Lately, everywhere I turn, I am faced with choices. Not just chocolate-or-vanilla choices. These are big, life-changing choices. I pride myself on being a decisive person (sometimes, too decisive...), but this sudden deluge is making me ponder my life on a grand scale.
My previous supervisor quit last September, which totally stunk. We all miss him. His position is still vacant, and I am qualified for it. He has been encouraging me to apply and has seemed disappointed that I haven't done so. After kicking this idea around for months, I just applied for it. Before doing so, I spoke with Big Boss about it, and she really liked the idea, especially since she was just told there's no money in the budget for her to fly potential candidates in for an interview. She also told me that she is really needing to fill it soon. I told her my concern with applying was that I'd be supervising The Gorilla (my awful, awful coworker). She told me that she had already been thinking about how to restructure the staff so a different person would supervise him -- this is a relief to me, but it means the new girl (who we all adore) would end up supervising him. This makes me feel like an asshole. How can I do that to someone? Big Boss said she had been planning on making this change before I talked to her, but I would still feel like a jerk. Then again, this new girl is probably the only one of us who doesn't have bad blood with him and the personality to handle him.
Big Boss said that if they don't let her actually hire someone (remember, we are still in financial cutbacks here at the moment), she may put me in it temporarily, which is fine -- it's still something I can put on my resume, and I can still ask for some extra money. I'm secretly crossing my fingers that the higher ups will tell her she's got to eliminate some positions, and then we can just get rid of The Gorilla!
Obviously, she cannot guarantee that I'll get it (I know she likes 2 other applicants who have applied), but based on her reaction to my interest (excited and relieved), I feel I stand a good chance. If I do get to cross this bridge, I would like to talk to Big Boss about creating some sort of hybrid thing for me until my position could be filled. I don't want to leave my staff hanging. We can barely function with 3 full time people. What would my staff think? It would mean a LOT more work for them if my position goes vacant, even for a couple of months.
So I am a little conflicted about my decision. I went ahead and did it because this step up the ladder would open up new positions for me for the rest of my career -- after a position like this, I could run any library, more or less. I am getting a little burned out in my current post, too. I'm ready for more responsibility and new duties. And just because I move up here at this school doesn't mean that I can't still look for jobs in Virginia. Might as well make some extra bucks while I'm figuring out how to get out of this town. So, I went for it. We'll see.
Of course, the next day, I found a super-awesome job at a museum in Richmond. I am fairly qualified for it, and I'm going to apply for that, too. I guess when it rains, it pours!
There are also some big choices in my dating life (er, lack thereof!). I don't talk about it much on here, but I am growing more religious as I get older. Maybe it's maturity or life experience, but I have come to find that prayer and attending church has added so much richness to my life. I recently started attending a church I really like, and I've been meeting with a Bible Study group for almost a year now. I absolutely love my Bible Study friends. It is the most supportive and wise group of girls I have ever met.
Last time we met, my Bible Study group talked about dating, sex and marriage -- and how to do these things in a Christian way. Our group is made up of single, dating and married women -- so there are lots of perspectives. One of the things that all the (happily, I might add) married women said was that none of them had sex with their husbands before marriage. Even if they weren't virgins when they met their hubbies, they did not have sex with them until their Honeymoon. Some of them didn't even kiss!!!
This is a completely foreign concept to me. I happily turned my V-card in about 10 years ago, and have never looked back. I don't regret it. I look forward to the next time I get to partake (in case you didn't realize that after reading about NYE Guy!). This is pretty much in direct conflict with how I'm supposed to be living. I haven't figured out how to reconcile "Being a Christian Girl" with "Major Enjoyment of Lotsa Sex with Non-Husbands" yet. But you know, we're all works in progress.
These married friends of mine all said that in addition to strengthening their faith, that this enabled their relationships to strengthen -- for the right reasons. They really got to know each other and their relationships had better priorities. While I totally see this, and can see how removing sex would enable you to really get to know someone better before marriage, I am just not sure if I could actually do it. I mean, I realize that I should probably *ahem* wait longer to jump in the sack with new guys, but the thought of ZERO sex(or even a little messin' around!) makes my face go pale and my stomach queasy. I'm not one of those people who thinks you have to sleep with someone before you marry them -- I'm one of those people who just REALLY likes sex. It's like someone is telling me to enjoy summer...without flipflops, ice cream or the beach. It sorta takes out some of the best parts about having a boyfriend! I guess I don't think it's that big of a deal to get my freak on and enjoy it. I'm sure if I was still a virgin, I'd think differently. But I know what I'd be missing out on.
But this strategy worked for them. Perhaps they are on to something. If I do abstain completely *gulp* with someone I'd really like to get to know, I'm sorry to say it would be for practical/secular reasons, rather than religious. I definitely agree it would force you to get to know that person very well. If I met someone who I could take seriously, I will try to wait as long as possible. But what about those guys you don't want to marry? I meet them a lot. Can't I have some fun?
And maybe it's just a coincidence that these girls didn't do it with their now-hubbies, which resulted in a marriage proposal. There are tons of couples out there who are happily married and boinked plenty of times before walking down the aisle. Right? I mean, looking back on it, all the sex (and it was good!) didn't stop me and Ex-Fiancee from getting to know each other/deciding if we were a good fit outside of the bedroom. The good sex didn't save our relationship.
I know this is a bridge I can cross when I get to it, but I've been thinking about it a lot. Then again, I think about boinking a lot in general. LOL Maybe it's good that I don't have a boyfriend or dating life right now. I gotta figure out some stuff.
