OMG where to begin.
Friday night I went to my usual Happy Hour at Wild Wings with E and the rest of the Happy Hour Girls. (Sounds like a band, doesn't it?) This time, I brought along K, MJ and KT. As I was leaving, Hot Neighbor came home and got to see me looking good--finally!!! We made some small talk as K and I got into the car. I knew that was a good sign. Once we got there, I introduced the Happy Hour Girls to everyone else.
Later on, Mack Daddy and J-Rich stopped by Wild Wings to say hi. (They are part of the Wild Youngins crowd. Guy pals of mine who are somewhat younger than I.) By this point, I felt like I knew everyone in the building. It was kind of challenging to circulate between the groups, because we were all spread out.
I caught up with friends, flirted with boys (there were quite a few cuties in there), played matchmaker (unsuccessfully, I might add!) and generally laughed my butt off the whole night. My friends are hysterically funny and I love them. We even created some inside jokes that night. The Happy Hour Girls even bought me a virgin shot since it was my birthday weekend. They ordered a round of Shaved Beavers for everyone, and so my "Virgin Beaver" ended up just being Red Bull, but it was still fun. (OMG I can't wait to see what the Statcounter brings up on that one....)
Despite the fact that I love him like a brother and he is the funniest mo fo around, MJ didn't go for Mack Daddy simply because he's younger than her. By a year. And I guess the fact that maturity-wise, he's at about the level of an 18 year old didn't help....*sigh*. Oh well. I tried. I wish my little sister was older, because I am just nuts about this kid. If he tried hard enough, he could probably get me to wet my pants from laughing.
I was exhausted by the time I got home. The next day, I got up and went to lunch with KT. We grabbed Mexican at my favorite Mexican place, and then hit the mall. I will have to take pics of what I bought so I can share. After that, I raced home and got ready really fast.
I threw on my new cobalt blue satin tank with tie-sleeves, black pencil skirt, black jacket, fishnets and black stiletto pumps. I wore cobalt blue eyeshadow and black liquid liner. (Sounds funky, but it worked.) Somehow, I managed to get my hair to look great, too, in one of those Gwen-Stefani-inspired ponytails. I was quite the little glamour queen, and MJ and KT didn't disappoint, either--we looked smashing, dahling. Yippee!! Time for birthday fun.
MJ and KT had planned on surprising me and taking me somewhere, but apparently KT and I spent too much time shopping (oops), so by the time we went out, it was almost 10pm, so we had few options. We decided to go to my fave restaurant, Yesterday's. (Gee, how awful!) After dinner, I celebrated with a little white friend I will call "Mr. Vicodin". He's fun. (I should probably stop with this before I end up like Matthew Perry. Although, I can totally understand how he got addicted, because these little guys are f-u-n. But the way I see it, other people get drunk, so how is this different? We all have our vices. I've only got like, 10 of them left anyway. What else am I going to do with them?)
Why am I justifying this to my readers on my own blog?? Look, I like vicodin and I take it recreationally. And I will continue to do so until I run out. There. I said it.
After that, we decided to go to Liberty's ("We are dressed for it," we agreed.), where we proceeded to catch a terrible case of the giggles, leading us to take silly photos and have even more inside jokes. Next was The Flying Saucer, with more giggles and finally The Wild Hare, where we proceeded to almost fall off our bar stools from laughing so hard. According to MJ and KT, I am very "entertaining" when on vicodin. They like Vicodin VB. And I have to confess, I enjoy being her, despite the fact that I slur my words and totally forget what I'm saying halfway through the sentence.
We closed down the bars and they took me home. I was totally exhausted and didn't get up the next day until 3pm! That is the latest I've slept in in probably a decade. I finally dragged my butt outta bed and took a shower. I was going to run some errands when I remembered I needed to change my air filter. I don't have a ladder, so I needed to borrow one.
Hmmm...who should I ask??
Why, Hot Neighbor, of course. It went like this:
*knocks on door*
*Hot Neighbor and 2/3 of his children answer the door. He looks fantastic and the sunlight catches his golden-brown eyes. The tshirt, which is tight against his pecs and arms doesn't hurt, either.*
VB: Hi, sorry to bother you, but do you have a ladder I could borrow?
HN: Did you say a lighter? You want to borrow a lighter?
VB [to herself: Shit, did I say lighter?]: No, I need a ladder. I have to change my air filter.
HN [shouting to his mom]: Mom, can you watch the kids for a second? [to me] I don't have a ladder, but I can see if I can still change it for you.
VB: Oh, thank you so much! [Oh crap! Is my house a total wreck? What is out that could embarrass me to no end? Crap. I can't think of anything. That means something embarrassing is inevitably out in the middle of the living room. Gah, I hope he doesn't see my bedroom. It is a total disaster zone.]
*We go to my house. Sammy likes him. This is a good sign. Then again, Sammy likes everyone.*
*Nothing embarrassing is out. Whew.*
HN: I just need to stand on this chair. I promise I won't break it.
