Hi, everyone. I miss you. I miss blogging and reading other blogs like I used to. I would like to say that I will be blogging more, but I don't know if I will. You see, my day usually goes like this:
5am (sometimes) -- get up and go for a run or hit the gym. Ok, full disclosure.....lately, it's been like, twice a month. Usually I sleep in until....
6:30am -- wake up at boyf's, walk and feed dog. Eat breakfast, then go to my house to get ready for work.
9am -- go to work. Yes, it takes me that long to get ready. There is significant dawdling. Unfortunately, I am already supposed to be at work at this time.....
9:20 -- actually arrive at work. I am lucky to have a boss that doesn't care I do this every day. Mostly because she spends the vast majority of her day on the phone, arguing with her lawyer or yelling at her soon-to-be-ex-husband. Or dealing with some other personal life fiasco. I detest my job. My boss is a big part of it. Don't get me wrong, she's a really nice, funny, cool person. I would totally go on vacation with her. I just hate working for her. I should really write a post about work...I have venting that needs to be done.
5:20 -- time to go home. Yes, I make up all the time because I was raised Catholic and if I don't work exactly 40 hours/week, I will go to Hell. If you're not Catholic in any way, you will never understand this.
5:40 -- get home, walk dog, put on comfy clothes (bye-bye, bra!). Boyfriend calls me to have our daily debate: will I make dinner at my house or will I make dinner at his house or will we go out to dinner. I hardly ever make dinner at my house, despite the fact that I much MUCH prefer cooking at my place (he doesn't have a vegetable peeler....or many other things you need to cook with. Which is fine, because he's a bachelor. But lugging my kitchen stuff over to his house all the time gets old sometimes.) He usually wins the debate. Which is fairly logical, because, as he points out, I always spend the night over at his house anyway. (He has a queen-size bed. Nuff said.)
Sometime in the evening -- I get to his house. We usually watch Jeopardy while eating dinner. Then we watch more tv until I fall asleep at 10pm. He is a freak who needs 5 hours of sleep every night, so he stays up.
If you review the list above, you will notice a lack of the following lifestyle activities: exercise, hanging out with girlfriends, blogging, puttering around my own house and doing things that do not involve a screen -- TV or otherwise. Unless we are at work or a doctor's appointment, we are probably together.
...and that is why I have put on 15 pounds. And why my house is a mess. And why I haven't paid my taxes yet. Or done any number of me-time things. Like blog. Or buy some new iTunes. The only reason I am doing this today is because I took the day off.
If you're anything like me, right now you are screaming at your computer, saying, "Dude! What are you doing? You have morphed into a 'we' and have forgotten the 'me'! This is not healthy for you or your relationship! Carve out some me time -- STAT!"
And you'd be right. But trust me, it's easier said than done. Mostly because he is my most favoritest person EVER in the whole world and I never get sick of hanging out with him. When I do have "VB time", I spend a lot of it wishing he was with me -- I just wish he was in the other room so I can get some stuff done.
Now, before you all begin gagging yourselves with spoons, I can tell you that we do argue. We have some things we will never agree on, like the fact that I would like his home to be free of cats and he would like it if I would be better about taking my dirty dishes to the kitchen. (I am notorious for leaving them on the coffee table.) But there is no one I'd rather argue with. Does that make sense?
I recently read an article where the author interviewed several couples. Each couple has been married for eons, and the author was trying to crack the case: what is the secret to a long marriage? Typically, the answer was never defined in this piece (article FAIL), but one part did stick out to me:
Author, addressing ancient husband: Did you ever have moments where you didn't want to be with her?
Ancient husband: Not be with her? What? No. Never. But did I ever want to kill her? YES. Many times.
And I totally understood.
So yes, it is going splendidly. We agree that this is what we've both been looking for all these years and we can't believe we dated all those other people who were so wrong for us. We talk about the future all the time. He gets upset if I speak of my future in a way that implies I'd be doing it as a single woman. We have named our children. Well, ok, we have named the first one. If it's a girl. I have started to realize that my future doesn't make sense if he's not in it. To quote The Princess Bride, it's inconceivable. Even The Czarina and MJ are asking me "So..............are you engaged yet????"
I have to reassure them that RingWatch 2013 is still on. But knowing him, he has stuff planned and up his sleeves, and I am totally clueless. Who knows. Part of me is screaming, "I AM 34!!!! LET'S GET A MOVE ON!!!" but and equal part of me is just happy I found him and I'm enjoying the ride. Ok, that's a lie. It's more like 80/20, respectively. My ovaries are shriveling, people. This ratio may grow even more lopsided if personal milestones continue to pass by without any bended knees taking place. New Year's? Nope. Valentine's Day? Earrings instead. (Which I adore, for the record.) Birthday? Well, at this point, he's 48 hours late....so I'm not holding my breath. Some of you are doing the math and wish to point out that we've only been dating for 9 months. To that, I say, shut the hell up because you're probably a smug married with a baby on your knee. When you know, you know. May 23rd will be one year, so perhaps then???
I have come to realize that good relationships are just as difficult to manage and understand as bad ones. With other guys (read: most of the jerks I dated), I was so wrapped up with "Does he really love me? Is he interested in committing?" Most of my mental energy was wrapped up in determining if he liked me. Now, most of my mental energy is split between 1) doing what I need to do to make this relationship a priority in my life and keep him happy and 2) figuring out how to fit him into my life without losing myself in the process. So it's a juggling game. I'm trying to navigate it. If you sagacious smug marrieds have any advice on how to do this, please impart your wisdom. I wish I could say I feel smothered...........but I don't. This is making it difficult.
In a deliciously serendipitous finale to this post, he and I just called each other at the exact. same. moment. We are ridiculous.
Showing posts with label shit i got fat. Show all posts
Showing posts with label shit i got fat. Show all posts
Friday, March 01, 2013
Sunday, December 30, 2012
Long Absence
Hello, my ever-patient readers! Yes, I am still here in Richmond, and still loving it. I know it has been a long, long time since I've posted last. This is due in large part to the fact I have fallen in love with the guy I've been dating since last May. Remember the blind date? We've been inseparable ever since. He's got everything I've been looking for for so many lonely, single-girl years: brains, good looks, a great family, ambition, great sense of humor, similar goals, similar beliefs, common interests.......and he's a great kisser. What more could a girl ask for?
We spend a great deal of time together (he only lives 5-10 minutes away) and I would not feel comfortable blogging around him (I'd feel I'm being rude) or talking about him without his knowledge, so I have not been blogging. But I will tell you that I am very, very happy, and so is he. Yes, we have talked about getting married and having babies. I have had my last first date. :)
Other than that, not a lot has changed this year. Here are some updates:
I still have the same job, and it's ok. Not the greatest job, but not the worst. I'd love to change careers or get into a job that is better suited to my talents (I really REALLY miss supervising), but I'm enjoying all the low-stress and time off that my current job provides. So it's not the end of the world.
My family is the same, although my brother, Fat Dog, and his wife had a beautiful baby girl, so now I am Aunt VB. Yay!!!It is difficult to suppress the urge to buy My Little Ponies for a 4 month old. I like to joke that I've already started a prom dress fund for her.
I have caught the running bug and now prefer that to all other forms of exercise. I sprained my ankle pretty badly last September, which meant I had to cancel my plans to run a half marathon. I was really disappointed, but it will be on my bucket list for 2013.
Speaking of being in shape, I am a shape.........it is round. Nothing like being in love over the holidays (read: double-up on family get-togethers) to pack on the pounds. Ugh. I am dying to get back out there, but am super busy. And being busy = more restaurant food. It's easy to do the math, even for me. I am trying to get organized and run errands while I have a few days off work, so the next couple of days are not looking good. Hopefully, it is not too cold to run outside this coming week, as the gym will be packed with New Year's "Resolutioners" until further notice. Also, I got this for Christmas, and I'm dying to use it. (Good gift, boyfriend!!!!)
One of the things the boyfriend and I have in common is a shared interest in Russia. We are both fascinated by its history and culture. To catch up with him, I have started to learn Russian. He's practically fluent in Russian, after spending 3 summers there in college. It's not coming to me as easily as I'd hoped. It's my first Slavic language, and my first non-Roman alphabet, so I'm definitely out of my comfort zone. But I can say several things at this point.
I have paid off my car. Woo hoo!!!!
Sammy injured his eye (big corneal scrape) when he escaped through the fence at boyfriend's house, but after 3 months, at least 8 vet trips (including a vet eye specialist!) and $1,000 (yes, a grand), his eye is fine.
I have met several girlfriends and enjoy hanging out with them, but most of my social life involves my boyfriend. He's my favorite person to hang out with, and vice versa. I have been trying to make a bigger effort on the girlfriend front, but it's hard, since most of them are single and want to go out and meet guys in bars late at night (not really my scene anymore). The ones who are not single are super busy, so double dating is difficult to wrangle. So I do the occasional lunch and have joined a book club. I like a lot of the girls I have met, but no one has really clicked with me yet.
I think I will work on this for the new year. Maybe I'll add it to my bucket list, although it may not be a good candidate. A girl I met here does an annual bucket list: 3 things every year she needs to accomplish/do. None of the goals should involve assistance from/reliance on others, so you can't blame anyone else if you don't accomplish them. She has so much fun doing it, and I have been inspired. I only have 2 things thus far:
Ok, I have to go and get some things done. I just wanted to let you know I'm here, and I'm happy and I love living in Richmond. I'm not sure where this blog will go next, but I think that as long as I can leave the vast majority of my love life out of this blog, I will be ok with that. I hope you all understand. Everything else is on the table, though!
I'll try and post again soon. I hope you're all having lovely holidays and will have a glorious New Year, full of hope, luck and fantastic experiences!!!!!!!!!!!
We spend a great deal of time together (he only lives 5-10 minutes away) and I would not feel comfortable blogging around him (I'd feel I'm being rude) or talking about him without his knowledge, so I have not been blogging. But I will tell you that I am very, very happy, and so is he. Yes, we have talked about getting married and having babies. I have had my last first date. :)
Other than that, not a lot has changed this year. Here are some updates:
I still have the same job, and it's ok. Not the greatest job, but not the worst. I'd love to change careers or get into a job that is better suited to my talents (I really REALLY miss supervising), but I'm enjoying all the low-stress and time off that my current job provides. So it's not the end of the world.
My family is the same, although my brother, Fat Dog, and his wife had a beautiful baby girl, so now I am Aunt VB. Yay!!!It is difficult to suppress the urge to buy My Little Ponies for a 4 month old. I like to joke that I've already started a prom dress fund for her.
I have caught the running bug and now prefer that to all other forms of exercise. I sprained my ankle pretty badly last September, which meant I had to cancel my plans to run a half marathon. I was really disappointed, but it will be on my bucket list for 2013.
Speaking of being in shape, I am a shape.........it is round. Nothing like being in love over the holidays (read: double-up on family get-togethers) to pack on the pounds. Ugh. I am dying to get back out there, but am super busy. And being busy = more restaurant food. It's easy to do the math, even for me. I am trying to get organized and run errands while I have a few days off work, so the next couple of days are not looking good. Hopefully, it is not too cold to run outside this coming week, as the gym will be packed with New Year's "Resolutioners" until further notice. Also, I got this for Christmas, and I'm dying to use it. (Good gift, boyfriend!!!!)