Showing posts with label I am a hornball. Show all posts
Showing posts with label I am a hornball. Show all posts
Saturday, January 15, 2011
Sunday, January 09, 2011
Bringing Sexy Back
Happy New Year!!!! I am so glad it's 2011. I don't know if it's because of my determination to get back to the old me or if it's because of my fabulous New Year's weekend, but I am so happy and optimistic about everything right now. I know this will be a great year. I can just feel it!!! Warm fuzzies, everyone. I am Suzie Effing Sunshine right now!!!!!!
Sorry, I will take it down a notch.
But I have super awesome news!!!! And I need your help.
You see, there is (drumroll, please) Boy News. And true to form, I either messed up or I just completely do not understand the opposite sex. Still. * sigh * I know. But where would this blog be, if it weren't for my dating/hook-up antics?
New Year's Eve was just going to be another VB-sits-on-her-couch type of weekend, until I began to miss MJ and remembered that Mr. Bill was having a party. And what is New Year's for if not hanging out with old friends? So I told them I would come up. MJ informs me that Rocky (a member of The Rat Pack, if you remember those posts -- if you don't know what I am talking about, you should search for these posts in my archives) was coming to SC for New Year's Eve.
And he was bringing a buddy of his.
"Anyone I know?" I asked, ever-so-innocently.
"Nope, this one's a new one," she said.
Hmmm. He will probably be cute. Or at least fun. Definitely worthy of leg-shaving, I thought, as I packed a "boobie shirt" to wear when we went out for New Year's. [Side note: does anyone else call them "boobie shirts"? Or is it just me?]
Rocky's friends are always cute and fun. I was starting to get a little excited about this. So I went to bed kind of excited for my short drive the next day.
I arrived in Columbia just in time for a late lunch with MJ, Rocky and his friend, who I will dub NYE Guy. NYE Guy was cute, and extremely funny, as I soon found out. Later, I would discover that he is also kind of geeky (he likes to go to museums!) -- <3 Swoon <3
I started to get that feeling that it was going to be a great weekend. WOOT!
After eating, we went back to MJ's house and hung out for a bit before getting ready for Mr. Bill's party. I put on my boobie shirt and slapped on some extra eyeliner and heels. What? What was that? I felt kinda....hot. What a great feeling. It had been so long since I've felt that way. This feeling could best be described as the boring, depressed iceberg version of VB melting back into happy and exciting VB.
I was bringing sexy back.
So we head to Mr. Bill's. It was really great to see him, as well as a couple other people I knew. My only regret is that I didn't get a chance to talk to Mr. Bill as much as I wanted. So Mr. Bill, if you're reading this -- hi!!!! I spent most of my time at the party laughing with MJ, Rocky and NYE Guy, as well as a girl I will call "Other MJ" and her hilarious best friend who I will call Vietnam. We were our usual perverted selves, and there was a joke about empty beer bottles which even I cannot repeat. Hilarity and antics ensued, in other words.
Soon, it was almost time for the ball to drop. Rocky began asking everyone who they are kissing at midnight. I was sitting next to NYE Guy and when Rocky asked him, he turns to me and informs me that he wanted to kiss me. I giggled like a 12 year old. And so he did. And it was great.
Not long after, we all took the party to Art Bar, a fun bar in downtown Columbia. There was a masquerade theme happening there, so we had fun with all the masks laying around. NYE Guy and I kept sneaking away to dark corners to make out. Yay! So far, 2011 was rocking.
Fast forward to 4am, when I am still awake (!) and still in a good mood (!). But all good things must come to an end, and it was time to go home. So I drove MJ, Rocky, NYE Guy and Vietnam back to MJ's house. Shortly after that, NYE Guy and I are continuing our make-out session, and it was so much fun! He is so fun....sorry, I can't go into details.....no way to explain without being overly descriptive....ah, memories....where was I? Oh yes, so we didn't do anything R-rated or anything, but that was mostly due to the fact that it was 5am and we were exhausted! After messing around for a bit, he realized that we could just continue this the next night -- hooray for 3 day weekends!!! So we fell asleep....
...and picked up right where we left off in the morning when we woke up!
...but still did not *ahem* complete the transaction, if you get my drift. No worries. There was still another night to go! Yes. Best weekend ever.
He and I got up (at 1pm)and joined the others for food and then all 4 of us went to a museum. After that, we ate and then went back to MJ's to watch some movies. Soon, it was time for bed (YAY!) because the guys had to drive back to NYC the next day. I don't think I have ever been so excited to put on my jammies ever in my whole life. Especially with the hope that they would soon be removed by this yummy beefcake funny guy. So I get into bed while he's brushing his teeth. He climbs in and....
wants to spoon.
W.
T.
F.
Ok, fine, I can meet him halfway, I thought. I nestled in closer to him. Nothing. I made a little moan. Nada. Time for something a little more obvious, I thought. I grabbed his hand and put it on my boob. "Awesome," he said.
And then he promptly fell asleep.
Ok, yes, I know he was probably tired, but so was I. And since when do guys pick sleep over sex? This was so lame. When he started snoring in my ear, I gave up and fell asleep.
The guys left very early the next morning, so I went back to bed after saying goodbye in my sleepy haze. No smooching, even. This is so lame, I thought as I fell asleep.
When I got up, MJ and I decided to get breakfast and get a pedicure to debrief on the night. When I told her about my end of things, she tried her best to help me figure out a reason for my rejection, but we are both at a loss as to why he just wanted to spoon the 2nd night.
By the end of the day, he had friended me on facebook. 3 days later, I messaged him to thank him for posting all the great photos he took from that night. He replied right away and told me that he doesn't like messaging on FB and that I should text him. Cool! I thought. Maybe there is more?
