Cougars -- RAWRRRR!!!

So far, I am really liking my new position at work. I get to tackle problems I've always wanted to work on, help my coworkers do better at their jobs and learn how to manage people better. It's been great so far, and I'm getting a lot of positive feedback.

I'm just not getting any money for it. *grumble*

What they are going to do is give me a bonus when I'm no longer in this interim position. If the new Big Boss decides to officially give me my title, they will give me the bonus and also up my pay. If the new Big Boss decides to not give me the title, I will go back to my previous position and just get a bonus. Then I will immediately look for a new job, because hello! That's a pretty clear message. But I think I will hopefully get it. *knocks on wood* I'm not too upset about this situation, because I'm doing this more for the experience than the pay. I need this promotion on my resume.

I don't know when Big Boss's position will get filled, though. They are bringing in candidates left and right, but all we get to do is give them a tour -- we are not involved in the interview process. I am not a fan of this system, but it's out of my control. The odd thing is, our HR person randomly emailed one of my staff and asked them to sit in on one of the interviews (not all of them, just one of the interviews. As she is really new, this is really odd to both of us. She's trying to encourage HR to ask me to do it instead, as I'm the more logical person to be there (not to toot my own horn, but I am).

And I can't outright fire The Gorilla, but I can assure you I am all up in his beeswax! He was demoted and is now under the new girl, and he keeps telling her that he hates his job and "can't take it anymore" and is looking for a new job. HR told us that the next time he says it, we can consider it his verbal resignation and they will back us on it!

Alright, enough about work. Let's talk about something more fun...like my dating life. No, really, I honestly have an update! It turns out I am not dead! I had a blind date about a week ago. First date in a year and a half. WOOT! Backstory: I have a friend whose mission in life is to get me a man. I do not argue with this. She randomly calls me with potential guys in mind, and our conversations go like this:

Fixer-Upper: Hey, VB, what's your age limit on older m--
Me: None. Don't care.
Fixer-Upper: You're sure? Cuz he's--
Me: Don't care. Give him my number.
Fixer-Upper: Ok, cool! I'll tell him to call you.

I did veto a date with at 22 year old, mostly because that honestly just feels illegal. But I did say yes to one of her ideas, and so I messaged him on facebook. (You should be clapping right now, because I do NOT NOT NOT make first moves. But Fixer-Upper is the type of person who would nag me incessantly if I didn't do something to meet this guy, so I did it to get her off my back.)

Long story short, I was on a blind date the next night. Here are the stats: 26, tall, cute, works 3 jobs (one of which is being a fireman -- hawt), has a dog, former military guy (for some reason, military guys are always into me. Not sure why.), is a Christian....so all in all, a good package. Also, he doesn't drink, which is a nice change of pace. I was more hung up on the age thing than he was. I have never dated someone this much younger than me. He was just starting middle school when I was in the 12th grade. It's kind of weird. Honestly, I would feel more comfortable with someone who has more life experience than me. Call me old-fashioned. He's very sweet, and we had good conversations and a decent amount of stuff in common, but I also kinda wish he was a little funnier and more cerebral. (WHERE are all the smart, funny, well-educated men in this world????) But he's a good person and cute enough to make out with, so I would probably give him another shot.

Although he told our mutual friend that he's into me, he hasn't called me. Fixer-Upper wants me to call him, but I refuse. I set up the first date. If he wants to see me again, he knows where to find me. *dusts off hands*

Meanwhile, St. Patty's Day is right around the corner. I don't know if I've mentioned it before, or if any of you have heard, but we have a MASSIVE St. Patty's Day festival here every year. It's the 2nd biggest east of the Mississippi. This is the day that the rest of Savannah's year pivots around. We even have a big countdown clock for it. (I highly recommend it, btw, because you can walk around with open containers here in Savannah and we have a ton of bars! You're all invited!)

The cool thing is, this year, for the first time, I live on the parade route!!! Although the parade starts at 10am, everyone starts drinking earlier than that. So I'm having all my friends over for snacks and parade-watching and beer drinking. I can't wait! Then, I'm going to another friend's house for a dinner-time cookout. Then I'll hit the bars -- hello, cute vacationing single men!!!! Just so you know, I am Irish!!!!

Speaking of cute, single vacationing men and St. Patty's Day, I texted New Year's Eve Guy to invite him to visit for St. Patty's Day. I figured, what do I have to lose, right? I thought he would not be into this idea or (worse) completely ignore my text, but that didn't happen. He said he can't go because he's attending another event this week, but he's definitely got Savannah on his wish list. Yes, he used the word "definitely". And I'm clinging to it!

I know I don't know him very well, but somehow, this guy totally got under my skin. Go ahead, laugh at me and my long-shot crushes. But there's just something about him that I am SO into. Probably because he's one of the funniest and most fun people I've ever met. *sigh* He's younger than me, too, although not by much. Did I mention he's super fun to make out with? *swoon*

Am I a cougar? Or some other feline species? Someone needs to set up an official, tiered system for cougars, snow leopards, cheetahs, et al. so I know what to call myself. This sounds like a job for Mystery.

In other cougar news, (yes, dear readers, there is more!) I was hanging out with my dad's ex-wife this past week (long story). She's 70 and looking for a place to retire. She wants to live in one of those all-inclusive resorts that have tennis, swimming, etc. She was telling me all about these complexes, and then she happened to mention that these retirement communities have major HIV epidemics in them!!!

Excuse me?

Well, it turns out that many of them are widowed, bored, popping Viagra like it's going out of style, not in the habit of using condoms, and so when you combine all of that together, you get...well, HIV problems. I didn't believe it until I did some research. Huh. Who knew.

I'm not one to end on a depressing note (I mean, who likes to think about Grandma humping her way through retirement? Not me, and I don't even have a grandma!) so I will leave you with one of my favorite MadTV clips. Lorraine was one of the first (and best!) cougars of all:

Bringing Sexy Back

Happy New Year!!!! I am so glad it's 2011. I don't know if it's because of my determination to get back to the old me or if it's because of my fabulous New Year's weekend, but I am so happy and optimistic about everything right now. I know this will be a great year. I can just feel it!!! Warm fuzzies, everyone. I am Suzie Effing Sunshine right now!!!!!!

Sorry, I will take it down a notch.

But I have super awesome news!!!! And I need your help.

You see, there is (drumroll, please) Boy News. And true to form, I either messed up or I just completely do not understand the opposite sex. Still. * sigh * I know. But where would this blog be, if it weren't for my dating/hook-up antics?

New Year's Eve was just going to be another VB-sits-on-her-couch type of weekend, until I began to miss MJ and remembered that Mr. Bill was having a party. And what is New Year's for if not hanging out with old friends? So I told them I would come up. MJ informs me that Rocky (a member of The Rat Pack, if you remember those posts -- if you don't know what I am talking about, you should search for these posts in my archives) was coming to SC for New Year's Eve.

And he was bringing a buddy of his.

"Anyone I know?" I asked, ever-so-innocently.

"Nope, this one's a new one," she said.

Hmmm. He will probably be cute. Or at least fun. Definitely worthy of leg-shaving, I thought, as I packed a "boobie shirt" to wear when we went out for New Year's. [Side note: does anyone else call them "boobie shirts"? Or is it just me?]

Rocky's friends are always cute and fun. I was starting to get a little excited about this. So I went to bed kind of excited for my short drive the next day.

I arrived in Columbia just in time for a late lunch with MJ, Rocky and his friend, who I will dub NYE Guy. NYE Guy was cute, and extremely funny, as I soon found out. Later, I would discover that he is also kind of geeky (he likes to go to museums!) -- <3 Swoon <3

I started to get that feeling that it was going to be a great weekend. WOOT!

After eating, we went back to MJ's house and hung out for a bit before getting ready for Mr. Bill's party. I put on my boobie shirt and slapped on some extra eyeliner and heels. What? What was that? I felt kinda....hot. What a great feeling. It had been so long since I've felt that way. This feeling could best be described as the boring, depressed iceberg version of VB melting back into happy and exciting VB.

I was bringing sexy back.

So we head to Mr. Bill's. It was really great to see him, as well as a couple other people I knew. My only regret is that I didn't get a chance to talk to Mr. Bill as much as I wanted. So Mr. Bill, if you're reading this -- hi!!!! I spent most of my time at the party laughing with MJ, Rocky and NYE Guy, as well as a girl I will call "Other MJ" and her hilarious best friend who I will call Vietnam. We were our usual perverted selves, and there was a joke about empty beer bottles which even I cannot repeat. Hilarity and antics ensued, in other words.

