Woa. My last post got serious. I guess alcohol is a touchy subject with me. It's hard for me not to be serious about it. I realize that I'm unusual in my lifestyle, and that it often begs a lot of questions, so I am opening up the floor to anyone who feels the need to ask me about my alcohol-free life. I don't mind, honest--I'm soooo used to it. So ask if you want. Trust me, if you just posted on your blog about how you are a virgin or something, I would be asking you nosy questions, too. I mean, no alcohol is one thing, but that would be truly amazing.
This post will be more light-hearted. I don't like being serious too often. Moving on...
Repo called me this morning as I was running errands, trying to get ready for my big move this weekend before heading to work. He offered to bring me lunch. So sweet! (He's always offering to do things for me, and it's awesome! A girl can get used to this...) I asked for Jimmy John's, my favorite! If you have never tried their sandwiches, you simply must! I will kill some people over a #10 on wheat! He came over and dropped it off, so I managed to get a quick smooch in before heading off to work. Yay!
So he wants to know what to get me for my birthday. (Is he a keeper or what?) I hate it when people ask me what I want for my birthday. It makes me feel awkward, because I what I really want to say is, "3-karat diamond stud earrings, please!" but you can't ask for that outright. It's hard to answer it when you don't know what their budget is. Plus, we haven't been dating that long and he just got me flowers. So I have been thinking. Recently I just finished off my favorite candle of all time. I originally thought about asking him to get me another one. Then I remembered that The Cop bought me the candle for my birthday last year. That would be weird, wouldn't it? It would be The Boyfriend Candle. K said that it would be ok. "New man, new candle!" she exclaimed. Plus, she pointed out that it would be an easy present for him to get. I agree. But isn't it weird that he would be replacing a gift bought by the guy who came before him?
So now I have a better idea. I've been thinking about asking Repo to take me somewhere I have never been. I want him to surprise me. That way, he can pick something that is in his budget, has the chance to get creative if he wants and allows us to have a new experience together. It could be a restaurant, a museum, rock climbing, the Comedy Club here in town...there are lots of places I haven't been yet. Several times I've said to him, "Oh, I've always wanted to go there!" as we've been driving. So he should be able to think of something. I'm going to request that it is not something where I could get hurt--so no skydiving or anything like that. Luckily, he hates camping as much as I do, so I don't have to worry about that. I'll see what he thinks about my idea. I think he will like it. I'm excited to see what he does...
I would like to do something for his birthday, too. It was right before we started dating, but I'd still like to do something. Anybody have any cool ideas? Right now, all I've got is a nice homemade dinner. And smooches, of course. Perhaps I should get tickets to something...or something he can use when he tailgates for football games...
Every year, I buy myself a birthday present. This is because usually, people don't get me very exciting gifts, so that way, I'm always sure to get one thing I'm excited about. Not surprisingly to anyone who knows me, it is almost always make-up. Some girls have shoe fetishes. For me, nothing gets me more excited than seeing new lipstick shades at my neighborhood Clinique counter. Oh, you thought my candy addiction was bad? Ha! That's nothing when compared to my approx. 140 lipsticks and 78 eyeshadows. Then there are the 9 lipliners, dozen blushes, 14 or so eyeliners and about 25 bottles of nail polish. Yeah, I stopped counting a loooong time ago. My make-up (or "chemistry set" as Bigfoot likes to call it) gets its own piece of furniture for storage purposes. Now that my friends, is an addiction. So today, I got Royal Rush and Sunkissed and the best mascara in the whole world. Happy Birthday to me!
Repo has been begging me to check out this book from the library for him. I asked him why he didn't just check it out himself. "Um, because I don't have a library card." I informed him that as a librarian, this will not fly with me. Who ever heard of a librarian who dates a guy without a library card? I'm dragging his butt to the library on Sunday and I'm going to introduce him to the wonders of public libraries. He is ridiculous. (Actually...come to think of it...I might just buy it for him as a present...hmmmm...)
In other news, I found out last night that Bigfoot will soon be moving to the other side of town, which was music to my ears. Now the chances of seeing him ever again are very slim. Too bad it didn't happen four months ago. But then again, everything he does irritates me, so why would this be an exception?
I'm pretty much ready to move. All my junk is packed.(You never realize how much stuff you actually have until you move!) I'm ready to get it overwith. I might post again tomorrow, since Fridays are usually pretty slow at work, but otherwise I won't be back until Tuesday. (I'm taking Monday off since it's my birthday and I'll have plenty of stuff to unpack!)
Showing posts with label Bigfoot. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Bigfoot. Show all posts
Thursday, February 23, 2006
Monday, January 23, 2006
Libraries and Lap Dances
So I went out with The Lawyer this weekend. He was nice. He was funny. He was smart. He was great on paper. But he was just a little too unsure of himself and somewhat...vanilla. And fidgety. He is a bona fide Wimpy Nice Guy.
I have decided there are four types of Nice Guys: Wimpy, Clingy, Nerdy and True. This conclusion is a result of a discussion we had during an episode of Wednesday Trivia Night. You can read a summary of my types here on Stuckey's blog. My point in discussing the four types is that just because you are a nice guy doesn't mean you are desirable. Most of these guys get TFZ'd pretty fast. So for any Nice Guys reading this who are fed up with being single, you might be in one of these four categories.