VB: Oh that's ok. I don't really like that chair anyway. [That is not true, but whatever.]
*HN reaches up to open vent and replaces it for me. I try not to look up his shirt while he's standing on the chair. Must. Not. Look. Or. All. Will. Be. Lost.*
VB: Thank you so much. That is really nice of you.
HN: Hey, it's nice to know I'm good for something around here.
VB: Well, if you need more to do, I can think of a few things.
HN: Oh yeah? Like what? [He is inching towards me as I back up against a wall. Eeeek!]
VB: Oh, you know....things....
*He lays a big one right on me!!! Holy schnikes!!!!*
Ok, that's not really what happened. If it was, that would have been the first thing I would have blogged about today. Duh! You are so gullible.
Ok, here's what actually happened in reality, as opposed to inside my head.
HN: Well, it's nice to know I'm good for something around here.
VB: It's a 3 month filter, so you don't have to worry. I won't be bothering you for a while.
HN: Oh, that's ok. It's just me over there, I'm by myself most of the time.
VB: Well, that can be remedied.
HN: Yeah? You got any ideas?
VB: [a slow smile creeps across my face] A few.
HN: Care to share?
VB: Uh-huh. [I grab him, pull him to me and give him a big smooch!]
Ok, that didn't happen either. After he said he was alone most of the time (awwww!), I thanked him again and he left. Yeah. It was a lot more interesting in my head. Sorry, guys. But K thinks he was hinting around with the "I'm lonely over there in my house, all by myself most of the time" comment. I don't put as much stock into it. She seems to think he's really into me, but I don't see it. Not in reality, anyway. Inside my head, we spent the rest of the afternoon in my bedroom. My brain has already worked out all the details, you see.
I did find out that he's got his kids every other weekend. Useful information.
*sigh* I guess I will just have to pine away for him. And check him out by peeking through my kitchen window. (Is that weird that I do that? Ugh, I am stalking my neighbor.)
The good thing is, I now know the following things about him:
1. He might know how to fix stuff.
2. He probably doesn't have a girlfriend.
3. He might be lonely.
4. He is nice enough to help me with stuff. Even when his kids are over.
5. He wears those tshirts a lot.
Whew. Ok, subject change before I need a cigarette. (I'm quitting soon! I swear!!!)
The Oscars. Did anyone else notice the conspicuous absence of the following people?
1. Renee Zellweger
2. Jennifer Aniston
3. Vince Vaughn
4. Michael Douglas & Catherine Zeta-Jones
5. Charlize Theron
6. Halle Berry
7. Courtney Cox-Arquette and her hubby
8. Jake Gyllenhaal
9. Selma Hayek
10. Heath Ledger and Michelle What's-Her-Name
11. Uma Thurman
12. Sandra Bullock and her hubby
13. Keira Knightley
14. Sienna Miller
15. Hilary Swank
16. Lisa Kudrow
17. Ben Stiller & wife
18. Luke and Owen Wilson
19. Jennifer Garner (I saw Ben Affleck, so maybe she was there somewhere...)
20. Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie
21. Katie Holmes (again, I saw Tom, but not her)
22. Natalie Portman
23. Claire Danes
24. Drew Barrymore
There are more I'm sure I haven't thought of, but doesn't this list seem kind of strange? I mean, I know there are only so many tickets available, but some of these are big names! I guess a lot of them didn't have movies this year, or they were in comedies....or television...I don't know how it works as far as who gets invited. But it seems there were a lot of conspicuous absences.
Time to play Fashion Police for a second. My favorites were Rachel Weisz, Cate Blanchett and Reese Witherspoon. The Worst Dressed goes to Faye Dunaway, Kirsten Dunst and Jennifer Hudson (she should have left that jacket at home!). Wanna see what I'm talking about? See the pics here.
Play Fashion Police with me! Who did you like/hate?
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17 comments:
1. mmm.. that vicodin sounds kind of fun! I need to try that sometime instead of just drinkin'!
2. The stories in your head are fascinating -- they had me on the edge of my seat anxious with anticipation...
3. Ellen did a good job at the Oscar's, dontcha think? And I loved the montage with Will Farrel and Jack Black.
3.1. What the hell was Nicole Kidman wearing?? And why was everyone kissing up to Leonardo decaprio? And how great was it that Robert Downey jr. looked like he was on his own case of the vicotin!
You should get an oscar for playing: "I love you, hot neighbor... but I'll pretend I just want you around to change my air filter..."
Dude... you know I only dig guys around 30... balding, maybe salt-and-pepper hair if I'm lucky! At least a guy that hides his total immaturity from the general public...
Your weekend sounds great.
I had no idea it even WAS the Oscars. How sad is that? (Until this morning...)
Dude, he wants you. Wants. You. Trust me, I have male neighbors and ain't none of them ever offered to change my air filter. (That sounds oddly sexual.)
