Thursday, June 05, 2008

Thirteen Signs I Am No Longer Cool

1. I really enjoy books on CD. Especially on road trips.

2. I have stopped buying stilettos. Now, I find myself gravitating towards flats.

3. I no longer like any music on any radio station. Except this one station that plays mostly 90s alternative.

4. Although I am exposed to what I would say is a slightly-higher-than-average amount of celebrity gossip, I'm starting to not know who the young people are anymore. I leaf through People magazine thinking, "Who the hell is that?"

5. Exposing a sliver of belly while wearing a form-fitting top is no longer an age-appropriate or flattering wardrobe choice for me. Now, it's empire waists with hip-length hemlines. I also now loathe jeans which allow my undies to hang out for the world to see.

6. The last time I stayed out past midnight, in a bar,

7. I quit smoking. Completely.

8. I don't understand why '80s clothes are back. Leggings look good on no one. The big plastic colored jewelry is ugly. I'm worried that giant lace bows in our hair is next. Besides, why would I want to dress like Madonna did when I was in kindergarten??

9. I find myself turning the volume down, rather than up.

10. Frat boys are totally offensive to me now. (WOW has that changed!!)

11. Going out to dinner IS my "night on the town".

12. I am not renewing my subscription to Cosmopolitan, because every time I open it, I think, "Oh. I did that in college. Is there anything in here that is applicable to my life now?" Frustrated, I put it down and pick up Better Homes & Gardens. Aaahhh! Recipes! Redecorating! Time management tips! This is bliss!!!

13. I drive a Pontiac Vibe. And I like it.


teahouse said...

Hahaha. I'm with you on all of those, sister.

And hey, I drive a Toyota Matrix! I read somewhere that they're actually identical cars. We're soul sisters!

Sam said...

You named the retail place you work at Dildo's. You are TOTALLY cool in my book.

Virginia Belle said...

teahouse -- yeah! that's true!!! we have the same engine, but different bodies. i heard the same thing.

sam -- thank you. thank you very much. *takes a bow*

Megan said...

I did number 12 last year and haven't missed it!

Matilda Jane said...

when WERE you cool?
just kidding... but the fact that I hang out with two ladies that are a few (and more than a few) years older than you, and you are always the first to go home... well, that's a little sad... but I still love you.

Meghan (The Declaration of MY Independence) said...

I'm cracking up at the books on CD right now! My gramma listens to them, and when we get into her car they are always BLASTING b/c poor gram cant hear that well.

I stopped buying stilettos as well. I even told my mom how "impractical" they were and how I would "kill myself" walking in them.

I feel the exact way about the clothes. My new obsession? Keeping my kneecaps covered. I think I just may be a sliver uncooler than you.

Midnight is my bed time. If I'm drunk, I will leave said bar at midnight, then got to a late night diner and chow hound. The end.

CONGRATS ON QUITTING SMOKING!!! I'm so proud of you. Here's to a healthier life! I'm jealous!

I've always been a fan of music on low volumes. Gives me a headache if its too loud. And yes, I drive really slow now too.

You know what? My mom was telling me a story about her friends 16 year old daughter and how boys were texting her telling her to give them *beep* and things like that. I was appauled. And I think I said, "why cant men learn to respect woman!?!? And why cant girls understand what it means to be respected?!?!? GAH!!!"

Cosmo is old news.

I bought my car for 2 reasons:
1. It was a hybrid; 2. It had the highest safety rating for 2006.

I rest my uncool case.

Random Musings Of My Life said...

Wow no more stilettos??
My husband would have my head examined if I stopped doing that.. He would "know" something was REALLY wrong.
#6 was there comes a point where we all "get over it"
#7 was good for you.

I like your list.. your still cool in my books

Becky said...

omg i can relate to ALL of these!

Stuck said...

You like driving your vibe. This made me giggle like a little girl.

LK said...

Give it ten more years and you can add,
14. Hearing your knees crack when you stand up.
15. Uttering the phrase, "I think I threw my back out" on a weekly basis.
16. Saying, "Is it 10:00 pm already?"

M said...

i woke up early this morning to put bird seed out and i was excited. i used to role in at 5 am now i get up at 5 am on a sunday!