Ironic Ending

Thank you, everyone, for all the nice comments on the last post. CN was bummed about his cousin. On Thursday night, he asked me to come over, because he didn't feel well. He had a fever and was dizzy and his tummy was upset. He told me he had just called his mom to tell her that he would not be able to go to Alabama for the funeral because he was sick. I pointed out that whenever he gets stressed out, he feels sick, and that he would probably feel fine in the morning. But he was convinced he was sick, so he stuck to his guns.

The next morning, he felt fine. But it was too late -- his mom had already left for Alabama. I had to bite my tongue in order to stop myself from saying, "I told you so!" He's so funny -- whenever he's stressed out, his body just reacts like that -- he just gets sick for one day. It's very odd. Anyway, he felt really badly about not going to the funeral, but I told him everyone would understand.

So he and I ended up hanging out most of the weekend. Nothing really exciting, just the usual: errands, the gym, watching tv, lunch with MJ, yardwork...wow, we are an exciting couple, huh??

I have to say, the real highlight of my weekend was last night. I had coffee with Repo's ex, the girl he cheated on. With me. Yeah, file that under "Things I Never Thought Would Happen".

It all started last week, when I got an email from her on myspace. She apologized to me for everything that happened and wanted to meet for coffee. You could have knocked me over with a feather! I don't think I would've been more shocked if Princess Diana emailed me!

I thought this was very big of her, and I realized it probably took a lot of guts, so I decided to give her the benefit of the doubt and agree to meet her for coffee. More than anything, I was curious to see what she had to say.

All weekend, I had my doubts. What if she was going to beat me up? What if I showed up, and Repo was with her? What if she is working as a double agent for Repo? What if she's just a huge bitch? Why is she doing this???

For those of you who may not know, ever since all the crap went down over a year ago, and I found out I was the "other woman", Repo has been making my life hell -- he has stalked me online, harassed me, left me mean comments and emails, and even tried to break me and CN apart (I won't go into details here). Repo is the main reason this blog is private. And every time I run into Repo, he retaliates. So to make a long story short, I almost live in fear of Repo, because he will stop at nothing to harass me, and I'm tired of it. So yesterday, I was a little worried that I would be inviting all of this crap back into my life.

By the time I got to Starbuck's, the last thing I needed was coffee! I was a bundle of nerves. I got in line and made my order. That's when I heard a tiny voice behind me:

"Virginia?"

I turned around to find a tiny, young girl. My first thought was that she's much prettier in person. And she smelled really good. (Is that a weird thing to say? I dunno.)

"Barbie?" I replied. (Not her real name -- I'll explain in a sec.)

We said hello, and then she proceeded to buy my coffee for me. I thought this was a nice gesture, and thanked her, but it didn't really break the ice. We had about 5 minutes of a very awkward silence as we waited on our coffees.

We grabbed a table and started off with small talk. She told me how the last time she came to Starbuck's, the girl thought her name was Barbie, and we had a good laugh, because her name sounds nothing like "Barbie". We talked about our jobs, our families, our friends and how we have both considered moving away from Columbia at certain points.

I began to relax and realize that she didn't have an agenda. She was not hostile or bitter or bitchy. She was just a naive 23 year old, recent college grad, trying to figure out life after college.

To say I could relate is an understatement. I was sitting across a small table from a 23 year old version of myself. Then, I saw that her hands were shaking, and I have to say, that kind of made my heart melt -- this girl was terrified of me! Of ME! It was so preposterous, I almost laughed about it. All this time, I was worried that she was going to rag me out for "ruining" her relationship with her boyfriend! Or show up with a posse of her friends to beat me up!

After we got to know each other a little bit, she finally opened up to me and gave me the dirt on the good stuff: what happened on her end of things when all the shit hit the fan. It turns out that she and Repo just broke up -- for good, this time -- only a week ago. She wanted to apologize to me about how he behaved and for not believing me when I tried to tell her what was going on. She said that she finally sees him for what he really is and can't believe how stupid she was.

I told her that she's not the first girl he's done this to, and then I proceeded to list off all the crap Repo had put me through, both during and after our relationship. She lit up like a firefly -- she had no idea he was like this to all girls. She thought that it was just her, and I could see the relief on her face. After that, we just compared notes and kept saying, "You too?!" -- because he made us both feel the same way during our relationships, and he did the same things to both of us. She even caught MRSA from him, just like I did.

Then we analyzed his behavior and his life, trying to figure out why he behaves the way he does. She thinks he's bi-polar, and I think he's got some serious narcissism going on. She also told me that his health is not very good -- he's gained a lot of weight, and he sleeps too much and eats nothing but fast food. She said he's been really down lately. We agreed that he had no one to blame but himself, because all he does is hurt people who care about him.

She informed me that he still goes to my gym (CRAP!) and told me he has a new car. She described it to me so that I can keep my eyes peeled. I informed her that assholes like this only make you appreciate the nice guys who do eventually come along -- she's pretty bitter and cynical about love right now, to say the least. I told her that having CN makes it all worthwhile in the end, and that everything is going to be ok. (She is still upset about the break-up. She had tears in her eyes when she was listing all the mean things Repo did to her. So I have to admit, I felt pretty sympathetic towards her. Poor thing.)

I also told her to hold on to her hat, because Repo is probably about to start harassing the bejeezus out of her. She said he'd already started. Oh dear. "No, it's ok, really. This is just karma, getting me. I have had this coming for a long time." -- This launched us into a big discussion about karma and ex-boyfriends, of course.

FOUR hours later, she and I were STILL talking. And I have to admit, I really like her! She's funny and independent and gutsy. It took a lot for her to approach me and apologize to me. She just wanted to make things right, and that meant a lot to me. Of course, now I feel badly about all the things I said about her, but she told me the same thing, so it's all water under the bridge.

You're not going to believe this, but I think I just made a new girlfriend! She even invited me to go shopping with her in Charlotte in a couple of weeks-- I think I will take her up on it. And apparently, we share more than the same taste in ex-boyfriends -- right before we parted, we realized we were wearing the same shoes.

I don't really know how to explain the emotions I am feeling about all of this. Have you ever gone to a funeral and met up with a long-lost relative or friend? It kind of felt like that. Your gut instinct is to be all happy and excited to talk to a nice person, but under the circumstances, you don't really feel like it's appropriate, because the situation that brought you together is sad and serious. And you feel kind of weird talking about anything other than that serious topic.

It was very surreal...but good. I feel really good about all of it.

Gym-Nauseum

Ugh. Going to the gym now makes me want to barf.

Not because working out really hard makes me barf, although that is true.

Not because I'm hating the whole process of getting back in shape -- on the contrary, I am excited about it.

What makes me want to barf when I go to the gym is the fact that every time I cross the threshold, I now risk running into any or ALL of the following former romantic interests*:

Dr. Seuss (a guy I used to date who ended up being a total wack job)
Fed Sucksy (a guy I used to date who stood me up, only to refuse to apologize or explain later-- asshole!)
Small World Guy (a guy I sorta dated for a bit, but there was no spark)

and the two newest additions--

Hot Neighbor (who has moved, btw) and.....

Repo.

Hoo-fuckin'-ray. It's official -- every guy I have dated or liked in this town now goes to my gym. I saw HN there 3 days ago and then ran into Repo last night. Oh. The. Joy.

Look, I know Columbia isn't that big of a city, but DAMMIT does everyone have to join my gym? There are several other gyms they can go to!!!! The true irony is that the only guy I want to see at the gym, CN, goes to a different gym than I do.

What used to be my aerobic oasis, my sanctuary of sweat, has now become a place of dread and awkwardness. It is only a matter of time until I do something to embarrass myself in front of one of them. I have never been known for my athletic abilities, let alone my coordination. I work out with dirty hair, little makeup and old t-shirts! This is not the way I want to look in front of former flames! AAARRRGH.

Oh well. I guess this should motivate me to work out extra-hard, right?

Maybe they are all stalking me. Ha ha!

Ok, yeah, that's probably not the case. I just have bad luck.

My membership runs out in a year. I am counting down the days.

* If you want the back story on these guys, just search this blog for their names. Or click on the tags below.

"L" Ready?

Get it? Har har.

I have a cold, and have been vegging out on my couch. That's why I've been MIA. But I feel a little better today, so I'll give you the weekend re-cap.

Friday night was rather uneventful, but Saturday was super fun.

We (me, KT, VW, CN and Stuck) all surprised MJ for her birthday. She had no idea we were all gathered together at her favorite restaurant to surprise her with a night of drunken debauchery. She thought she was just going out to dinner with VW.

We started at The Blue Marlin for dinner (her favorite restaurant) and had a chocolate-raspberry cake from Chocolate Nirvana Bakery for dessert. Mmmmmm!!!

CN felt awful, because as he and I were taking the cake to the restaurant, he had to slam on his brakes to avoid running a red light, causing the cake to fall off the seat of the car and get a little smushed on one side. He claims I was distracting him from his driving, but I deny this. I was merely wearing a low-cut top and patent leather stilettos. I can't help it if touching up my makeup in the vanity mirror almost causes traffic accidents. ;)

In actuality, he seriously almost killed us! At the last second, I shouted, "Sweetie!! That's a RED LIGHT!" He wasn't paying attention, I guess, because by the time we stopped, we were halfway into the intersection! It was pretty funny, because he teases me for being a crazy driver, but now I just say, "Well, at least I've never almost killed us."

Anyway, MJ didn't mind that her cake was a little smushed. She was just enjoying her birthday. She had no idea we were all surprising her or that we got her an ipod for her birthday.

