruns of Sex and the City, getting pedicures. Hipsters and goody-two shoes need not apply. Preference given to former sorority girls who have experience in the aforementioned shenanigans.

Here it is, another Saturday night, and I am alone. Is it just me, or is making friends way more difficult after college? I think I have blogged about this before...I'll try and keep this brief.

St. Patty's Day is in full swing, and the city is crawling with fun, young people, and I am dying to be one of them. I want to laugh and flirt and dance...but instead, my only choices are to watch tv with my dog or be the weird girl who is out at a bar by herself. Stone cold sober, I might add, which makes fitting into the debauchery that much more difficult. (If anyone has mastered the art of going out alone, please teach me your ways!)

I believe there are 2 main contributing factors to my problem.

1. I keep moving around too much. It takes time to make good friends, and my favorite party buds are all in Columbia, SC right now. (They couldn't make it down here for St. Patty's Day)

2. I have not been making as much of an effort to make friends here in Savannah as I probably should. Don't get me wrong -- I love my coworkers and I love my Bible Study friends. But neither group is into doing what I'm into doing at the moment. I am not a hipster (like all my coworkers) and I definitely do not want a family-friendly, G-rated evening (like my Bible Study friends). I am envisioning a slightly tamer version of the frat parties I attended while in college. Where do sorority girls go when they grow up??? Oh yeah, they get married. Right. I sorta skipped that part. Note to self: get married so you don't care about frat parties any more.

I cannot be the last single, 30 year old (ok, ok, 32 year old) non-hipster in this town (seriously, y'all, Savannah is Hipster Central) who wants to snog with cute boys in dark corners and dance to hip hop songs with her girlfriends.

I'm too fratty for the hipsters and too bad girl for the BS crowd. Sometimes I feel like I live a double life. I can't really be myself around any of my friends.

*sigh*

I know there are girls out there like me. I just can't find them! Argh. So frustrating. To make matters worse, my own mother has a booming social life -- AND a boyfriend. Something about that doesn't seem quite right. She's always been super duper social butterfly, and I have always considered myself one to a lesser extent. Put me in a room full of talking people and I can hold my own -- even inter-generationally. For me, the hard part is finding the room. I know what to do when I get there!

Guys have it so much easier when it comes to this problem. "So, how do you like them Yankees?" is all they seem to need to become instant buds with someone. Girls aren't as open. I wish we would stop acting like that. Would it kill women to be a little bit friendlier? In this day and age, we need girlfriends more than ever. Why not invite the girl who complimented your shoes to sit with your friends at the bar? Why not introduce your group to the group next to you? Isn't it a "the more, the merrier" situation? What's with all the snarkiness and competition? That's got to be my least favorite thing about my gender. Why can't we just be cool and friendly? I should wear a shirt that says, "Trust me, I don't want your man. I just want to have brunch with you so we can recount the previous night's girly debauchery."

I'm kind of worried that I may have a touch of my dad's personality when it comes to friends. We used to tease him, because if you were to stick all of his friends into a room, it would be a random assortment of people -- very few of them would have anything in common. Luckily for him, he was much more comfortable being a loner than I am. Plus, it's hard to feel lonely when you have a wife and 7 kids. My dad would have a deep connection with each one of his friends, but only in one way. That's kind of how I am -- I have one friend for X, another friend for Y, a third friend for Z. I wish I could find a friend that covers the whole alphabet! Where are the Samantha, Charlotte and Mirandas to my Carrie? (Not that I'm a Carrie...I'm probably closer to Charlotte, actually.) My mom's friends are all whole-alphabet friends and they've known each other for like, 40 years-- ever since high school/college. This is incredible to me. I don't even talk to my college friends anymore, let alone high school. Then again, they are all in Chicago and married with babies, so really, what do we have in common? I feel I'm a completely different person now than I was then.

Anyway, no point in moping around about this. I need a plan of action. Time to join some clubs or start new activities. Or at least go to restaurants/bars I don't normally go to. And I have to force myself to talk to people with out fear -- otherwise, I will go into shy, silent mode. No one wants to hang out with Silent Girl. (This is one of the reasons why I always feel so comfortable around funny people -- they totally break the ice for me.)

Oh well. At least I won't get barfed on or have to deal with annoying drunk people tonight. And I won't wake up smelling like cigarettes. That makes me feel better.

Man, what I wouldn't give for one last frat party right now....and a wholly single (no hubby, no fiance, not even a boyfriend) non-hipster, non-Bible Study gal pal to go with!

Until then, I'll be singing along to this...which makes me giggle, so that helps!

Thanks for listening to my whining, as usual. I'll try not to be Pity Party Girl next time.

Cougars -- RAWRRRR!!!

2011-03-14T13:42:00.006-04:00

So far, I am really liking my new position at work. I get to tackle problems I've always wanted to work on, help my coworkers do better at their jobs and learn how to manage people better. It's been great so far, and I'm getting a lot of positive feedback.

I'm just not getting any money for it. *grumble*

What they are going to do is give me a bonus when I'm no longer in this interim position. If the new Big Boss decides to officially give me my title, they will give me the bonus and also up my pay. If the new Big Boss decides to not give me the title, I will go back to my previous position and just get a bonus. Then I will immediately look for a new job, because hello! That's a pretty clear message. But I think I will hopefully get it. *knocks on wood* I'm not too upset about this situation, because I'm doing this more for the experience than the pay. I need this promotion on my resume.

I don't know when Big Boss's position will get filled, though. They are bringing in candidates left and right, but all we get to do is give them a tour -- we are not involved in the interview process. I am not a fan of this system, but it's out of my control. The odd thing is, our HR person randomly emailed one of my staff and asked them to sit in on one of the interviews (not all of them, just one of the interviews. As she is really new, this is really odd to both of us. She's trying to encourage HR to ask me to do it instead, as I'm the more logical person to be there (not to toot my own horn, but I am).

And I can't outright fire The Gorilla, but I can assure you I am all up in his beeswax! He was demoted and is now under the new girl, and he keeps telling her that he hates his job and "can't take it anymore" and is looking for a new job. HR told us that the next time he says it, we can consider it his verbal resignation and they will back us on it!

Alright, enough about work. Let's talk about something more fun...like my dating life. No, really, I honestly have an update! It turns out I am not dead! I had a blind date about a week ago. First date in a year and a half. WOOT! Backstory: I have a friend whose mission in life is to get me a man. I do not argue with this. She randomly calls me with potential guys in mind, and our conversations go like this:

Fixer-Upper: Hey, VB, what's your age limit on older m--
Me: None. Don't care.
Fixer-Upper: You're sure? Cuz he's--
Me: Don't care. Give him my number.
Fixer-Upper: Ok, cool! I'll tell him to call you.

I did veto a date with at 22 year old, mostly because that honestly just feels illegal. But I did say yes to one of her ideas, and so I messaged him on facebook. (You should be clapping right now, because I do NOT NOT NOT make first moves. But Fixer-Upper is the type of person who would nag me incessantly if I didn't do something to meet this guy, so I did it to get her off my back.)

Long story short, I was on a blind date the next night. Here are the stats: 26, tall, cute, works 3 jobs (one of which is being a fireman -- hawt), has a dog, former military guy (for some reason, military guys are always into me. Not sure why.), is a Christian....so all in all, a good package. Also, he doesn't drink, which is a nice change of pace. I was more hung up on the age thing than he was. I have never dated someone this much younger than me. He was just starting middle school when I was in the 12th grade. It's kind of weird. Honestly, I would feel more comfortable with someone who has more life experience than me. Call me old-fashioned. He's very sweet, and we had good conversations and a decent amount of stuff in common, but I also kinda wish he was a little funnier and more cerebral. (WHERE are all the smart, funny, well-educated men in this world????) But he's a good person and cute enough to make out with, so I would probably give him another shot.

Although he told our mutual friend that he's into me, he hasn't called me. Fixer-Upper wants me to call him, but I refuse. I set up the first date. If he wants to see me again, he knows where to find me. *dusts off hands*

Meanwhile, St. Patty's Day is right around the corner. I don't know if I've mentioned it before, or if any of you have heard, but we have a MASSIVE St. Patty's Day festival here every year. It's the 2nd biggest east of the Mississippi. This is the day that the rest of Savannah's year pivots around. We even have a big countdown clock for it. (I highly recommend it, btw, because you can walk around with open containers here in Savannah and we have a ton of bars! You're all invited!)

The cool thing is, this year, for the first time, I live on the parade route!!! Although the parade starts at 10am, everyone starts drinking earlier than that. So I'm having all my friends over for snacks and parade-watching and beer drinking. I can't wait! Then, I'm going to another friend's house for a dinner-time cookout. Then I'll hit the bars -- hello, cute vacationing single men!!!! Just so you know, I am Irish!!!!

Speaking of cute, single vacationing men and St. Patty's Day, I texted New Year's Eve Guy to invite him to visit for St. Patty's Day. I figured, what do I have to lose, right? I thought he would not be into this idea or (worse) completely ignore my text, but that didn't happen. He said he can't go because he's attending another event this week, but he's definitely got Savannah on his wish list. Yes, he used the word "definitely". And I'm clinging to it!

I know I don't know him very well, but somehow, this guy totally got under my skin. Go ahead, laugh at me and my long-shot crushes. But there's just something about him that I am SO into. Probably because he's one of the funniest and most fun people I've ever met. *sigh* He's younger than me, too, although not by much. Did I mention he's super fun to make out with? *swoon*

Am I a cougar? Or some other feline species? Someone needs to set up an official, tiered system for cougars, snow leopards, cheetahs, et al. so I know what to call myself. This sounds like a job for Mystery.

In other cougar news, (yes, dear readers, there is more!) I was hanging out with my dad's ex-wife this past week (long story). She's 70 and looking for a place to retire. She wants to live in one of those all-inclusive resorts that have tennis, swimming, etc. She was telling me all about these complexes, and then she happened to mention that these retirement communities have major HIV epidemics in them!!!

Excuse me?

Well, it turns out that many of them are widowed, bored, popping Viagra like it's going out of style, not in the habit of using condoms, and so when you combine all of that together, you get...well, HIV problems. I didn't believe it until I did some research. Huh. Who knew.

I'm not one to end on a depressing note (I mean, who likes to think about Grandma humping her way through retirement? Not me, and I don't even have a grandma!) so I will leave you with one of my favorite MadTV clips. Lorraine was one of the first (and best!) cougars of all:

Movin' On Up

2011-02-25T17:50:00.002-05:00

Hey Y'all --

Ok, it's gorgeous outside and I really want to go for a run before it gets too dark, but I had to post super quick. Updates:

1. Yes, I got the promotion!!!! YAY!!! Go me!!! I have worked my butt off for the last 2 years, and it's so nice to get recognized. I am technically "Interim", but I think it's because the school is broke and they don't want to have to pay me -- yes, I am still awaiting word on my compensation. But I will be compensated. Now that my Big Boss is gone (her last day was Wednesday), I am * gulp * in charge. So now I supervise like...20 people. This should be interesting.

2. Magically, my free internet is back!!!! This is soooo awesome, cuz I gotta pay my taxes.

3. Bought a new mattress today. I feel like a grown-up. I got a good deal and waited for a good sale and comparison shopped. I know new mattresses are not very exciting, but I have not been sleeping well for a while and considering my mattress is over 10 years old, I'm pretty sure that is playing a role. For some reason, mattress shopping was an intimidating process for me.

4. Mattress shopping got WAY more interesting today when I walked into the mattress store and was helped by a SUPER hot guy. Swoon! He could have sold me anything. I was a goner. But I stuck to my budget, so that's good. I should have asked if he was included in the price. Tee hee! Note to self: work on flirting skills.

5. Sunday is my birthday! YAY! I am turning *ahem* 22. Ok, not really. But just pretend that I am. I took today off to run errands (and buy mattresses from hot guys). Tomorrow I am going to an oyster roast and a baby shower, and the heading up to Columbia to party w/MJ for my Birthfest (as we like to call it). Hopefully, this will involve smooches with hotties. But I am mostly looking forward to MJ time -- we have lots to catch up on. She and I will go shopping on Sunday, and then my new mattress arrives on Monday morning.

So far, 2011 rocks. I can't wait to see more!!!!

Commitment

2011-02-05T12:43:00.003-05:00

Y'all, I have had a terrible cold since Sunday. I feel much better today, but still have the remnants of a terrible TERRIBLE cough. The dry, itchy kind. Deep down in my lungs. This morning I awoke with very swollen glands under my jaw -- I know this is pretty typical after a cold, but it's freaking me out. I've never seen them this swollen before. If it's not better by Monday, I'm going to the doctor. Anyone know how to drain lymph nodes?

In more exciting news, I learned yesterday that my brother, Fat Dog, popped the question to his girlfriend of 3 years!!!! My whole family is in a tizzy, because we ADORE his girlfriend and we've been nagging him to marry this girl for at least a year. When I saw them at Christmas, I asked Fat Dog what he got her for Christmas. He said that he had to go to a conference in Las Vegas in February, and that he was taking her with him. "Wow, that took a lot of effort, you dumb jerk. Why don't you take the money you spend on her plane ticket and put it towards a ring, you idiot?" I thought. I didn't have to ask The Czarina if she felt the same way -- I could tell by the look on her face.

Little did we know, he had a grand master plan to take her on a tour of the Hoover Dam while they were there, and pop the question there! Yay!!! They are flying back from Vegas today, and I'm sure The Czarina will descend on them with all sorts of questions and ideas. I am so so SO excited and happy for them. I have spent the last 24 hours talking to various family members and we're all super happy. She is such a great girl, and they are so perfect together! In fact, I like her so much that I don't even mind that my younger brother is getting married before me. :)

I have some updates about the job here at work that I applied for a few weeks ago. Big Boss called me into her office the other day and gave me the scoop. She told me that she thinks I am the best candidate (SWEET!). But then she said, "I also have to tell you something that may change your mind about taking this position."

Oh boy. Now what?

"I am resigning," she said. "My last day will be February 23rd. So you may not want to take this position on, knowing that you won't have a supervisor to help you. I can give you a couple of days to think about this, but I will need to know your answer by Friday."

Big Boss then explained to me why she's resigning -- she got a divorce about a year or so ago, and now her son lives in Atlanta, and she wants to be closer to him, so she accepted a job at a school close to there.

"Can't you just keep your position and work from the Atlanta campus?" I asked.

"I asked, but since Savannah is our main campus, they need me here. Also, my ex's house is so far away from the Atlanta campus, I'd be commuting constantly and wouldn't see my son much more than I am now."

I could tell by the look on her face that this was a difficult decision she had made and was truly only doing it because she felt she had to. "I think you're making the right decision," I told her. "I need some time to think about this, but I can let you know on Friday how I feel about it."

My head spun with all kinds of questions -- how could I learn an entire new position in 3 weeks? Would I be expected to take on some of her duties, too, after she leaves, since I'd essentially be in charge of the library at the main campus? What if we don't get a new Big Boss for months? Since Big Boss's boss is retiring in the next few months, what happens then? How can I supervise The Gorilla without any help?

After thinking about it for the rest of the day, I began to realize some things:
1. It's going to be crazy for me whether Big Boss is here or not.
2. If I don't take this promotion, that puts all of us at risk for getting not just one bad boss, but two. Not to toot my own horn, but my coworkers (most of them) really like me, and I'd feel better knowing that I am at least 2nd in command around here. Also, if I take myself out of the running for this promotion, there will literally be no leader here when Big Boss leaves. That is not good -- several departments, about 20 or so people, with no supervisor??
3. I can handle it. I can work with the woman who has the similar position at our Atlanta campus. She and I have a good working relationship, and she can help me learn the ropes.

The next day, I went back into Big Boss's office and said, "I'm in. I still want it. I just have some questions..." She seemed relieved. We talked a little bit about how this will all go down, but we couldn't get too deep into anything because we both had a bunch of stuff to do, and we should really wait until I officially get the position. So she met with her boss and told him she wants me to get the job, and he agreed. It's been moved on to finalization by HR, so I am awaiting to hear from them.

Meanwhile, the days are ticking by and Big Boss and I haven't really met much -- which concerns me. I need training, I have lots of questions, we need to plan some stuff....luckily, she will be remaining on as a "consultant" until we fill her position. This is great, because it means I can still email and call her when I need help. She's been busy informing people across campus about her departure, dealing with The Gorilla and working on various big picture things (our budgets for next year were recently due, for example).

Big Boss is great, but she tends to have a one-track-mind. Right now, she is consumed with the news that The Woman Who Hates Everyone (WWHE) is going to be next on the list of layoffs around the school. I haven't mentioned WWHE much, because I basically avoid her. She's essentially the library's secretary, and she's pretty much evil incarnate. She is an angry, vindictive, sneaky, deceitful person. She should have been fired years ago, and for a million different reasons over the last couple of decades, but has always managed to weasel her way out of it via different legal strategies (our school is paranoid of lawsuits, and will do anything to avoid them). But apparently, her name is on the layoff list, so Big Boss is on the verge of a major celebration, as am I, because this would mean I would never have to supervise WWHE! As an extra added bonus, WWHE is the person who has been coaching The Gorilla, so if she's gone, he will not be able to work the system very well. The timing is great.

So slowly but surely, it looks like I will be getting this promotion. Hopefully soon I will know. A lot of my coworkers are really anxious about Big Boss's departure, because we have got to have someone steering this ship! Only a few people know that I applied for this job. I'm starting to get impatient, I have to admit. As tempting as it is, I am not going to put effort into a job I don't have yet -- especially before talking about what kind of a raise I will get!

I'm ready to commit to new responsibilities, to take on new challenges and run with them. I feel like a thoroughbred, in the gate, giddy as I wait for the pistol shot that tells me it's time to go.

Forks in the Road

2011-01-15T16:33:00.004-05:00

Lately, everywhere I turn, I am faced with choices. Not just chocolate-or-vanilla choices. These are big, life-changing choices. I pride myself on being a decisive person (sometimes, too decisive...), but this sudden deluge is making me ponder my life on a grand scale.

My previous supervisor quit last September, which totally stunk. We all miss him. His position is still vacant, and I am qualified for it. He has been encouraging me to apply and has seemed disappointed that I haven't done so. After kicking this idea around for months, I just applied for it. Before doing so, I spoke with Big Boss about it, and she really liked the idea, especially since she was just told there's no money in the budget for her to fly potential candidates in for an interview. She also told me that she is really needing to fill it soon. I told her my concern with applying was that I'd be supervising The Gorilla (my awful, awful coworker). She told me that she had already been thinking about how to restructure the staff so a different person would supervise him -- this is a relief to me, but it means the new girl (who we all adore) would end up supervising him. This makes me feel like an asshole. How can I do that to someone? Big Boss said she had been planning on making this change before I talked to her, but I would still feel like a jerk. Then again, this new girl is probably the only one of us who doesn't have bad blood with him and the personality to handle him.

Big Boss said that if they don't let her actually hire someone (remember, we are still in financial cutbacks here at the moment), she may put me in it temporarily, which is fine -- it's still something I can put on my resume, and I can still ask for some extra money. I'm secretly crossing my fingers that the higher ups will tell her she's got to eliminate some positions, and then we can just get rid of The Gorilla!

Obviously, she cannot guarantee that I'll get it (I know she likes 2 other applicants who have applied), but based on her reaction to my interest (excited and relieved), I feel I stand a good chance. If I do get to cross this bridge, I would like to talk to Big Boss about creating some sort of hybrid thing for me until my position could be filled. I don't want to leave my staff hanging. We can barely function with 3 full time people. What would my staff think? It would mean a LOT more work for them if my position goes vacant, even for a couple of months.

So I am a little conflicted about my decision. I went ahead and did it because this step up the ladder would open up new positions for me for the rest of my career -- after a position like this, I could run any library, more or less. I am getting a little burned out in my current post, too. I'm ready for more responsibility and new duties. And just because I move up here at this school doesn't mean that I can't still look for jobs in Virginia. Might as well make some extra bucks while I'm figuring out how to get out of this town. So, I went for it. We'll see.

Of course, the next day, I found a super-awesome job at a museum in Richmond. I am fairly qualified for it, and I'm going to apply for that, too. I guess when it rains, it pours!

There are also some big choices in my dating life (er, lack thereof!). I don't talk about it much on here, but I am growing more religious as I get older. Maybe it's maturity or life experience, but I have come to find that prayer and attending church has added so much richness to my life. I recently started attending a church I really like, and I've been meeting with a Bible Study group for almost a year now. I absolutely love my Bible Study friends. It is the most supportive and wise group of girls I have ever met.

Last time we met, my Bible Study group talked about dating, sex and marriage -- and how to do these things in a Christian way. Our group is made up of single, dating and married women -- so there are lots of perspectives. One of the things that all the (happily, I might add) married women said was that none of them had sex with their husbands before marriage. Even if they weren't virgins when they met their hubbies, they did not have sex with them until their Honeymoon. Some of them didn't even kiss!!!

This is a completely foreign concept to me. I happily turned my V-card in about 10 years ago, and have never looked back. I don't regret it. I look forward to the next time I get to partake (in case you didn't realize that after reading about NYE Guy!). This is pretty much in direct conflict with how I'm supposed to be living. I haven't figured out how to reconcile "Being a Christian Girl" with "Major Enjoyment of Lotsa Sex with Non-Husbands" yet. But you know, we're all works in progress.

These married friends of mine all said that in addition to strengthening their faith, that this enabled their relationships to strengthen -- for the right reasons. They really got to know each other and their relationships had better priorities. While I totally see this, and can see how removing sex would enable you to really get to know someone better before marriage, I am just not sure if I could actually do it. I mean, I realize that I should probably *ahem* wait longer to jump in the sack with new guys, but the thought of ZERO sex(or even a little messin' around!) makes my face go pale and my stomach queasy. I'm not one of those people who thinks you have to sleep with someone before you marry them -- I'm one of those people who just REALLY likes sex. It's like someone is telling me to enjoy summer...without flipflops, ice cream or the beach. It sorta takes out some of the best parts about having a boyfriend! I guess I don't think it's that big of a deal to get my freak on and enjoy it. I'm sure if I was still a virgin, I'd think differently. But I know what I'd be missing out on.

But this strategy worked for them. Perhaps they are on to something. If I do abstain completely *gulp* with someone I'd really like to get to know, I'm sorry to say it would be for practical/secular reasons, rather than religious. I definitely agree it would force you to get to know that person very well. If I met someone who I could take seriously, I will try to wait as long as possible. But what about those guys you don't want to marry? I meet them a lot. Can't I have some fun?

And maybe it's just a coincidence that these girls didn't do it with their now-hubbies, which resulted in a marriage proposal. There are tons of couples out there who are happily married and boinked plenty of times before walking down the aisle. Right? I mean, looking back on it, all the sex (and it was good!) didn't stop me and Ex-Fiancee from getting to know each other/deciding if we were a good fit outside of the bedroom. The good sex didn't save our relationship.

I know this is a bridge I can cross when I get to it, but I've been thinking about it a lot. Then again, I think about boinking a lot in general. LOL Maybe it's good that I don't have a boyfriend or dating life right now. I gotta figure out some stuff.

Bringing Sexy Back

2011-01-09T22:23:00.004-05:00

Happy New Year!!!! I am so glad it's 2011. I don't know if it's because of my determination to get back to the old me or if it's because of my fabulous New Year's weekend, but I am so happy and optimistic about everything right now. I know this will be a great year. I can just feel it!!! Warm fuzzies, everyone. I am Suzie Effing Sunshine right now!!!!!!

Sorry, I will take it down a notch.

But I have super awesome news!!!! And I need your help.

You see, there is (drumroll, please) Boy News. And true to form, I either messed up or I just completely do not understand the opposite sex. Still. * sigh * I know. But where would this blog be, if it weren't for my dating/hook-up antics?

New Year's Eve was just going to be another VB-sits-on-her-couch type of weekend, until I began to miss MJ and remembered that Mr. Bill was having a party. And what is New Year's for if not hanging out with old friends? So I told them I would come up. MJ informs me that Rocky (a member of The Rat Pack, if you remember those posts -- if you don't know what I am talking about, you should search for these posts in my archives) was coming to SC for New Year's Eve.

And he was bringing a buddy of his.

"Anyone I know?" I asked, ever-so-innocently.

"Nope, this one's a new one," she said.

Hmmm. He will probably be cute. Or at least fun. Definitely worthy of leg-shaving, I thought, as I packed a "boobie shirt" to wear when we went out for New Year's. [Side note: does anyone else call them "boobie shirts"? Or is it just me?]

Rocky's friends are always cute and fun. I was starting to get a little excited about this. So I went to bed kind of excited for my short drive the next day.

I arrived in Columbia just in time for a late lunch with MJ, Rocky and his friend, who I will dub NYE Guy. NYE Guy was cute, and extremely funny, as I soon found out. Later, I would discover that he is also kind of geeky (he likes to go to museums!) -- <3 Swoon <3

I started to get that feeling that it was going to be a great weekend. WOOT!

After eating, we went back to MJ's house and hung out for a bit before getting ready for Mr. Bill's party. I put on my boobie shirt and slapped on some extra eyeliner and heels. What? What was that? I felt kinda....hot. What a great feeling. It had been so long since I've felt that way. This feeling could best be described as the boring, depressed iceberg version of VB melting back into happy and exciting VB.

I was bringing sexy back.

So we head to Mr. Bill's. It was really great to see him, as well as a couple other people I knew. My only regret is that I didn't get a chance to talk to Mr. Bill as much as I wanted. So Mr. Bill, if you're reading this -- hi!!!! I spent most of my time at the party laughing with MJ, Rocky and NYE Guy, as well as a girl I will call "Other MJ" and her hilarious best friend who I will call Vietnam. We were our usual perverted selves, and there was a joke about empty beer bottles which even I cannot repeat. Hilarity and antics ensued, in other words.

Soon, it was almost time for the ball to drop. Rocky began asking everyone who they are kissing at midnight. I was sitting next to NYE Guy and when Rocky asked him, he turns to me and informs me that he wanted to kiss me. I giggled like a 12 year old. And so he did. And it was great.

Not long after, we all took the party to Art Bar, a fun bar in downtown Columbia. There was a masquerade theme happening there, so we had fun with all the masks laying around. NYE Guy and I kept sneaking away to dark corners to make out. Yay! So far, 2011 was rocking.

Fast forward to 4am, when I am still awake (!) and still in a good mood (!). But all good things must come to an end, and it was time to go home. So I drove MJ, Rocky, NYE Guy and Vietnam back to MJ's house. Shortly after that, NYE Guy and I are continuing our make-out session, and it was so much fun! He is so fun....sorry, I can't go into details.....no way to explain without being overly descriptive....ah, memories....where was I? Oh yes, so we didn't do anything R-rated or anything, but that was mostly due to the fact that it was 5am and we were exhausted! After messing around for a bit, he realized that we could just continue this the next night -- hooray for 3 day weekends!!! So we fell asleep....

...and picked up right where we left off in the morning when we woke up!

...but still did not *ahem* complete the transaction, if you get my drift. No worries. There was still another night to go! Yes. Best weekend ever.

He and I got up (at 1pm)and joined the others for food and then all 4 of us went to a museum. After that, we ate and then went back to MJ's to watch some movies. Soon, it was time for bed (YAY!) because the guys had to drive back to NYC the next day. I don't think I have ever been so excited to put on my jammies ever in my whole life. Especially with the hope that they would soon be removed by this yummy beefcake funny guy. So I get into bed while he's brushing his teeth. He climbs in and....

wants to spoon.

W.

T.

F.

Ok, fine, I can meet him halfway, I thought. I nestled in closer to him. Nothing. I made a little moan. Nada. Time for something a little more obvious, I thought. I grabbed his hand and put it on my boob. "Awesome," he said.

And then he promptly fell asleep.

Ok, yes, I know he was probably tired, but so was I. And since when do guys pick sleep over sex? This was so lame. When he started snoring in my ear, I gave up and fell asleep.

The guys left very early the next morning, so I went back to bed after saying goodbye in my sleepy haze. No smooching, even. This is so lame, I thought as I fell asleep.

When I got up, MJ and I decided to get breakfast and get a pedicure to debrief on the night. When I told her about my end of things, she tried her best to help me figure out a reason for my rejection, but we are both at a loss as to why he just wanted to spoon the 2nd night.

By the end of the day, he had friended me on facebook. 3 days later, I messaged him to thank him for posting all the great photos he took from that night. He replied right away and told me that he doesn't like messaging on FB and that I should text him. Cool! I thought. Maybe there is more?

I didn't have time to text him then, so I texted him the next night. I wish I could say that we had a super hawt flirty conversation, but no. We ended up talking about the weather. Why would you ask a girl to text you, only to talk about the weather??? Plus, it was one of those conversations where I felt like I was interviewing him. Hello! Conversations require questions from both parties! It's called "getting to know someone". So I took this to mean that he didn't want to get to know me. He's just not that into me. I get it. Fine. Closure. Done.

But then he texted me last night! To talk about beer! Who is this guy??? Argh!

Please feel free to weigh in with your opinions, because I am thinking of re-naming this guy Mr. Mixed Signals. I invited him and Rocky down here for St. Patty's Day. I guess we will see if they come down. Do you think he likes me but he's just bad at flirting? Should I be more obvious w/flirty texts??? Who am I kidding. This is classic Just Not That Into Me.

It's good that I am blogging right now, because it is preventing me from messaging him on FB. Must. Fight. Temptation. MJ thinks I am reacting like this because I haven't met anyone in a long time and I'm just overreacting. I don't know. All I know is that I was not done making out with him!!!! And he makes me laugh. A lot. *sigh*

Alright, here's the part that is (almost as) cool. Ever since our little make-out sesh, I have felt like sex on a stick. I think I just needed some validation or to break the ice or something. I feel like I have come back to life! I am happy, I feel like a hot babe, I suddenly have all this confidence. It's wonderful! I should be slutty more often. ;)

Which brings me to my New Year's Resolution:
The be sexier.....and slightly sluttier.

