Hello, out there! I wonder if I have any readers left. I will assume I am talking to myself. Let's see. What has been going on in the last 2 months?
1. One of my coworkers (remember, the one who was kind of cute, but was really flaking out at work?) was fired. No probation, no serious warning -- just BAM! You're fired. This kind of put everyone on edge, like, "OMG, who is next??" -- but he really was doing a crappy job at work. No one was very surprised. The thing that stinks is that we were all friends w/him. So we are all kind of worried about him. He's been pretty down lately, so we have been concerned. Especially after he was offered a job at NYU and he turned it down. (Whaaa??). One of my coworkers did hang out w/him about a week ago, and she told me his plan is to move to Virginia Beach and open up a bar with one of his friends. This sounds a little weak to me, but who knows. I wish him the best. He's a really nice guy, so I hope he lands on his feet.
I also got a new boss. My old boss, who I love, is now my boss's boss. Anyway, my new boss rocks, too, so it's all good. I love my job. Even though it is really stressful, I love it.
2. CN (should I even call him that anymore? Perhaps "Ex Who is Now My Roommate" would be better?) and I are still on good terms, but we do each have our own little sad moments where we are reminded that we are not together. And our own little moments where we act like we are still together (no, not like that!). Which makes for an emotionally draining and frustrating environment. I can't really feel single when we are still roommates. It's not emotionally healthy for us to live together, and we have both brought this up at different times. But the financial situation keeps us together. Rent is very expensive here in Savannah, unless you want to live with a roommate (an option I do not have currently) or in the ghetto (I am willing to pay a lot of rent to be safe, so this also is not really an option). I am tempted to encourage him to move out (he has been thinking about it lately), if only for my sanity so I can get back to being "me" and not "we".
I feel kind of guilty for saying this, but I am feeling ready to date again. Whether I am really ready to do that remains unclear, but I definitely have the urge to go somewhere and flirt with cute guys. If CN knew this, it would crush him. I know my desire to get back on the horse will only get worse, and then what? Tell my date that I have an interesting living situation? Ugh. Introduce CN as my roommate? Double ugh.
So I think perhaps I will encourage him to go, suck it up financially, and get back to being Single VB. Then, in August, when the lease is up, I can find a cheaper place to live. My mom, my big sister and both of my aunts all think I am crazy for living like this. I am beginning to agree with them.
3. I didn't go home for Thanksgiving. It's an 8 hour drive, and I just didnt' feel like driving all that way. I really wanted a nice long weekend all to myself. And that's what I got. Selfish, I know, but work has been bonkers lately, and the last thing I wanted to do was stress out from driving on I-95 during Thanksgiving traffic. CN has been at his mom's house all weekend. This has been the Best Weekend Ever. I have totally relaxed, puttered around the house, slept in, cooked, read my book....aaaaaah. One of my coworkers wasn't going anywhere, either, so she and her hubby made a turkey and all the fixings, and we chowed down. It was sooo good.
4. I got a new cell phone and I love it. The salesman told me I would be addicted to it, and he was right. It's the Google Android MyTouch phone from T Mobile. I heart it. I don't know much about how it works, but I am having fun learning all about it. I have fun games, email, facebook, apps, etc. all on my phone. It is very cool. I highly recommend this phone if you are looking for one.
Um, I think that's about it for now. I am still working all the time, leaving me with little energy at the end of the day. I am slowing becoming interested in getting back to the gym after my...(I am ashamed to say it!) 11 month absence. The diet motivation is still MIA, unfortunately. But I do have the urge to run again, which is a good sign. I know exercise = energy, and that is a big motivator for me right now. I am sick of just working and sleeping and working and sleeping. I feel like I have no life outside of work sometimes. I need to be maximizing my day and going out of the house and meeting new people.
I'm sorry I haven't been blogging much. At all, really. CN uses the computer a LOT lately, and now he has to work mandatory overtime for his job, so he doesn't get off the computer until like, 7:30pm, and I just don't feel like blogging then. I like to blog right when I get home from work. I will try harder, I promise. And if CN moves out, and I have to choose between cable and internet, I will get internet. :)
Showing posts with label cute neighbor. Show all posts
Showing posts with label cute neighbor. Show all posts
Sunday, November 29, 2009
Monday, September 21, 2009
Probably the Biggest Post Ever
So after trying on a bazillion dresses at about 4 stores, I found The Dress.....
If you want to see a pic of the back, go to David's Bridal and search for style # CT 2406. It's exactly what I wanted -- lace, but still simple, under $1,000 and not too fluffy or Bridezilla-y. But before you get all excited, I have some other news, too.
While CN and I were in Virginia visiting The Czarina, we spoke with the pastor of my family's church in my hometown. He wanted to talk to us about getting some pre-wedding counseling and he wanted to ask us a bunch of questions.
He started with some basic ones which I think we handled ok. Then the questions started to get more involved. How are we working on the budget? Who will do all the housework? Who will be the primary caretaker of the children? How many kids do you want to have? Where will you live? Who brings home the bacon? etc.
We sort of muddled through, because to be honest, we had never really discussed any of these things too deeply. We had some ideas, but nothing definite. Then he gave us a questionnaire to fill out -- one for me and one for CN. We were supposed to fill them out separately, and then compare answers. We did it when we got back home to Savannah, but I already knew what would happen.
Our answers were pretty different. Our answers were different on BIG questions that are important. Like how do you picture your life in ten years? My answer: fun, exciting chaos -- lots of kids running around, possibly a new career, we might be living anywhere in the world, constant changes. His answer: living in Savannah. Same jobs. Maybe a kid. And a house.
Another question pointed out to me that we do not resolve issues properly (we basically drop them rather than get to the bottom of it) and that I have a small issue with his relationship with his mother (she is really needy and not independent AT ALL, which makes him feel like he can never move too far away, no matter what). I asked CN what would happen if I found a great job that would mean a better life for us and our kids.....but it's in Oregon. He said I would be moving there alone if that happened, because he can't move that far from his mom.
Wow. That's an eye opener.
He believes staying near your family is much more important than I do. He cannot fathom living somewhere that is not within a couple hours from his mom. This is a foreign concept to me. That's why planes, trains and automobiles were invented.
"What if your mom and I had a disagreement? Would you take my side or hers?" I asked.
"Well, that depends on who is right," he replied.
"Wrong answer," I said. "If I am the mother of your children, I have to come first. Period. When you marry me, I have to become your priorty, second only to God. Just like you would become my priority. That's what marriage is about. If your marriage is not first, that's a problem for me."
He could not see that.
After going through some more talking and discussing what we wanted from life and how we viewed marriage, our differences became really obvious to me. But I had seen this coming.
For a while.
For several months, actually.
A few months ago, I began to have some doubts about marrying CN. I even had a huge freak out and went to go visit MJ for a weekend to talk to her about it. I was so confused! I knew what I was feeling, but I couldn't verbalize it. She did a great job at listening to me, but not voicing her opinion. Exactly what I needed! I felt a little better. I kept telling myself, "It's not that big of a deal. You love each other. You will figure it out." or "Too late. You're marrying CN, so you made your bed. Now sleep in it."
These are NOT good thoughts, am I right?
I had a nagging voice in the back of my head. It was doubt. And if there is one thing I believe, it's that you should NEVER get married if you have any doubts. I began to realize that CN is lacking in some things I cannot live with. I love him to death, but I know it takes more than love to make a marriage work. He is perfectly happy with the same job, same house, same day in and out-- for the most part. He is not ambitious or very energetic or motivated to improve his life. He is not intellectually curious. Now, I am not knocking these things. I am sure there are plenty of wonderful people who are perfectly happy like this. But I am not one of them. That is not good. CN and I need to be on the same page with things, and we are not. When I think about a future w/CN, all I see is that everything will be my job:
where we live (It was my idea to move to Savannah, remember?)
how many kids to have
which job to take (I make more money than him, and he will probably never change jobs, so we will probably move according to my career, not his, which is an easily-transferred job anyway)
the housework (I do not mind being in charge of it, especially after seeing him do laundry!)
raising the kids (not that he would be a bad father -- he would be great. But I can tell I would be the one helping them with homework, putting them to bed, etc.)
Are you tired yet? Because I am exhausted when I think about this. CN is a passive participant in his own life. He has very few friends, and only talks to them when they call him. He has very few hobbies. I began to realize -- he's kind of boring. But how could that be?? I was so happy dating him! And then I realized: he is always willing to do what I want to do. He doesn't have any life or opinions outside of me. It's like dating myself! I like being busy, trying new things, working hard, taking risks. But I can't do it all. And since CN is so passive, I will be doing everything. All by myself. And during this process, CN will grow resentful of me for running the show all the time. When he does, and says something, I will have to back down and do what he wants for a change, which will make me resentful. We will fall into a vicious cycle of resentment. It will eat away at what we have. And what I need in a spouse, I will eventually want to get elsewhere. Not good. At all.
But I was not the only one who saw it. Before I left my mom's house, The Czarina pulled me aside after everyone went to bed. I had talked to her about this stuff a little before, in the weeks preceding this visit. But I had been so excited and wrapped up in getting married, I had sort of put it to the back of my mind.
She said to me, "I'm only going to say one thing. And if I'm wrong, then tell me to shut up and we will never have to talk about this again. He is a sweet guy, and I know you love him very much, and I can tell he loves you very much. But if you are making all the decisions, how is this any different than being single?"
As soon as she said this, I burst into tears and knew what I had to do. I think I was just waiting for someone to sort of give me permission to remember that there were no rings on any fingers yet. I didn't have to do it.
I broke it off last week.
If you want to see a pic of the back, go to David's Bridal and search for style # CT 2406. It's exactly what I wanted -- lace, but still simple, under $1,000 and not too fluffy or Bridezilla-y. But before you get all excited, I have some other news, too.
While CN and I were in Virginia visiting The Czarina, we spoke with the pastor of my family's church in my hometown. He wanted to talk to us about getting some pre-wedding counseling and he wanted to ask us a bunch of questions.
He started with some basic ones which I think we handled ok. Then the questions started to get more involved. How are we working on the budget? Who will do all the housework? Who will be the primary caretaker of the children? How many kids do you want to have? Where will you live? Who brings home the bacon? etc.
We sort of muddled through, because to be honest, we had never really discussed any of these things too deeply. We had some ideas, but nothing definite. Then he gave us a questionnaire to fill out -- one for me and one for CN. We were supposed to fill them out separately, and then compare answers. We did it when we got back home to Savannah, but I already knew what would happen.
Our answers were pretty different. Our answers were different on BIG questions that are important. Like how do you picture your life in ten years? My answer: fun, exciting chaos -- lots of kids running around, possibly a new career, we might be living anywhere in the world, constant changes. His answer: living in Savannah. Same jobs. Maybe a kid. And a house.
Another question pointed out to me that we do not resolve issues properly (we basically drop them rather than get to the bottom of it) and that I have a small issue with his relationship with his mother (she is really needy and not independent AT ALL, which makes him feel like he can never move too far away, no matter what). I asked CN what would happen if I found a great job that would mean a better life for us and our kids.....but it's in Oregon. He said I would be moving there alone if that happened, because he can't move that far from his mom.
Wow. That's an eye opener.
He believes staying near your family is much more important than I do. He cannot fathom living somewhere that is not within a couple hours from his mom. This is a foreign concept to me. That's why planes, trains and automobiles were invented.
"What if your mom and I had a disagreement? Would you take my side or hers?" I asked.
"Well, that depends on who is right," he replied.
"Wrong answer," I said. "If I am the mother of your children, I have to come first. Period. When you marry me, I have to become your priorty, second only to God. Just like you would become my priority. That's what marriage is about. If your marriage is not first, that's a problem for me."
He could not see that.
After going through some more talking and discussing what we wanted from life and how we viewed marriage, our differences became really obvious to me. But I had seen this coming.
For a while.
For several months, actually.
A few months ago, I began to have some doubts about marrying CN. I even had a huge freak out and went to go visit MJ for a weekend to talk to her about it. I was so confused! I knew what I was feeling, but I couldn't verbalize it. She did a great job at listening to me, but not voicing her opinion. Exactly what I needed! I felt a little better. I kept telling myself, "It's not that big of a deal. You love each other. You will figure it out." or "Too late. You're marrying CN, so you made your bed. Now sleep in it."
These are NOT good thoughts, am I right?
I had a nagging voice in the back of my head. It was doubt. And if there is one thing I believe, it's that you should NEVER get married if you have any doubts. I began to realize that CN is lacking in some things I cannot live with. I love him to death, but I know it takes more than love to make a marriage work. He is perfectly happy with the same job, same house, same day in and out-- for the most part. He is not ambitious or very energetic or motivated to improve his life. He is not intellectually curious. Now, I am not knocking these things. I am sure there are plenty of wonderful people who are perfectly happy like this. But I am not one of them. That is not good. CN and I need to be on the same page with things, and we are not. When I think about a future w/CN, all I see is that everything will be my job:
where we live (It was my idea to move to Savannah, remember?)
how many kids to have
which job to take (I make more money than him, and he will probably never change jobs, so we will probably move according to my career, not his, which is an easily-transferred job anyway)
the housework (I do not mind being in charge of it, especially after seeing him do laundry!)
raising the kids (not that he would be a bad father -- he would be great. But I can tell I would be the one helping them with homework, putting them to bed, etc.)
Are you tired yet? Because I am exhausted when I think about this. CN is a passive participant in his own life. He has very few friends, and only talks to them when they call him. He has very few hobbies. I began to realize -- he's kind of boring. But how could that be?? I was so happy dating him! And then I realized: he is always willing to do what I want to do. He doesn't have any life or opinions outside of me. It's like dating myself! I like being busy, trying new things, working hard, taking risks. But I can't do it all. And since CN is so passive, I will be doing everything. All by myself. And during this process, CN will grow resentful of me for running the show all the time. When he does, and says something, I will have to back down and do what he wants for a change, which will make me resentful. We will fall into a vicious cycle of resentment. It will eat away at what we have. And what I need in a spouse, I will eventually want to get elsewhere. Not good. At all.
But I was not the only one who saw it. Before I left my mom's house, The Czarina pulled me aside after everyone went to bed. I had talked to her about this stuff a little before, in the weeks preceding this visit. But I had been so excited and wrapped up in getting married, I had sort of put it to the back of my mind.
She said to me, "I'm only going to say one thing. And if I'm wrong, then tell me to shut up and we will never have to talk about this again. He is a sweet guy, and I know you love him very much, and I can tell he loves you very much. But if you are making all the decisions, how is this any different than being single?"
As soon as she said this, I burst into tears and knew what I had to do. I think I was just waiting for someone to sort of give me permission to remember that there were no rings on any fingers yet. I didn't have to do it.
I broke it off last week.
Tuesday, April 28, 2009
Karma Has Some Serious Explaining to Do
I think CN and I are paying for all of our past evil deeds here in Savannah. I'm beginning to wonder if this town is cursed. We had the weekend from hell.
Friday night, his Jeep was broken into. It sucked, but the good thing was that the perpetrator just unzipped his soft top, rather than cutting it, which would have been an expensive repair. And all they got were about 20 CDs. So as far as car break-ins go, it was as good as it gets. But you still get upset and feel violated. He was pretty pissed.
We didn't discover the break in until Saturday morning, as we were on our way to Columbia to move his stuff out of his house and bring it down to Savannah. Filing the police report delayed us by at least an hour. Yeah, we know it's kind of silly to file a police report over some stolen CDs, but CN's going to call his insurance company to see if he can get reimbursed. And who knows, maybe if a pattern pops up, having our report on file will help the police nab this guy.
We didn't start packing up the U-Haul until around noon. I was thinking it would take us maybe 4 hours to pack it up. But I didn't realize I was moving with the Dawdle Brothers, also known as my boyfriend and his buddy. They spent 2 and a half hours taking CN's washer and dryer over to his buddy's house. (It was his gift from us for helping us move.) We didn't finish packing until 9pm that night. For Pete's freaking sake.
Then on Sunday, I went to work (yes, I now work the occasional Sunday.) While I was at work, CN's mom called to tell him that she had looked out the back window of her house to see her dogs attacking her cat, so she ran out of the house to save her cat. On the way out the door, she had a bad fall and had skinned her knees, hurt her back, and cut open the back of her head. She probably should have gone to the emergency room to get checked out, but she couldn't because her husband is on his death bed. Yeah. CN's dad is not eating or speaking at this point, which is not a good sign. Not at all.
"What are you and Virginia doing this coming weekend?" she asked him.
CN told her that we are going to my cousin's wedding in Chicago.
She told him that is probably not a good idea and that she doesn't think he should go out of town right now, because of the state his dad's in.
So when I got home, CN told me that he's not going to the wedding, but I can go without him if I want. But I can't have fun without him! One of the reasons I was so excited to go was so that he can meet some of my extended family. And I can't enjoy myself, knowing that he's all bummed out about his dad. He still wants me to go, and The Czarina wants me to go (I am one of the few people from our branch of the family going to the wedding, so I need to represent, yo.), but I think I will feel guilty if I do. Besides, I hate driving in Atlanta and that's where I'm flying out.
So I really didn't know what to do yesterday. I'm looking at non-refundable tickets, a sick (practically) father-in-law, a bummed boyfriend and a favorite aunt who was REALLY looking forward to seeing me and meeting CN. Argh. I hate making choices like this. And the timing? Couldn't be worse. Not that there's a great time for his dad to get really sick.
I got home from work yesterday to find CN watching tv. And a kitchen full of clean dishes. Which made my day, because I HATE washing dishes by hand. He's the best, what can I say?
"How did you have time to wash the dishes?" I asked."Didn't you have to work today?"
"Nope. I called my boss and told her about my dad. She told me to go ahead and take the whole week off. I'm going to go see my family tomorrow, and I'll be there the rest of the week. Hopefully by Friday, I will know what's going on and how he's doing, and I might still be able to go to the wedding with you," he explained.
YAY! Er, maybe. I guess we will have to see. Something good has to happen, right? Aren't bad things only supposed to happen in 3s?
Friday night, his Jeep was broken into. It sucked, but the good thing was that the perpetrator just unzipped his soft top, rather than cutting it, which would have been an expensive repair. And all they got were about 20 CDs. So as far as car break-ins go, it was as good as it gets. But you still get upset and feel violated. He was pretty pissed.
