I've missed blogging and have been thinking about starting a new blog. I even started setting it up in Blogger. I haven't decided if I want to completely abandon this one, though. I have lots of great memories here and lots of great readers (who are probably long gone by now).
For those of you who have been wondering what I've been up to since my last post in 2013, the answer is a LOT. The short version:
The guy I was dating in 2013 DID put a ring on it (actually, it is my grandmother's ring) and we got married in April 2014. (I should give you the run-down of my wedding experience, no?)
My father-in-law died very suddenly and unexpectedly in August 2014.
We moved in with my mother-in-law to keep her company and to save up money for a bigger house.
A month later, we found out we were pregnant. [insert excited noises here] Baby is not only healthy, but has been the joy of my life so far -- seriously, we made a wonderful child. Good sleeper, good eater, happy and laid-back kid. Oh, and I loved being pregnant. I felt great for the most part. Could have done without the kankles and pre-eclampsia. Oh, and the failed induction was not pleasant...at ALL. But overall, I've been extremely lucky in the mothering department. Please don't hate me. I know a lot of women struggle. I just got lucky. (Man, I should post about my labor & delivery experience.......that was quite a saga.)
After two years of living with my MIL (who is the most awesome MIL ever, btw), we bought our house this past July.
So now I have a husband, a toddler and a house that has so far proved to be a money pit (more on that later). Unfortunately, I also now have cats, thanks to my husband. But it's ok. He's worth it.
I think I'm coming back, y'all. I have all kinds of ideas for posts floating around in my head. Being a full time working mom gives you lots of kindling for venting and sharing. I've been toying with the idea of giving The Hot Girl Lifestyle its own blog, since I'm always on a quest for self-improvement, but am just not sure I want to abandon this blog. I'll continue to post here until I decide. In any case, let's get this party started!
Also, Happy Thanksgiving, Y'all!!!!
Showing posts with label wedding stuff. Show all posts
Showing posts with label wedding stuff. Show all posts
Thursday, November 24, 2016
Monday, September 21, 2009
Probably the Biggest Post Ever
So after trying on a bazillion dresses at about 4 stores, I found The Dress.....
If you want to see a pic of the back, go to David's Bridal and search for style # CT 2406. It's exactly what I wanted -- lace, but still simple, under $1,000 and not too fluffy or Bridezilla-y. But before you get all excited, I have some other news, too.
While CN and I were in Virginia visiting The Czarina, we spoke with the pastor of my family's church in my hometown. He wanted to talk to us about getting some pre-wedding counseling and he wanted to ask us a bunch of questions.
He started with some basic ones which I think we handled ok. Then the questions started to get more involved. How are we working on the budget? Who will do all the housework? Who will be the primary caretaker of the children? How many kids do you want to have? Where will you live? Who brings home the bacon? etc.
We sort of muddled through, because to be honest, we had never really discussed any of these things too deeply. We had some ideas, but nothing definite. Then he gave us a questionnaire to fill out -- one for me and one for CN. We were supposed to fill them out separately, and then compare answers. We did it when we got back home to Savannah, but I already knew what would happen.
Our answers were pretty different. Our answers were different on BIG questions that are important. Like how do you picture your life in ten years? My answer: fun, exciting chaos -- lots of kids running around, possibly a new career, we might be living anywhere in the world, constant changes. His answer: living in Savannah. Same jobs. Maybe a kid. And a house.
Another question pointed out to me that we do not resolve issues properly (we basically drop them rather than get to the bottom of it) and that I have a small issue with his relationship with his mother (she is really needy and not independent AT ALL, which makes him feel like he can never move too far away, no matter what). I asked CN what would happen if I found a great job that would mean a better life for us and our kids.....but it's in Oregon. He said I would be moving there alone if that happened, because he can't move that far from his mom.
Wow. That's an eye opener.
He believes staying near your family is much more important than I do. He cannot fathom living somewhere that is not within a couple hours from his mom. This is a foreign concept to me. That's why planes, trains and automobiles were invented.
"What if your mom and I had a disagreement? Would you take my side or hers?" I asked.
"Well, that depends on who is right," he replied.
"Wrong answer," I said. "If I am the mother of your children, I have to come first. Period. When you marry me, I have to become your priorty, second only to God. Just like you would become my priority. That's what marriage is about. If your marriage is not first, that's a problem for me."
He could not see that.
After going through some more talking and discussing what we wanted from life and how we viewed marriage, our differences became really obvious to me. But I had seen this coming.
For a while.
For several months, actually.