Little did I know, she was about to give me a small surprise. During the course of the dinner conversation, she proceeds to mention that I was messed up on Vicodin on my first date with CN.

"What?" asked CN.
"Gee, thanks, MJ," I retorted sarcastically.
"You didn't tell him? I thought you told him!" she exclaimed.
"Nope. No I didn't tell him about that. But now I have to, I guess!" I said.
"I am so sorry. I thought you told him!" she said.
"It's ok," I said.

And then I proceeded to confess to CN that I was on Vicodin at the time of our first date, but didn't want to tell him out of fear that he would think I have an addiction to painkillers or something. I was worried that he would be upset, but he wasn't. WHEW!

"Why did you go out with me when you knew you were all messed up? Why not just stay home?" he said.
"Because I knew that if I didn't go out with you, you were the kind of guy who would never ask me out again. I had to say yes!" I explained.
"Oh. Well, that's true. I probably wouldn't have," he conceded.
"See?" I said.

Then I told him how difficult it was for me to get ready and focus on dinner conversation when I'm on Vicodin, and he just laughed. I explained to him why I took it that evening and that I don't do it all the time or anything. I also said that it should show him how much I wanted to go out with him -- I spent a good deal of the night feeling nauseous!

MJ apologized to me later and said that she felt awful for letting the cat out of the bag. But it ended up being no big deal, and now he teases me about it.

We went back to our dinner. The chocolate cake was fantastic. After dinner, we proceeded to get MJ good n drunk.

She only remembers bits and pieces of the evening. She doesn't remember how KT and I made fun of her drunken walking. She doesn't remember sulking and pretending to cry whenever someone didn't do what she wanted. She doesn't remember falling down a couple of times. She doesn't remember flashing most of the crowd at Local's as she climbed up onto the bar to receive her free birthday shot. She doesn't remember crashing into a table and breaking several empty glasses, causing us to get kicked out of Bar None.

Needless to say, we all had a really fun time and didn't get home until about 3am.

That's when I got called out again. (What was it? Pick on VB day??) CN and I were driving home when he asked me a very blunt question.

"Hey, when we were at Local's, and you were all touchy-feely on me, were you only doing that because your ex-boyfriend was there? Because if that's the case, it doesn't make me feel good." he said.

Shit. Ummm.....

You see, as soon as MJ said she wanted to go to Local's, I thought, "Uh-oh. That's where Repo goes all the time. He will probably be there." But I didn't want to protest, because it was MJ's birthday. So I said ok, knowing full well what would happen: If Repo was there, I would probably try to rub it in his face that I am in a very happy relationship now.

That's exactly what happened, and that's exactly what I did.* And now, I was being called out on it. Shit. I totally deserved to be called out. I was immature and selfish and behaved totally inappropriately.

So I told him that I was only human and that yes, that was part of it. I told him I pretty much knew what was going to happen once I got there. But since it was very crowded in there, it was that much easier to be physical on the dance floor. My intentions were only halfway bad.

I can't remember exactly what CN said, but it was along the lines of, "Don't do that again. It made me feel like shit." -- a message I heard loud and clear. Commence massive guilt trip. We agreed that maybe we shouldn't go to Local's anymore. Not only because of Repo, but also because CN started to get a panic attack while we were there -- he doesn't do well with crowds.

At this point, not only was I dealing with a massive guilt trip, but now I was worried that I am going to screw up this relationship with my stupid decisions. I am going to ruin everything, because I am a moron. Crap!

So I told him I was going to take a quick shower, get into my pjs and then come over. He said ok.

Twenty minutes later, we were snuggling and talking in his bed. That's when he told me that he's falling in love with me.

WHAT?

Yeah. With me, the immature girl who uses him to try and make an ex jealous, the girl who takes Vicodin recreationally. Is he crazy? I am obviously a shitty girlfriend!

I said, "Um, really?" -- I was so shocked, this was all I could say. I was practically speechless.

"Yeah. I just haven't felt like this about anyone in a really, really long time. I have very strong feelings for you, and I just wanted to tell you because I think it's good to do that," he said.

Aw.

"But.....Sweetie, we haven't been dating that long. That's kind of...soon. I mean, I am charming, and all...." I joked.

"Yeah, I know. But that's how I feel," he replied.

"I really care about you, too. I mean, I'm not there yet, but I'm definitely on my way....are you mad that I didn't say it back?" I asked, worried. (I don't believe in using the "L" word unless you mean it. And even though I am almost ready to say those three little words, I am not quite there yet.)

"Whoa, I didn't say I was in love with you, just that I feel like I am headed in that direction!" he said.

"Are you back-pedaling???" I giggled.

"No. But I do really really care about you," he said.

Aw. Alright, I'm not sharing the rest of the conversation, because it was entirely too schmoopy and sappy, and it involved me crying, so let's just not go there, ok? Ok. Let's just say that the last bit of it went like this:

CN: Are we just going to sit here complimenting each other all night, or are we going to go to sleep?

Me: Oh. *giggle* Yeah, I guess we should go to bed now. I'm pretty tired, and it's probably like 4am.

*smooch!*
*zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz....*

So what do you think? Was CN back-pedaling? Do you think he's in The Big L with me? Or is it too soon? Was I out of line at Local's? Wouldn't it have been weirder if I had ignored CN when we were at Local's? Will I ever grow up and stop screwing things up with CN? What should I do to remedy this situation/loss of trust? And finally, am I indeed going to Hell? Or do I just deserve to get smacked?

Your thoughts and comments are appreciated, as always, dear readers.

* I would like to add that Repo looked like shit. He has gained so much weight since we broke up and he looked miserable! He looked like he was really down/depressed. He definitely saw me with my new boyfriend, and I could tell it bothered him. Plus, thanks to the grapevine that is Columbia, I'm pretty sure he and his girlfriend broke up. And I can't say that I didn't get a teeny bit of satisfaction from that.....ugh, I am terrible, I know. I'm going to hell. I am slowly learning to accept this fact.

Cinco de Weekend

Gosh, what a fantastic weekend. I had Friday off, so I ran a bunch of errands before meeting up with Butter, one of the Happy Hour girls, for pedicures. She and I had a great time hanging out one-on-one. If things go well, she might be moving in with me when her lease is up in July. After our pedis, we went to my house for a snack before meeting up with E and her boyfriend B. The rest of the Happy Hour crew couldn't make it this week.

The bar where we were was dead, so at 9:30, we all came to the realization that we were all hungry. B mentioned IHOP and off we went. We porked out on pancakes, bacon, sausage, stuffed french toast*, scrambled eggs, hashbrowns and omlettes. Man, was it good.

*OMG, have you ever had this stuff? It is heavenly.

As we were eating, B&E filled us in on the plans for the next day: B and his roommate were having a small Cinco de Mayo party. Planned activities included: a pinata, badminton, darts, horseshoes and dinner at a Mexican restaurant. We were all looking forward to it. E was especially excited, because it meant I would finally be meeting B's roommate. She had been trying to fix us up for weeks. Suddenly, B chimed in and told me that I need to be informed about his roommate's ear.

"Oh yeah? Why?" I asked.
"Well, his right ear is fake. If you bump into it or something, it might fall off," he explained.
"Um, what?" I said.
E started telling B to shut up and knock it off. But he continued on:
"Yeah, he lost it in a freak accident, and now it's a prosthetic that just snaps on and off, kind of like Michael Jackson's nose," he continued.
"Ok, why am I not buying this?" I said, eyebrow raised.
"Don't listen to him, Virginia. He is making it up. His roommate doesn't have a fake ear," E explained.

Apparently, B is somewhat of an instigator/practical joker. I guess that as he had been telling me about his roommate's supposed fake ear, he had been telling his roommate that I had multiple personalities. "Yeah, so when you meet him tomorrow, can you just sort of twitch and then turn into a totally crazy girl named 'Sarah'?" he asked.

"I don't think so, B," I said, chuckling. (Looking back on it now, it would have been fun to play along...)

Then Butter spied an uneaten stack of pancakes. "Are you going to eat those?" she asked B. He said he wasn't. We expected her to just scoot the pancakes towards her, douse them in syrup and go to town. Instead, she grabbed a spoon and said, "Don't you just love butter?" And we all affirmed that yes, we were indeed butter fans. Well, the next thing we know, she scoops up the large hunk of butter and proceeds to eat it. Of course, this totally grossed out the rest of us. We sat, horrified, as she explained to us that as a child, she would sneak into the fridge, grab a stick of butter, and gnaw her way through it. This funny yet disgusting habit is why we now refer to her as Butter.

After gorging out on greasy breakfast food, we all went home early. The next day, I met up with KT for lunch, went for a run (about 3 miles this time, go me!!!) and then got ready to go to the party. I had to follow Butter there since B and his roommate live in a part of town I'm unfamiliar with and I knew that at some point, I would have to go home and let my dogs out.

When I got there, I finally met B's roommate. I'm going to call him Rob Thomas, since that's kinda who he looks like. He a little younger than I am(25), but he's very mature. He's owned his house longer than I've owned mine, and has already fixed up all the interior! It was the cleanest and best-decorated guy's house I've ever been in, actually. He and I hung out in the kitchen, ate some chips and got to know each other a little bit. He struck me as a very well-mannered, sweet and easy to be around kind of guy. We were starting to hit it off. This was going very well.

Not wanting to be anti-social, we rejoined the group. There were only 8 of us, but we had so much fun playing darts, horseshoes and badminton. By 7:30, we were ready to go grab some dinner. As I grabbed my purse, I noticed I had a missed phone call on my cell.

When I saw who it was, my jaw dropped.

Oh....my....God.....why in the hell would this person be calling me??? After everything that happened. After all this time. WHY?

