I'm Back?

I've missed blogging and have been thinking about starting a new blog. I even started setting it up in Blogger. I haven't decided if I want to completely abandon this one, though. I have lots of great memories here and lots of great readers (who are probably long gone by now).

For those of you who have been wondering what I've been up to since my last post in 2013, the answer is a LOT. The short version:

The guy I was dating in 2013 DID put a ring on it (actually, it is my grandmother's ring) and we got married in April 2014. (I should give you the run-down of my wedding experience, no?)

My father-in-law died very suddenly and unexpectedly in August 2014.

We moved in with my mother-in-law to keep her company and to save up money for a bigger house.

A month later, we found out we were pregnant. [insert excited noises here] Baby is not only healthy, but has been the joy of my life so far -- seriously, we made a wonderful child. Good sleeper, good eater, happy and laid-back kid. Oh, and I loved being pregnant. I felt great for the most part. Could have done without the kankles and pre-eclampsia. Oh, and the failed induction was not pleasant...at ALL. But overall, I've been extremely lucky in the mothering department. Please don't hate me. I know a lot of women struggle. I just got lucky. (Man, I should post about my labor & delivery experience.......that was quite a saga.)

After two years of living with my MIL (who is the most awesome MIL ever, btw), we bought our house this past July.

So now I have a husband, a toddler and a house that has so far proved to be a money pit (more on that later). Unfortunately, I also now have cats, thanks to my husband. But it's ok. He's worth it.

I think I'm coming back, y'all. I have all kinds of ideas for posts floating around in my head. Being a full time working mom gives you lots of kindling for venting and sharing. I've been toying with the idea of giving The Hot Girl Lifestyle its own blog, since I'm always on a quest for self-improvement, but am just not sure I want to abandon this blog. I'll continue to post here until I decide. In any case, let's get this party started!

Also, Happy Thanksgiving, Y'all!!!!

BYOB in the New Year

That's Bring Your Own Baggage, by the way. Certainly nothing to do with alcohol in my life! But if I did still drink, I would have a nice tall frosty one right now. Actually, make that some tequila shots.

CN is on a date.

As in....right now.

At dinner. With some girl.

And I'm ok with it. For the most part. It's kind of weird. There is a twinge of jealousy, I am not going to lie. Part of me feels like I should be the one to move on first, since I broke it off. In a lot of ways, I have moved on. But when he told me what he was doing tonight, it was all that much more evident to me that I am NOT NOT NOT ready to date anyone right now. No way, Jose. Flirt, yes. Check out a cute guy? Totally. Date? Nonononono. The thought of going on a date is just surreal to me at the moment. I want me time. Lots and lots of me time.

I'm kind of sad, though. Not only do I know it's over (obviously), but now I know that he knows it, too.

I have been psyching myself up all weekend to get going on resuming my diet/exercise regime. It's an annual event. Ha! Feeling all positive about myself....and wham. The ex has a date. And here I am, I weigh a ton (I am now too fat for my underwear....that's not a good sign), I cannot even remember how to date (because I am not putting myself out there because I am terrified), my self-esteem is rock bottom (due to weight issues) and I am now having a pity party while he's moving on. Good times. Please pass the Haagen-Daz.

I have been beating myself up all day about the fact I haven't really started dieting or exercising yet. Oh, and today (of course!) I was going through some old junk, and ran into all my leftover wedding planning stuff. As I am looking at it, feeling a little sad, he yells down the hall to tell me what his plans are for the evening. Classic.

The optimist in me won't let me throw it away, though. I kept all the torn out pictures of wedding dresses I like and kept the planner. It's now in storage in the garage.

So this news is kind of bad timing more than anything else. My esteem was already in the tanker. I am NOT going to have a pity party. I refuse. (Note: I have been sobbing through this entire post, so that is actually a bald-faced lie.) Feeling sorry for myself will only keep me miserable and let me remain overweight. I have GOT to pull up my bootstraps and get going with my life, instead of letting it take over and running the show. I am in charge. ME.

I am NOT too old. I am NOT too fat. I am NOT giving up. I am going to make this year ROCK if it's the last thing I do. I have two coworkers who want to exercise and lose weight, too, so I have buddies. One of them is single, too, and we've already talked about The Hot Girl Lifestyle. We will own it in 2010.

Things I am looking forward to:
1. I (think) I am buying a laptop soon. YAY! This will enable me to blog more/read blogs more, since I can get out of the house and have some computer privacy. (The lack of privacy, along with work's insanity have both played a role. I miss the blogosphere!) Anyone know who has free wi-fi? (On a semi-related note, is wi-fi trustworthy? Can I shop safely?)