A few months ago, I began to have some doubts about marrying CN. I even had a huge freak out and went to go visit MJ for a weekend to talk to her about it. I was so confused! I knew what I was feeling, but I couldn't verbalize it. She did a great job at listening to me, but not voicing her opinion. Exactly what I needed! I felt a little better. I kept telling myself, "It's not that big of a deal. You love each other. You will figure it out." or "Too late. You're marrying CN, so you made your bed. Now sleep in it."
These are NOT good thoughts, am I right?
I had a nagging voice in the back of my head. It was doubt. And if there is one thing I believe, it's that you should NEVER get married if you have any doubts. I began to realize that CN is lacking in some things I cannot live with. I love him to death, but I know it takes more than love to make a marriage work. He is perfectly happy with the same job, same house, same day in and out-- for the most part. He is not ambitious or very energetic or motivated to improve his life. He is not intellectually curious. Now, I am not knocking these things. I am sure there are plenty of wonderful people who are perfectly happy like this. But I am not one of them. That is not good. CN and I need to be on the same page with things, and we are not. When I think about a future w/CN, all I see is that everything will be my job:
where we live (It was my idea to move to Savannah, remember?)
how many kids to have
which job to take (I make more money than him, and he will probably never change jobs, so we will probably move according to my career, not his, which is an easily-transferred job anyway)
the housework (I do not mind being in charge of it, especially after seeing him do laundry!)
raising the kids (not that he would be a bad father -- he would be great. But I can tell I would be the one helping them with homework, putting them to bed, etc.)
Are you tired yet? Because I am exhausted when I think about this. CN is a passive participant in his own life. He has very few friends, and only talks to them when they call him. He has very few hobbies. I began to realize -- he's kind of boring. But how could that be?? I was so happy dating him! And then I realized: he is always willing to do what I want to do. He doesn't have any life or opinions outside of me. It's like dating myself! I like being busy, trying new things, working hard, taking risks. But I can't do it all. And since CN is so passive, I will be doing everything. All by myself. And during this process, CN will grow resentful of me for running the show all the time. When he does, and says something, I will have to back down and do what he wants for a change, which will make me resentful. We will fall into a vicious cycle of resentment. It will eat away at what we have. And what I need in a spouse, I will eventually want to get elsewhere. Not good. At all.
But I was not the only one who saw it. Before I left my mom's house, The Czarina pulled me aside after everyone went to bed. I had talked to her about this stuff a little before, in the weeks preceding this visit. But I had been so excited and wrapped up in getting married, I had sort of put it to the back of my mind.
She said to me, "I'm only going to say one thing. And if I'm wrong, then tell me to shut up and we will never have to talk about this again. He is a sweet guy, and I know you love him very much, and I can tell he loves you very much. But if you are making all the decisions, how is this any different than being single?"
As soon as she said this, I burst into tears and knew what I had to do. I think I was just waiting for someone to sort of give me permission to remember that there were no rings on any fingers yet. I didn't have to do it.
I broke it off last week.
If you want to see a pic of the back, go to David's Bridal and search for style # CT 2406. It's exactly what I wanted -- lace, but still simple, under $1,000 and not too fluffy or Bridezilla-y. But before you get all excited, I have some other news, too.
While CN and I were in Virginia visiting The Czarina, we spoke with the pastor of my family's church in my hometown. He wanted to talk to us about getting some pre-wedding counseling and he wanted to ask us a bunch of questions.
He started with some basic ones which I think we handled ok. Then the questions started to get more involved. How are we working on the budget? Who will do all the housework? Who will be the primary caretaker of the children? How many kids do you want to have? Where will you live? Who brings home the bacon? etc.
We sort of muddled through, because to be honest, we had never really discussed any of these things too deeply. We had some ideas, but nothing definite. Then he gave us a questionnaire to fill out -- one for me and one for CN. We were supposed to fill them out separately, and then compare answers. We did it when we got back home to Savannah, but I already knew what would happen.
Our answers were pretty different. Our answers were different on BIG questions that are important. Like how do you picture your life in ten years? My answer: fun, exciting chaos -- lots of kids running around, possibly a new career, we might be living anywhere in the world, constant changes. His answer: living in Savannah. Same jobs. Maybe a kid. And a house.
Another question pointed out to me that we do not resolve issues properly (we basically drop them rather than get to the bottom of it) and that I have a small issue with his relationship with his mother (she is really needy and not independent AT ALL, which makes him feel like he can never move too far away, no matter what). I asked CN what would happen if I found a great job that would mean a better life for us and our kids.....but it's in Oregon. He said I would be moving there alone if that happened, because he can't move that far from his mom.
Wow. That's an eye opener.
He believes staying near your family is much more important than I do. He cannot fathom living somewhere that is not within a couple hours from his mom. This is a foreign concept to me. That's why planes, trains and automobiles were invented.