Bigfoot has not come out of his room since I've been home...which is odd for him. He's almost always in the kitchen 24/7. Maybe he is sick? If he is, I will make him some soup or get him food/medicine, even though I hate his smelly guts. I figure I need some good karma floating around after this weekend. Good thing I donated to some charities this month! Whew! Hopefully it will serve as a buffer!
I was confrontational with four different people this weekend! This is a record for me by far. Usually I average about one every six months. So I think I'm stressed out or something. (Maybe I just need to get some?) You know something is up when you are yelling at the drive-thru girl at McDonald's. (I sat in the drive-thru for twenty minutes and when I got to the front of the line, she asked me, "Ok, what did you order again?"---grrrrr....) So I think I will try and lug my shriveled Philip Morris lungs over to the new gym to burn off some rage. And distract myself from the physically painful nic fit I'm having. Must. Think. Healthy.....*gasp!*
This week I'm going to try and live what I like to refer to as The Hot Girl Lifestyle. It is how I imagine those really hot girls live. They always seem so magically....together. It's sort of an "If I were Cameron Diaz, what would I be doing right now?" concept. I will try to get back to my 5-days-a-week workout schedule, keep my nails manicured, my room clean, my outfits cute, my meals low-cal, my to-do list completed, my bedtime early, my phone calls returned and my mood happy. There is more, but you get the idea. I haven't lived the HGL since about early December, so I'm out of practice. I've been enjoying my Bad Girl Phase of cigarettes, naps, cranky attitude and fattening food. Then this weekend I added drama to boot. That is a sign it's time to rise up out of the ashes and get back to reality. This first week back will feel more like HGL bootcamp, but I'll just have to suck it up. Pray for me!
So a funny thing happened to me today. I did some real, actual work at work! Wow! But that's not the funny part. I was typing up something for people who have never used our library before. You need a photo ID to check out books, and people often need to print off lots of stuff from the computers. We have recently started charging for printing and I wanted to remind them of this. After typing the last line, I realized it was the same advice I would give to someone who was going to a strip club for the first time:
Don't forget your ID and lots of dollar bills!
I have decided there are four types of Nice Guys: Wimpy, Clingy, Nerdy and True. This conclusion is a result of a discussion we had during an episode of Wednesday Trivia Night. You can read a summary of my types here on Stuckey's blog. My point in discussing the four types is that just because you are a nice guy doesn't mean you are desirable. Most of these guys get TFZ'd pretty fast. So for any Nice Guys reading this who are fed up with being single, you might be in one of these four categories.
Bigfoot has not come out of his room since I've been home...which is odd for him. He's almost always in the kitchen 24/7. Maybe he is sick? If he is, I will make him some soup or get him food/medicine, even though I hate his smelly guts. I figure I need some good karma floating around after this weekend. Good thing I donated to some charities this month! Whew! Hopefully it will serve as a buffer!
I was confrontational with four different people this weekend! This is a record for me by far. Usually I average about one every six months. So I think I'm stressed out or something. (Maybe I just need to get some?) You know something is up when you are yelling at the drive-thru girl at McDonald's. (I sat in the drive-thru for twenty minutes and when I got to the front of the line, she asked me, "Ok, what did you order again?"---grrrrr....) So I think I will try and lug my shriveled Philip Morris lungs over to the new gym to burn off some rage. And distract myself from the physically painful nic fit I'm having. Must. Think. Healthy.....*gasp!*
This week I'm going to try and live what I like to refer to as The Hot Girl Lifestyle. It is how I imagine those really hot girls live. They always seem so magically....together. It's sort of an "If I were Cameron Diaz, what would I be doing right now?" concept. I will try to get back to my 5-days-a-week workout schedule, keep my nails manicured, my room clean, my outfits cute, my meals low-cal, my to-do list completed, my bedtime early, my phone calls returned and my mood happy. There is more, but you get the idea. I haven't lived the HGL since about early December, so I'm out of practice. I've been enjoying my Bad Girl Phase of cigarettes, naps, cranky attitude and fattening food. Then this weekend I added drama to boot. That is a sign it's time to rise up out of the ashes and get back to reality. This first week back will feel more like HGL bootcamp, but I'll just have to suck it up. Pray for me!
So a funny thing happened to me today. I did some real, actual work at work! Wow! But that's not the funny part. I was typing up something for people who have never used our library before. You need a photo ID to check out books, and people often need to print off lots of stuff from the computers. We have recently started charging for printing and I wanted to remind them of this. After typing the last line, I realized it was the same advice I would give to someone who was going to a strip club for the first time:
Don't forget your ID and lots of dollar bills!
Monday, January 16, 2006
A Tiny Bit of (Virtual) Revenge...
So sad that this actually makes me feel better about FedSexy and Bigfoot....just enter their name and start the fun! I especially like the push pins and car tire...
I highly recommend this to anyone who is ticked off!
I highly recommend this to anyone who is ticked off!