Soon, it was almost time for the ball to drop. Rocky began asking everyone who they are kissing at midnight. I was sitting next to NYE Guy and when Rocky asked him, he turns to me and informs me that he wanted to kiss me. I giggled like a 12 year old. And so he did. And it was great.

Not long after, we all took the party to Art Bar, a fun bar in downtown Columbia. There was a masquerade theme happening there, so we had fun with all the masks laying around. NYE Guy and I kept sneaking away to dark corners to make out. Yay! So far, 2011 was rocking.

Fast forward to 4am, when I am still awake (!) and still in a good mood (!). But all good things must come to an end, and it was time to go home. So I drove MJ, Rocky, NYE Guy and Vietnam back to MJ's house. Shortly after that, NYE Guy and I are continuing our make-out session, and it was so much fun! He is so fun....sorry, I can't go into details.....no way to explain without being overly descriptive....ah, memories....where was I? Oh yes, so we didn't do anything R-rated or anything, but that was mostly due to the fact that it was 5am and we were exhausted! After messing around for a bit, he realized that we could just continue this the next night -- hooray for 3 day weekends!!! So we fell asleep....

...and picked up right where we left off in the morning when we woke up!

...but still did not *ahem* complete the transaction, if you get my drift. No worries. There was still another night to go! Yes. Best weekend ever.

He and I got up (at 1pm)and joined the others for food and then all 4 of us went to a museum. After that, we ate and then went back to MJ's to watch some movies. Soon, it was time for bed (YAY!) because the guys had to drive back to NYC the next day. I don't think I have ever been so excited to put on my jammies ever in my whole life. Especially with the hope that they would soon be removed by this yummy beefcake funny guy. So I get into bed while he's brushing his teeth. He climbs in and....

wants to spoon.

W.

T.

F.

Ok, fine, I can meet him halfway, I thought. I nestled in closer to him. Nothing. I made a little moan. Nada. Time for something a little more obvious, I thought. I grabbed his hand and put it on my boob. "Awesome," he said.

And then he promptly fell asleep.

Ok, yes, I know he was probably tired, but so was I. And since when do guys pick sleep over sex? This was so lame. When he started snoring in my ear, I gave up and fell asleep.

The guys left very early the next morning, so I went back to bed after saying goodbye in my sleepy haze. No smooching, even. This is so lame, I thought as I fell asleep.

When I got up, MJ and I decided to get breakfast and get a pedicure to debrief on the night. When I told her about my end of things, she tried her best to help me figure out a reason for my rejection, but we are both at a loss as to why he just wanted to spoon the 2nd night.

By the end of the day, he had friended me on facebook. 3 days later, I messaged him to thank him for posting all the great photos he took from that night. He replied right away and told me that he doesn't like messaging on FB and that I should text him. Cool! I thought. Maybe there is more?

I didn't have time to text him then, so I texted him the next night. I wish I could say that we had a super hawt flirty conversation, but no. We ended up talking about the weather. Why would you ask a girl to text you, only to talk about the weather??? Plus, it was one of those conversations where I felt like I was interviewing him. Hello! Conversations require questions from both parties! It's called "getting to know someone". So I took this to mean that he didn't want to get to know me. He's just not that into me. I get it. Fine. Closure. Done.

But then he texted me last night! To talk about beer! Who is this guy??? Argh!

Please feel free to weigh in with your opinions, because I am thinking of re-naming this guy Mr. Mixed Signals. I invited him and Rocky down here for St. Patty's Day. I guess we will see if they come down. Do you think he likes me but he's just bad at flirting? Should I be more obvious w/flirty texts??? Who am I kidding. This is classic Just Not That Into Me.

It's good that I am blogging right now, because it is preventing me from messaging him on FB. Must. Fight. Temptation. MJ thinks I am reacting like this because I haven't met anyone in a long time and I'm just overreacting. I don't know. All I know is that I was not done making out with him!!!! And he makes me laugh. A lot. *sigh*

Alright, here's the part that is (almost as) cool. Ever since our little make-out sesh, I have felt like sex on a stick. I think I just needed some validation or to break the ice or something. I feel like I have come back to life! I am happy, I feel like a hot babe, I suddenly have all this confidence. It's wonderful! I should be slutty more often. ;)

Which brings me to my New Year's Resolution:
The be sexier.....and slightly sluttier.

This is the BEST resolution ever. Because it's a way more fun way to diet and exercise. I have managed to fool my brain into thinking this is fun. I am fully embracing the Hot Girl Lifestyle. And it's so much fun! I went for a run yesterday -- over a mile! And it was great! My whole goal is to never be home -- Hot Girls are out busy doing stuff and meeting people. Oh crap. Hot Girls also go to bed by this time of night....unless they are making out. I should go, y'all.

2011 is gonna be a great year. I can feel it.

I'm a Survivor

I was hoping to have a bunch of awkward and hilarious anecdotes to share with you about the trip up to The Czarina's. But nothing really happened! Everything went really smoothly. CN likes Mom, Mom likes CN. The end.

CN really enjoyed teaming up with The Czarina to tease me, which caused me to exclaim more than once, "Hey! Whose side are you on, anyway?!" to him. They thought this was hilarious.

I have to say, I think Czarina was on her best behavior. Not once did any of our baggage-laden, touchy-subject issues come up in conversation. She didn't even speak a word about my obvious weight gain!!! And it definitely helped that she had a party to host, because it really wasn't in her schedule to sit down for a heart-to-heart with him, asking about his intentions. She was much MUCH too distracted. WHEW.

Her distraction was so great, in fact, that not even 30 minutes after lecturing Smurf about her abysmal teenage driving skills, she was pulled over by a policeman for running a stop sign. Whoops. To make it even worse, Mom was so oblivious to his flashing lights that she just proceeded to park her car and get out to go do her business as if nothing were wrong. CN and I, who had already parked in our car and were waiting for her nearby, saw her get out of her car and so we began yelling, "What are you doing??!! He's going to pull a gun on you!!!" and then we busted out laughing when we saw her realize what was going on. Then we called Smurf to tell her that Mom just got pulled over for blowing a stop sign. And that she could have been shot for getting out of her vehicle. The Czarina will never live this down.

CN was a paragon of perfection, if I do say so myself. Fat Dog was not around to help Mom with the party, because he was in his best friend's wedding and therefore, out of town. Fungus arrived with a painful back injury, so he was also unable to help out with party preparations. So CN stepped up to the plate and moved furniture, set up tables and carried lots of things around for my mother. I was very proud, and The Czarina was very grateful. He earned lots of points.

Aside from one guest showing up FIVE HOURS EARLY to the party, despite the invitations CLEARLY stating the party started at 6pm*, everything went really well, party-wise. There was plenty of leftover food and alcohol. I got to see many friends of the family. CN made a wonderful impression on everyone, but at the same time, he said he never felt pressured or overwhelmed the entire time he was at The Czarina's. In fact, he said he had a great time and thought everyone was wonderful. I wish I could say the same thing -- not once, but TWICE during the party someone whispered very loudly to me, "So, do you think he's the one???" when CN was barely out of earshot. This made me want to whisper loudly back, "I don't know! Maybe you should ask him, since he's standing right behind you!!"

Argh. I should have spent more time avoiding the loud whisperers, rather than just trying to stay away from my mother.

* This is pretty typical behavior for this guest. Last year, he refused to drive to the party himself, and my poor brother was stuck driving him on the 3 hour trip to my mother's house. Keep in mind that this particular guest is a sweaty, creepy old man who is very nosy, particular and irritating. And he wears shorts with black knee socks, a source of much amusement for the under-40 crowd at the party.

Babies R (Not) Us

Like many young women, I want to have kids one day. I'm thinking at least 3, maybe as many as 5. (Hey, I come from a big family, so this is normal to me.) And although I am absolutely positive I want to be a mother before I die, and I have a couple of names picked out, that is about as far as I'd taken this thought.

Until this weekend.

Don't freak out -- I'm not having a baby! *knocks on wood to be sure*

But lately, I can't seem to escape the thought of babies, and it's starting to wig me out. Let's make a list, shall we? Yes, let's. Because VB's heart rate is rapidly accelerating, and lists make her feel more in control of her world. Here we go.

1. I had a dream two nights ago that I was talking with an old friend about what it's like to be pregnant. We poked at her belly and discussed her due date. I think that in the dream, I was trying to get pregnant. Whoa.