2. Exercise. I cannot wait to run again. (You will notice I am notnotnot looking forward to the "diet" portion of the Sexy New Me program...) I already got new work out pants.

3. Moving. Again. (I am such a nomad, aren't I?) I don't know when. Perhaps I will need my own place sooner than I realized! I have been aching for it, lately. I'd hate to do it again so soon, and leave him with the big rent to pay all by himself, but I gotta do what I gotta do. I don't like the floorplan of this place, anyway. And I miss walking to work. Perhaps I can hold out until March, when the weather is nicer.

4. Getting back in touch with Single VB. She's been gone a loooong time, and hasn't really come out yet. I have been in my little comfort zone on the couch. Time to get out and about, doing things I want to do, fat or not. All work and no play makes VB a dull girl. And who wants to date a dull girl?

I am exercising tomorrow at 9am. I will be making my first *healthy* trip to the grocery store in a long time tomorrow, too. Now, if only I could find all my Weight Watchers paraphernelia...

Changes, Part 1

Well? What do you think? No, not her. The font change. It's easier to read, isn't it? It's not as cute, though. I'm trying it out for a while. I was getting tired of the same-ol' thing. I will try and make some more changes gradually. New year, new look.

And no, that is not me. But it does give you a hint about the theme of this post.

What I really wanted to change today was my ridiculously long blogroll (see sidebar). I was hoping I could just put a link over there to my subscriptions on Bloglines, but I can't figure it out, because Bloglines wants to know my username, and all I know to put in is my email address, which doesn't work. (Note: This is where all my highly intelligent, extremely attractive and helpful readers tell me how to do this....)

By the way, if you are on beta (and by "you", I mean Anny and MJ and anyone else I may have missed), for some reason Bloglines is not picking up your feeds, which means I may not be reading your posts, because I normally only read my Bloglines feeds.

Ahem.

I said I may not be reading your posts.

Whatever will you do without my highly-opinionated comments? I'm sure your life depends on it.

Actually, maybe it's a blessing for you....maybe you switched to beta to get away from me...

*Realization sets in*

*Sobs into hands*

I won't think about that right now. Instead, I will get to the main purpose of this post: I have a new project. I am calling it: 40 Pounds to Freedom. (A gold star to the first person to get my reference....)

Oh, yes, ladies and gentlemen. I am talking about that ever-so-cliche of resolutions. I am going on a big, fat DIET. Actually, I've been on it since New Year's Day. I've already lost 2 pounds. Or three. (My scale and I cannot agree on the exact calculations, because I weigh myself every 4 hours.) This means I have 37-38 pounds to go. Until freedom.

The truth of the matter is, my current BMI falls dangerously close to the "obese" end of the spectrum, something which highly offends me. But then I thought about it (read: The Czarina lectured me about it. Again.) and realized I'm tired of looking at my closet longingly. I'm tired of the fat rolls--you know, the ones that spill out over your bra? Or the ones that gather around your waist? Ick. Hate those. I'm tired of looking like an apple on toothpicks when I wear high heels. Living in fear that someone who hasn't seen you in a long time might think you are pregnant, sick or just severely bloated is frightening. I miss my old Thin VB Self-Esteem. (I had to turn it in when I ate a gallon of ice cream in one week. Followed by an entire package of Oreos. Yeah.) It's time to begin what I like to call...(drumroll, please)...The Hot Girl Lifestyle. I'll talk more about that in a second.

So right now, my fridge is full of veggies (yipee...) and I'm trying to go to the gym every day. Gone are the drive-thrus, the candy jar and the "Oh, screw it!" attitude. Now I have weigh-ins, salad bars and an "I Can Do It!" attitude. I have learned that the more people you tell, the easier it is to be motivated. The only thing worse than being the "dieter" who shoves a Hostess cupcake down their gob is the cupcake-shoving dieter who has told everyone and their uncle that they are on a big health kick. I guess I am motivated by the belief that other people are as judgemental as I am.

To prove my determination, I am joining some of my coworkers in a communal diet, free of breakfast Krispy-Kremes and homemade baked items. We are proverbially holding hands and jumping into the deep end of healthy living. Gone are the candy, the cakes, the take-out Mexican food. Oh how I will miss them...Now we take walks and go to the gym.

I have also joined in on DD's Blogwide Workout. Together, we are reporting the number of times we hit the gym every week. For good or for bad, our little circle is there for support. It's easy and free, so if you'd like to join, just head on over! I am proud to say that I have been 3 times this week already. Go moi. Nothing motivates like the expectations of others.