It was Repo's girlfriend's best friend. The same one who was involved when all the drama happend a couple of months ago. My mind was racing: What happened that would cause her to call me after all this time?? I couldn't think of a reason. I toook E and Butter aside and told them what was up. "She probably called you by accident," Butter said. Still, out of curiosity, I called her back -- no answer. I left a message.

Just when we sat down at the restaurant, she called me back. It was really loud inside, so I left and went outside to talk to her. (This probably looked really sketchy to Rob Thomas....I will have to explain this to him when the time is right...)

It turns out that she had called me by accident. But we took the opportunity to catch up. Since she's going to be around this summer, she said we should get together for lunch sometime. I was taken aback. "Really?" I asked, surprised. I had always liked her, and was glad to hear that she didn't hate my guts. "No, why would I hate your guts?" she asked.

"Well....after all that happened....I guess I just hope I didn't cause any problems between you and [Repo's girlfriend]," I said.

"Oh, no. [Repo's girlfriend] would not even care at all if we went to lunch," she explained.

"Really? I would think she must hate my guts, and probably thinks I tried to sabotage her relationship. I just hope she realizes that was not my intent at all and that I got absolutely nothing out of it," I explained.

"Trust me. She realizes that. She has always been grateful to you for telling her what was going on, and she always believed everything you said. She knows you didn't get anything out of it," she continued.

"Huh? You mean all this time, she believed me? I thought no one believed me, and Repo made up a bunch of stuff about me and that she must hate me," I said.

"Oh yeah, she totally believed every word you said. I don't know what Repo said to her, because he and I never talked about the situation, but yeah, she believes you. And so do I. When it happened, I told her that she's my friend and I will always support her, even if she took him back. And she decided to give him another shot. But she's definitely holding back in the relationship because of it," she went on.

"Wow. I had no idea," I replied.

Just before getting off the phone with her, she told me she's not sure, but Repo might still be reading my blog. She advised me to keep that in mind. I told her I would be very surprised if he was still reading this thing. And even if he is, I don't care. I am just happy to finally get some validation and know that I'm not hated or not believed. That has been bugging me! So the phone call definitely made me feel a lot better.

Ok, so back to my weekend. The 8 of us had a wonderful Mexican dinner, with lots of beer and enchiladas and laughing. By this point, there was definitely some chemistry between me and Rob. He bought my dinner, which really surprised me. I thanked him, and then we all drove back to Rob & B's house.

It was starting to get late, and I'd been away from my dogs for about 6 hours. They needed to go out. So I had to leave and take care of them. Since I would have gotten lost on the way back (their neighborhood is a total maze), Rob offered to go with me. Woot!

I was a little concerned that my car was dirty and that my house was kinda dirty (it had been raining that day, so it smelled like wet dogs, and my sink was full of dirty dishes), but there wasn't much I could do about it now. Luckily, he didn't seem to mind. He helped me walk the dogs when we got there.

We had the best conversations in the car. Since I live on the opposite side of town, we ended up having lots of time to talk. We discovered a shared taste in music and politics, which never happens to me. Plus, he likes dogs. So by this point, I was pretty much sold.

By the time we got back, our ranks had dwindled (too much beer at dinner) to 5. We played horseshoes for a while and then re-lived our college days with a beer bong until about 2am. The guys were hysterical, making bets on the horseshoes and trying to convince each other that it was NOT their turn to bong the next beer. Eventually, Rob and I ended up watching tv after everyone else went to bed.

That's when he kissed me.

Chicks, Dicks, Flicks and Licks

I will procrastinate at work here for a moment to update y'all on stuff. Lots of friends, guy stuff, movies and eating this weekend! So it was good.

Friday night was the usual happy hour with the Happy Hour Girls. It turns out that Columbia is indeed a teeny-tiny town. So tiny, in fact, that I'm starting to know some of my friends through 2 different people. I was talking to one of the HH Girls (I guess I should assign them names eventually...) and she says, "Oh, have you met my friend L?" and I turn around. It was L, a girl I've known for almost 5 years. I was pleased to see that The Frigid Snoot was not with her. (I am thinking they might not be attached at the hip any more--this is the 2nd time I've run into her without Frigid Snoot operating as an extension of L's body.) We laughed at how small Columbia is, figured out how we both knew the HH Girls, and then caught up. She told me how her husband's doing--he's currently in Iraq. We talked about work stuff and she let me pick her brain. As we were talking, it turns out we were both pulled over on the same street, on the same week, probably by the same cop for the same type of speeding ticket. Weird.

Speaking of which, I am going to court after work today. I think my ticket will be lowered to a 2 pointer, which is good. Ugh, I hate going to court. I start shaking because I'm terrified of judges. They're so.....authoritative. And serious.

Oh, one other thing happened on Friday night. I met a cute guy. Now, before everyone wets their pants, just calm down. Nothing happened. Big surprise, right? Ok, background:

I'm enjoying HH. I keep making accidental eye contact with a guy. (Was it accidental? Coincidental? Intentional? I don't know. But every time I looked up, we seemed to be looking at each other. Mmmm. Cute. Tall. Brown eyes...) As the evening progresses, I realize he knows one of the HH Girls. I'll call her Talker. He's friends with Talker's boyfriend D. I ended up being introduced to him and talking to him for about 2 minutes before I got sidetracked into another conversation. A few minutes later, I look up and see him walking out with D.

D'Oh! Way to mess that one up....

So I got the scoop from Talker later. She said nothing but good things about this guy. He seems really nice and smart. She said she'd put in a good word for me. I'm sure he knows where to find me if he wants to talk to me again. I'm not holding my breath. I didn't have enough contact time to determine anything.

Speaking of hotties, Hot Neighbor was out of town all weekend, so I have NO updates for you on that.

Saturday, I made KT's birthday cheesecake. It took FOREVER. I think about 4 hours. But man, it was good. I'll post the recipe if I ever remember to! It had an oreo crust, a layer of chocolate and caramel melted together, then a layer of crushed up heath bars, then the cheesecake layer, and then more heath bar crunchies. MMMMM. If you eat too much, it will give you a tummy ache. I am speaking from experience, here, people.

After MJ and I sang "Happy Birthday" to KT, we went to eat at Za's Pizza, which is mega-delicious. Then we were off to Flying Saucer to see 88 Rewind play. It is always a good time, catching their covers of 80s songs. Seriously, every town should have an 80s cover band. But I digress. MJ's old roommate, S, joined us, which is great because she's really funny. Then MJ acquired a friend who didn't seem to get the hint that none of us were interested in talking to him. (She's much nicer than I am!) We thought he'd left at one point, but he came back with shots of Patron for everyone. Based on the looks on my friends' faces, Patron is disgusting. After that, I was pooped, so I went home. MJ and KT went on without me to go salsa dancing, but I guess they didn't have any luck.

Saturday night, I had a dream about Repo. I dreamt that it was St. Patty's Day and I had to get up to go party with MJ and KT. I was in a bedroom, which looked a lot like my little sister's room. I was waking up and still in bed when Repo and his girlfriend barged in.

I don't think she said much, but I remember she was really rude in my dream. She started fixing her hair and makeup at the dresser, and I proceeded to quiz Repo.

I asked him all about his relationship with his girlfriend. Did he tell her the truth? Yes. Didn't she get mad? No. She didn't get mad??? Really?? Nope. Was he cheating on her? Yes. Did he cheat on me? Yes. And she seriously wasn't mad??? No. [Gotta love the illogicality of dreams, right???] Then he tells me they are getting married. Keep in mind, he and I are rough-housing during this entire conversation-- I don't know why. But we are sort of wrestling on the bed. He thought we were kidding around, but I was actually pissed off in my dream and consciously trying to hurt him. Apparently, I am a weakling, even in my subconscious, because I couldn't hurt him.

At one point, we stop talking and he tells me I can slap him. I said, "Really? Like, hard?" and he said, "Yup." So I then proceeded to slap the shit out of him three times. I hit him as hard as I could. It didn't seem to hurt him, but it certainly made me feel better.

Then I woke up. DANG! I was hoping I'd get to punch him or stomp on him or something. I guess my subconscious had some violence it had to get out or something. Wanting to get that dumb dream out of my head, I got up, drank some coffee and started watching movies.

I watched Night at the Roxbury, Talladega Nights and The Sweetest Thing. At this point, I was in denial that it was almost 2pm and I was still in my pjs. The first two movies crack me up because I have a tendency to share humor with 12 year old boys. The latter is one of my favorite chick flicks because it's not corny, sad, cheesy or full of kissing. It also accurately represents a lot of my real-life friendships (the teasing, the inside jokes, the crazy road trips, etc.) so I just love it. If you haven't seen this movie, you must, ladies. Make sure you watch the extras on the DVD, because they sing a penis song that is hysterical.

Then I ran some errands, baked another birthday cake for a coworker and went to Outback Steakhouse with Healthy Girl, Nurse P and Brunette. MMMMMM....steak.

Tonight I have to make yet another cake for a pot luck we are having at work tomorrow. (I signed up for cake before I realized how many I'd be making! I feel like Sara Lee or something.)

Hello? Fun Friday?

Ok, Blogger just made me switch. I had no choice, I promise! The good news is, now I can put labels on my posts, like "Why I'm Weird" or "Freakishly Long Toes" or "Asshole". Cool!

I'm all about organization.

The bad news? I'm worried this messed up my RSS feed. So if you're used to getting me via your feed reader, and this blog isn't feeding anymore, please tell me so I can throw a hissy.