2. Last week, CN and I were sitting on the couch watching Biggest Loser. I mentioned how it would be so easy to lose weight if you had kids, because you'd feel like you'd have a really good reason -- something to motivate you to live into old age. He replied, "Yeah, but you'll have kids one day. You should start being healthier now." (He's right, as usual.) He was visibly surprised to hear my answer: "No. I don't know if I'm going to have kids. It may not be in the cards for me." And I shrugged, because I am not one to count my chickens (or children?) before they hatch. And then I changed the subject, because the conversation was getting a little to "real" for me. I'm not ready to talk about that with CN yet. Heck, I'm not ready to talk to anyone about that!

2. CN and I were invited to a baby shower this past weekend. So we had to go pick out a present at Babies R Us, which, if you've never been, is like Wal-Mart, only it's filled with pregnancy/baby/toddler stuff. And it's FULL of women who look like this:

Now, I don't know if any of you have ever been in a giant room full of women who look like their water is about to break, unless you are an OB/GYN, but it is terrifying!!! I wanted to run up to each soon-to-be mom and play traffic cop: "Everyone! Now just back up! I need you to keep at least 10 feet back! She's gonna blow any minute!!!" I'm not kidding -- some of those women HAD to be at almost ten months of pregnancy. My fear of accidentally bumping into them and causing their water to break left me temporarily paralyzed. I didn't move an inch.

I looked around some more. There were approximately 7.3 billion baby items to purchase for your baby and/or your pregnancy. Now, unlike some women, my Baby Experience Resume is pretty extensive -- tons of babysitting, the oldest of 5 kids, lover of all things small and cute, oozing with maternal instinct, and a Master's degree in diaper changing.

But nothing, and I mean nothing, could prepare me for the Baby Bonanza that is Babies R Us.

There were these strap-things, which hold your big pregnant belly up. Like a giant seatbelt or something. I don't know. There were covers for your nipples. I don't know why nipples need covers, and I'm wondering if it's because they don't make bras big enough for pregnancy-sized boobs-- a terrifying thought. And I have never seen so many thermometer options in my life. Did you know that pacifiers come in sizes? Yeah. Neither did I.

Between the pregnant women, the bizarre baby items for sale, and the umpteen newborns in the building, my head began to spin. I looked over at CN. He was white as a sheet, and also seemingly cemented to the floor.

"Oh. My. God. There are pregnant women everywhere...." I trailed off, speechless with fear.

"Yeah. And babies," whispered CN.

"This is totally freaking me out. Let's get the hell outta here ASAP!" I said.

We printed off the registry, grabbed the closest thing in our price range (which happened to be a Breast Friend, a product I was actually familiar with) and practically ran to the register. On the way to the register, I explained to CN what a Breast Friend does, and he proceeded to make jokes about how he wants one so he can be my breast friend. Har. Har.

3. On the way to the baby shower, I realized that never in the History of Baby Showers has there only been one baby or one pregnant woman. There were going to be more. And I was right. CN and I walked into a nest of new mothers and fathers, all discussing their new babies and baby products and baby philosophies and organic baby food and....well, you get the picture. There were two babies in addition to the one being celebrated. There were baby-themed cakes, decorations and party favors. Everyone was coupled up, either engaged or already married. It felt like everyone was expected to either have a baby or want to have a baby before even walking through the front door. Like it was a requirement to attend.

It was so overwhelming, I completely forgot that I had a boyfriend. My inner Single Girl said, "Shit! I hate parties like this! I'm single and I can hear my biological clock ticking now more than ever! Why do they never invite more than one single girl to parties like this?? Don't they realize it's torture? Oh. Wait. I am here with someone...Right. Ok." And then I spent the rest of the party trying to see if there were any single girls there, so that I could introduce myself and comfort them. Old habits never die, I guess. Or perhaps I just don't see CN and I as a couple couple yet. Because we haven't been dating long enough to discuss the possibility of making a little VB or CN yet. Does that make sense? I dunno. It felt too soon for us to be in that room with all those.....baby people.

Consequently, I kept to myself and stuffed 3 chocolate-covered strawberries, 4 ounces of dip/chips, one brownie and 17 petit-fours down my gob.

PMS hormones + too many babies + weird baby items + freakishly swollen bellies + a party where I know no one = Time to eat.

Ugh. I am getting a headache just typing this.

Anyway, our gift was a hit, and many "Breast Friend" jokes ensued.

4. After the party, CN and I had hoped to return to the Land of the Childless by attending W's birthday get-together. No such luck. My friend Y was there, and she is about 6 months pregnant with her first child. And a couple was there with their 3 month-old little girl. She was adorable. And they let me hold her. And she was so little! And she had that powdery baby smell! And she stuck out her bottom lip when she cried! And we all cooed over her adorableness.

CN was watching me do all of this. I cooed to him about the cute baby. He said it was impossible to escape babies that day. I nodded and continued to coo.

"You don't want one, do you?" he asked, terrified.

"Oh my God, NO!" I shouted. CN had jolted me back to reality.

And that's when I realized that I really like the idea of having a baby and being a mother. Possibly even with CN. But the whole pregnancy and labor thing totally freaks me out, and I am nowhere close to being ready to have one any time soon!!!

I wish the stork story was true. Because that is the kind of pregnancy/labor I want! Just thinking about how scary labor must be and how pregnancy totally f**ks up your body makes me feel like I'm going to faint. Why can't a nice little bird just drop if off on your doorstep? This is much more logical to me. It also sounds cheaper, safer, faster and cleaner. Scientists should look into this and see if this is indeed a viable option.

I explained all of this to CN and told him that I can't wait to be a mom, because once the baby has arrived, I think I would like it, because I know what to do. It's the whole pregnancy/swollen belly/scary labor stuff that bothers me.

He totally disagreed, saying that the baby's arrival is when all of his fears would start!

I guess it's good to know that we are on the same page about all of this stuff. Kinda.

Bits/Pieces

Friday night was SO much fun! MJ & VW ended up being Britney Spears (complete with Chee-tos, pregnant tummy and much-dropped baby) and K-Fed (I swear, the guy is a dead ringer for K-Fed!). CN looked great in his Super Troopers costume. Vermont, our Rat Pack friend who happened to be in town, went as a character from Major League (please don't ask me who!). His roommate was a hunter and wore camouflage. The Runner was the Burger King and his friend (girlfriend?) was Kendra Wilkinson, one of the Girls Next Door. KT couldn't go because she was sick.

When we got to the party, there were lots of snacks and a keg. There were about 50 people there, I'd say, so it was a good crowd. Here were some of the costumes:

Little Red Riding Hood & Wolf (a couple -- cute idea, huh?)
Batman, Robin and the Joker (three friends)
Roman soldiers (complete with fake, bloody wounds)
a fairy (who smoked like a chimney, which was funny to me)
Jessica Rabbit
a witch
various X-Men characters
Indian princess (that was the hostess)
Dr. Seymour Bush (a "gynecologist" -- get it?)
cowboys/cowgirls
another Burger King guy
a female gangster
a flapper
Catholic school girl & guy (that was E & B)
Cleopatra
Coach Steve Spurrier
Dog, the Bounty Hunter
Borat

......and finally.........drumroll, please........the winner of the costume contest was a guy who dressed as this guy:

And from the moment he walked in, everyone knew he would win. The costume was just too funny. He was so tall he had to keep ducking in all the doorways.

Despite all of my Paris Hilton accessories, no one knew who the hell I was. Probably because I don't really look like her, even with a blond wig on. Oh well, it was still fun. MJ and I got into a Britney/Paris catfight and VW and CN tried to break it up. We got it on film for posterity's sake, you know. Then she and I made up and were friends.......until we got into another mock cat fight, also on film. It was fun. CN kept arresting everyone.

MJ's pregnant Britney belly was so well-done, some other girls at the party thought she was really pregnant, and when they saw MJ smoking and drinking, they were so offended, they went inside and talked smack! It wasn't until late in the party that they realized she just had a pillow taped to her tummy, so they ran out to tell us what they had thought, and we all had a good laugh.

CN was quite the little social butterfly that night, and I hardly got to talk to him! He was so busy talking to VW, Vermont, Vermont's roommate and The Runner, I didn't even realize he was getting trashed! By the time we left, he was slurring his words. He cracked me up the whole way home.