Bigfoot Strikes Again
Most of you probably like long weekends. I hate them. This is why: As fate would have it, Bigfoot and I are on the same exact work schedule, so I cannot escape him unless I'm at work. Currently, I'm trying to calm down after he has yet again caused me to lose my temper. He just cooked one of his specialties: potatoes and onions fried in oil. It may not sound like much, but let me just say that it smells so strongly that he has woken Athletic Girl out of a dead sleep before. It f---in REEKS!!! And it permetates the entire house for days. Closing the doors to other rooms does not help. It seeps in no matter where you go. He doesn't seem to be bothered at all by the smell and doesn't bother to turn on any fans or open any doors or windows, so the whole house will smell like a friggin' TGIFriday's in here unless I do something about it. I just stomped downstairs and asked him if he is capable of cooking anything that doesn't stink to high heaven. (Only there were some expletives in there too.) Then I turned on the fans and opened the doors. And yes, it's about 50 degrees outside. Trust me, anything is better than this smell. Unfortunately, now all of my clothes will smell like oil and onions. To boot, whenever he fries something in oil (which is about twice a week) he manages to splatter it all over the walls and the fridge and the stovetop. He rarely cleans it up. And if he does, he will make a poor attempt at doing it properly. This is because he is also the laziest human being on earth.
Lord knows I'm not the healthiest eater on Earth, but his diet is so disgusting it is unbelievable. This is a typical day's menu for him:
Breakfast: fried onions & potatoes, whole milk, some kind of meat, doughnuts
Lunch: french fries, bacon cheeseburger, milkshake, coke
Dinner: some large hunk of meat marinated in something stinky, more fried potatoes, pasta with greasy tomato sauce, garlic bread with butter on it, coke, cake/cookies/doughnuts (yes, all of that)
Anyone else grossed out yet? Even Athletic Girl, who likes him better than I do, has asked him how he isn't plugged up like a drain since he eats nothing with any fiber or vitamins in it. I have never seen him eat a piece of fruit or any vegetables other than the greasy tomato sauce or the fried potatoes. He is a total lard ass. When he moves, his shoulders jiggle. I am not kidding. Normally it wouldn't bother me--my father was a large man. But my father also wore shirts that covered himself up. Bigfoot wears sleeveless shirts cut open at the side, allowing his hairy fatty flesh to roll out in its full glory. I wish he'd get his stupid heart attack over with so I can just call the coroner and get him wheeled out of here!
He has added yet another annoying habit to his long list of obnoctious behavior. I know, I know, it doesn't seem possible. He now conducts all cell phone calls using speakerphone, so not only do we have to listen to his end of the conversation, we have to listen to whatever his dumb friend is saying too. He doesn't close the door to his room while he does this, but even if he did, we'd still be able to hear him loud and clear because he YELLS into the phone. What is it about speakerphone that makes people feel they have to yell? It's not like he speaks softly to begin with!
I swear to God, I'm going to pull out my baseball bat one day and just beat him to death! Some people fantasize about Swedish bikini teams or Brad Pitt. I fantasize about violently clubbing my roommate into a bloody mess in a Natural Born Killers kind of way. I know, I know! Normally I'm a sweet and patient person, but he causes me to wonder what his brain would look like splattered on the wall. I think I will "accidentally" throw away some of his bills....or change the locks. Anyone have any vindictive ideas? I would never carry them out because he has too many opportunities to counter-attack, but I'm always looking for new fantasies! I need to create a daydream where he loses some limbs or his testicles or something...
Lord knows I'm not the healthiest eater on Earth, but his diet is so disgusting it is unbelievable. This is a typical day's menu for him:
Breakfast: fried onions & potatoes, whole milk, some kind of meat, doughnuts
Lunch: french fries, bacon cheeseburger, milkshake, coke
Dinner: some large hunk of meat marinated in something stinky, more fried potatoes, pasta with greasy tomato sauce, garlic bread with butter on it, coke, cake/cookies/doughnuts (yes, all of that)
Anyone else grossed out yet? Even Athletic Girl, who likes him better than I do, has asked him how he isn't plugged up like a drain since he eats nothing with any fiber or vitamins in it. I have never seen him eat a piece of fruit or any vegetables other than the greasy tomato sauce or the fried potatoes. He is a total lard ass. When he moves, his shoulders jiggle. I am not kidding. Normally it wouldn't bother me--my father was a large man. But my father also wore shirts that covered himself up. Bigfoot wears sleeveless shirts cut open at the side, allowing his hairy fatty flesh to roll out in its full glory. I wish he'd get his stupid heart attack over with so I can just call the coroner and get him wheeled out of here!
He has added yet another annoying habit to his long list of obnoctious behavior. I know, I know, it doesn't seem possible. He now conducts all cell phone calls using speakerphone, so not only do we have to listen to his end of the conversation, we have to listen to whatever his dumb friend is saying too. He doesn't close the door to his room while he does this, but even if he did, we'd still be able to hear him loud and clear because he YELLS into the phone. What is it about speakerphone that makes people feel they have to yell? It's not like he speaks softly to begin with!
I swear to God, I'm going to pull out my baseball bat one day and just beat him to death! Some people fantasize about Swedish bikini teams or Brad Pitt. I fantasize about violently clubbing my roommate into a bloody mess in a Natural Born Killers kind of way. I know, I know! Normally I'm a sweet and patient person, but he causes me to wonder what his brain would look like splattered on the wall. I think I will "accidentally" throw away some of his bills....or change the locks. Anyone have any vindictive ideas? I would never carry them out because he has too many opportunities to counter-attack, but I'm always looking for new fantasies! I need to create a daydream where he loses some limbs or his testicles or something...
Thursday, January 12, 2006
News of the Weird
Truth is more of a stranger than fiction.--Mark Twain (attributed)
Follow-up to the last post: So, I found this article, courtesy of XY of Team Richardson. I found it very helpful and relative to my question about how to know if you are good in bed.
