Thursday, January 17, 2008

Thursday 13

Thirteen Diet Thoughts

1. This f**king blows. I want cake. Any cake. A big piece, with lots of chocolate frosting. And then I want a whole bag of Spicy Nacho Doritos. And I want it all inside my body as soon as possible.

2. I have to diet, or else I will continue to blimp up like a whale, and then I really will be fat enough to be on Biggest Loser. And then I won't be able to take it off, and I will die an early, weight-related death. Which would really suck. So this has to be a permanent lifestyle change, like quitting drinking or quitting smoking. But unfortunately, unlike cigarettes or alcohol, it is impossible to quit eating entirely. Which is why I think this is so hard for me. I am really good at quitting stuff. Not so good at cutting back. Cutting back is a slippery slope to me. My brain doesn't compute that concept.

3. It is a miracle that the package of Oreos I bought on Sunday remain sitting on my kitchen counter, unopened. Oreos are on my list of "Foods I Would Possibly Cut Off a Pinky Toe For". (I am making an Oreo-crust cheesecake this weekend for a dinner party, and then promptly donating all leftover Oreos to someone who can enjoy them without crying as they eat them.)

4. For some reason, this time around, the exercising part is fun and not so bad, but the dieting part is making me cranky and bitchy. And I'm really REALLY hating it. I feel punished, I feel deprived, I feel resentful and I am hungry. Every other time I have tried to get in shape, the dieting part hasn't been so bad. But this time is different for some reason.

5. Then again, it could be my hormones...they are also being blamed for #1. I read somewhere once that when a woman is having her "time", her body burns an extra 100 calories per day. This statement was obviously written by a man, because any woman of menstruating age knows that it's more like an extra 90,000 calories per day. Seriously, y'all, I could clean out my fridge in one sitting right now. And my pantry. And then hit Taco Bell. I hope this aching hunger goes away next week. I am starting to have a deep suspicion that I am possibly addicted to sugar and melted cheese. And it kind of scares me.

6. I am currently keeping my hands occupied with typing this blog post in order to stop myself from grabbing a spoon and a jar of peanut butter. I just knocked on wood that I will soon grow too sleepy to have enough energy to eat. Sometimes, this works. Thank God I am not a night owl.

7. This would be a good post for my readers to leave comments like, "You can do it!" and "You are Willpower Queen! Don't undo all your hard work in one moment of weakness!!" and "Take it one day at a time!"

8. This would be a bad post for my readers to leave comments like, "You are SO not fat, VB! You are incredibly thin, actually! Go eat those Oreos!" or "CN will like you no matter how fat you get! Who cares?"

9. I have lost a whopping 1 pound since January 1st.

10. Which is why I am now treating myself like a child and literally writing down everything that goes in my mouth. I figure, if I'm going to act like a child, I will treat myself like a child. I have this little notebook where I write it all down. The pages are all wrinkled from the tears I cry as I list everything. Ok, not really. But it paints a sympathetic picture, right?

11. This means that months from now, I can tell you what I had for lunch on March 2nd. Which seems vaguely scary to me....

12. The anonymous blog comment I received on my cooking blog telling me that I am "still fat" didn't help my self-esteem much. And he's fucking stupid if he thinks I can't figure out who it is.

13. But it did motivate me. And now, I am one hard-working fat girl, with a determined, little, skinny bitch inside, clawing her way out.


tallglassofvino said...

hang in there.
you can do it!
you ARE the willpower queen.
who looks hot in her new car.
while driving to the gym.
because exercising releases endorphins
that make us happier
and candy just spikes our bloodsugar
and the crash makes us feel bad
and very soon
that anonymous commenter
is going to see a whole new you
slimmer, happier, and
he's going to gain 2 lbs,
eating his heart out.

KT said...

Hey VB..... You know I love you and I am proud of your hard work already. It isn't easy nor is it meant to be, but I know you can do it and will be so proud of the end results. Just keep on it, don't give up no matter the progress...and if you feel like it is not helping. That is when it makes the biggest difference. YAY VB....."Team VB" is behind you 100%!! xoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Phantom Hater said...

The anon comment was a pretty dick move. Of course you can do it. Just replace your low-calorie activities with higher calorie-burning ones. Ditch snuggling for a tandem run w/CN. Instead of plain-ol' low-calorie missionary, do some athletic stuff involving hanging from ceiling beams or playground swings.