I am looking forward to the freedom brought by my weight loss. (Hence the name, 40 Pounds to Freedom.) I will be free to wear anything I own. Free to feel confident again. Free from feeling gross and guilty about what I eat. Free from worrying if the cute guys won't talk to me because I'm too fat. (Soon I will know it's because of my personality! Process of elimination, right?)

Ha ha. Ok, that isn't funny...but it does bring me to another point I'd like to make. That is, I have almost always lost weight in the hopes of attracting men. Not that it hurts my chances, but we all know: you have to lose it for yourself. And since I never have, it has always come back. You can't lose weight to get a guy or to keep a guy. It doesn't work. I can say this with conviction, because I've been on both sides of the coin: I was skinny and I was dumped. I was fat and my heart was broken. So really, there is absolutely NO connection between your love life and the number on the scale.

That is why I am losing my weight for ME and no one else. Losing weight doesn't guarantee that I'll have men crawling all over me. (But it can't hurt, right??) I am losing this weight because I'm living a very unhealthy lifestyle right now (um, hell-o, you can't have a 9pm Ice Cream Appointment and still be thin, VB!). I need to get serious. No more cigarettes (Pray for me, y'all!!). No more couch potato stuff. I am losing weight so I can live longer than my dad did. He never took care of himself. I don't want to follow in his footsteps.

So that's what's going on. I am going from this girl...(notice how delicious the chocolate looks. Mmmm...chocolate...)



To this girl...(notice how her nose is not in the refrigerator, but pointed directly at the camera, in a "Come here, big boy!" kind of way.)

So wish me luck! And pass dieting tips and encouragement my way! If I stick to it, I will try and do a HNT for y'all. Woo-hoo! I know you're excited. Now don't mess up your pants, it's going to take a while. Until then, pretend I look like her.

Libraries and Lap Dances

So I went out with The Lawyer this weekend. He was nice. He was funny. He was smart. He was great on paper. But he was just a little too unsure of himself and somewhat...vanilla. And fidgety. He is a bona fide Wimpy Nice Guy.

I have decided there are four types of Nice Guys: Wimpy, Clingy, Nerdy and True. This conclusion is a result of a discussion we had during an episode of Wednesday Trivia Night. You can read a summary of my types here on Stuckey's blog. My point in discussing the four types is that just because you are a nice guy doesn't mean you are desirable. Most of these guys get TFZ'd pretty fast. So for any Nice Guys reading this who are fed up with being single, you might be in one of these four categories.

Bigfoot has not come out of his room since I've been home...which is odd for him. He's almost always in the kitchen 24/7. Maybe he is sick? If he is, I will make him some soup or get him food/medicine, even though I hate his smelly guts. I figure I need some good karma floating around after this weekend. Good thing I donated to some charities this month! Whew! Hopefully it will serve as a buffer!

I was confrontational with four different people this weekend! This is a record for me by far. Usually I average about one every six months. So I think I'm stressed out or something. (Maybe I just need to get some?) You know something is up when you are yelling at the drive-thru girl at McDonald's. (I sat in the drive-thru for twenty minutes and when I got to the front of the line, she asked me, "Ok, what did you order again?"---grrrrr....) So I think I will try and lug my shriveled Philip Morris lungs over to the new gym to burn off some rage. And distract myself from the physically painful nic fit I'm having. Must. Think. Healthy.....*gasp!*

This week I'm going to try and live what I like to refer to as The Hot Girl Lifestyle. It is how I imagine those really hot girls live. They always seem so magically....together. It's sort of an "If I were Cameron Diaz, what would I be doing right now?" concept. I will try to get back to my 5-days-a-week workout schedule, keep my nails manicured, my room clean, my outfits cute, my meals low-cal, my to-do list completed, my bedtime early, my phone calls returned and my mood happy. There is more, but you get the idea. I haven't lived the HGL since about early December, so I'm out of practice. I've been enjoying my Bad Girl Phase of cigarettes, naps, cranky attitude and fattening food. Then this weekend I added drama to boot. That is a sign it's time to rise up out of the ashes and get back to reality. This first week back will feel more like HGL bootcamp, but I'll just have to suck it up. Pray for me!

So a funny thing happened to me today. I did some real, actual work at work! Wow! But that's not the funny part. I was typing up something for people who have never used our library before. You need a photo ID to check out books, and people often need to print off lots of stuff from the computers. We have recently started charging for printing and I wanted to remind them of this. After typing the last line, I realized it was the same advice I would give to someone who was going to a strip club for the first time:

Don't forget your ID and lots of dollar bills!