This is the BEST resolution ever. Because it's a way more fun way to diet and exercise. I have managed to fool my brain into thinking this is fun. I am fully embracing the Hot Girl Lifestyle. And it's so much fun! I went for a run yesterday -- over a mile! And it was great! My whole goal is to never be home -- Hot Girls are out busy doing stuff and meeting people. Oh crap. Hot Girls also go to bed by this time of night....unless they are making out. I should go, y'all.

2011 is gonna be a great year. I can feel it.

The Gorilla Chronicles

2010-12-20T13:39:00.004-05:00

I know it is the holidays, and I should be posting nice, warm-fuzzy posts, full of holiday cheer and goodwill towards men.

But I hate one of my coworkers.

And I have to vent about him before I can get back to my warm fuzzy place. Luckily for you, dear readers, I am pretty much exhausted from talking about him, thinking about him, venting about him and stressing out about him. So I will give you the short version of what I will call The Gorilla Chronicles.

Last June, we hired this guy. He's the supervisor for another department at the library. This department works pretty closely with my department, so it's only natural for us to share an office (there are few private offices in my building). I prepared for his arrival by stocking up his desk with some office supplies, giving him a copy of a training manual I made for my department and emailing him stuff I thought he might be interested in knowing. I assumed that since he was new not only to our school, but also to Savannah, he would have TONS of questions to ask me. I mean, isn't that what people do when they are new at a job? They ask a bunch of questions. Since I answer questions for a living, this is fine with me. I am happy to help.

Only, he didn't ask questions. And when our boss and our colleagues tried to explain to him why we do certain things a certain way, they were all ignored. When S, the woman who was temporarily running his department before he arrived gave him advice, it was ignored.

So this guy was basically learning nothing about his new job. When he did ask questions, he never understood people's explanations, so the other person had to explain themselves over and over and over. It's extremely frustrating. It was like he wasn't even listening. So even when he does want to know something, it's an uphill battle to explain it to him. But usually he operates in this vicious cycle: he doesn't ask questions --> he doesn't know anything --> this doesn't stop him from barking orders at people to do things that make no sense --> he is totally opposed from receiving input from others. Sounds fun, huh? Yeah, the last 6 months at work have sucked.

To boot, he snubbed his nose at us whenever we invited him out to baseball games (most of us attend the local baseball games here in town about 3 x per summer), happy hours, lunches, etc. We realize that socializing with your coworkers is not a requirement of your job, but is it too much to ask that you at least say good morning to people? Or tell your staff that you're leaving for the evening? It's like he didn't want to talk to ANYONE. He literally does not talk to me. Do you know how awkward it is to sit 6 feet away from someone, 40 hours a week, and never acknowledge their existence?

For a while, we thought he was just kind of weird. Ok, so he's not social. Whatever. But then, he started to make all these changes in his department. His ideas stink on ice, to put it bluntly. They were confusing to his staff, not communicated well and seemed to be fixing things that weren't broken. Whenever his staff asked a question about it, because like I said, these ideas were not communicated clearly, he would tell them that they are not supposed to ask questions, but instead are supposed to just do what he says -- he's the supervisor. He is one of those macho guys who drinks protein shakes and works out for 2 hours every day. He props his feet up on his desk when he's on the phone, he wears tight t-shirts to work to show off his muscles and he drives a BMW. This attitude, combined with his persona, is why we call him The Gorilla.

I could write a post just about the super mean things he has done to one girl in his department, including threatening her, making sexist comments/implications, and telling her to follow rules that he breaks on a regular basis! And she's supposed to shut up and do what he says!

Well, I can tell you that this is NOT how we roll at our library. One of the things I like about my job is that it's super team-oriented and very collaborative. Everyone's input is valued and shared and discussed. He wants to operate like a dictator over his staff. This is so foreign, I cannot even tell you. I know you may be thinking that perhaps we were a little bossy towards him or something, or telling him what to do, but that was not it at all. We have been giving him heads up about things which affect his department, and described successful ways to deal with these situations, and he just ignores us. Everything we have done has been as a gesture of helping him. But he doesn't think anyone can tell him anything. He thinks he knows everything.

The worst part about it is, our boss, who could have gotten him all straightened out, quit while I was in Hong Kong. This leaves Big Boss to supervise him, and she is super busy and travels a lot. It's not her fault, but he is just not being supervised well right now. Meanwhile, his ideas are getting worse, he refuses to listen to anyone and has started to get into arguments with people, including me.

But I am not the only one. There are no fewer than 5 people that have complained about him to Big Boss. He will "forget" to attend meetings, avoid responsibility for things which fall under his authority, not uphold his end of bargains, do something directly opposite of what Big Boss tells him, show up an hour late, take 2 hour lunch breaks, etc. Every once in a while, he will ask a question, and it's something he should have learned MONTHS ago. Or he'll ask a question, and it's totally lame. Basically, he sucks. He's incompetent. And he's not even nice to people!

One day, I was working at my desk when he blurted out to another coworker an idea that was so ridiculously stupid, I turned around and said, "Dude, I hear you. That is a problem, but doing what you're thinking of doing is probably a bad idea, and I can tell you why." So I tried to explain to him why it was such a bad idea, and since he's either stupid or refuses to listen, it became a very frustrating conversation on my end -- he just wasn't getting what I was saying, and I had to keep repeating myself. Apparently, at some point in the conversation, although I do not remember saying it, I called him "stupid" or an "idiot". I do not remember saying this at all, although I will admit to thinking it a lot!!! (I am not excusing my behavior -- I was unprofessional and shouldn't have said whatever I said.)

The next thing I know, I have to have a meeting with HR and Big Boss about all of this. I told them that I may have said it, because I was very frustrated at the time, but I do not remember saying the exact phrase he was claiming. In fact, I think what I may have said is that the IDEA was stupid. (Yes, I realize that neither comment is professional or appropriate, but they mean different things!) I was kind of pissed that rather than talking to me about all of this, he went to HR, and was now making a big deal out of nothing. I realized during this meeting that The Gorilla was not playing, and I needed to protect myself. So I sang like a canary and told them all stuff he had done. My Big Boss, who was there, was shocked and had no idea all of this stuff had been going on. She also talked to the girl on his staff I mentioned a minute ago -- she sang like a canary, too. But Big Boss was still thinking it may just be a personality conflict and that he just needed more training. We were worried that she wasn't taking us seriously, and that she was on his side.

Then, all hell broke loose on the last day of classes before Thanksgiving. As this is the day that all the students are done with classes and exams, we get a T-O-N of books returned at the desk. We literally have thousands returned in the matter of one day. So we have always used this great organization system to manage it all so we don't end up with giant piles of books on the floor. This system works great, and so ahead of time, my coworker S told him all about it. She said, "Hey, this is the system I came up with, and it works really great. You may want to put it in place before the last day of classes, or you can do your own thing, too, if you want." (By this point in time, she had already been told, like I had, to mind her own business and keep her nose out of his department, so she just wanted to offer it as an option to him. Besides, Big Boss had told her to mentor him until the end of the year, so she was doing as she was instructed.)

True to form, he ignored her. Then, he was not even at work on this super busy day (it is the busiest day of the whole year for his department!). So all hell is breaking loose while he is gone, because he told his staff to NOT use the system that worked. They were supposed to use this other system that he created (which was not really anything at all). S happens to walk by the desk and sees his staff (who are also her friends, btw) struggling to keep up with all the books. She asks them what the plan is for dealing w/all of this, and no one says anything. One person asked if they could set up the usual system. S asked everyone, "Do you want to use the regular system?" and everyone nodded. So they did it, and everything began to get organized and the staff wasn't so stressed out. Yay!

The next day, when The Gorilla came into work, and saw that the old system was set up, he took it all down, ripping the organization signs down, and demanded answers from his staff as to who had set up the old system. Once he found out, he emailed S a very nasty email, claiming she was undermining his authority and lowering the morale of his staff. This email made S cry, it was so mean spirited. S did not reply to it, because honestly, it didn't deserve a response. It was totally out of line, unprofessional and disrespectful. S just told Big Boss that she wanted to talk to her about it, and forwarded the email to Big Boss.

Big Boss told her that The Gorilla had already forwarded a copy to her. Yes, you read that correctly, The Gorilla sent a copy of his nasty email to Big Boss voluntarily. That is how much he thinks he is right! He can't even recognize when he's being a jerk! He thought that email was totally appropriate!

This event, combined with stuff that he has done to Big Boss (oh yes, this guy has some serious cojones!!!), has definitely turned the tables on him. S and I had to meet again with HR about our "conflicts" because basically, The Gorilla wanted us to apologize to him. He wanted accountability. Whatever. I apologized for what I said, as I should have. I don't have a problem with that. But even though the HR lady was trying to explain to him how inappropriate his email was, he still didn't get it. During this meeting with HR, I found out that The Gorilla has been talking to HR for WEEKS saying who knows what about all of us. I know that some of the stuff he's said is flat-out not true, because we had to correct the HR lady at the meeting. I think that he's got a lawyer and is being coached on how to sue for hostile work environment or something. His last job was at a law firm, so we are thinking he has a buddy who is coaching him. This guy is super dangerous. That's why even though he has not acknowledged my existence, I am ok with that, because I don't want to give him any more ammo!

Anyway, this guy is ridiculous, and I really hope his arguments don't hold up, because I am so tired of dealing with him. We all are. Luckily, Big Boss totally sees our side (now that she has been a victim, too!) now and I am pretty sure she is ready to give him the old heave ho. His arguments really don't carry much weight. I guess we will have to see how it turns out.

Whew! Sorry, I tried to make it short. I'm going home to Virginia tomorrow. If I don't get a chance to blog while I'm there, I hope everyone reading this has a VERY Merry Christmas!!!!

Sunny...with a Chance of Rain

2010-12-04T23:25:00.003-05:00

Sorry about the woe-is-me post, there, guys. I was getting the last little bits of my down mood out of me. I have been making a bigger effort to get out of the house and meet people and be busier, because that always puts me in a better mood. I have had a great week, actually. I think my prayers have finally been answered. I feel more optimistic and happy than I have in a long time.

Well, except for one thing.

Just as the proverbial sun has come out, along comes a little black rain cloud: they have started to have layoffs at the school where I work. I am pretty sure I am safe, along with at least most of my immediate coworkers. But it's a little tense right now. Upper administration isn't providing much information, so the rumor mill is going bonkers -- 100 people are getting laid off, one of our campuses is closing, bosses are forced to justify who they can keep... -- it's nuts. The only things I know for sure:

* 2 people have been laid off (but I'm pretty sure there are more)
* lots of people, from all kinds of departments, have to take2 weeks or a month's furlough
*most of the non-essential buildings around campus are closed (as in, no power or water) for the month

What makes me nervous is that we are getting no information, and since there's a school policy that prohibits us from talking to the media, there is nowhere for me to get info, other than the rumor mill. I am also concerned about the fact that they never offered to freeze/cut pay as a way to prevent layoffs -- does that mean we are past that as an option? I don't like that they have shut down power/water to most of the buildings on campus. That sounds really extreme and last-resort-y to me. I did some rough number crunching about how much $ this would save to shut down most of the buildings on campus for one month (long story as to how I have numbers to use!) -- it's about $350k. If they need more than that, exactly how bad is it?

Is this just round one? Is there more to come? Has the president cut her own salary and bonus? Who knows?! But I have my suspicions that things have been bad for a while and they just haven't told us. Our Hong Kong campus is not taking off like we thought it would. Anytime you start something like a new campus, you have to expect that it will be a little slow to get off the ground -- we were entering a new market, for Pete's sake. But I think they thought it would be gang busters, and they have been struggling since day one. Everyone knows it. I'm pretty sure they are WAY over budget and I get the feeling they didn't do their homework when they hatched this idea. One of the Admissions girls in Hong Kong told me that everyone assumed there would be all these mainland China people who would enroll, but they had just found out that anyone who wants to attend school in Hong Kong must wait a year before they can go -- there's some bureaucratic law/immigration rule that requires students to wait one year before going to Hong Kong. Which set us back in admissions BIG time. Then there were a few signs last spring that something was rotten in Denmark. But no one thought anything of it. Now it's adding up, at least in my head. I work at an expensive, private school. I guess the economy finally caught up to us. Why go to our school for $27k per year, when you can go to a state school for less?

For several reasons, the library should be mostly, if not entirely, unscathed in this. Which means we will all have survivor's guilt. Can you imagine losing your job 3 weeks before Christmas? I know one of the people who was laid off -- she's a mom with a son in college. That sucks. Just in case, I am definitely going to be trimming back on things. Luckily, I have a lot of vacation time saved up, so if there's a 2 week furlough, it shouldn't affect me. Guess it pays to never take days off! I have also saved some money -- enough to pay my bills for a month if I have to deal with a worst-case scenario.

I called my mom today to tell her about all this. She says that worst-case scenario, I break my lease, pack all my stuff, and move in with her. There are actually a couple of jobs open in my hometown right now in libraries there. Then she told me there is no point in worrying about it, because I can't do anything about decisions made above my head. Which is true.

The thing is with layoffs and financial troubles, it works like an onion -- you peel off layers until you have the core you need just to stay operating on a skeleton crew. And right now, I don't know what layers are being peeled off and I certainly don't know which layer I am in. I am pretty sure I am in a better state than the guy who shares my office. Boy, is he a piece of work! I need to post about him -- you guys would NOT believe how awful he is. I'm glad my big boss likes me. Hard work always pays off. Right?

Getting You--and Me--Up to Date

2010-11-28T20:33:00.005-05:00

I know I am supposed to be writing more about Hong Kong. And I will. But today, I really need to blog about more current stuff.

Gosh, I went to Hong Kong 3 months ago. It's a good thing I took photos, because one day, my kids will hate me for never recording anything about my travels. I am so bad about that kind of stuff. If you are friends w/me on the Book of Face (aka Facebook), you can see all my Hong Kong photos there. Otherwise, just sit on your hands and try to be patient. When the mood strikes, I will talk about it.

We all know I have been a very absent blogger over the last year or so. Part of that was because of my hectic job and my exhaustion at the end of the day. Looking back on it now, it was also because I have been in a very bad place ever since I broke things off with Ex-F. Although I had come to terms with my decision, and have no regrets, I found myself unable and unwilling to bounce back from it. It affected me much more deeply than I first realized, and I didn't have much of a support network to help me work through it. The Ex-F was my support network, and let's face it-- that just wouldn't be healthy. The Czarina only felt relief and doesn't see much point in talking about things from the past. MJ is too far away and even she admits she never answers her phone. My friends here are nice enough, but not so close that I can have heart-to-hearts with them.

I am rapidly burning out at my job. I do not like living in Savannah. I have put on a little more weight (not a lot, but enough that I can't wear the pants I wore last year) and I have become a total hermit. Aside from one or two things I have going on, I spend the vast majority of my free time watching tv on my couch, alone with my dog, eating junk food. (Part of this is also due to my recent obsession with current events, so I am learning a lot -- it's not a total waste! But that is for another post.) To make a long story short, I have not been myself lately. I have been a sad shell of my formerly vibrant self. My recent lifestyle is nothing I would wish on anyone and is certainly no way for a young woman to live. I am supposed to be happy and have all these friends and be running around doing stuff. Over the last year, I have been more lonely, more hopeless and more sad than I have ever been in my whole life. But no one (except my mom and MJ) knows. But even they don't know how bad it is. I have been pretty low. Like, scary low.

That's why I haven't blogged about any of it. It would just be a giant pity party. No one wants to read Debbie Downer's blog.

I suppose a shrink would say that I am intentionally shielding myself from any chance that I will ever date again, as a way to punish myself for having broken someone's heart. Or that I am so afraid of failing and ending up alone that I would just rather not even try. At least then, if I die alone, it won't be because I effed up, but because the universe didn't come through for me. (What, you didn't know the universe is supposed to be finding me a new boyfriend? Yeah, do you see how wacked out I am on self-pity??) A physician would probably tell me to exercise and eat right, so that I would feel better, gain more self-confidence and improve my mood. The Czarina just tells me all my problems are because of my weight and if I would just lose weight all my problems would magically disappear. They are probably right. Well, I think The Czarina's logic is a little off, but she means well. She's not the most sympathetic person in the world, let's face it.

It's not like I've never been through a bad breakup before. Or been lonely. Or overweight. Or suffered from bouts of insecurity. But I've always bounced right back before. For some reason, this time it was different. I have no motivation to change, even though I am not happy where I am now. This bummed-out period has been longer. Much longer.

I don't think I am clinically depressed, but I have been hovering around it and wallowing in self-pity for over a year now. Maybe I am undiagnosed. "I have a great apartment and a great job, and that's enough," I have been lying to myself. I feel like I've been on the Negativity-go-Round for a year, and I'd like to get off. It's starting to make me wanna barf.

See how fun this is? Wheeee! I know you are so glad you stopped by.

But the good news is, I can see a light at the end of the tunnel. I think that all my praying is starting to pay off. I think I am slowly coming out of it. I have been taking long walks with Sammy, and they help to put me in a slightly better mood. I am going to try and do more fun things not involving my couch. I just found a new church to go to, so that is also a good thing. After tiring of my coworkers nagging me, I put up a profile on OK Cupid (an online dating site) -- and let me tell you, I am so NOT into it. I haven't even replied to any of the emails. I am going to attend/try/go to anything that sounds interesting or fun. Even if it costs money (one of my favorite excuses to sit on my couch!). I am going to try and meet more people. I am looking forward to having news to share with someone when they call me and want to know what's new.

I am not going out this way. This has gone on long enough.

Ok, stay tuned for more optimistic (and funnier!) posts. Maybe more frequent, too. No more Debbie Downer. She's had enough space in my brain.

Hong Kong Report #1

2010-10-17T18:45:00.004-04:00

Hi Readers! Sorry I am the worst blogger ever. This time of year is insanely busy for me (I've been working about 50 hour weeks since mid-September) and I just haven't been in a blogging mood. Don't take that personally. Anyway, I have all kinds of great Hong Kong trip photos and stories for you. To save time, I'm going to paste the emails I sent my coworkers while I was over there. But first, let's talk about the flight over there.

1. I flew from Savannah to Detroit, and barely made my international flight to Hong Kong! Running from the domestic flight area to the international flight area in the Detroit airport is not my idea of a good time. Especially when I suffer from what my mom calls "chronic train fever". I am always convinced I will miss my flight. Which, despite the logical and intellectual voices in my head, I believe is quite possibly the end of the world. (I have posted in the past about my total airport paranoia). Hey, I know no one likes a 4 hour layover, but a little more than 10 minutes would have been nice!

2. I pulled a classic inexperienced traveler mistake: I let the computer pick my seat. Which meant that my seat, for the 16+ hour flight.....was right next to the bathroom. Dumb, dumb, dumb. Can you say "total exhaustion"? Between the light in the bathroom, the smell of that blue liquid and the constant opening and shutting of the door, I didn't really sleep on the way over there. To make it even more fun, my seat was in front of the galley, so I could not recline my seat. "This is a free trip to Hong Kong. This is a free trip to Hong Kong," I kept repeating to myself, as I looked up the aisle and watched the people in first class recline on their BEDS.

My other big regret was ignoring my mother's advice to bring sleeping pills. Also dumb. I could have slept right through every disgusting meal, every swish of the toilet and all the ass-numbing boredom. Thank goodness for the individual TV screens, which give you essentially your own little mini-Netflix selection of tv shows and movies to watch on demand. HELLO this is the coolest thing ever. I watched so many movies. It really helped the time go by.

By movie #4, however, I was starting to climb the walls. You can only sit still and watch tv for so long before you need to DO something. I checked our time. Oh, great! Only 8 more hours of flight!

Crap!

It was the flight. That. Never. Ended. Seriously, y'all, the flight alone is enough to make you never want to go over there. It is interminable!!!! Plus, with all the time zone changes, I left Detroit at 1pm on Saturday, and arrived in Hong Kong at 8pm SUNDAY night. And you know what? It felt like I had been on a plane for 30+ hours.

Finally, we deplaned (very quickly, I might add. We were all ready to get the heck off that giant aluminum tube!). I went through customs (kinda scary cuz you know, they are technically Communist -- gulags! EEK!), exchanged some money, and then I went to get a cab. The first cabbie I talked to was perplexed when I showed him the address for my hotel. He didn't speak any English, so I started to get nervous -- what if he took me to Timbuktu? He showed the address to another cabbie, they chatted a bit, and then decided to swap passengers. The other guy apparently knew where my hotel was. WHEW. Upon first glance of Hong Kong, I thought: It's tall, like New York. But hilly and green like the Appalachian mountains. And all the buildings light up like Las Vegas. Cool.

I finally went to bed around 10:30pm, thinking I would have no problem sleeping until my alarm went off at 7pm. That is, until my eyes popped open at 4am. WTF??

The next morning, I was picked up at my hotel by X, the librarian we hired to run the library at our new Hong Kong campus. She's from the Beijing area, so she is bilingual and understands the culture much better than I. She can also read all the signs, which is very helpful. The problem is, she speaks Mandarin, but everyone in Hong Kong speaks Cantonese -- same written language, but pronunciation and grammar are different. I guess it's like putting someone from Southern Alabama into Long Island and expecting them to just start talking! It doesn't really work that way, apparently.

We rode the subway together (my favorite thing EVER) and went to work. I won't bore you with work details, but here's an email I sent my coworkers a couple of days later:

"I miss you guys. I am very homesick, although, I have to admit, I think it's more about missing familiar American food than anything else. It's only Wednesday, and I'm already sick of Asian food! All I want is Mexican. :P You know how some Asian restaurants in the US are kind of sketchy? That's how ALL of them are here. It is a big challenge to this picky eater. Everyone here at the [school I work for] building goes out to lunch together every day. The first day we went to an Italian restaurant, if you can believe it. I was laughing at the menu, because they served green curry. It was good food, but they used very little cheese or spices. A lot of the food is on the bland side, actually. Cantonese don't use a lot of spices in their food. Yesterday we went to a Shanghainese restaurant and it was very delicious. I took photos of all the food we got. You will be proud of me -- I ate eel! They love watermelon here, as well as those bubble teas (I haven't found one I like yet, but they are ok so far). There are 7-11s everywhere, full of weird snacks and candies and drinks. I'm having fun trying them.

If you have ever been to NYC, that is a good comparison to Hong Kong. Only the whole city is built on the side of a mountain, so there are steep hills and staircases everywhere. I have yet to see a building shorter than 7 stories. There are more skyscrapers here than anywhere else I have ever been. The weather is just like Savannah, and luckily, it hasn't rained really hard yet. Just afternoon drizzles. There are people EVERYWHERE. It's like Grand Central Station, especially at night. Lots of night owls. Which is weird, because all the stores close at 7pm. I guess they are all out eating??

Most people speak a little English, and most of the signs have both English and Cantonese here. X is frustrated because I know more Cantonese than she does! But parts of it are very similar to Mandarin, so she is getting by ok. She says hi.

I love the subway, and it's very easy to find your way around it. Public transportation is very cheap here -- I had a 45 minute taxi ride from the airport and it was less than $40! I sat next to a supermodel on the subway this morning. She had to be a supermodel -- she was over 6 ft tall and skinny and gorgeous. I wish I could play Sartorialist and take photos of the women here -- they are fantastic dressers! Very very stylish. But I haven't taken any photos because I think it may make them uncomfortable. "

Ok, y'all, I gotta run. More Hong Kong stories later!

New Place and That's Not Chicken

2010-08-10T21:49:00.010-04:00

Hello, Everyone! Sorry I've been away so long. I have moved (yes, again! Move #17 of my life!) and been busy planning for Hong Kong. Because why not move AND take a 2 week international trip right afterwards? That's not stressful at all.

I also had to order and set up my Wi Fire, this super cool gizmo that magnifies wifi signals. Since I moved right next door to one of the buildings associated with the school where I work, I needed something to help me pick up the wifi signal from next door. It was too weak to pick up with my built in wifi thingie on my laptop, so I did some research and found out about this Wi Fire thing. They sell it on Amazon for $50, and voila! Free internet, courtesy of the wifi network next door! Woo hoo!

So I have moved out of the townhouse I shared with the Ex-F. It was a big relief -- I had a lot of bad memories there, and the HOA was driving me nuts with their controlling ways. Did I tell you they wouldn't let me have a yard sale? Yeah. WTF. They said it would "inconvenience my neighbors". Whatever. I just sold everything on Craigslist. They can bite me. Since I was moving from a 3 bedroom, 1250 sq ft place into a one bedroom, 800 sq ft place, I had to do a LOT of downsizing! I ended up making almost $300. Sweet.

Now, I am back downtown, living in an old building, just like I wanted. It was built a little after the turn of the century, and I really like the details. I'm actually right across the street from work, which is pretty cool. I can take naps on my lunch break! My coworker Lunch Buddy (her nickname, since we eat lunch together every day) and I watch tv at my house while we eat our turkey sandwiches. It's pretty sweet.

I have to say, I am pretty stoked about my new place, even though I am not done unpacking or setting it up. I forgot how long it takes to cram all your stuff into a smaller place! Not only do I have a sweet location, but my building was redone very nicely, so the kitchen is great and the apartment is not grungy or weird. It even has a normal floor plan, and gorgeous hardwood floors. And lots of storage -- a rarity in downtown Savannah! And like I said, I now get free internet! I am never moving again, as long as I live in Savannah, anyway. The kitchen even has a garbage disposal and a dishwasher. I have a clawfoot tub in my bathroom which is original to the building, so it's about 80-90 years old. I even have a spot for my washer and dryer, so I have on-site laundry facilities -- another rare thing in downtown Savannah. And would you believe this place is almost $100 cheaper than my old place? So worth it. Several of my coworkers have confessed to apartment envy.

I forgot to mention one super cool thing -- according to my landlord, Shoeless Joe Jackson used to live in this building after he got out of the Major Leagues. She doesn't know which apartment, though. Cool, huh? Here are some pics.

This is the outside of my building. I'm on the bottom left. (Yay, no more stairs!)

A shot of my bedroom:

The super cool fireplace in my bedroom:

My kitchen (you can't see the fridge on the left or the sinks on the right, so just use your imagination.)

Another shot of the living room:

I have some other pics, too, but are you really interested in seeing my closets? Didn't think so. The Czarina wants me to send more pics when I am all set up, so I'll share those when I take them.

I leave for Hong Kong on Saturday for 2 weeks. I am sooooo not ready and have a to-do list that is making me panic a little. I do have the major things done -- new passport and all my shots (dude, I had to get like, 7 different shots! Whoa!) . But now I just have to do laundry, run a bunch of errands, pack....ugh. I am a little stressed. I have Friday off, which helps, and my flight doesn't leave until noon on Saturday, so that also gives me a little time.

I won't get excited until I get on the plane. Then I will be super pumped! Even though this is a work trip, I am excited to experience a different country on someone else's dime. I wish they had put me in business or first class, considering my flight from Detroit to Hong Kong is 16 hours, but whatever. I'll survive. I'm actually more worried about eating while I am there. You see, I can't use chop sticks. I love egg rolls, but they will get old after a while. I am packing plastic forks, just in case.

After wondering what Chinese people eat for breakfast, I got a DVD about Cantonese food from Netflix the other day. Excited to learn more about the world of dumplings and stir-fry, I sat on my couch to watch. The narrator started off with something along the lines of how bouts of war and famine in China throughout time forced the people to consume all their food daily because they had to remain on the move and couldn't afford to bring food along (hence the emphasis on fresh ingredients). They also had to cook their food quickly to save time (hence the invention of stir-fry) and they also had no money so they had to eat cheaply (hence all the rice).

Very nice. Making sense so far, I thought.

Next, the narrator explained that the Cantonese people sometimes had to just eat what was available to them, due to the constant upheavals which come along with war and famine. Then the narrator said something about how there's a saying about the Cantonese -- they will eat anything that flies, swims or crawls.

Oh, haha, like they would eat my dog, how stereotypical, I thought.

"Actually," the narrator continued, "In the Cantonese language, there is no word for 'inedible.'"

Um, what?

Then the narrator said, "Chapter One: Chicken."

Oh no....

And what followed after was a 20 minute expose of how they love chicken and eat every part (and I mean every part) of a chicken. WARNING: Do not eat while reading this next part.

So they eat the obvious chicken parts. But the thing that is weird is that they seem to always cook the chickens whole (well, minus the feathers, which seems to be the only part of the chicken they don't eat). So there were all these full bodied chickens being boiled in pots. Whatever, they probably buy them from farmers and chop the heads off later, right? Wrong. Sometimes, you are served a whole chicken on your plate. As in, it's looking at you. Other times, they cut the head off, but only because they are making another dish with the head parts. Like deep-fried chicken beaks, for example. Ew. I have heard of people in the South eating chicken feet, but chicken beaks?? Sounds...crunchy. I would also like to add that they make a "specialty" dish out of the chicken part which I will simply refer to as "sphincter". Yes. They deep fry those, too, and you dip them in sauce. Are you gagging yet? Because I was. It totally ruined the ice cream I was eating while watching the DVD.

So they get to the end of the chicken section, and I'm like, "WHEW! Glad that's over!" But then the narrator comes back on and says, "Chapter 2: Snake." Ooooohhh noooooooo.......

I won't even tell you what they do with snake. All I can say is thank the Lord they are shaped the way they are so I can spot them in any dishes offered to me.