I didn't have time to text him then, so I texted him the next night. I wish I could say that we had a super hawt flirty conversation, but no. We ended up talking about the weather. Why would you ask a girl to text you, only to talk about the weather??? Plus, it was one of those conversations where I felt like I was interviewing him. Hello! Conversations require questions from both parties! It's called "getting to know someone". So I took this to mean that he didn't want to get to know me. He's just not that into me. I get it. Fine. Closure. Done.
But then he texted me last night! To talk about beer! Who is this guy??? Argh!
Please feel free to weigh in with your opinions, because I am thinking of re-naming this guy Mr. Mixed Signals. I invited him and Rocky down here for St. Patty's Day. I guess we will see if they come down. Do you think he likes me but he's just bad at flirting? Should I be more obvious w/flirty texts??? Who am I kidding. This is classic Just Not That Into Me.
It's good that I am blogging right now, because it is preventing me from messaging him on FB. Must. Fight. Temptation. MJ thinks I am reacting like this because I haven't met anyone in a long time and I'm just overreacting. I don't know. All I know is that I was not done making out with him!!!! And he makes me laugh. A lot. *sigh*
Alright, here's the part that is (almost as) cool. Ever since our little make-out sesh, I have felt like sex on a stick. I think I just needed some validation or to break the ice or something. I feel like I have come back to life! I am happy, I feel like a hot babe, I suddenly have all this confidence. It's wonderful! I should be slutty more often. ;)
Which brings me to my New Year's Resolution:
The be sexier.....and slightly sluttier.
This is the BEST resolution ever. Because it's a way more fun way to diet and exercise. I have managed to fool my brain into thinking this is fun. I am fully embracing the Hot Girl Lifestyle. And it's so much fun! I went for a run yesterday -- over a mile! And it was great! My whole goal is to never be home -- Hot Girls are out busy doing stuff and meeting people. Oh crap. Hot Girls also go to bed by this time of night....unless they are making out. I should go, y'all.
2011 is gonna be a great year. I can feel it.
Sorry, I will take it down a notch.
But I have super awesome news!!!! And I need your help.
You see, there is (drumroll, please) Boy News. And true to form, I either messed up or I just completely do not understand the opposite sex. Still. * sigh * I know. But where would this blog be, if it weren't for my dating/hook-up antics?
New Year's Eve was just going to be another VB-sits-on-her-couch type of weekend, until I began to miss MJ and remembered that Mr. Bill was having a party. And what is New Year's for if not hanging out with old friends? So I told them I would come up. MJ informs me that Rocky (a member of The Rat Pack, if you remember those posts -- if you don't know what I am talking about, you should search for these posts in my archives) was coming to SC for New Year's Eve.
And he was bringing a buddy of his.
"Anyone I know?" I asked, ever-so-innocently.
"Nope, this one's a new one," she said.
Hmmm. He will probably be cute. Or at least fun. Definitely worthy of leg-shaving, I thought, as I packed a "boobie shirt" to wear when we went out for New Year's. [Side note: does anyone else call them "boobie shirts"? Or is it just me?]
Rocky's friends are always cute and fun. I was starting to get a little excited about this. So I went to bed kind of excited for my short drive the next day.
I arrived in Columbia just in time for a late lunch with MJ, Rocky and his friend, who I will dub NYE Guy. NYE Guy was cute, and extremely funny, as I soon found out. Later, I would discover that he is also kind of geeky (he likes to go to museums!) -- <3 Swoon <3
I started to get that feeling that it was going to be a great weekend. WOOT!
After eating, we went back to MJ's house and hung out for a bit before getting ready for Mr. Bill's party. I put on my boobie shirt and slapped on some extra eyeliner and heels. What? What was that? I felt kinda....hot. What a great feeling. It had been so long since I've felt that way. This feeling could best be described as the boring, depressed iceberg version of VB melting back into happy and exciting VB.
I was bringing sexy back.
So we head to Mr. Bill's. It was really great to see him, as well as a couple other people I knew. My only regret is that I didn't get a chance to talk to Mr. Bill as much as I wanted. So Mr. Bill, if you're reading this -- hi!!!! I spent most of my time at the party laughing with MJ, Rocky and NYE Guy, as well as a girl I will call "Other MJ" and her hilarious best friend who I will call Vietnam. We were our usual perverted selves, and there was a joke about empty beer bottles which even I cannot repeat. Hilarity and antics ensued, in other words.
Soon, it was almost time for the ball to drop. Rocky began asking everyone who they are kissing at midnight. I was sitting next to NYE Guy and when Rocky asked him, he turns to me and informs me that he wanted to kiss me. I giggled like a 12 year old. And so he did. And it was great.
Not long after, we all took the party to Art Bar, a fun bar in downtown Columbia. There was a masquerade theme happening there, so we had fun with all the masks laying around. NYE Guy and I kept sneaking away to dark corners to make out. Yay! So far, 2011 was rocking.
Fast forward to 4am, when I am still awake (!) and still in a good mood (!). But all good things must come to an end, and it was time to go home. So I drove MJ, Rocky, NYE Guy and Vietnam back to MJ's house. Shortly after that, NYE Guy and I are continuing our make-out session, and it was so much fun! He is so fun....sorry, I can't go into details.....no way to explain without being overly descriptive....ah, memories....where was I? Oh yes, so we didn't do anything R-rated or anything, but that was mostly due to the fact that it was 5am and we were exhausted! After messing around for a bit, he realized that we could just continue this the next night -- hooray for 3 day weekends!!! So we fell asleep....