Somehow, we lost track of Vermont. Rumors circulated of he and Butter having hooked up (which bothered E, because she and Country Boy are on-again, off-again) but I am starting to think those rumors are not true. We still don't know where Vermont spent the night! There was a lot of confusion, drunkenness and phone calls going on. B & E thought we were all following them to a bar, but when we got there, we couldn't find anyone. So it was pretty chaotic by 3 am. No one knew where anyone was. We are still emailing about it, trying to get the facts straight.

CN and I crashed out hard-core and didn't wake up until about 11:30 the next day! I took a shower and then went out to lunch with his parents, who had me in stitches the whole time. After we ate, he and I were total couch potatoes for the rest of the day! I couldn't even stay awake for the USC/Tennessee football game -- CN had to keep waking me up for all the big plays!

And no, I DON'T want to talk about the game. Those refs made terrible calls and that last kick was total.......ok, that's all I'm going to say. *sniff!*

Speaking of USC, you have probably seen this in the news. Please keep these families in your minds today. It's such a sad story. My friend, Butter, knows the family that owns the house that burned down, so this hit pretty close to home for her. And please, since daylight savings is this weekend anyway, use this story as a reminder to check your fire alarms in your home.

Although I'm sad about the students and the football game, I'm going to try and focus on getting excited for Indiana Basketball!!!! The first exhibition game is this Sunday. I would like to just throw out there that the Hoosiers are ranked 9th in the ESPN/USA Today pre-season poll. So for all the UNC, Duke and Kentucky fans (my favorite teams to hate!)-- get ready!!!

But before all of that starts up, I have to say that I am the MOST excited about THIS new season, which starts tonight!!!!



I read in People magazine that there will be an episode this season where Julian McMahon does naked push ups!! Be still my beating heart!!!


Because I talk so much about Julian McMahon's hotness, I think CN is a little bit jealous! But he doesn't have anything to worry about. The chances of me ever meeting Julian are pretty slim. Besides, I highly doubt I'll ever have a conversation like this with Julian:

CN: Hey, I need to take you out on Thursday. We should do something nice.
Me: Oh....kay. Sounds good. But um....why?
CN: It's the first.

It will be our 2 month anniversary. What guy celebrates the 2 month anniversary???? I'm telling you, he's unreal. I didn't even realize the first of the month was our anniversary. Good grief.....

Costume Party!!!

My friend S (of the Happy Hour Crew -- see sidebar) and her boyfriend are throwing their 5th annual Halloween Costume Party tonight! Yay!!! Anyone can go, but everyone HAS to wear a costume. I LOVE wearing costumes, especially wigs. I can't wait to see S (she will be a Native American Princess) and her man (a cowboy). E and B are coming, too -- they are going to be Catholic school students. The rest of the Happy Hour Crew is going, but I have no idea what they are going to be. I can't wait to see what everyone thought up.

I am bringing the following people with me: CN, MJ, VW, The Runner, one of the members of the Rat Pack (who is randomly in town from NY!) and his roommate (who came down from NY for the ride). I don't know what any one is going to be, except for CN:

(and in case you are thinking it's just a cop costume, he would want me to tell you that he's going to be a character from Super Troopers, complete with a real mustache!)

...and The Runner:
Which will be hilarious! I can't wait to get my picture taken with the Burger King!

After much indecision, I have finally decided on a costume and have gathered everything I need. I bet you can guess what I'm going to be!









E even made me this to go with my costume!! Isn't that cool??? I'll be carrying it around at the party.


I will probably take a lot of pics this weekend. If any of them are anonymous enough, I will share with you. Tell me what you're going to be for Halloween!!! I love how creative people get for this holiday. Share with me, peeps!

Pro/Con

Aargh. I have a tough decision to make. Do you remember J, my best friend from high school?

Background: I visited with her when I went to Indianapolis last December. We are still friends, but not nearly as close as we used to be. She is one of my oldest friends. And she is getting married this weekend in Jamaica. After doing some heavy thinking, I decided not to go to the wedding. The rooms were VERY expensive ($500/night!!) and her friends are all pretty snobby. Those were the two main reasons I didn't go.

Well, because most of her friends couldn't afford to go to the actual wedding, she and the new hubby are having a big, phat (oh yes, I am using the "p" version of that word) party next month in Indianapolis to celebrate the wedding a 2nd time stateside. It will be held in a mansion, actually. J's new hubby knows the guy who owns it and so they get to use it for free. The house is WICKED cool and HUGE -- large pool, hot tub, dance floor, a room just for the bar, you name it. There will be a ton of people there, and it will be very glamorous. A lot of J's snooty friends are rich models, so if you can imagine an Indianapolis version of a Playboy mansion party, that's sort of how it's going to be. Very glamorous. Very posh.

So now, I am trying to decide if I want to go to it. Here is my list of PROs:

--It will probably be a super cool party.
--Travel! I love traveling anywhere, anytime.
--Frequent flier miles.
--I can visit other old friends while I'm there in town for the weekend.
--CN said he'd be my date.
--I didn't go to the wedding, and I feel kinda bad, so this would be a good way to make it up to her.
--I have been friends with her forever. It's her friggin wedding. I would be bummed if she didn't go to mine.
--I already have something to wear.

....and CONs:

--I am broke at the moment. It will be about $300 for the flight and at least $200 for the hotel. It's money I don't have to spend. Plus, if CN goes with me, I will feel obligated to pay for his ticket, too. Since we would be in a hotel, we would need to rent a car, probably....that's more money. And of course, I have to buy a wedding present. (Which I'm doing anyway, regardless of whether or not I go to the party. But that is also part of the expenses.)
-- Remember, her friends are snooty. And they are models. So this party probably wouldn't do much for the old ego. And although J and her hubby love me, I know they won't have time to make sure I'm having a good time.
--We aren't as close as we used to be, like I said. I doubt seriously that it would break her heart if I don't go. She will be bummed, but she will get over it pretty quickly.

If money were no object, I would go, no questions asked. So I guess the money is the main thing holding me back. I can put up with snooties for one night.

What would you do??? Help! I need opinions!!!

Back to the Drawing Board

Chaotic.

That is the word I would use to describe my life right now. Isn't that also the name of the Britney/K-Fed reality show? I think it is. Don't worry, I haven't shaved my head or anything. Not that I haven't thought about doing it, considering the high number of bad hair days I've been having lately.

It's been one thing after another, these past few weeks. I've got trips and parties and get-togethers and time off, all things which are making me super-busy. I need a vacation from my vacation! *sigh*

Add to that: work has been a little busier than usual, insomnia for two nights straight, medical issues and being broke.

I am so exhausted and have so many things floating around in my brain, this post will probably be choppy. I feel like I'm losing my mind, and after you read this post, I'm certain you will agree.

Where to begin? Hmmm. Let's start with catheters in my bladder. Who doesn't want to read about that? The good news is, it didn't hurt a bit. Seriously, it was no sweat. But I can tell it's one of those procedures (like, say, drawing blood) where, if the person doesn't know what they are doing, it would hurt like crazy. I lucked out.

The bad news is, there is still too much protein in my pee. So I am awaiting my referral to a urologist. Which means: $$$$$$ and probably more catheters. Oh the joy.

I just keep repeating to myself: I. Do. Not. Want. A. Kidney. Stone.

And since I don't want any cavities either, I went to the dentist yesterday. "Oh, I see we have to update your x-rays today!" said the hygienist. I thought, "Oh.....crap. $$$$$$$$$$$" And then, as she was cleaning, and lecturing me about how I am not brushing OR flossing enough/properly, I thought, "I am paying this woman to not only torture me, but to also give me a guilt trip second only to The Czarina's."

Then she hit below the belt: "So, Virginia..........do you smoke?"

Fuckfuckcrapitycrap.

"Yes, sometimes..." I confessed, weakly.

"I can tell. There's some stain discoloration," she deadpanned.

Ugh! What is it with these people?! As if just paying someone to scrape your teeth with metal utensils isn't bad enough, they have to throw in a guilt trip, too. I bet that's a course they take in dental hygiene school: "Guilt Tripping 101" -- it was probably taught by my mother. If I were a dog, my tail would be between my legs during every trip to the dentist. I think people who work there are actually BDSMers in white lab coats, who have managed to figure out a way to support themselves by preying on the phobias of the general public.

After an hour of scraping and scratching, I was finally free to go. Ashamed of myself, I collected the fragments of my dignity and walked out to the front desk. "That's it. I have reached the end of dental humiliation. I'm going to be Superstar Tooth Nazi until my next appointment! And quit smoking, too!!" I thought.