He want so hinting around with the alone thing. You should invite him over to hang out -- is it warm there yet? I'm thinking an impromptu barbeque the next time you see him over there alone ... picture this, "Hi, [Hot Neighbor], do you have any meat you'd like to put on my fire?"
I dare you. :P
i LOVE your HN stories! they crack me up. you need to take a spy photo of him and post it so we can gawck at him, too!
You're turning into Ally McBeal..
A Picture! That's a great idea! I have yet to see this elusive 'hot neighbor.' ... but I'm sure you could get a good shot of him out the kitchen window, VB!!
ha!
I thought nicole kidman was scary as could be. She freaks me out!
Your list is right on...there were a lot of people missing. I think the rules a/b invitations to the Oscars are as follows:
If you have been previously nominated, you are in. If you're in a movie that has been nominated for this current year or you are nominated, you're in.
That's what I've gathered. Oh yeah, you don't have to go if you get the invite.
Sounds like you had a killer weekend! And there's nothing wrong with a little vicoden here or there! ;-)
SGB-- i don't want to push them, but let me just say that i wouldn't protest if a doc wrote me a Rx....
glad you like my overactive imagination.
yeah, i thought ellen did a decent job. i liked nicole kidman's dress. and i don't know why everyone was loving leo, either. *shrugs*
MJ-- LOL i'm probably not as good at faking it as i would like to think....and ha ha about the immaturity comment. fine. see if i ever set you up with anyone ever again.
so, were you kidding about the salt and pepper? because HN kinda has salt and pepper hair....
lisa-- LOL, the only reason i ever remember is because it's always near my birthday
CBS-- really? you think so??? LOL at the "meat for my fire" comment. that is awesome. if i could do it with a straight face, i would!
megan-- ok, the last thing i need is ideas which could blow up in my face and blow my cover.
why do i keep saying "blow"??
i'm a perv even when i'm not trying to be.
burg-- hopefully i'm not quite as neurotic. right???
MJ-- i don't know. you like salt and pepper hair, apparently. i don't need any competition. :D actually, i really should try to take a pic....somehow....
No worries on the competition, dahling.... I've done the 'guy with three kids' thing and I will neva, eva, evah! do that again...
When I had my wisdom teeth take out, I was given a prescription for 30 vicodin pills. I ended up only taking 2 1/2 of them. If I knew of you then, I would have gladly enabled your addiction... :o)
Rachel Weisz is so effin' beautiful, I want to cry when I look at her.
And my doctor has put me on vicodin before, for chronic pain. I confess I HATE the way it makes me feel. Being drunk is soooo much better!
danger will robinson! (a reference of which you are likely too young to recognize - gah!) lusting after HN is akin to lusting after Hot Co-Worker or Hot I'd-Have-To-See-You-Everyday-If-Things-Got-Uncomfortable.
just saying.
That said, I've lived here for 3+ years, and have yet to run into my immediate neighbors. AND, I once had a 2-week fling with a guy who lives 2 blocks from me, and once we finally got into bed, he said the MOST nasty things, which, while titilating, made me feel so uncomfortable AS A NEIGHBOR, so I had to end it. I now get off a whole bus stop PAST, just to avoid walking past his condo windows. Gah!
So, hell with caution - GO FOR IT! hehehee.
(and I can't be held responsible for the content of this comment, for I too, due to dental work, am ON VICODIN!)
i love your hot neighbor fantasies. but girl, i think you can make those a reality!
i am so with you on kirsten dunst and jennifer hudson. and meryl streep - what is up with that hippie disheveled look?? loved kate winslet and reese witherspoon.
You got me. I totally thought that first "story" was true.
Hopefully it works out with you and your neighbor!
MJ-- oh, right. i forgot. i might need your expertise one day...
behind-- you THREW THEM AWAY??? i am so disappointed in you. ;)
teahouse-- yes, being drunk is better. but i don't have quite as big of a mouth when i'm on vicodin. this is good, as that's the last thing i need. the other good thing about vicodin is that there is no hangover.
t-- yes, you are right! i know. there are little orange cones all along his yard. it's hazardous. and risky. maybe that's why i have such a big crush? thank you for the reminder and Tale of Warning. i am keeping it in mind, trust me. i hope you are enjoying your vicodin as much as i do. :)
meish-- really? you think so? and yeah, meryl streep looked awful. but she's meryl streep. she can wear whatever the hell she wants. funny how good actresses are often bad dressers (emma thompson is another example). guess you can't be good at everything!
rwa-- really?! that is so funny. i didn't think i'd actually get anyone to buy that! LOL
ok so i don't think it's very nice of u to dupe your adoring fans, and then call us gullible. LOL
but i don't see anything u did here that woulda ruined your chances. ok ... and then the mother side of me comes out ... are u sure you're ready for someone with 3 kids???! but if u tell me all u want is a roll in the hay, then i'm all for that. LOL
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