I stopped the DVD after the snake chapter. Chapter 3 was "Sheep", I think. No, thanks. I'm already a picky eater, and not the world's biggest Asian food fan, so this DVD was not helping. Perhaps this trip will be a good way to kick off my diet? I probably won't have any access to Ben and Jerry's which will be a start. However, I do know that KFC is on like donkey kong over there, so I can have fried chicken (breasts! Not beaks!) if I get the hankering. One of my coworkers made me promise to try at least one weird thing while I'm over there. I agreed, but only after she said it didn't have to be snake.

Well, guys, I don't know if I will have time to blog again before I leave, but I will blog when I get back. I'm not bringing my laptop with me, because my hotel charges $15/day for internet access. Which may be worth it, but the dealbreaker was that I found out that you can't get internet on planes once you're about 100 miles away from the US coastline. Well, not on Delta flights, anyway. If I could hop online as I cross the Pacific, I would probably bring it, but that is too much hassle. Sorry, guys. I'll be bringing a little notebook with me so I can write down all the interesting/funny/weird things I experience while over there. I'll provide a full report when I get back! Until then..........joi gin (goodbye)!

Hong Kong Before Long

2010-07-07T18:29:00.005-04:00

Hello, Readers! Sorry, I didn't mean to be away that long. Well, I have some Hong Kong updates, among others.

I leave for Hong Kong on Aug. 14th and return on the 28th. I think I will be bringing my laptop with me so I can blog on location! Also so I have something to do while I am on my 15+ hour plane ride. Hooray for mah jong! :P

I just bought some books about Hong Kong culture, as well as a travel guide and a phrase book. I'm starting to get really excited! This is kind of a trip of a lifetime for me. When else would I ever go there??

Learning some Cantonese is kind of slow-going. It's such a different language than English. When I have learned European languages, it's comforting to run across the occasional word which sounds like English: buch in German is "book", in French the word for cat is "chat", etc. But Cantonese is wholly foreign. Even the sounds you make can be weird: "gwoh" and "tsi" are two examples. And the words are all choppy and short: "yan", "ying", "dowh", etc.

One of the words I am having a difficult time pronouncing correctly is for "miss", as in, "Excuse me, Miss!" Since I am learning via CDs and have nothing visual in front of me, I can't tell if this word would be spelled "soo-deh" or "soo-jeh". Another challenging word for me is the verb, "to want". I can't tell if it would be spelled "sahng" or "sahn". To make things even more complicated, intonation is very important in Cantonese. Although the verbs "can" and "eat" would essentially be spelled the same in English ("sic"), you would say one in a low tone and the other in a rising tone, kind of like you're singing them. The differences are very subtle, and I am a little concerned that I will be telling people about my abilities when I really want to tell them I am hungry. I can't think of any comparable English example to this intonation thing. In English, we usually have some sort of extra meaning or emotional emphasis at play when we change the intonation ("thing" vs. "thang" like "You go, Miss Thang!") . But in Cantonese, they could mean two completely different concepts. Yowza.

Anyway, it's really fun to learn a foreign language, even if most people there are fluent in English. I am actually more worried about my lack of chop stick skills (abysmal at best) than anything else. Perhaps I can just eat egg rolls while I'm there?

I just got most of my vaccines: Hepatitis A & B, Thyphoid, Tetanus and MMR (measles, mumps, rubella). If you're counting, that is 5 shots. And I have to go back for two more before I leave. Luckily, shots are never as bad as your imagination makes them out to be. My arms hurt a little, but otherwise it was a quick and mostly painless process. The nurse told me I would probably be tired for a couple of days, due to my immune system getting used to them. I thought, "Pshaw! I'll be fine. Shots schmots!"

Dude. She wasn't kidding. I went to bed at 8pm last night, and will probably do it again tonight! I am sooooooooooo tired! I have that same feeling you get when you are recovering from a bad cold.

In other news, I am moving soon. Yes, again. I am semi-nomadic, apparently. If you didn't know me, you'd think moving was one of my hobbies. This will be my 4th address in less than 2 years. Argh. I will be at my new place by August 1st. I am ready to leave where I am right now -- it's too big for one person and I have nothing but bad break-up memories here. It will be cathartic to get out of here. I am ready to start over in so many ways.

But here's the cool part: I will be across the street from work. And my apartment is in a neat old building. And it's affordable without being gross or run-down. It also has a dishwasher and a garbage disposal (two things difficult to find in downtown Savannah in my price range). I will be in the "safe" part of downtown, too. Hopefully, I will be taking some photos soon to share with you.

Yes, that is correct. I bought a CAMERA. So I can take PHOTOS for my BLOG. Those of you who are tired of the lack of visual aids to my stories should be pleased at this news. :)

Neih hou! Guess Where I'm Going!!

2010-06-05T10:04:00.006-04:00

Neih hou, readers!

I have recently found out I am going here soon:

Here is the apartment complex where I will probably be staying. Notice it is beachfront!

Isn't it beautiful? Can you guess where this is? Here are some hints:

I have to get my passport renewed.
I have a VERY long plane flight ahead of me.
Where I am going, there is no such thing as the 4th floor.
This city is roughly the same size as New York City.
There are over 200 islands here.
It is the world's most vertical city, with more people living and working above the 14th floor than anywhere else.
I will need to get an Octopus Card.
It is home to the world's longest rail/car suspension bridge.
I hope I will get to try wife cakes and mooncakes, which are local delicacies.
I will have to remember that giving clocks, scissors and red flowers are all considered bad gifts in their culture.
I will have to learn how to use chop sticks -- eek! I suck at chopsticks!!
I will also need to develop a taste for tea -- blech!!!
If I am offered shark fin soup, it will be rude of me to turn it down, as this delicacy is expensive and given to guests of honor.
I need to get ready for my personal space to be invaded -- they stand very close to each other over there. Luckily, they are as uncomfortable with touching as Americans are.
Feng shui is very important over there.
I should not wear blue or white, as these are considered colors of mourning.

Can anyone guess where I am going??? I am super excited, even though it will be a business trip. I might be gone as long as a month! I will be going mid- to late-August. Woo hoo!!!

Vacay Summary

2010-05-30T08:25:00.004-04:00

Greetings, Readers!

Let's see. What should I update you on? My visit with the fam went very well. My little sister, Smurf, is all grown up now. She's got quite a summer ahead of her -- she will actually be going to Belgium for 6 weeks where she will be taking some French classes. She'll be staying with my aunt, who lives there. So I am really excited for her. Then, she will come back and 10 days later, she will begin college at Sweet Briar. I can't believe how old she is! It seems like yesterday when I graduated high school, and she was just a little rug rat.

Wasn't she the cutest kid ever?? Now she's all tall and gorgeous. She's got legs up to her earlobes, eyelashes anyone would envy and she even lucked out with The Czarina's thick hair. So not fair. :)

Another thing I did when I went up there to visit the family was to get my grandmother's engagement ring. If you remember correctly, this was supposed to be my engagement ring before I broke things off with the Ex-F. At first, I didn't want it, because it was too weird, and it made me sad to think about what the ring was supposed to be. But my European Aunt (the same one who lives in Belgium) really wants me to have it, so now I am wearing it. My European Aunt never had any kids, nor did she ever get married, and since I am named after my grandmother, she has always wanted to give the ring to me. It's very old-fashioned, and it means a lot to me. My grandparents got married in 1945, and the wear on the ring just goes to show you how long they were married. By now, it's been long enough that it doesn't make me sad anymore to think about the Ex-F, so it's cool. Apparently, my grandmother had the same size fingers as I do, because it fits like a glove.

The thing that may get weird is that the Ex-F has seen the ring before, and I am worried he will recognize it if he sees it. So I have to turn it around backwards when I'm around him. (He dog sits Sammy for me during the week while I am at work). I don't plan on ever taking it off my finger -- it's just a good habit to wear it all the time so I don't ever lose it.

I guess if I ever get a new fiance, they will just have to suck it up and buy me my own ring! Seems fair to me -- two hands, two rings, right? :)

The Czarina and I also went up to Lancaster, PA to visit my other aunt (the one whose husband dropped dead of a heart attack earlier this year). We were worried about how she was doing, but were very relieved to find her in good spirits. We're very proud of her and the way she is handling this challenging time in her life. She's got a great support network up there, and she's going to be just fine. The three of us spent a few days shopping and eating delicious Italian food. (For some reason, there are several super yummy Italian places up there in the middle of Amish country!) We also went to the big Farmer's Market in downtown Lancaster -- man, was that something to see!! So much gorgeous, local produce. If I lived there, I would never buy produce at the grocery store. Some of the booths were run by Amish people, which was really neat, too. It's interesting to see a group of people who don't believe in telephones, wearing jewelry or makeup, using zippers, having electricity in their homes or driving cars -- and yet they still function with "outsiders" in almost the same way. Such an interesting lifestyle and local culture.

After visiting my aunt in PA, The Czarina and I spent a day shopping in Richmond. Man, do they have great shopping there. *sigh* I live for shopping in Richmond. It makes me want to move there so badly. I have been looking for jobs there for a while now, actually.

I flew back yesterday afternoon, and am very happy that I now have 2 days to putter around before going back to work. :)

Carry Me Back to Ol' Virginia

2010-05-20T07:47:00.002-04:00

Hey Y'all! I think that is the name of the state song of Virginia. Not sure. Anyway, just a quick post before I head to the airport. I'm on vacation until June 1st!

I'll be with my family -- Smurf is graduating high school tomorrow. After that, The Czarina and I are going up to visit my Aunt J in Pennsylvania for a few days. I heart her.

Ok, I gotta run. Sorry about the lack of posting -- not much going on lately. Although, I do have a crush..........more later. :)

Back in the Saddle

2010-04-24T16:48:00.002-04:00

I knew something was up when I began getting more emails from Ancestry.com than I did from real, actual people.

Then I started to think about the number of people I have met here in Savannah...outside of work.

Gradually, my activity on Facebook has dwindled to....well, nothing, really.

But I knew I had to do something when I found out The Czarina has more of a dating life than I do.

Yes, my own mother has something closer to a boyfriend than I do. Considering she is 63, this concerns me, and quite frankly, just seems wrong.

Time for action.

I will no longer turn down social invitations because I am tired or because I don't like staying up late. I will sleep when I'm dead. I will flirt with guys whenever possible, instead of just assuming they are not interested in me. I will get out of the house more, and exercise more. (I am thinking about getting a pair of those Reebok butt-toning shoes. Have you seen the ads? They are very convincing. I want my butt to look like the ones on the commercials.)

To see what I'm up against, let's see what I have already accomplished, and what sort of challenges I should expect.

Upside: The Ex-Fiance is moving out next weekend!! Yay!
Downside: I will not have much money left for social activities. I will have to get creative. Because I will be broke-edy broke broke. Until I get a tenant for my house in SC. Which at this rate will be in like, November.

Upside: I have been going out more lately.
Downside: It's been with a girl I will call Frenemy. We are in different departments, but the same building. She is a textbook frenemy: super fun girl, but you can only trust her as far as you can see her. Makes me a little nervous.

Upside: I have recently joined a Bible Study group. Never thought I would do that. Ever. I always thought those things were full of Bible-thumping weirdos. But it's really great. It's like free therapy. Very supportive, and I really like all the girls. I have always believed I am a Christian (er, well, attempted to be one, anyway), and now I am learning more about my faith, which is really great.
Downside: They are almost 100% married and pregnant/just had babies. Which means I know WAY more about diaper genies than is normal for someone in my stage of life. Hello? Where are the single women in this town? Besides my coworkers?

Upside: There are always lots of cool art-related events in this town. It pays to work for an art school! I am going to a photography show tonight.
Downside: Usually, the kind of guys at art-related events are at best -- not my type, and at worst -- gay. With all the married ones falling in-between. Ugh. Do I have to drive to a bigger city and be watching football to meet cute, straight, single guys? Sometimes I feel like this town is one big Greenwich Village. Full of Village People.

No offense to gay guys, but usually they don't like it when I try and make out with them.

Upside: I love my coworkers. They rock. Super fun, most of them are single, too.
Downside: Although I love hanging out w/them, sometimes it's nice not to talk about work, and I would like to get a wider group of friends here. Also, one of my coworkers (a girl I hired -- of course!) drives me INSANE. So sometimes I turn down invitations to hang out with them, just so I can avoid spending less than 40 hours with this girl. I can hardly stand to be in the same room as her. I so need to devote a whole post to her. It is long overdue.

Upside: I have also recently joined a political group. As I get older, I follow politics much more closely, and am excited to meet up with like-minded people. The next meeting is in early May. By my experience, guys do tend to like politics. This isn't the main reason I am going. I'm just mentioning this because this activity has a higher likelihood of me meeting those cute, single straight guys. That's just gravy.
Downside: Um...I don't think there is one to this. Cool.

Upside: Despite my weight gain (and lack of motivation to take it off), I must still "have it", because I recently found out through the grapevine that a friend of mine wants to hook up with me. It is always good to know I am not hideous or too old.
Downside: It is not someone I have feelings for in that way. He's a great guy, but I just don't see him like that. Also, I found out about all of this because the Ex-F told me about it -- apparently this guy asked Ex-F's permission to hook up with me. Not date me-- hook up with me. Kind of tacky. Kind of a dick move -- he and Ex-F are kinda friends. Who does that?? (I will blame his actions on the fact that he's going through a rough divorce right now.)

So now I need your help. Give me some ideas, people. How can I meet other single peeps? Preferably of the straight, single and beefy male variety? Cuz they are not hanging out at the vegan coffee shop, let me tell you. No wonder I am single. All the stuff I like to do (baking, coffee shop hanging, Target-shopping, antiquing) is stuff that a straight guy wouldn't be caught dead doing. Argh. How do people meet???

I took a walk in Forsyth Park yesterday. It's gorgeous there, and there's this big fountain where people like to get married. There was a wedding, and the happy couple was taking their post-nuptial photos as I walked by. They looked so happy and beautiful. I suppressed a twinge of envy as I noticed the groom was a lot older close up. And he had a bald spot.

Happy bride about my age = older guy w/bald spot.

Hmmm. Food for thought.

I have also considered getting on eHarmony, if only for the hilarity that is online dating. (Remember those posts, long-time readers?) I should do it, if only to make it up to all of you for my lack of posting. Ain't no post like an online dating post. Jeez, those were doozies.

I used to snicker at my college girlfriends who would talk about how they hoped to meet their future husbands while still in college. I thought they were nuts. Old-fashioned. Afraid of being independent. Why settle down when there are so many cute frat boys to make out with???

Now I'm 31 and stuck in a town full of gay dudes. I think I effed up.

Culture Vulture

2010-04-11T09:25:00.003-04:00

One of the (few) things I like about Savannah is the amazing level of cultural exploration I can enjoy here. Obviously, working for an art school makes this pretty easy. Not only am I constantly exposed to the talented students and their creative endeavors, but there are museums and galleries and performing artists which visit here and exhibit their works, sometimes in conjunction with the school, and sometimes just by coincidence. Then, of course, there are all of the beautiful old buildings-- my love of old buildings is one of the reasons I moved here. This town is so beautiful and charming, especially this time of year. I feel blessed to be surrounded by all of this. Want to see what I mean? Try searching Google Images for "savannah ga architecture".

As you can imagine, my knowledge of art and design has been on quite a steep learning curve over the past year! When I started my job, I didn't know who Jonathan Adler or Damien Hirst were. I had no idea what Mannerism is or that there is a proper way of critiquing art -- it's not just about whether or not you like it. And I didn't really understand what motion graphics even meant. (If you don't know what motion graphics are, you probably see them every day -- it's hard to watch TV without seeing words or shapes that move across your screen -- that's motion graphics, in a nutshell. Every time you watch the opening credits for a movie, you're experiencing motion graphics.)

Now, I have learned that there are some contemporary artists I actually like (I am still not much for Modern Art). I have learned that I love portrait photography and art that is a little on the creepy side. Here are some of my favorites:

Mark Ryden : really creepy paintings -- LOVE this guy! If I could afford his work, I would start a collection.
Shelby Lee Adams : takes photographs of Appalachian folk -- I highly recommend his books and the documentary -- very moving and tender look at these people who have been sidelined by society. You can probably find one of his books at your local public library.
Erick Swenson : I saw one of his shows, and really liked his sculpture, even though some of the pieces are kinda gross.
Nick Cave : (Not to be confused with the Australian singer) This guy is amazing! So vibrant, so colorful, so fun! I watched one of his performances, and it was very exciting. Sort of like dancing African muppets. Very cool!

I'm sure there are more, but I just can't think of them at the moment.

There are also some local artists/students I really like, including:
Rubi McGrory: She works in fibers and makes things like quilts and samplers, but with modern subjects. Very cool! I really like her sense of humor.
Bang-yao Liu: I don't know what this kid is majoring in, or if he's done anything else, but this video is amazing. It hit campus like a firestorm -- everyone has watched it, I'm pretty sure. Ashton Kutcher even twittered it!
Morgan Lockamy: She's a senior painting major here. I happened to be in the painting building, saw one of her paintings, fell totally in love with it, and eventually bought it! I could stare at it all day. She's amazingly talented and has a full ride scholarship to show for it. I can't find any samples of her work online, otherwise I would share.

Arg. There are so many cool artists I have been meaning to share with you. I know I am forgetting some. Oh well, I will just share later.

I did get a chance to see She & Him recently. They came to Savannah for part of our annual music festival. They were (of course) awesome. I already love Zooey Deschanel as an actress, and now I also love her as a musician.

And even though I like creepy art, I think I draw the line here.

Finally, I am sharing with you a super cool video about art.

Alright, that's all I can think of for today. I will try and remember more cool stuff to share later. Right now, I gotta go pay my taxes. So lame, I know. :P

Springing Forward?

2010-03-14T22:43:00.005-04:00

It's quarter to 11pm, and I am wide awake. Stupid daylight savings. I'm supposed to be asleep right now, so I can be bright-eyed and bushy-tailed for Monday morning at work.

The 2 hour nap I took today might also be playing a role...DANG!

No updates on my living situation. Ex-F is still out of town (and every day is bliss!), still do not have a confirmed tenant for my house in SC. Still don't know if Ex-F is really moving out or if he's just thinking about it. So since so much of it is out of my control, I have been content to not stress about it so much. Just trying to watch my pennies in case I'm in a bind.

Did I tell you I gave up candy and TV for Lent? Just candy. Not ice cream, cookies, pudding, etc. Dude! It is hard! I am majorly jonesing for Twizzlers. And those little sour watermelon slices. And don't even talk to me about Cadbury eggs. The TV thing isn't as difficult. I have allowed myself to watch DVDs and the news. Since I'm not a big movie watcher to begin with, I have immersed myself in various news programs. And now, I have turned from a casual news junkie into fairly-obsessed news junkie. I know WAY more than I ever cared to about the upcoming St. Patty's Day Festival here in Savannah and the Health Care Bill debate going on in DC. I'm kind of ready for them to just vote on it already, because I'm getting kind of bored.

Of course, the main purposes of these two Lenten abstinences (is that a word?) were to motivate me to lose weight (candy normally consists of about 1/3 of my diet) and to encourage me to read more books (don't get me wrong, I like to read, but I will always pick TV over a book, simply for its interactivity with other people, albeit indirect).

Like many of my self-improvement plans, this one has failed miserably. In lieu of candy, my ice cream intake has approximately tripled, and I am now watching TONS of news and am reading only in the last 5 minutes of my day. The news is on in the background whenever I am home. News programs totally know how to reel me in. They tease you with a really crazy story (Car Wash Owner Harassed Over 4 cent Tax Bill! Plane Lands in Middle of Highway!)...which will be on in exactly 32 minutes. ARGH! So, of course, I have to keep watching until the story I really want pops up.

Alright, y'all. I gotta go try and get to sleep. Hope everyone set their clocks and watches and checked their fire alarms.

Crap. I am still totally awake. Maybe I will see what's on the news....

All By Myself

2010-03-08T10:24:00.003-05:00

Now that you have that song stuck in your head (hate me?)...

I.

Am.

Alone.

For three weeks. And 20 minutes into it, so far, it is A-W-E-S-O-M-E. I feel like I am on vacation. Think of me how you will, but the Ex-F (that's CN to most of you) just left to go out of town for...

THREE WHOLE WEEKS. INCLUDING WEEKENDS.

And I am soooooooo happy. He has been driving me bonkers lately. You see, he's having a hard time understanding that we are no longer together. My evidence?

I received a birthday present. (a nice gesture, I will say)
I received a Christmas present. (also a nice gesture)
I received a Valentine's Day present. And card. Which ended with "Love, CN"

Think about it. When was the last time you gave your ex any or all of the above? I thought so. To make it even more awkward, his mom still says hi to me when she calls, which is (again) nice, but really not necessary. I have slowly been trying to distance myself from him. But it's not easy.

If I am making dinner, and didn't consult him or invite him, he gets angry and sulks.
If I don't welcome him home at the end of the day, he sulks.
If I say anything which implies we are no longer an item or that I am no longer in love with him, he sulks.

I am sick and tired of all the sulking. It's manipulative and irritating. Because if I don't go over to him and apologize and soothe him, he will never stop sulking. It's gone on for as long as 48 hours before I give in. UGH. And lately, I have been not making as much of an effort to de-sulk him. Because I don't effing care anymore. We are over. Sorry it ended this way, it's not like I planned it. But we are not together anymore, so stop acting like it. Build a bridge already!

Ok, now that I have exposed myself as a cruel and heartless bitch, I will go on. Venting over for the time being.

I think that little dating he did a few weeks back was just something he was trying to distract himself with. His heart wasn't really in it. Yesterday, he was acting very strangely, and after asking him a MILLION times to just tell me (because that's fun), he told me he was sad about us. I have those days, too, sometimes, so I understand. But when you have no hobbies and no friends, it's kind of hard to get out of that slump and sad mood. To get over crap times in your life, you need a support network of friends and interests. He has neither, despite my pleading with him about how much it would benefit his level of happiness.

(Y'all, I am not exaggerating -- the man really has little interest in anything outside of the NFL and watching TV, and he has never had many friends because he is both paranoid and refuses to put himself out there. Yes, these two aspects of his personality played a role in our breaking up. I got tired of always being social director.)

Ok, so I lied about the venting being over.

Last night, Ex-F announced he was going to look into moving out when he gets back from his work trip. Thank effing gawd. We have been staying here as roomies (ask me how fun that is, btw) for 6 months, and although I love saving all this money, I am about to lose my mind. Not only is it an awkward living situation, but I am on Sulk Patrol, I can't really date and I'm rapidly becoming majorly annoyed with the fact that he feels the need to hog up all the space in the refrigerator with 7 different types of drinks. And he is SO LOUD all the time. Howard Stern (which I abhor) is blared all day long at 56 decibels.

Whoa. I didn't realize how annoyed I was until I started writing this post!

Anyway, at this point, I am ok with sucking it up for a few months and paying for the rent by myself. I may not even move when the lease is up. I don't think I will be able to find anything with as much space, quiet and safety for any less. The only problem?

My tenant (in my house in SC) is moving out in 3 weeks. I currently do not have a replacement tenant. So this might get interesting, financially. Add to that, my plan B fell through -- did I tell you about the married couple I know who said they would be willing to share a house w/me when my lease is up? Well, I just found out they renewed their lease for another year, which means they are not moving in August as originally planned. Looks like I am out on my own.

Rats. Oh well. I have not lived alone in a while, and I am DYING to. Ex-F never leaves the house, which means I am never alone at all. Never. All day, every day. Unless I leave the house. Which gets old, because sometimes I want to just crash in front of the TV in my jammies, not get in my car to go somewhere and be anonymous in public. Why do I always have to be the one to leave?

In case you are wondering why I am not considering moving out, here are the reasons:

1. Ex-F really cannot afford this rent on his own. I can (even though it means I will be eating PB&J sandwiches for lunch every day). The last thing I want to do is dick him over some more.
2. Knowing him, he will return from his trip all happy and perfectly content with staying put. He talks a big game, but always opts for whatever is easiest in life (another personality trait I don't like.)
3. Until I get a tenant in my house in SC, I need to stick with whatever is cheapest, and right now, that means staying put and convincing Ex-F to stay put, too.

Ugh. Boy did I learn my lesson. I am NEVER living with a man again until I get married. Whenever that is.

Thanks for letting me vent. And if you think I'm a bitch, that's ok. Maybe I am. But living with Mr. Sulkface who has no friends or interests other than stocking an army's worth of drinks in the fridge would get on your nerves,too. Trust me.

Happy Bday to Me

2010-02-27T13:47:00.004-05:00

Greetings, readers! I am writing to you from my brand new laptop, while sitting in a coffee shop. This might be the most cliche moment of my life. :)

I know I haven't been blogging lately, so let me catch you up.

1. Today is my birthday. I turn 25. (Well, something like that...)Not much planned. MJ is on her way to visit me and hang out for the day. Tonight she and I are joining my coworkers for dinner at my favorite Thai restaurant. Mmmm. Thai. If I am not too sleepy, we will go out for a drink somewhere. But seeing as how I went to bed at 9:30 last night...might not happen.

2. I got a laptop. Yay! This is actually my first computer. I have always just used my friends' computers. I used to have my brother's old computer, but it was so slow, and I really wanted a laptop, so I just figured I'd go for it. I saved up my Best Buy gift cards for a year, and got this little HP for around $350. Woo hoo!! I wish you guys were here to see me try to figure out how to get onto a wireless network. It took me a few minutes. I looked like a total idiot.

3. The main purpose of the laptop was to get me out of the house, away from CN and around people other than CN and my coworkers. I am in such a bad habit of watching tv and just hanging out w/CN. It is not good. I need space. I need to get away. My laptop is my ticket out.

4. Total number of times I have used laptop to actually get out of the house: one. Today. I have had this laptop since Christmas time. It's so much easier to flop on the couch.

5. As if you cannot tell yet, the diet/exercise program is still nada. *Sigh* I really need to get going on that. It would give me so much more energy.

6. In more serious news, my uncle passed away suddenly about 3 weeks ago. He dropped dead of a heart attack. Just like that. The thing that stinks is that he knew heart problems ran in his family, and so he did everything right -- never smoked, never ate bad food, never gained weight, always exercised. We used to tease him because he never put any sauces or flavorings on his food -- no ketchup, no salt. He was trying to be healthy, I guess. Anyway, as you can imagine, my aunt was devastated. She's my dad's sister, btw. I heart her. So I flew up to Washington, DC. My brother works right near Dulles airport, and my mom was picking him up on the way to Lancaster, PA to go to the funeral. So she just stopped to pick me up at the airport. It was hard to see my aunt and my cousins (they had 3 boys) so sad and upset, but I know they will make it through ok. They have so many good friends up there, and my aunt's job keeps her really busy, which is good. Mom and I are already making plans to go visit her in a few months. Oh, and remember all those snowstorms that hit DC? And everything got shut down? I had to re-arrange my flight at the last minute to avoid getting stuck in DC. I was on one of the last flights before Dulles was shut down. Whew!

7. While I was up there, my aunt told me 2 stories about my ancestors which I did not know. I will have to share them with you -- they are super juicy! I have so many interesting and amazing family stories now. I kind of want to write a book about it. Maybe a semi-fictionalized account. That would be cool. I have always wanted to be an author.

8. Work is still bonkers. It's never going to let up. Ever. I have decided that if I don't get a nice (and I mean NICE) raise in June, when I'm up for review, I will start looking elsewhere. I have been working my butt off for this job, and I don't really like Savannah, anyway. (Have I blogged about this? If not, remind me. I have a little soapbox speech I give about Savannah.)

9. It is getting really REALLY hard not to talk about politics on here. I try to keep this blog as un-political as possible, but that my not last forever....

Anyway, thanks for reading. I will try and get better about this blog. Now, if you'll excuse me, I have to figure out why this outlet is not charging my laptop....argh.

BYOB in the New Year

2010-01-02T19:33:00.003-05:00

That's Bring Your Own Baggage, by the way. Certainly nothing to do with alcohol in my life! But if I did still drink, I would have a nice tall frosty one right now. Actually, make that some tequila shots.

CN is on a date.

As in....right now.

At dinner. With some girl.

And I'm ok with it. For the most part. It's kind of weird. There is a twinge of jealousy, I am not going to lie. Part of me feels like I should be the one to move on first, since I broke it off. In a lot of ways, I have moved on. But when he told me what he was doing tonight, it was all that much more evident to me that I am NOT NOT NOT ready to date anyone right now. No way, Jose. Flirt, yes. Check out a cute guy? Totally. Date? Nonononono. The thought of going on a date is just surreal to me at the moment. I want me time. Lots and lots of me time.

I'm kind of sad, though. Not only do I know it's over (obviously), but now I know that he knows it, too.

I have been psyching myself up all weekend to get going on resuming my diet/exercise regime. It's an annual event. Ha! Feeling all positive about myself....and wham. The ex has a date. And here I am, I weigh a ton (I am now too fat for my underwear....that's not a good sign), I cannot even remember how to date (because I am not putting myself out there because I am terrified), my self-esteem is rock bottom (due to weight issues) and I am now having a pity party while he's moving on. Good times. Please pass the Haagen-Daz.

I have been beating myself up all day about the fact I haven't really started dieting or exercising yet. Oh, and today (of course!) I was going through some old junk, and ran into all my leftover wedding planning stuff. As I am looking at it, feeling a little sad, he yells down the hall to tell me what his plans are for the evening. Classic.

The optimist in me won't let me throw it away, though. I kept all the torn out pictures of wedding dresses I like and kept the planner. It's now in storage in the garage.

So this news is kind of bad timing more than anything else. My esteem was already in the tanker. I am NOT going to have a pity party. I refuse. (Note: I have been sobbing through this entire post, so that is actually a bald-faced lie.) Feeling sorry for myself will only keep me miserable and let me remain overweight. I have GOT to pull up my bootstraps and get going with my life, instead of letting it take over and running the show. I am in charge. ME.