One of the things the boyfriend and I have in common is a shared interest in Russia. We are both fascinated by its history and culture. To catch up with him, I have started to learn Russian. He's practically fluent in Russian, after spending 3 summers there in college. It's not coming to me as easily as I'd hoped. It's my first Slavic language, and my first non-Roman alphabet, so I'm definitely out of my comfort zone. But I can say several things at this point.
I have paid off my car. Woo hoo!!!!
Sammy injured his eye (big corneal scrape) when he escaped through the fence at boyfriend's house, but after 3 months, at least 8 vet trips (including a vet eye specialist!) and $1,000 (yes, a grand), his eye is fine.
I have met several girlfriends and enjoy hanging out with them, but most of my social life involves my boyfriend. He's my favorite person to hang out with, and vice versa. I have been trying to make a bigger effort on the girlfriend front, but it's hard, since most of them are single and want to go out and meet guys in bars late at night (not really my scene anymore). The ones who are not single are super busy, so double dating is difficult to wrangle. So I do the occasional lunch and have joined a book club. I like a lot of the girls I have met, but no one has really clicked with me yet.
I think I will work on this for the new year. Maybe I'll add it to my bucket list, although it may not be a good candidate. A girl I met here does an annual bucket list: 3 things every year she needs to accomplish/do. None of the goals should involve assistance from/reliance on others, so you can't blame anyone else if you don't accomplish them. She has so much fun doing it, and I have been inspired. I only have 2 things thus far:
- Run a half marathon, preferably in a town that is not Richmond
- Take more photos (if anyone has any advice on how to make this goal easier to do, as well as how to make it more specific and measurable, that would be great! I never take photos and I need to change that.)
- TBD....I need to think of another goal/change to make. Any ideas, readers??? I am learning Russian right now......perhaps I can continue on that. Or is that boring because I have already been doing that? Perhaps I should get my finances in order or take a trip..........
Ok, I have to go and get some things done. I just wanted to let you know I'm here, and I'm happy and I love living in Richmond. I'm not sure where this blog will go next, but I think that as long as I can leave the vast majority of my love life out of this blog, I will be ok with that. I hope you all understand. Everything else is on the table, though!
I'll try and post again soon. I hope you're all having lovely holidays and will have a glorious New Year, full of hope, luck and fantastic experiences!!!!!!!!!!!
Monday, July 11, 2011
The 5 Ps
Wow, I haven't posted in a while. Let me see if I can sum up stuff:
Parenting -- The Czarina, a good friend of the family and my favorite aunt came down to visit me a few weeks ago. There was much shopping and laughing and dating advice (directed at me, of course). They all harped on me for being too picky and judgmental and for writing off guys before I even meet them. I countered with the fact that I refuse to settle and vow to keep my standards high. Therefore, no, I am not interested in flirting with guys who I can tell are not smart. I am tired of meeting cute guys who have nothing between their ears. I want someone who can stimulate me intellectually. They were baffled by this and can't believe I am not flirting like crazy with the hot (and yes, ok, they are hot) firemen across the street. But show me the fireman who can talk about politics, philosophy or anthropology! They don't exist! As soon as I make out with one, and my hormones get all stimulated, I will begin justifying all their flaws and end up in a dead end relationship. My mother and aunt disagreed completely and told me I was being judgmental. Am I? Probably. So I promised them I would try and be more open-minded.
Pressure -- We had a big re-org at work about 2 weeks ago. It was pretty crazy. The Gorilla got fired (thank goodness -- he was so toxic!). I know it sounds like I am taking pleasure from another's misfortune, and well, ok, I guess I am a little. Wrong, I know. But mostly, I am just relieved, as I'm sure he is. He was such a bad fit and he was miserable. So, this was really better for everyone. We also had to lay off one girl, which was NOT part of the original plan. We felt really badly about it. Now New Girl (my other half at work -- seriously, I love this girl) and I are working with a skeleton crew. It's going to be bumpy and stressful for a bit, but I think we will get there. There are a few people who now have totally new jobs and have to be trained from scratch -- so it's a little wonky at the moment. Luckily, there was minimal drama and most people are happy or they at least understand why we did what we did. Some people even got promotions, so that is good. Man, I am glad that is over. It was all I thought about for 2 months.
Peppy -- I have 2 new neighbors. One I will call Peppy. She lives across the hall from me and even though my coworkers call me Susie Sunshine, even I can barely handle this girl's too-happy and perky personality. She minors in performing arts, so she sings all the time. While she is a talented singer, it's kind of annoying. I sing when I'm alone, too, but quietly. This girl belts it out. And it's usually show tunes or cheesy romantic songs. Argh. As if this wasn't bad enough, she found a dog on the side of the road, and I'm worried she is going to keep it. This dog barks. And barks and barks and barks. Then it whines and whines and whines. Any time Peppy is not home or asleep, let the barking and whining begin. Kind of annoying. For some unexplainable reason, she thinks I am interested in being friends. Which is fine. But she found me on Facebook and friended me. What the heck?! I can't deny the request -- I will see her soon enough. I hate being pressured into being FB friends. (That goes for you, too, you weird cousin of mine!!!) Sorry, I have a weird cousin. I try to deny the friendship requests, but they keep coming. Luckily, he lives in South America, so it's a lot easier to deny him....sorry, now I am off-topic.
Miss Perfect -- I have another new neighbor who lives upstairs. I will call her Miss Perfect. Obviously, she is not perfect, but I certainly can't see any flaws: she looks like a supermodel (she doesn't even need to wear makeup, y'all, it's kind of sick), she's really in shape (triathalons are her main hobby -- what?!), her apartment is gorgeous (makes mine look like a dorm room) and she's smart (she has a PhD in Psychology). She has no debt, other than her car. Yeah. Oh, and did I mention that she is incredibly nice, friendly and has a fun personality? And that she thinks I am cool? Yeah. This girl is unreal. To make her even more awesome, she is my age AND single. Yeah. Believe it or not, this chick is single. Don't get me wrong, she has already met someone after living here for only 3 weeks. But she's not that into him. Something she can totally afford to do.
In short, she's the girl I hate to love. I hate her. But I can't, 'cause she's really nice and cool. So I have to admit that I like her. Even though I feel like I have just been slimed by the Envy Monster. *sigh* And my feelings of inadequacy are causing me to wonder why she wants to hang out with me. Because she's new in town and doesn't know anyone? Probably. I predict I will be friend-dumped as soon as she finds someone more worthy to hang out with. Wow, I am cynical today, aren't I?
My first inclination that she and I come from two different worlds was when I confessed to her that I have put on a lot of weight in the last few years, but that I was trying to make some changes and get back in shape (I first met her as I was coming back inside from a run). "Oh, I know what you mean. I am in love with junk food, too. Last week, I ate an ENTIRE watermelon. And that's basically just sugar." I was totally speechless. How many calories are in an entire watermelon? Like, 100? I decided to stay mum about my ability to eat two candy bars in one sitting, as I proved to myself a week ago. Wow. Talk about feeling like a loser. Who is this girl???
I'm trying to use her as inspiration. You see, she is super optimistic about her love life -- something that is very refreshing to my pessimistic, cynical view of the opposite sex. She is not giving up, but trying harder. She's one of those super goal-oriented people. And I have to admit, it's kind of awesome. "Ok, your goal is to get a date for this coming weekend," she said to me yesterday over coffee. "Um, yeah! Ok!" I replied, while thinking, "Yeah, right, lady. I'm overweight and my self-esteem isn't the greatest. I have essentially resigned myself to living alone for ever and wouldn't be able to attract Weird Al Yankovic right now." But somehow, she talked me into signing up for eHarmony. And I'm super broke right now (long story). But I did it anyway. This girl is not taking no for an answer. She wore me down. She's right. I can't give up. I have to keep trying.
Positive Attitude -- So, if nothing else, Miss Perfect is giving me a swift kick in my ass. Which is probably exactly what I need. Here's to hoping that some of her perfection and optimism rubs off on me. Let the games begin!
Parenting -- The Czarina, a good friend of the family and my favorite aunt came down to visit me a few weeks ago. There was much shopping and laughing and dating advice (directed at me, of course). They all harped on me for being too picky and judgmental and for writing off guys before I even meet them. I countered with the fact that I refuse to settle and vow to keep my standards high. Therefore, no, I am not interested in flirting with guys who I can tell are not smart. I am tired of meeting cute guys who have nothing between their ears. I want someone who can stimulate me intellectually. They were baffled by this and can't believe I am not flirting like crazy with the hot (and yes, ok, they are hot) firemen across the street. But show me the fireman who can talk about politics, philosophy or anthropology! They don't exist! As soon as I make out with one, and my hormones get all stimulated, I will begin justifying all their flaws and end up in a dead end relationship. My mother and aunt disagreed completely and told me I was being judgmental. Am I? Probably. So I promised them I would try and be more open-minded.
Pressure -- We had a big re-org at work about 2 weeks ago. It was pretty crazy. The Gorilla got fired (thank goodness -- he was so toxic!). I know it sounds like I am taking pleasure from another's misfortune, and well, ok, I guess I am a little. Wrong, I know. But mostly, I am just relieved, as I'm sure he is. He was such a bad fit and he was miserable. So, this was really better for everyone. We also had to lay off one girl, which was NOT part of the original plan. We felt really badly about it. Now New Girl (my other half at work -- seriously, I love this girl) and I are working with a skeleton crew. It's going to be bumpy and stressful for a bit, but I think we will get there. There are a few people who now have totally new jobs and have to be trained from scratch -- so it's a little wonky at the moment. Luckily, there was minimal drama and most people are happy or they at least understand why we did what we did. Some people even got promotions, so that is good. Man, I am glad that is over. It was all I thought about for 2 months.
Peppy -- I have 2 new neighbors. One I will call Peppy. She lives across the hall from me and even though my coworkers call me Susie Sunshine, even I can barely handle this girl's too-happy and perky personality. She minors in performing arts, so she sings all the time. While she is a talented singer, it's kind of annoying. I sing when I'm alone, too, but quietly. This girl belts it out. And it's usually show tunes or cheesy romantic songs. Argh. As if this wasn't bad enough, she found a dog on the side of the road, and I'm worried she is going to keep it. This dog barks. And barks and barks and barks. Then it whines and whines and whines. Any time Peppy is not home or asleep, let the barking and whining begin. Kind of annoying. For some unexplainable reason, she thinks I am interested in being friends. Which is fine. But she found me on Facebook and friended me. What the heck?! I can't deny the request -- I will see her soon enough. I hate being pressured into being FB friends. (That goes for you, too, you weird cousin of mine!!!) Sorry, I have a weird cousin. I try to deny the friendship requests, but they keep coming. Luckily, he lives in South America, so it's a lot easier to deny him....sorry, now I am off-topic.
Miss Perfect -- I have another new neighbor who lives upstairs. I will call her Miss Perfect. Obviously, she is not perfect, but I certainly can't see any flaws: she looks like a supermodel (she doesn't even need to wear makeup, y'all, it's kind of sick), she's really in shape (triathalons are her main hobby -- what?!), her apartment is gorgeous (makes mine look like a dorm room) and she's smart (she has a PhD in Psychology). She has no debt, other than her car. Yeah. Oh, and did I mention that she is incredibly nice, friendly and has a fun personality? And that she thinks I am cool? Yeah. This girl is unreal. To make her even more awesome, she is my age AND single. Yeah. Believe it or not, this chick is single. Don't get me wrong, she has already met someone after living here for only 3 weeks. But she's not that into him. Something she can totally afford to do.