Becky said...

you can do it honey! i am RIGHT there with ya. i'm not working out yet but i am dieting and keeping note of everything i put in my mouth these days. it SUCKS!!!!!

Stuck said...

Even though you said not to leave comments like this, I'm going to say that I think you looked fine last night.

But if you really do want pointers on how to avoid the munchies and whatnot, I'll write-up a list of what I'm doing. The first step, though, you've already hit on. It's not a diet. It's a lifestyle change.

(PH is also right about making the sex more "active." It's a pretty good cardio workout if you can keep it going for 20 minutes or more. But you'll be sore the next day!)

Amber said...

The lifestyle change this is so hard. I'm doing the same thing right now, and the exercise this time is easy; the dieting, not so much. I've been through all of these emotions as well in the past few weeks and so I know where you're coming from. While it may not be much consolation for you, it helps me to know I'm not the only one who struggles like this.

sassafras said...

Awww...VB this is the hard part. Changing behaviors is hard and it takes a while to adjust. So, you're just about there. It IS worth it in the end and you are hanging in there like a champ! Keep it up =)

Matilda Jane said...

You know what helps? Don't keep anything good in your house, and be too lazy to go to the grocery store.... oh, and walk the dogs about a mile a day so they are too tired to get up in the middle of the night and wake me up... works for me!

Megan said... half way through your post I had to stop and journal what I had eaten today.

Life style change.

It sucks. I want to eat...everything.

Baja Hockey Fan said...

Right there with ya. I am having a hard time all the way around but it is getting better. Have you tried the Kashi frozen meals. they are really good. It tastes like you made it yourself.

There is a good website that I found today that helps you track what you eat and lets you set a goal weight and date and tells you how many pounds you have to lose per week.

Good luck.

Coco said...

it's so, so, so hard. Something I've always struggled with, and I hate to be one of those people who is obsessed with what they eat and talk about it all the time, or all the weight they've lost, or what program they are doing. That just seems mentally unhealthy. But, you SO have the strength to do it-and just keep thinking about how healthy you are making yourself, and not so much about some fantastically small dress size you want to fit into-that's the important part!

Phantom Hater said...

"literally writing down everything that goes in my mouth."
*every* thing? you don't have to write CN on the list. lmao

GrewUpRural said...

While I was in college, I used to walk 10 miles 3-4 times a week. I watched my diet but still indulged with my sweets and ice cream. (Hell will freeze over before I give up ice cream!) I was able to drop about 40 pounds. For me, exercising allowed me to relieve stress, which in turn helped limit the emotional eating.

My weight has fluctuated a little since then, but I have managed to keep off 30 pounds since the beginning of college.

It's really hard at first to get used to exercising and dieting, but don't give up. It's cliche, but you need to take baby steps when starting. You definitely have the willpower to do so.

RWA said...

You can do it!

You are Willpower Queen!

Don't undo all your hard work in one moment of weakness!!

Take it one day at a time!

I am confident the "determined, little, skinny bitch" will win out in the long run.

Smug said...

You can do this! Go to it will help! You are already doing a great thing by keeping track of everything that you eat. This will help you learn the times of day and days of the month that are hardest for you. Try things like, if you eat really good all week, you can have some treat on Sunday's. Spark will help, there is a huge support system there. Good luck - and check out my blog if you want to see what I have been doing in this area!! It all sucks!

teahouse said...

Hey, I've seen photos of you, and you are definitely NOT fat!!

And you shouldn't deprive yourself too much; it will just make you cranky and likely to rebound. I think it's fine to eat what you want and make up for it by exercising more.

Thought about taking up a martial art? It's done wonders for me..and I'm getting fit and slim without even realizing it.

Christina said...

My problem is not the dieting but the exercising. I can not seem to get my butt to the gym. I am determined everyday after work to go but always find some sort of excuse or when I come home to change I get sidetracked with something else. And mornings are out of the question since I am NOT a morning person.

Don't focus so much on the pounds you lose. The best judgment is the size of your clothes. And the more you deprive yourself of something the hard it becomes you also risk gaining more. I agree with Teahouse.

Good luck! We know you can do it! :)

Jonathan Zero said...


(said in best Rob Schneider voice in every Adam Sandler film)

Seriously though, you can do it.