Sunday, March 14, 2010

Springing Forward?

It's quarter to 11pm, and I am wide awake. Stupid daylight savings. I'm supposed to be asleep right now, so I can be bright-eyed and bushy-tailed for Monday morning at work.

The 2 hour nap I took today might also be playing a role...DANG!

No updates on my living situation. Ex-F is still out of town (and every day is bliss!), still do not have a confirmed tenant for my house in SC. Still don't know if Ex-F is really moving out or if he's just thinking about it. So since so much of it is out of my control, I have been content to not stress about it so much. Just trying to watch my pennies in case I'm in a bind.

Did I tell you I gave up candy and TV for Lent? Just candy. Not ice cream, cookies, pudding, etc. Dude! It is hard! I am majorly jonesing for Twizzlers. And those little sour watermelon slices. And don't even talk to me about Cadbury eggs. The TV thing isn't as difficult. I have allowed myself to watch DVDs and the news. Since I'm not a big movie watcher to begin with, I have immersed myself in various news programs. And now, I have turned from a casual news junkie into fairly-obsessed news junkie. I know WAY more than I ever cared to about the upcoming St. Patty's Day Festival here in Savannah and the Health Care Bill debate going on in DC. I'm kind of ready for them to just vote on it already, because I'm getting kind of bored.

Of course, the main purposes of these two Lenten abstinences (is that a word?) were to motivate me to lose weight (candy normally consists of about 1/3 of my diet) and to encourage me to read more books (don't get me wrong, I like to read, but I will always pick TV over a book, simply for its interactivity with other people, albeit indirect).

Like many of my self-improvement plans, this one has failed miserably. In lieu of candy, my ice cream intake has approximately tripled, and I am now watching TONS of news and am reading only in the last 5 minutes of my day. The news is on in the background whenever I am home. News programs totally know how to reel me in. They tease you with a really crazy story (Car Wash Owner Harassed Over 4 cent Tax Bill! Plane Lands in Middle of Highway!)...which will be on in exactly 32 minutes. ARGH! So, of course, I have to keep watching until the story I really want pops up.

Alright, y'all. I gotta go try and get to sleep. Hope everyone set their clocks and watches and checked their fire alarms.

Crap. I am still totally awake. Maybe I will see what's on the news....

Monday, March 08, 2010

All By Myself

Now that you have that song stuck in your head (hate me?)...




For three weeks. And 20 minutes into it, so far, it is A-W-E-S-O-M-E. I feel like I am on vacation. Think of me how you will, but the Ex-F (that's CN to most of you) just left to go out of town for...


And I am soooooooo happy. He has been driving me bonkers lately. You see, he's having a hard time understanding that we are no longer together. My evidence?

I received a birthday present. (a nice gesture, I will say)
I received a Christmas present. (also a nice gesture)
I received a Valentine's Day present. And card. Which ended with "Love, CN"

Think about it. When was the last time you gave your ex any or all of the above? I thought so. To make it even more awkward, his mom still says hi to me when she calls, which is (again) nice, but really not necessary. I have slowly been trying to distance myself from him. But it's not easy.

If I am making dinner, and didn't consult him or invite him, he gets angry and sulks.
If I don't welcome him home at the end of the day, he sulks.
If I say anything which implies we are no longer an item or that I am no longer in love with him, he sulks.

I am sick and tired of all the sulking. It's manipulative and irritating. Because if I don't go over to him and apologize and soothe him, he will never stop sulking. It's gone on for as long as 48 hours before I give in. UGH. And lately, I have been not making as much of an effort to de-sulk him. Because I don't effing care anymore. We are over. Sorry it ended this way, it's not like I planned it. But we are not together anymore, so stop acting like it. Build a bridge already!

Ok, now that I have exposed myself as a cruel and heartless bitch, I will go on. Venting over for the time being.

I think that little dating he did a few weeks back was just something he was trying to distract himself with. His heart wasn't really in it. Yesterday, he was acting very strangely, and after asking him a MILLION times to just tell me (because that's fun), he told me he was sad about us. I have those days, too, sometimes, so I understand. But when you have no hobbies and no friends, it's kind of hard to get out of that slump and sad mood. To get over crap times in your life, you need a support network of friends and interests. He has neither, despite my pleading with him about how much it would benefit his level of happiness.

(Y'all, I am not exaggerating -- the man really has little interest in anything outside of the NFL and watching TV, and he has never had many friends because he is both paranoid and refuses to put himself out there. Yes, these two aspects of his personality played a role in our breaking up. I got tired of always being social director.)

Ok, so I lied about the venting being over.

Last night, Ex-F announced he was going to look into moving out when he gets back from his work trip. Thank effing gawd. We have been staying here as roomies (ask me how fun that is, btw) for 6 months, and although I love saving all this money, I am about to lose my mind. Not only is it an awkward living situation, but I am on Sulk Patrol, I can't really date and I'm rapidly becoming majorly annoyed with the fact that he feels the need to hog up all the space in the refrigerator with 7 different types of drinks. And he is SO LOUD all the time. Howard Stern (which I abhor) is blared all day long at 56 decibels.

Whoa. I didn't realize how annoyed I was until I started writing this post!

Anyway, at this point, I am ok with sucking it up for a few months and paying for the rent by myself. I may not even move when the lease is up. I don't think I will be able to find anything with as much space, quiet and safety for any less. The only problem?

My tenant (in my house in SC) is moving out in 3 weeks. I currently do not have a replacement tenant. So this might get interesting, financially. Add to that, my plan B fell through -- did I tell you about the married couple I know who said they would be willing to share a house w/me when my lease is up? Well, I just found out they renewed their lease for another year, which means they are not moving in August as originally planned. Looks like I am out on my own.

Rats. Oh well. I have not lived alone in a while, and I am DYING to. Ex-F never leaves the house, which means I am never alone at all. Never. All day, every day. Unless I leave the house. Which gets old, because sometimes I want to just crash in front of the TV in my jammies, not get in my car to go somewhere and be anonymous in public. Why do I always have to be the one to leave?

In case you are wondering why I am not considering moving out, here are the reasons:

1. Ex-F really cannot afford this rent on his own. I can (even though it means I will be eating PB&J sandwiches for lunch every day). The last thing I want to do is dick him over some more.
2. Knowing him, he will return from his trip all happy and perfectly content with staying put. He talks a big game, but always opts for whatever is easiest in life (another personality trait I don't like.)
3. Until I get a tenant in my house in SC, I need to stick with whatever is cheapest, and right now, that means staying put and convincing Ex-F to stay put, too.

Ugh. Boy did I learn my lesson. I am NEVER living with a man again until I get married. Whenever that is.

Thanks for letting me vent. And if you think I'm a bitch, that's ok. Maybe I am. But living with Mr. Sulkface who has no friends or interests other than stocking an army's worth of drinks in the fridge would get on your nerves,too. Trust me.