...and picked up right where we left off in the morning when we woke up!
...but still did not *ahem* complete the transaction, if you get my drift. No worries. There was still another night to go! Yes. Best weekend ever.
He and I got up (at 1pm)and joined the others for food and then all 4 of us went to a museum. After that, we ate and then went back to MJ's to watch some movies. Soon, it was time for bed (YAY!) because the guys had to drive back to NYC the next day. I don't think I have ever been so excited to put on my jammies ever in my whole life. Especially with the hope that they would soon be removed by this yummy beefcake funny guy. So I get into bed while he's brushing his teeth. He climbs in and....
wants to spoon.
W.
T.
F.
Ok, fine, I can meet him halfway, I thought. I nestled in closer to him. Nothing. I made a little moan. Nada. Time for something a little more obvious, I thought. I grabbed his hand and put it on my boob. "Awesome," he said.
And then he promptly fell asleep.
Ok, yes, I know he was probably tired, but so was I. And since when do guys pick sleep over sex? This was so lame. When he started snoring in my ear, I gave up and fell asleep.
The guys left very early the next morning, so I went back to bed after saying goodbye in my sleepy haze. No smooching, even. This is so lame, I thought as I fell asleep.
When I got up, MJ and I decided to get breakfast and get a pedicure to debrief on the night. When I told her about my end of things, she tried her best to help me figure out a reason for my rejection, but we are both at a loss as to why he just wanted to spoon the 2nd night.
By the end of the day, he had friended me on facebook. 3 days later, I messaged him to thank him for posting all the great photos he took from that night. He replied right away and told me that he doesn't like messaging on FB and that I should text him. Cool! I thought. Maybe there is more?
I didn't have time to text him then, so I texted him the next night. I wish I could say that we had a super hawt flirty conversation, but no. We ended up talking about the weather. Why would you ask a girl to text you, only to talk about the weather??? Plus, it was one of those conversations where I felt like I was interviewing him. Hello! Conversations require questions from both parties! It's called "getting to know someone". So I took this to mean that he didn't want to get to know me. He's just not that into me. I get it. Fine. Closure. Done.
But then he texted me last night! To talk about beer! Who is this guy??? Argh!
Please feel free to weigh in with your opinions, because I am thinking of re-naming this guy Mr. Mixed Signals. I invited him and Rocky down here for St. Patty's Day. I guess we will see if they come down. Do you think he likes me but he's just bad at flirting? Should I be more obvious w/flirty texts??? Who am I kidding. This is classic Just Not That Into Me.
It's good that I am blogging right now, because it is preventing me from messaging him on FB. Must. Fight. Temptation. MJ thinks I am reacting like this because I haven't met anyone in a long time and I'm just overreacting. I don't know. All I know is that I was not done making out with him!!!! And he makes me laugh. A lot. *sigh*
Alright, here's the part that is (almost as) cool. Ever since our little make-out sesh, I have felt like sex on a stick. I think I just needed some validation or to break the ice or something. I feel like I have come back to life! I am happy, I feel like a hot babe, I suddenly have all this confidence. It's wonderful! I should be slutty more often. ;)
Which brings me to my New Year's Resolution:
The be sexier.....and slightly sluttier.
This is the BEST resolution ever. Because it's a way more fun way to diet and exercise. I have managed to fool my brain into thinking this is fun. I am fully embracing the Hot Girl Lifestyle. And it's so much fun! I went for a run yesterday -- over a mile! And it was great! My whole goal is to never be home -- Hot Girls are out busy doing stuff and meeting people. Oh crap. Hot Girls also go to bed by this time of night....unless they are making out. I should go, y'all.
2011 is gonna be a great year. I can feel it.
Tuesday, July 03, 2007
Back to the Drawing Board
Chaotic.
That is the word I would use to describe my life right now. Isn't that also the name of the Britney/K-Fed reality show? I think it is. Don't worry, I haven't shaved my head or anything. Not that I haven't thought about doing it, considering the high number of bad hair days I've been having lately.
It's been one thing after another, these past few weeks. I've got trips and parties and get-togethers and time off, all things which are making me super-busy. I need a vacation from my vacation! *sigh*
Add to that: work has been a little busier than usual, insomnia for two nights straight, medical issues and being broke.
I am so exhausted and have so many things floating around in my brain, this post will probably be choppy. I feel like I'm losing my mind, and after you read this post, I'm certain you will agree.
Where to begin? Hmmm. Let's start with catheters in my bladder. Who doesn't want to read about that? The good news is, it didn't hurt a bit. Seriously, it was no sweat. But I can tell it's one of those procedures (like, say, drawing blood) where, if the person doesn't know what they are doing, it would hurt like crazy. I lucked out.
The bad news is, there is still too much protein in my pee. So I am awaiting my referral to a urologist. Which means: $$$$$$ and probably more catheters. Oh the joy.
I just keep repeating to myself: I. Do. Not. Want. A. Kidney. Stone.
And since I don't want any cavities either, I went to the dentist yesterday. "Oh, I see we have to update your x-rays today!" said the hygienist. I thought, "Oh.....crap. $$$$$$$$$$$" And then, as she was cleaning, and lecturing me about how I am not brushing OR flossing enough/properly, I thought, "I am paying this woman to not only torture me, but to also give me a guilt trip second only to The Czarina's."
Then she hit below the belt: "So, Virginia..........do you smoke?"
Fuckfuckcrapitycrap.
"Yes, sometimes..." I confessed, weakly.
"I can tell. There's some stain discoloration," she deadpanned.