Also today I read this article--how bizarre! It makes me think of the phrase "Green Eggs and Ham" in a whole new way...
This next weird news story pertains only to hard-core Sex and the City fans like myself. In season 2, do you remember when Carrie was dating the short story writer, and while he was ok, she really fell in love with his family? His mother was played by Valerie Harper. They ended up breaking up because he suffered from PE (pre-mature ejaculation) and didn't want to discuss it. Imagine my amazement when I watched it yesterday and realized that the actor playing the role of Vaughn looks just like Disrespectful Dan! Wierd!
Here in SC, we are having really nice weather. I'm talking 70s. In January. Also wierd.
Last night had all kinds of wierd stuff. I went out with my friends, XX and XY (aka Team Richardson) and Stuck. It will probably start to be a weekly Wednesday event--I like to call it Hump Night. :) We always have great conversations, especially about relationships. Team R is married and Stuck and I are single, so there are several perspectives. (If you'd like to read Stuck's take on the evening, you can read it here.) I learned something about men: they pay attention to how a woman walks. I had no idea. Apparently I have a good walk. Good to know, I guess. I wonder what else they pay attention to? (I know, XY, you said, "Duh! Everything!")
As we talk, we eat dinner, watch whatever game is on (IU lost to Michigan State last nite * VB is very sad*), we participate in the bar's trivia contest and play pool. Last night we saw some wierd things: a guy who was at the bar playing trivia apparently alone (I love trivia too, but sheesh!), a woman who brought her baby to the bar (who does that? just how redneck are they?) and my sudden & unexplainable abilities at playing pool. I think there was something in the air.
This isn't wierd, but I have to vent for a moment: Bigfoot is still driving me batty. He still has yet to wash his hands, cook food that doesn't stink or do anything quietly. He is really nosy about my love life, because I'm sure he is hoping I'll accidentally bring home some gay guy for his desperate ass. I have stopped introducing him to my dates because he always makes some comment about how cute their butts are or asks me if I've had sex with them yet! (For the record, I'm not a slut who gives it up after the first date and besides, it's none of your business, Bigfoot!) To his credit, he has been taking out the trash. But now I think I might start doing it. He almost threw away a box of my stuff I keep in the garage! I was leaving for work on trash day and saw it. WTF? It was a box full of picture frames and candles. Why would someone throw that away? Wouldn't you ask someone about that first? Maybe this explains what happened to my Eminem CD....
On a funny note, I have gotten Athletic Girl to start calling him Bigfoot! And he answers to it now! Ha!
79 more days. Just 79 more days. Everyone keep the first weekend in April free! Party @ VB's!
But the Prize for Wierdest Story of the Day goes to this hum-dinger: FexSexy called me. I swear, men have ESP. I had just really resigned myself to get over it and was not even thinking about him at all when--boom!--he calls, right as I'm leaving to go to Hump Night. Aaaarrgh! Get me off this rollercoaster! It's killing me! Athletic Girl was teasing me about it. She says I get all giggly and sweet-talky when he calls. She does this hilarious impression of me on the phone with him. I wish you could hear it! I probably do sound just like that!
He has been extremely busy, methinks, because he said he was exhausted and had just now gotten a moment of spare time. (For anyone who doesn't know, he is in training to become a State Trooper and so he is at this sort-of boot camp thing where he isn't allowed to go anywhere until the weekend. But he can use his phone after 6pm!) So, as much as I hate to admit this to my inner skeptic, I guess all this time he was just busy. Stuck and XY think he just has a lot on his plate right now and he's trying to figure out where to fit me in. He is coming over tomorrow evening (Friday) to hang out with me before he leaves town to go visit his Dad. While I am pleased that he made plans more than an hour in advance this time, I'm still hoping for a real date. One where I have time to look nice, we go out in public and share a meal. I'm going to be patient, though. I've made it this far. He must be interested. We can always do that some other time. Whew! I'm so much more calm now. And pretty stoked, I must say. I guess this is just how he operates. I'll deal. I just needed some occassional reciprocation, you know?
I'm thinking.... I'm going to tell FedSexy I'm not interested in dating anyone else. What do you think? I'm wondering if he is not prioritizing me much because he's under the impression I'm seeing other people. (I'm not anymore. I was though, when he asked me about it.) If so, I can't blame him. I'd probably do the same.
Tomorrow I'm taking the afternoon off thanks to some comp time. Lunch, ice cream and a pedicure with my coworker, K, and then home for smooches with FedSexy!
Follow-up to the last post: So, I found this article, courtesy of XY of Team Richardson. I found it very helpful and relative to my question about how to know if you are good in bed.
Also today I read this article--how bizarre! It makes me think of the phrase "Green Eggs and Ham" in a whole new way...
This next weird news story pertains only to hard-core Sex and the City fans like myself. In season 2, do you remember when Carrie was dating the short story writer, and while he was ok, she really fell in love with his family? His mother was played by Valerie Harper. They ended up breaking up because he suffered from PE (pre-mature ejaculation) and didn't want to discuss it. Imagine my amazement when I watched it yesterday and realized that the actor playing the role of Vaughn looks just like Disrespectful Dan! Wierd!
Here in SC, we are having really nice weather. I'm talking 70s. In January. Also wierd.