We didn't discover the break in until Saturday morning, as we were on our way to Columbia to move his stuff out of his house and bring it down to Savannah. Filing the police report delayed us by at least an hour. Yeah, we know it's kind of silly to file a police report over some stolen CDs, but CN's going to call his insurance company to see if he can get reimbursed. And who knows, maybe if a pattern pops up, having our report on file will help the police nab this guy.
We didn't start packing up the U-Haul until around noon. I was thinking it would take us maybe 4 hours to pack it up. But I didn't realize I was moving with the Dawdle Brothers, also known as my boyfriend and his buddy. They spent 2 and a half hours taking CN's washer and dryer over to his buddy's house. (It was his gift from us for helping us move.) We didn't finish packing until 9pm that night. For Pete's freaking sake.
Then on Sunday, I went to work (yes, I now work the occasional Sunday.) While I was at work, CN's mom called to tell him that she had looked out the back window of her house to see her dogs attacking her cat, so she ran out of the house to save her cat. On the way out the door, she had a bad fall and had skinned her knees, hurt her back, and cut open the back of her head. She probably should have gone to the emergency room to get checked out, but she couldn't because her husband is on his death bed. Yeah. CN's dad is not eating or speaking at this point, which is not a good sign. Not at all.
"What are you and Virginia doing this coming weekend?" she asked him.
CN told her that we are going to my cousin's wedding in Chicago.
She told him that is probably not a good idea and that she doesn't think he should go out of town right now, because of the state his dad's in.
So when I got home, CN told me that he's not going to the wedding, but I can go without him if I want. But I can't have fun without him! One of the reasons I was so excited to go was so that he can meet some of my extended family. And I can't enjoy myself, knowing that he's all bummed out about his dad. He still wants me to go, and The Czarina wants me to go (I am one of the few people from our branch of the family going to the wedding, so I need to represent, yo.), but I think I will feel guilty if I do. Besides, I hate driving in Atlanta and that's where I'm flying out.
So I really didn't know what to do yesterday. I'm looking at non-refundable tickets, a sick (practically) father-in-law, a bummed boyfriend and a favorite aunt who was REALLY looking forward to seeing me and meeting CN. Argh. I hate making choices like this. And the timing? Couldn't be worse. Not that there's a great time for his dad to get really sick.
I got home from work yesterday to find CN watching tv. And a kitchen full of clean dishes. Which made my day, because I HATE washing dishes by hand. He's the best, what can I say?
"How did you have time to wash the dishes?" I asked."Didn't you have to work today?"
"Nope. I called my boss and told her about my dad. She told me to go ahead and take the whole week off. I'm going to go see my family tomorrow, and I'll be there the rest of the week. Hopefully by Friday, I will know what's going on and how he's doing, and I might still be able to go to the wedding with you," he explained.
YAY! Er, maybe. I guess we will have to see. Something good has to happen, right? Aren't bad things only supposed to happen in 3s?
Thursday, April 23, 2009
Growing Pains
Just to clarify for everyone, I am not blogging right now so that I can talk about my boyfriend's "small wiener" because I "don't even like him anymore."
Ugh. This is all I am listening to until my drunk boyfriend goes to bed. It's like a frigging record player. He's joking when he says it, but he's slurring. Which would be funny. The first 43 times.
Oh crap. He just came in and read all of that over my shoulder. Now he's talking about how I "don't even like him anymore." Again. According to him, he is sleeping on the couch (he's not) because I hate him (I don't). Ooh, he turned on American Idol. Sweet. It's like my own personal boyfriend babysitter. Silence is golden. I can blog in peace.
*Mumblings about how I don't even like him because he has a small wiener are heard from the living room couch.*
"No, you don't have a small wiener. It's massive and I can barely handle it," I am saying.
He said something about buttholes. I don't know.
Gotta love this insight into our lives, huh? I am tired and he's drunk. Hence this weird post. We have this exact conversation anytime he has more than 4 beers. Luckily, you are not physically here with us, so you don't have to witness him grabbing my boobs and "massaging" (read: man-handling them like he's tenderizing a steak) them, which causes me to slap his hands away and tell him to leave me alone.
This inevitably leads to another slurring rant about how I don't like him and his theoretically small wiener. Only this time, since my stalker (yes, the same stalker) tried to friend me AGAIN on myspace today, he now follows it up with, "You probably want Sylvester's wiener!! I know it!!"
UGH.
This is actually a perfect intro for what I want to talk about today. I knew that since CN and I have always gotten along extremely well (it's kind of unreal, actually, how well we get along) that ...
"No, I am not blogging lies about you," I just yelled to him.
Negative mumblings from the couch.
"Yes, I do love you," I continue. Please go back to talking to Paula Abdul, I think to myself.
Where was I? Oh yes. I knew it would go pretty well, this whole moving in together thing. I knew we would not have any major problems. And we don't. But the devil's in the details, you know? Here are some things I have learned about him since this whole moving thing has taken place:
1. He gives new meaning to the label "pack rat". He makes me look like an amateur. I told him I'd help him pack up his stuff/get rid of stuff he doesn't want anymore. So we go to Columbia for the weekend to get started on packing his stuff. 15 garbage bags full of trash later, he realizes he doesn't have as much stuff as he thought and I realize he hasn't thrown anything away since the 12th grade. Who keeps notebooks full of notes from college classes????!!
2. He is apparently incapable of closing a shower curtain when he's done taking a shower. This irks the crap out of me, because you might as well tell Mr. and Mrs. Mildew to just sit down and make themselves comfortable on your plastic...
"No I don't! Your wiener is not small and ugly! I love you very much and I am not telling lies about you! Your wiener smells fine!! I'm not telling anyone that!"
Ok, anyway, you get what I'm saying about the wet shower curtain.
3. Did you know that the phrases "resealable packaging" and "to prevent them from drying out" are lost on some people? Yup. My boyfriend is one of them. Baby wipes, cleaning wipes, you name it. Left open to the air. Worthless.
4. He owns approximately 587 towels. Somewhere there is a 20 year old son of a cotton industry magnate, driving his own BMW paid for by my boyfriend's towel collection.
5. Did I mention that he only uses the towel once before they are "dirty"? Which is funny to me, because he only uses them to dry off his squeaky clean body when he gets out of the shower, which will soon be full of mildew, thanks to his inability to understand the concept of fungi. If you are doing the math, this is at least 7 "dirty" towels per week from him. This makes him a complete freak, in my book.
I am not singling out my boyfriend, though. Oh yes. I am also dealing with some harsh reality of self-reflection:
1. The discussion we had about Absurd Overusage of Bath Towels and Their Laundering made me realize that I had no earthly idea how long it had been since I had pulled out a clean towel for myself. If he's the freek, I'm the gross one. I don't know which is worse.
2. I am a little more possessive -- ok, selfish-- about my stuff and my space than I thought. I *ahem* haven't made much room for him in the closet. But only about 10% of his wardrobe needs ironing, whereas about half of mine does. Ok, maybe a third. Yes, his clothes are on the floor of the bedroom right now. In semi-organized piles. Yes, I am a jerk. But I have a plan and a day off, so things will change for him soon. And CN went to grab some pop tarts the other day, and I said, "Nonononononono!!! Those are for work day breakfasts only! It's one of the few things I can eat at my desk!!!" -- Seriously? I am telling this to my 30 year old boyfriend, who not only washed all 587 of his "dirty" towels, but also my dirty clothes? AND folded them? I am telling him that he can't have a pop tart? Was I even listening to myself?
3. Why. The. Fuck. Do. I. Have. So many. Damn. Shoes. Jesus tapdancing Christ, did they reproduce in the U-Haul on the way down here? I remember looking at my old closet and thinking, "Gosh, 70 pairs isn't really that many. I could totally get more shoes. I have collection gaps, definitely." And now, I want to chuck them ALL because I am sick and tired of trying to store them creatively.
Ok, I'm sure there are more things I could add to this list, but let's face it, my self-critiquing skills are not exactly well-honed. And this is my blog. I told him to get his own, where he can bitch about how messy I am and how I don't seem to understand that expiration dates on food are for safety, not gambling with food, or as I like to call them, "adventures in eating". But he doesn't listen.
Besides, now it's time for me to give you the Ghetto Update.
Last Sunday afternoon, I was at work. (Yes, now I get to work occassional Sundays. I don't want to talk about it.) CN calls me. He was looking out the back window of our place, where he saw a group of teenagers sitting on our back stoop. This would only be mildly irritating, because it's just some harmless trespassing, except for the simple fact they were PASSING AROUND A HANDGUN. Which was the reason he was calling me.
"That's it. We are moving out. It's final. This is the last straw," he said.
I agreed, but questioned why he was talking to me and not a local 911 emergency dispatcher.
"Oh. Cuz they left already," he said.
GAH.
And to add rainbow colored candy sprinkles to this ice cream sundae from hell that is our living situation, Sammy has been bringing home fleas from our walks. So this place is a ticking time bomb, probably full of cazillions of little jumping, biting fuckers, marinating in their little wicked egg cocoon pods, counting down the moment until they get to microscopically turn our bodies into Swiss cheese.
Must. Move. Soon. Please. Send. Help.
Ugh. This is all I am listening to until my drunk boyfriend goes to bed. It's like a frigging record player. He's joking when he says it, but he's slurring. Which would be funny. The first 43 times.
Oh crap. He just came in and read all of that over my shoulder. Now he's talking about how I "don't even like him anymore." Again. According to him, he is sleeping on the couch (he's not) because I hate him (I don't). Ooh, he turned on American Idol. Sweet. It's like my own personal boyfriend babysitter. Silence is golden. I can blog in peace.
*Mumblings about how I don't even like him because he has a small wiener are heard from the living room couch.*
"No, you don't have a small wiener. It's massive and I can barely handle it," I am saying.
He said something about buttholes. I don't know.
Gotta love this insight into our lives, huh? I am tired and he's drunk. Hence this weird post. We have this exact conversation anytime he has more than 4 beers. Luckily, you are not physically here with us, so you don't have to witness him grabbing my boobs and "massaging" (read: man-handling them like he's tenderizing a steak) them, which causes me to slap his hands away and tell him to leave me alone.
This inevitably leads to another slurring rant about how I don't like him and his theoretically small wiener. Only this time, since my stalker (yes, the same stalker) tried to friend me AGAIN on myspace today, he now follows it up with, "You probably want Sylvester's wiener!! I know it!!"
UGH.
This is actually a perfect intro for what I want to talk about today. I knew that since CN and I have always gotten along extremely well (it's kind of unreal, actually, how well we get along) that ...
"No, I am not blogging lies about you," I just yelled to him.
Negative mumblings from the couch.
"Yes, I do love you," I continue. Please go back to talking to Paula Abdul, I think to myself.
Where was I? Oh yes. I knew it would go pretty well, this whole moving in together thing. I knew we would not have any major problems. And we don't. But the devil's in the details, you know? Here are some things I have learned about him since this whole moving thing has taken place:
1. He gives new meaning to the label "pack rat". He makes me look like an amateur. I told him I'd help him pack up his stuff/get rid of stuff he doesn't want anymore. So we go to Columbia for the weekend to get started on packing his stuff. 15 garbage bags full of trash later, he realizes he doesn't have as much stuff as he thought and I realize he hasn't thrown anything away since the 12th grade. Who keeps notebooks full of notes from college classes????!!
2. He is apparently incapable of closing a shower curtain when he's done taking a shower. This irks the crap out of me, because you might as well tell Mr. and Mrs. Mildew to just sit down and make themselves comfortable on your plastic...
"No I don't! Your wiener is not small and ugly! I love you very much and I am not telling lies about you! Your wiener smells fine!! I'm not telling anyone that!"
Ok, anyway, you get what I'm saying about the wet shower curtain.
3. Did you know that the phrases "resealable packaging" and "to prevent them from drying out" are lost on some people? Yup. My boyfriend is one of them. Baby wipes, cleaning wipes, you name it. Left open to the air. Worthless.
4. He owns approximately 587 towels. Somewhere there is a 20 year old son of a cotton industry magnate, driving his own BMW paid for by my boyfriend's towel collection.
5. Did I mention that he only uses the towel once before they are "dirty"? Which is funny to me, because he only uses them to dry off his squeaky clean body when he gets out of the shower, which will soon be full of mildew, thanks to his inability to understand the concept of fungi. If you are doing the math, this is at least 7 "dirty" towels per week from him. This makes him a complete freak, in my book.
I am not singling out my boyfriend, though. Oh yes. I am also dealing with some harsh reality of self-reflection:
1. The discussion we had about Absurd Overusage of Bath Towels and Their Laundering made me realize that I had no earthly idea how long it had been since I had pulled out a clean towel for myself. If he's the freek, I'm the gross one. I don't know which is worse.
2. I am a little more possessive -- ok, selfish-- about my stuff and my space than I thought. I *ahem* haven't made much room for him in the closet. But only about 10% of his wardrobe needs ironing, whereas about half of mine does. Ok, maybe a third. Yes, his clothes are on the floor of the bedroom right now. In semi-organized piles. Yes, I am a jerk. But I have a plan and a day off, so things will change for him soon. And CN went to grab some pop tarts the other day, and I said, "Nonononononono!!! Those are for work day breakfasts only! It's one of the few things I can eat at my desk!!!" -- Seriously? I am telling this to my 30 year old boyfriend, who not only washed all 587 of his "dirty" towels, but also my dirty clothes? AND folded them? I am telling him that he can't have a pop tart? Was I even listening to myself?
3. Why. The. Fuck. Do. I. Have. So many. Damn. Shoes. Jesus tapdancing Christ, did they reproduce in the U-Haul on the way down here? I remember looking at my old closet and thinking, "Gosh, 70 pairs isn't really that many. I could totally get more shoes. I have collection gaps, definitely." And now, I want to chuck them ALL because I am sick and tired of trying to store them creatively.
Ok, I'm sure there are more things I could add to this list, but let's face it, my self-critiquing skills are not exactly well-honed. And this is my blog. I told him to get his own, where he can bitch about how messy I am and how I don't seem to understand that expiration dates on food are for safety, not gambling with food, or as I like to call them, "adventures in eating". But he doesn't listen.
Besides, now it's time for me to give you the Ghetto Update.
Last Sunday afternoon, I was at work. (Yes, now I get to work occassional Sundays. I don't want to talk about it.) CN calls me. He was looking out the back window of our place, where he saw a group of teenagers sitting on our back stoop. This would only be mildly irritating, because it's just some harmless trespassing, except for the simple fact they were PASSING AROUND A HANDGUN. Which was the reason he was calling me.
"That's it. We are moving out. It's final. This is the last straw," he said.
I agreed, but questioned why he was talking to me and not a local 911 emergency dispatcher.
"Oh. Cuz they left already," he said.
GAH.
And to add rainbow colored candy sprinkles to this ice cream sundae from hell that is our living situation, Sammy has been bringing home fleas from our walks. So this place is a ticking time bomb, probably full of cazillions of little jumping, biting fuckers, marinating in their little wicked egg cocoon pods, counting down the moment until they get to microscopically turn our bodies into Swiss cheese.
Must. Move. Soon. Please. Send. Help.
Tuesday, February 10, 2009
Ring Update
Oh dear. Where to begin? So much has happened in the last 4 days....
So Friday night after work, CN and I looked at some rings in a couple of jewelry stores. I tried on some Tacori look-alikes, and I was very sad to realize that they didn't look right on me! They were too bulky. Designs that intricate mandate a bigger ring, and I have fairly small and delicate hands. So they were beautiful, but just very awkward-looking on me.
Instead, I fell in love with a much simpler white gold design: a 3/4 carat center stone (round, white diamond, prong-set), with .10 carat prong-set round yellow diamonds on either side. On the other side of the yellow diamonds were teeny-tiny prong-set white diamonds, stopping about halfway down the ring. (My suspicions were correct -- the eternity bands, where the diamonds make a full circle around your finger, are uncomfortable!) All in all, the ring would be around $5k, which is reasonable, I think.
I could not find an exact replica on the jewelry store's website, but this is pretty close. Just pretend the little ones on either side of the center stone are yellow:
While I wanted to keep looking, because-- hello!-- ring shopping is super fun, this one ended up being my favorite one out of three stores. It looked the most proportionate to my hand, it was comfortable, it wasn't outrageously expensive, and it felt like "me".
CN and the jewelry store guy did some number crunching, and if CN financed the whole thing, the monthly payments would be around $250.
"That's the same amount I pay on my Jeep every month," he said, thinking out loud.
"Hmm. Go figure," I replied, deadpan.
"I need to get rid of it anyway. I never drive it, and I use my company car anyway. And parking is so bad in downtown Savannah. We really don't need three cars..." he continued.
I just nodded in agreement.
He did seem a little freaked out about the whole process, but he said it was because he always gets nervous whenever he spends a large amount of money at one time. He assured me it wasn't because he didn't want to marry me or wasn't ready yet. I wanted to make sure. So when we got home, I talked to him a little bit more. I just wanted to be sure he was really ready to take this next step and start moving forward. I told him that if he wasn't ready, this was the time to tell me. I also said that if he didn't feel comfortable buying an expensive ring right now, he can get me a cheaper one -- the cost of the ring wasn't as important to me as being engaged was. I explained that I didn't want him resenting me later if he felt uncomfortable with buying something like that. "No, no, I want to get you something you like! Something nice! It's just that with both of us moving and our mortgages...money is just kind of crazy right now, and I am just not seeing how this is all going to work."
I agreed. So I told him that it's no big deal -- he can just get his own place when he moves to Savannah and we can figure it out later. I told him we can put it off and just live together later. He can take his time and save up his money. No biggie. Which works fine, anyway, since we don't know when he'll be joining me in Savannah. Could be months from now.
Well, he surprised the heck out of me. He put his Jeep, his drum set and his guitar on craigslist yesterday! Woo hoo! He must not be as freaked out about all of this as I thought! Yay!!!
Of course, I had to email the above pic to The Czarina to show her what I liked and tell her everything. I guess I shouldn't have been surprised when she called me soon after and said, "So, can I tell everyone that you are engaged????!!"
"Uh, well, no. I don't have a ring and he hasn't asked me yet, Mom, so no." I answered.
"And he hasn't called me to ask my permission yet, either," she noted with a tone of sarcasm.
"I know, Mom. I told him he has to call you before he can ask me," I said.
"I am just so baffled as to what is going on, though. I mean, you're doing it all backwards. He's supposed to ask first, then you go pick out the ring. I'm very confused," she went on.