In short, she's the girl I hate to love. I hate her. But I can't, 'cause she's really nice and cool. So I have to admit that I like her. Even though I feel like I have just been slimed by the Envy Monster. *sigh* And my feelings of inadequacy are causing me to wonder why she wants to hang out with me. Because she's new in town and doesn't know anyone? Probably. I predict I will be friend-dumped as soon as she finds someone more worthy to hang out with. Wow, I am cynical today, aren't I?
My first inclination that she and I come from two different worlds was when I confessed to her that I have put on a lot of weight in the last few years, but that I was trying to make some changes and get back in shape (I first met her as I was coming back inside from a run). "Oh, I know what you mean. I am in love with junk food, too. Last week, I ate an ENTIRE watermelon. And that's basically just sugar." I was totally speechless. How many calories are in an entire watermelon? Like, 100? I decided to stay mum about my ability to eat two candy bars in one sitting, as I proved to myself a week ago. Wow. Talk about feeling like a loser. Who is this girl???
I'm trying to use her as inspiration. You see, she is super optimistic about her love life -- something that is very refreshing to my pessimistic, cynical view of the opposite sex. She is not giving up, but trying harder. She's one of those super goal-oriented people. And I have to admit, it's kind of awesome. "Ok, your goal is to get a date for this coming weekend," she said to me yesterday over coffee. "Um, yeah! Ok!" I replied, while thinking, "Yeah, right, lady. I'm overweight and my self-esteem isn't the greatest. I have essentially resigned myself to living alone for ever and wouldn't be able to attract Weird Al Yankovic right now." But somehow, she talked me into signing up for eHarmony. And I'm super broke right now (long story). But I did it anyway. This girl is not taking no for an answer. She wore me down. She's right. I can't give up. I have to keep trying.
Positive Attitude -- So, if nothing else, Miss Perfect is giving me a swift kick in my ass. Which is probably exactly what I need. Here's to hoping that some of her perfection and optimism rubs off on me. Let the games begin!
Sunday, November 28, 2010
Getting You--and Me--Up to Date
I know I am supposed to be writing more about Hong Kong. And I will. But today, I really need to blog about more current stuff.
Gosh, I went to Hong Kong 3 months ago. It's a good thing I took photos, because one day, my kids will hate me for never recording anything about my travels. I am so bad about that kind of stuff. If you are friends w/me on the Book of Face (aka Facebook), you can see all my Hong Kong photos there. Otherwise, just sit on your hands and try to be patient. When the mood strikes, I will talk about it.
We all know I have been a very absent blogger over the last year or so. Part of that was because of my hectic job and my exhaustion at the end of the day. Looking back on it now, it was also because I have been in a very bad place ever since I broke things off with Ex-F. Although I had come to terms with my decision, and have no regrets, I found myself unable and unwilling to bounce back from it. It affected me much more deeply than I first realized, and I didn't have much of a support network to help me work through it. The Ex-F was my support network, and let's face it-- that just wouldn't be healthy. The Czarina only felt relief and doesn't see much point in talking about things from the past. MJ is too far away and even she admits she never answers her phone. My friends here are nice enough, but not so close that I can have heart-to-hearts with them.
I am rapidly burning out at my job. I do not like living in Savannah. I have put on a little more weight (not a lot, but enough that I can't wear the pants I wore last year) and I have become a total hermit. Aside from one or two things I have going on, I spend the vast majority of my free time watching tv on my couch, alone with my dog, eating junk food. (Part of this is also due to my recent obsession with current events, so I am learning a lot -- it's not a total waste! But that is for another post.) To make a long story short, I have not been myself lately. I have been a sad shell of my formerly vibrant self. My recent lifestyle is nothing I would wish on anyone and is certainly no way for a young woman to live. I am supposed to be happy and have all these friends and be running around doing stuff. Over the last year, I have been more lonely, more hopeless and more sad than I have ever been in my whole life. But no one (except my mom and MJ) knows. But even they don't know how bad it is. I have been pretty low. Like, scary low.
That's why I haven't blogged about any of it. It would just be a giant pity party. No one wants to read Debbie Downer's blog.
I suppose a shrink would say that I am intentionally shielding myself from any chance that I will ever date again, as a way to punish myself for having broken someone's heart. Or that I am so afraid of failing and ending up alone that I would just rather not even try. At least then, if I die alone, it won't be because I effed up, but because the universe didn't come through for me. (What, you didn't know the universe is supposed to be finding me a new boyfriend? Yeah, do you see how wacked out I am on self-pity??) A physician would probably tell me to exercise and eat right, so that I would feel better, gain more self-confidence and improve my mood. The Czarina just tells me all my problems are because of my weight and if I would just lose weight all my problems would magically disappear. They are probably right. Well, I think The Czarina's logic is a little off, but she means well. She's not the most sympathetic person in the world, let's face it.
It's not like I've never been through a bad breakup before. Or been lonely. Or overweight. Or suffered from bouts of insecurity. But I've always bounced right back before. For some reason, this time it was different. I have no motivation to change, even though I am not happy where I am now. This bummed-out period has been longer. Much longer.
I don't think I am clinically depressed, but I have been hovering around it and wallowing in self-pity for over a year now. Maybe I am undiagnosed. "I have a great apartment and a great job, and that's enough," I have been lying to myself. I feel like I've been on the Negativity-go-Round for a year, and I'd like to get off. It's starting to make me wanna barf.
See how fun this is? Wheeee! I know you are so glad you stopped by.
But the good news is, I can see a light at the end of the tunnel. I think that all my praying is starting to pay off. I think I am slowly coming out of it. I have been taking long walks with Sammy, and they help to put me in a slightly better mood. I am going to try and do more fun things not involving my couch. I just found a new church to go to, so that is also a good thing. After tiring of my coworkers nagging me, I put up a profile on OK Cupid (an online dating site) -- and let me tell you, I am so NOT into it. I haven't even replied to any of the emails. I am going to attend/try/go to anything that sounds interesting or fun. Even if it costs money (one of my favorite excuses to sit on my couch!). I am going to try and meet more people. I am looking forward to having news to share with someone when they call me and want to know what's new.
I am not going out this way. This has gone on long enough.
Ok, stay tuned for more optimistic (and funnier!) posts. Maybe more frequent, too. No more Debbie Downer. She's had enough space in my brain.
Gosh, I went to Hong Kong 3 months ago. It's a good thing I took photos, because one day, my kids will hate me for never recording anything about my travels. I am so bad about that kind of stuff. If you are friends w/me on the Book of Face (aka Facebook), you can see all my Hong Kong photos there. Otherwise, just sit on your hands and try to be patient. When the mood strikes, I will talk about it.
We all know I have been a very absent blogger over the last year or so. Part of that was because of my hectic job and my exhaustion at the end of the day. Looking back on it now, it was also because I have been in a very bad place ever since I broke things off with Ex-F. Although I had come to terms with my decision, and have no regrets, I found myself unable and unwilling to bounce back from it. It affected me much more deeply than I first realized, and I didn't have much of a support network to help me work through it. The Ex-F was my support network, and let's face it-- that just wouldn't be healthy. The Czarina only felt relief and doesn't see much point in talking about things from the past. MJ is too far away and even she admits she never answers her phone. My friends here are nice enough, but not so close that I can have heart-to-hearts with them.
I am rapidly burning out at my job. I do not like living in Savannah. I have put on a little more weight (not a lot, but enough that I can't wear the pants I wore last year) and I have become a total hermit. Aside from one or two things I have going on, I spend the vast majority of my free time watching tv on my couch, alone with my dog, eating junk food. (Part of this is also due to my recent obsession with current events, so I am learning a lot -- it's not a total waste! But that is for another post.) To make a long story short, I have not been myself lately. I have been a sad shell of my formerly vibrant self. My recent lifestyle is nothing I would wish on anyone and is certainly no way for a young woman to live. I am supposed to be happy and have all these friends and be running around doing stuff. Over the last year, I have been more lonely, more hopeless and more sad than I have ever been in my whole life. But no one (except my mom and MJ) knows. But even they don't know how bad it is. I have been pretty low. Like, scary low.
That's why I haven't blogged about any of it. It would just be a giant pity party. No one wants to read Debbie Downer's blog.
I suppose a shrink would say that I am intentionally shielding myself from any chance that I will ever date again, as a way to punish myself for having broken someone's heart. Or that I am so afraid of failing and ending up alone that I would just rather not even try. At least then, if I die alone, it won't be because I effed up, but because the universe didn't come through for me. (What, you didn't know the universe is supposed to be finding me a new boyfriend? Yeah, do you see how wacked out I am on self-pity??) A physician would probably tell me to exercise and eat right, so that I would feel better, gain more self-confidence and improve my mood. The Czarina just tells me all my problems are because of my weight and if I would just lose weight all my problems would magically disappear. They are probably right. Well, I think The Czarina's logic is a little off, but she means well. She's not the most sympathetic person in the world, let's face it.
It's not like I've never been through a bad breakup before. Or been lonely. Or overweight. Or suffered from bouts of insecurity. But I've always bounced right back before. For some reason, this time it was different. I have no motivation to change, even though I am not happy where I am now. This bummed-out period has been longer. Much longer.
I don't think I am clinically depressed, but I have been hovering around it and wallowing in self-pity for over a year now. Maybe I am undiagnosed. "I have a great apartment and a great job, and that's enough," I have been lying to myself. I feel like I've been on the Negativity-go-Round for a year, and I'd like to get off. It's starting to make me wanna barf.
See how fun this is? Wheeee! I know you are so glad you stopped by.
But the good news is, I can see a light at the end of the tunnel. I think that all my praying is starting to pay off. I think I am slowly coming out of it. I have been taking long walks with Sammy, and they help to put me in a slightly better mood. I am going to try and do more fun things not involving my couch. I just found a new church to go to, so that is also a good thing. After tiring of my coworkers nagging me, I put up a profile on OK Cupid (an online dating site) -- and let me tell you, I am so NOT into it. I haven't even replied to any of the emails. I am going to attend/try/go to anything that sounds interesting or fun. Even if it costs money (one of my favorite excuses to sit on my couch!). I am going to try and meet more people. I am looking forward to having news to share with someone when they call me and want to know what's new.
I am not going out this way. This has gone on long enough.
Ok, stay tuned for more optimistic (and funnier!) posts. Maybe more frequent, too. No more Debbie Downer. She's had enough space in my brain.
Saturday, January 02, 2010
BYOB in the New Year
That's Bring Your Own Baggage, by the way. Certainly nothing to do with alcohol in my life! But if I did still drink, I would have a nice tall frosty one right now. Actually, make that some tequila shots.
CN is on a date.
As in....right now.
At dinner. With some girl.
And I'm ok with it. For the most part. It's kind of weird. There is a twinge of jealousy, I am not going to lie. Part of me feels like I should be the one to move on first, since I broke it off. In a lot of ways, I have moved on. But when he told me what he was doing tonight, it was all that much more evident to me that I am NOT NOT NOT ready to date anyone right now. No way, Jose. Flirt, yes. Check out a cute guy? Totally. Date? Nonononono. The thought of going on a date is just surreal to me at the moment. I want me time. Lots and lots of me time.
I'm kind of sad, though. Not only do I know it's over (obviously), but now I know that he knows it, too.