So today I'm wondering just how bad this month can get. Not only do I and some of my friends have man problems, (seriously, was there an Asshole Convention or something??) but last night I got pulled over. Oh wait, the cop was a man. I'll just add him to the list, too. Whoop-de-friggin do.

Like a complete moron, I was going 50 in a 35. (I was so hungry, all I was thinking about was eating. I know, so lame. He didn't buy it either. But I was seriously starved!) So I wasn't paying attention. Now I'm looking at 4 points and $180 if I don't show up at my court date. If I do show up, he'll "help me out", whatever the hell that means. He'll change it to 2 points? Lowered fine? He'll go fuck himself?

Guess I'll find out. But what I want to know is, why not just lower the damn points now??? It's not like I'm not going to show up. Just save everyone some trouble and do it now, jerkface.

When he was writing me the ticket, all I could think was, "OMG, this is karma in action! This is what I get for ratting out Repo!!!!" And then I thought, "Well, if so, then this is worth it."

But now I'm thinking this is maybe what I get for telling Cop 2 I didn't see it going anywhere??

Karma is one mysterious bitch. With a lot of explaining to do.

Anyway, TGIF. This week was the longest week ever. It just dragged for me. But now it's weekend time! I have lots of plans with all my wonderful girls. I just love them all to death. So I'm excited. Oh, I just remembered I have new shoes I can wear, too. *happy sigh*

K is out of town, so Sammy and I have the house to ourselves. Aside from playing with my iPod and retrospectively labeling all my posts (shut up, I am anal) , I'll clean the pigsty that is my room, catch up on some episodes of Rome, use up the rest of my disposable camera and hit the gym.

Why am I telling you this? See, I told you my life is pretty ho-hum right now. I apologize. To make up for it, I have some Fun Friday links for you:

Ask a Ninja (too freakin' funny! Plus, you can download episodes from iTunes)

Sticker Giant (If you like Cafe Press, you'll love this one. Click on "Fridge Magnets" and then "Retro Funny"-- you will die. My favorite? "Your proctologist called. They found your head.")

Bored with your playlist? Want to see what other people are listening to? Check out fitPod. It has tons of playlists you can check out so your next workout won't be so boring. Also check out FIQL for playlists of all types. They have even more.

Finally, I am sharing a video with you. Not surprisingly, what I find funny is usually not appropriate at work or around children. If this doesn't bother you either, then you have something in common with Margaret Cho, too.



Have a good weekend, guys!!!

A Lot of Balls

Repo update: She took him back. Which was in some ways surprising, and in other ways not. I was cheated on when I was her age, so I know how hard it is to admit it to yourself. And cheaters are very charming and persuasive people, capable of selling a refrigerator to an Eskimo. He's got balls for lying about it and taking the gamble that she'll never figure it out or believe him. One day she'll figure it out. And he'll get what's coming to him. There's no escaping karma.

Thanks to everyone for leaving supportive comments. It means a lot to me.

And whomever "Anonymous" is, they definitely need to work on their reading comprehension skills.

But enough about that. There's nothing I can do about the situation, so there's no point in obsessing about it anymore.

I had a really good weekend with my girlfriends. Friday I met up for happy hour at Wild Wings with my friends W & E. They were also meeting up with a goup of about 8 other people--none of whom I had ever met. Everyone was really friendly, but due to the size of the group, I ended up sitting at one end of the table with W, E and W's Boyfriend. I began talking to W's Boyfriend about jock straps and how I have questions about them. This discussion morphed into a discussion about balls, which led me to share the information that in college I had dated a guy with three balls. (Ironically, it was the guy I referred to above--the one who cheated on me).

Every time I bring up the fact that I've dated a guy with three balls, I get asked the following questions:

1. Did they all work? Yes, he had them tested by a doctor. Or so he said.

2. Were they all the same size? Yes.

3. Did he have extra spunk? I honestly don't remember. I think so...

4. How were they arranged? He had two on one side, stacked on top of each other and a loner on the other side.

I hope I just answered all your questions. Anyway, I'm talking about this 3-Balled guy, and somehow the story drifts all the way down the table. As I'm still talking to W's Boyfriend about it, I am tapped on my shoulder. I turn towards the rest of the group. Now, keep in mind that I haven't even really been introduced to any of these people. Don't really know them from Adam. And as I turn my head, I discover that all 8 or so of them are staring at me, and they are all shouting the same thing-- "He had THREE BALLS?"

"Yeah," I replied, "He had the biggest nut sack I've ever seen in my life!"

And they all cracked up.

Then they asked the obligatory questions (see above) and we all laughed about it. The men at the table teased me incessantly for the rest of the night. "You must have the gag reflex of a porn star!" one of them said.

"Oh God," I thought, my face turning beet red.

And then I realized I had just told 8 strangers about my experience with 3-Ball. And now, since they didn't know my real name, I would probably be referred to as "Ball Girl". Super. Way to make a first impression, VB.

After a while, W, W's Boyfriend, E and I left and went to Jillian's. There, we continued the discussion about balls, which morphed into a discussion about how to avoid being thought of as a tease by men. How to communicate that you want a fling vs. a relationship. And how to date significantly younger men successfully, because they are easily confused by older women in the fling vs. relationship department. It was a very heated discussion, let me tell you. We ribbed E a lot, because she has been sending mixed signals to a younger guy.

Then I left to meet up with MJ and KT at The Hunter-Gatherer (great name for a bar, huh?) to see one of our favorite bluegrass bands, Loch Ness Johnny. Unfortunately, the lead singer had recently had back surgery, so there was a (far inferior) substitute band. After quick updates on our lives, we tried to figure out where we should go to get away from this awful band. But after about 15 minutes of vetoed ideas, we were out of alternative bars. By then, I was exhausted and MJ and KT were also ready for bed. So we called it a night.

Saturday was spent running errands and figuring out my whole iPod situation. My computer wasn't recognizing it or charging it. According to the lady at Best Buy and mysmileisfake (thank you, btw), I probably had 1.0 USB ports, when I really needed 2.0. So I bought a 2.0 USB port.

When I got home, I saw that Navy Guy had come for a visit. (That's my roommate's on-again, off-again boyfriend.) I love Navy Guy. He is just a total sweetheart. He showed me how to install it all by myself, which saved me $40. It was so easy! He also told me why my computer is so slow- I need more RAM. He showed me how to install that for whenever I bought it.

So we plugged my iPod in again. Nothing happened. K plugged her MP3 player in, and it worked fine. We decided it was a faulty iPod, so I returned it and got another one. It is working perfectly! I can't believe it. I'm going to go home and play with it after work today.

I was too tired to go out Saturday night, so I watched Season One of HBO's Big Love. It is my new favorite show. Love it.

Last night, I met up with The Nurses for the Superbowl. We went to The Dam Bar (It's right by the Lake Murray Dam, hence the name) and got a booth. Unfortunately, our seats were bad and none of us could see the tvs very well. By halftime, we gave up and all went home. I fell asleep before the game was over, so I didn't know the Colts won until this morning. I'm happy, though.

Dumped!!

I'm tired. I am going on about 4 hours of sleep right now. My tummy feels funny. I have a headache. And I'm starving. This is all a direct result of yesterday's events. (See last post).

Stress makes me not want to eat. So food in general doesn't seem very appealing to me. It seems I should be thinking, "Hey! In that case, I should be eating healthy, low-cal stuff, like salad!" Alas, I fear there is nothing on earth that would ever make me actually want a salad. *gags*

In the past 24 hours, I've eaten about half of what I normally do. According to my scale, I've lost 4 pounds in one day. But I know that can't be right, so I am saying I've only lost two. Gotta love the stress diet.

To make it even sweeter, Repo got dumped yesterday. As a consequence, I was also deleted from his friends list. (F**ker beat me to it.) I can't say that I wasn't happy to hear the news. I grinned like an idiot all afternoon. I wouldn't be human if I wasn't happy to hear it. Now I am left with pity for the girlfriend and resentment towards him. I've definitely had 100% closure at this point. I hope his dick falls off, to be perfectly honest. At least then, he would start thinking with his brain and possibly do something productive with his life.

But you know what? I'm done. Done talking about him, thinking about him, spending energy on him. I've done that entirely too much already. He's not worth my time or my energy. So I'll change the subject. He is dead to me.

I bought an iPod Shuffle the other day. One of the tiny clip-on ones, so I can use it at the gym. But my computer won't recognize that there is new hardware. And iTunes won't, either. I think that this is because my home computer is about 4 years old, and the USB ports aren't the right kind. So it's not even charging. Grrrrr....

Any iPod experts out there? Can anyone help me? Should I buy a charger and charge the iPod first and then try again on my computer? Or should I just return it/think about getting a new computer? I don't want to do my iTunes on my work computer for several reasons which I won't get into right now.

I'd love to get a new home computer, but I'd also like a new mattress set, a savings account, slipcovers for my couch, less credit card debt, brakes for my car....I could go on and on. So a new computer is both expensive and non-necessary. Besides, if I do get one, I'd want a laptop, which is even more expensive. (Can anyone recommend one, while I'm on the subject?)

I think this is where gambling addictions come from. Because lottery ticket investment is sounding good to me right now. I just need about $10k and I would be set.

Surprisingly, the first thing I would do if presented with $10k right now would be to take a friggin nap. I'm exhausted. I went out from 9am to 1am last night. I had fun, but I'm hating life today. Headache, stomach ache...etc. Just from stress and exhaustion. I went to Wild Wings downtown to meet up with Nurse P for a quick drink. But the 90s cover band, Tokyo Joe, was so loud, it was bothering my headache and my queasy stomach. So I said goodbye to her and went to meet up with MJ at a jazz/cigar bar called The Speakeasy. They had a Sinatra-ish/Big Band type band. Much kinder to my head, and quiet enough for me to fill MJ and KT in on The Repo Situation. They were shocked and appalled by his behavior, and very supportive of my decision. Then we chain smoked and bashed him for about a half hour.