"Well, Mom, he really didn't know exactly what all was involved with getting engaged. He thought he just needed to get me a $200 wedding band and we just go get married," I said.
"He's right. Why not? The ring's not the important part. He can get you a gemstone one that's cheaper. I mean, what are you waiting for, anyway?" she said.
"I know, Mom. I agree. I told him all of that. But he's a guy, and he wants to save up his money, so I had to show him how much these things cost, and what kind of ring I like, because he had no idea," I replied.
As you can probably tell, she's ready for me to get married yesterday. The woman is chomping at the bit to be a grandma. All her friends' kids are married with babies, and I know she feels left out. She has really surprised me. I knew she would get like this, but I didn't realize it would be so soon. He hasn't even proposed! Sheesh! Calm down!
So one trip to a jewelry store has turned my mom into a monster. She's already more obsessed than I am. I keep getting emails and voicemails with ideas for how we can consider ourselves engaged without him having to buy a nice engagement ring: "Tell him to just get you a gemstone one!" "Go check out estate sales!" "All these jewelry stores are having sales right now!" "Just get a little one for now. You can upgrade later!" "Just set the date and get the ring later!"
Jeez, Louise!
Just for the heck of it, I did look at a calendar and realized that the last Saturday in June 2010 is my dad's birthday -- the 26th. Since he won't be there to walk me down the aisle, I have always wanted to get married on his birthday. So this date actually works perfectly. I told CN about that and he said, "Sounds good to me." :)
When I got to work this morning, I saw an email from The Czarina in my inbox. "Oh boy. Here we go," I thought. I clicked on it. Well, it pretty much made my day. Apparently, she was too excited to keep it all bottled up, and she must have called her sister last night, because the email essentially told me this:
"I talked to Aunt M. last night. Told her about you and CN going ring shopping. She told me to tell you two to stop shopping right away -- she has your grandmother's ring, and was going to give it to you anyway, since you're named after her. She said she might as well give it to you now. So you can have that ring. It's a platinum solitaire. Love, Mom"
My Aunt M never had any children, so it does make sense that she would eventually give me the ring. But I had forgotten all about it! I have always hoped for a family ring, but never thought it was possible. This ring in particular is especially sentimental for me, because I am named after this particular grandmother, but I never met her. So this was really great news!!! I am so excited to have a family ring. I've seen it before, but aside from remembering that I like it, I can't remember what it looks like. I think it's a pretty simple setting, with a generous diamond. I will keep it exactly how it is, though. I get to have a really neat connection to a grandma I never got to meet. That is the best kind of ring, I think. And I know CN is relieved to hear that he won't have to stress out about finding a way to buy one. :)
YAY!!! This is so great. I must have cashed in all my karma chips or something, because lately I have been feeling like I have won the lottery. How could life get any better?
So Friday night after work, CN and I looked at some rings in a couple of jewelry stores. I tried on some Tacori look-alikes, and I was very sad to realize that they didn't look right on me! They were too bulky. Designs that intricate mandate a bigger ring, and I have fairly small and delicate hands. So they were beautiful, but just very awkward-looking on me.
Instead, I fell in love with a much simpler white gold design: a 3/4 carat center stone (round, white diamond, prong-set), with .10 carat prong-set round yellow diamonds on either side. On the other side of the yellow diamonds were teeny-tiny prong-set white diamonds, stopping about halfway down the ring. (My suspicions were correct -- the eternity bands, where the diamonds make a full circle around your finger, are uncomfortable!) All in all, the ring would be around $5k, which is reasonable, I think.
I could not find an exact replica on the jewelry store's website, but this is pretty close. Just pretend the little ones on either side of the center stone are yellow:
While I wanted to keep looking, because-- hello!-- ring shopping is super fun, this one ended up being my favorite one out of three stores. It looked the most proportionate to my hand, it was comfortable, it wasn't outrageously expensive, and it felt like "me".
CN and the jewelry store guy did some number crunching, and if CN financed the whole thing, the monthly payments would be around $250.
"That's the same amount I pay on my Jeep every month," he said, thinking out loud.
"Hmm. Go figure," I replied, deadpan.
"I need to get rid of it anyway. I never drive it, and I use my company car anyway. And parking is so bad in downtown Savannah. We really don't need three cars..." he continued.
I just nodded in agreement.
He did seem a little freaked out about the whole process, but he said it was because he always gets nervous whenever he spends a large amount of money at one time. He assured me it wasn't because he didn't want to marry me or wasn't ready yet. I wanted to make sure. So when we got home, I talked to him a little bit more. I just wanted to be sure he was really ready to take this next step and start moving forward. I told him that if he wasn't ready, this was the time to tell me. I also said that if he didn't feel comfortable buying an expensive ring right now, he can get me a cheaper one -- the cost of the ring wasn't as important to me as being engaged was. I explained that I didn't want him resenting me later if he felt uncomfortable with buying something like that. "No, no, I want to get you something you like! Something nice! It's just that with both of us moving and our mortgages...money is just kind of crazy right now, and I am just not seeing how this is all going to work."
I agreed. So I told him that it's no big deal -- he can just get his own place when he moves to Savannah and we can figure it out later. I told him we can put it off and just live together later. He can take his time and save up his money. No biggie. Which works fine, anyway, since we don't know when he'll be joining me in Savannah. Could be months from now.
Well, he surprised the heck out of me. He put his Jeep, his drum set and his guitar on craigslist yesterday! Woo hoo! He must not be as freaked out about all of this as I thought! Yay!!!
Of course, I had to email the above pic to The Czarina to show her what I liked and tell her everything. I guess I shouldn't have been surprised when she called me soon after and said, "So, can I tell everyone that you are engaged????!!"
"Uh, well, no. I don't have a ring and he hasn't asked me yet, Mom, so no." I answered.
"And he hasn't called me to ask my permission yet, either," she noted with a tone of sarcasm.
"I know, Mom. I told him he has to call you before he can ask me," I said.
"I am just so baffled as to what is going on, though. I mean, you're doing it all backwards. He's supposed to ask first, then you go pick out the ring. I'm very confused," she went on.
"Well, Mom, he really didn't know exactly what all was involved with getting engaged. He thought he just needed to get me a $200 wedding band and we just go get married," I said.
"He's right. Why not? The ring's not the important part. He can get you a gemstone one that's cheaper. I mean, what are you waiting for, anyway?" she said.
"I know, Mom. I agree. I told him all of that. But he's a guy, and he wants to save up his money, so I had to show him how much these things cost, and what kind of ring I like, because he had no idea," I replied.
As you can probably tell, she's ready for me to get married yesterday. The woman is chomping at the bit to be a grandma. All her friends' kids are married with babies, and I know she feels left out. She has really surprised me. I knew she would get like this, but I didn't realize it would be so soon. He hasn't even proposed! Sheesh! Calm down!
So one trip to a jewelry store has turned my mom into a monster. She's already more obsessed than I am. I keep getting emails and voicemails with ideas for how we can consider ourselves engaged without him having to buy a nice engagement ring: "Tell him to just get you a gemstone one!" "Go check out estate sales!" "All these jewelry stores are having sales right now!" "Just get a little one for now. You can upgrade later!" "Just set the date and get the ring later!"
Jeez, Louise!
Just for the heck of it, I did look at a calendar and realized that the last Saturday in June 2010 is my dad's birthday -- the 26th. Since he won't be there to walk me down the aisle, I have always wanted to get married on his birthday. So this date actually works perfectly. I told CN about that and he said, "Sounds good to me." :)
When I got to work this morning, I saw an email from The Czarina in my inbox. "Oh boy. Here we go," I thought. I clicked on it. Well, it pretty much made my day. Apparently, she was too excited to keep it all bottled up, and she must have called her sister last night, because the email essentially told me this:
"I talked to Aunt M. last night. Told her about you and CN going ring shopping. She told me to tell you two to stop shopping right away -- she has your grandmother's ring, and was going to give it to you anyway, since you're named after her. She said she might as well give it to you now. So you can have that ring. It's a platinum solitaire. Love, Mom"
My Aunt M never had any children, so it does make sense that she would eventually give me the ring. But I had forgotten all about it! I have always hoped for a family ring, but never thought it was possible. This ring in particular is especially sentimental for me, because I am named after this particular grandmother, but I never met her. So this was really great news!!! I am so excited to have a family ring. I've seen it before, but aside from remembering that I like it, I can't remember what it looks like. I think it's a pretty simple setting, with a generous diamond. I will keep it exactly how it is, though. I get to have a really neat connection to a grandma I never got to meet. That is the best kind of ring, I think. And I know CN is relieved to hear that he won't have to stress out about finding a way to buy one. :)
YAY!!! This is so great. I must have cashed in all my karma chips or something, because lately I have been feeling like I have won the lottery. How could life get any better?
Friday, February 06, 2009
Rings I Like
Y'all, I don't know why you even read my blog. Seriously. I never get around to read anyone's anymore, it seems. I feel really guilty about it. I promise I will get to it soon!!!! My life is just really bonkers right now!!!
Ok, so CN had major sticker shock when I sent these to him, but I figured I could at least show him my dream rings, right??? OMG I am beyond in love with Tacori rings....click on "multi-view" to get a better look.
Like this one.
And this one.
Or this one.
But I think this one is probably my favorite!!! Yeah, it's pretty safe to say that I'm obsessed with Tacori. Unfortunately, I will probably never get one. :(
I'm hoping we can find a Tacori-look-alike for a much smaller price. I know there are some Scott Kay ones out there that are similar and more affordable. And there's a jewelry store in town that is going out of business, so we are going tonight to go check it out. They are having a lot of great deals. (If anyone has any tips for buying good rings at a discount, please let me know!)
Basically, I want either a round or oval diamond, either a solitaire or a 3-stone, and I want an intricate band of some kind. I really like that Art Deco 1920s look. I want my ring to look antique. I don't care so much if it's white gold or platinum. Does that make any sense?
Also, to my female readers -- do you have a ring that has diamonds all the way around the band, or carving around the whole band? Because I really like the look, but I'm worried that it will irritate the insides of my fingers, and maybe I should have a band with all the stuff just on the top, so the underside of the band is smooth and non-irritating. I'm thinking long-term comfort, you know. :)
I didn't realize it, but it turns out that CN's mom doesn't have an engagement ring. She and her hubs just went and got married. But I suspect it may have been because it was the second marriage for both of them. Anyway, CN is so funny. He honestly thought engagement rings were like $800, including the wedding band and a decent-sized diamond. I guess you can tell he's never been engaged before, huh?
Poor CN. He had major sticker shock! LOL He was like, "That's the price, just for the setting???"
"Well, babe, you're supposed to spend 3 months salary, is what I've always heard," I replied.
"That's like.....a car!" he exclaimed.
"Yes, but I think that this is a much better investment, don't you? I mean, look at what you get!" I replied, trailing my hands over my body like a product model from The Price is Right. "It's a steal, really, if you think about it."
"Babe, I hate to tell you this, but it might be awhile before I can get one of those for you," he exclaimed. "With us moving...I'm going to have to save up for a while to get that."
After making some self-depricating jokes about how I guess I'm not worth it, he started laughing and telling me I'm crazy and silly. I told him that I will take whatever he can afford and that we can probably find something similar at a lower price. (My mom had the idea of maybe getting a big gemstone ring instead, which is an idea I like. I kind of want something different anyway. I saw a girl on tv once who got a pearl engagement ring. It was pretty cool.)
"Babe, the cost of the ring is not what's important to me. As long as it's a style I like, I'm good. I dont' want you to buy a big ring and then resent me for it later. I'll take what you can afford," I explained.
"You will? Cool!" he exclaimed. "Cubic zirconia from K-Mart it is!"
"That's not funny, CN."
Ok, so CN had major sticker shock when I sent these to him, but I figured I could at least show him my dream rings, right??? OMG I am beyond in love with Tacori rings....click on "multi-view" to get a better look.
Like this one.
And this one.
Or this one.
But I think this one is probably my favorite!!! Yeah, it's pretty safe to say that I'm obsessed with Tacori. Unfortunately, I will probably never get one. :(
I'm hoping we can find a Tacori-look-alike for a much smaller price. I know there are some Scott Kay ones out there that are similar and more affordable. And there's a jewelry store in town that is going out of business, so we are going tonight to go check it out. They are having a lot of great deals. (If anyone has any tips for buying good rings at a discount, please let me know!)
Basically, I want either a round or oval diamond, either a solitaire or a 3-stone, and I want an intricate band of some kind. I really like that Art Deco 1920s look. I want my ring to look antique. I don't care so much if it's white gold or platinum. Does that make any sense?
Also, to my female readers -- do you have a ring that has diamonds all the way around the band, or carving around the whole band? Because I really like the look, but I'm worried that it will irritate the insides of my fingers, and maybe I should have a band with all the stuff just on the top, so the underside of the band is smooth and non-irritating. I'm thinking long-term comfort, you know. :)
I didn't realize it, but it turns out that CN's mom doesn't have an engagement ring. She and her hubs just went and got married. But I suspect it may have been because it was the second marriage for both of them. Anyway, CN is so funny. He honestly thought engagement rings were like $800, including the wedding band and a decent-sized diamond. I guess you can tell he's never been engaged before, huh?
Poor CN. He had major sticker shock! LOL He was like, "That's the price, just for the setting???"
"Well, babe, you're supposed to spend 3 months salary, is what I've always heard," I replied.
"That's like.....a car!" he exclaimed.
"Yes, but I think that this is a much better investment, don't you? I mean, look at what you get!" I replied, trailing my hands over my body like a product model from The Price is Right. "It's a steal, really, if you think about it."
"Babe, I hate to tell you this, but it might be awhile before I can get one of those for you," he exclaimed. "With us moving...I'm going to have to save up for a while to get that."
After making some self-depricating jokes about how I guess I'm not worth it, he started laughing and telling me I'm crazy and silly. I told him that I will take whatever he can afford and that we can probably find something similar at a lower price. (My mom had the idea of maybe getting a big gemstone ring instead, which is an idea I like. I kind of want something different anyway. I saw a girl on tv once who got a pearl engagement ring. It was pretty cool.)
"Babe, the cost of the ring is not what's important to me. As long as it's a style I like, I'm good. I dont' want you to buy a big ring and then resent me for it later. I'll take what you can afford," I explained.
"You will? Cool!" he exclaimed. "Cubic zirconia from K-Mart it is!"
"That's not funny, CN."
Wednesday, February 04, 2009
Ring in the New Year?
Update: CN's job transfer to Savannah isn't finalized, but his boss said it looks "promising", whatever that means. He and I did some number crunching, and it really just makes so much financial sense for us to go ahead and shack up, dammit. We both have mortgages and we may not get renters for a few months. There's no way I could afford rent AND a mortgage on my own. (I am not getting that big of a raise!) Besides, we all know how bad I am with money. *ahem* So I am going to have to suck it up and hope that CN will eventually buy the cow, instead of only enjoying the free milk, if you get my drift.
And I am not 100% comfortable with it. I know what you are saying/thinking: "I did it with my man, and now we're married! Don't worry!" or "It's no big deal. He loves you. You will totally get married, so just chill and go with the flow." or "You never really know someone until you live with them. This will give you insight into your marriage!" or "Marriage, schmarriage! You need the 2nd income! Be glad you're on such good terms with your future roommate!"
Which are all valid comments. But I worry. What if one year of living together turns into three...five...eight...and I turn into Little Miss Where Is My Ring??? I don't want to be that girl. With the bitching and the nagging and the ultimatums. But I will eventually get there, I know it. I already have days where I want to scream at him, "What are you waiting for???!!!!" And I always joke that I am free on Saturday afternoon if he wants to run down to the courthouse.
Also, what if we break up? (Ok, at this point, it's extremely unlikely-- laughable, actually -- but still. It could happen!) Then I am stuck with a 12-month lease on my own. Ouch.
My point is, I want some security. Preferrably in the form of a large gemstone on that all-important finger. I want him to put his money where his mouth is. I have been trying to stay calm and trust that he will do it one day like he says he will. I have made him promise that it will be before my ovaries shrivel and before my boobs are down to my knees. But that's about as much as I have said. Deep down inside, I am scared of being left high and dry or turning into a shrill bitch.
And living with a man is something I always imagined doing after I got married. I guess I'm just old-fashioned. CN thinks shacking up is a no-brainer and he's not getting why I'm freaking out about it. I tell him it's because he doesn't have a uterus. Which puts a puzzled expression on his face.
When CN asked me a few weeks ago, "Could we live together if we got engaged? Or does it have to be marriage?" I didn't really know what to say. I hadn't thought about that option. But that's a decent amount of commitment. I know, in the logical part of my brain, that he's not going anywhere. He's in it for the long haul. But that lobe in my brain, the one in charge of "What if?", is buzzing with paranoia, and I can't shut it up. Triggered by his question, that worrysome lobe began quivering, and I almost blurted out, "No! Marry me, you commitment-phobe! What the hell?! We are perfect together! Stop stalling!"
But then I remembered: moving to Savannah was my idea. Not his. And he's totally down for going, no questions asked. Moving farther away from his family. Selling or renting his house. All the personal, financial and material upheaval that comes with living in a new place. He's down for it. Because he knows it's what I want and that it will make me happy. (It will make him happy, too, don't get me wrong -- he wanted to move there, too. In like 3 years. Not 3 months. LOL)
So I said, "Yes. We can live together if we are engaged."
And then I let it drop. I didn't push it anymore. In fact, with all the talking about moving, I kind of put it in the back of my head and decided that I would worry about that later. If we got engaged first, great, if not, oh well. In other words, I was totally caving on the issue. (Shhh! Don't tell him that.)
So imagine my surprise when last night, as I was cleaning up after our dinner of bean and cheese quesadillas. CN grabbed my hands and said, "Are you ok with living with me?"
And again, I didn't really know what to say. I was....mostly. I said, "Well, I mean, yeah. But it's not really the way I had planned it. But I don't see how else I can afford it. It just doesn't make sense for us to both move there and not live together."
"Would you feel better about it if I got you a ring?" he asked.
Well, duh.
"YES!" I shouted.
"Ok, well, we can go ring shopping. Email me some photos of what you like tomorrow when you get to work." [Note: At last count, I emailed 8.]
"Can we do that this weekend?" I asked, jumping up and down.
"I thought we were going to drive down to Savannah and look at apartments," he replied.