I have been psyching myself up all weekend to get going on resuming my diet/exercise regime. It's an annual event. Ha! Feeling all positive about myself....and wham. The ex has a date. And here I am, I weigh a ton (I am now too fat for my underwear....that's not a good sign), I cannot even remember how to date (because I am not putting myself out there because I am terrified), my self-esteem is rock bottom (due to weight issues) and I am now having a pity party while he's moving on. Good times. Please pass the Haagen-Daz.
I have been beating myself up all day about the fact I haven't really started dieting or exercising yet. Oh, and today (of course!) I was going through some old junk, and ran into all my leftover wedding planning stuff. As I am looking at it, feeling a little sad, he yells down the hall to tell me what his plans are for the evening. Classic.
The optimist in me won't let me throw it away, though. I kept all the torn out pictures of wedding dresses I like and kept the planner. It's now in storage in the garage.
So this news is kind of bad timing more than anything else. My esteem was already in the tanker. I am NOT going to have a pity party. I refuse. (Note: I have been sobbing through this entire post, so that is actually a bald-faced lie.) Feeling sorry for myself will only keep me miserable and let me remain overweight. I have GOT to pull up my bootstraps and get going with my life, instead of letting it take over and running the show. I am in charge. ME.
I am NOT too old. I am NOT too fat. I am NOT giving up. I am going to make this year ROCK if it's the last thing I do. I have two coworkers who want to exercise and lose weight, too, so I have buddies. One of them is single, too, and we've already talked about The Hot Girl Lifestyle. We will own it in 2010.
Things I am looking forward to:
1. I (think) I am buying a laptop soon. YAY! This will enable me to blog more/read blogs more, since I can get out of the house and have some computer privacy. (The lack of privacy, along with work's insanity have both played a role. I miss the blogosphere!) Anyone know who has free wi-fi? (On a semi-related note, is wi-fi trustworthy? Can I shop safely?)
2. Exercise. I cannot wait to run again. (You will notice I am notnotnot looking forward to the "diet" portion of the Sexy New Me program...) I already got new work out pants.
3. Moving. Again. (I am such a nomad, aren't I?) I don't know when. Perhaps I will need my own place sooner than I realized! I have been aching for it, lately. I'd hate to do it again so soon, and leave him with the big rent to pay all by himself, but I gotta do what I gotta do. I don't like the floorplan of this place, anyway. And I miss walking to work. Perhaps I can hold out until March, when the weather is nicer.
4. Getting back in touch with Single VB. She's been gone a loooong time, and hasn't really come out yet. I have been in my little comfort zone on the couch. Time to get out and about, doing things I want to do, fat or not. All work and no play makes VB a dull girl. And who wants to date a dull girl?
I am exercising tomorrow at 9am. I will be making my first *healthy* trip to the grocery store in a long time tomorrow, too. Now, if only I could find all my Weight Watchers paraphernelia...
CN is on a date.
As in....right now.
At dinner. With some girl.
And I'm ok with it. For the most part. It's kind of weird. There is a twinge of jealousy, I am not going to lie. Part of me feels like I should be the one to move on first, since I broke it off. In a lot of ways, I have moved on. But when he told me what he was doing tonight, it was all that much more evident to me that I am NOT NOT NOT ready to date anyone right now. No way, Jose. Flirt, yes. Check out a cute guy? Totally. Date? Nonononono. The thought of going on a date is just surreal to me at the moment. I want me time. Lots and lots of me time.
I'm kind of sad, though. Not only do I know it's over (obviously), but now I know that he knows it, too.
I have been psyching myself up all weekend to get going on resuming my diet/exercise regime. It's an annual event. Ha! Feeling all positive about myself....and wham. The ex has a date. And here I am, I weigh a ton (I am now too fat for my underwear....that's not a good sign), I cannot even remember how to date (because I am not putting myself out there because I am terrified), my self-esteem is rock bottom (due to weight issues) and I am now having a pity party while he's moving on. Good times. Please pass the Haagen-Daz.
I have been beating myself up all day about the fact I haven't really started dieting or exercising yet. Oh, and today (of course!) I was going through some old junk, and ran into all my leftover wedding planning stuff. As I am looking at it, feeling a little sad, he yells down the hall to tell me what his plans are for the evening. Classic.
The optimist in me won't let me throw it away, though. I kept all the torn out pictures of wedding dresses I like and kept the planner. It's now in storage in the garage.
So this news is kind of bad timing more than anything else. My esteem was already in the tanker. I am NOT going to have a pity party. I refuse. (Note: I have been sobbing through this entire post, so that is actually a bald-faced lie.) Feeling sorry for myself will only keep me miserable and let me remain overweight. I have GOT to pull up my bootstraps and get going with my life, instead of letting it take over and running the show. I am in charge. ME.
I am NOT too old. I am NOT too fat. I am NOT giving up. I am going to make this year ROCK if it's the last thing I do. I have two coworkers who want to exercise and lose weight, too, so I have buddies. One of them is single, too, and we've already talked about The Hot Girl Lifestyle. We will own it in 2010.
Things I am looking forward to:
1. I (think) I am buying a laptop soon. YAY! This will enable me to blog more/read blogs more, since I can get out of the house and have some computer privacy. (The lack of privacy, along with work's insanity have both played a role. I miss the blogosphere!) Anyone know who has free wi-fi? (On a semi-related note, is wi-fi trustworthy? Can I shop safely?)
2. Exercise. I cannot wait to run again. (You will notice I am notnotnot looking forward to the "diet" portion of the Sexy New Me program...) I already got new work out pants.
3. Moving. Again. (I am such a nomad, aren't I?) I don't know when. Perhaps I will need my own place sooner than I realized! I have been aching for it, lately. I'd hate to do it again so soon, and leave him with the big rent to pay all by himself, but I gotta do what I gotta do. I don't like the floorplan of this place, anyway. And I miss walking to work. Perhaps I can hold out until March, when the weather is nicer.
4. Getting back in touch with Single VB. She's been gone a loooong time, and hasn't really come out yet. I have been in my little comfort zone on the couch. Time to get out and about, doing things I want to do, fat or not. All work and no play makes VB a dull girl. And who wants to date a dull girl?
I am exercising tomorrow at 9am. I will be making my first *healthy* trip to the grocery store in a long time tomorrow, too. Now, if only I could find all my Weight Watchers paraphernelia...
Tuesday, November 11, 2008
Blogging Rut
Can you tell I'm in a blogging rut? It's just one of those times in your life where there isn't much going on, and I don't want to bore my readers with mundane things, so I just don't blog. Life hits lulls in action like this sometimes. Maybe it is the quiet before the storm?
Random updates..........(this will be super-random, I apologize, but it's been a long day at the library!)
First let me say that if you are a vet, thank you for serving our country. I cannot imagine the sacrifice our veterans have made over the decades and am grateful to all veterans for keeping us safe and free. If I could, I would be proud to shake your hand. :)
Yes, I am still obsessed with genealogy. I will spare you the details. But I haven't really been up to much else. That is so sad to type that, and then read it. And realize it's a statement about yourself...*sigh* I am 29, yet I live the life of an 83 year old. What can I say? I have never been cool. Why start now? There's no use in denying my lack of general hipness.
As I predicted in my last post, Lady Starfish did not call. I am not really surprised by that, and not really sure what to do. After a certain point, it takes two people to make a friendship work. I feel like I have always been the one to do the work. Then again, as we can see from the last paragraph, it's not like she's missing much.
Speaking of friendships...
Did I tell you that my roommate, E, moved out? She moved out at the end of October. Which is fine by me. Things had been...uncomfortable between us for some time. The random guy in her bed (uh, there's a post on it...somewhere...) was pretty much the nail in the coffin for our peaceful cohabitation. Although I will miss having the extra money, it is such a relief to know that I don't have to share my house with anyone else anymore. To be honest, she was driving me batty, and I don't know if I can even still be friends with her. What is that saying....familiarity breeds contempt? Yes, I think that sums it up pretty well. I might blog more about this at a later point. I'm starting to think that there is something wrong with me, as I am starting to not like most people the older I get....hmmm. This might deserve a post of its own...perhaps my personality is aging faster than my body? I am starting to feel like a cranky old fart trapped in an overweight young person's body......oh dear......
I didn't do much for Halloween. JP (my other partner in crime) and I went to MJ's house to give out candy to trick-or-treaters and watch a scary movie. The trick-or-treaters never showed up, so JP and I got to take home all the left over candy. Which is great if you have a sweet tooth, but BAD if you have a sweet tooth AND you're trying to lose weight. (And to answer your question, no, I have not lost any weight. And I don't want to talk about it.) We watched a movie called The Strangers, and it was pretty good. It definitely had some freaky moments.
After that, I got a pretty bad cold, so I felt like crap all last week-- up until yesterday, really. I was Kleenex Queen. All I wanted to do was take swigs from a bottle of Nyquil, nap on my couch and eat soup.
Let's see. What else has been going on.
Sammy has an ear infection.
MJ is dating a hot French guy.
I am getting back into working out again (still waiting for diet motivation to make an appearance, however...).
Last night, I dreamt that I was on a road trip with Barack Obama. I was riding shotgun in a beat-up pick up truck, and I said something funny, and we had a good laugh. That's all I remember.
Oh, and CN used the phrase, "...or I could get you a ring." the other day.
:0
Yup. You read that correctly. More later. I will keep you hanging for now!
Random updates..........(this will be super-random, I apologize, but it's been a long day at the library!)
First let me say that if you are a vet, thank you for serving our country. I cannot imagine the sacrifice our veterans have made over the decades and am grateful to all veterans for keeping us safe and free. If I could, I would be proud to shake your hand. :)
Yes, I am still obsessed with genealogy. I will spare you the details. But I haven't really been up to much else. That is so sad to type that, and then read it. And realize it's a statement about yourself...*sigh* I am 29, yet I live the life of an 83 year old. What can I say? I have never been cool. Why start now? There's no use in denying my lack of general hipness.
As I predicted in my last post, Lady Starfish did not call. I am not really surprised by that, and not really sure what to do. After a certain point, it takes two people to make a friendship work. I feel like I have always been the one to do the work. Then again, as we can see from the last paragraph, it's not like she's missing much.
Speaking of friendships...
Did I tell you that my roommate, E, moved out? She moved out at the end of October. Which is fine by me. Things had been...uncomfortable between us for some time. The random guy in her bed (uh, there's a post on it...somewhere...) was pretty much the nail in the coffin for our peaceful cohabitation. Although I will miss having the extra money, it is such a relief to know that I don't have to share my house with anyone else anymore. To be honest, she was driving me batty, and I don't know if I can even still be friends with her. What is that saying....familiarity breeds contempt? Yes, I think that sums it up pretty well. I might blog more about this at a later point. I'm starting to think that there is something wrong with me, as I am starting to not like most people the older I get....hmmm. This might deserve a post of its own...perhaps my personality is aging faster than my body? I am starting to feel like a cranky old fart trapped in an overweight young person's body......oh dear......
I didn't do much for Halloween. JP (my other partner in crime) and I went to MJ's house to give out candy to trick-or-treaters and watch a scary movie. The trick-or-treaters never showed up, so JP and I got to take home all the left over candy. Which is great if you have a sweet tooth, but BAD if you have a sweet tooth AND you're trying to lose weight. (And to answer your question, no, I have not lost any weight. And I don't want to talk about it.) We watched a movie called The Strangers, and it was pretty good. It definitely had some freaky moments.