This is why I love my girlfriends.

We decided to go back to Wild Wings because although I currently despise men, there were a lot of cuties there. I can hate and still look. Soon I was so hungry, my stomach was growling and my hands were shaky. I was not feeling well at all. It was bedtime.

So I collapse into my bed, thinking, "Oh, I'm so tired, I should fall right to sleep." Nope. Insomnia. Going over and over in my head all of what had happened that day. Getting worked up about it and feeling guilty and angry and depressed. And I was too hungry to sleep because my stomach was growling, but too lazy to get up and do something about it. So I just tossed and turned until I fell asleep about 45 minutes later.

I think I'm going to go home early. As in, in the next 10 minutes. Blech.

But let me tell you my weekend plans: tonight I'm meeting up with my girls W & E for happy hour again. We did it last week, too, and I just love these two chicks to pieces. We have a lot to catch up on! Then I'm meeting up later with MJ so we can go see our favorite bluegrass band, Loch Ness Johnny.

I think I have plans for Saturday, but I'm too tired to remember what they are right now. If you are reading this, and you are planning on hanging out with me sometime tomorrow, you're going to have to give me a reminder call. Obviously.

Sunday is, of course, The Superbowl. I know MJ will hate me, but I'm rooting for The Colts. (To my credit, I was rooting for Da Bears until the Colts won!) Nurse P and Brunette are coming to my house to watch the game and help me get rid of my leftover beer.

Ugh, ok, I'm done. Naptime......

Drama!!

For those of you who think my posts this week have been kind of boring, do not fear. This one's juicy.

Trust me.

And I don't really care who reads this or what they think. I'm going to lay it all out on the line. The whole truth and nothing but. I'm not holding back on this one. (See? I told ya this was juicy.)

So this morning I was on myspace. (Some of you are groaning already, I can hear you!) By browsing around on some friends' and friend-of-friends' pages, I managed to put two and two together:

My ex-boyfriend has a girlfriend. That's right. Repo is dating someone.

After about 45 minutes of crying and some phone calls and emails to my wonderfully supportive friends (you know who you are), I felt like I was going to hurl.

Was I hurt? You betcha. I was crushed. He'd rather be with someone else. Enough to date her and refer to her as "girlfriend". I had always secretly hoped we would get back together, because honestly, my feelings for him never really went away. We still talk and flirt. My ego was majorly bruised-- I had always hoped I'd be the first to find someone, the first to officially move on. I know he hasn't always been Mr. Perfect by any wild stretch of the imagination, but you can't help whom you love. So this was kind of a blow.

Then again, it's not like I didn't realize today was going to happen eventually. I wish that knowing that would help you prepare, but it doesn't. It's still upsetting.

So I was crying and feeling hurt about it, until I thought..."Hey...wait a second..."

[Ok, this is the part that is really hard for me to admit on my blog...because to be honest, I'm pretty ashamed of myself...so be kind, peeps. I know what I've done is stupid.]

My wheels started turning. You see, the thing is, I've been sleeping with him on and off since we broke up last July. As recently as a couple of weeks ago. He's told me he misses me, he's lonely, thinks about me, etc. The whole spiel. (He gave me the spiel in Oct-Nov-ish. It was mushy enough to keep me going and believing that something might actually happen between us again one day.)

So for me to read that he has a girlfriend, my first thought is obviously, "Ok, how long have they been dating? And how do I find out?"

A mutual friend, of course. I texted her.

Well, it turns out that he's been dating the girl since early October. Yeah...so I have been The Other Woman for 4 months. This is not how I roll. I am not cool with this at all. I felt terrible about unknowingly being "that girl". His poor girlfriend probably had no idea! He'd been lying to me about being single all this time. (Every time he came over, it would come up and we would ask each other if we were dating anyone. He told me every time he was single. Not dating anyone.) He had been lying to her. Making both of us look like idiots. (When really, I can make a complete idiot out of myself, by myself. I don't need any help in that department!!)

That's when I started to get pissed off. Which, as my fellow females know, feels a helluva lot better than feeling hurt. I was mad at him for lying to me, lying to her, putting me and her in these positions, making fools out of us, thinking we were stupid and one of us wouldn't figure it out, thinking that I would cover for him...the list went on and on.

Did I mention he talked shit about a girl we both know because she cheated on her boyfriend???? So he's a hypocrite to boot.

Asshole. Just typing that makes me so pissed at myself for even dating him in the first place. I've had adreneline surging throught my veins since about 11:30am! Where was I? Oh yeah.

So I'm talking to the mutual friend, trying to find out how long they've been dating. "Why?" she asks. Believing that the girlfriend was only an acquaintance of hers, I inform her that I think Repo has been cheating on his girlfriend. With me.

"That asshole! That's my best friend!" she replied.

Oh boy. Well, shit. Me and my big mouth. I thought she just knew the girl, I didn't know they were friggin best friends. Now the cat was out of the bag. Oops. I hadn't planned on telling the girlfriend, but it was really too late for that. (Then again, I wasn't going to lose any sleep over it, either. He's an asshole and brought all of this upon himself.)

"What should we do?" we both asked.

"She should hear it from you so she gets it from the horse's mouth," she said.

"No one wants to hear that from a stranger! Tell her to call me if she wants to and I will tell her everything she needs to know. And tell her I am sorry and that I would never ever do that to someone if I knew."

She said she'd tell the girlfriend and call me back. She did, and they called me. The three of us talked about it--they asked me questions, I gave them information--where, when, what he said, what I knew, what I didn't know, etc. Lots of details. I told her I was really sorry to be the bearer of bad news, but no one wants to be the last to know or be made a fool. I told her that although I wasn't as hurt as she probably was, that I was also hurt by him. He had lied to both of us. I apologized to her because I never ever would have done what I did had I known he was dating someone. I told her I asked him several times if he was dating someone and he said he wasn't. I said I knew no one likes hearing all of this, especially from a stranger, but she should probably know. She said she was sorry too. But she thanked me and got off the phone.

A little bit later, she texted me to say that he was denying everything and blaming the whole thing on me. Saying that I was just causing trouble. She apologized for the way he was behaving. I told her not to believe him, because he was putting lies on top of lies. I told her I have proof -- because I do. (Seriously, what a moron! Just fess up! The show's over! You've been called out. Try and save a little bit of dignity!! Own up to your faults like a man!)

Then she said something very interesting: "He has MRSA right now. Do you think he caught it from you?"

[Note to new readers: Repo and I have been suffering from MRSA, a staph infection. We seem to keep giving it back and forth to each other. One doctor did say that it could have been passed through "close, personal, skin-on-skin contact" -- ie, sex. But no one really knows for sure how we caught it or why it keeps coming back. You can read the backstory here. And here. And here.]

Well, the funny thing is, the last MRSA outbreak I had was back in October, just a day after he and I had hooked up. (We had a lull in the booty calls between November and December. So we only seem to be catching MRSA in months where we are hooking up.) Interesting coincidence. So I am thinking that maybe he and I really are just giving it back and forth to each other. I told her there isn't any way to be sure, but that I had caught it from him before, and so maybe he had now caught it from me. I said that it was a possibility.

I don't know if she believes me. She probably hates me. Can't really say I blame her. I can tell she is sorry this whole situation is even taking place. We both apologized to each other a few times. I feel really bad about the timing, too--right before Valentine's Day. But better now than later, right? I mean, if I were being cheated on, I would definitely want to know, ASAP. And although I didn't plan on doing this (I was going to gather information and think about it for a while before making up my mind), I do think he ought to be ashamed of himself. Running all over town, hurting people and lying to them. Talking shit about people who are doing the same thing he's doing! Mr. High and Mighty. When we broke up, he told me he "just didn't have time for a relationship." Well, that's pretty funny, because for the past 4 months, he's had time for TWO at the same time. But the lying and lack of concern for how his actions affect others is what really gets under my skin. And then denying it when he's called out!!!! What a spineless asshole!!!

I don't know if she believed me or not. But based on the extremely pissed off text messages I received from Repo about an hour ago, I can only assume he's in hot water. He thinks I'm "psycho" and "ruining his life". But I didn't intend to start shit. I was just trying to get some info. By the time I got it, it was too late. And to be honest, I won't lose any sleep over it. He has no one to blame but himself. Now three women hate him.

I let him have it, too, when he started giving me shit. I asked him if he had cheated on me, too. Asked him if his mother would be proud of him. Told him he was a hypocrite and an asshole. I think I called him an asshole twice.

I am so glad we broke up. Because if we were still dating, he would probably be cheating on me with her. Now I see him for who he really is. As far as closure goes, this pretty much does it for me.

I am honestly starting to believe men are total scumbags. All of them (except my brothers and my guy pals, that is!).

People wonder what makes women crazy. Or why they are bitches. They wonder why some women are bitter or have attitudes. This is why. I'm pretty much done with men. For a long while. They won't be missed. I am on strike. The whole damn gender can kiss my ass. I don't care if Julian McMahon hits on me. I'll throw the drink in his face and tell him to go...well, you know.

Ok, I need to cool off and go read some blogs until it's 9pm. Then I'm meeting up w/MJ for drinks. We're going to have a bitch-a-thon about how much we hate men. Her day was pretty close to mine. We're both pretty anti-male right now.