I reminded him that we don't even know what our budget is yet, and that we might as well just stay here and go ring shopping. He agreed.
WOO HOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
And I am not 100% comfortable with it. I know what you are saying/thinking: "I did it with my man, and now we're married! Don't worry!" or "It's no big deal. He loves you. You will totally get married, so just chill and go with the flow." or "You never really know someone until you live with them. This will give you insight into your marriage!" or "Marriage, schmarriage! You need the 2nd income! Be glad you're on such good terms with your future roommate!"
Which are all valid comments. But I worry. What if one year of living together turns into three...five...eight...and I turn into Little Miss Where Is My Ring??? I don't want to be that girl. With the bitching and the nagging and the ultimatums. But I will eventually get there, I know it. I already have days where I want to scream at him, "What are you waiting for???!!!!" And I always joke that I am free on Saturday afternoon if he wants to run down to the courthouse.
Also, what if we break up? (Ok, at this point, it's extremely unlikely-- laughable, actually -- but still. It could happen!) Then I am stuck with a 12-month lease on my own. Ouch.
My point is, I want some security. Preferrably in the form of a large gemstone on that all-important finger. I want him to put his money where his mouth is. I have been trying to stay calm and trust that he will do it one day like he says he will. I have made him promise that it will be before my ovaries shrivel and before my boobs are down to my knees. But that's about as much as I have said. Deep down inside, I am scared of being left high and dry or turning into a shrill bitch.
And living with a man is something I always imagined doing after I got married. I guess I'm just old-fashioned. CN thinks shacking up is a no-brainer and he's not getting why I'm freaking out about it. I tell him it's because he doesn't have a uterus. Which puts a puzzled expression on his face.
When CN asked me a few weeks ago, "Could we live together if we got engaged? Or does it have to be marriage?" I didn't really know what to say. I hadn't thought about that option. But that's a decent amount of commitment. I know, in the logical part of my brain, that he's not going anywhere. He's in it for the long haul. But that lobe in my brain, the one in charge of "What if?", is buzzing with paranoia, and I can't shut it up. Triggered by his question, that worrysome lobe began quivering, and I almost blurted out, "No! Marry me, you commitment-phobe! What the hell?! We are perfect together! Stop stalling!"
But then I remembered: moving to Savannah was my idea. Not his. And he's totally down for going, no questions asked. Moving farther away from his family. Selling or renting his house. All the personal, financial and material upheaval that comes with living in a new place. He's down for it. Because he knows it's what I want and that it will make me happy. (It will make him happy, too, don't get me wrong -- he wanted to move there, too. In like 3 years. Not 3 months. LOL)
So I said, "Yes. We can live together if we are engaged."
And then I let it drop. I didn't push it anymore. In fact, with all the talking about moving, I kind of put it in the back of my head and decided that I would worry about that later. If we got engaged first, great, if not, oh well. In other words, I was totally caving on the issue. (Shhh! Don't tell him that.)
So imagine my surprise when last night, as I was cleaning up after our dinner of bean and cheese quesadillas. CN grabbed my hands and said, "Are you ok with living with me?"
And again, I didn't really know what to say. I was....mostly. I said, "Well, I mean, yeah. But it's not really the way I had planned it. But I don't see how else I can afford it. It just doesn't make sense for us to both move there and not live together."
"Would you feel better about it if I got you a ring?" he asked.
Well, duh.
"YES!" I shouted.
"Ok, well, we can go ring shopping. Email me some photos of what you like tomorrow when you get to work." [Note: At last count, I emailed 8.]
"Can we do that this weekend?" I asked, jumping up and down.
"I thought we were going to drive down to Savannah and look at apartments," he replied.
I reminded him that we don't even know what our budget is yet, and that we might as well just stay here and go ring shopping. He agreed.
WOO HOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Saturday, January 03, 2009
Happy New Year!!
Ok, so I am blogging from CN's computer while he's busy watching the Falcons game. They are in the playoffs, and I can hear a lot of cursing coming from his living room. :)
When the commercials come on, he gets up to pee and give me a kiss. It's pretty cute. He just walked in here to ask me if I like his wiener or not. What a dork.
Anyway, just wanted to write a short blog post to update y'all on stuff. Since I get almost 3 weeks off from work during the holidays, it's hard for me to get to a computer. CN's letting me use his. Although I doubt he knows I'm blogging right now....
Thank you, everyone who commented on my last post. It was a very painful post to write, so I appreciate the sympathy and empathy. And I don't always feel like that about my mom, it's just that she and I go through phases. We are currently in one of those phases where I seriously cannot stand her. She's not a horrible person, we just bash heads sometimes. She does it all (mostly, I think, anyway) from love and out of worry for me. It's just the methods she chooses that irk me. I really have to start letting it roll off my back, because she's never going to change. So I have to just change the way I react to her. And THB, I didn't take down your 2nd comment, even though it was a repeat, because I read it twice. It was that good! So I think it deserves to be said twice!! But seriously, my readers are the best. All of your comments made me feel so much better. It was definitely an "I love blogging, because blog readers are the best!!!" moment. :)
Going home to visit The Czarina went very well this year. WHEW. I credit Fat Dog's new girlfriend with my mother's MUCH improved behavior. I think that is the key to surviving visits with her -- bring an outsider. It keeps her on good behavior. As an added bonus, I really like Fat Dog's girlfriend. She is teeny tiny and very nice. She's totally his type -- petite, athletic, brunette who doesn't wear a lot of makeup. They are really cute together.
I got KICK ASS presents this year!!! Best Buy (hell-O ipod!!!) gift card from CN and a Lowe's gift card from Fat Dog, plus a beautiful --
DAMMIT, CN!!! STOP CHASING SAMMY AND MAKING ALL THAT NOISE!!!!!
ok, sorry about that. I swear, I am dating a 12 year old.....
Where was I? Oh, yes, CN got my that gorgeous wallet I wanted. I also got some jewelry, DVDs, potpourri, a frog tape dispenser, JP gave me a French press for coffee (although I have no idea how to use it!) and MJ gave me some Christmas decorations (because I never buy any and she thinks this is horrible) and an herb garden. Sammy got a big container of gourmet dog cookies.
And The Czarina gave me a big, phat check made out to Capital One -- that was her present to me. Along with the jewelry and the tape dispenser. It's a pretty sweet present, because she knows how much I want to pay off my Visa. I gotta give the Mom some props on that one.
And for the last week, I have been cooking, cleaning, organizing and decorating. I love working on a college student's schedule. One of the best things about my job. My house is super clean and neatly organized, and I have finished a LOT of projects I've been putting off. Soon, I will start painting E's old bedroom and the bathroom and hang up some curtains. Unfortunately, that's just about all the decorating I will be able to do for a while, since I need to focus on the credit card debt.
I'm trying to decide if I want to get a part time job or not. I really should, for the extra money and debt-paying purposes, especially since I won't have a roommate anymore. But I am ULTRA motivated to lose some weight, a part time job would really impact my gym time. I have worked out 6 days in a row, and yesterday I ran for 33 minutes straight -- a feat I have not achieved since I was in college!! GO ME!!!
I'm not doing too badly at the dieting thing, either. Not perfect, but at least conscious and aware of what goes in my mouth. I am trying not to bring junk into the house, which helps a LOT.
Although my whole body is a little sore, I am in a great mood, sleeping like a rock and have noticed how much energy I have. I think my tummy's a little flatter, but it may just be my imagination. It feels great to be getting back in shape. I hope I can keep this up. So far, so good on my New Year's Resolution.
Everyone is doing great -- CN's dad is still hanging in there, MJ and JP are doing well. Except that one of MJ's dogs died. :( And CN is wonderful, as usual.
When I'm done with my decorating, I will take some pics of my house and share with you. I have done a lot since the last time I shared pics.
Sorry this post is kind of random! I'm in a hurry and have some stuff I want to do before CN and I head out to go bowling. I'll try and catch up on everyone's blogs as soon as I can.
Happy New Year!!!
When the commercials come on, he gets up to pee and give me a kiss. It's pretty cute. He just walked in here to ask me if I like his wiener or not. What a dork.
Anyway, just wanted to write a short blog post to update y'all on stuff. Since I get almost 3 weeks off from work during the holidays, it's hard for me to get to a computer. CN's letting me use his. Although I doubt he knows I'm blogging right now....
Thank you, everyone who commented on my last post. It was a very painful post to write, so I appreciate the sympathy and empathy. And I don't always feel like that about my mom, it's just that she and I go through phases. We are currently in one of those phases where I seriously cannot stand her. She's not a horrible person, we just bash heads sometimes. She does it all (mostly, I think, anyway) from love and out of worry for me. It's just the methods she chooses that irk me. I really have to start letting it roll off my back, because she's never going to change. So I have to just change the way I react to her. And THB, I didn't take down your 2nd comment, even though it was a repeat, because I read it twice. It was that good! So I think it deserves to be said twice!! But seriously, my readers are the best. All of your comments made me feel so much better. It was definitely an "I love blogging, because blog readers are the best!!!" moment. :)
Going home to visit The Czarina went very well this year. WHEW. I credit Fat Dog's new girlfriend with my mother's MUCH improved behavior. I think that is the key to surviving visits with her -- bring an outsider. It keeps her on good behavior. As an added bonus, I really like Fat Dog's girlfriend. She is teeny tiny and very nice. She's totally his type -- petite, athletic, brunette who doesn't wear a lot of makeup. They are really cute together.
I got KICK ASS presents this year!!! Best Buy (hell-O ipod!!!) gift card from CN and a Lowe's gift card from Fat Dog, plus a beautiful --
DAMMIT, CN!!! STOP CHASING SAMMY AND MAKING ALL THAT NOISE!!!!!
ok, sorry about that. I swear, I am dating a 12 year old.....
Where was I? Oh, yes, CN got my that gorgeous wallet I wanted. I also got some jewelry, DVDs, potpourri, a frog tape dispenser, JP gave me a French press for coffee (although I have no idea how to use it!) and MJ gave me some Christmas decorations (because I never buy any and she thinks this is horrible) and an herb garden. Sammy got a big container of gourmet dog cookies.
And The Czarina gave me a big, phat check made out to Capital One -- that was her present to me. Along with the jewelry and the tape dispenser. It's a pretty sweet present, because she knows how much I want to pay off my Visa. I gotta give the Mom some props on that one.
And for the last week, I have been cooking, cleaning, organizing and decorating. I love working on a college student's schedule. One of the best things about my job. My house is super clean and neatly organized, and I have finished a LOT of projects I've been putting off. Soon, I will start painting E's old bedroom and the bathroom and hang up some curtains. Unfortunately, that's just about all the decorating I will be able to do for a while, since I need to focus on the credit card debt.
I'm trying to decide if I want to get a part time job or not. I really should, for the extra money and debt-paying purposes, especially since I won't have a roommate anymore. But I am ULTRA motivated to lose some weight, a part time job would really impact my gym time. I have worked out 6 days in a row, and yesterday I ran for 33 minutes straight -- a feat I have not achieved since I was in college!! GO ME!!!
I'm not doing too badly at the dieting thing, either. Not perfect, but at least conscious and aware of what goes in my mouth. I am trying not to bring junk into the house, which helps a LOT.
Although my whole body is a little sore, I am in a great mood, sleeping like a rock and have noticed how much energy I have. I think my tummy's a little flatter, but it may just be my imagination. It feels great to be getting back in shape. I hope I can keep this up. So far, so good on my New Year's Resolution.
Everyone is doing great -- CN's dad is still hanging in there, MJ and JP are doing well. Except that one of MJ's dogs died. :( And CN is wonderful, as usual.
When I'm done with my decorating, I will take some pics of my house and share with you. I have done a lot since the last time I shared pics.
Sorry this post is kind of random! I'm in a hurry and have some stuff I want to do before CN and I head out to go bowling. I'll try and catch up on everyone's blogs as soon as I can.
Happy New Year!!!
Monday, December 15, 2008
Red & Green
Today, they are not only Christmas colors, but also relevant to my life.
Red -- the color of my left eye. No, I do not have pinkeye. I think I have burst some blood vessels, because I have no change in vision, pain, itching, swelling or eye crusties. And it's not getting worse or spreading. Just one half of one eye, red. Just hanging out. Every time I look in the mirror, it says to me, "Hi! Yup. Still here. Making you look like you're sick, tired, high or otherwise not a good person to stand next to! Enjoy wearing your glasses!" I'm pretty sure it's just some irritated/burst blood vessels. Which, according to my casual internet research, can happen from something as simple as a sneeze, violent coughing or vomiting. It probably happened on Tuesday night, after I barfed on the way home from the gym.
Math moment:
Lazy attitude towards exercise
random, intense trainer workout at gym
+ genetic predisposition for sensitive stomach
---------------------------------------
barfing in a parking lot.
Luckily, I picked a vacant office building parking lot, so no one had to stumble upon my barf upon arriving at work the next morning. WHEW.
Anyway, WebMD says that it should get better on its own, gradually, over the next 2 weeks. If not, it's time to see a doctor. I'm not wearing my contacts as a precaution. I'm now wearing my glasses until further notice. Which I hate doing. Oh well.
Trivia fact for you: Despite my fairly frequent and unpredictable barfing spells, CN has yet to witness me barf. He didn't know that I barfed throughout our first date until weeks later when I told him. Yeah, I'm a pro. Don't hate.
Green -- As in, the color of money. Luckily, it's not my money I am referring to.
CN has a company car, which is great. He doesn't have to pay a dime out of pocket for anything car-related, including gas. Don't you just hate him? I know, me too. Because it's not his car, he has to take it to company-approved mechanics, because they have special agreements worked out with them. One of these companies is Jiffy Lube. Or, as I like to call it, Stiffy Rube. Because they are full of idiots who rip you off. Or idiots who make you take it up the ass. I will let you choose your own definition, depending on your level of pervertedness.
Hopefully, I am not offending any of you by saying this, but in my experience, Jiffy Lube hires only the most supreme morons of America. Their last straw with me was when I got an oil change, and they forgot to put the cap back on. During my drive from NC to Virginia, I started noticing something leaking from the engine up to my windshield. When my wipers failed to remove it, I pulled over to find a coating of motor oil all over my car. It was also all over my engine, and it was beginning to burn, which if you have never smelled, is not exactly anything close to Chanel No. 5. I still had about 3 hours of travel time left, and had to just deal with it until I got to The Czarina's and pay $100 to have my engine power washed. Grrrrr...
Anyway, despite my Tales of Horror and Warning Concerning Jiffy Lube, CN always gets his oil changed there -- it's one of the company approved places. It's right by our house and one of his favorite dive bars. He usually goes to the bar for a beer and pizza or to watch a game while he waits. This is what he did on Friday afternoon.
While he was enjoying his beer and pizza, the friggin idiots over at Jiffy Lube were getting a lesson in car lifts: DO NOT lift a car by anything other than pre-approved, sturdy areas of the under carriage. This is because the other areas are not meant to bear the weight of a vehicle, you frigging numb nuts who apparently flunked out of mechanic school.
When CN picked up his car, they inform him that they "had some difficulty" in removing the tires (I think he got a tire rotation, too) and didn't rotate them because of that. CN was like, "Ok, whatever," and proceeded to get into the car to get it back home. One the way home, he realizes that something is very wrong. Despite normal steering activity and decision-making skills on the part of the driver, the car wants to turn sideways, especially when the brake is applied. You can imagine how fun this is when you approach a stoplight, or say, oncoming traffic. It gives bumper cars a whole new meaning. At worst, you could die in a T-Bone collision. At best, you look like you're doing some pretty cool 180s. In traffic.
So, to sum up, Jiffy Lube is full of dipshits who are taking *no* responsibility for this, CN's car is now at a better mechanic, getting worked on. But it's so jacked up that he may actually end up getting a new company car. THAT is how much they jacked up his car. (His car is only a year old.)
While it's no skin off his nose, because he doesn't have to pay for it, CN is finally hating JackAss Lube as much as I am. File this under: "I Told You So".
Ok, I will share The Czarina's latest exploit with you in the next post. Promise. It's time to go home, and that is a post which will take some careful wording.
Red -- the color of my left eye. No, I do not have pinkeye. I think I have burst some blood vessels, because I have no change in vision, pain, itching, swelling or eye crusties. And it's not getting worse or spreading. Just one half of one eye, red. Just hanging out. Every time I look in the mirror, it says to me, "Hi! Yup. Still here. Making you look like you're sick, tired, high or otherwise not a good person to stand next to! Enjoy wearing your glasses!" I'm pretty sure it's just some irritated/burst blood vessels. Which, according to my casual internet research, can happen from something as simple as a sneeze, violent coughing or vomiting. It probably happened on Tuesday night, after I barfed on the way home from the gym.
Math moment:
Lazy attitude towards exercise
random, intense trainer workout at gym
+ genetic predisposition for sensitive stomach
---------------------------------------
barfing in a parking lot.
Luckily, I picked a vacant office building parking lot, so no one had to stumble upon my barf upon arriving at work the next morning. WHEW.
Anyway, WebMD says that it should get better on its own, gradually, over the next 2 weeks. If not, it's time to see a doctor. I'm not wearing my contacts as a precaution. I'm now wearing my glasses until further notice. Which I hate doing. Oh well.
Trivia fact for you: Despite my fairly frequent and unpredictable barfing spells, CN has yet to witness me barf. He didn't know that I barfed throughout our first date until weeks later when I told him. Yeah, I'm a pro. Don't hate.
Green -- As in, the color of money. Luckily, it's not my money I am referring to.
CN has a company car, which is great. He doesn't have to pay a dime out of pocket for anything car-related, including gas. Don't you just hate him? I know, me too. Because it's not his car, he has to take it to company-approved mechanics, because they have special agreements worked out with them. One of these companies is Jiffy Lube. Or, as I like to call it, Stiffy Rube. Because they are full of idiots who rip you off. Or idiots who make you take it up the ass. I will let you choose your own definition, depending on your level of pervertedness.
Hopefully, I am not offending any of you by saying this, but in my experience, Jiffy Lube hires only the most supreme morons of America. Their last straw with me was when I got an oil change, and they forgot to put the cap back on. During my drive from NC to Virginia, I started noticing something leaking from the engine up to my windshield. When my wipers failed to remove it, I pulled over to find a coating of motor oil all over my car. It was also all over my engine, and it was beginning to burn, which if you have never smelled, is not exactly anything close to Chanel No. 5. I still had about 3 hours of travel time left, and had to just deal with it until I got to The Czarina's and pay $100 to have my engine power washed. Grrrrr...