Ugh! What is it with these people?! As if just paying someone to scrape your teeth with metal utensils isn't bad enough, they have to throw in a guilt trip, too. I bet that's a course they take in dental hygiene school: "Guilt Tripping 101" -- it was probably taught by my mother. If I were a dog, my tail would be between my legs during every trip to the dentist. I think people who work there are actually BDSMers in white lab coats, who have managed to figure out a way to support themselves by preying on the phobias of the general public.
After an hour of scraping and scratching, I was finally free to go. Ashamed of myself, I collected the fragments of my dignity and walked out to the front desk. "That's it. I have reached the end of dental humiliation. I'm going to be Superstar Tooth Nazi until my next appointment! And quit smoking, too!!" I thought.
"Ok, that will be $105.00," said the receptionist.
There is a direct relationship between my age and the level of unpleasantness experienced at the dentist's office. Now, not only does it hurt my gumline, it hurts my wallet, too. Oh how I miss the days of my childhood, when a trip to the dentist's office meant only that I got to play with the giant, toy teeth and give the hygienists heart attacks with my sudden fits of giggling. (You see, I have extremely ticklish gums, and when they'd polish my teeth, I would erupt into uncontrollable laughter. I still do it, sometimes.)
Speaking of laughter, I had Lasagna Night on Sunday. MJ, KT, Mr. & Mrs. Bill, J-Rich and Mack Daddy came. We had such a good time. I don't think anyone went to bed hungry! We had a really good time. The only downside was that Cute Neighbor never showed. He never came over to tell me he couldn't make it, and he hasn't come over to apologize for being MIA, either. I find this very rude. Not to mention, a little insulting: it's not like it would be a ton of effort for him to tell me. He wouldn't even have to get into his car.
I don't get it. If your diet consists mainly of Healthy Choice frozen dinners (he told me that's pretty much all he eats), and your cute & single neighbor invites you over for a free, homemade meal, and all you have to do is basically fall out of your front door and grab a fork, then what is the problem? I mean, even if you aren't interested in her romantically, at the very least, you're getting a free dinner. And free beer. Men make no sense to me. And I think I've hit a new low in my pathetic dating life: guys won't even get up off their couches to mooch free food from me. WOW. I am, apparently, just that repulsive.
So, it's back to the drawing board again.
Speaking of drawing....MJ invited me to an art show this past weekend. Four local artists displayed their work, and there was even one piece on which all four of them collaborated. It was fantastic. All four artists have different styles, but their styles meshed well together. MJ's dating The Artist, and his art is....really just incredible stuff. You have to look at the pieces for a looooong time before you can soak it all in. It's been described as "post-modern", but I would describe it more as "Picasso meets Dali meets Pollock meets Dr. Seuss". Normally, I don't "get" modern art, but I really dug his stuff. I wish I had a little extra money lying around, because I would buy something from him. I wish I could find some pictures of his stuff online so I could show you some of his work, but I'll have to let you imagine it from my description above. (MJ-- you need to tell him to set up a flickr account or something!)
We are slowly but surely getting our details worked out for our NYC/Vermont trip next week. I am still so excited, I'm about to burst! Want to see what we've got lined up so far? Here is a photo quiz. Can you guess?
This sounds really stupid, but I'm actually really excited to ride on the subway. And to take the train to Vermont. There isn't much public transportation in SC. So this will be really interesting to me. Heck, this will only be the 5th or 6th airplane trip I've ever been on, so even that will be fun! I'm one of those weird people who gets waaaaay too excited to get on airplanes. I even like the food.
I have always defined a vacation as: "Going somewhere, other than a conference or my mother's house, which requires me to board an airplane to get there." By that definition, this will be my first vacation since Rome, Italy in 2000.
I told MJ I would embarrass her in NYC by asking every waitress/waiter if the restaurant serves grits or mashed sweet potatoes. If she doesn't want me to do this, she should keep my mouth full of some of that delicious NY-style pizza. Mmmmmmmmmmmm......can't wait.
But instead, I think I will stare straight up as we walk down the streets, proclaiming in the thickest of Southern accents, "Well, gaaaaawlee, I ain't never seen no buildin' that high! Shucks!" -- Huh. That came out more like Gomer Pyle. Perhaps I will practice my impression before I get on the plane......I will charm the pants off them "city folk". Hopefully, the cute and single ones.
Oh man. One can only hope......de-panting hotties is one of my favorite things to do......*daydreams*
I have no clue what to pack. I'm tempted to bring nothing but stilettos and cocktail dresses, but I'm sure that's entirely inappropriate. LOL But aren't I supposed to look like this in order to fit in?
I certainly don't want to look like this.....*shudders*
But I'm getting ahead of myself. Before I go to NYC and Vermont, I am being visited by....
The Czarina. *cue Darth Vader theme song*
And Smurf and Czarina's Best Friend are coming, too. They will serve as a no-fly-zone, because otherwise, The Czarina and I would drive each other bonkers. We need referees when we hang out.
The good news is, she wants to buy me some stuff for my house. And I think (fingers crossed, people!) that I can talk her into giving me some money for my NYC trip. Because, if she doesn't, I might have to dig through NYC garbage cans to find something to eat. Oh well. It will be good for the diet if I don't eat for 5 days, right? Maybe I can just eat hot dogs from those street vendors.....
Where was I? Oh yes. The Czarina is coming, with her best friend and my little sister in tow. She hasn't been to Columbia since the day I moved here, 5 years ago, almost to the day. She finally gets to see my house. We will be decorating mi casa, which is nice. We will be visiting some local historic homes and dining out at some of my favorite restaurants, like this one and this one. They will get to meet my coworkers and some of my friends. I think I will give them a little tour of my favorite spots in town. I am thinking we should probably hit the Columbia Museum of Art, since they just got a couple of Renoirs on loan from Chicago, and they have recently expanded their late-Renaissance Dutch painting collection.