"Ok, that will be $105.00," said the receptionist.

There is a direct relationship between my age and the level of unpleasantness experienced at the dentist's office. Now, not only does it hurt my gumline, it hurts my wallet, too. Oh how I miss the days of my childhood, when a trip to the dentist's office meant only that I got to play with the giant, toy teeth and give the hygienists heart attacks with my sudden fits of giggling. (You see, I have extremely ticklish gums, and when they'd polish my teeth, I would erupt into uncontrollable laughter. I still do it, sometimes.)

Speaking of laughter, I had Lasagna Night on Sunday. MJ, KT, Mr. & Mrs. Bill, J-Rich and Mack Daddy came. We had such a good time. I don't think anyone went to bed hungry! We had a really good time. The only downside was that Cute Neighbor never showed. He never came over to tell me he couldn't make it, and he hasn't come over to apologize for being MIA, either. I find this very rude. Not to mention, a little insulting: it's not like it would be a ton of effort for him to tell me. He wouldn't even have to get into his car.

I don't get it. If your diet consists mainly of Healthy Choice frozen dinners (he told me that's pretty much all he eats), and your cute & single neighbor invites you over for a free, homemade meal, and all you have to do is basically fall out of your front door and grab a fork, then what is the problem? I mean, even if you aren't interested in her romantically, at the very least, you're getting a free dinner. And free beer. Men make no sense to me. And I think I've hit a new low in my pathetic dating life: guys won't even get up off their couches to mooch free food from me. WOW. I am, apparently, just that repulsive.

So, it's back to the drawing board again.

Speaking of drawing....MJ invited me to an art show this past weekend. Four local artists displayed their work, and there was even one piece on which all four of them collaborated. It was fantastic. All four artists have different styles, but their styles meshed well together. MJ's dating The Artist, and his art is....really just incredible stuff. You have to look at the pieces for a looooong time before you can soak it all in. It's been described as "post-modern", but I would describe it more as "Picasso meets Dali meets Pollock meets Dr. Seuss". Normally, I don't "get" modern art, but I really dug his stuff. I wish I had a little extra money lying around, because I would buy something from him. I wish I could find some pictures of his stuff online so I could show you some of his work, but I'll have to let you imagine it from my description above. (MJ-- you need to tell him to set up a flickr account or something!)

We are slowly but surely getting our details worked out for our NYC/Vermont trip next week. I am still so excited, I'm about to burst! Want to see what we've got lined up so far? Here is a photo quiz. Can you guess?








This sounds really stupid, but I'm actually really excited to ride on the subway. And to take the train to Vermont. There isn't much public transportation in SC. So this will be really interesting to me. Heck, this will only be the 5th or 6th airplane trip I've ever been on, so even that will be fun! I'm one of those weird people who gets waaaaay too excited to get on airplanes. I even like the food.

I have always defined a vacation as: "Going somewhere, other than a conference or my mother's house, which requires me to board an airplane to get there." By that definition, this will be my first vacation since Rome, Italy in 2000.

I told MJ I would embarrass her in NYC by asking every waitress/waiter if the restaurant serves grits or mashed sweet potatoes. If she doesn't want me to do this, she should keep my mouth full of some of that delicious NY-style pizza. Mmmmmmmmmmmm......can't wait.

But instead, I think I will stare straight up as we walk down the streets, proclaiming in the thickest of Southern accents, "Well, gaaaaawlee, I ain't never seen no buildin' that high! Shucks!" -- Huh. That came out more like Gomer Pyle. Perhaps I will practice my impression before I get on the plane......I will charm the pants off them "city folk". Hopefully, the cute and single ones.

Oh man. One can only hope......de-panting hotties is one of my favorite things to do......*daydreams*

I have no clue what to pack. I'm tempted to bring nothing but stilettos and cocktail dresses, but I'm sure that's entirely inappropriate. LOL But aren't I supposed to look like this in order to fit in?



I certainly don't want to look like this.....*shudders*


But I'm getting ahead of myself. Before I go to NYC and Vermont, I am being visited by....

The Czarina. *cue Darth Vader theme song*

And Smurf and Czarina's Best Friend are coming, too. They will serve as a no-fly-zone, because otherwise, The Czarina and I would drive each other bonkers. We need referees when we hang out.

The good news is, she wants to buy me some stuff for my house. And I think (fingers crossed, people!) that I can talk her into giving me some money for my NYC trip. Because, if she doesn't, I might have to dig through NYC garbage cans to find something to eat. Oh well. It will be good for the diet if I don't eat for 5 days, right? Maybe I can just eat hot dogs from those street vendors.....

Where was I? Oh yes. The Czarina is coming, with her best friend and my little sister in tow. She hasn't been to Columbia since the day I moved here, 5 years ago, almost to the day. She finally gets to see my house. We will be decorating mi casa, which is nice. We will be visiting some local historic homes and dining out at some of my favorite restaurants, like this one and this one. They will get to meet my coworkers and some of my friends. I think I will give them a little tour of my favorite spots in town. I am thinking we should probably hit the Columbia Museum of Art, since they just got a couple of Renoirs on loan from Chicago, and they have recently expanded their late-Renaissance Dutch painting collection.

And what are my favorite kinds of paintings?????

Anything by Renoir and anything Dutch.

In order to prepare for their visit, I have to take deep breaths, have a cigarette binge, practice nodding my head and saying, "Yes, Mom, you are absolutely right!" and clean my room. I have also stocked up on The Czarina's favorite diet foods:

Eggbeaters
apples
low-fat cheddar cheese
diet tonic water
oatmeal
low-fat cottage cheese
whole wheat bread
bagged lettuce

Ugh. No wonder she's always so cranky. Wouldn't you be, if that was what you ate, 90% of the time? And she wonders why I cannot lose weight. It's because I'd rather be fat than eat that stuff, day in and day out. But this topic deserves its own post, so I will stop there with that little difference in opinion between mother and daughter.

Which reminds me......I need to hide all my "bad" stuff: twizzlers, oreos, birth control pills, ashtray & cigarettes....what am I forgetting?? Oh, those condoms in my purse....which were actually a gag gift, I swear on all things holy......I know you don't believe me, but they were. I just laughed at my friend W's joke and absent-mindedly stuck them in my purse. Oh, come on! You have to believe me. Like I'd even get a chance to use those things, at the rate I'm going. [See paragraph about Cute Neighbor, above.]

The Czarina will be here tomorrow afternoon. So I don't know how often I'll be able to post until she leaves on Sunday. This long-ass, rambling post will probably have to do ya for a few days.

Green Acres

Greetings, readers! Before I recount my travels to you, I have to share some good/exciting news. The night before I left town, I mustered up the courage to knock on Cute Neighbor's door and ask for some help with my air filter. He gladly helped me out. And we ended up talking in my kitchen for an hour! Woot! Here is what I learned:

1. He has the coolest job -- he conducts extensive background checks for the military. He's not in the military, though. "Did you tell him you're a stalker, too?" E asked when I told her. Har har.

2. He completely geeks out when it comes to ghost stories and ghost shows on tv, just like I do. "He had me at 'ghost stories'," I told MJ and KT.

3. He is my age and from a small town here in SC. Also, no mention of a girlfriend. He gave the impression that he's a workaholic, and I've never seen a girl at his house. So the signs are good.

4. He really liked the cookies I made, and is interested in coming over for Lasagna Night this weekend, when I make it for all of my friends. Woot!

Aren't you proud of me?? I think I got my mojo back or something. We talked about lots of stuff, but those are the highlights. We will see how it goes this weekend. Yay!

I have returned to my more urban home. It's nice to be home in Cola town. Where it doesn't take 45 minutes of driving before you see a stoplight. Where you don't have to put on bug spray to get the mail, because the mailbox is a 7 minute walk away. Where grocery stores sell cilantro. I am not making this up.

On Monday night, I was making dinner for The Czarina and Smurf, so I had to drive into town (30 minutes or so away) and get ingredients. One of which was cilantro. Now, you might not think it would be an unusual thing. In allrecipes.com alone, there are over 200 recipes calling for cilantro. Many Mexican dishes call for cilantro. I mean, it's not like I was looking for kumquats or persimmons. Anyway, I went to three grocery stores, and finally found ONE bunch. The first 2 stores didn't even sell it AT ALL. This completely blew my mind. I mean, I know some people absolutely hate it, but to not even sell it? Come on!

But enough about cilantro. I'm sure by now, you can see that my hometown is not nearly as civilized as I would like. Which is the main reason I don't live there. That, and it's also where The Czarina lives. More than 5 days of Czarina time makes me want to go postal.