"What if your mom and I had a disagreement? Would you take my side or hers?" I asked.
"Well, that depends on who is right," he replied.
"Wrong answer," I said. "If I am the mother of your children, I have to come first. Period. When you marry me, I have to become your priorty, second only to God. Just like you would become my priority. That's what marriage is about. If your marriage is not first, that's a problem for me."
He could not see that.
After going through some more talking and discussing what we wanted from life and how we viewed marriage, our differences became really obvious to me. But I had seen this coming.
For a while.
For several months, actually.
A few months ago, I began to have some doubts about marrying CN. I even had a huge freak out and went to go visit MJ for a weekend to talk to her about it. I was so confused! I knew what I was feeling, but I couldn't verbalize it. She did a great job at listening to me, but not voicing her opinion. Exactly what I needed! I felt a little better. I kept telling myself, "It's not that big of a deal. You love each other. You will figure it out." or "Too late. You're marrying CN, so you made your bed. Now sleep in it."
These are NOT good thoughts, am I right?
I had a nagging voice in the back of my head. It was doubt. And if there is one thing I believe, it's that you should NEVER get married if you have any doubts. I began to realize that CN is lacking in some things I cannot live with. I love him to death, but I know it takes more than love to make a marriage work. He is perfectly happy with the same job, same house, same day in and out-- for the most part. He is not ambitious or very energetic or motivated to improve his life. He is not intellectually curious. Now, I am not knocking these things. I am sure there are plenty of wonderful people who are perfectly happy like this. But I am not one of them. That is not good. CN and I need to be on the same page with things, and we are not. When I think about a future w/CN, all I see is that everything will be my job:
where we live (It was my idea to move to Savannah, remember?)
how many kids to have
which job to take (I make more money than him, and he will probably never change jobs, so we will probably move according to my career, not his, which is an easily-transferred job anyway)
the housework (I do not mind being in charge of it, especially after seeing him do laundry!)
raising the kids (not that he would be a bad father -- he would be great. But I can tell I would be the one helping them with homework, putting them to bed, etc.)
Are you tired yet? Because I am exhausted when I think about this. CN is a passive participant in his own life. He has very few friends, and only talks to them when they call him. He has very few hobbies. I began to realize -- he's kind of boring. But how could that be?? I was so happy dating him! And then I realized: he is always willing to do what I want to do. He doesn't have any life or opinions outside of me. It's like dating myself! I like being busy, trying new things, working hard, taking risks. But I can't do it all. And since CN is so passive, I will be doing everything. All by myself. And during this process, CN will grow resentful of me for running the show all the time. When he does, and says something, I will have to back down and do what he wants for a change, which will make me resentful. We will fall into a vicious cycle of resentment. It will eat away at what we have. And what I need in a spouse, I will eventually want to get elsewhere. Not good. At all.
But I was not the only one who saw it. Before I left my mom's house, The Czarina pulled me aside after everyone went to bed. I had talked to her about this stuff a little before, in the weeks preceding this visit. But I had been so excited and wrapped up in getting married, I had sort of put it to the back of my mind.
She said to me, "I'm only going to say one thing. And if I'm wrong, then tell me to shut up and we will never have to talk about this again. He is a sweet guy, and I know you love him very much, and I can tell he loves you very much. But if you are making all the decisions, how is this any different than being single?"
As soon as she said this, I burst into tears and knew what I had to do. I think I was just waiting for someone to sort of give me permission to remember that there were no rings on any fingers yet. I didn't have to do it.
I broke it off last week.
Saturday, August 22, 2009
Hi!! I'm Back!
Hello, faithful and patient readers! I know I have been m.i.a., but I promise I have rewards for you. CN and I are now in a much bigger, safer and newer house in Savannah. I now have little luxuries like electrical outlets, a dishwasher and elbow room.
You see, before we moved, the computers were in a very cramped corner and it made blogging not fun. Also, I felt I needed a little bit of a break. But now I am back! And I have lots to report! Time for a bulleted list of updates:
Also, sometime during the move, the hose which drains the dirty water from the washing machine acquired a hole. We did not realize this until after we moved it upstairs to its designated spot, then did a load of laundry, only to come across a huge puddle of water on the floor below. Oops. So much for our damage deposit. Luckily, the spots on the ceiling aren't too bad, so we might be ok.