After that, I got a pretty bad cold, so I felt like crap all last week-- up until yesterday, really. I was Kleenex Queen. All I wanted to do was take swigs from a bottle of Nyquil, nap on my couch and eat soup.
Let's see. What else has been going on.
Sammy has an ear infection.
MJ is dating a hot French guy.
I am getting back into working out again (still waiting for diet motivation to make an appearance, however...).
Last night, I dreamt that I was on a road trip with Barack Obama. I was riding shotgun in a beat-up pick up truck, and I said something funny, and we had a good laugh. That's all I remember.
Oh, and CN used the phrase, "...or I could get you a ring." the other day.
:0
Yup. You read that correctly. More later. I will keep you hanging for now!
Tuesday, September 23, 2008
Updates
1. CN's dad is home from the hospital. YAY! Although it's a lot easier on his mom now, she is still really stressed out. When CN and I went down to visit them this past weekend, I told her that she can call me if she needs someone to sit at the house while she runs errands or takes a nap or whatever. She will probably never take me up on the offer, but I wish she would. She's a bundle of nerves. As for CN's dad, he's in better shape emotionally. He's really happy to be home after staying in a hospital for 3 weeks. But physically, he's worse than ever. He can't even get out of bed or use his hands now. The radiation has basically fried his nerve endings and really weakened his muscles. And the radiation treatments (15 of them!) made his hair fall out. :( Luckily, a nurse comes by twice a day to help out. So things are better, but not good.
2. Did you hear about the plane crash?? The doctors are saying that Travis Barker and DJ AM should make a full recovery, so that's good. But it's so sad about the rest of the people on the plane. They think a blown tire caused the crash.
3. My roommate, E, is still hanging out with the Random Guy, despite how she told me she doesn't really like him. Ugh. I just do not like him. Have you ever met someone and instantly knew you should not trust them? That's how I feel about this guy. And I don't mean like I'm worried he's going to steal stuff. Not that kind of distrust. More along the lines of he's a player and just out to use women. That kind of distrust. The sketchy, lying kind. Anyway, I just sleep over at CN's house when he's over. That way, I don't have to worry about their beer-induced midnight romping. Ugh. (The upside? I think E feels a little guilty, because she's been taking out the trash and washing all the dishes. I am not complaining. I like this arrangement.)
4. MJ got free tix to the South Carolina football game this weekend, and she is taking ME!!! YAY!!!! We get free food and drinks at her company's tailgating area, too. WOO HOO!!! I have the bestest best friend ever. Not only is she WAY cooler than I am, she is also generous. OMG you have no idea how totally excited I am. There is nothing better than seeing the Gamecocks play live, in the stadium. Unless you've been to an SEC football game, you have no idea what I'm talking about. It's a total blast. It's so hard to get tickets, let alone FREE ones. This is SWEET.
5. I finally broke down and bought some new (ie, bigger) pants this weekend. While bummed that I now have to wear a size (ok, two sizes) larger than usual, I really did need some new work clothes. "I feel like I'm rewarding myself for getting fat," I said to CN. He made me feel better by reminding me that it's ok, because I'm doing what I can so I won't have to wear them for too long. I have been doing pretty well at cutting sugar from my diet and eliminating all snacks and fried foods. Next week, I will start to exercise a lot more, too. With any luck, I should be able to lose some weight here pretty soon. Keep your fingers crossed for me.
6. You might be saying to yourself right now, "Shopping? Football games? Gee, VB, it seems like you have a lot of free time lately." To which I reply, "Why, how observant of you, my dear reader!" I have decided to quit my part time job at Dildo's. I put in my 2 weeks notice a couple of weeks ago. I decided that I deserve a break. And I need to be able to support CN right now. I might get another part time job after the holidays are over, but for now, I am really looking forward to being able to clean my house, see my friends, sleep in, go to the gym, etc. My last day is tomorrow. I cannot even tell you how freaking excited I am to finally have a life again. I even bought a new cookbook in anticipation of all the cooking I will be able to do soon!
And I have paid off about $2500 in credit card debt! While not super amazing, it is a nice dent in my debt, and nothing to be ashamed of. I can still (hopefully) continue to pay it down, albeit more slowly than before.
7. My stalker hasn't bothered me, aside from a bunch of staring, which is creepy enough. But I never walk to my car alone, and my boss gave me permission to call security at any time if he says anything inappropriate to me. Unfortunately, the creepy staring isn't enough to have him removed. But at least my boss is backing me on this and taking it seriously. She was really concerned when I told her about it. So far, so good......
Ok, you're all caught up now. :) Thanks for reading. I'm off to go leave comments on other blogs...ta ta for now!
2. Did you hear about the plane crash?? The doctors are saying that Travis Barker and DJ AM should make a full recovery, so that's good. But it's so sad about the rest of the people on the plane. They think a blown tire caused the crash.
3. My roommate, E, is still hanging out with the Random Guy, despite how she told me she doesn't really like him. Ugh. I just do not like him. Have you ever met someone and instantly knew you should not trust them? That's how I feel about this guy. And I don't mean like I'm worried he's going to steal stuff. Not that kind of distrust. More along the lines of he's a player and just out to use women. That kind of distrust. The sketchy, lying kind. Anyway, I just sleep over at CN's house when he's over. That way, I don't have to worry about their beer-induced midnight romping. Ugh. (The upside? I think E feels a little guilty, because she's been taking out the trash and washing all the dishes. I am not complaining. I like this arrangement.)
4. MJ got free tix to the South Carolina football game this weekend, and she is taking ME!!! YAY!!!! We get free food and drinks at her company's tailgating area, too. WOO HOO!!! I have the bestest best friend ever. Not only is she WAY cooler than I am, she is also generous. OMG you have no idea how totally excited I am. There is nothing better than seeing the Gamecocks play live, in the stadium. Unless you've been to an SEC football game, you have no idea what I'm talking about. It's a total blast. It's so hard to get tickets, let alone FREE ones. This is SWEET.
5. I finally broke down and bought some new (ie, bigger) pants this weekend. While bummed that I now have to wear a size (ok, two sizes) larger than usual, I really did need some new work clothes. "I feel like I'm rewarding myself for getting fat," I said to CN. He made me feel better by reminding me that it's ok, because I'm doing what I can so I won't have to wear them for too long. I have been doing pretty well at cutting sugar from my diet and eliminating all snacks and fried foods. Next week, I will start to exercise a lot more, too. With any luck, I should be able to lose some weight here pretty soon. Keep your fingers crossed for me.
6. You might be saying to yourself right now, "Shopping? Football games? Gee, VB, it seems like you have a lot of free time lately." To which I reply, "Why, how observant of you, my dear reader!" I have decided to quit my part time job at Dildo's. I put in my 2 weeks notice a couple of weeks ago. I decided that I deserve a break. And I need to be able to support CN right now. I might get another part time job after the holidays are over, but for now, I am really looking forward to being able to clean my house, see my friends, sleep in, go to the gym, etc. My last day is tomorrow. I cannot even tell you how freaking excited I am to finally have a life again. I even bought a new cookbook in anticipation of all the cooking I will be able to do soon!
And I have paid off about $2500 in credit card debt! While not super amazing, it is a nice dent in my debt, and nothing to be ashamed of. I can still (hopefully) continue to pay it down, albeit more slowly than before.
7. My stalker hasn't bothered me, aside from a bunch of staring, which is creepy enough. But I never walk to my car alone, and my boss gave me permission to call security at any time if he says anything inappropriate to me. Unfortunately, the creepy staring isn't enough to have him removed. But at least my boss is backing me on this and taking it seriously. She was really concerned when I told her about it. So far, so good......
Ok, you're all caught up now. :) Thanks for reading. I'm off to go leave comments on other blogs...ta ta for now!
Tuesday, September 16, 2008
I Now Pronounce You...Diet Queen
**Updated!!**
Have I told you that my friend (and MJ's old roommate) KT is getting married next June?
Yup.
Did I mention that KT asked me to be a bridesmaid?
She did. I accepted.
Today, I was informed that the bridesmaid dresses have been selected. They will be light green and are described by KT as "sexy". Here is a photo of the dress:
Pretty, right? Except for that one part where KT describes the dress as "sexy". This is an ominous word to anyone who is currently 30 pounds overweight, such as yours truly. Especially when that person has hips as wide as the Mississippi. And the dress is clingy in the hip area. For me to wear dresses like this AND still have the ability to sit down, it is necessary that I lose a LOT of inches in the hip/ass area of my body.
"Ok, I might need to think about getting serious in the diet and exercise arena in preparation for this wedding," I thought to myself.
"This will be good. You were looking for some motivation to get going on losing some weight," I thought.
"And even if you don't lose a ton of weight, like you should, at least everyone will be looking at the bride, not you," I comforted myself.
"And at least you love the light green color she picked out," I thought.
Then MJ pointed out that the other bridesmaids are probably all aerobics instructors, like KT.
[Insert panic here.]
Now, if you will excuse me, I have 14 miles to run, followed by a dinner of water and 3 grapes.
Update on Tuesday morning: I only had ONE twizzler yesterday. Everything else I ate was relatively nutritional. :) It's a start, right??? Hopefully, I will be going to the gym tonight. No time like the present!
Have I told you that my friend (and MJ's old roommate) KT is getting married next June?
Yup.
Did I mention that KT asked me to be a bridesmaid?
She did. I accepted.
Today, I was informed that the bridesmaid dresses have been selected. They will be light green and are described by KT as "sexy". Here is a photo of the dress:
Pretty, right? Except for that one part where KT describes the dress as "sexy". This is an ominous word to anyone who is currently 30 pounds overweight, such as yours truly. Especially when that person has hips as wide as the Mississippi. And the dress is clingy in the hip area. For me to wear dresses like this AND still have the ability to sit down, it is necessary that I lose a LOT of inches in the hip/ass area of my body.
"Ok, I might need to think about getting serious in the diet and exercise arena in preparation for this wedding," I thought to myself.
"This will be good. You were looking for some motivation to get going on losing some weight," I thought.
"And even if you don't lose a ton of weight, like you should, at least everyone will be looking at the bride, not you," I comforted myself.
"And at least you love the light green color she picked out," I thought.
Then MJ pointed out that the other bridesmaids are probably all aerobics instructors, like KT.
[Insert panic here.]
Now, if you will excuse me, I have 14 miles to run, followed by a dinner of water and 3 grapes.
Update on Tuesday morning: I only had ONE twizzler yesterday. Everything else I ate was relatively nutritional. :) It's a start, right??? Hopefully, I will be going to the gym tonight. No time like the present!
Monday, July 21, 2008
Groundhog Day
**WARNING** There is an obscene amount of whining and bitching in this post. Skip if you don't feel like listening today. Don't worry. I won't have time to notice a lack of comments.
Groundhog Day.
Have you seen the Bill Murray movie? I haven't, but based on what I've heard, I probably should. Apparently, it's about a man who has to re-live the same day over and over.
Oh, how I can relate.
Ironically, I don't have time to watch it. I'm too busy living my own Groundhog Day.
CN told me about an old "In Living Color" skit about the Hedleys, a family of Jamaicans, caught in a one-upmanship of employment. But the end of the skit, their claims are pretty outrageous:
I can relate to that skit, too: "I don't have time. I have to go to work." Sometimes, I feel like I work 12 jobs.
