Monday, June 16, 2008

Absent Minded

Can someone please stop the ride? I'd like to get off! It's not fun anymore!

My life and my brain are jammed full. I seriously cannot take anymore. When you have to schedule when you are going to take the full garbage bag from your kitchen to your garbage can (which is only on the side of your house), you know your life is ridiculous.

I'm not whining. Ok, yes I am. This is my damn blog, and I'll whine if I want to. But look at what I'm juggling:

1. FT job, complete with MASSIVE project, entailing a bunch of writing, emails and meetings. Keep in mind that I don't really know what I'm doing on this project. And that I'm a procrastinator. It's ugly, y'all.

2. PT job, where your ass is grass if you don't clock in/out on time. Keep in mind that punctuality is not my strong suit. (I have yet to be late though! Hi fives to me!) So I stress about getting there. I have realized only too late that although everyone is expecting me to eventually move to the Clinique counter, I don't want to go. Especially since I'm planning on quitting right before Thanksgiving, so that I won't have to work the hell that is the Holiday Mall Job. So I have to pretend that I'm striving for the cosmetics department, when in reality, I have no desire to move. Or stay. Shhh!

3. I am dog sitting for MJ this week. Which is fine -- I probably owe her about 4 dog sitting turns. And Cornbread (her dog) is extremely low-maintenance. I'm just concerned about the fact that I'm working 12 hour days pretty much until the 25th. I will be able to feed and walk the dogs, but playtime? Forget it!

4. 12 hour days + no time to cook = poor food choices. 12 hour days = total exhaustion = lack of exercise. You don't have to do any math to calculate how this is impacting my waistline. Or energy levels. Or sleep patterns. Helllllllllooooooo insomnia!

5. For reasons which remain unclear, it is my job to find the fireworks for this year's annual party at The Czarina's. The party consists of approximately 75 people, all anticipating the legendary Belle Family Fireworks Finale over their 6th stiff drink. (Have I told you that fireworks are big in my family? Yeah. The Czarina's uncle owns a fireworks company in Kansas City. The Belles heart fireworks. Because of 9/11, my relatives in KC cannot mail us gigantic boxes of flammable fireworks like they used to do, back in the good ol' days.) It has fallen on me to make sure this year's show doesn't suck. As if I don't have anything else to do. To make it really interesting, I have known about this for a month, but I totally forgot until yesterday afternoon, when The Czarina called for a progress report. Oops.

6. BOTH of my bosses decided to take big, fat vacations this month. That means I can't talk to Dildo's boss about my jacked up schedule. (She's got me working 25 hours per week, which is WAY too much!) And I am responsible for a bunch of extra stuff while my FT boss is out of town. I have just given myself a headache, typing this.

7. I am now seeing my friends once every two weeks at best. I'm worried it will affect my friendships. And even though CN lives across the street, and we see each other a lot, the vast majority of our conversations involve me asking for favors: "Will you walk Sammy? Turn my sprinklers on? Get my mail? Bring me food? Put my clothes in the dryer?" Or a 5 minute "how was your day?" catch up. To make it extra fun, I'm now always too tired or busy for quality time. Of any kind.

8. Big Brothers Big Sisters called. They have a Little Sister picked out for me. (YAY!!) So I have to call them back and schedule a meeting with the Little. I think that will have to be in......July. Afterwards, I have to hang out with my Little for 4 hours per month. Somehow.

With all of this crap in my brain, I'm starting to forget things and mix up things. A lot of people have been saying to me, "Don't you remember? We talked about that the other day." I have also noticed that my brain is always in a fog. Like I can't focus on anything, because I'm trying to remember everything. I am so focused on "Where am I supposed to be right now? What am I supposed to be doing?" that I can't think about anything else. Like my blog. Or returning emails. Or my big project at work. My brain thinks, "Ok, you made it. You are where you're supposed to be. Good job!" -- and then it turns off. When it's supposed to be just getting started.

At the end of the day, it's the opposite problem: my brain won't turn off. And when your day ends at 10:00pm, dammit, you want some alone time with your tv and your dog. Which means you don't get to bed until 11pm. And then you stare at the ceiling until midnight. Ugh.

Don't forget, I'm wrapping up the month of June with a 4-day visit to The Czarina's, complete with the introduction of CN to my entire family and close family friends. Because that won't be stressful.


If my life were a video game, this is the part where I would intentionally jump off a cliff, because this level is too difficult. I need to go down a level. Back to sanity. Leave this one to the experts.

On the upside, my bank account makes me smile now. :)

Ugh. Ok, I have to go. I need some Excedrin....


Stella said...

Damn girl. While not gourmet, healthy choice meals and lean cuisine are easy in a pinch. I dissed them for a long time but they are actually not too bad.

Sam said...

Amy's something or other is really good-organic and usually low on the calories. (I figured another good frozen food choice would be useful) You need a day off!!

Meghan (The Declaration of MY Independence) said...

Keep it up my friend! Yes, it seems like a big stress right now, but just think, all of your credit card debt will be paid off soon enough and you'll be SOOOO happy you did this!

If you need anything, just let me know!

teahouse said...

Hey, I know just how you feel. My life has turned into this horrendous too-high-level video game as well.

LOL about the part where you'd intentionally jump off a cliff!! What a great analogy!

Virginia Belle said...

stella -- yeah, but after so much dieting, i'm SO burned out on those things. the meat is so....fake. but i guess i should stock up....i don't have a choice!

sam-- i live in the South. we don't know what organic or healthy food IS. ;) and yes, i do need a day off.

meghan -- yes, it does feel good, i have to admit....

teahouse -- good to know i'm not alone. we just gotta hang in there, i guess.

Coco said...

I feel soooo bad for you! I know exactly how you feel, kind of like you're dying a little inside every day, and all that will be left at the end is a hollow shell that reports in to work on a regular basis. :( I hope it lets up for you soon, and that you don't have to stay at Dildo's long!

Becky said...

omg youre brain is fried cuz you got way too muchgoing on woman!

Phantom Hater said...

"To make it extra fun, I'm now always too tired or busy for quality time. Of any kind."

Poor CN. I think you should use some of your PT money to buy yourself a stand-in who can handle some of the stuff you don't have time for or hang out with your friends or boyfriend. Or maybe you could clone yourself like in that Michael Keaton movie. The problem is, of course, one clone always turns out to be a downright bastard.

I think it would be cool if you made several clones of you that each represented one of the personality types you write about (Horny, Good Point, Panic, etc.)and let them run different aspects of your life. I smell sitcom gold!