The key to our mailbox is broken, and we have to wait on the post office to replace it, because our mailbox is owned by the post office. Until then, we can't get our mail from there. We didn't realize we could simply put our mail on hold at the post office and just pick it up. We finally realized we could do this (I guess we are ignorant of post office options!) and started holding it on Monday. So there are 2 weeks-worth of mail which are m.i.a. This concerns me. I even happened upon our mailman today and got him to open our mailbox for me, only to find 2 measly pieces of junk mail in there. WTF?? Where is all our mail??
We just got internet and cable tv about 3 days ago, after multiple appointment cancellations and technical difficulties on the part of the cable/internet people. CN was going crazy, because he can't do his work without a landline internet connection. He actually had to drive up to his mom's house for a couple days just to use her internet so he could get some work done. He was about to kill AT&T and DirecTV.
Something is wonky about the way our street receives power from the power company. Every time there is a big thunderstorm, we lose power. Since we moved in August 1st, we have lost power 4 times -- about once a week. Our neighbors tell us to get used to it because it's always been like this, and there is nothing we can do. It's annoying, but since it usually rains in the late afternoon, it means I can't cook dinner. "Shoot! I guess we have to go out to eat again, honey!" Tee hee. Usually the power will be out for about 4 hours when this happens. Yeah, we are not loving this so much. But I am getting to use my candles!
Have I shared pics of our new place? I can't remember. Someone let me know. We ended up moving into the new townhomes near the Bonaventure Cemetery, which is the cemetery featured prominently in Midnight in the Garden of Good and Evil. I can basically see the entrance to it from my front porch. I take walks in there sometimes. CN thinks our house is built on part of it, because of all the bad luck things that have gone wrong during our move!
Wedding update for those of you who are interested:
No ring/official proposal yet. But the date is more or less set: July 10th. CN and I are going to visit The Czarina over Labor Day. We are bringing his mom with us -- the moms are meeting, which is kind of cool. While we are up there, CN is supposed to get the ring from The Czarina. I am not going to ask him if he does get it because I do want it to be as much of a surprise as possible, but if he doesn't, I will chop his head off. :)
I have been doing the typical thing of ripping pages of ideas out of bridal magazines. It's pretty fun to plan it all out. Today, I even went wedding dress shopping for a little bit. It was very surreal and emotional -- I was caught off guard, actually. I thought it would just be like trying on regular clothes. But they keep kleenex there for a reason! I didn't like doing it without my mom. It made me sad, a little. So I am not going to do any more serious shopping until Labor Day weekend, when she and I are doing a major blitz -- venues and dresses for the whole weekend. Anyway, it was so funny, because I walked into the store and told the women my requirements:
no strapless dresses!
white, not ivory!
no beading, but lace is good
no bustle-ly looking things, because I think it looks like static cling.
keep it kind of simple
They looked at each other and laughed at me, and I didn't know why.
A few minutes later, I found out why. I fell in love with this:
No, I don't think it's "the" dress, but I do like it, and the price is good. It's a contender, for sure. I will know more after I check out more stores and dresses. If you want to see more pics of the dress, go to the Casablanca bridal website and do a search for style #1904.
Yes, this is the first time I am putting my face on my blog. AND it's a wedding dress pic. See, I told you it was worth the wait! This is a terrible photo of me, actually. I didn't think my face was in it, so I was talking.
Ok, CN and I are going to go grab some dinner. I expect a lot of comments, people!!!
You see, before we moved, the computers were in a very cramped corner and it made blogging not fun. Also, I felt I needed a little bit of a break. But now I am back! And I have lots to report! Time for a bulleted list of updates:
- My job is still great, despite the fact that I work for Big Brother (see previous post).
- I was in KT's wedding, and it was very fun. She was very beautiful.
- I am now officially a boss. I have 2 staff members. This is very weird and I am not used to it yet.
- I still have not stopped moving since I moved to Savannah. I always have something to do and things to attend. I would like to get off the rollercoaster, but now I have a wedding to plan!
- My stupid ex-boyf tried to friend me on facebook. Yes, that ex. The huge asshole one. I am ignoring it.
- Savannah is kind of weird and a little smaller than I am used to, but it is a very interesting town with lots to do: tours, the beach, museums, restaurants, art galleries/shows, etc. It is really fun to explore it. CN and I actually snuck into the end of a tour of a haunted house, actually. It was surprisingly easy. It was kinda funny, because we could tell the other people were looking at us like, "Hey, who are those people?" LOL But CN and I felt too guilty to do it again. Typical. *rolls eyes*
- Our new house has dramatically reduced our stress levels. It is so nice to have closets and peace and quiet! Very very safe neighborhood, full of other young couples.
Also, sometime during the move, the hose which drains the dirty water from the washing machine acquired a hole. We did not realize this until after we moved it upstairs to its designated spot, then did a load of laundry, only to come across a huge puddle of water on the floor below. Oops. So much for our damage deposit. Luckily, the spots on the ceiling aren't too bad, so we might be ok.
