For those of you who think my posts this week have been kind of boring, do not fear. This one's juicy.
And I don't really care who reads this or what they think. I'm going to lay it all out on the line. The whole truth and nothing but. I'm not holding back on this one. (See? I told ya this was juicy.)
So this morning I was on myspace. (Some of you are groaning already, I can hear you!) By browsing around on some friends' and friend-of-friends' pages, I managed to put two and two together:
My ex-boyfriend has a girlfriend. That's right. Repo is dating someone.
After about 45 minutes of crying and some phone calls and emails to my wonderfully supportive friends (you know who you are), I felt like I was going to hurl.
Was I hurt? You betcha. I was crushed. He'd rather be with someone else. Enough to date her and refer to her as "girlfriend". I had always secretly hoped we would get back together, because honestly, my feelings for him never really went away. We still talk and flirt. My ego was majorly bruised-- I had always hoped I'd be the first to find someone, the first to officially move on. I know he hasn't always been Mr. Perfect by any wild stretch of the imagination, but you can't help whom you love. So this was kind of a blow.
Then again, it's not like I didn't realize today was going to happen eventually. I wish that knowing that would help you prepare, but it doesn't. It's still upsetting.
So I was crying and feeling hurt about it, until I thought..."Hey...wait a second..."
[Ok, this is the part that is really hard for me to admit on my blog...because to be honest, I'm pretty ashamed of myself...so be kind, peeps. I know what I've done is stupid.]
My wheels started turning. You see, the thing is, I've been sleeping with him on and off since we broke up last July. As recently as a couple of weeks ago. He's told me he misses me, he's lonely, thinks about me, etc. The whole spiel. (He gave me the spiel in Oct-Nov-ish. It was mushy enough to keep me going and believing that something might actually happen between us again one day.)
So for me to read that he has a girlfriend, my first thought is obviously, "Ok, how long have they been dating? And how do I find out?"
A mutual friend, of course. I texted her.
Well, it turns out that he's been dating the girl since early October. Yeah...so I have been The Other Woman for 4 months. This is not how I roll. I am not cool with this at all. I felt terrible about unknowingly being "that girl". His poor girlfriend probably had no idea! He'd been lying to me about being single all this time. (Every time he came over, it would come up and we would ask each other if we were dating anyone. He told me every time he was single. Not dating anyone.) He had been lying to her. Making both of us look like idiots. (When really, I can make a complete idiot out of myself, by myself. I don't need any help in that department!!)
That's when I started to get pissed off. Which, as my fellow females know, feels a helluva lot better than feeling hurt. I was mad at him for lying to me, lying to her, putting me and her in these positions, making fools out of us, thinking we were stupid and one of us wouldn't figure it out, thinking that I would cover for him...the list went on and on.
Did I mention he talked shit about a girl we both know because she cheated on her boyfriend???? So he's a hypocrite to boot.
Asshole. Just typing that makes me so pissed at myself for even dating him in the first place. I've had adreneline surging throught my veins since about 11:30am! Where was I? Oh yeah.
So I'm talking to the mutual friend, trying to find out how long they've been dating. "Why?" she asks. Believing that the girlfriend was only an acquaintance of hers, I inform her that I think Repo has been cheating on his girlfriend. With me.
"That asshole! That's my best friend!" she replied.
Oh boy. Well, shit. Me and my big mouth. I thought she just knew the girl, I didn't know they were friggin best friends. Now the cat was out of the bag. Oops. I hadn't planned on telling the girlfriend, but it was really too late for that. (Then again, I wasn't going to lose any sleep over it, either. He's an asshole and brought all of this upon himself.)
"What should we do?" we both asked.
"She should hear it from you so she gets it from the horse's mouth," she said.
"No one wants to hear that from a stranger! Tell her to call me if she wants to and I will tell her everything she needs to know. And tell her I am sorry and that I would never ever do that to someone if I knew."