I am NOT too old. I am NOT too fat. I am NOT giving up. I am going to make this year ROCK if it's the last thing I do. I have two coworkers who want to exercise and lose weight, too, so I have buddies. One of them is single, too, and we've already talked about The Hot Girl Lifestyle. We will own it in 2010.

Things I am looking forward to:
1. I (think) I am buying a laptop soon. YAY! This will enable me to blog more/read blogs more, since I can get out of the house and have some computer privacy. (The lack of privacy, along with work's insanity have both played a role. I miss the blogosphere!) Anyone know who has free wi-fi? (On a semi-related note, is wi-fi trustworthy? Can I shop safely?)

2. Exercise. I cannot wait to run again. (You will notice I am notnotnot looking forward to the "diet" portion of the Sexy New Me program...) I already got new work out pants.

3. Moving. Again. (I am such a nomad, aren't I?) I don't know when. Perhaps I will need my own place sooner than I realized! I have been aching for it, lately. I'd hate to do it again so soon, and leave him with the big rent to pay all by himself, but I gotta do what I gotta do. I don't like the floorplan of this place, anyway. And I miss walking to work. Perhaps I can hold out until March, when the weather is nicer.

4. Getting back in touch with Single VB. She's been gone a loooong time, and hasn't really come out yet. I have been in my little comfort zone on the couch. Time to get out and about, doing things I want to do, fat or not. All work and no play makes VB a dull girl. And who wants to date a dull girl?

I am exercising tomorrow at 9am. I will be making my first *healthy* trip to the grocery store in a long time tomorrow, too. Now, if only I could find all my Weight Watchers paraphernelia...

I'm Not Dead!

2009-11-29T13:39:00.003-05:00

Hello, out there! I wonder if I have any readers left. I will assume I am talking to myself. Let's see. What has been going on in the last 2 months?

1. One of my coworkers (remember, the one who was kind of cute, but was really flaking out at work?) was fired. No probation, no serious warning -- just BAM! You're fired. This kind of put everyone on edge, like, "OMG, who is next??" -- but he really was doing a crappy job at work. No one was very surprised. The thing that stinks is that we were all friends w/him. So we are all kind of worried about him. He's been pretty down lately, so we have been concerned. Especially after he was offered a job at NYU and he turned it down. (Whaaa??). One of my coworkers did hang out w/him about a week ago, and she told me his plan is to move to Virginia Beach and open up a bar with one of his friends. This sounds a little weak to me, but who knows. I wish him the best. He's a really nice guy, so I hope he lands on his feet.

I also got a new boss. My old boss, who I love, is now my boss's boss. Anyway, my new boss rocks, too, so it's all good. I love my job. Even though it is really stressful, I love it.

2. CN (should I even call him that anymore? Perhaps "Ex Who is Now My Roommate" would be better?) and I are still on good terms, but we do each have our own little sad moments where we are reminded that we are not together. And our own little moments where we act like we are still together (no, not like that!). Which makes for an emotionally draining and frustrating environment. I can't really feel single when we are still roommates. It's not emotionally healthy for us to live together, and we have both brought this up at different times. But the financial situation keeps us together. Rent is very expensive here in Savannah, unless you want to live with a roommate (an option I do not have currently) or in the ghetto (I am willing to pay a lot of rent to be safe, so this also is not really an option). I am tempted to encourage him to move out (he has been thinking about it lately), if only for my sanity so I can get back to being "me" and not "we".

I feel kind of guilty for saying this, but I am feeling ready to date again. Whether I am really ready to do that remains unclear, but I definitely have the urge to go somewhere and flirt with cute guys. If CN knew this, it would crush him. I know my desire to get back on the horse will only get worse, and then what? Tell my date that I have an interesting living situation? Ugh. Introduce CN as my roommate? Double ugh.

So I think perhaps I will encourage him to go, suck it up financially, and get back to being Single VB. Then, in August, when the lease is up, I can find a cheaper place to live. My mom, my big sister and both of my aunts all think I am crazy for living like this. I am beginning to agree with them.

3. I didn't go home for Thanksgiving. It's an 8 hour drive, and I just didnt' feel like driving all that way. I really wanted a nice long weekend all to myself. And that's what I got. Selfish, I know, but work has been bonkers lately, and the last thing I wanted to do was stress out from driving on I-95 during Thanksgiving traffic. CN has been at his mom's house all weekend. This has been the Best Weekend Ever. I have totally relaxed, puttered around the house, slept in, cooked, read my book....aaaaaah. One of my coworkers wasn't going anywhere, either, so she and her hubby made a turkey and all the fixings, and we chowed down. It was sooo good.

4. I got a new cell phone and I love it. The salesman told me I would be addicted to it, and he was right. It's the Google Android MyTouch phone from T Mobile. I heart it. I don't know much about how it works, but I am having fun learning all about it. I have fun games, email, facebook, apps, etc. all on my phone. It is very cool. I highly recommend this phone if you are looking for one.

Um, I think that's about it for now. I am still working all the time, leaving me with little energy at the end of the day. I am slowing becoming interested in getting back to the gym after my...(I am ashamed to say it!) 11 month absence. The diet motivation is still MIA, unfortunately. But I do have the urge to run again, which is a good sign. I know exercise = energy, and that is a big motivator for me right now. I am sick of just working and sleeping and working and sleeping. I feel like I have no life outside of work sometimes. I need to be maximizing my day and going out of the house and meeting new people.

I'm sorry I haven't been blogging much. At all, really. CN uses the computer a LOT lately, and now he has to work mandatory overtime for his job, so he doesn't get off the computer until like, 7:30pm, and I just don't feel like blogging then. I like to blog right when I get home from work. I will try harder, I promise. And if CN moves out, and I have to choose between cable and internet, I will get internet. :)

Work Blur

2009-10-08T08:11:00.003-04:00

Thank you everyone for your supportive comments. I was kind of bummed out the other day, and I will probably have days like that for a while. But right now, I'm good.

Not to change the subject, but work is totally bonkers right now. Oh, who am I kidding? Work has been bonkers since I took this job back in February! That's why my blogging and blog reading has dwindled to almost nothing. My department is so incredibly understaffed, it is not even funny. You could double it and we probably still wouldn't get everything done. Now that fall quarter has begun (the college where I work is on a quarter schedule, rather than semesters -- yes, it's weird), it is beyond busy. Fall is our busiest time of the year, hands down. Just to give you an idea of what my days are like, let me tell you about last Monday. Please keep in mind that I am not complaining. I really love my job. I am just trying to illustrate to you how insane and demanding my job is. Ok, so about last Monday...

I sent or returned emails. All day. I am not kidding. That's what I did for 8 hours. Which means I didn't get anything else done. I have not worked fewer than 45 hours per week since August. I am probably closer to 50 hours per week. The only reason it is not 60 is because by 6pm I am too mentally exhausted to do anything productive. Here is a basic breakdown of an average day for me:

8am -- teach a class of students how to use the library. This involved about 1.5 hours of prep time the day before, btw.
10:30 am -- the class is over and so I don't have a ton of students asking me for help after I just showed them stuff. Time for breakfast at my desk while I check my email. I don't finish reading email because my staff has a bunch of questions for me. Now I have to send out a couple of emails or help them with something to get to the bottom of their concerns/questions.
11am -- I have to sit at the reference desk to answer questions from students who come into the library. Usually, I get to learn something cool in the process, like the history of a font or a theoretical interpretation of a painting. Yesterday, I learned there is a difference between an interior decorator and an interior designer. Who knew?
12pm -- Lunch! I am starved! I go to lunch after following up on a couple more things, answering more questions from my staff or coworkers, jotting "don't forget!" notes on my to-do list and talking to a faculty member who stopped by for a quick chat about their student's assignment and a couple of books they want us to buy.
12:40pm -- I actually sit down to eat my lunch.
1pm -- back on the reference desk to answer more questions and learn more stuff. Manage to check my email and finally return the emails from the last 24 hours.
3pm -- I am off the desk and back in my office to prep for the next day. More follow-ups. I spend about 15 minutes looking for my to-do list and another 15 minutes trying to figure out what to prioritize first. Tell myself I need to get organized better next time. Interrupted by coworker/staff member/student/faculty member. Have a panicky moment when I realize I forgot to do something kind of important. Drop everything to put out that fire. Make a bunch of photocopies for a class I am teaching later in the week. Run out of time to select some books for the library to buy, which I am supposed to be doing on a continual basis. Oops.
4pm -- meeting with someone about something. Could be a student working on an assignment, could be my boss wanting updates and could be my staff who are trying to learn the ropes of their new job or a faculty member who wants to talk to me about something. Or possibly Brett Favre. Who knows. I have probably met with Obama and I dont' even realize it because I am totally scatterbrained.
5pm -- YES! Time to go home! Oh wait. No. I can't. Gotta return this email, ask my coworker about this thing, take these books upstairs, look up some images for a professor, figure out what I am going to show the class I am teaching in the morning...
6pm -- ok, NOW I am going home. Yes. I think it is ok now. I don't feel panicky. My email has quieted down for the night and I honestly cannot think of anything super important that needs to be done before I go to bed.
7:30pm -- I pass out on the couch while I watch Jeopardy. No joke.
10:15pm -- I lie awake in my bed, thinking about work. Cannot...shut...off...brain....zzzzzzzzz

And that is just a normal day. Not even the craziest day. The crazy days are when 2 people call in and I have to cover some of their duties, or I have 3 classes to teach instead of one, or my boss has an emergency task she needs my help with NOW. That's when stuff really gets nuts.

Coming up soon on a Monday morning, I have 4 classes to teach. Before lunch. It will go like this:
8am -- arrive at Liberal Arts building to teach English class.
9:30am -- run across the hall to teach the next one.
11am -- go back to original room to teach next section of the same English course.
12:30 -- run back to the other room again to teach next section of that class.
2pm -- get to work to do all the stuff I normally do. Probably eat lunch at my desk.

The day after it? The same thing.

This job is going to be the death of me. I wish I was a superhero. I need to plan something super fun to do for when classes are over. I deserve a massage, or a vacation or a shopping spree. Something.

Oh, so the whole point of this blog. Almost forgot. (See? I am so overloaded, I cannot even remember simple things!) My boss pulls me into her office the other day. She told me I got a small raise (YAY) and that she is very happy with my work so far. She loves me. But perhaps a little too much: She then explains to me that she is thinking about making me Head of Public Services, which would essentially double my workload, because I would be in charge of 2 departments -- the two busiest in the building. I would be in charge of my department --Reference (answering questions at the front desk), Instruction, Circulation (all the checking in/out of books, holds, reserves, Interlibrary Loan, fines, etc.) and most of the Collection Development (ie, book selection). She is thinking about doing this because the manager of the Circulation department has been flaking out at work lately, and she implied that she is going to demote him and put him under me as another Reference Librarian. Which would kind of be a godsend -- I really need an extra pair of hands. But then I would be in charge of several other people I am not currently in charge of. My boss said I would be compensated ($!) for all of this extra work load, and I am really proud of myself for proving how valuable I am as an employee, but HOLY COW IS SHE HIGH??! I can barely keep my head above water now! And she wants me to pile even more heaps of responsibility on my plate??? I would love to say I would be excited for this HUGE promotion, but to be honest, I am worried I would not be able to handle it all.

She hasn't decided anything definite yet, but she will by the end of the month. The thing that is really weird is that this guy who has been flaking out is a really nice guy who everyone likes and who we all hang out with socially. I just hope it doesn't get awkward if it does happen. Oh, and did I mention that he's cute? Yeah. He is. Just to make it that much more interesting.

My boss had better be talking about a LOT of money.

Dying Alone and Childless: Day 23

2009-10-02T17:03:00.003-04:00

First of all, I must thank each and every one of you for your support, emails, text messages and comments. I am truly overwhelmed, and literally brought to tears. *sniff*

This is going to make no sense, but the decision was both easy and incredibly difficult. At the same time. But I am also alternating between the two, especially now, after 3 weeks. It's so obvious we are wrong for each other! No, wait! Oh my gawd, did I really do that? Am I ok with this? Yes. Yes, I am totally ok. No, wait. etc. etc. Those of you who love the Voices in My Head have no idea what the cocophony has been like for the last month. I feel like a very, very strong woman..........but also like a murderer. I killed my dream. I killed us. But I am proud of myself for recognizing something and doing something about it, even though it made me sad and hurt someone I still care very deeply for. I have pride and shame. Mostly shame.

The thing that is really strange about this whole process (and it makes sense if you think about it) is how similar this feels to grief. I imagine it must be even worse if it's in the context of going through a divorce. That must be excruciating.

Like grief, I have good days and I have bad days. Some days I am feeling fine, and almost ready to put it all in the past and move on. Other days, I am really bummed out and wondering, "What if I just blew it?" I mean, you only get so many chances in life, right? What if I am being too picky? No two people agree on everything, so you have to have compromises, right? Do people really get married after the age of 32, or is that just what tv wants you to think? If I were to meet Mr. Perfect today, there's no way I would make it down the aisle anytime sooner than 32, let's face it. I am in a race against crow's feet, y'all. It's getting serious now. Have I officially reached old maid-dom? Are my ovaries vestigial organs at this point, and I might as well start planning my trip around the world -- solo? Because that is my Plan B: Become a World Traveller. Are all the men in my age range as confused, damaged and gun-shy as I am now? Or worse -- are all the good ones taken?

...and then there's the obvious question......

When and how do I try to re-enter the world of dating? Do I try online dating again?

*shudder* Because I am in a town where I don't really know anyone. So my dating options are pretty much nil. Ugh. No. Not yet, anyway. Maybe in a few months. I gotta get a feel for this town through the eyes of a single girl first. I don't know if it's full of jackasses who will only waste my time or if it's just a matter of separating the wheat from the chaff.

This is really all moot, anyway, as CN and I are now......roommates. Yes, we are 100% broken up. We've even had the, "Ok, are we really really broken up? Or is there a chance we might get back together?" talk. There is no touching beyond hugs, I put a robe on when I get out of the shower, etc. We are in separate bedrooms and are rarely home at the same time. So far.....so good. I don't have to cook, and he doesn't have to take me out to dinner. We each have our own couch, and if we don't want to watch the same show, one of us just goes upstairs. No harm, no foul.

I wonder if you are thinking this sounds incredibly awkward. It isn't. It's funny how comfortable it has been so far. I guess when you have dated someone for 2 years, the time to feel awkward has passed completely, no matter the circumstances. We are both pretty laid back people, and we have agreed not to bring any new significant others over until further notice. (Repeating this rule aloud just makes us snicker, because both of us go for loooooooong periods of time between relationships, so it's humorous to even think about dating a new person right now.)

At first, we talked about him moving out, but it would be difficult for me to afford this place on my own. Especially since his job pays for Internet (yay!). And he was not excited about the idea of moving again after we JUST got here. So for the time being, we are roomies. The Czarina does NOT get this and doesn't like it. I think she is worried we won't be able to move on or avoid sleeping together. I see her concern, but unfortunately, I don't make enough money to kick him out. Well, I do, but it would seriously impact my clothing budget. :) And he's saving a lot of money by staying, too. You can't live in a decent neighborhood in Savannah for under $800/month, and right now, we are each paying $500/month -- essentially a steal. And to be honest, I don't want to have any other roommate right now. CN is a really good one. Except that he doesn't seem to put his dirty dishes in the dishwasher -- a minor concern in the world of roommates.

He has told his job that he wants to be put on what is called "detail". This means he would travel a LOT all around the state, to different towns to do his work. If he gets put on detail, he will be gone periodically for as long as a month at a time. Obviously, this would be good for both of us. He's still waiting to hear back from them.

For the first time in my life, I wish I had a PR assistant. Someone to break the news to family and friends, field any questions, deal with the backlash, put out a press release for me. Because explaining it is one of the worst parts about this process. I dread it. And it's big news, too. I can't just do a facebook update. I have to email or call all the important people in my life. Individually. It took me about a week just to tell you guys, and I don't even know most of you! I try to get other people to spread the word for me so I don't have to repeat my sad story over and over and over. I elected one trusted coworker to put the news out to everyone at work. I even managed to change my facebook status secretly, so there was no horrible broken heart icon in everyone's news feed. (Whew!)

Then again, part of me feels like this is what I get for what I did. The punishment for my crime. Like Sisyphus, I am doomed to repeat my story over and over and over forever. Endless questions. Endless pity. Every time I tell it, I get more and more bummed out. Luckily, it comes and goes in waves. And work is REALLY busy right now, so that helps a lot.

I have gotten a mixed bag of reactions to the news, from shock to confusion to relief to pity -- and everything inbetween. What has been surprising to me is how invested some of our friends were in "us". A couple of them are having a hard time coming to terms that we broke up. For real. And no, we are not getting back together. I've been really surprised at how many family members were relieved to hear the news. They could tell we weren't a good fit. But they kept their mouths shut. I do not blame them. Telling someone they are with the wrong person is very difficult.

I am worried about the long term effects of this living situation. I have a friend who is in a similar situation. She's been in it for about 6 months now, and they are waiting for the house to sell before they can part ways. Ugh. I feel for her. Anyway, she said to me the other day that she's thinking about getting back together with him. I am worried that as time passes, I may start thinking like that, and fall back to where we were, and end up dragging things out or making a mistake...ugh. So I am a little concerned about my future and my ability to stay strong for a long period of time (we all have our needs -- *ahem*) and still move on despite the fact that I am living with an ex-fiance.

But I have to say that we are both being respectful, mature and flexible. So I'm kind of proud of us. Most people would turn this into a vindictive, painful and petty living situation. We are not.

I don't think he would admit it, even to himself, but I think he feels some relief, too. The pressure to be someone he's not is all gone. He doesn't have to try and understand me or my needs anymore. I think he may be starting to see how this is a good thing. Or maybe I just tell myself that to alleviate some of the mountains of guilt I am experiencing.

More than anything, though, I feel really really alone and lost. For the first time in my life. For two years, I have been a part of something. And now it's gone. Who am I? Why did I put myself in this situation? Am I pushing people away? How do I get in touch with myself again, when so much of my identity is wrapped up with him? What's next?

I guess today is one of those bad days.

Probably the Biggest Post Ever

2009-09-21T18:38:00.004-04:00

So after trying on a bazillion dresses at about 4 stores, I found The Dress.....

If you want to see a pic of the back, go to David's Bridal and search for style # CT 2406. It's exactly what I wanted -- lace, but still simple, under $1,000 and not too fluffy or Bridezilla-y. But before you get all excited, I have some other news, too.

While CN and I were in Virginia visiting The Czarina, we spoke with the pastor of my family's church in my hometown. He wanted to talk to us about getting some pre-wedding counseling and he wanted to ask us a bunch of questions.

He started with some basic ones which I think we handled ok. Then the questions started to get more involved. How are we working on the budget? Who will do all the housework? Who will be the primary caretaker of the children? How many kids do you want to have? Where will you live? Who brings home the bacon? etc.

We sort of muddled through, because to be honest, we had never really discussed any of these things too deeply. We had some ideas, but nothing definite. Then he gave us a questionnaire to fill out -- one for me and one for CN. We were supposed to fill them out separately, and then compare answers. We did it when we got back home to Savannah, but I already knew what would happen.

Our answers were pretty different. Our answers were different on BIG questions that are important. Like how do you picture your life in ten years? My answer: fun, exciting chaos -- lots of kids running around, possibly a new career, we might be living anywhere in the world, constant changes. His answer: living in Savannah. Same jobs. Maybe a kid. And a house.

Another question pointed out to me that we do not resolve issues properly (we basically drop them rather than get to the bottom of it) and that I have a small issue with his relationship with his mother (she is really needy and not independent AT ALL, which makes him feel like he can never move too far away, no matter what). I asked CN what would happen if I found a great job that would mean a better life for us and our kids.....but it's in Oregon. He said I would be moving there alone if that happened, because he can't move that far from his mom.

Wow. That's an eye opener.

He believes staying near your family is much more important than I do. He cannot fathom living somewhere that is not within a couple hours from his mom. This is a foreign concept to me. That's why planes, trains and automobiles were invented.

"What if your mom and I had a disagreement? Would you take my side or hers?" I asked.

"Well, that depends on who is right," he replied.

"Wrong answer," I said. "If I am the mother of your children, I have to come first. Period. When you marry me, I have to become your priorty, second only to God. Just like you would become my priority. That's what marriage is about. If your marriage is not first, that's a problem for me."

He could not see that.

After going through some more talking and discussing what we wanted from life and how we viewed marriage, our differences became really obvious to me. But I had seen this coming.

For a while.

For several months, actually.

A few months ago, I began to have some doubts about marrying CN. I even had a huge freak out and went to go visit MJ for a weekend to talk to her about it. I was so confused! I knew what I was feeling, but I couldn't verbalize it. She did a great job at listening to me, but not voicing her opinion. Exactly what I needed! I felt a little better. I kept telling myself, "It's not that big of a deal. You love each other. You will figure it out." or "Too late. You're marrying CN, so you made your bed. Now sleep in it."

These are NOT good thoughts, am I right?

I had a nagging voice in the back of my head. It was doubt. And if there is one thing I believe, it's that you should NEVER get married if you have any doubts. I began to realize that CN is lacking in some things I cannot live with. I love him to death, but I know it takes more than love to make a marriage work. He is perfectly happy with the same job, same house, same day in and out-- for the most part. He is not ambitious or very energetic or motivated to improve his life. He is not intellectually curious. Now, I am not knocking these things. I am sure there are plenty of wonderful people who are perfectly happy like this. But I am not one of them. That is not good. CN and I need to be on the same page with things, and we are not. When I think about a future w/CN, all I see is that everything will be my job:

where we live (It was my idea to move to Savannah, remember?)
how many kids to have
which job to take (I make more money than him, and he will probably never change jobs, so we will probably move according to my career, not his, which is an easily-transferred job anyway)
the housework (I do not mind being in charge of it, especially after seeing him do laundry!)
raising the kids (not that he would be a bad father -- he would be great. But I can tell I would be the one helping them with homework, putting them to bed, etc.)

Are you tired yet? Because I am exhausted when I think about this. CN is a passive participant in his own life. He has very few friends, and only talks to them when they call him. He has very few hobbies. I began to realize -- he's kind of boring. But how could that be?? I was so happy dating him! And then I realized: he is always willing to do what I want to do. He doesn't have any life or opinions outside of me. It's like dating myself! I like being busy, trying new things, working hard, taking risks. But I can't do it all. And since CN is so passive, I will be doing everything. All by myself. And during this process, CN will grow resentful of me for running the show all the time. When he does, and says something, I will have to back down and do what he wants for a change, which will make me resentful. We will fall into a vicious cycle of resentment. It will eat away at what we have. And what I need in a spouse, I will eventually want to get elsewhere. Not good. At all.

But I was not the only one who saw it. Before I left my mom's house, The Czarina pulled me aside after everyone went to bed. I had talked to her about this stuff a little before, in the weeks preceding this visit. But I had been so excited and wrapped up in getting married, I had sort of put it to the back of my mind.

She said to me, "I'm only going to say one thing. And if I'm wrong, then tell me to shut up and we will never have to talk about this again. He is a sweet guy, and I know you love him very much, and I can tell he loves you very much. But if you are making all the decisions, how is this any different than being single?"

As soon as she said this, I burst into tears and knew what I had to do. I think I was just waiting for someone to sort of give me permission to remember that there were no rings on any fingers yet. I didn't have to do it.

I broke it off last week.

Hi!! I'm Back!

2009-08-22T19:44:00.005-04:00

Hello, faithful and patient readers! I know I have been m.i.a., but I promise I have rewards for you. CN and I are now in a much bigger, safer and newer house in Savannah. I now have little luxuries like electrical outlets, a dishwasher and elbow room.

You see, before we moved, the computers were in a very cramped corner and it made blogging not fun. Also, I felt I needed a little bit of a break. But now I am back! And I have lots to report! Time for a bulleted list of updates:

My job is still great, despite the fact that I work for Big Brother (see previous post).
I was in KT's wedding, and it was very fun. She was very beautiful.
I am now officially a boss. I have 2 staff members. This is very weird and I am not used to it yet.
I still have not stopped moving since I moved to Savannah. I always have something to do and things to attend. I would like to get off the rollercoaster, but now I have a wedding to plan!
My stupid ex-boyf tried to friend me on facebook. Yes, that ex. The huge asshole one. I am ignoring it.
Savannah is kind of weird and a little smaller than I am used to, but it is a very interesting town with lots to do: tours, the beach, museums, restaurants, art galleries/shows, etc. It is really fun to explore it. CN and I actually snuck into the end of a tour of a haunted house, actually. It was surprisingly easy. It was kinda funny, because we could tell the other people were looking at us like, "Hey, who are those people?" LOL But CN and I felt too guilty to do it again. Typical. *rolls eyes*
Our new house has dramatically reduced our stress levels. It is so nice to have closets and peace and quiet! Very very safe neighborhood, full of other young couples.

That's about all I can think of, but let me tell you about the little things that have been challenging during this last move: CN's entertainment center was too big to move, so he is selling it. This is awesome, because I don't like it anyway. :)

Also, sometime during the move, the hose which drains the dirty water from the washing machine acquired a hole. We did not realize this until after we moved it upstairs to its designated spot, then did a load of laundry, only to come across a huge puddle of water on the floor below. Oops. So much for our damage deposit. Luckily, the spots on the ceiling aren't too bad, so we might be ok.

The key to our mailbox is broken, and we have to wait on the post office to replace it, because our mailbox is owned by the post office. Until then, we can't get our mail from there. We didn't realize we could simply put our mail on hold at the post office and just pick it up. We finally realized we could do this (I guess we are ignorant of post office options!) and started holding it on Monday. So there are 2 weeks-worth of mail which are m.i.a. This concerns me. I even happened upon our mailman today and got him to open our mailbox for me, only to find 2 measly pieces of junk mail in there. WTF?? Where is all our mail??

We just got internet and cable tv about 3 days ago, after multiple appointment cancellations and technical difficulties on the part of the cable/internet people. CN was going crazy, because he can't do his work without a landline internet connection. He actually had to drive up to his mom's house for a couple days just to use her internet so he could get some work done. He was about to kill AT&T and DirecTV.

Something is wonky about the way our street receives power from the power company. Every time there is a big thunderstorm, we lose power. Since we moved in August 1st, we have lost power 4 times -- about once a week. Our neighbors tell us to get used to it because it's always been like this, and there is nothing we can do. It's annoying, but since it usually rains in the late afternoon, it means I can't cook dinner. "Shoot! I guess we have to go out to eat again, honey!" Tee hee. Usually the power will be out for about 4 hours when this happens. Yeah, we are not loving this so much. But I am getting to use my candles!

Have I shared pics of our new place? I can't remember. Someone let me know. We ended up moving into the new townhomes near the Bonaventure Cemetery, which is the cemetery featured prominently in Midnight in the Garden of Good and Evil. I can basically see the entrance to it from my front porch. I take walks in there sometimes. CN thinks our house is built on part of it, because of all the bad luck things that have gone wrong during our move!

Wedding update for those of you who are interested:

No ring/official proposal yet. But the date is more or less set: July 10th. CN and I are going to visit The Czarina over Labor Day. We are bringing his mom with us -- the moms are meeting, which is kind of cool. While we are up there, CN is supposed to get the ring from The Czarina. I am not going to ask him if he does get it because I do want it to be as much of a surprise as possible, but if he doesn't, I will chop his head off. :)

I have been doing the typical thing of ripping pages of ideas out of bridal magazines. It's pretty fun to plan it all out. Today, I even went wedding dress shopping for a little bit. It was very surreal and emotional -- I was caught off guard, actually. I thought it would just be like trying on regular clothes. But they keep kleenex there for a reason! I didn't like doing it without my mom. It made me sad, a little. So I am not going to do any more serious shopping until Labor Day weekend, when she and I are doing a major blitz -- venues and dresses for the whole weekend. Anyway, it was so funny, because I walked into the store and told the women my requirements:

no strapless dresses!
white, not ivory!
no beading, but lace is good
no bustle-ly looking things, because I think it looks like static cling.
keep it kind of simple

They looked at each other and laughed at me, and I didn't know why.

A few minutes later, I found out why. I fell in love with this:

No, I don't think it's "the" dress, but I do like it, and the price is good. It's a contender, for sure. I will know more after I check out more stores and dresses. If you want to see more pics of the dress, go to the Casablanca bridal website and do a search for style #1904.

Yes, this is the first time I am putting my face on my blog. AND it's a wedding dress pic. See, I told you it was worth the wait! This is a terrible photo of me, actually. I didn't think my face was in it, so I was talking.

Ok, CN and I are going to go grab some dinner. I expect a lot of comments, people!!!

Weirdsville

2009-07-03T08:48:00.002-04:00

CN and I went out last night with some of my coworkers, so he is sleeping off the beers, which means I am free to blog without him standing over me or trying to grab my boobs. Yay!

I am very excited to write this post, as it's been a long time coming. I knew within days of moving to Savannah that I would have to start keeping track of this stuff. I should have kept a list, because I know I am going to forget some things. Maybe I will just post them as I remember them.

Without further ado, I present to you a list of all the really strange things I have witnessed since moving to the weirdest town I've ever lived in -- Savannah, Georgia.

1. I was walking with MJ around my neighborhood, when we saw a guy walking in the opposite direction. All of a sudden, out of nowhere, as he is crossing a street, he busts out into breakdancing. We are confused and amazed, and so we stop to watch. Then, just as quickly, he jumps up and goes right back to walking to wherever he was going.