Last night had all kinds of wierd stuff. I went out with my friends, XX and XY (aka Team Richardson) and Stuck. It will probably start to be a weekly Wednesday event--I like to call it Hump Night. :) We always have great conversations, especially about relationships. Team R is married and Stuck and I are single, so there are several perspectives. (If you'd like to read Stuck's take on the evening, you can read it here.) I learned something about men: they pay attention to how a woman walks. I had no idea. Apparently I have a good walk. Good to know, I guess. I wonder what else they pay attention to? (I know, XY, you said, "Duh! Everything!")
As we talk, we eat dinner, watch whatever game is on (IU lost to Michigan State last nite * VB is very sad*), we participate in the bar's trivia contest and play pool. Last night we saw some wierd things: a guy who was at the bar playing trivia apparently alone (I love trivia too, but sheesh!), a woman who brought her baby to the bar (who does that? just how redneck are they?) and my sudden & unexplainable abilities at playing pool. I think there was something in the air.
This isn't wierd, but I have to vent for a moment: Bigfoot is still driving me batty. He still has yet to wash his hands, cook food that doesn't stink or do anything quietly. He is really nosy about my love life, because I'm sure he is hoping I'll accidentally bring home some gay guy for his desperate ass. I have stopped introducing him to my dates because he always makes some comment about how cute their butts are or asks me if I've had sex with them yet! (For the record, I'm not a slut who gives it up after the first date and besides, it's none of your business, Bigfoot!) To his credit, he has been taking out the trash. But now I think I might start doing it. He almost threw away a box of my stuff I keep in the garage! I was leaving for work on trash day and saw it. WTF? It was a box full of picture frames and candles. Why would someone throw that away? Wouldn't you ask someone about that first? Maybe this explains what happened to my Eminem CD....
On a funny note, I have gotten Athletic Girl to start calling him Bigfoot! And he answers to it now! Ha!
79 more days. Just 79 more days. Everyone keep the first weekend in April free! Party @ VB's!
But the Prize for Wierdest Story of the Day goes to this hum-dinger: FexSexy called me. I swear, men have ESP. I had just really resigned myself to get over it and was not even thinking about him at all when--boom!--he calls, right as I'm leaving to go to Hump Night. Aaaarrgh! Get me off this rollercoaster! It's killing me! Athletic Girl was teasing me about it. She says I get all giggly and sweet-talky when he calls. She does this hilarious impression of me on the phone with him. I wish you could hear it! I probably do sound just like that!
He has been extremely busy, methinks, because he said he was exhausted and had just now gotten a moment of spare time. (For anyone who doesn't know, he is in training to become a State Trooper and so he is at this sort-of boot camp thing where he isn't allowed to go anywhere until the weekend. But he can use his phone after 6pm!) So, as much as I hate to admit this to my inner skeptic, I guess all this time he was just busy. Stuck and XY think he just has a lot on his plate right now and he's trying to figure out where to fit me in. He is coming over tomorrow evening (Friday) to hang out with me before he leaves town to go visit his Dad. While I am pleased that he made plans more than an hour in advance this time, I'm still hoping for a real date. One where I have time to look nice, we go out in public and share a meal. I'm going to be patient, though. I've made it this far. He must be interested. We can always do that some other time. Whew! I'm so much more calm now. And pretty stoked, I must say. I guess this is just how he operates. I'll deal. I just needed some occassional reciprocation, you know?
I'm thinking.... I'm going to tell FedSexy I'm not interested in dating anyone else. What do you think? I'm wondering if he is not prioritizing me much because he's under the impression I'm seeing other people. (I'm not anymore. I was though, when he asked me about it.) If so, I can't blame him. I'd probably do the same.
Tomorrow I'm taking the afternoon off thanks to some comp time. Lunch, ice cream and a pedicure with my coworker, K, and then home for smooches with FedSexy!
Tuesday, November 29, 2005
Things I hate about my Flatmate
I think this guy is living with my roommate's sister in Australia. The similarities are scary. There is even an entry about tea towels, which Bigfoot leaves on the countertop, where they begin to grow moldy.
Bigfoot is not quite as bad as these girls, but he is pretty close. And gayer.
Bigfoot is not quite as bad as these girls, but he is pretty close. And gayer.
Monday, November 21, 2005
The Quiz
No way. Why should I change? He's the one who sucks. --Michael Bolton, Office Space
Here is a pop quiz about my Stupid Roommate. Let's see how you do. I bet it's better than he would do.
1. A better nickname for him would be...
a) Bigfoot
b) The Big Loser
c) What's That Smell?
d) What's That Noise?
e) all of the above
2. Which of his behaviors is the most disturbing?
a) He apparently never washes his hands. Ever.
b) He puts his feet on the couch and kneads the cushions with his bare, toe-cheese feet.
c) Until moving here, he lived with his mother his whole life. He is 38.
d) His "friend" looks like a cracked-out David Bowie with 4 pound cheek implants .
e) all of the above
3. The most inconsiderate thing Bigfoot does is...
a) uses/eats all of our stuff without asking or buying his own
b) wakes us up every morning with his big stomping feet and 532 decibel voice
c) breaks our stuff with his monster-grip hands
d) cooks everything "stinky-style" and then doesn't air out the house, so the house constantly smells like nasty, greasy food
e) all of the above
4. What makes Bigfoot clueless?
a) Despite our lack of eye contact and verbal acknowledgement of his presence, he doesn't realize we hate his guts.
b) He never leaves the house and then wonders why he isn't meeting any friends here.