Anyway, despite my Tales of Horror and Warning Concerning Jiffy Lube, CN always gets his oil changed there -- it's one of the company approved places. It's right by our house and one of his favorite dive bars. He usually goes to the bar for a beer and pizza or to watch a game while he waits. This is what he did on Friday afternoon.
While he was enjoying his beer and pizza, the friggin idiots over at Jiffy Lube were getting a lesson in car lifts: DO NOT lift a car by anything other than pre-approved, sturdy areas of the under carriage. This is because the other areas are not meant to bear the weight of a vehicle, you frigging numb nuts who apparently flunked out of mechanic school.
When CN picked up his car, they inform him that they "had some difficulty" in removing the tires (I think he got a tire rotation, too) and didn't rotate them because of that. CN was like, "Ok, whatever," and proceeded to get into the car to get it back home. One the way home, he realizes that something is very wrong. Despite normal steering activity and decision-making skills on the part of the driver, the car wants to turn sideways, especially when the brake is applied. You can imagine how fun this is when you approach a stoplight, or say, oncoming traffic. It gives bumper cars a whole new meaning. At worst, you could die in a T-Bone collision. At best, you look like you're doing some pretty cool 180s. In traffic.
So, to sum up, Jiffy Lube is full of dipshits who are taking *no* responsibility for this, CN's car is now at a better mechanic, getting worked on. But it's so jacked up that he may actually end up getting a new company car. THAT is how much they jacked up his car. (His car is only a year old.)
While it's no skin off his nose, because he doesn't have to pay for it, CN is finally hating JackAss Lube as much as I am. File this under: "I Told You So".
Ok, I will share The Czarina's latest exploit with you in the next post. Promise. It's time to go home, and that is a post which will take some careful wording.
Wednesday, December 10, 2008
2nd Post for Today -- I Need Your Help!
CN has a super good idea for what to get for his mom for Christmas. She has a new dishwasher, but hasn't actually hooked it up yet, due to her being so busy with stuff. So he's going to pay for a guy to go over to her house and hook it up for her. I think this is a super awesome idea, because she would never get around to it, and even if she did, she would probably talk herself out of paying for it, especially now that she lost her job. You see, the poor woman has never had a dishwasher, so she's already so used to washing it all by hand, anyway. (I really need to tell y'all about her kitchen issues...remind me.)
I'm getting off-track.
As awesome of an idea as this is, and as easily as the idea occurred to him, he is totally baffled as to what to get for his dad. And I am no help. What do you get for a guy who is too weak to get out of bed? He can't hold anything in his hands, because his nerve endings are all shot. All he does is eat, sleep and watch TV. He's too sick and tired to do anything else. Now that hospice is involved, we know he doesn't have a lot of time left. And CN already got him a bunch of DVDs for his birthday.
So we are stumped.
I have looked on the internet for ideas, and a lot of people say it's good to give terminally ill people sentimental things, like photo albums. Other people suggest everyone write down what the person means to them and tell them what you would normally not say until you're at their funeral. Most people recommend "just quality time to talk to them and tell them how much you love them".
Well, CN's family isn't very sentimental or touchy-feely. That would just be weird and awkward. So that sort of thing is out. Which I'm kind of glad about, because watching that go down would be so depressing and it would probably make CN's mom cry. Which would make me cry. Which would be a really sucky Christmas.
I was thinking maybe some gourmet food would be good, or just a bunch of homemade yummies, like cookies or snacks. That's about all the enjoyment he has left now.
Can anyone think of anything better than that?
Ugh. I am depressed now, just thinking about this. I remember the last Christmas we had with my dad. We had Christmas in the hospital. It was the most depressing day of my life. In a lot of ways, it was worse than his funeral. Because if you are too sick to be home for Christmas, you are really sick. Like, dying sick. And all the nurses look at you with pity, because they know what's coming. It sucks.
On that note, if you know anyone who is in the hospital during the holidays, please visit them. It is miserable to be there at that time, even if it's not a serious illness.
Crap. This post is really sad. Sorry, guys. Read the next one (the one from earlier today). It's more upbeat.
Tomorrow will be good and bitchy! My mom really pissed me off this week, so I have lots to vent about! Stay tuned!
I'm getting off-track.
As awesome of an idea as this is, and as easily as the idea occurred to him, he is totally baffled as to what to get for his dad. And I am no help. What do you get for a guy who is too weak to get out of bed? He can't hold anything in his hands, because his nerve endings are all shot. All he does is eat, sleep and watch TV. He's too sick and tired to do anything else. Now that hospice is involved, we know he doesn't have a lot of time left. And CN already got him a bunch of DVDs for his birthday.
So we are stumped.
I have looked on the internet for ideas, and a lot of people say it's good to give terminally ill people sentimental things, like photo albums. Other people suggest everyone write down what the person means to them and tell them what you would normally not say until you're at their funeral. Most people recommend "just quality time to talk to them and tell them how much you love them".
Well, CN's family isn't very sentimental or touchy-feely. That would just be weird and awkward. So that sort of thing is out. Which I'm kind of glad about, because watching that go down would be so depressing and it would probably make CN's mom cry. Which would make me cry. Which would be a really sucky Christmas.
I was thinking maybe some gourmet food would be good, or just a bunch of homemade yummies, like cookies or snacks. That's about all the enjoyment he has left now.
Can anyone think of anything better than that?
Ugh. I am depressed now, just thinking about this. I remember the last Christmas we had with my dad. We had Christmas in the hospital. It was the most depressing day of my life. In a lot of ways, it was worse than his funeral. Because if you are too sick to be home for Christmas, you are really sick. Like, dying sick. And all the nurses look at you with pity, because they know what's coming. It sucks.
On that note, if you know anyone who is in the hospital during the holidays, please visit them. It is miserable to be there at that time, even if it's not a serious illness.
Crap. This post is really sad. Sorry, guys. Read the next one (the one from earlier today). It's more upbeat.
Tomorrow will be good and bitchy! My mom really pissed me off this week, so I have lots to vent about! Stay tuned!
All I Want for Christmas
...is for people to just get me what I ask for.
CN and MJ have both asked for ideas about what to get me for Christmas.
So I rattle off my list:
*a gift certificate to one of the following places:
-- Best Buy (I want to get a big, fat iPod)
-- Lowe's or Home Depot
-- Z Gallerie (LOVE their stuff)
-- Bed, Bath & Beyond
-- Victoria's Secret (I need new bras)
*Christmas decorations (I will never buy them myself! Not when I could buy more shoes! Duh!)
* Jewelry from Banana Republic (I adore about 95% of all their jewelry) or this one line at Dillard's that I like
* this kick ass wallet I want in my favorite color (it is more money than I'd spend on myself)
* anything related to Indiana University (tshirts, sweatshirts, etc)
* some of my favorite coffee from Jittery Joe's (again, I would never spend this much on coffee for myself)
MJ's response?
"Those are all lame. I will come up with something better."
CN's response?
"MJ's right. You have totally lame ideas."
WTF, people??! Last time I checked, I think I know what I want for Christmas.
Maybe they are just trying to trick me. Throw me off so I don't assume I'm getting something from my list.
Or maybe they are just hatin' because I finished the majority of my Christmas shopping before Thanksgiving. :)
Luckily, my siblings have no problem with my list. They are obedient givers, who appreciate the simplicity of what I ask for. So I am expecting lots of gift cards. Yippee!!!!
Whoever said it is better to give than to receive must have had friends who didn't accept their wishlist.
CN and MJ have both asked for ideas about what to get me for Christmas.
So I rattle off my list:
*a gift certificate to one of the following places:
-- Best Buy (I want to get a big, fat iPod)
-- Lowe's or Home Depot
-- Z Gallerie (LOVE their stuff)
-- Bed, Bath & Beyond
-- Victoria's Secret (I need new bras)
*Christmas decorations (I will never buy them myself! Not when I could buy more shoes! Duh!)
* Jewelry from Banana Republic (I adore about 95% of all their jewelry) or this one line at Dillard's that I like
* this kick ass wallet I want in my favorite color (it is more money than I'd spend on myself)
* anything related to Indiana University (tshirts, sweatshirts, etc)
* some of my favorite coffee from Jittery Joe's (again, I would never spend this much on coffee for myself)
MJ's response?
"Those are all lame. I will come up with something better."
CN's response?
"MJ's right. You have totally lame ideas."
WTF, people??! Last time I checked, I think I know what I want for Christmas.
Maybe they are just trying to trick me. Throw me off so I don't assume I'm getting something from my list.
Or maybe they are just hatin' because I finished the majority of my Christmas shopping before Thanksgiving. :)
Luckily, my siblings have no problem with my list. They are obedient givers, who appreciate the simplicity of what I ask for. So I am expecting lots of gift cards. Yippee!!!!
Whoever said it is better to give than to receive must have had friends who didn't accept their wishlist.
Wednesday, November 19, 2008
Popping Up: Ring Talk
Alright, I've been leaving you hanging long enough. I was hoping to have other interesting stories to share with you, too, but unfortunately, my life is pretty ho-hum right now. But you probably just want to know about the ring stuff, anyway, right? That's what I thought. So if, after reading this, you have any advice or insight into this situation, please share it with me. I'm a little frustrated and confused, as you will see.
So about three weeks ago, I was at the gym on a Saturday morning. While I was there, CN decided to check out the local flea market. While he was there, he saw a man selling Boston Terrier puppies and a French Bulldog. Knowing that I am a big fan of these two breeds, he told me about them when I got home from the gym. He asked me if I wanted to go see them. I said I would.
The puppies were, not surprisingly, adorable. And the French Bulldog was an adult female, all black. She was also gorgeous. And $600. The puppies were about $450. Needless to say, I did not buy any of the dogs for several reasons:
1. I don't know who the hell this flea market salesman is. For all I know, he could have stolen someone's dogs. Or the dogs could be in poor health.
2. I would rather get a rescued dog from a Boston Terrier or a Frenchie rescue organization. Or even a mutt. Homeless dogs need good homes!
3. I do not have the time or patience to deal with teaching a puppy to be house trained.
4. It is money I do not have to spend right now, anyway.
5. After the whole Toby thing, I really need to take my time and be 200% sure about getting a 2nd dog. It costs a lot to take care of two, not just financially, but my house gets extra dirty, it takes longer to care for them and walk them, etc. Although I love the idea of having a playmate for Sammy, it's a big decision and not one I take lightly.
But it was still fun to look at them. The adult female Frenchie is exactly the dog I would love to have, too.
Later on that day, CN and I were at Wal-Mart, and we talked about how cute the flea market dogs were as we shopped.
"Yeah, I thought about surprising you with one of the puppies," he said. (Hear those points racking up for CN? The man knows good gifts, I'm telling you. Even if it did piss all over my house, I would have been totally stoked to have a little puppy.)
"OMG, don't you DARE spend that kind of money on me! That is just ridiculous. Besides, those dogs were waaaay overpriced," I replied. (I know no men reading this will believe me, but I really was glad he didn't spend that kind of money on me. I would be racked with guilt.)
"Yeah," he replied, "I thought that I could either get you a dog, or I could get you a ring. I figured you'd rather have the ring, right?"
Well, you could have knocked me over with a feather! I was basically speechless, which doesn't happen to me very often. I just nodded in agreement and rambled something out of my mouth. I don't remember what I said!
This came out of the blue for me. Every time CN and I watched something about marriage or engagements on tv, he said every time, "WOW, I can't believe how quickly they got engaged! People shouldn't get engaged until they've been dating at least two years! That's just too soon!"
Whenever he would say this, I would sort of mentally sigh. I mean, let's face it. He and I are really good together. We are crazy about each other. We both agree this is by far the best relationship we've ever been in. And I'm a 29 year old woman. I want to get married. Yesterday.
So, based on his reaction to engaged couples on tv, I have always just sort of expected that we would never talk about this idea for a while. I have been thinking seriously about exactly how long I am willing to wait around. Am I willing to wait for 2 years? 4 years? I have been trying to avoid the topic, because I know how it freaks guys out. But I have to admit, I'm reaching that, "Ok, so exactly where is this going?" point. I have been trying my best not to bring it up.
But lately, it's been popping up. Sometimes, he brings it up. Sometimes, I start an innocuous conversation that dances around the topic. Sometimes, a conversation about our futures will turn into conversations about buying a house together, moving somewhere together, having kids together, long term financial plans...but up until a few weeks ago, nothing has been said about marriage or engagement stuff. He has felt comfortable talking about houses, kids, moving, etc. But not actual jewelry purchases or formal ceremonies involving multi-tiered cakes.
And now, we've had more and more of them. And at least 3 conversations about kids-- even down to baby names. And at least two about engagements. He emails house listings to me -- "Look at this house! We can afford this!" Maybe my coworkers' prediction is right: they have all been saying I will be engaged by the end of the year. (I personally am doubting this, at this point. Maybe next summer, at the earliest. If I don't screw things up. If he has more money than I know about. If pigs start flying.)
So naturally, I am a little excited about this, even if it's just talking and wishing. :D
But I'm also frustrated, because whenever I bring up anything about the future, he starts to make jokes about me nagging him or pressuring him or rushing things. The other day, he said, "Gah! If you keep talking about it, you won't know if I do it because I want to or if it's to shut you up and get you to stop nagging!"
Note: I am not nagging. I have not asked for anything, nor have I repeated any sort of request. I am not an asker or beggar or ultimatum-making kind of girl. Anytime the words "engaged" "ring" "wedding" or "marriage" come out of my mouth, suddenly I am a big nag. It's ok for him to talk about stuff, but I am not "allowed" to start the conversation -- only react to what he says. ARGH. He only does this to irritate me. I know it.
Although he is joking, I go ahead and just back off and change the subject. Now, I am totally avoiding any discussions about the future in every sense of the word. I am not going to let a little double standard mess things up for me. LOL
But it is a little frustrating for him to open up a door, but refuse to let me talk about it!!!! I am not known for being quiet!!!! Or patient!!!!
MJ thinks he is testing me. Feeling things out, as it were. I think he is blowing smoke up my ass. But that's my inner pessimist talking. What do you think? Is he testing me? Is he being serious? How do I handle this? I need to relax, don't I?
So about three weeks ago, I was at the gym on a Saturday morning. While I was there, CN decided to check out the local flea market. While he was there, he saw a man selling Boston Terrier puppies and a French Bulldog. Knowing that I am a big fan of these two breeds, he told me about them when I got home from the gym. He asked me if I wanted to go see them. I said I would.
The puppies were, not surprisingly, adorable. And the French Bulldog was an adult female, all black. She was also gorgeous. And $600. The puppies were about $450. Needless to say, I did not buy any of the dogs for several reasons:
1. I don't know who the hell this flea market salesman is. For all I know, he could have stolen someone's dogs. Or the dogs could be in poor health.
2. I would rather get a rescued dog from a Boston Terrier or a Frenchie rescue organization. Or even a mutt. Homeless dogs need good homes!
3. I do not have the time or patience to deal with teaching a puppy to be house trained.
4. It is money I do not have to spend right now, anyway.
5. After the whole Toby thing, I really need to take my time and be 200% sure about getting a 2nd dog. It costs a lot to take care of two, not just financially, but my house gets extra dirty, it takes longer to care for them and walk them, etc. Although I love the idea of having a playmate for Sammy, it's a big decision and not one I take lightly.
But it was still fun to look at them. The adult female Frenchie is exactly the dog I would love to have, too.
Later on that day, CN and I were at Wal-Mart, and we talked about how cute the flea market dogs were as we shopped.
"Yeah, I thought about surprising you with one of the puppies," he said. (Hear those points racking up for CN? The man knows good gifts, I'm telling you. Even if it did piss all over my house, I would have been totally stoked to have a little puppy.)
"OMG, don't you DARE spend that kind of money on me! That is just ridiculous. Besides, those dogs were waaaay overpriced," I replied. (I know no men reading this will believe me, but I really was glad he didn't spend that kind of money on me. I would be racked with guilt.)
"Yeah," he replied, "I thought that I could either get you a dog, or I could get you a ring. I figured you'd rather have the ring, right?"
Well, you could have knocked me over with a feather! I was basically speechless, which doesn't happen to me very often. I just nodded in agreement and rambled something out of my mouth. I don't remember what I said!
This came out of the blue for me. Every time CN and I watched something about marriage or engagements on tv, he said every time, "WOW, I can't believe how quickly they got engaged! People shouldn't get engaged until they've been dating at least two years! That's just too soon!"
Whenever he would say this, I would sort of mentally sigh. I mean, let's face it. He and I are really good together. We are crazy about each other. We both agree this is by far the best relationship we've ever been in. And I'm a 29 year old woman. I want to get married. Yesterday.
So, based on his reaction to engaged couples on tv, I have always just sort of expected that we would never talk about this idea for a while. I have been thinking seriously about exactly how long I am willing to wait around. Am I willing to wait for 2 years? 4 years? I have been trying to avoid the topic, because I know how it freaks guys out. But I have to admit, I'm reaching that, "Ok, so exactly where is this going?" point. I have been trying my best not to bring it up.
But lately, it's been popping up. Sometimes, he brings it up. Sometimes, I start an innocuous conversation that dances around the topic. Sometimes, a conversation about our futures will turn into conversations about buying a house together, moving somewhere together, having kids together, long term financial plans...but up until a few weeks ago, nothing has been said about marriage or engagement stuff. He has felt comfortable talking about houses, kids, moving, etc. But not actual jewelry purchases or formal ceremonies involving multi-tiered cakes.
And now, we've had more and more of them. And at least 3 conversations about kids-- even down to baby names. And at least two about engagements. He emails house listings to me -- "Look at this house! We can afford this!" Maybe my coworkers' prediction is right: they have all been saying I will be engaged by the end of the year. (I personally am doubting this, at this point. Maybe next summer, at the earliest. If I don't screw things up. If he has more money than I know about. If pigs start flying.)
So naturally, I am a little excited about this, even if it's just talking and wishing. :D
But I'm also frustrated, because whenever I bring up anything about the future, he starts to make jokes about me nagging him or pressuring him or rushing things. The other day, he said, "Gah! If you keep talking about it, you won't know if I do it because I want to or if it's to shut you up and get you to stop nagging!"