The key to our mailbox is broken, and we have to wait on the post office to replace it, because our mailbox is owned by the post office. Until then, we can't get our mail from there. We didn't realize we could simply put our mail on hold at the post office and just pick it up. We finally realized we could do this (I guess we are ignorant of post office options!) and started holding it on Monday. So there are 2 weeks-worth of mail which are m.i.a. This concerns me. I even happened upon our mailman today and got him to open our mailbox for me, only to find 2 measly pieces of junk mail in there. WTF?? Where is all our mail??
We just got internet and cable tv about 3 days ago, after multiple appointment cancellations and technical difficulties on the part of the cable/internet people. CN was going crazy, because he can't do his work without a landline internet connection. He actually had to drive up to his mom's house for a couple days just to use her internet so he could get some work done. He was about to kill AT&T and DirecTV.
Something is wonky about the way our street receives power from the power company. Every time there is a big thunderstorm, we lose power. Since we moved in August 1st, we have lost power 4 times -- about once a week. Our neighbors tell us to get used to it because it's always been like this, and there is nothing we can do. It's annoying, but since it usually rains in the late afternoon, it means I can't cook dinner. "Shoot! I guess we have to go out to eat again, honey!" Tee hee. Usually the power will be out for about 4 hours when this happens. Yeah, we are not loving this so much. But I am getting to use my candles!
Have I shared pics of our new place? I can't remember. Someone let me know. We ended up moving into the new townhomes near the Bonaventure Cemetery, which is the cemetery featured prominently in Midnight in the Garden of Good and Evil. I can basically see the entrance to it from my front porch. I take walks in there sometimes. CN thinks our house is built on part of it, because of all the bad luck things that have gone wrong during our move!
Wedding update for those of you who are interested:
No ring/official proposal yet. But the date is more or less set: July 10th. CN and I are going to visit The Czarina over Labor Day. We are bringing his mom with us -- the moms are meeting, which is kind of cool. While we are up there, CN is supposed to get the ring from The Czarina. I am not going to ask him if he does get it because I do want it to be as much of a surprise as possible, but if he doesn't, I will chop his head off. :)
I have been doing the typical thing of ripping pages of ideas out of bridal magazines. It's pretty fun to plan it all out. Today, I even went wedding dress shopping for a little bit. It was very surreal and emotional -- I was caught off guard, actually. I thought it would just be like trying on regular clothes. But they keep kleenex there for a reason! I didn't like doing it without my mom. It made me sad, a little. So I am not going to do any more serious shopping until Labor Day weekend, when she and I are doing a major blitz -- venues and dresses for the whole weekend. Anyway, it was so funny, because I walked into the store and told the women my requirements:
no strapless dresses!
white, not ivory!
no beading, but lace is good
no bustle-ly looking things, because I think it looks like static cling.
keep it kind of simple
They looked at each other and laughed at me, and I didn't know why.
A few minutes later, I found out why. I fell in love with this:
No, I don't think it's "the" dress, but I do like it, and the price is good. It's a contender, for sure. I will know more after I check out more stores and dresses. If you want to see more pics of the dress, go to the Casablanca bridal website and do a search for style #1904.
Yes, this is the first time I am putting my face on my blog. AND it's a wedding dress pic. See, I told you it was worth the wait! This is a terrible photo of me, actually. I didn't think my face was in it, so I was talking.
Ok, CN and I are going to go grab some dinner. I expect a lot of comments, people!!!
Saturday, June 27, 2009
Wedding Plan Update
The Czarina left a message on my phone yesterday. "Are you dead?" she asked. "I haven't talked to you in weeks."
No, I'm not dead, but by the sound of that message, I bet I will wish I was when I call you back! I thought. This kind of voice mail means only one thing with my mom: she wants to talk about something. A lot. Please don't let it be my weight and lack of diet and exercise, I thought.
I called her back on my lunch break and told her that yes, I am still alive, how we are moving on August first, how I am not coming up for her annual party this year, and how I still love my new job. Other than that, I'm just busy with mundane things. I did not tell her that most of those mundane things include eating and watching tv, which is why I still haven't lost any weight. Which is the real reason why I am not coming up to see her this weekend. I told her I don't have much vacation time saved up (which is true), but I could have come up if I wanted to.
"That's ok, honey, you need to save your time up to make a trip up here maybe in August so we can go dress shopping, anyway," she said.