c) He loves "Desperate Housewives", yet ironically doesn't realize he IS a desperate housewife.
d) He goes to the gym for 15 minutes per week, comes home to fry something in oil and wash it down with a crueller or two, and then wonders why he can't seem to lose weight.
e) all of the above
5. What has earned Bigfoot the title, "The World's Most Annoying Human"?
a) Every time he enters a room, he sings, "Do-tee-do-tee-do..."
b) He breathes through his mouth. Loudly. Sort of like he's constantly panting.
c) He doesn't clean out the lint filter of the dryer when he is done drying his clothes. Ewww.
d) Everytime you are leaving to go somewhere, he says, "Mind if I tag along?"
e) all of the above
6. Only one of these statements is false. Which one is false?
a) He buys economy-sized groceries, knowing full well that the fridge has to be shared with three other adults. Despite our pleadings, he continues to occupy 3/4ths of the fridge space.
b) His room smells like.....just stench, really. Sort of like stinky socks. Air fresheners are not strong enough. Trust me, I tried.
c) He has been stood up on about 7 dates.
d) He has jokingly offered to let us borrow his anal plug. While we were eating.
e) Actually, these are all true statements.
7. Thanks to Bigfoot, his roommates are no longer at liberty to...
a) walk on the kitchen floor without shoes on (his toe-cheese stinky bare feet on linoleum!)
b) do all of their laundry in one afternoon because he will intersperse your loads with his own.
c) find any of their kitchen utensils because he refuses to put them back where he got them from. Also, if you were to find them, they would probably be dirty because he is always cooking his stinky food. This is because his life revolves around eating.
d) Come home in peace and quiet because he runs out of his room like a puppy when you come home wanting to know how your day went.
e) all of the above
8. Other puzzling behavior includes...
a) He bought a ton of paper plates, yet does not use them.
b) Hacking up a lung every morning in the bathroom. Yes, there is phlegm. No, he doesn't close the door. No, he doesn't smoke. Yes, you can hear it on the other side of the house.
c) He has absolutely no sterotypical gay-guy traits, so he is completely useless to me. :)
d) Constantly wearing sleeveless t-shirts which allow his arm/shoulder/chest/back hair to shine in its full glory.
e) All of the above.
Answer key: If you answered e, you are correct! Good job!
And now for the FAQs portion of our quiz.
Q: So, why don't you just say something to him?
A: Oh, we have. We have asked, implied, left notes, pleaded, used sarcasm, yelled, hidden things from him, eaten HIS food, screamed--everything. He is either lazy or stupid, we can't tell which. The good news is, he will only be here until March. Hopefully.
Q: Why don't you just move out?
A: I could, but I would lose all of my fun money since living alone is expensive. Also, see quote at top. He will hopefully be leaving in March. Hopefully.
Q: How do you not kill this man?
A: I will not deny that I have been tempted to buy duct tape. And large knives. Just kidding. Um, I guess if I killed him, I would have to go to jail and I don't think I can do my blog from there. Also, isn't there some saying about how great writing comes from great suffering? Oh, and prayer. Daily prayer. You think I am kidding.
Q: So, Athletic Girl feels the same way?
A: Mysteriously, her level of annoyance has not reached my peak as of yet. But it's steadily rising, especially in laundry-related issues. I tell her she doesn't want to see him writhe in physical pain, pleading for mercy from ye gods because she is never home, whereas I have had more direct contact hours than she. Plus, she went to Hawaii last month, which I believe just makes life easier in general.
Q: Why don't you just try and stay away from home more?
A: There are only so many places you can go for so long before they kick you out and you have to go home. This explains my gym/shopping frequency.
Q: Can you drown your sorrows somehow? How do you vent?
A: Unfortunately, I do not drink alcohol. Instead, I shoot myself up with smack every morning before leaving my room. Just kidding. I actually pop about 4 valiums. Ok, I don't do that either. Somehow, I don't think it would help. I'd probably just talk about it more if I were drunk/wacked out. Instead, I vent here, make up songs about him, whine to my friends, do impressions of him...stuff like that.
Q: Has his presence impacted your social life?
A: Let's just say I don't throw dinner parties anymore.
Q: Does he know about this blog?
A: No, but that is a great idea! Maybe I should print this and give it to him....Man, I wish I could just be really really mean and do that. Dang!
Q: Anything else to add?
A: He used my computer before he recently got his own. What did I find in my web browser history? Manhunt. There's a site. If you want, check it out. Don't say I didn't warn you.
Here is a pop quiz about my Stupid Roommate. Let's see how you do. I bet it's better than he would do.
1. A better nickname for him would be...
a) Bigfoot
b) The Big Loser
c) What's That Smell?
d) What's That Noise?
e) all of the above
2. Which of his behaviors is the most disturbing?
a) He apparently never washes his hands. Ever.
b) He puts his feet on the couch and kneads the cushions with his bare, toe-cheese feet.
c) Until moving here, he lived with his mother his whole life. He is 38.
d) His "friend" looks like a cracked-out David Bowie with 4 pound cheek implants .
e) all of the above
3. The most inconsiderate thing Bigfoot does is...
a) uses/eats all of our stuff without asking or buying his own
b) wakes us up every morning with his big stomping feet and 532 decibel voice
c) breaks our stuff with his monster-grip hands
d) cooks everything "stinky-style" and then doesn't air out the house, so the house constantly smells like nasty, greasy food
e) all of the above
4. What makes Bigfoot clueless?
a) Despite our lack of eye contact and verbal acknowledgement of his presence, he doesn't realize we hate his guts.