Note: I am not nagging. I have not asked for anything, nor have I repeated any sort of request. I am not an asker or beggar or ultimatum-making kind of girl. Anytime the words "engaged" "ring" "wedding" or "marriage" come out of my mouth, suddenly I am a big nag. It's ok for him to talk about stuff, but I am not "allowed" to start the conversation -- only react to what he says. ARGH. He only does this to irritate me. I know it.
Although he is joking, I go ahead and just back off and change the subject. Now, I am totally avoiding any discussions about the future in every sense of the word. I am not going to let a little double standard mess things up for me. LOL
But it is a little frustrating for him to open up a door, but refuse to let me talk about it!!!! I am not known for being quiet!!!! Or patient!!!!
MJ thinks he is testing me. Feeling things out, as it were. I think he is blowing smoke up my ass. But that's my inner pessimist talking. What do you think? Is he testing me? Is he being serious? How do I handle this? I need to relax, don't I?
Tuesday, November 11, 2008
Blogging Rut
Can you tell I'm in a blogging rut? It's just one of those times in your life where there isn't much going on, and I don't want to bore my readers with mundane things, so I just don't blog. Life hits lulls in action like this sometimes. Maybe it is the quiet before the storm?
Random updates..........(this will be super-random, I apologize, but it's been a long day at the library!)
First let me say that if you are a vet, thank you for serving our country. I cannot imagine the sacrifice our veterans have made over the decades and am grateful to all veterans for keeping us safe and free. If I could, I would be proud to shake your hand. :)
Yes, I am still obsessed with genealogy. I will spare you the details. But I haven't really been up to much else. That is so sad to type that, and then read it. And realize it's a statement about yourself...*sigh* I am 29, yet I live the life of an 83 year old. What can I say? I have never been cool. Why start now? There's no use in denying my lack of general hipness.
As I predicted in my last post, Lady Starfish did not call. I am not really surprised by that, and not really sure what to do. After a certain point, it takes two people to make a friendship work. I feel like I have always been the one to do the work. Then again, as we can see from the last paragraph, it's not like she's missing much.
Speaking of friendships...
Did I tell you that my roommate, E, moved out? She moved out at the end of October. Which is fine by me. Things had been...uncomfortable between us for some time. The random guy in her bed (uh, there's a post on it...somewhere...) was pretty much the nail in the coffin for our peaceful cohabitation. Although I will miss having the extra money, it is such a relief to know that I don't have to share my house with anyone else anymore. To be honest, she was driving me batty, and I don't know if I can even still be friends with her. What is that saying....familiarity breeds contempt? Yes, I think that sums it up pretty well. I might blog more about this at a later point. I'm starting to think that there is something wrong with me, as I am starting to not like most people the older I get....hmmm. This might deserve a post of its own...perhaps my personality is aging faster than my body? I am starting to feel like a cranky old fart trapped in an overweight young person's body......oh dear......
I didn't do much for Halloween. JP (my other partner in crime) and I went to MJ's house to give out candy to trick-or-treaters and watch a scary movie. The trick-or-treaters never showed up, so JP and I got to take home all the left over candy. Which is great if you have a sweet tooth, but BAD if you have a sweet tooth AND you're trying to lose weight. (And to answer your question, no, I have not lost any weight. And I don't want to talk about it.) We watched a movie called The Strangers, and it was pretty good. It definitely had some freaky moments.
After that, I got a pretty bad cold, so I felt like crap all last week-- up until yesterday, really. I was Kleenex Queen. All I wanted to do was take swigs from a bottle of Nyquil, nap on my couch and eat soup.
Let's see. What else has been going on.
Sammy has an ear infection.
MJ is dating a hot French guy.
I am getting back into working out again (still waiting for diet motivation to make an appearance, however...).
Last night, I dreamt that I was on a road trip with Barack Obama. I was riding shotgun in a beat-up pick up truck, and I said something funny, and we had a good laugh. That's all I remember.
Oh, and CN used the phrase, "...or I could get you a ring." the other day.
:0
Yup. You read that correctly. More later. I will keep you hanging for now!
Random updates..........(this will be super-random, I apologize, but it's been a long day at the library!)
First let me say that if you are a vet, thank you for serving our country. I cannot imagine the sacrifice our veterans have made over the decades and am grateful to all veterans for keeping us safe and free. If I could, I would be proud to shake your hand. :)
Yes, I am still obsessed with genealogy. I will spare you the details. But I haven't really been up to much else. That is so sad to type that, and then read it. And realize it's a statement about yourself...*sigh* I am 29, yet I live the life of an 83 year old. What can I say? I have never been cool. Why start now? There's no use in denying my lack of general hipness.
As I predicted in my last post, Lady Starfish did not call. I am not really surprised by that, and not really sure what to do. After a certain point, it takes two people to make a friendship work. I feel like I have always been the one to do the work. Then again, as we can see from the last paragraph, it's not like she's missing much.
Speaking of friendships...
Did I tell you that my roommate, E, moved out? She moved out at the end of October. Which is fine by me. Things had been...uncomfortable between us for some time. The random guy in her bed (uh, there's a post on it...somewhere...) was pretty much the nail in the coffin for our peaceful cohabitation. Although I will miss having the extra money, it is such a relief to know that I don't have to share my house with anyone else anymore. To be honest, she was driving me batty, and I don't know if I can even still be friends with her. What is that saying....familiarity breeds contempt? Yes, I think that sums it up pretty well. I might blog more about this at a later point. I'm starting to think that there is something wrong with me, as I am starting to not like most people the older I get....hmmm. This might deserve a post of its own...perhaps my personality is aging faster than my body? I am starting to feel like a cranky old fart trapped in an overweight young person's body......oh dear......
I didn't do much for Halloween. JP (my other partner in crime) and I went to MJ's house to give out candy to trick-or-treaters and watch a scary movie. The trick-or-treaters never showed up, so JP and I got to take home all the left over candy. Which is great if you have a sweet tooth, but BAD if you have a sweet tooth AND you're trying to lose weight. (And to answer your question, no, I have not lost any weight. And I don't want to talk about it.) We watched a movie called The Strangers, and it was pretty good. It definitely had some freaky moments.
After that, I got a pretty bad cold, so I felt like crap all last week-- up until yesterday, really. I was Kleenex Queen. All I wanted to do was take swigs from a bottle of Nyquil, nap on my couch and eat soup.
Let's see. What else has been going on.
Sammy has an ear infection.
MJ is dating a hot French guy.
I am getting back into working out again (still waiting for diet motivation to make an appearance, however...).
Last night, I dreamt that I was on a road trip with Barack Obama. I was riding shotgun in a beat-up pick up truck, and I said something funny, and we had a good laugh. That's all I remember.
Oh, and CN used the phrase, "...or I could get you a ring." the other day.
:0
Yup. You read that correctly. More later. I will keep you hanging for now!
Monday, September 29, 2008
CNversations
I need to do a better job at remembering to share the funny conversations CN and I have. He seriously cracks me up. Other times, I'm stupid and/or deaf, which makes an otherwise mundane conversation hilarious.
A few weeks ago, I stopped by his house when I got home from work. I was sitting on a barstool, talking to him while he was in the kitchen, re-heating some leftovers for me. I hadn't had dinner, and I was starved.
"So, babe, did you have a good day? What happened, anything interesting?" I asked.
What he said: "Yeah. Not much. How 'bout you?"
What I heard: "Yeah. Not much. I love you."
"AWWWWWWWWW!!!! That was so sweet! I love you, too!" I exclaimed.
A look of total confusion spread across his face.
"Um, ok. But I didn't say that," he replied.
We had a good laugh about it. And now, when we are feeling goofy, instead of saying "I love you" we say "How 'bout you?". He loves to say that I hear what I want to hear and that I don't listen, citing this conversation as evidence.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Every once in a while, CN will be driving around town somewhere for work and he will call me for help. Since he conducts background checks on people, he has to interview a lot of people all over town all day: former employers, former teachers, ex-spouses, etc. Sometimes, his GPS system won't find an address he needs, so he calls me at work so I can look it up for him on Mapquest and give him directions.
Today was one of those days.
"Hi, babe! I was wondering if you could look up an address for me," he said.
"Sure! Let me pull up Mapquest here..." I said, typing. "Ok, what's the address?"
"200 Hardwood," he said.
*pause*
"Wait...did you just say 'hard wood'?" I asked, stifling a giggle.
"Yeah, baby! As in hard wood!" he answered, using a silly voice. I could practically see him doing some pervy hip thrust, complete with the white man's overbite and emphatic arm thrusts.
I laughed.
Then, he gave the obligatory joking reference to his own "member", which I will not share here, much to the relief of my audience, I am sure. (I swear, it is a law of manhood that at every opportunity, a guy is supposed to reference his...member. Men are obsessed with their own penises. Obsessed. It's ridiculous.)
"Good grief," I replied, rolling my eyes. "What pervert named that street?" I said.
"I know, right?" he replied.
I searched for the address in Mapquest. No results.
"I can't find hard wood," I replied, grinning.
[Insert CN's 2nd perverted reference to his member here. Yes, I walked into it, I know. Ah, the joys of dating a fellow pervert...]
"That's ok, babe. I'll just call the guy back and ask him to give me directions," CN said.
We said good-bye and got off the phone. I wonder how CN phrased it...maybe he had to stop and ask someone on the way over there....
Yes, hi, I can't seem to find Hardwood...
I'm sorry, but I've looked everywhere, and I just can't seem to figure out where Hardwood is...
My GPS is telling me there's no Hardwood anywhere around here...
Sorry to bother you, but do you know how to get to Hardwood?
Tee hee. I hope no one yells at him for being a pervert!
A few weeks ago, I stopped by his house when I got home from work. I was sitting on a barstool, talking to him while he was in the kitchen, re-heating some leftovers for me. I hadn't had dinner, and I was starved.
"So, babe, did you have a good day? What happened, anything interesting?" I asked.
What he said: "Yeah. Not much. How 'bout you?"
What I heard: "Yeah. Not much. I love you."
"AWWWWWWWWW!!!! That was so sweet! I love you, too!" I exclaimed.
A look of total confusion spread across his face.
"Um, ok. But I didn't say that," he replied.
We had a good laugh about it. And now, when we are feeling goofy, instead of saying "I love you" we say "How 'bout you?". He loves to say that I hear what I want to hear and that I don't listen, citing this conversation as evidence.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Every once in a while, CN will be driving around town somewhere for work and he will call me for help. Since he conducts background checks on people, he has to interview a lot of people all over town all day: former employers, former teachers, ex-spouses, etc. Sometimes, his GPS system won't find an address he needs, so he calls me at work so I can look it up for him on Mapquest and give him directions.
Today was one of those days.
"Hi, babe! I was wondering if you could look up an address for me," he said.
"Sure! Let me pull up Mapquest here..." I said, typing. "Ok, what's the address?"
"200 Hardwood," he said.
*pause*
"Wait...did you just say 'hard wood'?" I asked, stifling a giggle.
"Yeah, baby! As in hard wood!" he answered, using a silly voice. I could practically see him doing some pervy hip thrust, complete with the white man's overbite and emphatic arm thrusts.
I laughed.
Then, he gave the obligatory joking reference to his own "member", which I will not share here, much to the relief of my audience, I am sure. (I swear, it is a law of manhood that at every opportunity, a guy is supposed to reference his...member. Men are obsessed with their own penises. Obsessed. It's ridiculous.)
"Good grief," I replied, rolling my eyes. "What pervert named that street?" I said.
"I know, right?" he replied.
I searched for the address in Mapquest. No results.
"I can't find hard wood," I replied, grinning.
[Insert CN's 2nd perverted reference to his member here. Yes, I walked into it, I know. Ah, the joys of dating a fellow pervert...]
"That's ok, babe. I'll just call the guy back and ask him to give me directions," CN said.
We said good-bye and got off the phone. I wonder how CN phrased it...maybe he had to stop and ask someone on the way over there....
Yes, hi, I can't seem to find Hardwood...
I'm sorry, but I've looked everywhere, and I just can't seem to figure out where Hardwood is...
My GPS is telling me there's no Hardwood anywhere around here...
Sorry to bother you, but do you know how to get to Hardwood?
Tee hee. I hope no one yells at him for being a pervert!
Tuesday, September 23, 2008
Updates
1. CN's dad is home from the hospital. YAY! Although it's a lot easier on his mom now, she is still really stressed out. When CN and I went down to visit them this past weekend, I told her that she can call me if she needs someone to sit at the house while she runs errands or takes a nap or whatever. She will probably never take me up on the offer, but I wish she would. She's a bundle of nerves. As for CN's dad, he's in better shape emotionally. He's really happy to be home after staying in a hospital for 3 weeks. But physically, he's worse than ever. He can't even get out of bed or use his hands now. The radiation has basically fried his nerve endings and really weakened his muscles. And the radiation treatments (15 of them!) made his hair fall out. :( Luckily, a nurse comes by twice a day to help out. So things are better, but not good.
2. Did you hear about the plane crash?? The doctors are saying that Travis Barker and DJ AM should make a full recovery, so that's good. But it's so sad about the rest of the people on the plane. They think a blown tire caused the crash.
3. My roommate, E, is still hanging out with the Random Guy, despite how she told me she doesn't really like him. Ugh. I just do not like him. Have you ever met someone and instantly knew you should not trust them? That's how I feel about this guy. And I don't mean like I'm worried he's going to steal stuff. Not that kind of distrust. More along the lines of he's a player and just out to use women. That kind of distrust. The sketchy, lying kind. Anyway, I just sleep over at CN's house when he's over. That way, I don't have to worry about their beer-induced midnight romping. Ugh. (The upside? I think E feels a little guilty, because she's been taking out the trash and washing all the dishes. I am not complaining. I like this arrangement.)
4. MJ got free tix to the South Carolina football game this weekend, and she is taking ME!!! YAY!!!! We get free food and drinks at her company's tailgating area, too. WOO HOO!!! I have the bestest best friend ever. Not only is she WAY cooler than I am, she is also generous. OMG you have no idea how totally excited I am. There is nothing better than seeing the Gamecocks play live, in the stadium. Unless you've been to an SEC football game, you have no idea what I'm talking about. It's a total blast. It's so hard to get tickets, let alone FREE ones. This is SWEET.
5. I finally broke down and bought some new (ie, bigger) pants this weekend. While bummed that I now have to wear a size (ok, two sizes) larger than usual, I really did need some new work clothes. "I feel like I'm rewarding myself for getting fat," I said to CN. He made me feel better by reminding me that it's ok, because I'm doing what I can so I won't have to wear them for too long. I have been doing pretty well at cutting sugar from my diet and eliminating all snacks and fried foods. Next week, I will start to exercise a lot more, too. With any luck, I should be able to lose some weight here pretty soon. Keep your fingers crossed for me.
6. You might be saying to yourself right now, "Shopping? Football games? Gee, VB, it seems like you have a lot of free time lately." To which I reply, "Why, how observant of you, my dear reader!" I have decided to quit my part time job at Dildo's. I put in my 2 weeks notice a couple of weeks ago. I decided that I deserve a break. And I need to be able to support CN right now. I might get another part time job after the holidays are over, but for now, I am really looking forward to being able to clean my house, see my friends, sleep in, go to the gym, etc. My last day is tomorrow. I cannot even tell you how freaking excited I am to finally have a life again. I even bought a new cookbook in anticipation of all the cooking I will be able to do soon!
And I have paid off about $2500 in credit card debt! While not super amazing, it is a nice dent in my debt, and nothing to be ashamed of. I can still (hopefully) continue to pay it down, albeit more slowly than before.
7. My stalker hasn't bothered me, aside from a bunch of staring, which is creepy enough. But I never walk to my car alone, and my boss gave me permission to call security at any time if he says anything inappropriate to me. Unfortunately, the creepy staring isn't enough to have him removed. But at least my boss is backing me on this and taking it seriously. She was really concerned when I told her about it. So far, so good......
Ok, you're all caught up now. :) Thanks for reading. I'm off to go leave comments on other blogs...ta ta for now!
2. Did you hear about the plane crash?? The doctors are saying that Travis Barker and DJ AM should make a full recovery, so that's good. But it's so sad about the rest of the people on the plane. They think a blown tire caused the crash.
3. My roommate, E, is still hanging out with the Random Guy, despite how she told me she doesn't really like him. Ugh. I just do not like him. Have you ever met someone and instantly knew you should not trust them? That's how I feel about this guy. And I don't mean like I'm worried he's going to steal stuff. Not that kind of distrust. More along the lines of he's a player and just out to use women. That kind of distrust. The sketchy, lying kind. Anyway, I just sleep over at CN's house when he's over. That way, I don't have to worry about their beer-induced midnight romping. Ugh. (The upside? I think E feels a little guilty, because she's been taking out the trash and washing all the dishes. I am not complaining. I like this arrangement.)
4. MJ got free tix to the South Carolina football game this weekend, and she is taking ME!!! YAY!!!! We get free food and drinks at her company's tailgating area, too. WOO HOO!!! I have the bestest best friend ever. Not only is she WAY cooler than I am, she is also generous. OMG you have no idea how totally excited I am. There is nothing better than seeing the Gamecocks play live, in the stadium. Unless you've been to an SEC football game, you have no idea what I'm talking about. It's a total blast. It's so hard to get tickets, let alone FREE ones. This is SWEET.
5. I finally broke down and bought some new (ie, bigger) pants this weekend. While bummed that I now have to wear a size (ok, two sizes) larger than usual, I really did need some new work clothes. "I feel like I'm rewarding myself for getting fat," I said to CN. He made me feel better by reminding me that it's ok, because I'm doing what I can so I won't have to wear them for too long. I have been doing pretty well at cutting sugar from my diet and eliminating all snacks and fried foods. Next week, I will start to exercise a lot more, too. With any luck, I should be able to lose some weight here pretty soon. Keep your fingers crossed for me.
6. You might be saying to yourself right now, "Shopping? Football games? Gee, VB, it seems like you have a lot of free time lately." To which I reply, "Why, how observant of you, my dear reader!" I have decided to quit my part time job at Dildo's. I put in my 2 weeks notice a couple of weeks ago. I decided that I deserve a break. And I need to be able to support CN right now. I might get another part time job after the holidays are over, but for now, I am really looking forward to being able to clean my house, see my friends, sleep in, go to the gym, etc. My last day is tomorrow. I cannot even tell you how freaking excited I am to finally have a life again. I even bought a new cookbook in anticipation of all the cooking I will be able to do soon!