"Yeah, I am already dieting in preparation," I replied. LIE LIE LIE
Then she launched into wedding plan mode. We discussed changing the date -- again. Now it is looking like mid-July of next summer, rather than my dad's birthday like I wanted. My aunt won't be able to attend if I get married on my dad's birthday, because she has to work that weekend, and I want her to go. So I guess that is out, because she HAS to attend or I will cry. I told The Czarina how important it is to me that I get a photographer who will take lots of action shots, instead of just lame-o glamour-shot poses. I want an artistic photographer, ya know?
We discussed the bridal party. "Actually, Mom," I explained, "I was thinking of not having a bridal party."
*huge pause from The Czarina*
"But you have two sisters," she said flatly. Her brain was saying in a robotic voice: Does not compute. Does not compute.
"Yeah, but....I was thinking....and CN doesn't....." I tried to explain. I could hear her irritation over the phone.
"Ok," I surrendered.
Somehow, now I have 4 bridesmaids. When I didn't want any. It's no offense to my sisters, I swear! Well, ok it is a little bit. My older sister might think I would be rubbing it in her face that I'm getting married and she's not. (Yes, she's like that.) So I just don't really want to even go there with her. No bridal party = No pissed off older sister. And although I love my MJ to death, I know she doesn't like being a bridesmaid any more than I do. She's totally not the type of person who would be upset about not being one! She would be relieved!
Add to that the CN is such a loner, and he doesn't have any brothers. So who the hell is he going to have as his groomsmen? My brothers? So the entire wedding party consists of my people, and none of his? That is so lame. I don't want to do that to him.
Actually, one of my big worries is that the wedding will be all about me and my mom, and not about CN or his family. Most of his family lives in Alabama, and asking them to go to a wedding in Virginia is a lot. CN doesn't have a lot of friends, and they are all in South Carolina....so I am picturing a church that is totally lopsided -- everyone on my side of the church. Ugh. That is so not how I want it to be.
The Czarina told me one of her friends recommended a wedding planner to her. I told her I purchased a wedding planning book, but it is now lost somewhere in my overstuffed apartment and that I was going to start officially planning when we move and unpack. This was no excuse for her. Shocker.
She wants me to get cracking on things.
"Look, I want a guest list. We need to know how big this thing is going to be, because we may not be able to fit into the train station if we get more than 150 people coming to this thing," she told me. (The old train station in my hometown has been converted into a perfect place for wedding receptions, but it's not a huge building.)
"Mom, I can't make a guest list until I know what my budget is," I replied. Holy cow! 150 people?? I was thinking like....75! I thought. Oh dear...
She told me what she was planning on chipping in. I was relieved to hear it was not a lot. I do NOT NOT NOT want a big wedding. I have enough debt and I don't want a dog and pony show where half the people attending don't even know me. No, I have not figured out how to get tons of presents despite holding a small wedding. I need to strategize for maximum gift receiving, despite a tiny guest pool. Hmmm...
We are going to save a ton of money on food, because we are going to serve BBQ. (For those of you who are not Southern, no this does not mean hot dogs and burgers from a grill. I am talking about a good Southern buffet -- pulled pork, baked beans, tater salad, biscuits, fried chicken, shrimp and grits, etc.) This is what Mom, CN and I all wanted, so that was an easy thing to decide! Mom wants to reserve most of the money for the band and the alcohol, which is exactly what I wanted to do. I want all my guests drunk and dancing, much like a frat party. Again, another easy decision. So we are on the same page for much of it.
"And when is this jerk planning on proposing to you, anyway?" she half-joked. "I am sitting here, looking at this ring and it's gorgeous."
"Mom, you are not supposed to be telling me anything about the ring or its whereabouts. You will ruin the surprise. Besides, CN said that he is waiting until we move before he does that. We have a lot of things on hold right now until we move," I explained.
Things on hold include: wedding proposals, wedding planning, buying things bigger than a loaf of bread, exercising, organizing, cleaning, major cooking and doing anything other than watching tv at home. Because we live in a sardine can. Everything has something on top of it, so there are no places to spread your legs, your papers, your projects, your cooking implements, your books or your board games.
I was kind of mad at her for saying this, actually, because I was secretly hoping that he had somehow already gotten the ring from her. (She was in Charleston, SC a few weeks ago, just by coincidence.) Then again, maybe that is a red herring....hmmm...I wouldn't put it past her.
Anyway, I guess I need to get going on this wedding planning stuff. But I have mixed emotions:
33% of me is thinking, "COOL! This is actually happening!"
33% of me is thinking, "OMG. Nononono. Elope now, while you still can. You will kill your mother if you don't."
34% of me wants to boycott this whole thing until I get that damn ring on my finger. I am tired of explaning to people how I am only partially-engaged. I'm trying so hard to be patient, but let's face it. That's really not my forte.