b) He never leaves the house and then wonders why he isn't meeting any friends here.
c) He loves "Desperate Housewives", yet ironically doesn't realize he IS a desperate housewife.
d) He goes to the gym for 15 minutes per week, comes home to fry something in oil and wash it down with a crueller or two, and then wonders why he can't seem to lose weight.
e) all of the above
5. What has earned Bigfoot the title, "The World's Most Annoying Human"?
a) Every time he enters a room, he sings, "Do-tee-do-tee-do..."
b) He breathes through his mouth. Loudly. Sort of like he's constantly panting.
c) He doesn't clean out the lint filter of the dryer when he is done drying his clothes. Ewww.
d) Everytime you are leaving to go somewhere, he says, "Mind if I tag along?"
e) all of the above
6. Only one of these statements is false. Which one is false?
a) He buys economy-sized groceries, knowing full well that the fridge has to be shared with three other adults. Despite our pleadings, he continues to occupy 3/4ths of the fridge space.
b) His room smells like.....just stench, really. Sort of like stinky socks. Air fresheners are not strong enough. Trust me, I tried.
c) He has been stood up on about 7 dates.
d) He has jokingly offered to let us borrow his anal plug. While we were eating.
e) Actually, these are all true statements.
7. Thanks to Bigfoot, his roommates are no longer at liberty to...
a) walk on the kitchen floor without shoes on (his toe-cheese stinky bare feet on linoleum!)
b) do all of their laundry in one afternoon because he will intersperse your loads with his own.
c) find any of their kitchen utensils because he refuses to put them back where he got them from. Also, if you were to find them, they would probably be dirty because he is always cooking his stinky food. This is because his life revolves around eating.
d) Come home in peace and quiet because he runs out of his room like a puppy when you come home wanting to know how your day went.
e) all of the above
8. Other puzzling behavior includes...
a) He bought a ton of paper plates, yet does not use them.
b) Hacking up a lung every morning in the bathroom. Yes, there is phlegm. No, he doesn't close the door. No, he doesn't smoke. Yes, you can hear it on the other side of the house.
c) He has absolutely no sterotypical gay-guy traits, so he is completely useless to me. :)
d) Constantly wearing sleeveless t-shirts which allow his arm/shoulder/chest/back hair to shine in its full glory.
e) All of the above.
Answer key: If you answered e, you are correct! Good job!
And now for the FAQs portion of our quiz.
Q: So, why don't you just say something to him?
A: Oh, we have. We have asked, implied, left notes, pleaded, used sarcasm, yelled, hidden things from him, eaten HIS food, screamed--everything. He is either lazy or stupid, we can't tell which. The good news is, he will only be here until March. Hopefully.
Q: Why don't you just move out?
A: I could, but I would lose all of my fun money since living alone is expensive. Also, see quote at top. He will hopefully be leaving in March. Hopefully.
Q: How do you not kill this man?
A: I will not deny that I have been tempted to buy duct tape. And large knives. Just kidding. Um, I guess if I killed him, I would have to go to jail and I don't think I can do my blog from there. Also, isn't there some saying about how great writing comes from great suffering? Oh, and prayer. Daily prayer. You think I am kidding.
Q: So, Athletic Girl feels the same way?
A: Mysteriously, her level of annoyance has not reached my peak as of yet. But it's steadily rising, especially in laundry-related issues. I tell her she doesn't want to see him writhe in physical pain, pleading for mercy from ye gods because she is never home, whereas I have had more direct contact hours than she. Plus, she went to Hawaii last month, which I believe just makes life easier in general.
Q: Why don't you just try and stay away from home more?
A: There are only so many places you can go for so long before they kick you out and you have to go home. This explains my gym/shopping frequency.
Q: Can you drown your sorrows somehow? How do you vent?
A: Unfortunately, I do not drink alcohol. Instead, I shoot myself up with smack every morning before leaving my room. Just kidding. I actually pop about 4 valiums. Ok, I don't do that either. Somehow, I don't think it would help. I'd probably just talk about it more if I were drunk/wacked out. Instead, I vent here, make up songs about him, whine to my friends, do impressions of him...stuff like that.
Q: Has his presence impacted your social life?
A: Let's just say I don't throw dinner parties anymore.
Q: Does he know about this blog?
A: No, but that is a great idea! Maybe I should print this and give it to him....Man, I wish I could just be really really mean and do that. Dang!
Q: Anything else to add?
A: He used my computer before he recently got his own. What did I find in my web browser history? Manhunt. There's a site. If you want, check it out. Don't say I didn't warn you.
Tuesday, November 15, 2005
The Falling Out
In a heated argument, we are apt to lose sight of the truth. --Publilius Syrus
How would you feel if your good friend put you in a really bad situation so he could pay his bills? Would you be understanding? For how long? What if they hadn't always been a very good friend to you? At what point do you value money over friendship? Is it always inexcusable, or does everyone have a breaking point?
My buddy, I'll call him Charleston Guy (CG), called me last night. We chatted for a bit when he asked me if I was speaking to the Landlord yet. The Landlord used to be one of my best friends.
Used to be.