My full-time job is on the same schedule every week. My part time job is on the same schedule every week. With a few small gaps, these two schedules mesh perfectly together all week long. My house isn't so much of a home as it is an extremely dirty hotel room to me. I hurry between my bed, my main job and my part time job, only to repeat it again and again and again. Day in and day out, with each job session connected to the next, like a circled chain. I feel like I'm stuck in the pilot episode of an extremely popular dramadey: "Broadcast tonight with no commercial interruptions."
You have no idea what I would give for a goddamn commercial interruption. Time to sleep, time to clean, time to sit on my couch and BREATHE. Time to do laundry, time to cook a real meal, time to actually SEE my friends, instead of just texting them sporadically. Time to play with my dog and wander around Target.
My schedule is so strict, that if I don't get an errand done early Thursday morning, it doesn't get done. Period. I have to plan when to fill up my gas tank. I forget to go to the bathroom, only to realize I needed to pee 3 hours ago. Or I am baffled as to why I'm suddenly so thirsty, only to realize that it's 3pm, and the last thing I drank was the 6am coffee that morning. I am so concerned with the "OMG! I'm late! Where am I supposed to be? What am I supposed to be doing?" that I'm forgetting to do little things, like water my yard, return phone calls or make deposits at the bank. I find myself really looking at my priorities: unload the dishwasher or shave my legs? Iron the clean shirt, or dig through the dirty clothes to find something that will pass? Sleep or eat?
And lately, with my brain's dial set to the "Go! Do! Now!" setting, I'm having a hard time turning my body off at the end of the day, no matter how exhausted I am. That means that now, I am starting to get insomnia.
Hoo fucking ray.
Btw, this is on top of the constant headaches and gastro-intestinal issues I've already developed, thanks to my super fun new schedule.
And if you are someone who is good friends with/dating/married to someone who works two jobs, you would be The Most Awesome Person in the World if you would offer to run errands for that person. Or vaccuum their living room. Or cook them a meal. Or throw their clothes in the dryer. Instead of saying things like, "Yeah, I'm going on vacation to your most favoritest place in the world! Wish you could go with me! But you have to work, right?" or "My day? Oh, I just sorta watched tv today. Went to the gym. Took a nap. Not much." Saying these things might get your head ripped off, instantly and without apology.
So much for the Public Service Announcement portion of this blog post...and yes, CN did say that 2nd one to me the other day. But I was too exhausted to do anything more than whimper. Thinking about it pisses me off. A lot. But how can you ask your boyfriend to vacuum your living room for you, when getting the 2nd job was your idea in the first place? *sigh*
You can imagine how much fun I am to be around. Let me tell you, I am a *peach*. If I had my wish right now, I would scream at a stranger, and then have a good cry and a nap. It's sort of what I imagine being pregnant is like. Exhaustion, frustration and hopelessness. It's not going to end for months. And months. What have I gotten myself into? Why did I think this was a good idea? Is it too late to go back to the good ol' days?
Those of you who are mothers, work two jobs or have otherwise absurd numbers of juggled balls in the air, I salute you. Seriously, how the fuck do you do this without either losing your mind or turning into a supreme mega bitch?
I know what you are asking. "VB, why not just take a sick day? Call in, take a day off, you will feel better!" To which I reply:
1. I need much MUCH more than a day off. I need like a week off. Complete with clean sheets, a massage and fruity drinks. A pile of books, a big TV and a totally blank calendar. One day off wouldn't be a drop in the bucket. I had last Sunday off. It wasn't enough. It was nice to cook, don't get me wrong. But it wasn't enough. I need a Decompression Period.
2. I can't take a day off from my library job. I am working on Super Massive Huge Project, remember? And it's due on August 1st. I am about 85-90% done. So until it is done, no can do. To be perfectly honest, I have no business typing this blog post right now. I don't technically have time. But I have to do it, or I might kill a kitten or something.
3. I can't call in sick to Dildo's. First of all, it would only give me 3 hours off, and 3 evening hours isn't enough, either. Besides, they tend to fire people who call in. Not that it matters. I might quit today anyway.
Too bad my poor Dildo's manager has no idea what's coming for her at 6pm tonight. It is I, in all of my exhausted rage, and I have every intention of getting in her face and being a total bitch. Without warning. This is why:
1. Every employee gets one full weekend and one additional Sunday off per month. To date, I have had one weekend and two Sunday off. Over a 3 month period. Also, no Dildo's employee is supposed to close every Saturday. I have. So I think I've been getting screwed. This is not making me happy. Especially since that ONE weekend off was spent at my mother's house. So think about aaaaaaaall the stuff you have done in the last 11 weekends. I have not had that time at all. It was spent standing on my feet.
2. I have brought up the fact that I am not a machine to my manager, who replies with either, "Sorry, that's Dildo's policy." or "I didn't give you that day off? I'm sorry! I will fix it!" -- Both replies piss me off. Because they both communicate the same message: "I don't care!" It's bad enough hearing this message from any manager. But when it comes from the mouth of a 23 year old bimbo who spends most of her time at work doing nothing except flirting with another manager, you pretty much want to rip her face off.
This past weekend, I became fed up. After asking my worthless Dildo's manager for a weekend off this month THREE times, she "forgot" to change my schedule before she called in sick for a three day weekend so she could hang out with her boyfriend. So I had to work all weekend, AGAIN. If you are looking at a calendar right now, you will see that there are 4 weekends in July. Three of which have already passed without her fixing my schedule.
That means, there's only one weekend left. It's inventory weekend. No one is supposed to have that weekend off. So I know she's going to tell me I can't have this coming weekend off, either. And that's when I will punch her in the face. My goal is to break her nose in the process. I think that under the circumstances, the judge will be merciful.
"Give me Friday, Saturday and Sunday off, or I quit. Now." -- is what I will say. I know it doesn't sound like much of a threat, but that's because you don't know she's had some major turnover in her department lately. (My guess is because she never gives anyone any fucking days off.) So she is MEGA short handed at the moment.
And if she doesn't go for it? Fine by me. I was planning on quitting soon, anyway. Because I just cannot take this any more. At this point, maybe being in debt is worth a little sanity. Who knew how important weekends are to your psyche?? I mean, yeah, I'm making $150-200 a week. But at what price? I feel like shit. My house smells. I haven't exercised in three months. I am exhausted mentally, physically and emotionally.
Fuck. I'm late. I gotta go. I was supposed to go to lunch 45 minutes ago. Sorry about all the bitching and whining. I will try and be funner tomorrow. :\
Groundhog Day.
Have you seen the Bill Murray movie? I haven't, but based on what I've heard, I probably should. Apparently, it's about a man who has to re-live the same day over and over.
Oh, how I can relate.
Ironically, I don't have time to watch it. I'm too busy living my own Groundhog Day.
CN told me about an old "In Living Color" skit about the Hedleys, a family of Jamaicans, caught in a one-upmanship of employment. But the end of the skit, their claims are pretty outrageous:
I can relate to that skit, too: "I don't have time. I have to go to work." Sometimes, I feel like I work 12 jobs.
My full-time job is on the same schedule every week. My part time job is on the same schedule every week. With a few small gaps, these two schedules mesh perfectly together all week long. My house isn't so much of a home as it is an extremely dirty hotel room to me. I hurry between my bed, my main job and my part time job, only to repeat it again and again and again. Day in and day out, with each job session connected to the next, like a circled chain. I feel like I'm stuck in the pilot episode of an extremely popular dramadey: "Broadcast tonight with no commercial interruptions."
You have no idea what I would give for a goddamn commercial interruption. Time to sleep, time to clean, time to sit on my couch and BREATHE. Time to do laundry, time to cook a real meal, time to actually SEE my friends, instead of just texting them sporadically. Time to play with my dog and wander around Target.
My schedule is so strict, that if I don't get an errand done early Thursday morning, it doesn't get done. Period. I have to plan when to fill up my gas tank. I forget to go to the bathroom, only to realize I needed to pee 3 hours ago. Or I am baffled as to why I'm suddenly so thirsty, only to realize that it's 3pm, and the last thing I drank was the 6am coffee that morning. I am so concerned with the "OMG! I'm late! Where am I supposed to be? What am I supposed to be doing?" that I'm forgetting to do little things, like water my yard, return phone calls or make deposits at the bank. I find myself really looking at my priorities: unload the dishwasher or shave my legs? Iron the clean shirt, or dig through the dirty clothes to find something that will pass? Sleep or eat?
And lately, with my brain's dial set to the "Go! Do! Now!" setting, I'm having a hard time turning my body off at the end of the day, no matter how exhausted I am. That means that now, I am starting to get insomnia.
Hoo fucking ray.
Btw, this is on top of the constant headaches and gastro-intestinal issues I've already developed, thanks to my super fun new schedule.
And if you are someone who is good friends with/dating/married to someone who works two jobs, you would be The Most Awesome Person in the World if you would offer to run errands for that person. Or vaccuum their living room. Or cook them a meal. Or throw their clothes in the dryer. Instead of saying things like, "Yeah, I'm going on vacation to your most favoritest place in the world! Wish you could go with me! But you have to work, right?" or "My day? Oh, I just sorta watched tv today. Went to the gym. Took a nap. Not much." Saying these things might get your head ripped off, instantly and without apology.
So much for the Public Service Announcement portion of this blog post...and yes, CN did say that 2nd one to me the other day. But I was too exhausted to do anything more than whimper. Thinking about it pisses me off. A lot. But how can you ask your boyfriend to vacuum your living room for you, when getting the 2nd job was your idea in the first place? *sigh*
You can imagine how much fun I am to be around. Let me tell you, I am a *peach*. If I had my wish right now, I would scream at a stranger, and then have a good cry and a nap. It's sort of what I imagine being pregnant is like. Exhaustion, frustration and hopelessness. It's not going to end for months. And months. What have I gotten myself into? Why did I think this was a good idea? Is it too late to go back to the good ol' days?
Those of you who are mothers, work two jobs or have otherwise absurd numbers of juggled balls in the air, I salute you. Seriously, how the fuck do you do this without either losing your mind or turning into a supreme mega bitch?
I know what you are asking. "VB, why not just take a sick day? Call in, take a day off, you will feel better!" To which I reply:
1. I need much MUCH more than a day off. I need like a week off. Complete with clean sheets, a massage and fruity drinks. A pile of books, a big TV and a totally blank calendar. One day off wouldn't be a drop in the bucket. I had last Sunday off. It wasn't enough. It was nice to cook, don't get me wrong. But it wasn't enough. I need a Decompression Period.
2. I can't take a day off from my library job. I am working on Super Massive Huge Project, remember? And it's due on August 1st. I am about 85-90% done. So until it is done, no can do. To be perfectly honest, I have no business typing this blog post right now. I don't technically have time. But I have to do it, or I might kill a kitten or something.
3. I can't call in sick to Dildo's. First of all, it would only give me 3 hours off, and 3 evening hours isn't enough, either. Besides, they tend to fire people who call in. Not that it matters. I might quit today anyway.
Too bad my poor Dildo's manager has no idea what's coming for her at 6pm tonight. It is I, in all of my exhausted rage, and I have every intention of getting in her face and being a total bitch. Without warning. This is why:
1. Every employee gets one full weekend and one additional Sunday off per month. To date, I have had one weekend and two Sunday off. Over a 3 month period. Also, no Dildo's employee is supposed to close every Saturday. I have. So I think I've been getting screwed. This is not making me happy. Especially since that ONE weekend off was spent at my mother's house. So think about aaaaaaaall the stuff you have done in the last 11 weekends. I have not had that time at all. It was spent standing on my feet.