No, I'm not dead, but by the sound of that message, I bet I will wish I was when I call you back! I thought. This kind of voice mail means only one thing with my mom: she wants to talk about something. A lot. Please don't let it be my weight and lack of diet and exercise, I thought.
I called her back on my lunch break and told her that yes, I am still alive, how we are moving on August first, how I am not coming up for her annual party this year, and how I still love my new job. Other than that, I'm just busy with mundane things. I did not tell her that most of those mundane things include eating and watching tv, which is why I still haven't lost any weight. Which is the real reason why I am not coming up to see her this weekend. I told her I don't have much vacation time saved up (which is true), but I could have come up if I wanted to.
"That's ok, honey, you need to save your time up to make a trip up here maybe in August so we can go dress shopping, anyway," she said.
"Yeah, I am already dieting in preparation," I replied. LIE LIE LIE
Then she launched into wedding plan mode. We discussed changing the date -- again. Now it is looking like mid-July of next summer, rather than my dad's birthday like I wanted. My aunt won't be able to attend if I get married on my dad's birthday, because she has to work that weekend, and I want her to go. So I guess that is out, because she HAS to attend or I will cry. I told The Czarina how important it is to me that I get a photographer who will take lots of action shots, instead of just lame-o glamour-shot poses. I want an artistic photographer, ya know?
We discussed the bridal party. "Actually, Mom," I explained, "I was thinking of not having a bridal party."
*huge pause from The Czarina*
"But you have two sisters," she said flatly. Her brain was saying in a robotic voice: Does not compute. Does not compute.
"Yeah, but....I was thinking....and CN doesn't....." I tried to explain. I could hear her irritation over the phone.
"Ok," I surrendered.
Somehow, now I have 4 bridesmaids. When I didn't want any. It's no offense to my sisters, I swear! Well, ok it is a little bit. My older sister might think I would be rubbing it in her face that I'm getting married and she's not. (Yes, she's like that.) So I just don't really want to even go there with her. No bridal party = No pissed off older sister. And although I love my MJ to death, I know she doesn't like being a bridesmaid any more than I do. She's totally not the type of person who would be upset about not being one! She would be relieved!
Add to that the CN is such a loner, and he doesn't have any brothers. So who the hell is he going to have as his groomsmen? My brothers? So the entire wedding party consists of my people, and none of his? That is so lame. I don't want to do that to him.
Actually, one of my big worries is that the wedding will be all about me and my mom, and not about CN or his family. Most of his family lives in Alabama, and asking them to go to a wedding in Virginia is a lot. CN doesn't have a lot of friends, and they are all in South Carolina....so I am picturing a church that is totally lopsided -- everyone on my side of the church. Ugh. That is so not how I want it to be.
The Czarina told me one of her friends recommended a wedding planner to her. I told her I purchased a wedding planning book, but it is now lost somewhere in my overstuffed apartment and that I was going to start officially planning when we move and unpack. This was no excuse for her. Shocker.
She wants me to get cracking on things.
"Look, I want a guest list. We need to know how big this thing is going to be, because we may not be able to fit into the train station if we get more than 150 people coming to this thing," she told me. (The old train station in my hometown has been converted into a perfect place for wedding receptions, but it's not a huge building.)
"Mom, I can't make a guest list until I know what my budget is," I replied. Holy cow! 150 people?? I was thinking like....75! I thought. Oh dear...
She told me what she was planning on chipping in. I was relieved to hear it was not a lot. I do NOT NOT NOT want a big wedding. I have enough debt and I don't want a dog and pony show where half the people attending don't even know me. No, I have not figured out how to get tons of presents despite holding a small wedding. I need to strategize for maximum gift receiving, despite a tiny guest pool. Hmmm...
We are going to save a ton of money on food, because we are going to serve BBQ. (For those of you who are not Southern, no this does not mean hot dogs and burgers from a grill. I am talking about a good Southern buffet -- pulled pork, baked beans, tater salad, biscuits, fried chicken, shrimp and grits, etc.) This is what Mom, CN and I all wanted, so that was an easy thing to decide! Mom wants to reserve most of the money for the band and the alcohol, which is exactly what I wanted to do. I want all my guests drunk and dancing, much like a frat party. Again, another easy decision. So we are on the same page for much of it.
"And when is this jerk planning on proposing to you, anyway?" she half-joked. "I am sitting here, looking at this ring and it's gorgeous."
"Mom, you are not supposed to be telling me anything about the ring or its whereabouts. You will ruin the surprise. Besides, CN said that he is waiting until we move before he does that. We have a lot of things on hold right now until we move," I explained.