About a year ago, my lease at my old apt was up, and he had a spare bedroom in his house. So I moved in, and he moved out (he took a job elsewhere). Although I had my reservations about mixing personal life with money, it was a great win-win situation. He needed the rent money from his tenants to pay his mortgage, and I wanted cable and DSL. For a while, it was just me and Athletic Girl, who is a great roommate. For a while, a really nice guy lived in the Landlord's room, but it was just temporary. I knew the Landlord was finding tenants for the third bedroom on the Internet, but so far it was working well. And I hoped he would pick good people. I was his friend, after all.
Then, one day Stupid Roommate came by to look at the place. I instantly hated this guy. (I will post about him later so no tangents for now). Now, I have a tendency to be very apprehensive and opinionated about certain...lifestyles. I was raised in a very WASPy home, and it took its toll. (Ok, ok, I can be a close-minded asshole. There, I said it.) But SR's lifestyle is the least of my problems. His annoying habits far far outweigh any personal activities in which he might partake. But that is beside the point. I figured that since the Landlord knew me pretty well he would know that I would more than likely have a problem with this guy and not rent to him. I didn't think Landlord would actually go through with it before asking if that would be ok. But he did.
Last month, Stupid Roommate moved in. And I have hated being at home ever since.
My response was along the lines of, "How can you value your bank account over your friendships? I would never do this to you. Then again, I wouldn't buy a house I couldn't afford and make my friends bear the brunt of my mistake." I'm not going to get into details about what was said, because it was pretty ugly. Ok, it was really ugly. There were some telephone hang-ups involved. And some yelling and personal insults. Yeah, that kind of ugly. Most of it coming from me.
Sidebar: This was not the only source of my beef with Landlord. A couple of times in the preceeding months, he had said some rather not-so-nice/insensitive things about my father being ill (my father passed away a few months after he said those things) and my mother, whom he has met once. I had gotten upset with him those times too. I eventually got over it, although I don't recall him ever apologizing. But I have a long memory when someone hurts me. So, I was already wary of Landlord's behavior/lack of sensitivity coming into this situation. I had some basic trust issues with Landlord going into this conversation about Stupid Roommate. This is sort of the straw that broke the camel's back.
So, no, I'm not on speaking terms with the Landlord. Do I feel bad about it? Not really. I still feel the same way, although I'm no longer in a rage about it. You could say I'd be open to talking to him, but not nearly ready to forgive and/or forget. And I haven't moved out, either, since I love my location and can't afford to live alone. But I'm getting really good at not being at home, which is kind of the same thing.
How would you feel if your good friend put you in a really bad situation so he could pay his bills? Would you be understanding? For how long? What if they hadn't always been a very good friend to you? At what point do you value money over friendship? Is it always inexcusable, or does everyone have a breaking point?
My buddy, I'll call him Charleston Guy (CG), called me last night. We chatted for a bit when he asked me if I was speaking to the Landlord yet. The Landlord used to be one of my best friends.
Used to be.
About a year ago, my lease at my old apt was up, and he had a spare bedroom in his house. So I moved in, and he moved out (he took a job elsewhere). Although I had my reservations about mixing personal life with money, it was a great win-win situation. He needed the rent money from his tenants to pay his mortgage, and I wanted cable and DSL. For a while, it was just me and Athletic Girl, who is a great roommate. For a while, a really nice guy lived in the Landlord's room, but it was just temporary. I knew the Landlord was finding tenants for the third bedroom on the Internet, but so far it was working well. And I hoped he would pick good people. I was his friend, after all.
Then, one day Stupid Roommate came by to look at the place. I instantly hated this guy. (I will post about him later so no tangents for now). Now, I have a tendency to be very apprehensive and opinionated about certain...lifestyles. I was raised in a very WASPy home, and it took its toll. (Ok, ok, I can be a close-minded asshole. There, I said it.) But SR's lifestyle is the least of my problems. His annoying habits far far outweigh any personal activities in which he might partake. But that is beside the point. I figured that since the Landlord knew me pretty well he would know that I would more than likely have a problem with this guy and not rent to him. I didn't think Landlord would actually go through with it before asking if that would be ok. But he did.
Last month, Stupid Roommate moved in. And I have hated being at home ever since.
My response was along the lines of, "How can you value your bank account over your friendships? I would never do this to you. Then again, I wouldn't buy a house I couldn't afford and make my friends bear the brunt of my mistake." I'm not going to get into details about what was said, because it was pretty ugly. Ok, it was really ugly. There were some telephone hang-ups involved. And some yelling and personal insults. Yeah, that kind of ugly. Most of it coming from me.
Sidebar: This was not the only source of my beef with Landlord. A couple of times in the preceeding months, he had said some rather not-so-nice/insensitive things about my father being ill (my father passed away a few months after he said those things) and my mother, whom he has met once. I had gotten upset with him those times too. I eventually got over it, although I don't recall him ever apologizing. But I have a long memory when someone hurts me. So, I was already wary of Landlord's behavior/lack of sensitivity coming into this situation. I had some basic trust issues with Landlord going into this conversation about Stupid Roommate. This is sort of the straw that broke the camel's back.
So, no, I'm not on speaking terms with the Landlord. Do I feel bad about it? Not really. I still feel the same way, although I'm no longer in a rage about it. You could say I'd be open to talking to him, but not nearly ready to forgive and/or forget. And I haven't moved out, either, since I love my location and can't afford to live alone. But I'm getting really good at not being at home, which is kind of the same thing.
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