It's That Time Again

It's time for family, fun, long lines, music, gifts, travel, menstruation and service with a smile. Yeah, this post is gonna be kinda random. Hang in there with me.

For good or for bad, the holidays are here. Where I work, that means we are really busy, thanks to end-of-semester exams. Which is fine. I understand. After all, I was once a college student. But I have to say, I am on the verge of screaming at someone.

The procrastinators and lazy students finally have a fire under their asses, and so they are swarming the library like bees. Unfortunately, since they've been slackers all semseter, they have no idea what they are doing, and so they are driving us crazy. They don't know how to find books, read books or tie their shoes. They don't have any knowledge of our computers or printing system, so they want us to hold their hands and do everything for them. Remember, we are getting the lazy slacker kids at this point in the semester.

Probably the most irritating thing to me is that they don't have any school supplies. I mean, how do you attend school and you have nothing to write with? WTF? Do you look in the mirror and call yourself an adult college student? Where did you read that the librarians will just give you floppy disks? What makes you think we would have report covers? Seriously, I just don't get this mentality. Students: there is this place called a "bookstore". Try it sometime. They have lots of handy stuff there. I swear to all things holy that if one more person asks me if they can borrow our glue, I might actually rip their head off. "Glue THAT, mofo!" I will scream. The library is not your own personal Staples, people. We don't even have glue, you numbnuts.

Ok, rant over. I feel better now.

I will feel a lot better when my new digital camera gets here. I'm supposed to allow 3 weeks for delivery, but it's been about 2 now, so I'm getting antsy. I'm also waiting on some boots from Victoria's Secret (an exchange of boots) and some deliveries from Amazon.com.

Check out what I got for my bedroom, courtesy of the gift certificate from The Dummy and Modigli:



Don't they have nice taste? They knew exactly what I wanted. *sigh* I love green. You probably already knew that.

Yesterday, the Christmas bug hit me, and I got four (yes, four) Christmas CDs. I burned one from Napster that has all my favorites on it. The Bing Crosby ones make me cry. (More evidence that I'm turning into Czarina) Other songs include: "Jingle Bell Rock", "Rockin' Around the Christmas Tree", Mariah Carey's "All I Want for Christmas" and Elvis' "Blue Christmas".

Then I went to Amazon.com to look for a hard-to-find Christmas album. I have been looking for it for a long time. It is my absolute favorite, because my dad and I used to listen to it: Ray Conniff's We Wish You a Merry Christmas. On the corniness scale, it's basically off the charts. In most of the songs, there is this cheesy peanut gallery in the background shouting, "Merry Christmas, everybody!" or "Hey, Guys! Let's decorate the Christmas tree! Yeah!" They sound like they've had entirely too much sugar and/or caffeine. You almost want to blow them away with a shotgun. And I love that. Because when it comes to holiday music, the goofier the better in my book.

I also got the soundtrack to one of my all-time favorite movies: Love, Actually. I highly recommend this movie and soundtrack. If you haven't seen it, run run run to the store, folks. It's a great Christmas movie. Although, not appropriate for kids. FYI. Unless you are ok with your kids watching people play body doubles for a porno.

So what did I do this weekend? It was pretty uneventful. Some Christmas shopping. Too much tv. Baked some pumpkin bread. Some furniture assembling. Yawn. But I did go out on Saturday night. Blonde and I ended up partying with a mutual friend of ours. We hadn't ever partied with her one-on-one, and she is a scream. We laughed our asses off all night. Any night a life-sized statue of Jack Daniel gets humped and molested is deemed a fun night in my book. So I will dub her Fun Girl. Later on, I saw Mack Daddy and the rest of the Wild Youngins, Cop 2's brother (The Quiet Man), RDG and even Repo as I was leaving to go home.

It was a full moon, what can I say?

Repo called me the next day and we caught up. The Quiet Man emailed me a very sweet email. Too sweet, actually. He apparently has the same tendencies as his brother....too bad. (Trust me on this. I can smell the clinginess and ickiness, practically. At this point, I am wondering if their mother hugged them as children. They are so...gushy. Ew. I do not come from a gushy family. I come from a family which totally represses its emotions, unless the emotion is anger. Gush makes my skin crawl.)

I found out that my brother, Fat Dog, is going to go to an all-expenses-paid trip to Honolulu next summer. Why? His senior paper on jet turbine engines (or something equally geeky like that) is being presented at some mechanical engineering conference, and his school wants him there to present it. He's always getting lucky breaks like this. To quote my coworker, he has "a horseshoe up his ass." Seriously, the coolest things happen to him. I wish it would rub off on me! Luck should be genetic...

Speaking of trips, I am going to Orlando on Saturday. Work conference. Woo hoo. It's actually kinda cold in Florida right now, so I don't know how much I will get to enjoy the weather. Still haven't decided if I will tell Big Ex I'm going to be in town. I don't really see the point. But I guess it would be good to see him. What do you think? Let sleeping dogs lie or meet up with an old boyfriend just for old times' sake? Remember that I am a lot fatter than the last time he saw me. Then again, I bet he is, too. I'm also going to see Party Girl, an old friend from college while I'm there.(I am really excited about this, actually! She used to be my partner in crime in college. She is 100% responsible for all of my stage/bar/tabletop dancing. The boob-flashing was all me. Kidding. Good times...)

Special note to my male readers: You are probably going to want to skip the next part. It deals with women's troubles. No, not men. Yes, I know we always complain that men are the problem. Just skip it, ok? Go down to the Men with Cramps part. We'll meet you there.

I got a very random email today, wanting to know if I'd be interested in entering an essay contest held by Always. As in the panty liners. Yeah. They are looking for essays discussing how you make your period happy. How you can turn a bad situation into a good one. Optimism in the face of menstruation, I guess. What on earth can you say? "You're no match for my cheery disposition, cramps!" or "Sometimes, when I'm menstruating, I feel sad. But then, I think about butterflies and puppies and it all goes away." I mean, the only good thing about being OTR is that you have license to be a total bitch. That's it. The end. They want me to write a 1,000 word essay about that? Who on earth would read it? Although, if they want me to share wacked-out stories of my bizarre hormonal behavior, I can write a book:

"The driver of the other car thought it would be ok with me if they pulled out in front of me. Little did they know that their brains and other internal organs would soon be smashed all over the pavement, as I stood nearby, laughing heartily. After throwing the cops off my path with my claim of "female troubles" affecting my memory of the car 'accident', I arrived home, grabbed a tub of chocolate ice cream from the freezer and turned on the television just in time to catch the end of Old Yeller, upon which I burst into total and uncontrollable sobbing. Then I ate the entire tub of ice cream in 20 minutes before taking a 7-hour nap. It was a wonderful day. I love being on my period."

Do they have a contest quota to meet? They must be hard up for participants if they're emailing me. No surprise there. Can you imagine putting that on your resume or college application? "Winner: Always Essay Contest-- How to Have a Happy Period" Can you imagine what the judges will be saying?

Judge #1: "I really liked this one about how she views her period as an art form!"
Judge #2: "No, no. The best one was the one where the woman said she commits one random act of kindness for every cramp she has. That takes real dedication."

Little do the judges know that those women are probably referring to some major ass-kickings they've inflicted upon ignorant people who irritate them just by breathing the same air? That in their own, hormone-juiced brains, they honestly believed that slapping that stranger until their nose bled was a charitable act which probably improved the nation as a whole?

The kicker are the prizes, which include a selection of Always products (because who doesn't want a big box of pads shipped to their house for free?) and $1,000 towards college expenses. Because apparently, only college students can have happy periods. The prize they should have would be this: "The winner of the contest will receive a free job from a hit man of our choosing, all fees, concealment, body disposal and taxes included." Now that would get them some essays.

Ironically, I found this website today: Men with Cramps. Maybe men need to think twice before giving us shit about our hormones? Maybe men should also be allowed to enter the Always contest? According to Dr. Quack here, men also get PMS. He's even linking major events in world history to this male PMS syndrome. What a genius he is. I mean, look at his hair. He's totally trustworthy. I smell Nobel Prize.

So let's all just remember the real meaning of the holiday spirit: brotherly love, peace and harmony on Earth. If reaching this goal involves some bloodshed or rage, it's probably because of all the people with PMS who are under a lot of pressure, trying to think of something to write for their essay. Unfortunately, none of us are safe, because you can't tell they're pissy until it's too late. So be careful out there, folks. Use your turn signals and don't ask librarians if you can borrow their hole puncher.
And as ticked off as you get around the holiday season, just remember that in this day and age, you never know who could be watching. So watch out, or you could end up on the Internet like this German kid:

Quick Recap

I was sick all weekend. I had a migraine which still hasn't gone away--it's going on 3 days now. Well, it's mostly gone, but there are lingering throbs inside my skull. And nausea.

I also have nausea from the antibiotics I'm on. Why am I on antibiotics? I have Ass Abscess #3! Woo-hoo! Not. Did I tell you that Czarina is convinced it's an STD? Seriously, she won't let it go. I think she is saying it to make me feel bad about not being in the V Club anymore. Sort of a "See? This is what you get for giving up your virginity!" -- when, actually, she is being stubbornly ignorant of the fact that this is a staph infection that was originally contracted in the emergency room. It's not an STD at all. She refuses to believe me. Or the doctor, who told me there is no way it is an STD, but probably contracted through unwashed hands. Grrrr....mothers.

So I have felt like crap since Friday afternoon. My head hurts. My ass hurts. I want to barf. I'm going home to go to bed.

But before I do that, let me tell you a couple of cool things:

1. I am meeting with a mortgage guy today who says I have qualified for a below-market interest rate!!! I think it is a program from the State Housing Authority. Wish me luck. Pray I don't barf on him.