Things on hold include: wedding proposals, wedding planning, buying things bigger than a loaf of bread, exercising, organizing, cleaning, major cooking and doing anything other than watching tv at home. Because we live in a sardine can. Everything has something on top of it, so there are no places to spread your legs, your papers, your projects, your cooking implements, your books or your board games.
I was kind of mad at her for saying this, actually, because I was secretly hoping that he had somehow already gotten the ring from her. (She was in Charleston, SC a few weeks ago, just by coincidence.) Then again, maybe that is a red herring....hmmm...I wouldn't put it past her.
Anyway, I guess I need to get going on this wedding planning stuff. But I have mixed emotions:
33% of me is thinking, "COOL! This is actually happening!"
33% of me is thinking, "OMG. Nononono. Elope now, while you still can. You will kill your mother if you don't."
34% of me wants to boycott this whole thing until I get that damn ring on my finger. I am tired of explaning to people how I am only partially-engaged. I'm trying so hard to be patient, but let's face it. That's really not my forte.
Friday, February 20, 2009
Catch You on the Flip Side
Hey, guys! Well, I have been packing my brains out all week. I tell ya, I remember the good ol' days when I was in college, and I didn't have any furniture, and all my stuff fit into 10 large boxes. I didn't even need help to move.
Now, it's an entirely different ball game! I am leaving to go pick up my U-Haul here in a few, but just wanted to post really quickly.
I have read all of your comments (they are all emailed to me), but I really don't have time to reply to all of them, other than to say thank you to all of you for your support. It's a little scary to have this much going on at once, and I'm worried I will f**k something up, but in a month or so, I think I'll be ok.
We still haven't heard when CN will get his job transferred down to Savannah so he can move in with me. Hopefully, it will be soon. We have been across the street from each other for a year and a half, so this will be a big adjustment for us.
If you remember correctly, I told him that we have to either be engaged or have a wedding date picked out before he can move in with me. Since the ring is still in Belgium, with my aunt, which makes proposing rather difficult, we went ahead and set a date: June 26, 2010. Which also happens to be my dad's birthday. I have always wanted to get married on his birthday, since he won't be there to walk me down the aisle.
So that is pretty exciting!!! It gives us time to save up and plan everything. Er, it gives my mom time to plan everything (she's already going into overdrive-control-freak mode). Once I get settled down in Savannah, I will start checking out wedding magazines, I guess. I dunno. Most of y'all are married. What do you recommend as far as how best to get started on planning? Any advice???
I don't know when I will be able to blog again. I have to see what my new job is like. Right now, at this job, I have tons of down time, so it's ok. But who knows what my new job will be like? I will try to get to the public library sometime so I can update y'all on stuff. But that might be a while. It would be great if CN could move in quickly -- he has a brand new, super-fast computer and I could blog from his all the time.
Anyway, we will see. Ok, guys. I gotta go. Wish me luck, and I'll get back to you (and catch up on your blogs!!) as soon as possible!
Now, it's an entirely different ball game! I am leaving to go pick up my U-Haul here in a few, but just wanted to post really quickly.
I have read all of your comments (they are all emailed to me), but I really don't have time to reply to all of them, other than to say thank you to all of you for your support. It's a little scary to have this much going on at once, and I'm worried I will f**k something up, but in a month or so, I think I'll be ok.
We still haven't heard when CN will get his job transferred down to Savannah so he can move in with me. Hopefully, it will be soon. We have been across the street from each other for a year and a half, so this will be a big adjustment for us.
If you remember correctly, I told him that we have to either be engaged or have a wedding date picked out before he can move in with me. Since the ring is still in Belgium, with my aunt, which makes proposing rather difficult, we went ahead and set a date: June 26, 2010. Which also happens to be my dad's birthday. I have always wanted to get married on his birthday, since he won't be there to walk me down the aisle.
So that is pretty exciting!!! It gives us time to save up and plan everything. Er, it gives my mom time to plan everything (she's already going into overdrive-control-freak mode). Once I get settled down in Savannah, I will start checking out wedding magazines, I guess. I dunno. Most of y'all are married. What do you recommend as far as how best to get started on planning? Any advice???
I don't know when I will be able to blog again. I have to see what my new job is like. Right now, at this job, I have tons of down time, so it's ok. But who knows what my new job will be like? I will try to get to the public library sometime so I can update y'all on stuff. But that might be a while. It would be great if CN could move in quickly -- he has a brand new, super-fast computer and I could blog from his all the time.
Anyway, we will see. Ok, guys. I gotta go. Wish me luck, and I'll get back to you (and catch up on your blogs!!) as soon as possible!
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