And what are my favorite kinds of paintings?????
Anything by Renoir and anything Dutch.
In order to prepare for their visit, I have to take deep breaths, have a cigarette binge, practice nodding my head and saying, "Yes, Mom, you are absolutely right!" and clean my room. I have also stocked up on The Czarina's favorite diet foods:
Eggbeaters
apples
low-fat cheddar cheese
diet tonic water
oatmeal
low-fat cottage cheese
whole wheat bread
bagged lettuce
Ugh. No wonder she's always so cranky. Wouldn't you be, if that was what you ate, 90% of the time? And she wonders why I cannot lose weight. It's because I'd rather be fat than eat that stuff, day in and day out. But this topic deserves its own post, so I will stop there with that little difference in opinion between mother and daughter.
Which reminds me......I need to hide all my "bad" stuff: twizzlers, oreos, birth control pills, ashtray & cigarettes....what am I forgetting?? Oh, those condoms in my purse....which were actually a gag gift, I swear on all things holy......I know you don't believe me, but they were. I just laughed at my friend W's joke and absent-mindedly stuck them in my purse. Oh, come on! You have to believe me. Like I'd even get a chance to use those things, at the rate I'm going. [See paragraph about Cute Neighbor, above.]
The Czarina will be here tomorrow afternoon. So I don't know how often I'll be able to post until she leaves on Sunday. This long-ass, rambling post will probably have to do ya for a few days.
That is the word I would use to describe my life right now. Isn't that also the name of the Britney/K-Fed reality show? I think it is. Don't worry, I haven't shaved my head or anything. Not that I haven't thought about doing it, considering the high number of bad hair days I've been having lately.
It's been one thing after another, these past few weeks. I've got trips and parties and get-togethers and time off, all things which are making me super-busy. I need a vacation from my vacation! *sigh*
Add to that: work has been a little busier than usual, insomnia for two nights straight, medical issues and being broke.
I am so exhausted and have so many things floating around in my brain, this post will probably be choppy. I feel like I'm losing my mind, and after you read this post, I'm certain you will agree.
Where to begin? Hmmm. Let's start with catheters in my bladder. Who doesn't want to read about that? The good news is, it didn't hurt a bit. Seriously, it was no sweat. But I can tell it's one of those procedures (like, say, drawing blood) where, if the person doesn't know what they are doing, it would hurt like crazy. I lucked out.
The bad news is, there is still too much protein in my pee. So I am awaiting my referral to a urologist. Which means: $$$$$$ and probably more catheters. Oh the joy.
I just keep repeating to myself: I. Do. Not. Want. A. Kidney. Stone.
And since I don't want any cavities either, I went to the dentist yesterday. "Oh, I see we have to update your x-rays today!" said the hygienist. I thought, "Oh.....crap. $$$$$$$$$$$" And then, as she was cleaning, and lecturing me about how I am not brushing OR flossing enough/properly, I thought, "I am paying this woman to not only torture me, but to also give me a guilt trip second only to The Czarina's."
Then she hit below the belt: "So, Virginia..........do you smoke?"
Fuckfuckcrapitycrap.
"Yes, sometimes..." I confessed, weakly.
"I can tell. There's some stain discoloration," she deadpanned.
Ugh! What is it with these people?! As if just paying someone to scrape your teeth with metal utensils isn't bad enough, they have to throw in a guilt trip, too. I bet that's a course they take in dental hygiene school: "Guilt Tripping 101" -- it was probably taught by my mother. If I were a dog, my tail would be between my legs during every trip to the dentist. I think people who work there are actually BDSMers in white lab coats, who have managed to figure out a way to support themselves by preying on the phobias of the general public.
After an hour of scraping and scratching, I was finally free to go. Ashamed of myself, I collected the fragments of my dignity and walked out to the front desk. "That's it. I have reached the end of dental humiliation. I'm going to be Superstar Tooth Nazi until my next appointment! And quit smoking, too!!" I thought.
"Ok, that will be $105.00," said the receptionist.
There is a direct relationship between my age and the level of unpleasantness experienced at the dentist's office. Now, not only does it hurt my gumline, it hurts my wallet, too. Oh how I miss the days of my childhood, when a trip to the dentist's office meant only that I got to play with the giant, toy teeth and give the hygienists heart attacks with my sudden fits of giggling. (You see, I have extremely ticklish gums, and when they'd polish my teeth, I would erupt into uncontrollable laughter. I still do it, sometimes.)
Speaking of laughter, I had Lasagna Night on Sunday. MJ, KT, Mr. & Mrs. Bill, J-Rich and Mack Daddy came. We had such a good time. I don't think anyone went to bed hungry! We had a really good time. The only downside was that Cute Neighbor never showed. He never came over to tell me he couldn't make it, and he hasn't come over to apologize for being MIA, either. I find this very rude. Not to mention, a little insulting: it's not like it would be a ton of effort for him to tell me. He wouldn't even have to get into his car.
I don't get it. If your diet consists mainly of Healthy Choice frozen dinners (he told me that's pretty much all he eats), and your cute & single neighbor invites you over for a free, homemade meal, and all you have to do is basically fall out of your front door and grab a fork, then what is the problem? I mean, even if you aren't interested in her romantically, at the very least, you're getting a free dinner. And free beer. Men make no sense to me. And I think I've hit a new low in my pathetic dating life: guys won't even get up off their couches to mooch free food from me. WOW. I am, apparently, just that repulsive.