2. There is a guy I see on occassion downtown. He wears a white pharaoh's outfit, complete with that ancient Egyptian-style headdress. I cannot figure out if he needs to wear that for a job of some kind or what. But he never changes into street clothes before walking home. This is odd to me.

3. One morning, just before 8am, I was walking to work. To save time, I cut through an old cemetery in the middle of downtown. Usually, it is full of people walking to work or walking their dogs or tourists who read the historical markers. This particular morning, I crossed paths with a guy carrying 4 big bottles of Gain liquid laundry detergent. He was in a part of town that was nowhere near any stores or laundromats-- especially none open at 7am. And even if he was, why would you buy four at once and carry them around??? This one still puzzles me.

4. To cut through this cemetery, I have to go through a back gate and a front gate, as the perimeter is fenced in. For months, both gates were open from at least 7:30am until about 8pm. Then, one day, they started locking only the back gate at 5pm, sharp. This means I had to take a longer way to get home. I asked the security guard one day why they started locking the back gate at 5, and he couldn't give me an answer. If the front gate stays open until 8pm, what does it matter if the back gate does, too?? UGH!

5. Now that it is hot, I drive to work and park in a parking lot about 3 blocks from work. As I walk along these three blocks, I pass a Mexican restaurant. One day, there was a man standing outside of it, facing the wall of the restaurant. He was talking to himself. Loudly. And gesturing with his arms and legs vigorously. I crossed the street to avoid this wack job. That's when I noticed there were several pedestrians, and we were all staring at him. The crazy guy suddenly looked up and saw one of the other pedestrians, and immediately stopped.

6. I think I forgot to mention that I attended the festivities for St. Patty's Day a few months back. Now, it's a pretty crazy time here in Savannah. It's as important to us as Mardi Gras is to New Orleans. I mean, St. Patty's has been celebrated here for like, 130 years. Anytime you get a large group of drunk people together, you're going to see some crazy stuff. But imagine my surprise when I saw a fully grown man, wearing nothing but sunglasses and a very large diaper!

7. One day, CN and I found an empty jar of Nutella in our backyard. We have no idea how it got there. Some Nutella-flinging freak was done with it, I suppose.

8. I have a neighbor who, luckily for me, lives too far away to bother me with his habit of getting up at 5am to blare music from the 1980s from his front porch. The music is on all. day. long.

9. CN saw a fully-dressed clown walking down the street once. It was a sad-faced clown. Odd.

10. We have not received our electricity bill in two months. Luckily, the library where I work is directly across the street from the electric company's customer service center, so I just pay it on my lunch break when I know it's probably due. But the rest of our mail makes it to our house, no problem.

There are lots more, guys, but I just can't think of them right now. This is seriously the oddest town I have ever seen! I'll share more in the future.

*Yawn!* Ok, I think I will get on my bike and ride to Starbucks for some coffee. Happy 4th of July, everyone!

Wedding Plan Update

2009-06-27T08:47:00.004-04:00

The Czarina left a message on my phone yesterday. "Are you dead?" she asked. "I haven't talked to you in weeks."

No, I'm not dead, but by the sound of that message, I bet I will wish I was when I call you back! I thought. This kind of voice mail means only one thing with my mom: she wants to talk about something. A lot. Please don't let it be my weight and lack of diet and exercise, I thought.

I called her back on my lunch break and told her that yes, I am still alive, how we are moving on August first, how I am not coming up for her annual party this year, and how I still love my new job. Other than that, I'm just busy with mundane things. I did not tell her that most of those mundane things include eating and watching tv, which is why I still haven't lost any weight. Which is the real reason why I am not coming up to see her this weekend. I told her I don't have much vacation time saved up (which is true), but I could have come up if I wanted to.

"That's ok, honey, you need to save your time up to make a trip up here maybe in August so we can go dress shopping, anyway," she said.

"Yeah, I am already dieting in preparation," I replied. LIE LIE LIE

Then she launched into wedding plan mode. We discussed changing the date -- again. Now it is looking like mid-July of next summer, rather than my dad's birthday like I wanted. My aunt won't be able to attend if I get married on my dad's birthday, because she has to work that weekend, and I want her to go. So I guess that is out, because she HAS to attend or I will cry. I told The Czarina how important it is to me that I get a photographer who will take lots of action shots, instead of just lame-o glamour-shot poses. I want an artistic photographer, ya know?

We discussed the bridal party. "Actually, Mom," I explained, "I was thinking of not having a bridal party."

*huge pause from The Czarina*

"But you have two sisters," she said flatly. Her brain was saying in a robotic voice: Does not compute. Does not compute.

"Yeah, but....I was thinking....and CN doesn't....." I tried to explain. I could hear her irritation over the phone.

"Ok," I surrendered.

Somehow, now I have 4 bridesmaids. When I didn't want any. It's no offense to my sisters, I swear! Well, ok it is a little bit. My older sister might think I would be rubbing it in her face that I'm getting married and she's not. (Yes, she's like that.) So I just don't really want to even go there with her. No bridal party = No pissed off older sister. And although I love my MJ to death, I know she doesn't like being a bridesmaid any more than I do. She's totally not the type of person who would be upset about not being one! She would be relieved!

Add to that the CN is such a loner, and he doesn't have any brothers. So who the hell is he going to have as his groomsmen? My brothers? So the entire wedding party consists of my people, and none of his? That is so lame. I don't want to do that to him.

Actually, one of my big worries is that the wedding will be all about me and my mom, and not about CN or his family. Most of his family lives in Alabama, and asking them to go to a wedding in Virginia is a lot. CN doesn't have a lot of friends, and they are all in South Carolina....so I am picturing a church that is totally lopsided -- everyone on my side of the church. Ugh. That is so not how I want it to be.

The Czarina told me one of her friends recommended a wedding planner to her. I told her I purchased a wedding planning book, but it is now lost somewhere in my overstuffed apartment and that I was going to start officially planning when we move and unpack. This was no excuse for her. Shocker.

She wants me to get cracking on things.

"Look, I want a guest list. We need to know how big this thing is going to be, because we may not be able to fit into the train station if we get more than 150 people coming to this thing," she told me. (The old train station in my hometown has been converted into a perfect place for wedding receptions, but it's not a huge building.)

"Mom, I can't make a guest list until I know what my budget is," I replied. Holy cow! 150 people?? I was thinking like....75! I thought. Oh dear...

She told me what she was planning on chipping in. I was relieved to hear it was not a lot. I do NOT NOT NOT want a big wedding. I have enough debt and I don't want a dog and pony show where half the people attending don't even know me. No, I have not figured out how to get tons of presents despite holding a small wedding. I need to strategize for maximum gift receiving, despite a tiny guest pool. Hmmm...

We are going to save a ton of money on food, because we are going to serve BBQ. (For those of you who are not Southern, no this does not mean hot dogs and burgers from a grill. I am talking about a good Southern buffet -- pulled pork, baked beans, tater salad, biscuits, fried chicken, shrimp and grits, etc.) This is what Mom, CN and I all wanted, so that was an easy thing to decide! Mom wants to reserve most of the money for the band and the alcohol, which is exactly what I wanted to do. I want all my guests drunk and dancing, much like a frat party. Again, another easy decision. So we are on the same page for much of it.

"And when is this jerk planning on proposing to you, anyway?" she half-joked. "I am sitting here, looking at this ring and it's gorgeous."

"Mom, you are not supposed to be telling me anything about the ring or its whereabouts. You will ruin the surprise. Besides, CN said that he is waiting until we move before he does that. We have a lot of things on hold right now until we move," I explained.

Things on hold include: wedding proposals, wedding planning, buying things bigger than a loaf of bread, exercising, organizing, cleaning, major cooking and doing anything other than watching tv at home. Because we live in a sardine can. Everything has something on top of it, so there are no places to spread your legs, your papers, your projects, your cooking implements, your books or your board games.

I was kind of mad at her for saying this, actually, because I was secretly hoping that he had somehow already gotten the ring from her. (She was in Charleston, SC a few weeks ago, just by coincidence.) Then again, maybe that is a red herring....hmmm...I wouldn't put it past her.

Anyway, I guess I need to get going on this wedding planning stuff. But I have mixed emotions:

33% of me is thinking, "COOL! This is actually happening!"

33% of me is thinking, "OMG. Nononono. Elope now, while you still can. You will kill your mother if you don't."

34% of me wants to boycott this whole thing until I get that damn ring on my finger. I am tired of explaning to people how I am only partially-engaged. I'm trying so hard to be patient, but let's face it. That's really not my forte.

We're Moving! Again!

2009-06-26T06:12:00.005-04:00

After what feels like looking at about one million houses and apartments, CN and I finally decided on where we are going to live.

We were almost going to sign a lease to live in an adorable house in this neighborhood called Ardsley Park. It's a really nice area just south of downtown, full of charming homes, mostly little bungalows from the 1920s-1940s. There are porch swings and hardwood floors and screen porches and sidewalks and little parks sprinkled throughout. Plus, it's nice and quiet and safe. Mostly young couples, with the occasional kid or two. And lots of dogs. *sigh* (If you ever watch that show, "Ruby", on the Style network, she lives in Ardsley Park. You could get a feel for the area if you see that show.) Anyway, Ardsley is a very desirable area, and it's a shame we aren't looking to buy, because we'd be there in a heartbeat.

So we were all ready to go for this 3BR, 2BA brick home in Ardsley. It had a really nice kitchen, lots of charm, a finished attic (where CN could have his office and his Man Room) and a big backyard for Sammy. But we looked at Craigslist one more time.

We had been keeping our eyes on these brand new townhomes, over in an area called Thunderbolt. What a name, huh? We had gone to see them, but they were a little more than we wanted to spend for the location (it's not a bad location, but there aren't any parks or places to take walks, and there's a lot more traffic on the main road in and out of there.) So these townhomes were originally for sale, but thanks to our awesome economy, they aren't selling, so the builder is now renting them out. At first, they wanted $1200/mo, which was basically what we would be spending in Ardsley. But they dropped the rent to $1000/mo! How do we say no??? We would be stupid to live anywhere else.

These townhomes are in a quiet little cul-de-sac near Bonaventure Cemetery. If you remember Midnight in the Garden of Good and Evil, this is the cemetery where the Bird Girl statue is. So it's pretty quiet! LOL Each townhouse has a ground-level garage, which is huge. Then the next floor up has a living room, half bath, eat-in kitchen and back porch (which can be screened in at our request -- I am so excited!). Then the top floor has 3 bedrooms and 2 full baths, along with the washer and dryer. This means I get my own bathroom and closet. Be still my beating heart. And the kitchen??? I can totally cook in it. I am so excited. And since it's new, it is well-insulated, unlike the box of swiss cheese we live in right now. Our electricity bill this month? $120. This is for an 800 sq ft apartment. Which is absurd.

Ok, I have to go beat CN into the bathroom to get ready for work, so I gotta go. Here's some pics. I'll try and post more often, y'all. I know I stink.

Public Service Announcement: Job Seeking

2009-06-04T17:46:00.005-04:00

Hello, Readers! Hooray for spare moments for blogging!

I feel this post is both timely and educational, as due to our unfortunate economic times, jobs are becoming scarce and there are a lot of new graduates out there. This is especially true in the library world.

To be more specific, I am in the middle of hiring for my department, and there are a lot of wack jobs out there. I wanted to share a list of dos-and-don'ts with you, in case you are a crackhead applying for jobs. Of course, I realize my readers know better than to make these errors when applying for positions, but this is still entertaining.

1. Do not submit an application that is entirely in bright blue, swirly font. It hurts my eyeballs, whose nerve endings are linked to the very finger I use to hit the "delete" button. If you are that obnoxious via pdf, I don't want to know you in person.

2. Please remember to read the job requirements. "Must have a library science degree" does not mean "...but it's ok if your entire work experience can be summed up in three letters." The three letters I am referring to in this particular case? KFC. Oh, how I wish I was making this up. Look, I know times are tough, guys, but even if I did have a soft spot for fryers of chicken (and believe me, I have a special place in my heart for them), my boss would shoot me if I hired someone like that and expected them to understand Boolean operators and database licensing agreements. Hey, you'd be a hit at the pot lucks, but let's be honest, it's just a complete waste of time for both of us.

3. It's a good idea to leave your political, religious and socially volatile views out of your cover letter. Funny, but I thought this was an obvious one.

4. If you do not know how to explain why you are interested in a job without sounding condescending to the potential new boss, get a good, honest friend to proofread your cover letters. And leave your ego at home.

5. There is NEVER a reason why your resume should be eleven pages long. Unless you are the leader of a G8 nation, keep it to 3 max.

6. Actually, no, it's not ok to say, "In lieu of a cover letter, I have expanded my resume with extra details. I hope this is ok." Especially not when the application instructions clearly state you have to submit a cover letter in addition to your resume.

7. Before you send in your references, double check to make sure they are not all personal friends. If they are, lie to me and say they are former coworkers.

8. Please do not call, email, then call, then email again, then call...and basically harass the crap out of me. It's annoying. Guess what kind of people I don't like working with.

9. Sending me an email apologizing for the spelling errors in your cover letter and resume will only convince me of your lack of attention to detail. They invented this thing called "spell check". Use it.

10. How the hell did your pdf pages end up out of order AND upside-down?? It was a word document to begin with! You are deleted, because I don't want to have to untangle your messes all the time.

11. If you went to Super Awesome Ivy League School, and you rest on your laurels for 35 years, yes, I will delete you. I don't care that you are smart and/or rich. I need someone who is active in the field and realizes that typewriters are as dead as dinosaurs. Who types their resume on a typewriter anymore????

12. That being said, there's the other side of the coin: if your resume looks like a train wreck, with a new job and/or career every six months, that does not bode well. I don't want to be your next experiment. Nor do I want to work with someone who can't get along with anyone. I could be wrong, but in my experience people with resumes like this either have no direction in life or they are very difficult to work with and are fired left and right.

13. If you are applying for the position I am offering, and accepting it means a massive pay cut and/or demotion in title and duties for you, this freaks me out. Hey, everyone has their dream job, but very few people want to go from being The Big Cheese to Bottom of the Totem Pole. This situation makes my warning bells go off. Something is not adding up right. Especially if you are still working at your old job. Fired or laid off, ok, I get it. But you're still the boss? And you want to volunteer for entry-level? Sounds suspicious.

14. If you have a question about the position, fine. That is understandable. (I personally go by the philosophy of, "Ok, I will just apply. If they like what they see, I will get to ask my questions in the interview.") But to hunt me down while I'm at work, then interrupt me while I am helping someone does NOT fly. Especially when you are wearing jeans and only want to know if the position is still open. Jeezus!!! You're applying to be a librarian. Someone who works with people. And guess what. People don't like being interrupted!!! Does the phrase "customer service" mean anything to you?

15. Speaking of what to wear, I am still young, and I consider myself laid-back and still relatively hip. I'm one of those people who doesn't care about small nose piercings, tattoos or black nailpolish. It's an art school. People are artsy. I get it. Just keep in mind that not everyone is like me. One of those people is my boss, who has ultimate veto power. And although the students wouldn't have a problem with it, some faculty members might. Guess how that reflects on me. Yeah.

I might have to add to this list if things keep going the way they are going! I had over 100 applications for my two positions, with more coming in every day. It's a long process, but at least it's an employer's market!

Busy!

2009-05-27T06:00:00.002-04:00

Hey Guys,

I know I stink for not blogging more, but my job keeps me SLAMMED every day, unlike my old job, where I would get so bored I would count the ceiling tiles sometimes. It's great!! So now, by the time I get home, the last thing I want to do is sit down in front of a computer. I am so tired of looking at spreadsheets and websites and Word docs, I just want to hang out with CN and maybe cook some dinner.

I would blog more on the weekends, except we are never home on the weekends. Between weddings, family duties and my working the occassional Sunday, we have little to no weekend time. This coming weekend will be the first weekend this month where we are not going anywhere. I am sick to death of living out of a suitcase every weekend. I don't know how jetsetting people can live like that.

There is some bad news. CN's dad passed away on May 8th. So that has taken up a lot of our free time, obviously. He was in so much pain by the time he passed away, it was actually a relief. CN's mom (maybe I should just start calling her my MIL?) is doing a really good job at hanging in there. She's tough like my mom, so I know she's going to be ok. She's pretty excited to get out of the house, since she's been cooped up there, taking care of her hubby for months. I was really glad when her siblings arrived from Alabama to attend the funeral and hang out for a few days. CN's mom is one of TEN kids, and seven of them came up for the funeral. Until they arrived, the mood around the house was, not surprisingly, grim and sad. But once they got there, the joking and the teasing and the laughter returned to CN's mom. They are a big family of jokesters, and it was really good to see her laugh. They helped all of us cheer up a little. CN and I were incessantly teased once they found out we are sorta-kinda engaged.

Speaking of that, CN and I basically refer to each other as fiancee. But there are still no rings, popping of questions or wedding plans to speak of. We haven't had time! And when we do have time to do stuff, our house is too cramped to do it. There's no where to spread out or relax. So we are moving soon. We have broken the news to our landlord that we are moving out on July 15th. We can't take it anymore. Our house is too small, our neighborhood is too dangerous. We have never been this excited to move! We are still looking for a place (which eats up more of our free time) but the good thing is, there are always tons of places to rent in Savannah.

As far as my job goes, I am really liking it. I always have stuff to do and I get to make a lot of executive decisions, since I head up a department now. Unfortunately, within weeks of my arrival, my entire staff quit. Ha ha. No, it's not because of me. The first girl who quit already had the new job lined up before I was even hired. She kind of sucked anyway, so she's not missed, I can assure you. Among other things, she received a long list of books from a professor who wanted us to buy them for the library. She NEVER acknowledged this list, never looked at it, never got in touch w/the professor. The list sat on her desk for over a year before she gave it to me on her way out the door. And we wonder why we have crappy relationships with our faculty!! That made me so angry, because seriously, how hard is it to send a frigging email?? (I have since made sure we are purchasing ALL of the books and sent the prof a very long and apologetic email. Better late than never.)

The other girl in my department ROCKS. But she moved here from Boston last fall, hoping that her hubby would be able to eventually find a job down here (he's an architect), but that doesn't seem to be happening. Then, her MIL got cancer and it's not going well. So she is moving back to Boston to be with her hubby, which I completely understand. It just stinks, because she is a fantastic worker who I rely on time and time again. She was practically in tears when she put in her resignation a few weeks ago, but I told her that I completely understand and that I think she needs to be with her family. So it stinks, but that's the way the cookie crumbles.

So I have been spending large quantities of time reading resumes and applications for these two positions. I have got to tell you about that experience! Wowza. But I gotta go, guys. I was supposed to be in the shower fifteen minutes ago. Oops. Hope everyone is well!!! I will try to be better about blogging and reading everyone's blogs!!

Karma Has Some Serious Explaining to Do

2009-04-28T08:20:00.002-04:00

I think CN and I are paying for all of our past evil deeds here in Savannah. I'm beginning to wonder if this town is cursed. We had the weekend from hell.

Friday night, his Jeep was broken into. It sucked, but the good thing was that the perpetrator just unzipped his soft top, rather than cutting it, which would have been an expensive repair. And all they got were about 20 CDs. So as far as car break-ins go, it was as good as it gets. But you still get upset and feel violated. He was pretty pissed.

We didn't discover the break in until Saturday morning, as we were on our way to Columbia to move his stuff out of his house and bring it down to Savannah. Filing the police report delayed us by at least an hour. Yeah, we know it's kind of silly to file a police report over some stolen CDs, but CN's going to call his insurance company to see if he can get reimbursed. And who knows, maybe if a pattern pops up, having our report on file will help the police nab this guy.

We didn't start packing up the U-Haul until around noon. I was thinking it would take us maybe 4 hours to pack it up. But I didn't realize I was moving with the Dawdle Brothers, also known as my boyfriend and his buddy. They spent 2 and a half hours taking CN's washer and dryer over to his buddy's house. (It was his gift from us for helping us move.) We didn't finish packing until 9pm that night. For Pete's freaking sake.

Then on Sunday, I went to work (yes, I now work the occasional Sunday.) While I was at work, CN's mom called to tell him that she had looked out the back window of her house to see her dogs attacking her cat, so she ran out of the house to save her cat. On the way out the door, she had a bad fall and had skinned her knees, hurt her back, and cut open the back of her head. She probably should have gone to the emergency room to get checked out, but she couldn't because her husband is on his death bed. Yeah. CN's dad is not eating or speaking at this point, which is not a good sign. Not at all.

"What are you and Virginia doing this coming weekend?" she asked him.

CN told her that we are going to my cousin's wedding in Chicago.

She told him that is probably not a good idea and that she doesn't think he should go out of town right now, because of the state his dad's in.

So when I got home, CN told me that he's not going to the wedding, but I can go without him if I want. But I can't have fun without him! One of the reasons I was so excited to go was so that he can meet some of my extended family. And I can't enjoy myself, knowing that he's all bummed out about his dad. He still wants me to go, and The Czarina wants me to go (I am one of the few people from our branch of the family going to the wedding, so I need to represent, yo.), but I think I will feel guilty if I do. Besides, I hate driving in Atlanta and that's where I'm flying out.

So I really didn't know what to do yesterday. I'm looking at non-refundable tickets, a sick (practically) father-in-law, a bummed boyfriend and a favorite aunt who was REALLY looking forward to seeing me and meeting CN. Argh. I hate making choices like this. And the timing? Couldn't be worse. Not that there's a great time for his dad to get really sick.

I got home from work yesterday to find CN watching tv. And a kitchen full of clean dishes. Which made my day, because I HATE washing dishes by hand. He's the best, what can I say?

"How did you have time to wash the dishes?" I asked."Didn't you have to work today?"

"Nope. I called my boss and told her about my dad. She told me to go ahead and take the whole week off. I'm going to go see my family tomorrow, and I'll be there the rest of the week. Hopefully by Friday, I will know what's going on and how he's doing, and I might still be able to go to the wedding with you," he explained.

YAY! Er, maybe. I guess we will have to see. Something good has to happen, right? Aren't bad things only supposed to happen in 3s?

Growing Pains

2009-04-23T23:39:00.004-04:00

Just to clarify for everyone, I am not blogging right now so that I can talk about my boyfriend's "small wiener" because I "don't even like him anymore."

Ugh. This is all I am listening to until my drunk boyfriend goes to bed. It's like a frigging record player. He's joking when he says it, but he's slurring. Which would be funny. The first 43 times.

Oh crap. He just came in and read all of that over my shoulder. Now he's talking about how I "don't even like him anymore." Again. According to him, he is sleeping on the couch (he's not) because I hate him (I don't). Ooh, he turned on American Idol. Sweet. It's like my own personal boyfriend babysitter. Silence is golden. I can blog in peace.

*Mumblings about how I don't even like him because he has a small wiener are heard from the living room couch.*

"No, you don't have a small wiener. It's massive and I can barely handle it," I am saying.

He said something about buttholes. I don't know.

Gotta love this insight into our lives, huh? I am tired and he's drunk. Hence this weird post. We have this exact conversation anytime he has more than 4 beers. Luckily, you are not physically here with us, so you don't have to witness him grabbing my boobs and "massaging" (read: man-handling them like he's tenderizing a steak) them, which causes me to slap his hands away and tell him to leave me alone.

This inevitably leads to another slurring rant about how I don't like him and his theoretically small wiener. Only this time, since my stalker (yes, the same stalker) tried to friend me AGAIN on myspace today, he now follows it up with, "You probably want Sylvester's wiener!! I know it!!"

UGH.

This is actually a perfect intro for what I want to talk about today. I knew that since CN and I have always gotten along extremely well (it's kind of unreal, actually, how well we get along) that ...

"No, I am not blogging lies about you," I just yelled to him.

Negative mumblings from the couch.

"Yes, I do love you," I continue. Please go back to talking to Paula Abdul, I think to myself.

Where was I? Oh yes. I knew it would go pretty well, this whole moving in together thing. I knew we would not have any major problems. And we don't. But the devil's in the details, you know? Here are some things I have learned about him since this whole moving thing has taken place:

1. He gives new meaning to the label "pack rat". He makes me look like an amateur. I told him I'd help him pack up his stuff/get rid of stuff he doesn't want anymore. So we go to Columbia for the weekend to get started on packing his stuff. 15 garbage bags full of trash later, he realizes he doesn't have as much stuff as he thought and I realize he hasn't thrown anything away since the 12th grade. Who keeps notebooks full of notes from college classes????!!

2. He is apparently incapable of closing a shower curtain when he's done taking a shower. This irks the crap out of me, because you might as well tell Mr. and Mrs. Mildew to just sit down and make themselves comfortable on your plastic...

"No I don't! Your wiener is not small and ugly! I love you very much and I am not telling lies about you! Your wiener smells fine!! I'm not telling anyone that!"

Ok, anyway, you get what I'm saying about the wet shower curtain.

3. Did you know that the phrases "resealable packaging" and "to prevent them from drying out" are lost on some people? Yup. My boyfriend is one of them. Baby wipes, cleaning wipes, you name it. Left open to the air. Worthless.

4. He owns approximately 587 towels. Somewhere there is a 20 year old son of a cotton industry magnate, driving his own BMW paid for by my boyfriend's towel collection.

5. Did I mention that he only uses the towel once before they are "dirty"? Which is funny to me, because he only uses them to dry off his squeaky clean body when he gets out of the shower, which will soon be full of mildew, thanks to his inability to understand the concept of fungi. If you are doing the math, this is at least 7 "dirty" towels per week from him. This makes him a complete freak, in my book.

I am not singling out my boyfriend, though. Oh yes. I am also dealing with some harsh reality of self-reflection:

1. The discussion we had about Absurd Overusage of Bath Towels and Their Laundering made me realize that I had no earthly idea how long it had been since I had pulled out a clean towel for myself. If he's the freek, I'm the gross one. I don't know which is worse.

2. I am a little more possessive -- ok, selfish-- about my stuff and my space than I thought. I *ahem* haven't made much room for him in the closet. But only about 10% of his wardrobe needs ironing, whereas about half of mine does. Ok, maybe a third. Yes, his clothes are on the floor of the bedroom right now. In semi-organized piles. Yes, I am a jerk. But I have a plan and a day off, so things will change for him soon. And CN went to grab some pop tarts the other day, and I said, "Nonononononono!!! Those are for work day breakfasts only! It's one of the few things I can eat at my desk!!!" -- Seriously? I am telling this to my 30 year old boyfriend, who not only washed all 587 of his "dirty" towels, but also my dirty clothes? AND folded them? I am telling him that he can't have a pop tart? Was I even listening to myself?

3. Why. The. Fuck. Do. I. Have. So many. Damn. Shoes. Jesus tapdancing Christ, did they reproduce in the U-Haul on the way down here? I remember looking at my old closet and thinking, "Gosh, 70 pairs isn't really that many. I could totally get more shoes. I have collection gaps, definitely." And now, I want to chuck them ALL because I am sick and tired of trying to store them creatively.

Ok, I'm sure there are more things I could add to this list, but let's face it, my self-critiquing skills are not exactly well-honed. And this is my blog. I told him to get his own, where he can bitch about how messy I am and how I don't seem to understand that expiration dates on food are for safety, not gambling with food, or as I like to call them, "adventures in eating". But he doesn't listen.

Besides, now it's time for me to give you the Ghetto Update.

Last Sunday afternoon, I was at work. (Yes, now I get to work occassional Sundays. I don't want to talk about it.) CN calls me. He was looking out the back window of our place, where he saw a group of teenagers sitting on our back stoop. This would only be mildly irritating, because it's just some harmless trespassing, except for the simple fact they were PASSING AROUND A HANDGUN. Which was the reason he was calling me.

"That's it. We are moving out. It's final. This is the last straw," he said.

I agreed, but questioned why he was talking to me and not a local 911 emergency dispatcher.

"Oh. Cuz they left already," he said.

GAH.

And to add rainbow colored candy sprinkles to this ice cream sundae from hell that is our living situation, Sammy has been bringing home fleas from our walks. So this place is a ticking time bomb, probably full of cazillions of little jumping, biting fuckers, marinating in their little wicked egg cocoon pods, counting down the moment until they get to microscopically turn our bodies into Swiss cheese.

Must. Move. Soon. Please. Send. Help.

I'm Alive!

2009-03-29T08:33:00.003-04:00

Alright, I'm sure I am now down to two readers, but that's what I get for being MIA for a month, right? Oh well. I was thinking about making this blog public again, anyway.

Let me try and summarize the last month:

My new job, like all jobs, has its good things and its bad things. I like my boss and the girl who works for me a LOT. They rock, actually. A lot of my coworkers are cool, too. Like everywhere, though, I have to deal with a couple of douchebags, like this one lazy guy who balks at helping anyone else out and Miss Passive Aggressive, who loves to come down to my office and imply that I am incompetent and/or inflexible with the schedule (this is because I will not make everyone else work around her schedule). Of course, she does this under the guise of being "concerned". Argh. If there is one type of person I don't get along with, it's passive aggressive types. That kind of behavior irks the crap out of me.

My department, which was at 75% capacity, has recently been reduced to 50% capacity with the resignation of this one girl who worked for me. I tell you what, though, she was good riddance. She did nothing but create more work for me an the other girl in my department. But her leaving means she and I have to do a LOT more work, so I will be slammed at work until further notice: working extra nights, extra Sundays, teaching extra classes....oh well. Hopefully we will find a replacement soon.

But that's all well and good. Normal stuff that is to be expected. What is really bizarre is how uber-controlling this school is. Maybe it's because I am used to working in the public sector, but I feel like I am a member of the Savannah Mafia or something. Actually, it's more like a Nazi regime. My first realization came when I had to deal with the Communications Dept. Now, I understand that the school wants to have an "image" and I completely grasp and support the notion of "branding". But to tell me that I cannot print out a flyer that would -- gasp! -- help students find something in the library because that's not the "look" they want in the library is pretty ridiculous. Last time I checked, it's pretty difficult to operate a library without any frigging signs or information for its users.