And I have paid off about $2500 in credit card debt! While not super amazing, it is a nice dent in my debt, and nothing to be ashamed of. I can still (hopefully) continue to pay it down, albeit more slowly than before.
7. My stalker hasn't bothered me, aside from a bunch of staring, which is creepy enough. But I never walk to my car alone, and my boss gave me permission to call security at any time if he says anything inappropriate to me. Unfortunately, the creepy staring isn't enough to have him removed. But at least my boss is backing me on this and taking it seriously. She was really concerned when I told her about it. So far, so good......
Ok, you're all caught up now. :) Thanks for reading. I'm off to go leave comments on other blogs...ta ta for now!
Wednesday, September 03, 2008
Wednesday Randomness
Thanks, everyone, for your supportive comments on the last post. I am in much better spirits than I was when I posted that last week. CN's dad is still in the hospital, but it's just so he can get some strength back before he goes home on Friday. Hopefully, the radiation went well. We will see. CN and I are hopefully going to visit him this weekend.
I haven't posted in a week! Let me see, what has been going on....CN's air conditioner broke, costing him $1,400. YIKES. I don't know if he was under warranty or not, and CN was too annoyed to care -- he just wanted it fixed. The unit is only 3 years old. It needed a new coil and it was leaking antifreeze (or whatever that liquid is they put in AC units). No one we know had any good recommendations for HVAC companies, so he just called someone out of the phone book. He's worried he got screwed, as am I, but it's sort of like mechanics -- unless you get a good recommendation, you're a target for getting screwed. :(
They say bad things come in 3s......keep your fingers crossed for CN! He might have another doozy left!
My roommate E isn't interested in the Random Guy anymore. So that's good......for me, anyway! He was a jerk, from what she's told me, and CN met him and told me afterwards that he had "loser" written all over him! LOL I had to agree -- what 33 year old guy still lives with his parents? And lets his mom still do his laundry? Red flag!
Sammy turned 6 this past weekend. He got lots of treats and a walk in the park. Aw. Let me see if I can find a pic of him really quickly....
There he is! My little puppy dog...aw.
Ok, this is an exciting time of year, because it is both football season and back-to-school season. Oh! And election time, too. I have fun stuff to share!
But right now, I gotta run. I have to work at Dildo's tonight, but I promise I will post the fun stuff tomorrow!!
I haven't posted in a week! Let me see, what has been going on....CN's air conditioner broke, costing him $1,400. YIKES. I don't know if he was under warranty or not, and CN was too annoyed to care -- he just wanted it fixed. The unit is only 3 years old. It needed a new coil and it was leaking antifreeze (or whatever that liquid is they put in AC units). No one we know had any good recommendations for HVAC companies, so he just called someone out of the phone book. He's worried he got screwed, as am I, but it's sort of like mechanics -- unless you get a good recommendation, you're a target for getting screwed. :(
They say bad things come in 3s......keep your fingers crossed for CN! He might have another doozy left!
My roommate E isn't interested in the Random Guy anymore. So that's good......for me, anyway! He was a jerk, from what she's told me, and CN met him and told me afterwards that he had "loser" written all over him! LOL I had to agree -- what 33 year old guy still lives with his parents? And lets his mom still do his laundry? Red flag!
Sammy turned 6 this past weekend. He got lots of treats and a walk in the park. Aw. Let me see if I can find a pic of him really quickly....
There he is! My little puppy dog...aw.
Ok, this is an exciting time of year, because it is both football season and back-to-school season. Oh! And election time, too. I have fun stuff to share!
But right now, I gotta run. I have to work at Dildo's tonight, but I promise I will post the fun stuff tomorrow!!
Wednesday, August 27, 2008
WHAM
Oh, how I wish this post was about George Michael. You have no idea how much I'd love to tell you to wake me up, before you go go.
Nope. This is a crappy post. Like, maybe keep some kleenex nearby.
I went over to CN's last night to watch tv with him. He's been a little down lately, because of his dad's poor health. I wanted to see how he was doing and besides, I missed him. (Yes, I miss him after 18 hours. Shut up.)
"Hi Babe!" I said, walking in the front door.
"Hi!" he said from the couch. He was watching tv.
Then, I went over to explain to him why I was at his house, instead of making him a peach cobbler like I told him I was going to do. It's because I can't keep the fresh peaches longer than 6 hours before they rot (I have no idea what is up with that, but it's very frustrating). After three tries of using fresh, local peaches, I had given up and decided to use frozen peaches. I had originally planned on baking the cobbler on Sunday, but we had been at the hospital all day and the defrosted frozen peaches had rotted in the fridge and yadda yadda yadda...
That's when I noticed he had a Bible next to him.
Not that this is totally out of the question, because he and I have talked about God before and we both pray before we fall asleep at night, and I do want to start going to church again. But he and I don't really crack open a Bible at the end of the day, either. This was out of the ordinary.
I knew it had to do with his dad. Something was up. Which stinks, because he's the kind of guy who doesn't like to talk about crappy stuff, like sick parents. Basically, we are opposite in this way. Which leaves me not really knowing what to do. Do I ask and make him uncomfortable? Do I make him talk about it, because I know it's good to talk about this stuff, even if it isn't exactly a picnic? Or do I allow him to remain quiet and lost in his thoughts? Should I just STFU and watch tv? To be honest, I haven't exactly learned what to do when it comes to Serious Crappiness Relating to The Boyfriend. I am sort of trying to learn what to do as I go, and hoping that I don't upset him or piss him off in the process. I will be the first to admit that he and I are still learning how to communicate with each other in certain situations. [See post from earlier this week...]
I decided to just ask.
"Have you talked to your mom?" I squeaked, hesitatingly.
"Yeah."
And that's when he told me. His dad is getting radiation all week, and going home on Friday to recuperate. If the radiation doesn't work, the doctors are giving him 6 weeks to live. If it does work, they are giving him 8 months. Eight months. Best case scenario. Fuck. Actually, you know what, "fuck" doesn't even begin to express how much this sucks. For him. For CN. For their family. Stop and imagine how it would feel if you got this news. "Hey, by the way, that person you love very much? That person you have known your whole life? Yeah, they won't be here next summer. This is a good time to take that vacation you've always talked about."
Kinda puts stuff in perspective, huh?
The doctors want his parents to sign all the end-of-life paperwork. Which is not fun to fill out, because it asks questions like, "If you are unable to breathe on your own, do you want the doctors to resuscitate you or not?" and "Would you want to be on life support? Have feeding tubes? Be in a permanent vegetative state? Or do you want us to pull the plug?"
As you can probably tell, it's not looking good. And unless you've been through this type of shit with your own loved ones, you are not fully grasping it, let me tell you. I helped my mom fill out that form when my dad was really sick. He died a month to the day after we filled out that paperwork. When the doctor told CN's mom he wanted her to fill it out, I knew what it meant (oh shit, that's not good), but I could tell that CN and his mom did not fully grasp it. The look on their faces was more along the lines of, "That's just a precaution, right? Right?"
I was filled with flashbacks. If you are in the club, too, you are probably having flashbacks of your own loved one's illness right now, as you are reading this. What club am I talking about? The Grief Club. Not exactly a club I was hoping to be a part of. Anyway, until you have lost a close relative or loved one, you cannot understand what it's like. You think you do, but you don't, trust me. When I was in your shoes, I thought I could understand what grief was like, too.
Grief is like a brick wall of sadness. And you hit it, face first, at about 95mph. Again and again and again. All day long. Every 2 minutes. Until further notice. It could be a week. Or a month. Or a few months. Or the rest of your life. It's like being trapped on a scary rollercoaster, wanting to get off, but never being allowed. You can't talk. You can't think, unless you are thinking sad things. You can't look people in the eye. You want to be alone, but at the same time, you want to be surrounded by people. It feels weird to laugh, but you want someone to tell a funny story about that person so badly, even if you cry and laugh at the same time. You definitely do not feel like yourself.
And then one day, you are ok. You start to feel non-zombie again, and you start to do normal things again. Like eating. And sleeping. And not crying every second of every day. You can go to the grocery store, and actually make it home before you burst into tears. This is good!
Every day gets a little bit easier. You are thinking, "Ok, cool. I made it. It's all going to be ok." And then WHAM it hits you again out of nowhere. Like when you see something that reminds you of that person. Or when someone's dying in a movie. Or when you pick up the phone to call them, and realize that you can't. WHAM. You're back on that rollercoaster.
Right now, I have volunteered to get back on the rollercoaster. Because I can't watch CN's family go through all of this without thinking about my dad. And I can't just opt out of being there for him during all of this. Heck, at this stage in my life, I practically have a PhD in Grief. I'm exactly the person who should be with CN right now. He needs me. And as difficult as this is going to be for me, I have to be there for him. It's part of my Official Girlfriend Duties. *salutes*
As we pulled into the hospital last Sunday, I said aloud without thinking, "This is the first time I've been in a hospital since my dad died." WHAM. CN doesn't know this, and I hate to admit it, but part of the reason I didn't go with him on Saturday was because I knew this would happen. I knew all the grief feelings would well up inside me again. And it's a sickening feeling. A helpless feeling. A sad feeling. And I know it's selfish of me, but who wants to sign up for feeling like that? I knew that if I went with him, I'd have to go there. To that painful place, full of tears and emotions and memories. I hate going there.
As we walked up to the room where CN's dad is, all I could think was, "Please don't let there be tubes coming out of his face. Please, no tubes. I can't handle tubes." Thankfully, there where no tubes. And the hospital didn't have that "hospital" smell. Which was a big relief, too. I hate that smell. It smells like sterile cotton pads, mixed with body fluids, cafeteria food and stale air. Seriously, if you work in a hospital, and you are reading this, can y'all buy some damn febreeze or something? Cuz you are just used to it, trust me. It smells like ass where you work.
I did ok during most of the visit, but it definitely had its WHAM moments. The beeping machines. The bags of fluids. It was a lot to take in, without much mental preparation. I did ok on Sunday, but ever since then, it's been a long descent. Back on the rollercoaster. I have been carefully repairing myself these last three years, putting all the grief feelings behind me. It's like I have been building a brick wall, one brick at a time, very slowly. Not that I would ever fully brick it up and close it up. That's impossible. It's with you always. But I had built a wall high enough that it didn't hurt anymore. It was starting to be ok to talk about it. Even feel happy about the time I did have with my dad. I felt ok putting it away. Way back in the long term storage area of my brain. Like a cherished toy from childhood. Not that it's not important to you anymore, but somehow, in a way, you have moved on. Enough time had passed. Life goes on. He's still there, with me, inside my heart. Death is part of life. It has taken me 3 years to get here.
And now, all the wounds are split open again. I get to experience it all, from the beginning stages to the end. Only this time, I am on the outside, mostly. It's like having an out-of-body experience. I am experiencing the same feelings, but in a different way. I know what's going to happen. I know there will be urgent phone calls and moments of hope that will be dashed to pieces. I know there will be lots of crying and exhaustion. I could probably predict every moment right now. But this time, there is a new element. I get to see someone I love very much deal with a whole lot of pain, and there's nothing I can do or say to prepare him for it. I can't stop it. I can't do a whole lot to make him feel better. This time, in addition to feeling my own grief well up inside of me, I have to watch someone I love feel grief for the first time, which is almost as painful, because I can't fully feel what he's feeling. I can only feel a ghost of my own grief. It's like sympathy pains. Kinda.
I know what is coming down the pipe for him and his family. It's like going to the doctor, knowing you are going to have to have a shot. You know it's going to suck, and there's no way out of it. Only with grief, it's like, 1,000 times worse. And I can try to describe it and warn him about it all I want, but I will never be able to. It's something he will have to experience with his family. The most I can do is be by his side. We will ride the roller coaster together.
Nope. This is a crappy post. Like, maybe keep some kleenex nearby.
I went over to CN's last night to watch tv with him. He's been a little down lately, because of his dad's poor health. I wanted to see how he was doing and besides, I missed him. (Yes, I miss him after 18 hours. Shut up.)
"Hi Babe!" I said, walking in the front door.
"Hi!" he said from the couch. He was watching tv.
Then, I went over to explain to him why I was at his house, instead of making him a peach cobbler like I told him I was going to do. It's because I can't keep the fresh peaches longer than 6 hours before they rot (I have no idea what is up with that, but it's very frustrating). After three tries of using fresh, local peaches, I had given up and decided to use frozen peaches. I had originally planned on baking the cobbler on Sunday, but we had been at the hospital all day and the defrosted frozen peaches had rotted in the fridge and yadda yadda yadda...
That's when I noticed he had a Bible next to him.
Not that this is totally out of the question, because he and I have talked about God before and we both pray before we fall asleep at night, and I do want to start going to church again. But he and I don't really crack open a Bible at the end of the day, either. This was out of the ordinary.
I knew it had to do with his dad. Something was up. Which stinks, because he's the kind of guy who doesn't like to talk about crappy stuff, like sick parents. Basically, we are opposite in this way. Which leaves me not really knowing what to do. Do I ask and make him uncomfortable? Do I make him talk about it, because I know it's good to talk about this stuff, even if it isn't exactly a picnic? Or do I allow him to remain quiet and lost in his thoughts? Should I just STFU and watch tv? To be honest, I haven't exactly learned what to do when it comes to Serious Crappiness Relating to The Boyfriend. I am sort of trying to learn what to do as I go, and hoping that I don't upset him or piss him off in the process. I will be the first to admit that he and I are still learning how to communicate with each other in certain situations. [See post from earlier this week...]
I decided to just ask.
"Have you talked to your mom?" I squeaked, hesitatingly.
"Yeah."
And that's when he told me. His dad is getting radiation all week, and going home on Friday to recuperate. If the radiation doesn't work, the doctors are giving him 6 weeks to live. If it does work, they are giving him 8 months. Eight months. Best case scenario. Fuck. Actually, you know what, "fuck" doesn't even begin to express how much this sucks. For him. For CN. For their family. Stop and imagine how it would feel if you got this news. "Hey, by the way, that person you love very much? That person you have known your whole life? Yeah, they won't be here next summer. This is a good time to take that vacation you've always talked about."
Kinda puts stuff in perspective, huh?
The doctors want his parents to sign all the end-of-life paperwork. Which is not fun to fill out, because it asks questions like, "If you are unable to breathe on your own, do you want the doctors to resuscitate you or not?" and "Would you want to be on life support? Have feeding tubes? Be in a permanent vegetative state? Or do you want us to pull the plug?"
As you can probably tell, it's not looking good. And unless you've been through this type of shit with your own loved ones, you are not fully grasping it, let me tell you. I helped my mom fill out that form when my dad was really sick. He died a month to the day after we filled out that paperwork. When the doctor told CN's mom he wanted her to fill it out, I knew what it meant (oh shit, that's not good), but I could tell that CN and his mom did not fully grasp it. The look on their faces was more along the lines of, "That's just a precaution, right? Right?"
I was filled with flashbacks. If you are in the club, too, you are probably having flashbacks of your own loved one's illness right now, as you are reading this. What club am I talking about? The Grief Club. Not exactly a club I was hoping to be a part of. Anyway, until you have lost a close relative or loved one, you cannot understand what it's like. You think you do, but you don't, trust me. When I was in your shoes, I thought I could understand what grief was like, too.
Grief is like a brick wall of sadness. And you hit it, face first, at about 95mph. Again and again and again. All day long. Every 2 minutes. Until further notice. It could be a week. Or a month. Or a few months. Or the rest of your life. It's like being trapped on a scary rollercoaster, wanting to get off, but never being allowed. You can't talk. You can't think, unless you are thinking sad things. You can't look people in the eye. You want to be alone, but at the same time, you want to be surrounded by people. It feels weird to laugh, but you want someone to tell a funny story about that person so badly, even if you cry and laugh at the same time. You definitely do not feel like yourself.
And then one day, you are ok. You start to feel non-zombie again, and you start to do normal things again. Like eating. And sleeping. And not crying every second of every day. You can go to the grocery store, and actually make it home before you burst into tears. This is good!
Every day gets a little bit easier. You are thinking, "Ok, cool. I made it. It's all going to be ok." And then WHAM it hits you again out of nowhere. Like when you see something that reminds you of that person. Or when someone's dying in a movie. Or when you pick up the phone to call them, and realize that you can't. WHAM. You're back on that rollercoaster.
Right now, I have volunteered to get back on the rollercoaster. Because I can't watch CN's family go through all of this without thinking about my dad. And I can't just opt out of being there for him during all of this. Heck, at this stage in my life, I practically have a PhD in Grief. I'm exactly the person who should be with CN right now. He needs me. And as difficult as this is going to be for me, I have to be there for him. It's part of my Official Girlfriend Duties. *salutes*
As we pulled into the hospital last Sunday, I said aloud without thinking, "This is the first time I've been in a hospital since my dad died." WHAM. CN doesn't know this, and I hate to admit it, but part of the reason I didn't go with him on Saturday was because I knew this would happen. I knew all the grief feelings would well up inside me again. And it's a sickening feeling. A helpless feeling. A sad feeling. And I know it's selfish of me, but who wants to sign up for feeling like that? I knew that if I went with him, I'd have to go there. To that painful place, full of tears and emotions and memories. I hate going there.
As we walked up to the room where CN's dad is, all I could think was, "Please don't let there be tubes coming out of his face. Please, no tubes. I can't handle tubes." Thankfully, there where no tubes. And the hospital didn't have that "hospital" smell. Which was a big relief, too. I hate that smell. It smells like sterile cotton pads, mixed with body fluids, cafeteria food and stale air. Seriously, if you work in a hospital, and you are reading this, can y'all buy some damn febreeze or something? Cuz you are just used to it, trust me. It smells like ass where you work.
I did ok during most of the visit, but it definitely had its WHAM moments. The beeping machines. The bags of fluids. It was a lot to take in, without much mental preparation. I did ok on Sunday, but ever since then, it's been a long descent. Back on the rollercoaster. I have been carefully repairing myself these last three years, putting all the grief feelings behind me. It's like I have been building a brick wall, one brick at a time, very slowly. Not that I would ever fully brick it up and close it up. That's impossible. It's with you always. But I had built a wall high enough that it didn't hurt anymore. It was starting to be ok to talk about it. Even feel happy about the time I did have with my dad. I felt ok putting it away. Way back in the long term storage area of my brain. Like a cherished toy from childhood. Not that it's not important to you anymore, but somehow, in a way, you have moved on. Enough time had passed. Life goes on. He's still there, with me, inside my heart. Death is part of life. It has taken me 3 years to get here.