So, it's back to the drawing board again.
Speaking of drawing....MJ invited me to an art show this past weekend. Four local artists displayed their work, and there was even one piece on which all four of them collaborated. It was fantastic. All four artists have different styles, but their styles meshed well together. MJ's dating The Artist, and his art is....really just incredible stuff. You have to look at the pieces for a looooong time before you can soak it all in. It's been described as "post-modern", but I would describe it more as "Picasso meets Dali meets Pollock meets Dr. Seuss". Normally, I don't "get" modern art, but I really dug his stuff. I wish I had a little extra money lying around, because I would buy something from him. I wish I could find some pictures of his stuff online so I could show you some of his work, but I'll have to let you imagine it from my description above. (MJ-- you need to tell him to set up a flickr account or something!)
We are slowly but surely getting our details worked out for our NYC/Vermont trip next week. I am still so excited, I'm about to burst! Want to see what we've got lined up so far? Here is a photo quiz. Can you guess?
This sounds really stupid, but I'm actually really excited to ride on the subway. And to take the train to Vermont. There isn't much public transportation in SC. So this will be really interesting to me. Heck, this will only be the 5th or 6th airplane trip I've ever been on, so even that will be fun! I'm one of those weird people who gets waaaaay too excited to get on airplanes. I even like the food.
I have always defined a vacation as: "Going somewhere, other than a conference or my mother's house, which requires me to board an airplane to get there." By that definition, this will be my first vacation since Rome, Italy in 2000.
I told MJ I would embarrass her in NYC by asking every waitress/waiter if the restaurant serves grits or mashed sweet potatoes. If she doesn't want me to do this, she should keep my mouth full of some of that delicious NY-style pizza. Mmmmmmmmmmmm......can't wait.
But instead, I think I will stare straight up as we walk down the streets, proclaiming in the thickest of Southern accents, "Well, gaaaaawlee, I ain't never seen no buildin' that high! Shucks!" -- Huh. That came out more like Gomer Pyle. Perhaps I will practice my impression before I get on the plane......I will charm the pants off them "city folk". Hopefully, the cute and single ones.
Oh man. One can only hope......de-panting hotties is one of my favorite things to do......*daydreams*
I have no clue what to pack. I'm tempted to bring nothing but stilettos and cocktail dresses, but I'm sure that's entirely inappropriate. LOL But aren't I supposed to look like this in order to fit in?
I certainly don't want to look like this.....*shudders*
But I'm getting ahead of myself. Before I go to NYC and Vermont, I am being visited by....
The Czarina. *cue Darth Vader theme song*
And Smurf and Czarina's Best Friend are coming, too. They will serve as a no-fly-zone, because otherwise, The Czarina and I would drive each other bonkers. We need referees when we hang out.
The good news is, she wants to buy me some stuff for my house. And I think (fingers crossed, people!) that I can talk her into giving me some money for my NYC trip. Because, if she doesn't, I might have to dig through NYC garbage cans to find something to eat. Oh well. It will be good for the diet if I don't eat for 5 days, right? Maybe I can just eat hot dogs from those street vendors.....
Where was I? Oh yes. The Czarina is coming, with her best friend and my little sister in tow. She hasn't been to Columbia since the day I moved here, 5 years ago, almost to the day. She finally gets to see my house. We will be decorating mi casa, which is nice. We will be visiting some local historic homes and dining out at some of my favorite restaurants, like this one and this one. They will get to meet my coworkers and some of my friends. I think I will give them a little tour of my favorite spots in town. I am thinking we should probably hit the Columbia Museum of Art, since they just got a couple of Renoirs on loan from Chicago, and they have recently expanded their late-Renaissance Dutch painting collection.
And what are my favorite kinds of paintings?????
Anything by Renoir and anything Dutch.
In order to prepare for their visit, I have to take deep breaths, have a cigarette binge, practice nodding my head and saying, "Yes, Mom, you are absolutely right!" and clean my room. I have also stocked up on The Czarina's favorite diet foods:
Eggbeaters
apples
low-fat cheddar cheese
diet tonic water
oatmeal
low-fat cottage cheese
whole wheat bread
bagged lettuce
Ugh. No wonder she's always so cranky. Wouldn't you be, if that was what you ate, 90% of the time? And she wonders why I cannot lose weight. It's because I'd rather be fat than eat that stuff, day in and day out. But this topic deserves its own post, so I will stop there with that little difference in opinion between mother and daughter.
Which reminds me......I need to hide all my "bad" stuff: twizzlers, oreos, birth control pills, ashtray & cigarettes....what am I forgetting?? Oh, those condoms in my purse....which were actually a gag gift, I swear on all things holy......I know you don't believe me, but they were. I just laughed at my friend W's joke and absent-mindedly stuck them in my purse. Oh, come on! You have to believe me. Like I'd even get a chance to use those things, at the rate I'm going. [See paragraph about Cute Neighbor, above.]
The Czarina will be here tomorrow afternoon. So I don't know how often I'll be able to post until she leaves on Sunday. This long-ass, rambling post will probably have to do ya for a few days.
Wednesday, June 13, 2007
Another Conversation with My Brain
So I have a problem. And only a guy can help me with it.
Ew, stop right there! I know what you are thinking. Pervert!
Ok, actually, I guess I would need help with that, too, at this point.....
*sigh* Being a perv who can't get any is tough. The jokes aren't as funny after a while.