2. Speaking of barfing, I barfed this weekend when I was out. A bunch of my friends got together at J-Rich's house to watch the Carolina game (we beat Kentucky!) and then we went out afterwards. Even though I didn't feel good, I went out anyway. To try and ease the pain of my migraine, I popped two more Excedrins. This is a bad idea, and I thought it might be. Excedrin has aspirin in it, and if I take a 2nd dose in one day, it makes me barf. I thought I would be golden, since I had eaten, but not so much. So after that happened, I went home. [Note to self: Never, under any circumstances, is your tummy cool with a 2nd dose of Excedrin.]

3. But before I went home, I did give my number to Cop 2 (nicknamed this only to avoid confusion with my ex, The Cop). Cop 2 is the brother of JD, a guy pal of mine. Somehow, I had never met JD's brothers. Cop 2's really easy to talk to and a lot of fun. We talked on the phone last night for a while. He's taking me out on Wednesday after Sammy's dog class. Woo-hoo! Go me. I can get guys when I'm sick. Awesome. (I guess the bets are off on me not getting a date until December!)

4. So after I got sick and was leaving to go home, Cop 2's other brother (yes, there are three), the Quiet Man, was nice enough to walk me to my car--I really appreciated that, actually, because 5 Points isn't the safest part of town. Cop 2 thought I had already left, so he was actually talking to someone and didn't see me when the Quiet Man walked up to me and offered to walk me to my car. So I'm waiting to cross the street with Quiet Man, and he grabbed the tips of my fingers. Like a half-way hand holding. Weird. Awkward. Didn't know what to do.....so I just sorta squeezed back, made some quick, nervous small talk and then dropped his hand when we crossed the street. I don't know if he did it on purpose, or if he had accidentally brushed up against my hand and I misinterpreted things....we had talked for a little while, but it wasn't very flirty or anything...then again, he's the quiet one of the family. I don't think he knows I have a date with his brother this week! He did message me on myspace to see if I was feeling better, which I thought was very sweet. Interpretations, anyone? I can usually figure out male behavior, but this one is weird.

Sorry if this post is hard to understand. Like I said, I don't feel good. I'll try to be more coherent tomorrow.

P.S. JD and J-Rich also introduced me to Repo. Same crowd, different guy. Maybe I am making the rounds through their friends?? Is that bad??

Thursday 13 (Late, as Usual)

Thirteen Things That Happened This Week

Ok, I know this is a cop-out topic. But my brain is really disorganized today, so you are going to have to bear with me! Besides, I need to catch you up on what has been happening. Here goes...

1. I think I have found a mortgage offer that is actually below market interest rates! Woo-hoo! I will know more on Monday.

2. Every time I go to brainstorm about decorating my house, I want to do each room in a different shade of green: seafoam bathroom, celadon in the bedroom and apple in the kitchen. (Obviously, if you read my blog, you can see how much I love green...) Somebody stop me before I end up living in the Honeydew House! Must. Think. Outside. Green. Box.

3. I booked my (free) flight to Indianapolis to go visit all my old friends. I am SO excited I can hardly stand it. I haven't seen most of these guys since 2001. I will be there for 9 days in December. This means I will freeze my ass off the whole time because I no longer own any wool/warm clothing. I'll have to figure that out later.

4. There was only one free return flight--December 24th. So I won't be getting to Czarina's house for the holidays until Christmas Day. Oops. Luckily, she's cool with it.

5. My impending trip means I will have to lose substantial amounts of weight between now and then. I can't be The Girl Who Moved Away and Got Fat. Plus, I will be hanging out with College Boyfriend, so you know how that is. Remember, I am also going to Florida the week before, where I will run into another ex--the Big Ex. So diet and exercise is the name of the game at this point.

6. Except that I have been having wicked chocolate attacks all week. I went to the grocery store last weekend and bought the following: Milky Way bars, chocolate Twizzlers, two cartons of chocolate ice cream, chocolate cake mix and chocolate icing for the chocolate cake. As I type this, I am down to the ice cream and a few Milky Ways. Oops. (To my credit, I shared the cake with my coworkers.)

7. After having my monthly "I will never get married! I will die alone and childless!" dramatic, crying breakdown--can you tell I'm somewhat hormonal right now?-- I decided to suck it up, force myself to be in a better mood and stop feeling sorry for myself. So, I went out. I went with K to Wild Hare. We met two guys: the first one I will call Parrot Guy. He was really good looking, but something was...weird about him. And slightly annoying. I wasn't feeling him. Then I realized the irony: He has a parrot that can talk. Apparently the parrot repeats itself incessantly. Much like his owner does. I kid you not, we had the same four conversations about three times each: football, his parrot, the fact that I don't drink and Germany. By the time we stopped talking, I was finishing his sentences because he kept repeating himself. Much like his parrot. Annoying? Yes. Yes. Yes.

8. The other guy, it turns out, used to date the girl who had my job before me. I work in her old office, in her old position. Weird. A small world moment. (Really, I need to start telling you guys about my weird small world moments. I have lots.) I prepared myself for a bitter tirade, but he was actually a gentleman about it, and said nothing but nice things. Of course (duh!) I came into work today to get the scoop from everyone, and it turns out that she broke his heart, so now I am sad to think about how much he probably didn't want to even think about that when he went out last night. If I ever see him again, I will apologize.

9. Then, K ran into her friend, the Car Salesman. His coworker met me once a long time ago and wanted to be set up with me. I had managed to avoid this whole scenario for months, but alas, last night it caught up with me. I had a bad gut feeling about it (hence my avoidance), but unfortunately, I was in a corner. I could not for the life of me remember the guy, so I was secretly crossing my fingers that he was hot or funny or at least cool. Unfortunately...he could have passed for Repo's Unfunny Ugly Twin. Yeah. Not good. Don't get me wrong--he was a nice guy. Very sweet. But entirely too much like Repo--talks like him, dresses like him, same mannerisms....but ugly. And unfunny. I gave it my best shot, but there's no way it would ever happen. I have to be attracted to a guy for it to work. And the ability to make me laugh is a definite must. And it would definitely help if he didn't remind me of a guy that broke my heart. I actually started to tear up at one point, but I don't think anyone saw me, thankfully.

10. The four of us ended up going down to 5 Points, a part of town mostly visited by college students. So I felt a little old, but it was ok. While I was there, I ran into The Cop's former roommate. We chatted for a second, and I mentioned that I hadn't run into The Cop lately--he didn't seem to be out at the bars anymore. His former roommate replied, "Yeah, he's gotten really serious with some girl." Great. Just what I needed to hear. As if it's not bad enough, sitting there, being forced to hang out with an almost-twin of my most recent ex, now I get to hear that my other ex is virtually engaged. On either side of me were reminders of my failed relationships. On a night when I was already feeling upset, pathetic and lonely.

11. Just as he's telling me about The Cop's love life, up walks another friend of K's. He is facing me, and wearing a shirt that says, in huge purple lettering: YOU ARE OLD! ....and that's about when I was ready to go home. I couldn't help but feel that was a sign for something. This night just had too many reminders that I suck at relationships, so I might as well just give up and grow old. Alone.

12. I went to the bathroom to try and knock myself out of this negative thought pattern (again, hormones. They are mean little bastards!) . As I'm sitting there, taking deep breaths, I overhear the tail end of a drunken conversation between two young college girls:

Girl 1: "You are gorgeous! Do you hear me??? Gorgeous! You can get any man you want!"
Girl 2: "But he's got a new girlfriend! And she's prettier than me!! I miss him!"
Girl 1: "Why do you care? You can get any of these guys! You're fabulous! You're gorgeous! [to a third girl who happened to walk into the bathroom] Isn't she gorgeous?? He's an idiot. And that girl is not cute at all. You don't want him anyway because he's an asshole..."

All I could think was how many times I have played the role of Girl 2, and how thankful I was for the Girl 1s of the world. I always believed the Girl 1s, and appreciated their pep talks. But this time, I was on the outside. An impartial third party listener. And as I listened to Girl 1 repeat herself, all I could think was, "She is so full of shit."

I guess I'm officially cynical!

13. I don't have much in the way of plans this weekend. I am going to go see MJ's new house, which she officially purchased today. I am feeling the urge to clean out a closet, think up more decorating ideas and do some cooking. (WOW, exciting!) But I'm sure something cool will come down the pipes. If not, I will be forced to create my own excitement. K is out of town all weekend, so it's just Sammy and me. Hopefully, he will be a better doggie than last weekend. But I'll explain that in the next post.

Have great weekends, everyone!!!

Thursday 13

13 Shocking/Amazing/Fun Things That Have Been Going On

1. The beach trip was fun. There were lots of dogs for Sammy to play with and lots of boys for me to play with. Fat Dog has some cute older friends! We all went out in a big group each night. Saturday night we went to watch a friend's band play on the boardwalk, which was pretty cool. We sat near the stage in this massively glamorous seafood restaurant, called Catch 31. The area is called Neptune Park, and this concert was part of the annual Neptune Festival. All the events are near this huge statue of King Neptune (see photo). A lot of the people we hung out with were old friends who hadn't seen each other in a long time, so they were kind of wrapped up in that. [Read: They were a little on the snooty side.] K and I spent most of our time with Fat Dog. Which was fine. We still had fun.