And now, all the wounds are split open again. I get to experience it all, from the beginning stages to the end. Only this time, I am on the outside, mostly. It's like having an out-of-body experience. I am experiencing the same feelings, but in a different way. I know what's going to happen. I know there will be urgent phone calls and moments of hope that will be dashed to pieces. I know there will be lots of crying and exhaustion. I could probably predict every moment right now. But this time, there is a new element. I get to see someone I love very much deal with a whole lot of pain, and there's nothing I can do or say to prepare him for it. I can't stop it. I can't do a whole lot to make him feel better. This time, in addition to feeling my own grief well up inside of me, I have to watch someone I love feel grief for the first time, which is almost as painful, because I can't fully feel what he's feeling. I can only feel a ghost of my own grief. It's like sympathy pains. Kinda.
I know what is coming down the pipe for him and his family. It's like going to the doctor, knowing you are going to have to have a shot. You know it's going to suck, and there's no way out of it. Only with grief, it's like, 1,000 times worse. And I can try to describe it and warn him about it all I want, but I will never be able to. It's something he will have to experience with his family. The most I can do is be by his side. We will ride the roller coaster together.
Monday, August 25, 2008
Monday, Monday
Well, it's certainly Monday. Let's see. Where should I begin? I think I will ease into it with something funny.
I have told you how my little sister, Smurf, is a horrible driver. Well, despite a year's worth of practice, involving a learner's permit, driver's ed and much practicing with family members, she is no better today than she was the first time she got behind the wheel. Somehow, this did not stop the Virginia Department of Motor Vehicles from issuing her a driver's license last month. Do not ask me how on earth she passed the driving test, but she did. So she got her license in mid-July. That was only a few weeks ago. She now has THREE tickets. She got them ALL on the same day: speeding, running a stop sign and driving on the wrong side of the road. "It was only for a second," she told me. "And there was no one else on the road." I told her that apparently, there was someone else on the road. She says she's learned her lesson, but I doubt that will be enough to convince the judge that he should not revoke her driver's license, which is probably what he will do. My poor mother and her insurance rates....yeesh.
This weekend, CN's dad had to go back to the hospital again. "Do you want to go with me to visit him?" CN asked me Saturday morning. I asked CN why he was in the hospital. CN was pretty vague. So I declined because...
1. The request was phrased in a way that made it seem optional.
2. It was my weekend off.
3. The hospital was an hour away.
4. I was having a dinner party that night for my girlfriends, and needed to prepare.
5. When my dad was sick, he was in the hospital a dozen times before things got serious.
By now, you have probably realized that "No" was the wrong answer. Unfortunately, I am not nearly as bright as my readers. Because I should have realized that CN isn't the kind of person who would say, "Look, I am really worried, and I really want you to come with me." Because if he had said that, then yes, I would have dropped everything and gone with him. But I am dense, and he downplays things, which leads to misunderstandings and people being upset. This is not the first time he has downplayed something important, and I was too stupid to figure it out.
By Sunday morning, he was pretty angry with me, and I could tell something was wrong. He told me I had really let him down and that he was really worried about his dad. I instantly felt like a candidate for Worst Girlfriend Ever, apologized and explained my reasoning to him. He agreed that he should have explained things better, and I canceled all my Sunday plans and went down with him to the hospital yesterday.
Not long after we got to the hospital, CN's mom took us to lunch, where she explained that CN's dad had been acting funny lately, which was part of the reason she had put him back in the hospital. She just had a hunch something wasn't right. So the doctor gave CN's dad a MRI (or was it a CT scan?) and we were waiting to hear the results. The doctor called when we got back from lunch. And the news was not good. CN's dad has prostate cancer that has metasticized all over his body. And the MRI showed that he now has lesions in his brain and they are bleeding. So he's being put back on radiation again today. It's not looking so hot. Because the doctors have actually had him on a break from the chemo/radiation treatments because his body can't really handle too much more. So I don't have a good feeling about all of this.
Obviously, I won't be skipping any more hospital visits, either. I am thinking I should maybe quit my Dildo's job, so I will have more free time to go with him to the hospital.
Then, at 2am last night, I was awakened by my roommate, E, again. She and her boyf broke up (again) and so instead of being at his house all the time, she's now at my house all the time. Which would be fine, except for the fact that she has insomnia, so she gets up all through the night, which wakes me up. She has woken me up just about every night for the last 2 weeks. It's getting old.
Anyway, at 2am last night, I awoke to the sound of her giggling. I got up to shut the door to my room, only to realize that there was a 2nd voice -- a man's voice -- giggling with her. In the shower.
"Great," I thought.
I was already upset about CN's dad and I had to get up early this morning for work. So I had a difficult time falling back asleep. I tossed and turned for at least an hour, furious at her inconsideration. When I got up this morning, I noticed that this random guy's car was still outside. This kind of annoyed me. I mean, if you want to hook up with random guys, fine. But do it on the weekend and make sure he's gone by the morning, you know?
I started to get ready for work, and as I'm getting ready, I hear my roommate quietly slip out and leave. That's unusual for her -- she usually asks me if her outfit looks okay every morning. And I didn't hear a man's footsteps following her. Hmmm.
I finished getting ready, trying to give everyone the benefit of the doubt. But when I went to leave, I saw that the random guy's car was still parked outside, and my roommate was gone!
I. Was. Furious.
I threw open the door to her room and woke up Mr. Random.
"You have to leave. Now." I said, fuming.
"Ok," he replied, groggily.
I just stood there, waiting, with my hand on my hip, as he shuffled around, trying to get dressed.
"Let's go! I'm late for work! I'm leaving and you can't be here!" I yelled.
"It's not what it looks like. E and I have known each other for years," he said, trying to explain.
"Yesss," I hissed. "But I don't know who the fuck you are, and this is MY house, so you have to get the fuck out of my house. NOW."
Apparently, I communicated my rage very clearly, because he left the house in nothing but his boxer shorts! He carried the rest of his stuff and didn't even put his shoes on fully! LOL
"Did you see his wiener?" CN asked me later.
"No. And he's lucky, because I would have ripped it off!!!" I replied.
E and I are going to have a loooooong chat this afternoon, when I get home from work.
Wow. I was a total bitch this weekend, huh?
I have told you how my little sister, Smurf, is a horrible driver. Well, despite a year's worth of practice, involving a learner's permit, driver's ed and much practicing with family members, she is no better today than she was the first time she got behind the wheel. Somehow, this did not stop the Virginia Department of Motor Vehicles from issuing her a driver's license last month. Do not ask me how on earth she passed the driving test, but she did. So she got her license in mid-July. That was only a few weeks ago. She now has THREE tickets. She got them ALL on the same day: speeding, running a stop sign and driving on the wrong side of the road. "It was only for a second," she told me. "And there was no one else on the road." I told her that apparently, there was someone else on the road. She says she's learned her lesson, but I doubt that will be enough to convince the judge that he should not revoke her driver's license, which is probably what he will do. My poor mother and her insurance rates....yeesh.
This weekend, CN's dad had to go back to the hospital again. "Do you want to go with me to visit him?" CN asked me Saturday morning. I asked CN why he was in the hospital. CN was pretty vague. So I declined because...
1. The request was phrased in a way that made it seem optional.
2. It was my weekend off.
3. The hospital was an hour away.
4. I was having a dinner party that night for my girlfriends, and needed to prepare.
5. When my dad was sick, he was in the hospital a dozen times before things got serious.
By now, you have probably realized that "No" was the wrong answer. Unfortunately, I am not nearly as bright as my readers. Because I should have realized that CN isn't the kind of person who would say, "Look, I am really worried, and I really want you to come with me." Because if he had said that, then yes, I would have dropped everything and gone with him. But I am dense, and he downplays things, which leads to misunderstandings and people being upset. This is not the first time he has downplayed something important, and I was too stupid to figure it out.
By Sunday morning, he was pretty angry with me, and I could tell something was wrong. He told me I had really let him down and that he was really worried about his dad. I instantly felt like a candidate for Worst Girlfriend Ever, apologized and explained my reasoning to him. He agreed that he should have explained things better, and I canceled all my Sunday plans and went down with him to the hospital yesterday.
Not long after we got to the hospital, CN's mom took us to lunch, where she explained that CN's dad had been acting funny lately, which was part of the reason she had put him back in the hospital. She just had a hunch something wasn't right. So the doctor gave CN's dad a MRI (or was it a CT scan?) and we were waiting to hear the results. The doctor called when we got back from lunch. And the news was not good. CN's dad has prostate cancer that has metasticized all over his body. And the MRI showed that he now has lesions in his brain and they are bleeding. So he's being put back on radiation again today. It's not looking so hot. Because the doctors have actually had him on a break from the chemo/radiation treatments because his body can't really handle too much more. So I don't have a good feeling about all of this.
Obviously, I won't be skipping any more hospital visits, either. I am thinking I should maybe quit my Dildo's job, so I will have more free time to go with him to the hospital.
Then, at 2am last night, I was awakened by my roommate, E, again. She and her boyf broke up (again) and so instead of being at his house all the time, she's now at my house all the time. Which would be fine, except for the fact that she has insomnia, so she gets up all through the night, which wakes me up. She has woken me up just about every night for the last 2 weeks. It's getting old.
Anyway, at 2am last night, I awoke to the sound of her giggling. I got up to shut the door to my room, only to realize that there was a 2nd voice -- a man's voice -- giggling with her. In the shower.
"Great," I thought.
I was already upset about CN's dad and I had to get up early this morning for work. So I had a difficult time falling back asleep. I tossed and turned for at least an hour, furious at her inconsideration. When I got up this morning, I noticed that this random guy's car was still outside. This kind of annoyed me. I mean, if you want to hook up with random guys, fine. But do it on the weekend and make sure he's gone by the morning, you know?
I started to get ready for work, and as I'm getting ready, I hear my roommate quietly slip out and leave. That's unusual for her -- she usually asks me if her outfit looks okay every morning. And I didn't hear a man's footsteps following her. Hmmm.
I finished getting ready, trying to give everyone the benefit of the doubt. But when I went to leave, I saw that the random guy's car was still parked outside, and my roommate was gone!
I. Was. Furious.
I threw open the door to her room and woke up Mr. Random.
"You have to leave. Now." I said, fuming.
"Ok," he replied, groggily.
I just stood there, waiting, with my hand on my hip, as he shuffled around, trying to get dressed.
"Let's go! I'm late for work! I'm leaving and you can't be here!" I yelled.
"It's not what it looks like. E and I have known each other for years," he said, trying to explain.
"Yesss," I hissed. "But I don't know who the fuck you are, and this is MY house, so you have to get the fuck out of my house. NOW."
Apparently, I communicated my rage very clearly, because he left the house in nothing but his boxer shorts! He carried the rest of his stuff and didn't even put his shoes on fully! LOL
"Did you see his wiener?" CN asked me later.
"No. And he's lucky, because I would have ripped it off!!!" I replied.
E and I are going to have a loooooong chat this afternoon, when I get home from work.
Wow. I was a total bitch this weekend, huh?
Thursday, August 14, 2008
Annivesary Present??
Thanks, everyone, for all the supportive comments (and emails) on my last post. It is really comforting to get some reassurance on that! Every once in a while, my normally great mother turns into a total wack job. Ugh. Mothers.
Anyway, let's move on. I have a dilemma and I need your help. I have two weeks to figure out what to do to celebrate a one year anniversary with CN. Yes, it's been that long. It feels like it's only been 6 months.
The problem is, I am having a rare moment of indecisiveness. At first, we talked about taking a trip somewhere for the weekend (Labor Day weekend is basically our anniversary). We talked about maybe Charleston or Asheville, but it seemed so expensive, so I told CN that we shouldn't do all that.
"Oh, sweetie, that's too expensive. Let's just stay here in town and go out to a nice dinner," I said.
"Ok, how about The Melting Pot? You've always said how much you love it, and I've never been," he said.
"Yes, I do love that restaurant. But it's so expensive. Like, you will drop $100," I replied.
"So?" he said.
Anyway, our plans are kind of up in the air, because I can't decide what I want to do, and CN is basically down for whatever. I really would love to take a weekend trip, but it's expensive and the traffic will be horrendous (it will be on Labor Day weekend). But it would be nice to share an experience like that together. We've been talking about taking a weekend trip somewhere for MONTHS. I guess we could split the cost 50/50 and that would make it simple. And then we wouldn't have to worry about presents for each other.
Staying here just seems kind of...ho hum. And once we are done eating at Melting Pot, that's it. It's over. No photos. No memories. No keepsakes. Just a bloated and sleepy feeling from eating too much (seriously, y'all, I stuff myself SILLY at that place). So I'm not totally loving this idea.
Then there's the problem of what kind of a gift to get. If we do go the Melting Pot route, I need to get him something. Do I get something sentimental, like a photo memory book? Or should I just get a regular gift? I could get tickets to an event for us. Or a conglomerate of small gifts that I know he would like...
ARGH.
You see, about a week ago, I had it all planned out: We were going to do Melting Pot and I was going to give him tickets to a USC football game. This would have been the perfect present because the first time CN and I hung out, we tailgated at a USC game. So it was a gift that is sentimental, something we could do together and it would be a memory-making experience. Bingo!
My friend's dad was the guy with the tickets for sale. He was selling them at face value, which is unheard of. But by the time my friend asked him about the tickets, he had already promised them to someone else. DANG!
So now I'm back to the drawing board. USC tickets are like $100 a piece, if you can find them at all, and that's for the bad seats! So it's a little out of the budget for me.
Do you think I should get/do something that is a joint activity? Something romantic? (Yes, he's the kind of guy who might actually like that sort of thing. I mean, not like flowers. But he's a really sentimental person.) Or should I just get a regular gift and leave it at that?
I have been pouring over RedEnvelope.com, FindGift.com and the Atlanta Falcons website (he's a major fan) all morning. And I've got nada.
Does anyone have any ideas? Have you ever received/given a kick-ass anniversary present? Keep in mind that CN is not into any of the following activities:
golf
playing sports
wine
hard liquor
cigars
adrenaline-junkie activities like cliff diving
dressing up (so cuff links are out)
This eliminates like, 80% of the gifts out there. He's basically into beer, Hooters, the Falcons, the Braves, the Gamecocks, his Jeep, music and his Playstation 2. Guys are so hard to shop for!!!! I asked him what he wanted, and do you know what he said? He said he wanted a hooker. I told him no.
I have already gotten him tix to a Falcons game in the past, so that's out. So is an iPod shuffle. And I can't afford one of these, or one of these, even though I know he'd love to get one. Besides, they aren't very romantic, and I'd rather spend that kind of money at Christmas, anyway.
Anyone have any ideas???? At this point, I'm considering going back to the original weekend trip plan, and we split the costs. Hmmmm....... HELP!
Anyway, let's move on. I have a dilemma and I need your help. I have two weeks to figure out what to do to celebrate a one year anniversary with CN. Yes, it's been that long. It feels like it's only been 6 months.
The problem is, I am having a rare moment of indecisiveness. At first, we talked about taking a trip somewhere for the weekend (Labor Day weekend is basically our anniversary). We talked about maybe Charleston or Asheville, but it seemed so expensive, so I told CN that we shouldn't do all that.
"Oh, sweetie, that's too expensive. Let's just stay here in town and go out to a nice dinner," I said.
"Ok, how about The Melting Pot? You've always said how much you love it, and I've never been," he said.
"Yes, I do love that restaurant. But it's so expensive. Like, you will drop $100," I replied.
"So?" he said.
Anyway, our plans are kind of up in the air, because I can't decide what I want to do, and CN is basically down for whatever. I really would love to take a weekend trip, but it's expensive and the traffic will be horrendous (it will be on Labor Day weekend). But it would be nice to share an experience like that together. We've been talking about taking a weekend trip somewhere for MONTHS. I guess we could split the cost 50/50 and that would make it simple. And then we wouldn't have to worry about presents for each other.
Staying here just seems kind of...ho hum. And once we are done eating at Melting Pot, that's it. It's over. No photos. No memories. No keepsakes. Just a bloated and sleepy feeling from eating too much (seriously, y'all, I stuff myself SILLY at that place). So I'm not totally loving this idea.
Then there's the problem of what kind of a gift to get. If we do go the Melting Pot route, I need to get him something. Do I get something sentimental, like a photo memory book? Or should I just get a regular gift? I could get tickets to an event for us. Or a conglomerate of small gifts that I know he would like...
ARGH.
You see, about a week ago, I had it all planned out: We were going to do Melting Pot and I was going to give him tickets to a USC football game. This would have been the perfect present because the first time CN and I hung out, we tailgated at a USC game. So it was a gift that is sentimental, something we could do together and it would be a memory-making experience. Bingo!
My friend's dad was the guy with the tickets for sale. He was selling them at face value, which is unheard of. But by the time my friend asked him about the tickets, he had already promised them to someone else. DANG!
So now I'm back to the drawing board. USC tickets are like $100 a piece, if you can find them at all, and that's for the bad seats! So it's a little out of the budget for me.
Do you think I should get/do something that is a joint activity? Something romantic? (Yes, he's the kind of guy who might actually like that sort of thing. I mean, not like flowers. But he's a really sentimental person.) Or should I just get a regular gift and leave it at that?
I have been pouring over RedEnvelope.com, FindGift.com and the Atlanta Falcons website (he's a major fan) all morning. And I've got nada.
Does anyone have any ideas? Have you ever received/given a kick-ass anniversary present? Keep in mind that CN is not into any of the following activities:
golf
playing sports
wine
hard liquor
cigars
adrenaline-junkie activities like cliff diving
dressing up (so cuff links are out)
This eliminates like, 80% of the gifts out there. He's basically into beer, Hooters, the Falcons, the Braves, the Gamecocks, his Jeep, music and his Playstation 2. Guys are so hard to shop for!!!! I asked him what he wanted, and do you know what he said? He said he wanted a hooker. I told him no.
I have already gotten him tix to a Falcons game in the past, so that's out. So is an iPod shuffle. And I can't afford one of these, or one of these, even though I know he'd love to get one. Besides, they aren't very romantic, and I'd rather spend that kind of money at Christmas, anyway.
Anyone have any ideas???? At this point, I'm considering going back to the original weekend trip plan, and we split the costs. Hmmmm....... HELP!
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