She said she'd tell the girlfriend and call me back. She did, and they called me. The three of us talked about it--they asked me questions, I gave them information--where, when, what he said, what I knew, what I didn't know, etc. Lots of details. I told her I was really sorry to be the bearer of bad news, but no one wants to be the last to know or be made a fool. I told her that although I wasn't as hurt as she probably was, that I was also hurt by him. He had lied to both of us. I apologized to her because I never ever would have done what I did had I known he was dating someone. I told her I asked him several times if he was dating someone and he said he wasn't. I said I knew no one likes hearing all of this, especially from a stranger, but she should probably know. She said she was sorry too. But she thanked me and got off the phone.
A little bit later, she texted me to say that he was denying everything and blaming the whole thing on me. Saying that I was just causing trouble. She apologized for the way he was behaving. I told her not to believe him, because he was putting lies on top of lies. I told her I have proof -- because I do. (Seriously, what a moron! Just fess up! The show's over! You've been called out. Try and save a little bit of dignity!! Own up to your faults like a man!)
Then she said something very interesting: "He has MRSA right now. Do you think he caught it from you?"
[Note to new readers: Repo and I have been suffering from MRSA, a staph infection. We seem to keep giving it back and forth to each other. One doctor did say that it could have been passed through "close, personal, skin-on-skin contact" -- ie, sex. But no one really knows for sure how we caught it or why it keeps coming back. You can read the backstory here. And here. And here.]
Well, the funny thing is, the last MRSA outbreak I had was back in October, just a day after he and I had hooked up. (We had a lull in the booty calls between November and December. So we only seem to be catching MRSA in months where we are hooking up.) Interesting coincidence. So I am thinking that maybe he and I really are just giving it back and forth to each other. I told her there isn't any way to be sure, but that I had caught it from him before, and so maybe he had now caught it from me. I said that it was a possibility.
I don't know if she believes me. She probably hates me. Can't really say I blame her. I can tell she is sorry this whole situation is even taking place. We both apologized to each other a few times. I feel really bad about the timing, too--right before Valentine's Day. But better now than later, right? I mean, if I were being cheated on, I would definitely want to know, ASAP. And although I didn't plan on doing this (I was going to gather information and think about it for a while before making up my mind), I do think he ought to be ashamed of himself. Running all over town, hurting people and lying to them. Talking shit about people who are doing the same thing he's doing! Mr. High and Mighty. When we broke up, he told me he "just didn't have time for a relationship." Well, that's pretty funny, because for the past 4 months, he's had time for TWO at the same time. But the lying and lack of concern for how his actions affect others is what really gets under my skin. And then denying it when he's called out!!!! What a spineless asshole!!!
I don't know if she believed me or not. But based on the extremely pissed off text messages I received from Repo about an hour ago, I can only assume he's in hot water. He thinks I'm "psycho" and "ruining his life". But I didn't intend to start shit. I was just trying to get some info. By the time I got it, it was too late. And to be honest, I won't lose any sleep over it. He has no one to blame but himself. Now three women hate him.
I let him have it, too, when he started giving me shit. I asked him if he had cheated on me, too. Asked him if his mother would be proud of him. Told him he was a hypocrite and an asshole. I think I called him an asshole twice.
I am so glad we broke up. Because if we were still dating, he would probably be cheating on me with her. Now I see him for who he really is. As far as closure goes, this pretty much does it for me.
I am honestly starting to believe men are total scumbags. All of them (except my brothers and my guy pals, that is!).
People wonder what makes women crazy. Or why they are bitches. They wonder why some women are bitter or have attitudes. This is why. I'm pretty much done with men. For a long while. They won't be missed. I am on strike. The whole damn gender can kiss my ass. I don't care if Julian McMahon hits on me. I'll throw the drink in his face and tell him to go...well, you know.
Ok, I need to cool off and go read some blogs until it's 9pm. Then I'm meeting up w/MJ for drinks. We're going to have a bitch-a-thon about how much we hate men. Her day was pretty close to mine. We're both pretty anti-male right now.