The house we stayed in was gorgeous. 4 bedrooms, 4 baths, new kitchen, hardwood floors. It was decorated in all this Jetsons-style (I learned the official term is "Googie" style) furniture and each room was painted in a gorgeous, rich color: lime, navy, canteloupe, red, etc. There were lots of large houseplants and big windows. There was a big hot tub in the backyard and a large balcony with couches to sit on. Decorative pillows and artwork everywhere. There was even a huge plasma tv! So how did my brother score such a house? His roommate is recently divorced from a woman who is from a very wealthy family. She is a designer or artist by trade, hence the gorgeous home. She told him he could keep the house and all of its furnishings in the divorce settlement. Now they live in the phattest bachelor pad I've ever seen!

The hot tub takes forever and a day to heat up, we learned. Unfortunately, we learned this at 2am after a night of partying, when we really wanted to use it. We ended up having a not-hot tub experience--it was lukewarm. Oh well.

K and I spent Saturday at a great mall. I got a bitchin' pair of peep-toe pumps. You can see a picture of them here. I got the light brown leather ones on clearance. I have nothing to wear them with. This does not bother me in the least.

2. K and I learned that if you drive in the Norfolk/Virginia Beach/Hampton Roads area, you will get lost. No ifs ands or buts. We got lost every time we got into the car. Not just a little lost, but the kind where you are 45 minutes away from where you thought you were. I have vowed never to travel to this part of the country again. It was my first time being lost and it was awful. I am Navigator Extraordinaire, and this was a big blow to my reputation. Luckily, The Czarina confirmed my frustration by agreeing that the roads in this area are labeled terribly--so terribly, in fact, that even The Czarina gets lost there all the time. Good to know I haven't lost my edge.

3. I learned a really, really big secret this week. I am afraid to blurt it out here, but email me and I'll give you the insider scoop. It will probably make your jaw drop.

4. RDG hasn't called me. I figured he wouldn't. Oh well. Free breakfasts are nice, right?

5. Repo takes turns being super sweet and super jerky to me. Aaaargh. It's silly for me to even talk to him, I know. But I'm moving on, trust me. Well, I'm trying to.

6. I have pretty much stopped smoking, although I could really go for a smoke right now....you will see why at the end of this list.

7. I have started working out again and eating (a little) better!!! Yesss! Go me!!

8. College football season has started, and in case you don't understand how important football is down here, all I can say is that it is like a fanatical cult of maniacs. That is the best definition I can think of. With football comes games, tailgating, cookouts and parties. Woo-hoo! The Gamecocks are playing Georgia on Saturday, so I have been hoping to come across a ticket, but I think I'm S.O.L. Which is ok, because I have been invited by about 5 different people to party and/or watch the game with them. I haven't made any definite plans yet, but Saturday will be really fun.

9. On a more interesting note, do you remember W, the guy who has a thing for me? He is friends with Blonde's brother. He is one of the people coming into town this weekend for the game. His plans got messed up, so I invited him to hang out with me for a while. He's nice, and easy to talk to. It should be fine. I just hope there aren't any awkward moments, as he's pretty much in The Friend Zone. I should probably give him a better nickname, though. How about The Crusher? Or maybe Black Eye, since he got into a bar fight last weekend? (Seriously, what is up with the fist fighting, guys???)

10. I found out I will be going to Orlando, FL in December. It's a conference for work. I will definitely get in touch with a college girlfriend who lives down there, but the big question is this: Should I call The Big Ex and tell him that I will be coming into town? We are on good terms, but I am worried that it might be opening up a big can of worms. Although, I'd probably have a really good time hanging out with him. But I just got to the point where we aren't talking anymore. Nothing bad, I just see his number pop up on my phone and think, "What's the point?" So I have been getting off the phone quickly when he calls. Do I want to go there?

11. I have some frequent flier points I have to use by December, so I think I will be making a trip to Naptown, aka Indianapolis, soon. I have so many friends there and I'd love to see everyone.

12. Happy News!!!: Lady Starfish got engaged over Labor Day weekend!!!! She and her man, J have been arguing like cats and dogs lately, so it was a surprise to both her and me to hear this. It turns out, J was being a dickhead intentionally so she wouldn't think anything was up. How funny is that? He took her to a B&B, had champagne and chocolate-covered strawberries and a picnic all laid out for her. Then he popped the question. Awww....oh, and I'm going to be a bridesmaid, which is cool. I've never been one before.

13. Most of today was spent worrying about Sammy, because he is not feeling too good. He has been lethargic and shaky all day. Not eating or drinking, just laying around. When K got home at 2pm, she called me to tell me that Sammy had acquired a fever, too. This freaked me out. So I took him into the vet this afternoon. He needed to have his anal glands drained. Say it with me: EWWWWW!!!!! Like mother, like dog, I guess. We both have had our butt issues. When he was done, he was a lot perkier, which made me feel better.

The vet tech told me to give him some aspirin for the pain (his little butt is tender), but I thought she said tylenol. So I tried to get Sammy to take some Children's Tylenol before I went back to work. He wouldn't eat it. I covered it with peanut butter and left.

On the way back to work, I realized that I had given Sammy tylenol when the tech had told me to give him aspirin. I always get those things confused. I'm blonde like that--advil, aspirin, motrin--it's all the same to me. So, I start freaking out. I did a quick internet search on it, and read that tylenol is poisonous to dogs. Now I'm really freaking. Good job, VB, way to poison your dog. As if it isn't bad enough, having your ass glands clogged, now he's got to worry about his mother trying to poison him. Gah.

I called the vet, panicking. They said the amount I gave him is ok, but any more would have been bad. I told them that he may not have eaten it. Sammy is a really picky eater. He probably just licked the peanut butter off it and left it there. I hope. Right now, I'm waiting for K to get home and call me to tell me how he's doing and what happened to the pill. Fingers crossed...

Men, Mom and Mechanics

Just having written that title, I suddenly realize how these three things have something in common: They all require costly upkeep from me.

I had a very fun and frustrating weekend. It's an oxymoron, I know. But you will see.

Friday night I had plans to hang out with The Wild Young'ns: Mack Daddy, J-Rich and JD. I was really looking forward to it, as I hadn't hung out with this particular group of guy friends in a while. I threw on some jeans, put on my new shoes and some bronzer and I was all set. Or so I thought.

My car would not start. Great. I was already a half-hour late. Conveniently, my Weird-Yet-Nice neighbor happened to walk by as I was on the phone, explaining things to my friends. It turns out he is a mechanic. Perfect!

He checks under my hood and says he thinks it's my battery. He could jump me, but then I'd be stranded at the bars. Um, this doesn't really do me much good. We talked about it some more, as he explained what my options were at this point. I thought he said he could give me a ride, and I said "Great!" so I started to reach for the door handle to his car. "Um, I said I could give you a jump..." he said. Oh. I turned beet red. How embarrassing. How presumptuous! I wanted to die. Then, of course, to make it worse, he felt bad, and backpedaled--"But I guess I could give you a ride if you really need one." Good grief.

Just as I was about to take him up on the offer, I realized I should try calling someone else to give me a ride. I knew the Wild Young'ns would be far too gone to consider driving at this point (there is a reason they have this nickname!). K was on the other side of town with her friends. The Nurses were working or sleeping. There was only one person left. Repo.

He works on Saturday mornings, so I knew he wasn't doing anything. I called him. He gladly gave me a ride and even offered to pick me up later that night if I needed a ride home. So sweet. Points for him. To boot, he got to see me all decked out for a night on the town. Yes!

Finally, I met up with the semi-drunk guys. We decided to go to one of my favorite bars, Local's. J-Rich got drunk and wandered around. JD is a huge social butterfly, so he flitted around as well. This left me with Mack Daddy, which was great. Not because I like him or anything, but because this guy makes me laugh my ass off. He and I proceeded to sit together the whole night, busting our guts. We bring out the pervert in each other and just end up cracking up whenever we hang out. We played "Marry 'Em, Fuck 'Em, Throw Them Off a Cliff", which is perfect for two perverts to play because each round was more wrong than the last.

What, you've never heard of it? Oh, it's loads of fun, especially on girl's night out. Any number of people can play and you need no equipment. MJ taught it to me. Here is how you play:

1. Think of three people--celebrities, people you know, people in the bar, whatever. One time I did beer mascots, which was really funny--Clydesdale horses, an eagle or a woodchuck. Ha!
2. Turn to your friend and ask them which one they'd marry, which one they'd fuck and which one they'd throw off the cliff. It gets really interesting if you pick friends or exes! You can torture your friend into admitting secrets. Not that I've done that. I also like to pick themes, like, "80s Teen Heartthrobs" or "Moustaches".

So Mack Daddy and I played it most of the night, and we almost fell off our bar stools a couple times. It was great to share some laughs with him--he just moved to Charleston, so I won't be seeing him as much.

The next morning, I got my car jumped and took it to AutoZone, where they tested my battery. They said it was fine and there was nothing wrong with my car. I didn't totally buy that, but I left anyway, thinking I would just take my car in to my regular place on Monday morning. I figured it was just a fluke that it didn't start.

Nope. It wouldn't start any more after that, either--my jump was a one-time shot. So I was stuck at home all day Saturday. Oh well. Didn't have big plans anyway. I got to catch up on some sleep and watch a movie. Repo came over when he got off work and we hung out for a while. Then I went to bed.

The next morning, I was walking Sammy when I came upon a guy sitting on the curb. A hot guy. All alone, sweating in the hot sun. My curiosity was piqued, and apparently, so was Sammy's. He ran up to him, and the guy started petting Sammy. We got to talking...and I came to the conclusion that the guy was still drunk from the night before. "This should be good," I thought. The rest of my day was about to get interesting.

Anyway, this post is getting kind of long. So I think I will leave you guys hanging for today. I will finish this up tomorrow. Stay tuned for more about Random Drunk Guy, my car and The Czarina.