And I was there for 7 days.

So yes, it's good to be home.

Highlights from my trip (and true to form, I took no pictures. Sorry! I'm not a picture person!):

1. Got to see NYC Girl, whom I've been friends with since the 1st grade. She and her mother are on a mission to get me to move to NYC. I have to say....it's a tempting idea. And not because of the crazy dream I had, either! She lives on the edge of Chinatown and might have an extra bedroom in her apartment soon. But more on this in a minute...

2. I got to see some other elementary school friends. While we can all hang out and have fun, I'm really only still good friends with NYC Girl. So she and I decided not to go to the "after-party" at their hotel room. We had a good time just hanging out with each other.

3. I bought a bedspread and shams for my bed at the awesome furniture store in my hometown. They look a lot like this. Although I'm broke, the prices were hard to beat, and the white will look nice against my green bedroom walls. Then, the next day, we went to Richmond, where I got an adorable black cotton shirtdress from Ann Taylor, one of my favorite stores-- I tried to find a picture of it for you, but couldn't. Then, at Crate & Barrel, Czarina spotted this table on sale. And since she is such a nice Mommy, she got it for me. I really needed a table in my living room, and it will look great. I have to wait for her to bring it down with her, though, because it wouldn't fit in my car.

Yes, you read that correctly. She is visiting me. Next week. I will be maxed-out on Mom time, for sure. *rolls eyes* Don't get me wrong, I love my mom. It's just that The Czarina is somewhat of a......control freak. And she really likes to control me. This is the source of most of our disagreements. But I'm getting off-topic.

4. I got to see the P family. I just love them to death. (They are our friends whose house burned down, and whose daughter is pregnant and almost died. My parents and Mr. & Mrs. P are/were very close and all of us kids grew up together.) Anyway, the daughter is doing fine and will be having a baby in 3 weeks. I got to meet her boyfriend (the baby daddy) and he's a really nice guy. The parents are getting ready to move into their rebuilt house. So they are hanging in there, and things are looking up.

5. The day of the party, Sammy escaped from a hole in the screen porch and decided to disappear on me. I completely freaked out, and started walking around yelling for him. After searching unsuccessfully for a half hour, I began to cry. The Czarina thought I should check for messages on my cell phone, since Sammy's tag has my number on it. I was relieved to learn some neighbors up the road had grabbed him and were holding him for me. It turns out that Sammy had walked about 2 miles up the busy highway near Czarina's house. It's a miracle he wasn't turned into an asphalt pancake by one of the many big rig logging trucks that go barreling up and down that road. Sammy was locked in the basement for the rest of the day after that!

6. The party was fun, and I got to see my siblings and even more family friends. I met the 40 year old The Czarina was trying to fix me up with. He was good looking and not a dork, which I have to give her credit for. But he had a Miami Vice vibe going on. As in, Don Johnson. Which honestly, kind of skeeved me out. We didn't talk very much.

7. Everyone seemed to be trying to talk me into moving. Despite the fact that I just bought a house and that I have lots of friends down here, and haven't really expressed any serious interest in moving anytime soon. I am wondering if The Czarina is behind this. In any case, one person was trying to talk me into moving to DC, another to Richmond and another to NYC (NYC Girl's mom is on a mission, I am telling you!). They all made very good cases--these are all cities I think I'd enjoy living in. And I have to say, I am chewing over these ideas. You might even say I am moderately serious about it. My family has a tendency to be fairly nomadic, and I am no different. It's not all that unusual for us to move halfway across the country suddenly. Or to visit Europe and never come back, as my aunt did. I've been here for 5 years, and I am starting to get the "Been there, got the t-shirt" feeling. Columbia is one of those places that doesn't seem to change all that much. I might be ready for a new stomping ground.

8. This brings me to my next little update tidbit. I'm going to NYC in about 2 weeks!!!! YAY!!! I have never been there, and I'm really excited. MJ, KT and I are meeting up with the Rat Pack and hanging out in the city for a day or so (Rocky just moved to SoHo, so we will be staying there), then we're heading up to Vermont (another place I've never been) for a weekend at a lake house. Can I just tell you how excited I am???? It will feel like a REAL vacation. Too bad I'm terrifyingly broke.

So, readers, I need your advice on NYC. What do I wear? (I am especially wanting to know what kind of shoes to wear when I walk around the city. Flip flops seem too sloppy, sneakers too touristy and everything else seems too uncomfortable.) What should I expect? What should I bring? Where should we go? (Keep in mind I am B-R-O-K-E) Do you think I will like NYC? I'm going to try and meet up with NYC Girl while I'm up there. And I'll be with people who know their way around the city. So I won't be too stressed out, and I will be able to enjoy myself. Whew!

As you can tell, I have a lot going on (NYC trip, Lasagna Night, Czarina's visit, my annual review at work, etc.) and will be really busy for the next few weeks. My to-do list is crazy long. But reading up on NYC neighborhoods, culture and visitor advice is much MUCH more interesting right now, so I think I will go do some research.....right after I burn a CD with NYC-themed songs......yeah.........I am totally geeking out right now....

Maybe I will find the theme song to that show, Green Acres. It is very fitting right now, after leaving the beautiful, rural Virginia countryside (Green acres is the place to be...) and looking forward to NYC (New York is where I'd rather be!)........

Are you singing the song now? LOL

Cinco de Weekend

Gosh, what a fantastic weekend. I had Friday off, so I ran a bunch of errands before meeting up with Butter, one of the Happy Hour girls, for pedicures. She and I had a great time hanging out one-on-one. If things go well, she might be moving in with me when her lease is up in July. After our pedis, we went to my house for a snack before meeting up with E and her boyfriend B. The rest of the Happy Hour crew couldn't make it this week.

The bar where we were was dead, so at 9:30, we all came to the realization that we were all hungry. B mentioned IHOP and off we went. We porked out on pancakes, bacon, sausage, stuffed french toast*, scrambled eggs, hashbrowns and omlettes. Man, was it good.

*OMG, have you ever had this stuff? It is heavenly.

As we were eating, B&E filled us in on the plans for the next day: B and his roommate were having a small Cinco de Mayo party. Planned activities included: a pinata, badminton, darts, horseshoes and dinner at a Mexican restaurant. We were all looking forward to it. E was especially excited, because it meant I would finally be meeting B's roommate. She had been trying to fix us up for weeks. Suddenly, B chimed in and told me that I need to be informed about his roommate's ear.

"Oh yeah? Why?" I asked.
"Well, his right ear is fake. If you bump into it or something, it might fall off," he explained.
"Um, what?" I said.
E started telling B to shut up and knock it off. But he continued on:
"Yeah, he lost it in a freak accident, and now it's a prosthetic that just snaps on and off, kind of like Michael Jackson's nose," he continued.
"Ok, why am I not buying this?" I said, eyebrow raised.
"Don't listen to him, Virginia. He is making it up. His roommate doesn't have a fake ear," E explained.

Apparently, B is somewhat of an instigator/practical joker. I guess that as he had been telling me about his roommate's supposed fake ear, he had been telling his roommate that I had multiple personalities. "Yeah, so when you meet him tomorrow, can you just sort of twitch and then turn into a totally crazy girl named 'Sarah'?" he asked.

"I don't think so, B," I said, chuckling. (Looking back on it now, it would have been fun to play along...)

Then Butter spied an uneaten stack of pancakes. "Are you going to eat those?" she asked B. He said he wasn't. We expected her to just scoot the pancakes towards her, douse them in syrup and go to town. Instead, she grabbed a spoon and said, "Don't you just love butter?" And we all affirmed that yes, we were indeed butter fans. Well, the next thing we know, she scoops up the large hunk of butter and proceeds to eat it. Of course, this totally grossed out the rest of us. We sat, horrified, as she explained to us that as a child, she would sneak into the fridge, grab a stick of butter, and gnaw her way through it. This funny yet disgusting habit is why we now refer to her as Butter.

After gorging out on greasy breakfast food, we all went home early. The next day, I met up with KT for lunch, went for a run (about 3 miles this time, go me!!!) and then got ready to go to the party. I had to follow Butter there since B and his roommate live in a part of town I'm unfamiliar with and I knew that at some point, I would have to go home and let my dogs out.