2. I have brought up the fact that I am not a machine to my manager, who replies with either, "Sorry, that's Dildo's policy." or "I didn't give you that day off? I'm sorry! I will fix it!" -- Both replies piss me off. Because they both communicate the same message: "I don't care!" It's bad enough hearing this message from any manager. But when it comes from the mouth of a 23 year old bimbo who spends most of her time at work doing nothing except flirting with another manager, you pretty much want to rip her face off.
This past weekend, I became fed up. After asking my worthless Dildo's manager for a weekend off this month THREE times, she "forgot" to change my schedule before she called in sick for a three day weekend so she could hang out with her boyfriend. So I had to work all weekend, AGAIN. If you are looking at a calendar right now, you will see that there are 4 weekends in July. Three of which have already passed without her fixing my schedule.
That means, there's only one weekend left. It's inventory weekend. No one is supposed to have that weekend off. So I know she's going to tell me I can't have this coming weekend off, either. And that's when I will punch her in the face. My goal is to break her nose in the process. I think that under the circumstances, the judge will be merciful.
"Give me Friday, Saturday and Sunday off, or I quit. Now." -- is what I will say. I know it doesn't sound like much of a threat, but that's because you don't know she's had some major turnover in her department lately. (My guess is because she never gives anyone any fucking days off.) So she is MEGA short handed at the moment.
And if she doesn't go for it? Fine by me. I was planning on quitting soon, anyway. Because I just cannot take this any more. At this point, maybe being in debt is worth a little sanity. Who knew how important weekends are to your psyche?? I mean, yeah, I'm making $150-200 a week. But at what price? I feel like shit. My house smells. I haven't exercised in three months. I am exhausted mentally, physically and emotionally.
Fuck. I'm late. I gotta go. I was supposed to go to lunch 45 minutes ago. Sorry about all the bitching and whining. I will try and be funner tomorrow. :\
Monday, June 16, 2008
Absent Minded
Can someone please stop the ride? I'd like to get off! It's not fun anymore!
My life and my brain are jammed full. I seriously cannot take anymore. When you have to schedule when you are going to take the full garbage bag from your kitchen to your garbage can (which is only on the side of your house), you know your life is ridiculous.
I'm not whining. Ok, yes I am. This is my damn blog, and I'll whine if I want to. But look at what I'm juggling:
1. FT job, complete with MASSIVE project, entailing a bunch of writing, emails and meetings. Keep in mind that I don't really know what I'm doing on this project. And that I'm a procrastinator. It's ugly, y'all.
2. PT job, where your ass is grass if you don't clock in/out on time. Keep in mind that punctuality is not my strong suit. (I have yet to be late though! Hi fives to me!) So I stress about getting there. I have realized only too late that although everyone is expecting me to eventually move to the Clinique counter, I don't want to go. Especially since I'm planning on quitting right before Thanksgiving, so that I won't have to work the hell that is the Holiday Mall Job. So I have to pretend that I'm striving for the cosmetics department, when in reality, I have no desire to move. Or stay. Shhh!
3. I am dog sitting for MJ this week. Which is fine -- I probably owe her about 4 dog sitting turns. And Cornbread (her dog) is extremely low-maintenance. I'm just concerned about the fact that I'm working 12 hour days pretty much until the 25th. I will be able to feed and walk the dogs, but playtime? Forget it!
4. 12 hour days + no time to cook = poor food choices. 12 hour days = total exhaustion = lack of exercise. You don't have to do any math to calculate how this is impacting my waistline. Or energy levels. Or sleep patterns. Helllllllllooooooo insomnia!
5. For reasons which remain unclear, it is my job to find the fireworks for this year's annual party at The Czarina's. The party consists of approximately 75 people, all anticipating the legendary Belle Family Fireworks Finale over their 6th stiff drink. (Have I told you that fireworks are big in my family? Yeah. The Czarina's uncle owns a fireworks company in Kansas City. The Belles heart fireworks. Because of 9/11, my relatives in KC cannot mail us gigantic boxes of flammable fireworks like they used to do, back in the good ol' days.) It has fallen on me to make sure this year's show doesn't suck. As if I don't have anything else to do. To make it really interesting, I have known about this for a month, but I totally forgot until yesterday afternoon, when The Czarina called for a progress report. Oops.
6. BOTH of my bosses decided to take big, fat vacations this month. That means I can't talk to Dildo's boss about my jacked up schedule. (She's got me working 25 hours per week, which is WAY too much!) And I am responsible for a bunch of extra stuff while my FT boss is out of town. I have just given myself a headache, typing this.
7. I am now seeing my friends once every two weeks at best. I'm worried it will affect my friendships. And even though CN lives across the street, and we see each other a lot, the vast majority of our conversations involve me asking for favors: "Will you walk Sammy? Turn my sprinklers on? Get my mail? Bring me food? Put my clothes in the dryer?" Or a 5 minute "how was your day?" catch up. To make it extra fun, I'm now always too tired or busy for quality time. Of any kind.
8. Big Brothers Big Sisters called. They have a Little Sister picked out for me. (YAY!!) So I have to call them back and schedule a meeting with the Little. I think that will have to be in......July. Afterwards, I have to hang out with my Little for 4 hours per month. Somehow.
With all of this crap in my brain, I'm starting to forget things and mix up things. A lot of people have been saying to me, "Don't you remember? We talked about that the other day." I have also noticed that my brain is always in a fog. Like I can't focus on anything, because I'm trying to remember everything. I am so focused on "Where am I supposed to be right now? What am I supposed to be doing?" that I can't think about anything else. Like my blog. Or returning emails. Or my big project at work. My brain thinks, "Ok, you made it. You are where you're supposed to be. Good job!" -- and then it turns off. When it's supposed to be just getting started.
At the end of the day, it's the opposite problem: my brain won't turn off. And when your day ends at 10:00pm, dammit, you want some alone time with your tv and your dog. Which means you don't get to bed until 11pm. And then you stare at the ceiling until midnight. Ugh.
Don't forget, I'm wrapping up the month of June with a 4-day visit to The Czarina's, complete with the introduction of CN to my entire family and close family friends. Because that won't be stressful.
Awesome.
If my life were a video game, this is the part where I would intentionally jump off a cliff, because this level is too difficult. I need to go down a level. Back to sanity. Leave this one to the experts.
On the upside, my bank account makes me smile now. :)
Ugh. Ok, I have to go. I need some Excedrin....
My life and my brain are jammed full. I seriously cannot take anymore. When you have to schedule when you are going to take the full garbage bag from your kitchen to your garbage can (which is only on the side of your house), you know your life is ridiculous.
I'm not whining. Ok, yes I am. This is my damn blog, and I'll whine if I want to. But look at what I'm juggling:
1. FT job, complete with MASSIVE project, entailing a bunch of writing, emails and meetings. Keep in mind that I don't really know what I'm doing on this project. And that I'm a procrastinator. It's ugly, y'all.
2. PT job, where your ass is grass if you don't clock in/out on time. Keep in mind that punctuality is not my strong suit. (I have yet to be late though! Hi fives to me!) So I stress about getting there. I have realized only too late that although everyone is expecting me to eventually move to the Clinique counter, I don't want to go. Especially since I'm planning on quitting right before Thanksgiving, so that I won't have to work the hell that is the Holiday Mall Job. So I have to pretend that I'm striving for the cosmetics department, when in reality, I have no desire to move. Or stay. Shhh!
3. I am dog sitting for MJ this week. Which is fine -- I probably owe her about 4 dog sitting turns. And Cornbread (her dog) is extremely low-maintenance. I'm just concerned about the fact that I'm working 12 hour days pretty much until the 25th. I will be able to feed and walk the dogs, but playtime? Forget it!
4. 12 hour days + no time to cook = poor food choices. 12 hour days = total exhaustion = lack of exercise. You don't have to do any math to calculate how this is impacting my waistline. Or energy levels. Or sleep patterns. Helllllllllooooooo insomnia!
5. For reasons which remain unclear, it is my job to find the fireworks for this year's annual party at The Czarina's. The party consists of approximately 75 people, all anticipating the legendary Belle Family Fireworks Finale over their 6th stiff drink. (Have I told you that fireworks are big in my family? Yeah. The Czarina's uncle owns a fireworks company in Kansas City. The Belles heart fireworks. Because of 9/11, my relatives in KC cannot mail us gigantic boxes of flammable fireworks like they used to do, back in the good ol' days.) It has fallen on me to make sure this year's show doesn't suck. As if I don't have anything else to do. To make it really interesting, I have known about this for a month, but I totally forgot until yesterday afternoon, when The Czarina called for a progress report. Oops.
6. BOTH of my bosses decided to take big, fat vacations this month. That means I can't talk to Dildo's boss about my jacked up schedule. (She's got me working 25 hours per week, which is WAY too much!) And I am responsible for a bunch of extra stuff while my FT boss is out of town. I have just given myself a headache, typing this.
7. I am now seeing my friends once every two weeks at best. I'm worried it will affect my friendships. And even though CN lives across the street, and we see each other a lot, the vast majority of our conversations involve me asking for favors: "Will you walk Sammy? Turn my sprinklers on? Get my mail? Bring me food? Put my clothes in the dryer?" Or a 5 minute "how was your day?" catch up. To make it extra fun, I'm now always too tired or busy for quality time. Of any kind.
8. Big Brothers Big Sisters called. They have a Little Sister picked out for me. (YAY!!) So I have to call them back and schedule a meeting with the Little. I think that will have to be in......July. Afterwards, I have to hang out with my Little for 4 hours per month. Somehow.
With all of this crap in my brain, I'm starting to forget things and mix up things. A lot of people have been saying to me, "Don't you remember? We talked about that the other day." I have also noticed that my brain is always in a fog. Like I can't focus on anything, because I'm trying to remember everything. I am so focused on "Where am I supposed to be right now? What am I supposed to be doing?" that I can't think about anything else. Like my blog. Or returning emails. Or my big project at work. My brain thinks, "Ok, you made it. You are where you're supposed to be. Good job!" -- and then it turns off. When it's supposed to be just getting started.
At the end of the day, it's the opposite problem: my brain won't turn off. And when your day ends at 10:00pm, dammit, you want some alone time with your tv and your dog. Which means you don't get to bed until 11pm. And then you stare at the ceiling until midnight. Ugh.
Don't forget, I'm wrapping up the month of June with a 4-day visit to The Czarina's, complete with the introduction of CN to my entire family and close family friends. Because that won't be stressful.
Awesome.
If my life were a video game, this is the part where I would intentionally jump off a cliff, because this level is too difficult. I need to go down a level. Back to sanity. Leave this one to the experts.
On the upside, my bank account makes me smile now. :)
Ugh. Ok, I have to go. I need some Excedrin....
Monday, June 09, 2008
Faux Pas Over Faux Pearls
I was working at Dildo's the other night. So far, so good. I'm still getting used to my crammed schedule, but my coworkers are nice and the work is pretty fun. Until I can "prove" myself as a salesgirl, I am currently working in the accessories department, awaiting permission to move over to the Clinique counter.