Now, this goes for everything. Signs, handouts, flyers, bookmarks we make -- everything has to get "approval" from about 3 people. Then it has to be designed by someone else (who has no idea how I need it to look in order for it to work). This process takes three weeks. If I'm lucky.

This is the same department who printed up my business cards and told me I had to pick them up at their office. The stupid part is that they are open the same times I am at work. So that meant I had to go pick them up on my lunch break. Fine. Whatever. Screw interoffice mail, right? So I spend half my lunch break walking over there, only to be informed that they have sent the cards to the library already, via interoffice mail. "Well, don't you think that as the Communications Department, you should have communicated that to me before I spent my lunch break walking all the way over here?" I said. The girl just stared back at me and blinked. I turned and walked out.

The IT department is just as bad. I am not allowed to download so much as a plugin on my computer without -- again -- getting approval and submitting forms. Heck, I can't even pick my own desktop background or screensaver. I have to use theirs. If I want Microsoft 2007 installed on my computer, I have to submit an approval form, get approved, then attend a mandatory 3 hour training session, and then they would install it on my computer. Are. You. Kidding. Me.

It took me 3 weeks to get a key to my office. Three weeks! It was just sitting around somewhere. All I had to do was sign for it. Sounds simple, right? Not really. It was held in a building so far away that I had to drive to it. And, as usual, the building was only open during the same times I have to be at work. So I had to scramble over there, the whole time wondering, "Why don't they just keep the library keys in the library, since that's where they are just going to be going to anyway??" I tell ya, the state agency I used to work for aint' got shit on the major inefficiencies going on at this private school.

I still haven't gotten my code for the photocopier (each person gets a personal code, which is odd to me, as it seems a departmental code would be sufficient) or my code for dialing long distance on my desk phone. This also is odd to me, as it's the type of phone which operates over an internet connection, so there is no such thing as a long distance number. I soon realized that this is because they want to know what numbers I am calling. Whoa.

But Big Brother goes far, far beyond my little long distance code. If you are a new employee, you are often put in touch with a particular real estate company -- they have some sort of a deal worked out. This seems like a potential conflict of interest to me. I have heard that they also have their fingers in other pies: with the police force, with city concil...

If you do a google search for my school, you will find absolutely nothing negative about it. Not a blog, not a news article, not a press release. Everything out there is positive. Don't you think that is kind of odd? Especially when the girl who had my job before me sued the school for firing her improperly? (I have yet to find out why this woman was fired. No one is giving me a legitimate answer. It sounds very fishy to me.) And the guy who used to have my boss's job was fired for stealing thousands of dollars worth of items from the library? Or that last week the president's husband, who is the CEO or something for the college, was brought up on embezzlement charges or something? And that there was a group of students who sued the school, too? How the hell is this stuff not reaching the press???

The only thing I have found that even hints at being negative is an interview between the local paper and the president of the school a couple years back. The reporter asks if she thinks the school has moved past all its problems in the early '90s. She doesn't want to talk about it. She just says she wants to focus on the future. I have no idea what all these problems were in the early '90s. Neither does anyone else -- almost everyone at my library is new. Apparently, when the last director was busted for stealing a bunch of shit, a lot of people went down with him. They bascially cleaned house. Only a couple of people made it out of the fray -- and one of them was demoted in the process. And of course, the old timers aren't saying a word about what really went down. So to say there's been a lot of turnover is putting it lightly. (And as you can imagine, makes everything that much more difficult for the new people -- we are all trying to fix departments that have been screwed up for some time.)

Anyway, that's a glimpse into the type of work environment I am dealing with. I'm sure there will be more. I will share with you then.

Let's talk about the rest of things in my life. I havent' been blogging, because I can't afford to have internet at my place, and let's face it: I would be pretty stupid to blog from work in this job. But CN is moving in very soon (the 2nd week of April!!), so we will get it then. Yay!

As far as my apartment goes....it sucks. I have very little storage and a lot of wasted square footage. Since the house is old, it doesn't heat or cool evenly, leaving me shivering on the couch most of the time. (MJ got me a snuggie, which rocks for this particular problem!) And since the windows are old, any noise made outside sounds like it is actually inside.

Which brings me to my neighborhood. Thus far, I have had to deal with the college kids next door who like to throw parties in their backyard. This would be totally fine with me if their backyard was not underneath my bedroom window and if they threw their parties on nights when I didn't have to go to work the next day. The morning of St. Patrick's Day (my only day off from work until further notice), I was awoken at 6:50am by firecrackers just outside my bedroom window. WTF. I got up, jerked up my window blinds, and scared the crap out of the college kid next door. I yelled, "Can you please stop that?!!!" He gave me a deer-in-headlights look and apologized profusely and then went inside. (Yes, I heard what he said. That's how much I can hear through these old windows.) He's lucky I didn't kick his ass for throwing a kegger in his backyard only 2 nights previously. On a Sunday night. I ended up sleeping in my bathroom that night -- it's the only quiet room in my place.

But this is child's play compared to the other stuff I have had to deal with. There have been fist fights in the street, drunk people yelling at all hours of the night, domestic violence disputes, all kinds of crazy and loud noises, lots and lots of sirens, a car chase, trash thrown in my yard and my own personal favorite: the gunshots in my backyard the other night. Yeah, my neighborhood is super fun.

I have to say, though, that the cops have a really great response time. It's impressive, actually. I know, because I peek out of my window blinds when stuff happens, and I dont' stop looking until a cop shows up. And when the cops arrive, it's not just one car. It's like, four. So that does make me feel a little bit better. But not much.

I do not go outside when the sun goes down. I might go to Target or something, but never late. and I definitely can't take walks or anything like that after it gets dark. That would be a really bad idea. Have you ever had to live like that? Let me tell you what, you feel like a prisoner. For the most part, I get home from work and do not go back outside until I leave for work the next day. It is stressful and boring and frustrating.

I know it all sounds negative, but I do love seeing all the beautiful buildings and I love walking to/from work. During the daytime, it's totally safe, even in my neighborhood. And most of my problems with my neighborhood have more to do with noise than safety. I am getting used to the noise, and the sound machine CN got me helps, too.

As soon as either CN or I can find a renter for our house(s), we are moving to a safer and quieter neighborhood. A house with enough room for both of us and storage for our stuff. And electrical outlets. (I have one outlet in my living room. It is a royal pain in the ass.) And a backyard, rather than an alley full of dirt and overflowing trashcans.

It is probably no surprise to you that I have been wondering if I made the right decision. But I think I will end up really liking my job and liking Savannah. I think that like some first dates, you just get off on the wrong foot. I've gotta give it a second chance. And that will take some time.

Thanks for reading, guys. I will hopefully be back to blogging on a more regular basis soon.

Catch You on the Flip Side

2009-02-20T15:29:00.003-05:00

Hey, guys! Well, I have been packing my brains out all week. I tell ya, I remember the good ol' days when I was in college, and I didn't have any furniture, and all my stuff fit into 10 large boxes. I didn't even need help to move.

Now, it's an entirely different ball game! I am leaving to go pick up my U-Haul here in a few, but just wanted to post really quickly.

I have read all of your comments (they are all emailed to me), but I really don't have time to reply to all of them, other than to say thank you to all of you for your support. It's a little scary to have this much going on at once, and I'm worried I will f**k something up, but in a month or so, I think I'll be ok.

We still haven't heard when CN will get his job transferred down to Savannah so he can move in with me. Hopefully, it will be soon. We have been across the street from each other for a year and a half, so this will be a big adjustment for us.

If you remember correctly, I told him that we have to either be engaged or have a wedding date picked out before he can move in with me. Since the ring is still in Belgium, with my aunt, which makes proposing rather difficult, we went ahead and set a date: June 26, 2010. Which also happens to be my dad's birthday. I have always wanted to get married on his birthday, since he won't be there to walk me down the aisle.

So that is pretty exciting!!! It gives us time to save up and plan everything. Er, it gives my mom time to plan everything (she's already going into overdrive-control-freak mode). Once I get settled down in Savannah, I will start checking out wedding magazines, I guess. I dunno. Most of y'all are married. What do you recommend as far as how best to get started on planning? Any advice???

I don't know when I will be able to blog again. I have to see what my new job is like. Right now, at this job, I have tons of down time, so it's ok. But who knows what my new job will be like? I will try to get to the public library sometime so I can update y'all on stuff. But that might be a while. It would be great if CN could move in quickly -- he has a brand new, super-fast computer and I could blog from his all the time.

Anyway, we will see. Ok, guys. I gotta go. Wish me luck, and I'll get back to you (and catch up on your blogs!!) as soon as possible!

My New Home, Part 3

2009-02-17T13:32:00.024-05:00

Do you want the good news or the bad news first? How about bad.

You know how when you leave a job, you usually get to cash in your unused vacation time? Ok, well I just went to HR today to do the whole exit procedure stuff and I found out that instead of getting to cash out what I thought would end up being 19 days of vacation time, I will only get to cash out 6. Without going into all the details as to why, I will just say that I do not accrue vacation time at this job. I have a designated amount that I have to use up by the end of the year (our year runs from July - June). So I really shot myself in the foot by showing up to work all these past months. In fact, if I had used up all my vacation time by now, I would still be able to cash in on those 6 particular days.

So to say I'm disappointed is putting it lightly. I am kind of pissed. Plus, I could have really used the money from cashing in 19 days. But at least I get 6. Oh well.

But the good news is, since I can't cash it in (ie, take it with me, so to speak), I might as well use up as much of it as I can before I go. So I'm taking off most of the rest of the week. Which works out pretty well, considering I have umpteen things to do before I move on Saturday.

Alright. Enough of that. I wanted to share pics of the interior of my new place w/y'all. I created a virtual floorplan on floorplanner.com (free!) so you can see the layout of my place.

I went ahead and put in some virtual furniture, too, just to make it more realistic. Ok, so now that you have a feel for what it looks like, let me show you the photos. I'm showing you the pics in the order you'd see the rooms if you parked behind the house and enter thru the backdoor, which is the door I will be using for the most part. This first one is the dining and/or entryway. It will probably end up being CN's office. It's the first thing you see when you walk in the back door.
Next, to your right is the kitchen. I really like the cabinets -- each upper one has 4 shelves! I need that, since I have so much cooking stuff. The door you see is open -- that's where the pantry is. I heart pantries. Notice the lack of dishwasher. :(
If you are leaving the kitchen, this is what you see.
Going back through the entryway, you next enter my living room, modeled here by the lovely MJ. Check out that fireplace! I am in love with my fireplaces. Yay for architectural/historical detailing!!! :) Boo for this room only having one electrical outlet. :( Although as I pointed out, this makes TV placement a no-brainer. LOL! I will be putting my couch under the window, because the TV has to go in the opposite corner.
Next, you proceed to the bedroom. Gotta love those gorgeous floors and the big picture window. I think I will put my bed under it.
The other side of my room has a nice-sized closet, again modeled by the lovely MJ. As you can see, she's as excited about it as I am. And no, I am not prepared to share this closet with CN. I will cross that bridge when I get to it. Still need to figure out where to put 60 pairs of shoes.....hmmmm....
The other corner has my bedroom fireplace. This is a close-up. Both of my fireplaces are original to the house--only the tile surround is new. But only the bedroom fireplace has the original mirror as well.

Alright, now if you were to come in through the front door instead of the back door, you would be entering my hallway. The doors on the right are as follows: bedroom, living room, and then straight ahead is my bathroom (you can see my sink and shower/tub combo -- the toilet is to the left, but you can't see it in this shot). The door on the left is the laundry area, of which I forgot to take a photo. So use your imagination.

Continuing down the hall, you will enter the bathroom, part of which is pictured here. Yay for linen closets!!!

And last but not least, here's a cool shot. If you were to stand on my front porch, facing the street, and look to your right, here's what you would see:

I love how all the porches line up like that. I think it is so cool and old-fashioned. The house closest is where the students live. I mentioned them in the last post.

Alright, I also dug up some photos I took when CN and I went to Savannah last fall. Better late than never, right? It's funny what you find when you decide to finally put all your pics onto your computer. :P
This is a really cool drain spout I saw in Savannah.
Savannah has buildings from just about every time period and architectural style.
It will take me months before I pick out my favorite house in town.
It was love at first sight when it came to the trees. Live oaks grow very large, and the branches are very gnarled and arching. Throw in some Spanish moss hanging from the trees like cobwebs, and it's basically impossible to shake the romantic, spooky and fairy-tale-like aura of the town.
This is The Olde Pink House. It was originally a home built in the late 1700s, but now it's a restaurant. It's haunted. Trivia fact: it was not meant to be pink. They had red brick and covered it with white stucco, but the brick bled through, turning the stucco pink. But the name stuck, so they kept it pink.

Seriously, I can't stop taking photos of these trees, y'all.
This building is called the Cotton Exchange. I don't think there's much exchanging going on these days. It's currently vacant. On the other side of this building is the Savannah River. Lots of bars, tourist traps and restaurants, too.
This is City Hall. One of the nicest-looking city halls I've seen in a while. The dome was only painted gold in the last few years. It's really pretty in the sunshine.
You may know that downtown Savannah has a series of squares placed periodically throughout the blocks and rows of old homes. I think there are 24 of them, and it's really nice to break up the streets with mini-parks. These last 2 are photos from Chippewa Square, where a big statue of General Oglethorpe stands. He founded Savannah in 1733. Trivia fact: he is facing South, because Savannah was founded by the English as a way to defend its borders from the Spanish, who were in nearby Florida at the time. So he is turned to face his enemy.

If you want to know more about Savannah, here's info about its history, Gen. Oglethorpe and the Squares. You can also watch Midnight in the Garden of Good and Evil, which gives you a good feel for the city today, in addition to being a really good movie.

My New Home, Part 2

2009-02-16T16:13:00.003-05:00

I was a little worried about the location of my new place in Savannah. There are certain roads you shouldn't live near if you want to feel safe, and I am a block away from one, and a block away from another. If I were one block east or south of where I am, I would be in an iffy part of town.

Keep in mind that the couple moving in above me won't be there for another 3 weeks after I move in. It will be just me and Sammy at first, all alone in the new place.

Math time!

One big, old empty house
living on the edge of the safe part of town
+ my overactive imagination
-------------------------------
= major panic.

Who knows an area better than the people who live there, right? I mean, after being in Columbia for 6 years, I can tell anyone where to live and where to avoid. So I hit up some Savannah message boards to gather some opinions about the level of safety I could expect.

EVERY person (there were about 10) who replied told me that if I can get out of my lease, I should. The phrases "not a good area at all" and "I would not want my daughter to live there" and "wouldn't be able to find a less desirable location if you tried" were used. Oh dear. That's not good.

So last week, I basically freaked out and thought about breaking my lease. Or buying a gun. Or a very large German Shepherd with a nasty temper. Or a taser. Or something. Anything. All I could think was "I am alone, on the ground floor and it would not be very difficult to break into my house if you were a very large and very violent bad guy. I am toast. I might as well start preparing myself to be beaten up, robbed and gang-banged." After he stopped teasing me about being so paranoid, I made CN promise to stay with me for a few days once I move in.

Luckily, MJ calmed me down a LOT and reminded me that I will probably be fine and that there's no way to 100% avoid crime anywhere you live. She lived in a really REALLY bad part of town when she first moved to Columbia, and she had no problems. Just because you might live near some sketchy areas doesn't meat you're guaranteed to be a crime victim. And just because you're in a nice part of time doesn't mean you won't be a target, either. She said the message board people were probably trying to freak me out and all of them probably live in a cushy suburb somewhere. One man's ghetto is another man's "oh, this is fine."

And the most common crime in my part of downtown is car break-ins. (I looked it up on the police dept website) Which probably won't happen to me, because I drive a friggin Pontiac Vibe and all I keep in there are some scratched up CDs. I'm not much of a target.

So I asked my landlord if I could install some motion-detector lights, and he said yes. I asked MJ if I could borrow her super-scary chocolate lab mix, Nabisco. She said yes. I felt that would be good, but if I started to feel a little nervous, I would think about getting a taser or a home security system.

Yesterday, MJ and I went down to Savannah so she could see my place and I could start moving some of my stuff in, get my key, think about where my furniture will go, etc. Once we were all done, we took a walk, grabbed some lunch and came back to the house. We sat on the front steps and watched the neighborhood for a while. We didn't see anything scary or sketchy. It was actually very very quiet. We went back inside and were about to leave when we heard a commotion outside. It was a group of kids. Two of them were having a fist fight in the middle of the street! These kids were maybe in middle school. After a little noise, a bunch of people came outside to see what was going on, and one of the moms in the building across the street broke it up. It was maybe 30 seconds of craziness. No biggie.

I took advantage of the situation and introduced myself to a neighbor and began asking questions about the safety of the neighborhood. "You just witnessed the worst thing I've seen since I moved here," he said. WHEW! That was good to hear! "Everyone on this street expects everyone else to look out for each other," he continued. The street was about half renters, half owner-occupied. Which is a good mix, I think.

He introduced me to a few more neighbors, and they all said they felt fine living there. They had never seen any crimes or anything unusual or dangerous. The iffy-looking building across the street was full of low-income families -- lots of single moms with kids who never bothered anyone. They said I had nothing to worry about, as long as I don't do anything stupid (like leave my doors unlocked) or showy. (Not like I have any fancy gadgets to be showy with!) My house is surrounded by college kids with irregular schedules who throw house parties on the weekends. If their parents can sleep at night knowing their kids are ok, then I can, too.

So I feel a LOT better. But I'm still going to borrow one of CN's golf clubs and put up motion detector lights. Just in case.

My New Home

2009-02-13T15:56:00.006-05:00

One more thing about ring info: so we were worried about getting the ring, which is currently in Belgium, over to the United States without paying major customs duties. Then my mom found out that her friend is vacationing in Europe in March. So my aunt is going to just meet up with her to give her the ring while she's on vacation. Problem solved! Yay!

Ok, on to other big news: my new place in Savannah. Last weekend, I went down to Savannah with CN to look at places. We stopped at a property management place to get keys so we could go check out some places.

"Ok, which properties do you want to go see?" the lady behind the desk asked.

"510 Price....203 E. Gwinnet..." I said, reading off their list of properties for rent.

As CN and I were figuring all of this out, a girl about my age walked in with her mom and her sister. They walked up to the desk and had the same conversation with the lady.

The girl recited the same addresses we did! We laughed about it, and then decided that hey -- we might as well carpool! So we all piled into CN's car (he has GPS, which came in very handy) and started looking at places. We had SO much fun! I learned that she is a newlywed whose hubby is going to be a student at the school where I'm going to be working. She's moving up from Orlando and is just a little bit younger than me. She and I really hit it off. She's totally adorable!

Most of the places were total dumps. I'm talking visibly slanted floors, back doors that literally do not close, washers/dryers in the middle of the kitchen, leaking ceilings, wobbly staircases, you name it. It began to be really funny and we all started just making fun of the places. Each one was worse than the last.

As we were finishing up looking at places, she said she had another appointment at 2pm to look at a place I hadn't heard about. I asked her if we could tag along, and she said sure. So after we split up for lunch, we met her at the 2pm appointment. The guy there showed us around here. While it was a lot nicer than anything else we'd seen that day, he could tell that none of us were blown away. They were a little cramped for my liking. And since they were new construction, I was a little let down. I really had my heart set on living in an old house.

So after showing us around, the guy said, "Ok, I was planning on trying to sell it as condos, but I'm not getting a lot of bites in this market. So would you like to see the house I bought and restored? I've decided to rent it out. It's not part of this organization. It's my own personal thing and it's a block from here."

"Sure!" we replied.

We walked down to a yellow house, built around the turn of the century. The bottom floor has a one-bedroom place for me and a 2 bedroom place for the other girl and her hubby. There's off-street parking and the rent was about $100 cheaper than other places on the same street. We are 4 blocks from Forsyth Park and about 2 blocks from the grocery store. I can still walk to work, too. Plus, it's JUST been re-done. No creepy bathroom or old appliances.

We walked in, I took one look at the gorgeous hardwood floors and the beautiful decorative fireplaces and the normal-sized kitchen (a rarity in downtown Savannah!) and shouted, "SOLD!"

The other girl took one look at the upstairs place and fell in love, too. So we are housemates! Isn't that so weird how we just randomly met like that??? And she is so cool!

What's even weirder is that this is not the first time this has happened to her! The last time she went apartment shopping, she met a girl in the rental office and they ended up being roommates and very good friends! They lived together for 6 years before she got married last year. The girl was even in her wedding! Very strange.

So we go back to the office to sign the leases with this guy, who is extremely nice. "Oh! I need to call and cancel my next appointment. I was going to go look at a house over on Lincoln street, but I guess I don't need to now," she said.

"Wait....1003 Lincoln St.?" I said.

"Are you the 4:30 appointment?" she asked.

"Are you the 4:00 one?" I asked.

We burst into giggles.

Anyway, here are photos of our house. I'm on the bottom, she's on the top. (Ooh, that sounds pervy! Tee hee!). I took photos of the inside, but they are on her camera, and I'm waiting for her to email them to me. This is all I have for now. The first one is the front of the house, the 2nd one is the back of it:
There's hooks on the ceiling of the front porch where we can hang a porch swing! Woo hoo!
And yes, he's going to landscape/pave this so it's not just dirt. Those 2 windows on the bottom floor are my kitchen.

Yay! We have been calling and messaging each other on facebook already. She likes to cook! And drink coffee! And she has a dog!

This is so awesome.

Or so I thought. Stay tuned....

Ring Update

2009-02-10T12:00:00.004-05:00

Oh dear. Where to begin? So much has happened in the last 4 days....

So Friday night after work, CN and I looked at some rings in a couple of jewelry stores. I tried on some Tacori look-alikes, and I was very sad to realize that they didn't look right on me! They were too bulky. Designs that intricate mandate a bigger ring, and I have fairly small and delicate hands. So they were beautiful, but just very awkward-looking on me.

Instead, I fell in love with a much simpler white gold design: a 3/4 carat center stone (round, white diamond, prong-set), with .10 carat prong-set round yellow diamonds on either side. On the other side of the yellow diamonds were teeny-tiny prong-set white diamonds, stopping about halfway down the ring. (My suspicions were correct -- the eternity bands, where the diamonds make a full circle around your finger, are uncomfortable!) All in all, the ring would be around $5k, which is reasonable, I think.

I could not find an exact replica on the jewelry store's website, but this is pretty close. Just pretend the little ones on either side of the center stone are yellow:

While I wanted to keep looking, because-- hello!-- ring shopping is super fun, this one ended up being my favorite one out of three stores. It looked the most proportionate to my hand, it was comfortable, it wasn't outrageously expensive, and it felt like "me".

CN and the jewelry store guy did some number crunching, and if CN financed the whole thing, the monthly payments would be around $250.

"That's the same amount I pay on my Jeep every month," he said, thinking out loud.

"Hmm. Go figure," I replied, deadpan.

"I need to get rid of it anyway. I never drive it, and I use my company car anyway. And parking is so bad in downtown Savannah. We really don't need three cars..." he continued.

I just nodded in agreement.

He did seem a little freaked out about the whole process, but he said it was because he always gets nervous whenever he spends a large amount of money at one time. He assured me it wasn't because he didn't want to marry me or wasn't ready yet. I wanted to make sure. So when we got home, I talked to him a little bit more. I just wanted to be sure he was really ready to take this next step and start moving forward. I told him that if he wasn't ready, this was the time to tell me. I also said that if he didn't feel comfortable buying an expensive ring right now, he can get me a cheaper one -- the cost of the ring wasn't as important to me as being engaged was. I explained that I didn't want him resenting me later if he felt uncomfortable with buying something like that. "No, no, I want to get you something you like! Something nice! It's just that with both of us moving and our mortgages...money is just kind of crazy right now, and I am just not seeing how this is all going to work."

I agreed. So I told him that it's no big deal -- he can just get his own place when he moves to Savannah and we can figure it out later. I told him we can put it off and just live together later. He can take his time and save up his money. No biggie. Which works fine, anyway, since we don't know when he'll be joining me in Savannah. Could be months from now.

Well, he surprised the heck out of me. He put his Jeep, his drum set and his guitar on craigslist yesterday! Woo hoo! He must not be as freaked out about all of this as I thought! Yay!!!

Of course, I had to email the above pic to The Czarina to show her what I liked and tell her everything. I guess I shouldn't have been surprised when she called me soon after and said, "So, can I tell everyone that you are engaged????!!"

"Uh, well, no. I don't have a ring and he hasn't asked me yet, Mom, so no." I answered.

"And he hasn't called me to ask my permission yet, either," she noted with a tone of sarcasm.

"I know, Mom. I told him he has to call you before he can ask me," I said.

"I am just so baffled as to what is going on, though. I mean, you're doing it all backwards. He's supposed to ask first, then you go pick out the ring. I'm very confused," she went on.

"Well, Mom, he really didn't know exactly what all was involved with getting engaged. He thought he just needed to get me a $200 wedding band and we just go get married," I said.

"He's right. Why not? The ring's not the important part. He can get you a gemstone one that's cheaper. I mean, what are you waiting for, anyway?" she said.

"I know, Mom. I agree. I told him all of that. But he's a guy, and he wants to save up his money, so I had to show him how much these things cost, and what kind of ring I like, because he had no idea," I replied.

As you can probably tell, she's ready for me to get married yesterday. The woman is chomping at the bit to be a grandma. All her friends' kids are married with babies, and I know she feels left out. She has really surprised me. I knew she would get like this, but I didn't realize it would be so soon. He hasn't even proposed! Sheesh! Calm down!

So one trip to a jewelry store has turned my mom into a monster. She's already more obsessed than I am. I keep getting emails and voicemails with ideas for how we can consider ourselves engaged without him having to buy a nice engagement ring: "Tell him to just get you a gemstone one!" "Go check out estate sales!" "All these jewelry stores are having sales right now!" "Just get a little one for now. You can upgrade later!" "Just set the date and get the ring later!"

Jeez, Louise!

Just for the heck of it, I did look at a calendar and realized that the last Saturday in June 2010 is my dad's birthday -- the 26th. Since he won't be there to walk me down the aisle, I have always wanted to get married on his birthday. So this date actually works perfectly. I told CN about that and he said, "Sounds good to me." :)

When I got to work this morning, I saw an email from The Czarina in my inbox. "Oh boy. Here we go," I thought. I clicked on it. Well, it pretty much made my day. Apparently, she was too excited to keep it all bottled up, and she must have called her sister last night, because the email essentially told me this:

"I talked to Aunt M. last night. Told her about you and CN going ring shopping. She told me to tell you two to stop shopping right away -- she has your grandmother's ring, and was going to give it to you anyway, since you're named after her. She said she might as well give it to you now. So you can have that ring. It's a platinum solitaire. Love, Mom"

My Aunt M never had any children, so it does make sense that she would eventually give me the ring. But I had forgotten all about it! I have always hoped for a family ring, but never thought it was possible. This ring in particular is especially sentimental for me, because I am named after this particular grandmother, but I never met her. So this was really great news!!! I am so excited to have a family ring. I've seen it before, but aside from remembering that I like it, I can't remember what it looks like. I think it's a pretty simple setting, with a generous diamond. I will keep it exactly how it is, though. I get to have a really neat connection to a grandma I never got to meet. That is the best kind of ring, I think. And I know CN is relieved to hear that he won't have to stress out about finding a way to buy one. :)

YAY!!! This is so great. I must have cashed in all my karma chips or something, because lately I have been feeling like I have won the lottery. How could life get any better?

Rings I Like

2009-02-06T14:02:00.003-05:00

Y'all, I don't know why you even read my blog. Seriously. I never get around to read anyone's anymore, it seems. I feel really guilty about it. I promise I will get to it soon!!!! My life is just really bonkers right now!!!

Ok, so CN had major sticker shock when I sent these to him, but I figured I could at least show him my dream rings, right??? OMG I am beyond in love with Tacori rings....click on "multi-view" to get a better look.

Like this one.

And this one.

Or this one.

But I think this one is probably my favorite!!! Yeah, it's pretty safe to say that I'm obsessed with Tacori. Unfortunately, I will probably never get one. :(

I'm hoping we can find a Tacori-look-alike for a much smaller price. I know there are some Scott Kay ones out there that are similar and more affordable. And there's a jewelry store in town that is going out of business, so we are going tonight to go check it out. They are having a lot of great deals. (If anyone has any tips for buying good rings at a discount, please let me know!)

Basically, I want either a round or oval diamond, either a solitaire or a 3-stone, and I want an intricate band of some kind. I really like that Art Deco 1920s look. I want my ring to look antique. I don't care so much if it's white gold or platinum. Does that make any sense?

Also, to my female readers -- do you have a ring that has diamonds all the way around the band, or carving around the whole band? Because I really like the look, but I'm worried that it will irritate the insides of my fingers, and maybe I should have a band with all the stuff just on the top, so the underside of the band is smooth and non-irritating. I'm thinking long-term comfort, you know. :)

I didn't realize it, but it turns out that CN's mom doesn't have an engagement ring. She and her hubs just went and got married. But I suspect it may have been because it was the second marriage for both of them. Anyway, CN is so funny. He honestly thought engagement rings were like $800, including the wedding band and a decent-sized diamond. I guess you can tell he's never been engaged before, huh?

Poor CN. He had major sticker shock! LOL He was like, "That's the price, just for the setting???"

"Well, babe, you're supposed to spend 3 months salary, is what I've always heard," I replied.

"That's like.....a car!" he exclaimed.

