Thursday, September 14, 2006

Thursday 13


Thirteen Signs I'm Turning into My Mother

1. I have said, "That's pretty, but how do you clean it?" (This one literally made me gasp in shock the second it flew out of my mouth. I clapped my hand over my mouth instantly. Then I called Czarina to tell her what I just said. We had a good laugh.)

2. I walk at around 35 miles per hour. I have things to do, people. Keep up or stay at home.

3. I have described someone as "milque toast" and have a deep disdain for those kind of people. I, too, want to "squash them like a bug." Mealy-mouth ninnies.

4. Stress and worry give me insomnia now.

5. As a new pet owner, I now know that "a little dog hair never killed anyone."

6. I have perfected my fake, polite laugh. I use it around boring people who think they are funny.

7. Sometimes, when I call people, I don't want to chew the fat or tell them I love them. I need information from them, and then I want to get off the phone. I don't understand why some people are offended by this. The telephone is a communication tool, after all. They know I love them.

8. I am 5 minutes late for everything.

9. Reliability is my middle name. If you need the world conquered by 10 am, you need to call me or Czarina. We are your girls.

10. Everyone needs my advice. Without having to ask for it. This may or may not be delivered in a way often described as "bossy." Don't take it personally.

11. My tongue is sharpened to the keenest of points. I am not as afraid to use it as I once was. (I have inherited my mother's ability to make anyone, even Mother Theresa, feel like an asshole with my one-liners. We are way past "guilt trips" here, folks. Czarina and I are professionals. Don't try this at home.)

12. Efficiency is next to Godliness.

13. I have "space cadet" moments. Today, I left my wallet at the car place. I have never ever left my wallet (or anything that important) anywhere before. The car place then called me to say they had my wallet, thank God. I was mortified--I pride myself on being very "together". Ha! Not any more. I am officially 80% Mom as of today.

Then again, when I got there, they informed me that I hadn't forgotten it, but had accidentally dropped it and hadn't noticed. Maybe I'm not a Czarinette after all...

6 comments:

Random Musings Of My Life said...

Good list..
Ha ha
I swear we are related

Virginia Belle said...

random-- really? i thought i was a freak or something. thanks! :)

Stuck said...

I need the world conquered, but you can have longer than a 10am deadline. I'll contact you again about this once I'm President.

Vote for Stuckey in 2012... it'll be the last election you have. (I figure that platform alone will get me the couch potatoe demographic. They'll never have to feel guilty about not voting again.)

Stuck said...

Stupid rogue 'e' jumped onto my potato...

Laugh now, Mr. E... but your time will come.

anny said...

mealy mouth ninny! is that a southern saying or something? cuz the only other time i heard it was in gone with the wind. LOL i always wished for an opportunity to say it!

Gypsy said...

Mealy mouthed ninny! Gone With the Wind! :)

You won't want to walk with me. I walk at like 12 feet per hour or something similar.