Nevermind that I already have 2 1/2 years of Clinique experience, working at the Dildo's across town. There's some new rule for everyone -- you have to go to a "regular" area and play Good Little Employee before you can go to a "specialized" area. Whatever. So for the time being, I help women shop for purses, jewelry, scarves, wallets, watches, sunglasses and hats.
Which isn't half bad, considering I love to shop for those things. So I get to shop vicariously through these women -- which is great for my bank account. I get all the fun of shopping and none of the buyer's remorse. It might not be the end of the world if they never move me to cosmetics, actually.
The other night, I was helping an older lady find a necklace to match her shirt. After some searching, we found the perfect one. I was ringing her up and chatting with her, when she said,
"Can I ask, are you expecting?"
She put this weird emphasis on "expecting". Almost like she was saying, "Why the hell aren't you announcing this to the world? Why are you hiding this fact, you modest young thing? Don't you know this is the greatest thing that could ever possibly happen to you in your entire life? You should be shouting it from the hilltops, like Maria Von Trapp."
Needless to say, I was stunned speechless. For once. You could almost hear the needle on the record player being ripped off. I froze.
This is not happening. I am not being mistaken for a pregnant woman. I am not that fat.
I am not.
I am not.
I am not.
FUCK. Am I?
*several blinks on my behalf*
*several blinks on her behalf*
We sat there, blinking at each other, while she grimaced and awkwardly gathered up her things to leave, and I smoothed my shirt down, subconsciously ensuring that no pillow had magically appeared under my top. What. The. Fuck.
Well, of course, you know what happened next: The Voices all woke up and turned their heads in unison to look at this old lady. And then, they all had to get their two cents in.
"Oh, no she di-dant!!!" yelled Bitch Mode, complete with index-finger-waving hand gestures.
"You should ask her if she's senile! That'll shut her up!" said Sarcastic.
"Well, I've been telling you for months that you have to do something about this weight you've been putting on. What do you expect?" sniped Inner Mom Voice.
"Oh my gawd!! You're a COW!!!" shrieks Hormonal. She runs away to sob into her hands. Hormonal is such a drama queen.
"Well, the way you an CN have been acting lately, who knows? Maybe you are!" giggles Pervert.
Horny is in stitches. The two of them make randy hand gestures and proceed to take turns cracking each other up with their obscene double entendres. The peanut gallery is in full swing. Great.
I roll my eyes.
"You really picked out a great necklace for her. Very stylish. I think The Czarina would like it, too. Let's go see if there's another one," observed Space Cadet, who proceeded to wander off.
Good Point chimed in: "Dude, everyone and their mother knows that is something you NEVER ask, unless you are 200% positive the woman is pregnant. And THIS is why that rule exists! She just made a HUGE social faux pas!!"
"Hmmm...I wonder if there are earrings that match....." mused Space Cadet. "You could make a set...."
"What was that??? Pregnant? Who said that? Who said the 'P' word? OMG! We have to get to a drugstore NOW, people!!" said Panic, heartbeat racing.
Good Point calmed Panic down and then added, "Look, I bet she feels worse than you do, running all over town with a big, fat mouth like that. Assuming things about people. She has her foot in her mouth right now. She was embarrassed, you know you could tell."
"But baby-doll tops are IN right now!!!" protested Single Girl.
"Yeah! There's nothing wrong with ruffles and empire waist tops! They're feminine!" agreed Prisspot.
"Yeah, but in the past, tops like that have been reserved strictly for expectant mothers," explained Overly Analytical. "There's a generational gap at play, here. Your fashion taste, while good, is confusing to the elderly."
"Well, if that's the case, there should be Public Service Announcements about this issue," Nerd said. "The public needs to be aware. Maybe we could call our Congressmen..."
"Maybe she just thought you would be a really good mom, and she was hoping you were!" Stupidly Optimistic gushed. "Or maybe she had you confused with the other lady in this department who IS pregnant!"
Sarcastic and Cynical gave her a look. She shut up.
"Oh, this is just great. For the last three months, ever since you started buying those tops, you have been running around town, causing people to think 'Aw, she's having a baby! Isn't that wonderful?' I mean, who knows how many people have thinking that!" lectured Pessimistically Paranoid, pacing in a circle.
Oh Jeez. What if the next time someone made this mistake, they do it in front of CN??? Oh, the mortification!!! I pondered the thought of chucking all my new tops in the trash, as soon as I got home that night. Cheapskate vetoed this idea. Single Girl backed her up, as did Prisspot. Damn. What am I going to do about these shirts? Buy a bunch of belts??
I was jolted out of my thoughts by Pessimistically Paranoid's ranting.
"I mean, if you look pregnant now, what are you going to look like when you really ARE pregnant?" she lamented.
"Babies are nice..." Space Cadet said to herself absentmindedly, as she looked at a rack of earrings.
Bitch Mode and Hormonal were whispering to each other and picking up the phone.
"Hey, what are you doing?" asked Pessimistically Paranoid.
"Duh. We're calling security to tell them that there's an old lady who just stole a necklace here in the store," they replied, snickering.
Cynical snorted. "That'll teach her!" she laughed.
Luckily, Bitch Mode and Hormonal were stopped from carrying out their plan by Logical. Sometimes, I think she's the only adult Voice.
Confident was no where to be found. I learned later that she was busy, lobbying for more gym time and fresh veggies in the fridge. And for once, I think most of the Voices listened to her. Even Hormonal, who tried really hard to cry on the way home, but just couldn't. Fashion choices aside, perhaps this was a wake-up call.
"Gah, you are now officially fat enough to be confused with a pregnant woman!!" cried Hormonal.
"Or maybe it's just because you have huge tits, just like most pregnant women do!" said Pervert.
"Or maybe she's just a rude, ignorant old bag," chimed Good Point.
Good point, indeed. Pass the brownies, will ya?
Nevermind that I already have 2 1/2 years of Clinique experience, working at the Dildo's across town. There's some new rule for everyone -- you have to go to a "regular" area and play Good Little Employee before you can go to a "specialized" area. Whatever. So for the time being, I help women shop for purses, jewelry, scarves, wallets, watches, sunglasses and hats.
Which isn't half bad, considering I love to shop for those things. So I get to shop vicariously through these women -- which is great for my bank account. I get all the fun of shopping and none of the buyer's remorse. It might not be the end of the world if they never move me to cosmetics, actually.
The other night, I was helping an older lady find a necklace to match her shirt. After some searching, we found the perfect one. I was ringing her up and chatting with her, when she said,
"Can I ask, are you expecting?"
She put this weird emphasis on "expecting". Almost like she was saying, "Why the hell aren't you announcing this to the world? Why are you hiding this fact, you modest young thing? Don't you know this is the greatest thing that could ever possibly happen to you in your entire life? You should be shouting it from the hilltops, like Maria Von Trapp."
Needless to say, I was stunned speechless. For once. You could almost hear the needle on the record player being ripped off. I froze.
This is not happening. I am not being mistaken for a pregnant woman. I am not that fat.
I am not.
I am not.
I am not.
FUCK. Am I?
*several blinks on my behalf*
*several blinks on her behalf*
We sat there, blinking at each other, while she grimaced and awkwardly gathered up her things to leave, and I smoothed my shirt down, subconsciously ensuring that no pillow had magically appeared under my top. What. The. Fuck.
Well, of course, you know what happened next: The Voices all woke up and turned their heads in unison to look at this old lady. And then, they all had to get their two cents in.
"Oh, no she di-dant!!!" yelled Bitch Mode, complete with index-finger-waving hand gestures.
"You should ask her if she's senile! That'll shut her up!" said Sarcastic.
"Well, I've been telling you for months that you have to do something about this weight you've been putting on. What do you expect?" sniped Inner Mom Voice.
"Oh my gawd!! You're a COW!!!" shrieks Hormonal. She runs away to sob into her hands. Hormonal is such a drama queen.
"Well, the way you an CN have been acting lately, who knows? Maybe you are!" giggles Pervert.
Horny is in stitches. The two of them make randy hand gestures and proceed to take turns cracking each other up with their obscene double entendres. The peanut gallery is in full swing. Great.
I roll my eyes.
"You really picked out a great necklace for her. Very stylish. I think The Czarina would like it, too. Let's go see if there's another one," observed Space Cadet, who proceeded to wander off.
Good Point chimed in: "Dude, everyone and their mother knows that is something you NEVER ask, unless you are 200% positive the woman is pregnant. And THIS is why that rule exists! She just made a HUGE social faux pas!!"
"Hmmm...I wonder if there are earrings that match....." mused Space Cadet. "You could make a set...."
"What was that??? Pregnant? Who said that? Who said the 'P' word? OMG! We have to get to a drugstore NOW, people!!" said Panic, heartbeat racing.
Good Point calmed Panic down and then added, "Look, I bet she feels worse than you do, running all over town with a big, fat mouth like that. Assuming things about people. She has her foot in her mouth right now. She was embarrassed, you know you could tell."
"But baby-doll tops are IN right now!!!" protested Single Girl.
"Yeah! There's nothing wrong with ruffles and empire waist tops! They're feminine!" agreed Prisspot.
"Yeah, but in the past, tops like that have been reserved strictly for expectant mothers," explained Overly Analytical. "There's a generational gap at play, here. Your fashion taste, while good, is confusing to the elderly."
"Well, if that's the case, there should be Public Service Announcements about this issue," Nerd said. "The public needs to be aware. Maybe we could call our Congressmen..."
"Maybe she just thought you would be a really good mom, and she was hoping you were!" Stupidly Optimistic gushed. "Or maybe she had you confused with the other lady in this department who IS pregnant!"
Sarcastic and Cynical gave her a look. She shut up.
"Oh, this is just great. For the last three months, ever since you started buying those tops, you have been running around town, causing people to think 'Aw, she's having a baby! Isn't that wonderful?' I mean, who knows how many people have thinking that!" lectured Pessimistically Paranoid, pacing in a circle.
Oh Jeez. What if the next time someone made this mistake, they do it in front of CN??? Oh, the mortification!!! I pondered the thought of chucking all my new tops in the trash, as soon as I got home that night. Cheapskate vetoed this idea. Single Girl backed her up, as did Prisspot. Damn. What am I going to do about these shirts? Buy a bunch of belts??
I was jolted out of my thoughts by Pessimistically Paranoid's ranting.
"I mean, if you look pregnant now, what are you going to look like when you really ARE pregnant?" she lamented.
"Babies are nice..." Space Cadet said to herself absentmindedly, as she looked at a rack of earrings.
Bitch Mode and Hormonal were whispering to each other and picking up the phone.
"Hey, what are you doing?" asked Pessimistically Paranoid.
"Duh. We're calling security to tell them that there's an old lady who just stole a necklace here in the store," they replied, snickering.
Cynical snorted. "That'll teach her!" she laughed.
Luckily, Bitch Mode and Hormonal were stopped from carrying out their plan by Logical. Sometimes, I think she's the only adult Voice.
Confident was no where to be found. I learned later that she was busy, lobbying for more gym time and fresh veggies in the fridge. And for once, I think most of the Voices listened to her. Even Hormonal, who tried really hard to cry on the way home, but just couldn't. Fashion choices aside, perhaps this was a wake-up call.
"Gah, you are now officially fat enough to be confused with a pregnant woman!!" cried Hormonal.
"Or maybe it's just because you have huge tits, just like most pregnant women do!" said Pervert.
"Or maybe she's just a rude, ignorant old bag," chimed Good Point.
Good point, indeed. Pass the brownies, will ya?
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