"Yes, but I think that this is a much better investment, don't you? I mean, look at what you get!" I replied, trailing my hands over my body like a product model from The Price is Right. "It's a steal, really, if you think about it."

"Babe, I hate to tell you this, but it might be awhile before I can get one of those for you," he exclaimed. "With us moving...I'm going to have to save up for a while to get that."

After making some self-depricating jokes about how I guess I'm not worth it, he started laughing and telling me I'm crazy and silly. I told him that I will take whatever he can afford and that we can probably find something similar at a lower price. (My mom had the idea of maybe getting a big gemstone ring instead, which is an idea I like. I kind of want something different anyway. I saw a girl on tv once who got a pearl engagement ring. It was pretty cool.)

"Babe, the cost of the ring is not what's important to me. As long as it's a style I like, I'm good. I dont' want you to buy a big ring and then resent me for it later. I'll take what you can afford," I explained.

"You will? Cool!" he exclaimed. "Cubic zirconia from K-Mart it is!"

"That's not funny, CN."

Ring in the New Year?

2009-02-04T16:45:00.004-05:00

Update: CN's job transfer to Savannah isn't finalized, but his boss said it looks "promising", whatever that means. He and I did some number crunching, and it really just makes so much financial sense for us to go ahead and shack up, dammit. We both have mortgages and we may not get renters for a few months. There's no way I could afford rent AND a mortgage on my own. (I am not getting that big of a raise!) Besides, we all know how bad I am with money. *ahem* So I am going to have to suck it up and hope that CN will eventually buy the cow, instead of only enjoying the free milk, if you get my drift.

And I am not 100% comfortable with it. I know what you are saying/thinking: "I did it with my man, and now we're married! Don't worry!" or "It's no big deal. He loves you. You will totally get married, so just chill and go with the flow." or "You never really know someone until you live with them. This will give you insight into your marriage!" or "Marriage, schmarriage! You need the 2nd income! Be glad you're on such good terms with your future roommate!"

Which are all valid comments. But I worry. What if one year of living together turns into three...five...eight...and I turn into Little Miss Where Is My Ring??? I don't want to be that girl. With the bitching and the nagging and the ultimatums. But I will eventually get there, I know it. I already have days where I want to scream at him, "What are you waiting for???!!!!" And I always joke that I am free on Saturday afternoon if he wants to run down to the courthouse.

Also, what if we break up? (Ok, at this point, it's extremely unlikely-- laughable, actually -- but still. It could happen!) Then I am stuck with a 12-month lease on my own. Ouch.

My point is, I want some security. Preferrably in the form of a large gemstone on that all-important finger. I want him to put his money where his mouth is. I have been trying to stay calm and trust that he will do it one day like he says he will. I have made him promise that it will be before my ovaries shrivel and before my boobs are down to my knees. But that's about as much as I have said. Deep down inside, I am scared of being left high and dry or turning into a shrill bitch.

And living with a man is something I always imagined doing after I got married. I guess I'm just old-fashioned. CN thinks shacking up is a no-brainer and he's not getting why I'm freaking out about it. I tell him it's because he doesn't have a uterus. Which puts a puzzled expression on his face.

When CN asked me a few weeks ago, "Could we live together if we got engaged? Or does it have to be marriage?" I didn't really know what to say. I hadn't thought about that option. But that's a decent amount of commitment. I know, in the logical part of my brain, that he's not going anywhere. He's in it for the long haul. But that lobe in my brain, the one in charge of "What if?", is buzzing with paranoia, and I can't shut it up. Triggered by his question, that worrysome lobe began quivering, and I almost blurted out, "No! Marry me, you commitment-phobe! What the hell?! We are perfect together! Stop stalling!"

But then I remembered: moving to Savannah was my idea. Not his. And he's totally down for going, no questions asked. Moving farther away from his family. Selling or renting his house. All the personal, financial and material upheaval that comes with living in a new place. He's down for it. Because he knows it's what I want and that it will make me happy. (It will make him happy, too, don't get me wrong -- he wanted to move there, too. In like 3 years. Not 3 months. LOL)

So I said, "Yes. We can live together if we are engaged."

And then I let it drop. I didn't push it anymore. In fact, with all the talking about moving, I kind of put it in the back of my head and decided that I would worry about that later. If we got engaged first, great, if not, oh well. In other words, I was totally caving on the issue. (Shhh! Don't tell him that.)

So imagine my surprise when last night, as I was cleaning up after our dinner of bean and cheese quesadillas. CN grabbed my hands and said, "Are you ok with living with me?"

And again, I didn't really know what to say. I was....mostly. I said, "Well, I mean, yeah. But it's not really the way I had planned it. But I don't see how else I can afford it. It just doesn't make sense for us to both move there and not live together."

"Would you feel better about it if I got you a ring?" he asked.

Well, duh.

"YES!" I shouted.

"Ok, well, we can go ring shopping. Email me some photos of what you like tomorrow when you get to work." [Note: At last count, I emailed 8.]

"Can we do that this weekend?" I asked, jumping up and down.

"I thought we were going to drive down to Savannah and look at apartments," he replied.

I reminded him that we don't even know what our budget is yet, and that we might as well just stay here and go ring shopping. He agreed.

WOO HOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Digital Hysteria

2009-01-30T16:00:00.003-05:00

I decided to take a break from all my stressful moving duties and started looking for something to make me laugh.

I found a website that I can't believe I have never heard of: Stuff White People Like. It is a riot. Ever wonder why we like Farmer's Markets? Or Girls With Bangs? Or why we are ok with Taking a Year Off? This website explains (in a tongue-in-cheek way) why white people act the way they do. It's been very enlightening thus far. I'm learning a lot about myself. Because I'm about as white as it gets.

And of course, I am relying on my old stand-bys for a Friday afternoon laugh: FAIL blog, Engrish and LOL Dogs. If you don't know these, you can do a google search for them.

But what I really want to share with you is this video my coworker sent to me today. It's about the whole digital tv deadline in a few weeks. You know -- regular tvs won't work anymore and we all have to get digital cable or converter boxes, yada yada. OMG I was crying laughing at this. I watched it twice it was so funny. Enjoy, y'all. And have a great weekend!!!

Big News!!

2009-01-29T16:17:00.004-05:00

Hi, Everybody! I know I've been MIA lately, but there's a good reason for it!!!!

No, I'm not engaged.

I know, that's what you were hoping for, right? Don't hold your breath. I know I'm not! My eggs will be shriveled into mummified remains before CN ever pops the question. Argh.

No, I have big news! Good news!! I can tell you what my big secret is now!!

I am moving to Savannah, GA in three weeks.

I am really excited, because that's where I want to live. But I'm really stressed because it's all happening REALLY fast and I am not super-prepared for all of this.

For the past couple of weeks, I've been busy with interviews and job applications and shopping for interview suits for more interviews...and then yesterday, I was offered the position. I'll be working at the library for a well-known Savannah art school.

And I'm scared shitless.

This job will expect a LOT more from me. I will be someone's boss for the first time--2 people, actually. I will be able to work a lot more independently. I am expected to travel more and do more overall. The working environment is (not to dis my current job!) a lot less laid-back and a lot more fast-paced than what I'm used to, so I will have to bring my "A game".

These are all good things, though. I'm just freaking out. I can do it. I'm excited for the challenge. It's just scary to give up all this stability: my house, my friends, my stable job, my boyfriend being right across the street....

So, in addition to that stress, I have the following problems:

1. I am broke as a joke. Moving costs money. And no, they aren't paying any moving expenses. I asked. I will need to get my tax refund ASAP.

2. I have to find someone to rent my house. NOW. (Trying to sell it in this economy is probably a waste of time. Besides, I just started getting equity. I wouldn't even profit if I sold it now.)

3. I can't rent a place in Savannah until I rent mine out, because that will determine if I can get a nice apartment or if I will have to live in my car. (Or in a van down by the river! LOL)

4. I do not know what CN is going to do. He is going to request a transfer from his job, but we don't know if he will get it. If not, we are looking at a long distance relationship until further notice. Which will stink, but it won't be the end of the world. It's only two and a half hours distance.

5. If he does get the job transfer, it will rock because they will pay for the movers.

6. But that also means we would probably end up living together, which is something I really don't want to do because I am old-fashioned, even though financially it makes a LOT of sense.

7. CN's dad took a turn for the worse and it's REALLY bad, so CN and I are stressed out about that, too. (I really think his dad might be pretty much near the end at this point. It's bad, y'all. It's so sad, because he's in a lot of pain. It seriously sucks right now.) And CN is not going to want to move anywhere if his dad stays like this for any length of time. (Which is fine and I totally understand and wouldn't expect him to move under those circumstances anyway. It's just another piece to the puzzle -- if he is planning on moving later, should I get a bigger apartment in anticipation??)

8. I can't tell my boss I am quitting until they finish my background check (no, I have nothing to hide, but it's just a good idea to make sure I'm cleared before I go blabbing about it). Hopefully they will finish it before I would need to give my 2 weeks' notice. *crosses fingers*

9. And did I mention that I am not really getting a raise? On paper, I am. But because of the higher cost-of-living for Savannah, my quality of life will stay pretty much the same.

I have 21 days to figure all this crap out. So if you don't hear from me a whole lot over the next month or so, that's why. But I'm sure I'll be stressed and will need to vent, so stay tuned.

I am a giant ball of anxiety right now. I am not sleeping and food disgusts me. I could totally barf on command, thanks to all the butterflies and stress knots in my tummy. The upside to all of this is that it's the best diet ever. I have zero interest in eating!

I will turn 30 in the town I want to live in. Cool. My first day will be the Monday before my birthday. :)

Classic VB Moment

2009-01-21T11:01:00.002-05:00

Last Friday, things were pretty slow at work. A coworker and I were just messing around on the internet, and ended up looking at a photo of a topless woman. (No, I am not telling you what we were looking at, but it was NOT porn. I know you don't believe me, but oh well.)

My coworker pointed at the photo and said, "Look at that. Do you think they airbrushed her nipples out?"

Without skipping a beat, I replied, "Oh no. My nipples look just like that in photos."

*I realize what I just said, only too late.*

*awkward silence*

And then we both burst out laughing.

Good Things Come in 3s

2009-01-15T19:48:00.003-05:00

1. Last night, I went to the gym, even though it was freezing. I needed to go for a run. My gym has set all the treadmills to stop after 30 minutes, in order to prevent people from hogging them for hours on end. The other day, I found one that is actually set for an hour. To challenge myself, I decided that since I didn't have my usual time restrictions (I can run only a little over 2 miles in a half an hour. Yes, I know I am a slow runner. Shut up.), I would just start running and see what happened. I decided to just run as long as I could.

Forty-five minutes later, I was STILL RUNNING.

I ran almost 4 miles. I still can't believe it. I haven't run that far since I was 13. The crappy part was that I would have kept going, but I was seriously dying of thirst and getting bored! And I didn't have any pain in my shins or my knees or anything. It was frickin AWESOME. The first mile didn't even feel like anything. It was so easy.

At one point, a guy got on the treadmill next to me, and he started running. I was still running when he stopped running. I LOVE it when that happens. I'm a little competitive like that, I guess.

I have no idea how many stars had to align in the sky in order for this to happen, but I really hope it happens again. I felt like a rock star.

2. I got up early this morning and hit the gym again, this time to do a weight lifting class. So that was 2 work outs in 12 hours. I was pretty stoked about that.

Anyway, after the gym, I went to the store where CN bought that awesome water bottle for me. I told the manager my story and asked if he would order some more bottles for me. I told him the make and model of the bottle, and he said he knew exactly what bottle I was referring to. Then he told me it would be no problem at all for him to order some of them. And he was super duper nice about it!!! YESSSS!!! This is awesome.

They will be on the shelves on Sunday! Yippee!!!! Publix is the best store EVER!!!

3. Is sort of a secret. And it might not happen. I mean, things look good, but I don't want to count my chickens. Just let me say that if it happens, it will be BIG news. I won't spill the beans here, but if you email me and ask nicely, I might tell you. :)

A Victory and a Mystery

2009-01-09T09:24:00.006-05:00

I almost took that last post down. I got home that day and thought, "I can't believe I just wrote a post about a stupid lost water bottle. My blog has reached a new low."

But then you guys had such great ideas!!! My readers are so helpful! Thanks, everybody. I think I might order one of the Rose Parade ones...or whatever that was. I'm also going to go back to the store where CN bought it and plead with the manager to carry them again. It's worth a shot.

Besides, as you will soon see, THIS is the post which will take my blog to new lows.

I had a small victory this morning when getting ready for work. My 2 weeks of diet and exercise were all worth it when I put on a pair of jeans I could not wear a month ago! YAY!!! Go me! Little things like that really keep me motivated to continue. Because let me tell ya, I am having a hard time cutting out all the sweets I normally eat. I am trying to be more aware of what I'm eating, because I find that when I'm not actively thinking about what goes in my mouth, I usually eat too much or a bunch of crap. And I'm really pushing myself at the gym -- I ran about 3 miles the other day, which is something I haven't done since I was a teenager. I was really proud of that. I am not quite sure how much I've lost, but it's about 2-4 pounds. Definitely a step in the right direction!!!

As you can probably tell, I don't have a ton of things going on right now. But I did experience something totally disgusting yesterday. So if you're eating while reading, I suggest you stop. Also, don't read this before lunch or anything, because it just about killed my lunch appetite yesterday.

I tell people all the time, "I can't believe CN puts up with me." This statement is usually met with amazement, as most people don't know how weird and/or stupid I can be at times. Allow me to enlighten you, dear readers.

I was walking Sammy, just like I always do on my lunch break. I take him down our street and go behind our little neighborhood. It's basically an empty lot behind our street, so he is free to be a dog back there. There's a little clearing where Sammy likes to do #2. I was walking him back there, when I saw it: a piece of clothing on the ground.

"Hmm, that wasn't here when I walked Sammy this morning," I thought.

Then I realized this meant that our resident homeless guy was probably back. He comes and goes, but we always know when he's around because one of us will spot him or there will suddenly be a lot of trash in the empty lot. Which makes sense -- it's not like he has access to a trashcan. He hangs out in the woods beyond the empty lot. My elderly neighbors and CN tell me not to go behind our street during these times, but I think he's harmless, so I just don't go as far back as I normally would, just to be safe. If he wanted to do something, he would have done it by now-- asked for food or money. I think he just wants to be left alone, because I've never even laid eyes on the guy. I try to have sympathy for people in unfortunate circumstances like that. I don't want to just jump to stereotypes, because I think a lot of homeless people are addicts, mentally ill or just down on their luck-- they have real problems. I believe most homeless people mean no harm at all, and are usually just misunderstood. I don't like it when people assume they are criminals or evil. That's just not fair. It's only out of sheer luck that I'm not one of them, so I try to keep that in mind.

As Sammy is sniffing around and marking his territory, I am studying the piece of clothing. What is odd to me is that it looks like it has been ripped off of someone's body. It was just thrown on the ground, and I didn't want to touch it, so it was kind of difficult to tell what it was exactly. Nearby, I saw a (presumably) empty box of cigarettes.

And something else.

Oh. My. Is that....what I think it is??? Because if it is, that is....totally effing disgusting. Dear God!

Out of shock, I backed away from it and turned around and went back home, much to the irritation of Sammy, who possesses what must be an endless supply of pee.

I decided to get CN and take him with me to look at it again. I needed a second opinion. So after work, I hurried home before the sun set to drag him with me. "What is it?" he asked.

"Just come here. I want to show it to you. I'm not sure what it is," I replied.

I took him to the back lot, over to the little clearing where Sammy usually does his business. I pointed. "Is that what I think that is?" I asked. "Because if it is, that is totally incredible and disgusting. I mean, look at it! It's massive. And in one straight piece. I've never seen anything like it!"

"I can't believe you made me stop working to come over here and look at a giant piece of shit, VB," CN said.

"So it is shit, then?" I asked, stupidly. "Because I wasn't totally sure if it was human or not. It could be from a big dog. A really big dog. I thought maybe it was some kind of food or something. You know, all that rain we had, I thought maybe it was dissolving food that just looked like shit," I continued.

"I can't believe you. I'm going back inside. This is ridiculous," he said, turning around to leave.

"No! Wait! Do you think it's from the homeless guy?" I asked, grabbing his arm.

"Of course it's from the homeless guy!" he said, frustrated. "I mean, look -- that's his underwear right there!" CN pointed to the mysterious article of clothing I'd spotted earlier. Aha! It was a pair of ripped boxers! Mystery solved.

"But it looks like he literally ripped it off his body," I said.

"Well, by the looks of it, I don't think he had a lot of time to waste," CN chuckled.

"No kidding. I've never seen anything like it! I'm going to go get the camera and take a picture of it," I said.

CN promptly talked me out of this idea. But I do kind of wish I could share it with you. It was at least a foot long. And in a perfect line, not in a pile like you'd think it would be. Which makes me wonder if he sort of walked it out, if you get what I'm saying. Too graphic? If so, I apologize. But this was one amazing turd, y'all. And really, he was not far at all from some of my neighbors' windows. Someone could have easily seen him squatting. But come to think of it, that supports CN's theory that this guy didn't have time to waste.

And the other discarded things sort of tell a story. I bet he had a nice smoke, and then thought, "Uh. Oh." He was in such a hurry, he had to literally rip his clothes off before it was too late. WOW.

I continued rambling on about The Amazing Poo, and CN reprimanded me: "Look, keep it down. I'm sure he doesn't want us standing around, talking about his poo. He's probably watching us right now. Listen, I don't want you coming back here anymore, do you understand?"

I nodded, staring at my feet and feeling ashamed.

As if being homeless isn't enough, this guy has to deal with strangers discussing his poos.

But it is a pretty impressive turd.

The $300 Water Bottle

2009-01-06T14:28:00.007-05:00

I am nothing if not determined. And patient. And thorough.

Y'all would die laughing if you knew how I spend my time on some days. I can spend a week looking for a song I heard. Once, I spent a week looking for a friend of mine from childhood, Tori Condorodis. (Tori, if you are reading this, I have been looking for your ass for years, girl! YEARS!) I have stubbornly hunted down lyrics, book titles, SNL skits, the cheapest airline tickets, historical facts, urban legends, etymology tidbits, untold unusual items on eBay, the perfect paint color for my bathroom and recipes for coconut cheesecake. And then there's the whole genealogy thing I've been on for the past few months. That's an entirely different story!

It's only made worse by the fact that I'm a professional librarian, because not only do I know where to go and how to search for something, I am also trained to be resourceful and think of other ways to find whatever it is I'm looking for when I hit a stumbling block.

And today, I have hit a big one. So I am taking a break from my searching before I scream and pull out my hair so that I may vent here.

A little back story for you. Right when we first started dating, I mentioned to CN how much I disliked most re-usable water bottles on the market. I don't like the ones with the straws, because the straws are too difficult to clean, and sometimes they fall off the lid, which causes you to stop what you're doing, unscrew the lid and stick the straw back in. I hate the ones you squeeze, because I somehow either end up choking on the water or spilling it everywhere. I don't like the ones where you have to unscrew a top to get to the water. And all the other ones I've tried are poorly made, and break too easily. Or they are too tall to fit into the dishwasher. I just got a new one, and it is horrid -- it leaks EVERYWHERE. I have been on a quest for a great water bottle for years, people. YEARS. On the top shelf of my kitchen cupboard resides a graveyard of discarded water bottles that didn't make the cut.

One day a few weeks later, CN came over and told me he had gotten me something. This is one of my favorite things he says, so he had my undivided attention. From behind his back, he pulled out a large, green water bottle.

It.

Was.

Perfect.

High quality plastic, a beautiful green color, large enough to hold enough water for a long workout, a little plastic ring to make it easy to carry...and the best part of all: a GENIUS lid. All you do is push this little button, and the top flips up to reveal an ergonomical spout from which to drink your water -- no squeezy thing, no straws. When closed, the lid protects the spout and the water from germs, dirt and debris. Which was a feature I hadn't even thought of, but instantly loved.

"And it's dishwasher safe," CN explained proudly.

I may have fallen in love with him right at that moment.

Do you see where this is going? Yeah. About a month or so ago, I lost it. I cannot find it anywhere, not even in my car, which is where my lost things usually end up. The last time I remember having it, I was finishing up a workout with my trainer. Despite my repeated pleadings with the gym staff to search in the lost and found "just one more time, please", it has not turned up. The gym staff thinks I am a psycho, because I come up to the desk once a week, frantically searching for a stupid $5 water bottle, but I don't care. I am lost without it. I regret that I never truly appreciated the water bottle until I lost it. It was always my favorite, mostly because CN gave it to me, but now I appreciate it for its impeccable design.

My first instinct was to ask my trainer if he'd picked it up for me. No dice. (He also looked at me like I was a little crazy.) Since then, I have scanned the gym every time I am there, looking for the bastard who ganked my bottle. I know what happened. I left it sitting on a bench while I dug for my keys, and then I just left it there when I walked out. Someone with a good eye for a perfect water bottle came along and decided to just keep it. Which is really stealing, in essence. A responsible person, like yours truly, returns things to the front desk. (I found a watch once, and a wallet -- I promptly turned them in to the staff. You'd think karma would pay me back for that!!!)

But one day, they will screw up. I know it. Right now, they are laying low, hiding out with my water bottle. They probably only use it at home or at work. They are too afraid to return to the scene of the crime with it. But one day.....one day....They will forget that they stole it, and bring it to the gym, where I will see them using it, and confront them, probably with much hostility. And possible bloodshed. *In Arnold Schwarzenegger voice* I will get it back.

This is what I get for not appreciating my bottle!! It has been taken away from me!! And given to someone else who loves it, probably as much as I do!! And I cannot even bear to tell CN that I lost it. It is my dirty little secret I am keeping from him. I am ashamed of myself. One of the best things he ever gave me, and I carelessly leave it laying around for someone who is too cheap to go buy his own water bottle.

Just to rub salt into the wound, that bitch Karma has ensured that I will never be able to get a water bottle like that again. The store where CN got it no longer sells them. Which prompted me to go on a searching binge to buy one online. "Oh, one little trip over to Amazon.com will take care of that," I thought.

Not so fast, VB. Amazon only sells your average, flawed water bottles. So does Target. And Walmart. And Dick's Sporting Goods. And the camping supply store in town. And all the grocery stores (yes, I have visited just about every one in town). Buying one off of eBay just doesn't sound like a good idea. Who knows where the water bottle has been??

An intensive, hours-long Internet search led me to -- JOY!! -- a website selling the same bottle, but with a company logo on it. Logo, schmogo -- I wanted my water bottle NOW! Who cares if it promotes a company? I click "Buy" and...

"This item is no longer available."

Are you freaking kidding me.

I went back to the drawing board. Eventually, I managed to find out the make and model of the water bottle. (Yes, it's like a car. This is the Cadillac of water bottles, I'm telling you.) Now, I have something to work with!! Surely, some retailer sells these little buggers online! I did a search for the make and model. A bazillion hits. Jackpot!!!!

Upon further inspection, I realize that Little Miss Karma is a sick, evil and twisted little bitch: the bottles are only sold through those business promotions companies, you know, the places where you go to get your company logo put onto 450 coffee cups or 1600 ballpoint pens.

In my frenzied state of desperation, I almost went for it: "Ok, let's see. I can get 36 of them for $7.19 each...plus a $50 flat rate for the order set-up....which comes out to....$308.84. Plus shipping. Hmmm. Maybe I can get an Indiana University logo on it...or a cute message, and then I can give them out as gifts! Yeah!"

When reality set back in, I realized this was far too much to spend on water bottles. Worse yet, my friends would hate me for giving them a stupid water bottle every year for their birthdays. "But check out the lid! It flips! Isn't that awesome? This year, I decided to give you a purple one!" I would say.

*sigh*

So, my search continues. But if you are one of those people who orders the little freebies with the company logo imprinted on them, will you please get your logo put onto H2Go's Zuma water bottle?? I'll take any color. I'll buy 10 from you. And I will I verbally promote your business until the cows come home! I promise!

And if you happen to see one of my beloved Zuma water bottles for sale at your local store, please buy me 3 of them. Trust me, I will make it worth your time! Here's a photo, which can be easily printed out and carried in your wallet for reference purposes:

Happy New Year!!

2009-01-03T17:55:00.003-05:00

Ok, so I am blogging from CN's computer while he's busy watching the Falcons game. They are in the playoffs, and I can hear a lot of cursing coming from his living room. :)

When the commercials come on, he gets up to pee and give me a kiss. It's pretty cute. He just walked in here to ask me if I like his wiener or not. What a dork.

Anyway, just wanted to write a short blog post to update y'all on stuff. Since I get almost 3 weeks off from work during the holidays, it's hard for me to get to a computer. CN's letting me use his. Although I doubt he knows I'm blogging right now....

Thank you, everyone who commented on my last post. It was a very painful post to write, so I appreciate the sympathy and empathy. And I don't always feel like that about my mom, it's just that she and I go through phases. We are currently in one of those phases where I seriously cannot stand her. She's not a horrible person, we just bash heads sometimes. She does it all (mostly, I think, anyway) from love and out of worry for me. It's just the methods she chooses that irk me. I really have to start letting it roll off my back, because she's never going to change. So I have to just change the way I react to her. And THB, I didn't take down your 2nd comment, even though it was a repeat, because I read it twice. It was that good! So I think it deserves to be said twice!! But seriously, my readers are the best. All of your comments made me feel so much better. It was definitely an "I love blogging, because blog readers are the best!!!" moment. :)

Going home to visit The Czarina went very well this year. WHEW. I credit Fat Dog's new girlfriend with my mother's MUCH improved behavior. I think that is the key to surviving visits with her -- bring an outsider. It keeps her on good behavior. As an added bonus, I really like Fat Dog's girlfriend. She is teeny tiny and very nice. She's totally his type -- petite, athletic, brunette who doesn't wear a lot of makeup. They are really cute together.

I got KICK ASS presents this year!!! Best Buy (hell-O ipod!!!) gift card from CN and a Lowe's gift card from Fat Dog, plus a beautiful --

DAMMIT, CN!!! STOP CHASING SAMMY AND MAKING ALL THAT NOISE!!!!!

ok, sorry about that. I swear, I am dating a 12 year old.....

Where was I? Oh, yes, CN got my that gorgeous wallet I wanted. I also got some jewelry, DVDs, potpourri, a frog tape dispenser, JP gave me a French press for coffee (although I have no idea how to use it!) and MJ gave me some Christmas decorations (because I never buy any and she thinks this is horrible) and an herb garden. Sammy got a big container of gourmet dog cookies.

And The Czarina gave me a big, phat check made out to Capital One -- that was her present to me. Along with the jewelry and the tape dispenser. It's a pretty sweet present, because she knows how much I want to pay off my Visa. I gotta give the Mom some props on that one.

And for the last week, I have been cooking, cleaning, organizing and decorating. I love working on a college student's schedule. One of the best things about my job. My house is super clean and neatly organized, and I have finished a LOT of projects I've been putting off. Soon, I will start painting E's old bedroom and the bathroom and hang up some curtains. Unfortunately, that's just about all the decorating I will be able to do for a while, since I need to focus on the credit card debt.

I'm trying to decide if I want to get a part time job or not. I really should, for the extra money and debt-paying purposes, especially since I won't have a roommate anymore. But I am ULTRA motivated to lose some weight, a part time job would really impact my gym time. I have worked out 6 days in a row, and yesterday I ran for 33 minutes straight -- a feat I have not achieved since I was in college!! GO ME!!!

I'm not doing too badly at the dieting thing, either. Not perfect, but at least conscious and aware of what goes in my mouth. I am trying not to bring junk into the house, which helps a LOT.

Although my whole body is a little sore, I am in a great mood, sleeping like a rock and have noticed how much energy I have. I think my tummy's a little flatter, but it may just be my imagination. It feels great to be getting back in shape. I hope I can keep this up. So far, so good on my New Year's Resolution.

Everyone is doing great -- CN's dad is still hanging in there, MJ and JP are doing well. Except that one of MJ's dogs died. :( And CN is wonderful, as usual.

When I'm done with my decorating, I will take some pics of my house and share with you. I have done a lot since the last time I shared pics.

Sorry this post is kind of random! I'm in a hurry and have some stuff I want to do before CN and I head out to go bowling. I'll try and catch up on everyone's blogs as soon as I can.

Happy New Year!!!

Why I Only Visit Twice a Year

2008-12-17T10:31:00.004-05:00

Many of you are looking forward to going home to see your family during the holidays. But some of us dread the holidays. Every trip there reminds us why we moved so far away to begin with. And why we only visit twice a year. I am one of those people.

A lot of my friends, who have never met my mom, have a difficult time understanding why I say I sometimes don't like her very much. If you were to meet my mom, you would think she was a very friendly, thoughtful, fun and supportive mother. The first time CN observed me talking to her on the phone, he thought she was really nice. (He could hear what she was saying, because he was sitting next to me.) "I don't know what you're talking about! Your mom is really supportive!" he said. Gradually, as I have started to tell him the stories and the crazy things she's said to me, he's starting to see where I'm coming from.

When he came up with me last summer, she was also putting on her "nice" face. She's always nice when there's someone outside of our family nearby. That's why I like bringing friends home with me and going shopping with her -- she isn't mean to me in those situations. But when outsiders aren't around, she has a tendency to hurt my feelings. A lot.

The first thing she says to me when I get to her house is, "Well, you look like you haven't lost any weight." Not "I missed you!" or "It's good to see you!" Or even "How was your drive?" Nope. It's a perfect opportunity to make a comment about how I am too fat for her liking. This is how she likes to start off the visit. Gee, it's great to see you, too, Mom. So glad I just drove 6 hours to hear you say that, I think to myself. So I step out of the car, and am instantly on the defensive. God forbid she just be nice. As much as this bothers me, I do have a large amount of respect for my mom, and I was raised not to sass, so I have to just take it. What I'd really like to do is retort, "Gosh, and you're looking so old!!"