When I got there, I finally met B's roommate. I'm going to call him Rob Thomas, since that's kinda who he looks like. He a little younger than I am(25), but he's very mature. He's owned his house longer than I've owned mine, and has already fixed up all the interior! It was the cleanest and best-decorated guy's house I've ever been in, actually. He and I hung out in the kitchen, ate some chips and got to know each other a little bit. He struck me as a very well-mannered, sweet and easy to be around kind of guy. We were starting to hit it off. This was going very well.

Not wanting to be anti-social, we rejoined the group. There were only 8 of us, but we had so much fun playing darts, horseshoes and badminton. By 7:30, we were ready to go grab some dinner. As I grabbed my purse, I noticed I had a missed phone call on my cell.

When I saw who it was, my jaw dropped.

Oh....my....God.....why in the hell would this person be calling me??? After everything that happened. After all this time. WHY?

It was Repo's girlfriend's best friend. The same one who was involved when all the drama happend a couple of months ago. My mind was racing: What happened that would cause her to call me after all this time?? I couldn't think of a reason. I toook E and Butter aside and told them what was up. "She probably called you by accident," Butter said. Still, out of curiosity, I called her back -- no answer. I left a message.

Just when we sat down at the restaurant, she called me back. It was really loud inside, so I left and went outside to talk to her. (This probably looked really sketchy to Rob Thomas....I will have to explain this to him when the time is right...)

It turns out that she had called me by accident. But we took the opportunity to catch up. Since she's going to be around this summer, she said we should get together for lunch sometime. I was taken aback. "Really?" I asked, surprised. I had always liked her, and was glad to hear that she didn't hate my guts. "No, why would I hate your guts?" she asked.

"Well....after all that happened....I guess I just hope I didn't cause any problems between you and [Repo's girlfriend]," I said.

"Oh, no. [Repo's girlfriend] would not even care at all if we went to lunch," she explained.

"Really? I would think she must hate my guts, and probably thinks I tried to sabotage her relationship. I just hope she realizes that was not my intent at all and that I got absolutely nothing out of it," I explained.

"Trust me. She realizes that. She has always been grateful to you for telling her what was going on, and she always believed everything you said. She knows you didn't get anything out of it," she continued.

"Huh? You mean all this time, she believed me? I thought no one believed me, and Repo made up a bunch of stuff about me and that she must hate me," I said.

"Oh yeah, she totally believed every word you said. I don't know what Repo said to her, because he and I never talked about the situation, but yeah, she believes you. And so do I. When it happened, I told her that she's my friend and I will always support her, even if she took him back. And she decided to give him another shot. But she's definitely holding back in the relationship because of it," she went on.

"Wow. I had no idea," I replied.

Just before getting off the phone with her, she told me she's not sure, but Repo might still be reading my blog. She advised me to keep that in mind. I told her I would be very surprised if he was still reading this thing. And even if he is, I don't care. I am just happy to finally get some validation and know that I'm not hated or not believed. That has been bugging me! So the phone call definitely made me feel a lot better.

Ok, so back to my weekend. The 8 of us had a wonderful Mexican dinner, with lots of beer and enchiladas and laughing. By this point, there was definitely some chemistry between me and Rob. He bought my dinner, which really surprised me. I thanked him, and then we all drove back to Rob & B's house.

It was starting to get late, and I'd been away from my dogs for about 6 hours. They needed to go out. So I had to leave and take care of them. Since I would have gotten lost on the way back (their neighborhood is a total maze), Rob offered to go with me. Woot!

I was a little concerned that my car was dirty and that my house was kinda dirty (it had been raining that day, so it smelled like wet dogs, and my sink was full of dirty dishes), but there wasn't much I could do about it now. Luckily, he didn't seem to mind. He helped me walk the dogs when we got there.

We had the best conversations in the car. Since I live on the opposite side of town, we ended up having lots of time to talk. We discovered a shared taste in music and politics, which never happens to me. Plus, he likes dogs. So by this point, I was pretty much sold.

By the time we got back, our ranks had dwindled (too much beer at dinner) to 5. We played horseshoes for a while and then re-lived our college days with a beer bong until about 2am. The guys were hysterical, making bets on the horseshoes and trying to convince each other that it was NOT their turn to bong the next beer. Eventually, Rob and I ended up watching tv after everyone else went to bed.

That's when he kissed me.

Hypothetical Birthday!!

A meme my friend did on myspace. Since it's almost my birthday, I figured I'd pretend...

Hypothetical Situation: It is your birthday today.
All of the people you care about have come together to make this one of the most special days of your life.
From the biggest dream to the smallest detail almost anything is possible. [Woo-Hoo!!!!!]

MJ & KT-- are you taking notes???? Because this is your cheat sheet for Saturday. Just in case you need ideas for my surprise this weekend.

1. You can wake up in any city. Where are we?
Someplace warm and tropical. Bahamas? Yeah. Sounds good.

2. You have a special alarm to wake you. One of your favorite musician(s) has come to play for you. Who is it?

Yes! So far, my hypothetical birthday kicks ass. I would have either Outkast or Gwen Stefani wake me up. Maybe Dr. Dre. Or RHCP. Or P-Funk. Dang, I can only pick one??? That's hard.

What song(s) do they play for you? -- If Outkast, I'd want something from their Aquimini album (whatever track #12 is). If Gwen Stefani, it would have to be "What You Waiting For?" As for the other musicians, I pretty much like everything, so anything goes. Dang, that is hard. I guess if it came down to it, I'd pick Gwen.

3. You have access to any meal, any chef, or any restaurant's menu? What are we having for the first meal of the day?
It's my birthday, so there are no calories, right? Ok. Breakfast consists of the following: blueberry pancakes, scrambled eggs, bacon, coffee, orange juice, cranberry juice, water (shut up, it's my hypothetical birthday. I can have 4 drinks if I want), chicken biscuits (from Chik-fil-a), hashbrowns and cigarettes. You can sit in the non-smoking section if you want. But I'm having coffee and cigarettes while I wait for my food.

4. A celebrity from TV (or show cast) has come to serve you or join you for this meal. Who is it?

Yes!! This kicks ass. I will have the cast from Sex and the City, thankyouverymuch. They will be in character as they dine with me.

5. After eating you have about 5 hours of free time to do whatever you want. You may choose any activity big or small, what would you like to do most? (Remember it's your day)

I would play on the beach with my dog, go shopping, go scuba diving, go to a spa and get one of everything, go on some kind of ghost tour/historic home tour, rent a convertible, eat an ice cream cone, ride on a really fast boat and make out with Hot Neighbor. Not necessarily in that order.

6. You receive your first gifts. You don't own these items already, but want them most. What are they?
a. one of those BIG iPods. 30 giga-tons of storage.
b. a new bed and matress set
c. hardwood floors for my house
d. a suh-weet digital camera
e. a brand new, state of the art, superduper fast laptop

7. It is time for our last meal before the party, what's the menu?
macaroni and cheese, fried chicken, grilled cheese, diet coke, quesadillas, black beans, steak w/sauteed mushrooms, sweet potatoes, tacos, yogurt, bruschetta with garlic bread, peanut butter sandwiches, nectarines, berries, ice cream, brownies, candy....and more cigarettes.

8. This meal is one you share with the people closest to you, who do you want to join you?
friends and family...everyone i know and love! The more the merrier. Oh, and Hot Neighbor. Because he's hot.

9. As a big surprise, a movie star is here. You and this person are off to visit, film a PSA, and give 100,000 dollars to your favorite charity in your name. Who is with you?
Cool!! In addition to the cast of SATC? And Gwen? Crap, I don't know. I'd probably pick Kate Winslet. I love her. Or maybe Renee Zellweger. NO!!!! I would pick Mike Myers. Definitely. Final answer.

9a. What is the Charity?
Something related to alcoholism, like The American Council on Alcoholism. Or a homeless dog rescue organization.

10. Time for the party. Describe the location or theme.
I have always wanted to go to a masquerade where everyone is in full-on, head-to-toe, super elaborate costume and you spend the evening trying to figure out who everyone is. I'd want it to be sort of a Mardi-Gras theme...lots of peacock feathers and jewels. My costume? Cleopatra.

Hell, yeah. So far, my hypothetical birthday is kicking ass. Onwards...

11. Who is the house band? or what is the DJ playing?
all of the musicians I've mentioned here! Lots of danceable hip-hop, pop, Motown, bluegrass, etc. Some 80s. Some alternative. Every song is either great to dance to or great to sing to. Too many artists to list. Lots of Prince and Nelly, definitely. I will just hand him my brand new iPod which is now full of all my songs. There will be absolutely no jazz.

12. Describe the food spread
Didn't I already go over that? Ok, I guess there's hella food at my party. Seems logical enough. Let's see. I'd have a full, open bar, complete with "near beer" and carbonated grape juice for me. A candy bar (minimum 100 varieties of candy). A cigarette bar. A Quesadilla station. A chocolate table (anything and everything chocolate). An ice cream parlor area--at least 30 flavors and toppings. A bake sale (all proceeds benefitting above-mentioned charity). A fruit smoothie station. One of those guys who stands under the heat lamps and wears a tall chef hat while slicing prime rib. A junk food table (complete with Doritos and Oreos). An ice sculpture of Sammy. The waitstaff will serve the following off of silver platters: cocktail shrimp, mini-cheesecake bites, baked brie, chocolate truffles, chicken nuggets from Chik-fil-a, cigarettes, teriyaki chicken strips on little skewers and vicodin. Vases of beautiful and fragrant flowers decorate the tables. Lots of candles and sparkly things. Chandeliers. Did I mention that the waitstaff consists entirely of ex-boyfriends? Who aren't being paid? And don't get to take home any leftover food? Or take breaks? And must apologize profusely to me every time they see me during the party? Yeah. I told you this party kicks ass. Because I'll have your exes there, too, and they will have to do the same thing.


12. Everyone is enjoying your favorite drink, what is it?
It would be a drink invented that day in honor of my birthday. It would be named after me. It would be bubbly and sweet, like me. It would be hot pink in color and the ingredients would probably include Chambord, champagne and ginger ale.

Did I mention that somehow, I magically look 25 pounds thinner in all the pictures from the party? Because I do.

Did I mention that everyone makes a toast to me? And then everyone breaks out into song, because they've all been practicing on a very funny song written especially for me? Yeah.

13. Tell us about your birthday cake?
Right now, all I can think about is the chocolate-cherry pie filling cake that KT is making for me, so it would probably be that. Or pineapple upside-down cake made by my mom. Or the poundcake that K's mom makes. It has cream cheese icing. Mmmm. No, I think KT will win. Chocolate is sounding pretty good right now.

14. It's time for your big gift, what thing do you want most?
A brand new red convertible!!!!! It would be made by Honda, stick shift, V8, seats 4, has an iPod adapter, tinted windows, killer sound system, tires that never go flat, drink holders that actually work the way they should and gets 84 miles to the gallon....*sigh* This car exists. It's my hypothetical birthday.

15. Finally, before bed, you are given a special gift or jewelry by your significant other which means so much as a symbol of your relationship. What is it?

his absence??? LOL

I don't have a significant other. I'd probably be too pooped by this point to care, either! Although, I'd probably get Hot Neighbor drunk at my party so I could seduce him. *daydreams for a minute*

But if I had a S.O., I'd want a big, honkin' canary diamond ring. Not necessarily an engagement ring. Just a big phatty, blinged out ring. Yellow diamond. Ooh, probably from Tacori. Anything from them, actually.

16. If 15 doesn't fit you or if you and your significant other want someone to join you, who do you take to bed with you? I told you it was a special day! Pick anyone/anything.

Besides Hot Neighbor? Besides Sammy? (I can't sleep unless he's in the bed!) Duh. I would pick Dr. Hunktastic himself: Julian McMahon from Nip/Tuck. We will have lots of sex and babies one day. He's the one who just gave me the phatty ring.

Happy Hypothetical Birthday to Me! What would yours be like? More importantly, am I invited?

The House-Warming Party

My party was so much fun! I wish all my readers who live far away could have been there. Unfortunately, the pictures aren't ready yet. But at least this time, I actually took pictures.

K and I spent Friday night buying stuff for the party and baking. Navy Guy, my roommate's ex-boyfriend, made a surprise visit and ended up helping us get ready for the party. Saturday morning, we cleaned and organized the house, with Navy Guy's help. Saturday afternoon, he left to go home and so we went back to more cooking and baking. Here was our menu:

Bacon-Cream-Cheese Wraps
Buffalo Chicken Dip
Brandyn's Mexican Dip
Chicken Fingers
Cheese Ball with Crackers
Veggies and Dip
Pumpkin Bread
Chocolate Chip Cookies
Lemon Bars
Turtle Brownies
Beer

I think that was it...I'm sure I'm forgetting something because we had truckloads of food. So much was left over, in fact, that I took tons of stuff over to my guy friends, The Wild Youngins, the next day. J-Rich, JD and the rest of the crew were really excited when I dropped off 2 bags of food, a case of beer and a case of Dr. Pepper at their house. They, along with Blonde, Nurse P, a couple of coworkers, Stuckey, my girlfriends W & E and their respective boyfriends were the only ones who couldn't make it to the party. But we still had a nice-sized crowd anyway.

My friends trickled in and out from 4pm onwards, with the party peaking around 8:30pm. I saw a lot of K's friends: The Preacher's Son and his wife, Mr. Bill, Sassy and her boyfriend. I got to see some of my friends, too: Brunette, my real estate agent, German Nurse's parents, some coworkers, Healthy Girl and her hubby, an old boss and her hubby... One of the reasons I like to throw parties is because I get to see most of my friends in one night, without leaving my house. This party was a perfect example of that. And you know what? My friends give really great housewarming gifts. I cleaned up! I can't wait to use all my new stuff. Wanna see what I got? Ok.

How cute is this serving set??? KT and MJ have great taste.



This was from my coworkers K-Rod and L. They know how much I love Mexican food and how much I envied K-Rod's Quesadilla maker when she brought it in one day. Good work, co-workers!



My other coworker gave me tea towels that look a lot like these. (I love tea towels. I think I have about 20 already.) She also got me a candle and some soaps.

I got some more candles, a wind chime, a basket, another utensil set, a couple more serving platters, two gift cards to Pier One...like I said, I cleaned up. Woo-hoo!

I even got to meet two new people. I love it when I expect to only see old friends at my parties, and then end up meeting new people too. I got to meet "Ahty" and his dog, Halo. (She's a Boston Terrier, too.) Ahty also brought his friend Clay Aiken. (No, he wasn't really Clay Aiken, but he kinda looked like him. Only...not as gay. Kinda cute, actually.) So when Ahty and Clay Aiken got there, all hell broke loose.

And by hell, I mean Sammy. He began barking at Halo and terrorizing her. They took turns fighting over the tennis ball and generally making a lot of noise. Mostly, Sammy barked at her because he wanted her to play with him. She thought it would be more fun if she just played keep-away with the ball. Chaos ensued.

Soon, MJ and KT arrived. They brought MJ's boyfriend Steve. (Ahty and Clay are friends of Steve's.) At this point in the evening, there were lots of people in my house and the dog barking was starting to get really old. Steve asked me if I watched The Dog Whisperer with Caesar Millan. I said no, which is surprising, considering how much I love dogs. Steve explained a little bit of Caesar's philosophy, and then demonstrated on Sammy. It was like night and day, y'all. Sammy went from this obnoctious, high-strung, barking dog to the meek and obedient pup that he normally is when no one's at the house. I was an instant convert. I can't wait to check out an episode.

By 10:30, we began talking about transferring the party to the bars. One of our favorite local bands, 88 Rewind, was playing at The Flying Saucer. KT, MJ, me, K, Steve, The Preacher's Son, Ahty, Clay Aiken and a couple other people went there to check it out. As usual, 88 Rewind didn't disappoint with their great covers of all the 80s songs you know and love.

What was just as entertaining, though, was Clay Aiken, who proceeded to spend most of the time there sucking face with a very, very drunk girl. He had to hold her up half the time. We were all laughing about it and teasing him. We even got it on film. Hee hee.

By 2:30, K and I were pretty pooped, so we left our friends and went home to crash. I didn't wake up yesterday until 1pm! I haven't slept in that late in at least a year! I dragged myself out of bed and ran some errands. I happened upon a department store here in town that's in the process of closing. Not surprisingly, they had a fantastic sale going on. So, of course, I bought more shoes. (I saved a fortune, too! They would have been $300 for both pairs at full price, but I snagged both pairs for $40!!)

Unfortunately, I can't find any pics of them online, so I'll just have to take my own pics and post them later. I need to show a lot of my shoes, actually. I should make a shoe post and show you my collection....hmmm...

Anyway, then I went back over to the Wild Youngins' house to watch the Colts/Patriots game with them. I was glad to see the Colts win, as I am somewhat of a fan. Can't wait for Superbowl Sunday!!