When I get inside, I will inevitably remember that she doesn't keep any food in the house anymore, because unlike me, her world "doesn't revolve around food." She doesn't really cook anymore, which I understand, because it's just her and my little sister. So I usually have to get back in my car and drive a half hour to the store to get something to eat. Despite the fact that she knows I don't like eggs for breakfast and I can't stand salad, this is all she ever has to eat at the house. Coincidence?

When I get back from the store, if I'm lucky, she won't see me putting the food away. If she does see me, I get to listen to her criticize my decisions. Later, if she sees me eating something she doesn't approve of, she will take it away from me. Yup, you read that correctly. Snatch it right out of my hands. I am 3 when I am at her house. This is the sort of thing that happens incessantly when I'm home. I could be anorexic, snorting coke, fired from my job and crying myself to sleep every night, but as long as I am thin, that's all she cares about. She never cares if I'm happy. Just that I'm thin.

Anyway, after that, I will clean the kitchen, change the sheets on the bed and clean the bathroom. Then, I will put up the Christmas tree, decorate it and then cook dinner.

Now, I'm not trying to sound like an ungrateful daughter, because I do think I should help out while I'm there, and I don't mind doing the Christmas tree stuff or the cooking. By no means do I expect a red carpet to be rolled out for me when I get there, but dammit, can I feel a tiny bit less like a maid and a little more like a houseguest??? (In her defense, cleaning the kitchen and the bathroom are more my idea than hers, but that's because they are always filthy and I can't use them until they are cleaned up, because it bugs me when they are dirty.) I mean, if she could just put some damn towels out for me, it would be nice. Or even actually be there when I arrive. (Sometimes she's not even home when I get there, which makes me feel like crap.)

Great holiday vacation so far, huh?

At some point during the visit, I will get a big, fat lecture. If it had an official title, it would be: "Let me tell you how you are f***ing up your life". It could be a lecture about how fat I am, how I am not good with money, how I am messing up my love life by not remaining a virgin, how badly I need to get a new job or all of the above. I know I'm not unique in receiving these lectures. Lots of moms give these lectures. I just wish she'd realize that I'm almost 30, so I have heard them each a billion times. At this point, I'm pretty numb to them. I just wish she'd leave me alone and let me get back to whatever it was I was doing when she decided it was Lecture Time.

She wants to give me a new one, I can tell. She wants to tell me she doesn't like CN and thinks I can do better. I know she thinks this. The other day, she said to me, "Well, just know that if you two get serious.....you have my blessing. I think he's a very nice boy." (This translates to: He is not good enough for you. I wish you would dump him, because I think you are dating beneath yourself.) But she knows that saying that would piss me off, so she hasn't said anything. Yet. Getting serious with CN really bothers her for 2 reasons: She had no role in picking him out for me. (She would like nothing better than to set me up with some Tucker Carlson-type guy. She is a total control freak and always thinks that she knows better than I do about what makes me happy.) And also, it disproves one of her theories: No one will want to marry me if I don't lose some weight. So I know it bugs her. I know she wants to say it.

At another point in the visit, she will "forget" that Sammy likes to wander away when left to his own devices in the outdoors. This makes me panic, because I can't find him. When I realize that she is the one who "accidentally" let him out, it makes me furious. If I say anything to her, she will say, "Dogs belong outside, anyway."

This year will probably be a little different. I'm pretty sure we will have a HUGE, screaming fight. Which sucks, because it's Christmas. But right now, I am pretty hurt by one of her most recent emails. It's been about a week since she sent it to me, but I can't shake it. Which means I will still be upset about it when I go home next week. I am not very good at pretending like nothing is bothering me, which means I will say something about it. Because I have a big mouth. And I already resent her for all the other reasons I've just mentioned.

Ok, remember how I am painting my bathroom? I'm looking for the right shade of dark, purply-blue. With hot pink accents, white trim and lots of silvery, mirrored accessories. I was describing my decorating plans in an email to my mom a few days ago. Home decorating is a pretty safe, neutral topic for us to discuss. Or so I thought.

Her reply? (And I quote!) "It will look like a 1920s whore's bathroom! Love it! -- Mom"

Now, wtf is that supposed to mean? Aside from all of my mother/daughter issues, it doesn't even make any sense. Do prostitutes have a particular interior decorating preference? And if they do, how does she know what it is? Not only that, but when was the last time you ever heard someone describe a room as "whoreish"? That's not even a decorating style! It has no meaning! Unless I said I was going to use a pimp cup for a soap dish, I fail to see what reminds her of a whore house!

If you include my mother/daughter issues, there's a WHOLE other side to this email. Let me explain. According to my mother, if you have sex before marriage, you are a whore. Plain and simple. I know this is what she thinks, because when her friends' daughters have shotgun weddings or babies out of wedlock, she calls them whores. Not to their face, of course. She is not stupid as to why I am on birth control. So it's safe to assume she thinks I am also a whore. And yes, she uses that word. She is not one to sugar coat things. (I personally think she's probably being hypocritical about the whole thing, because she spent her 20s in an alcoholic stupor, passing out every weekend, so who KNOWS what she did when she was my age.)

Of course, she is not so rude as to come out and call me a whore. That would be mean and hurtful and judgemental. She will deny that she is like that until the day she dies. No, no. She phrases things in a confusing way so that she can get away with sort-of calling me a whore. Then she tacks on the "Love it!" to make it sound like she likes it, so she can confuse me. That way, I can't accuse her of actually meaning it. "But I like it! That's what I said!" she would say, if I brought it up. If I kept pressing the issue, refusing to believe that she didn't mean any harm, she will blow me off and refuse to talk about it anymore, claiming I am being too defensive or sensitive.

Which may be true. But really, when someone treats you the way that she does, can you blame me??? I think I have made a pretty good case against her behavior and how it makes me feel.

I cannot think of any other explanation for her choice of words. I mean, why would you EVER say that? Over email, no less, which she must realize has a higher chance of misinterpretation.

It used to be different, when my dad was still alive. He would call her out on stuff and tell her to knock it off. He understood where I was coming from. But now that dad's gone, there's no one to stick up for me. It's getting worse every year. My brother, Fat Dog, tries to stick up for me, but he doesn't understand why I can't just let it roll off my back. She treats my little sister the same way. Smurf must REALLY get it because it's just her and Mom most of the time. And she's only 16. She's not old enough to really see how Mom is or understand that Mom's not always right and you don't have to blindly do what she says or accept her behavior. At least at my age, I can see what she's doing. And I can move away and avoid her. Smurf doesn't have that ability.

Although I know what's going on and I am getting better about just ignoring her behavior, I don't know what exactly I can do to improve my relationship with my mom. I don't talk about it a whole lot, but it's been getting really bad lately. I know you are all like, "Talk to her!" "Write her an email explaining everything!" but it doesn't work like that. When you are dealing with a controlling and snarky person who NEVER admits that they have any bad intentions, it's impossible to get through to them. Accusing her of being cruel to me or hurting my feelings will only cause her to tell me to stop whining and being so sensitive. She will deny everything and tell me I'm misunderstanding her. And if I get her really riled up, she will get all drama-queen on me and say things like, "Well, if you really feel that way, I guess we just should never speak again!" and leave the room, which leaves me with a huge guilt trip. I mean, how the hell do you deal with someone like that???? That's not what I want! I love my mom. I just wish she would be nicer to me. For some reason, that is a lot to ask from her. I don't know what to do, so I usually just take it and never say anything. But it's building a LOT of anger and resentment inside me. And as a financially independent adult who lives 2 states away, I have the option of cutting her out of my life. Lately, I'm really liking this idea, because all she does is make me feel bad about myself. She only brings stress to my life.

I have gradually scaled back the number of visits I make to see her. I used to come up about 4 times a year. Now it's 2. I'm thinking about cutting it back to one. Or none. As sad as it is to say, I am considering not having a relationship with my mom at all. At this point, I only go home at Christmas to see my siblings. If I had my wish, she would not even be there.

I am not perfect. I make bad decisions sometimes. I know I'm sensitive. I know I need to lose weight. I know I am defensive. And she may not have meant anything in that email. But I can't ignore how she continuously makes me feel like a loser and hurts my feelings. You can't help how you feel. It just frustrates me, because she sort of robs me from expressing them. She's so caught up in proving that she's right all the time, and trying to control all my decisions, she doesn't even see how it's affecting our relationship. If I told her all of this, she would die of shock!

Thanks for letting me vent. Apparently, I didn't get it all out last night when I poured my heart out to CN and cried all my makeup off! It's really hard for me to talk about this, because it's really painful and personal. As much of an open book as I am, it is really hard for me to talk about this, even though I don't know most of you. I'm feeling a little vulnerable right now. But I'm like a volcano. I have been holding it in for so long. I just can't do it anymore. Sorry if I bummed any of you out. What's funny is that today is her birthday, and I feel really guilty for saying all this about her, even though she doesn't know I'm doing it!

Red & Green

2008-12-15T16:49:00.003-05:00

Today, they are not only Christmas colors, but also relevant to my life.

Red -- the color of my left eye. No, I do not have pinkeye. I think I have burst some blood vessels, because I have no change in vision, pain, itching, swelling or eye crusties. And it's not getting worse or spreading. Just one half of one eye, red. Just hanging out. Every time I look in the mirror, it says to me, "Hi! Yup. Still here. Making you look like you're sick, tired, high or otherwise not a good person to stand next to! Enjoy wearing your glasses!" I'm pretty sure it's just some irritated/burst blood vessels. Which, according to my casual internet research, can happen from something as simple as a sneeze, violent coughing or vomiting. It probably happened on Tuesday night, after I barfed on the way home from the gym.

Math moment:

Lazy attitude towards exercise
random, intense trainer workout at gym
+ genetic predisposition for sensitive stomach
---------------------------------------
barfing in a parking lot.

Luckily, I picked a vacant office building parking lot, so no one had to stumble upon my barf upon arriving at work the next morning. WHEW.

Anyway, WebMD says that it should get better on its own, gradually, over the next 2 weeks. If not, it's time to see a doctor. I'm not wearing my contacts as a precaution. I'm now wearing my glasses until further notice. Which I hate doing. Oh well.

Trivia fact for you: Despite my fairly frequent and unpredictable barfing spells, CN has yet to witness me barf. He didn't know that I barfed throughout our first date until weeks later when I told him. Yeah, I'm a pro. Don't hate.

Green -- As in, the color of money. Luckily, it's not my money I am referring to.

CN has a company car, which is great. He doesn't have to pay a dime out of pocket for anything car-related, including gas. Don't you just hate him? I know, me too. Because it's not his car, he has to take it to company-approved mechanics, because they have special agreements worked out with them. One of these companies is Jiffy Lube. Or, as I like to call it, Stiffy Rube. Because they are full of idiots who rip you off. Or idiots who make you take it up the ass. I will let you choose your own definition, depending on your level of pervertedness.

Hopefully, I am not offending any of you by saying this, but in my experience, Jiffy Lube hires only the most supreme morons of America. Their last straw with me was when I got an oil change, and they forgot to put the cap back on. During my drive from NC to Virginia, I started noticing something leaking from the engine up to my windshield. When my wipers failed to remove it, I pulled over to find a coating of motor oil all over my car. It was also all over my engine, and it was beginning to burn, which if you have never smelled, is not exactly anything close to Chanel No. 5. I still had about 3 hours of travel time left, and had to just deal with it until I got to The Czarina's and pay $100 to have my engine power washed. Grrrrr...

Anyway, despite my Tales of Horror and Warning Concerning Jiffy Lube, CN always gets his oil changed there -- it's one of the company approved places. It's right by our house and one of his favorite dive bars. He usually goes to the bar for a beer and pizza or to watch a game while he waits. This is what he did on Friday afternoon.

While he was enjoying his beer and pizza, the friggin idiots over at Jiffy Lube were getting a lesson in car lifts: DO NOT lift a car by anything other than pre-approved, sturdy areas of the under carriage. This is because the other areas are not meant to bear the weight of a vehicle, you frigging numb nuts who apparently flunked out of mechanic school.

When CN picked up his car, they inform him that they "had some difficulty" in removing the tires (I think he got a tire rotation, too) and didn't rotate them because of that. CN was like, "Ok, whatever," and proceeded to get into the car to get it back home. One the way home, he realizes that something is very wrong. Despite normal steering activity and decision-making skills on the part of the driver, the car wants to turn sideways, especially when the brake is applied. You can imagine how fun this is when you approach a stoplight, or say, oncoming traffic. It gives bumper cars a whole new meaning. At worst, you could die in a T-Bone collision. At best, you look like you're doing some pretty cool 180s. In traffic.

So, to sum up, Jiffy Lube is full of dipshits who are taking *no* responsibility for this, CN's car is now at a better mechanic, getting worked on. But it's so jacked up that he may actually end up getting a new company car. THAT is how much they jacked up his car. (His car is only a year old.)

While it's no skin off his nose, because he doesn't have to pay for it, CN is finally hating JackAss Lube as much as I am. File this under: "I Told You So".

Ok, I will share The Czarina's latest exploit with you in the next post. Promise. It's time to go home, and that is a post which will take some careful wording.

2nd Post for Today -- I Need Your Help!

2008-12-10T16:23:00.004-05:00

CN has a super good idea for what to get for his mom for Christmas. She has a new dishwasher, but hasn't actually hooked it up yet, due to her being so busy with stuff. So he's going to pay for a guy to go over to her house and hook it up for her. I think this is a super awesome idea, because she would never get around to it, and even if she did, she would probably talk herself out of paying for it, especially now that she lost her job. You see, the poor woman has never had a dishwasher, so she's already so used to washing it all by hand, anyway. (I really need to tell y'all about her kitchen issues...remind me.)

I'm getting off-track.

As awesome of an idea as this is, and as easily as the idea occurred to him, he is totally baffled as to what to get for his dad. And I am no help. What do you get for a guy who is too weak to get out of bed? He can't hold anything in his hands, because his nerve endings are all shot. All he does is eat, sleep and watch TV. He's too sick and tired to do anything else. Now that hospice is involved, we know he doesn't have a lot of time left. And CN already got him a bunch of DVDs for his birthday.

So we are stumped.

I have looked on the internet for ideas, and a lot of people say it's good to give terminally ill people sentimental things, like photo albums. Other people suggest everyone write down what the person means to them and tell them what you would normally not say until you're at their funeral. Most people recommend "just quality time to talk to them and tell them how much you love them".

Well, CN's family isn't very sentimental or touchy-feely. That would just be weird and awkward. So that sort of thing is out. Which I'm kind of glad about, because watching that go down would be so depressing and it would probably make CN's mom cry. Which would make me cry. Which would be a really sucky Christmas.

I was thinking maybe some gourmet food would be good, or just a bunch of homemade yummies, like cookies or snacks. That's about all the enjoyment he has left now.

Can anyone think of anything better than that?

Ugh. I am depressed now, just thinking about this. I remember the last Christmas we had with my dad. We had Christmas in the hospital. It was the most depressing day of my life. In a lot of ways, it was worse than his funeral. Because if you are too sick to be home for Christmas, you are really sick. Like, dying sick. And all the nurses look at you with pity, because they know what's coming. It sucks.

On that note, if you know anyone who is in the hospital during the holidays, please visit them. It is miserable to be there at that time, even if it's not a serious illness.

Crap. This post is really sad. Sorry, guys. Read the next one (the one from earlier today). It's more upbeat.

Tomorrow will be good and bitchy! My mom really pissed me off this week, so I have lots to vent about! Stay tuned!

All I Want for Christmas

2008-12-10T15:58:00.003-05:00

...is for people to just get me what I ask for.

CN and MJ have both asked for ideas about what to get me for Christmas.

So I rattle off my list:

*a gift certificate to one of the following places:

-- Best Buy (I want to get a big, fat iPod)
-- Lowe's or Home Depot
-- Z Gallerie (LOVE their stuff)
-- Bed, Bath & Beyond
-- Victoria's Secret (I need new bras)

*Christmas decorations (I will never buy them myself! Not when I could buy more shoes! Duh!)

* Jewelry from Banana Republic (I adore about 95% of all their jewelry) or this one line at Dillard's that I like

* this kick ass wallet I want in my favorite color (it is more money than I'd spend on myself)

* anything related to Indiana University (tshirts, sweatshirts, etc)

* some of my favorite coffee from Jittery Joe's (again, I would never spend this much on coffee for myself)

MJ's response?

"Those are all lame. I will come up with something better."

CN's response?

"MJ's right. You have totally lame ideas."

WTF, people??! Last time I checked, I think I know what I want for Christmas.

Maybe they are just trying to trick me. Throw me off so I don't assume I'm getting something from my list.

Or maybe they are just hatin' because I finished the majority of my Christmas shopping before Thanksgiving. :)

Luckily, my siblings have no problem with my list. They are obedient givers, who appreciate the simplicity of what I ask for. So I am expecting lots of gift cards. Yippee!!!!

Whoever said it is better to give than to receive must have had friends who didn't accept their wishlist.

Determined to Decorate

2008-12-04T14:57:00.004-05:00

Before I get into this post, I have a sad update for y'all. When CN and I went to his parents' house for Thanksgiving, we found out that CN's mom was laid off from her job. She works for a company that supplies automobile parts to Ford, so it was not a big shocker to hear that her employer was cutting back.

As crappy as this is, it isn't as bad as it could be. She still has benefits and they will pay her half her salary for 11 months. Supplemented with unemployment benefits, they will be fine, for the most part. The good news is, they have no debt -- their house is paid off, their cars are paid off and (like CN) they have no credit cards. So financially, it's not like they're up shit's creek. She's going to take care of her hubs for a while, and look for a job later.

One of the things that is actually good about all of this is that now CN's mom can stay home all day to take care of her husband. Until now, she has been paying through the nose for a nurse to stay with him all day. And CN's dad obviously likes this a lot better. So in one way, they will save money because of this.

I tell ya, this economy is starting to hit home, and it's kinda scary. It just really sucks to hear something like this happen to a family that already has a lot on their plate. I wish there was something I could do for them.

Alright, on to something cheerier.

When E moved out, I realized that I am too old and set in my ways to deal with having a roommate again. I don't care how wonderful they are, it's not worth the money. I do NOT want a roommate ever again. The way I look at it, this might be the last year I get to live alone in my own house (knock on wood!), so I want to enjoy it.

A good way for me to move on from the whole E situation and really get to feeling like my house is my house and no one else's is to decorate her old bedroom and bath so they can be livable and usable for me. Right now, I'm not really using them. They are both empty, blank canvases -- they are exactly as they were the day I moved in. So I am really excited to do something with them. I'm going to make them pretty girly, since that kind of decorating won't fly when I have to start accommodating my tastes for CN. He's not much for anything with ruffles, you know. So this is my last chance to live it up and do things my way. EEK! I can't wait!

I'm going to turn the bedroom into an office/guest bedroom combo. So that means I will need to buy a day bed or sleeper sofa. Something to that effect. CN had the brilliant idea (he is full of brilliant ideas) to have the day bed/sleeper sofa also serve as a reading spot for me -- so I will put some books and a reading lamp in there, too. As for the office aspect of it, I already have a desk I can use, so I just need something where I can store my various files and projects and office supplies.

I was originally going to do a black & white color palette, because I really like how graphic and bold those colors can be. Plus, it's easy to find a ton of things to decorate with -- black & white photography, for example. Everything goes with black and white! It's also gender-neutral, which is good for a guest bedroom. But then I realized that a black & white room will not mesh well with the rest of my house, which is full of calm, soothing pastel colors. It's really important to me for my house to flow from one room to the next. Since the bedroom opens into my icy blue living room, I think the starkness of black and white will look weird. So I have scrapped this idea.

I want the bedroom to feel serene, so that house guests can relax and so that I can read or focus on my little projects I'm always fooling with. A pastel palette will accomplish this, and it won't clash with the rest of my house. Then, I remembered an article I had read in a magazine that had gorgeous colors in it: pale aqua, light lime, dusty blueberry, lots of white and a deep violet-blue. Perfect! It's so me. So calming and refreshing. I love it! Here's a link to the article so you can see what I'm talking about. This will look much better next to my icy blue living room.

I want the bathroom, which pretty much serves as my guest bathroom, since it's off the living room and attached to this empty bedroom, to be very dramatic and glamorous. I'm going to paint the walls this color. Only darker -- like a purply-navy. A very deep, rich jewel tone (it will flow with the bedroom, because the same color will be the accent in the bedroom). Here's a virtual room I painted online, which shows you kind of how it will look:

This isn't exactly the color, but it's pretty close. There aren't any windows in the bathroom, but since I don't really use it, it's not like I have to worry about good lighting anyway. I'm planning on keeping the trim, shower curtain and towels white, so that should be enough to prevent it from looking like a cave. I'm going to play it up with mirrored/silver things and a splash of bright, rosy pink. Kind of a bubblegum/watermelon pink.

If you think this sounds gross, just trust me. I can picture it perfectly in my head. It will end up being the only dramatic/richly colored room in my house. Something a little different. The rest of my house is fairly pastel and calming. At the same time, the colors will mesh well with the rest of my house.

There are only 2 things stopping me from creating my two beautiful rooms:

1. I don't really have any money right now. It might have to wait until after the holidays. Bummer, right?
2. I am notorious for never finishing projects. And few things look stupider than a half-decorated room. I really have to make myself finish something, for once. Or at least get it functional.

This should be fun! I haven't really done a lot of decorating on my own before, so I'm pretty stoked. And CN and MJ are also excited, because this means I'm finally off my genealogy kick!

Familiarity Breeds Contempt, Part 2

2008-12-03T16:01:00.004-05:00

Let's see, where were we? Oh, yes. I have my intervention talk with E.

I told her I do not understand why she doesn't move home, back to Minnesota. She misses her family so much. She's really close to them. She doesn't own a house, she hates her job anyway, she doesn't have any money...if I were in her shoes, I'd pack up and stay with my mom until I got my act together. Maybe go back to school. Away from all the bars. I told her I don't understand why she won't leave her job, where she is overworked and underpaid, and now working with her ex-boyfriend AND his entire family, who never liked her and are mean to her. I mean, there literally is no good reason to stay at that job. Everything is so obvious to me, but she just sort of agrees and then makes excuses for why she can't change anything in her life. None of her arguments have any merit. I swear, she is determined to stay miserable!

I almost laughed when she said, "You know, it's so funny that you are telling me all of this. Almost like an intervention. W even said the same thing to me the other day. She said, 'I feel like I need to stage an intervention with you, E.' Funny, right?"

I swear, there could be giant, flashing signs in front of her face, and she would not even see them.

If two people who know you well are both saying the same thing, what does that tell you???

I am pretty surprised W never told me what living with E was like. She never gave me a heads up or hinted at anything. So when E began to do things like sleepwalk and handwash the dishes in the middle of the night, in a totally dark kitchen, I had to figure things out by myself. And E's most recent ex, B, also never gave me any indication that he was dealing with the same kind of wackiness I was, although I'm sure he must have. I can only imagine the long list of crazy experiences we have witnessed individually. It is pretty amazing, though, that neither of them have ever approached me to talk about E's antics. I wonder if W and B just have more patience than I do. Or if they were both relieved that she was living with me instead of them, so they kept their mouths shut. Can't say that I blame them.

So back to the intervention conversation with E. As she went on about her problems, I began to understand what was really going on. After telling her how worried I was and how abnormal her behavior was, I told her that she might want to think about getting a shrink or some kind of professional help, in addition to rehab. She told me that she used to go to a shrink, but that she stopped going.

Knowing she has pretty good health insurance and loves nothing better than to whine about her problems, I asked her why.

"Because he told me I'm bi-polar, and I know that's not true."

OMG. Lightbulb. As soon as she said this, it all made sense! The insomnia, followed by sleeping straight for 3 days. The anti-depressants (to counter-act her "down") combined with the Adderol (to counter-act her mania). The impulse shopping. The sad, weepy days where she would be totally bummed. Followed by days where she was in a fantastic mood. Yet nothing in her life had even changed.

Being a librarian, I decided to do some research and looked in the DSM-IV, one of my favorite books ever, because you can diagnose your friends, your family and yourself with mental disorders (you think I'm joking, but I'm not. It really is fun. And we are ALL in there, trust me. I'm in there at least twice.). Well, it turns out that E could be the poster child for Bi-Polar Disorder.

Negative thinking that stops you from making decisions? Check.
Self-medication with alcohol? Check.
Loss of appetite? Check. (The girl never eats, I swear.)
Problems concentrating? Check.
Bouts of rage? Check. (She can blow up at the drop of a hat sometimes -- she's one of those girlfriends who makes a mountain out of a mole hill, a source of lots of relationship problems for her.)

At this point, there is very little doubt in my mind that E is bi-polar. But I also know she's in a deep denial about this, which is something no one can help her with. So as irritated as I am with her, I am also worried about her and feeling pity towards her. She is so unhappy. Her life is a trainwreck.

Now, I don't know if her bi-polar disorder is responsible for her need to re-organize all of her worldly posessions twice a week, or her obsessive stalking of her ex, or her abily to dwell on things until the cows come home. Or her innate ability to call me at the worst possible times. All I know is that she needs help. And that I'm glad she's out of my house.

Which are some pretty bad mixed feelings. I'm sitting at the intersection of Guilt Street and Annoyance Avenue, a very odd place to be. You see, I have so much pity for the girl. Her sister died at age 30 of breast cancer, and E was very close to her. E got tested and found out that she also has that breast cancer gene, which means she has an 80% chance of getting breast cancer. So to prevent this, E had a voluntary double mastectomy. Which totally sucks. And I just feel so guilty bitching about her. For a long time, I kept giving her the benefit of the doubt. My internal dialogue went like this: "Well, I'm sure I would be a basketcase, too, if my sister died that young and I might die of the same thing, causing me to volunteer to remove my boobs." (This health concern did not stop her from smoking like a chimney, btw. Another example of her great decision-making skills.)

But after a while, this argument couldn't justify her irritating habits or soothe my frazzled nerves. I began to divorce my worries and pity about her health from my resentment towards her. I compartmentalized these emotions. My internal dialogue turned into: "Well, I lost my brother and my dad in the same calendar year, and I don't feel the need to ruin other people's lunches or drone on and on about what an asshole my ex is."

And I grew weary of her. Exhausted, even. Encounters with her, which used to be friendly and exciting, were now dreadful and redundant, not to mention absurdly pathetic. I'm afraid I didn't do a very good job at concealing my joy when she told me she was moving out. I couldn't wait, to be honest.

The day her new boyfriend came to load up her stuff, I was in an excellent mood, I must say. I even smiled as I watched them load up the truck. I even offered to help. :D

Almost as a final parting gift from E, I have had to deal with The Table Incident. Let me explain:

When E moved in, she brought with her a HUGE, gorgeous kitchen table, with four chairs, all painted a glossy white. It looked like it was designed for my house, it went so well with my living/dining area. I love big tables, where I can spread out with books or projects. That table almost made living with E worth it.

So I was ecstatic when she told me she was moving out BUT was leaving the tables and chairs with me until further notice. She didn't need them at her new place, which was fully furnished. This was fabulous news.

A couple weeks later, E moved out. Not in the traditional sense of the word, in that all of your stuff is now at a new location and you no longer reside at your previous home. No, no. Not with E. For her, moving out takes a solid month. Which was, like most things E does, annoying as shit to me. I also happen to consider taking your sweet time to move out of someone's house to be fairly rude. But that's just my personal opinion. By that point, I just wanted her OUT OUT OUT. And all she did was drag, drag, drag her ass. So instead of having my house all to myself, I had to deal with random phone calls during that time: "Hey, I am coming over tonight to get some more stuff, ok?"

Most of you are thinking, "So, what's the big deal? You can just be conveniently not there when she comes over."

Oh, but I can't. Because E seemed to have a difficult time remembering what was hers and what is mine. She walked off with my George Foreman grill, after I told her which one was mine. In an admittedly childish retaliation, I hid her pizza stone until she brought it back. And she also managed to take one of my trashcans, which is only mildly irritating. If she managed to get anything else, I haven't noticed. But my point is, I had to be around to watch her move all her stuff out. Argh.

Finally, after weeks of this crap, she had moved all her stuff out. She also conveniently forgot to clean her bathroom or her bedroom, which were both filthy. Whatever. I certainly was not going to invite her back to clean them.

Breathing a deep sigh of relief, I thought I was free of her until further notice. I was enjoying the table and chairs so much, I was beginning to forgive her of all of her pain-in-the-ass ways.

But of course, nothing is ever really finished with E. She obsesses and dwells and changes her mind as often as she opens her mouth.

A couple of weeks after she had moved out, she called me to tell me she had changed her mind about the table and chairs. She was coming by to get them after work on Friday.

Leaving me with no table or chairs.

After she had told me 3 times that I could keep them until further notice.

Maybe I was overreacting. Maybe it was just the straw that broke the camel's back. It also could have been PMS. But I was royally pissed off about this and bitched about it incessantly for the entire weekend. Ask CN. He was sick to death of hearing about it, poor guy.

"What are you going to do if she calls you in a couple of weeks to tell you she wants to keep them at your house again?" he asked me.

"I'm going to tell her that if they come back in, they are mine forever," I said. "And if she remembers that she left her computer monitor here, I'm going to tell her I haven't seen it. I'm sick of playing Little Miss Nice Guy. I am having an E-botomy. She's being removed from my life. No more phone calls. No more hanging out. I do not care to ever talk to her again, to be honest. She drives me nuts."

"She left her computer monitor? Can I have it?" he asked.

"Consider it yours," I replied, happy to be 100% E-free at long last.