Alright, back to the story. The problem is, I need to change my air filter, and I am too short to reach it. I need a guy to change it for me. And Hot Neighbor is out of town, not to mention, he's got that stupid girlfriend who doesn't seem to understand that he's supposed to be dating me. That leaves my next most obvious potential air filter changer: Cute Neighbor.
Cue the next Conversation with My Brain.
So last night, at about 8:30, I told Shy to shut the hell up and walked over to his house to ask if he could help me out with this little problem.
"Oh God. You're outside. You're really going to do this, aren't you?" said Shy, trembling.
"Dude, he's going to be SO stoked that you are asking him for help. You are cute and single and friendly. What guy wouldn't want to help you with your air filter? It takes all of 3 seconds. Afterwards, you two are going to have a nice chat and then he will ask you out!" said Confident.
Stupidly Optimistic agreed wholeheartedly. "Don't forget to offer him a beer and invite him over for dinner!"
"Yeah, and your boobs look big in that t-shirt," said Pervert.
"If he invites you in this time, you should go in and suck his face off!" chimed Horny.
"This is a bad idea. He's going to think you're a weirdo. Or worse, that you are interested in him," said Pessimistically Paranoid.
"DO NOT give that impression!" shrieked Single Girl.
"Oh. My. God. You're really doing this, aren't you? There's still time to change your mind, you know," said Shy.
"SHUT UP, SHY!!!" everyone shouted. (Everyone hates Shy. They think she's stupid. To be honest, she is pretty annoying.)
I knocked on the door. "That wasn't very loud. There's no way he will hear that," said Good Point.
"Wait! Is that him inside, making that noise? He's probably looking out the window right now to see who it is. Don't look!!!" said Pessimistically Paranoid.
"Dude, where is he? It doesn't take this long to answer a door!" said Impatient.
"Can't we just forget this? I'm tired," said Diet & Exercise. (I was pooped from my trip to the gym)
"Yeah, I think we're missing Forensic Files," said Nerd.
"She just didn't knock loud enough. But I think maybe she did that on purpose, because if she doesn't get a chance to talk to him, then she doesn't have a chance to mess things up," said Over-Analytical.
"Ooh, you might be on to something, for once," said Good Point.
"He's taking a long time because he doesn't know if he wants to talk to you. He's watching you right now, trying to decide if you are normal or if you are stalking him. This was one of your more genius ideas, I must say," said Pessimistically Paranoid.
"Oh crap, how does your hair look? Are you standing so that your good side is facing him when he opens the door? Just try and look nonchalant. And remember to smile," said Single Girl.
"What is the big deal? Jeez Louise, you aren't asking for the moon! But you could stand up a little straighter. Stop slouching," said Inner Mom Voice.
"Ok, fine. Do it. See if I care. Shit, go ahead and knock loud as hell. But have you considered what, exactly, you are going to say?" asked Shy.
"She's going to say something charming and brilliant, and possibly even hysterically funny, if you must know," said Confident.
"No! No! Say something which lets him know you want to get in his pants! Flirt your ass off! Wink! Touch his arm! It's your big chance!" yelled Horny and Pervert.
"Ok, you are going to have to knock again. I don't think he heard you," said Good Point.
"Oh he heard her. He got up, looked out his window, thought, 'This crazy bitch is stalking me!' and sat back down. That's what happened," said Pessimistically Paranoid.
"Maybe we are here at a bad time? Perhaps he's sleeping or on an important phone call," said Good Point.
"Or he thinks you're the FBI, coming to arrest him!" said Overactive Imagination.
"Or he's watching porn!" said Pervert.
"Tee hee!" giggled Horny.
Impatient sighed. "Can we go now? This is stupid."
"What I want to know is, how long are you going to stand here on his doorstep like an idiot. Anyone want to put some money on this?" said Cynical.
"You fool! Run!!!!" said Panic.
So I quickly walked back to my house and shut the door behind me.
"Gosh I'm glad you said that, Panic!" exclaimed Shy.
"You don't deserve those tits. I think you need to donate them to someone who might actually USE them," Cynical said.
"You are totally pathetic. I am so disappointed in you. You need to take advantage of the ideas I plant in your head, you know. I don't come up with good ones every day," said Single Girl.
"Seriously, are ANY of you even surprised at this point? I mean, come on, look who we're dealing with," said Pity Party.
"I told you this was a bad idea!!!" shouted Shy.
"Ok, so we weren't super confident today. That's ok, we will just try again when you get home from work tomorrow! Maybe we put too much pressure on ourselves. Tomorrow we will be calm and more confident. You can do this, I know you can," said Confident.
"Dude, come on. You know he wants you," said Stupidly Optimistic.
"Can we watch Forensic Files now?" asked Nerd.
"Yes. Please. I need some peace and quiet. Even if it involves learning about how some husband in Michigan chopped up his wife with his wood chipper. Anything, if only y'all will SHUT UP," I said.
Ew, stop right there! I know what you are thinking. Pervert!
Ok, actually, I guess I would need help with that, too, at this point.....
*sigh* Being a perv who can't get any is tough. The jokes aren't as funny after a while.
Alright, back to the story. The problem is, I need to change my air filter, and I am too short to reach it. I need a guy to change it for me. And Hot Neighbor is out of town, not to mention, he's got that stupid girlfriend who doesn't seem to understand that he's supposed to be dating me. That leaves my next most obvious potential air filter changer: Cute Neighbor.
Cue the next Conversation with My Brain.
So last night, at about 8:30, I told Shy to shut the hell up and walked over to his house to ask if he could help me out with this little problem.
"Oh God. You're outside. You're really going to do this, aren't you?" said Shy, trembling.
"Dude, he's going to be SO stoked that you are asking him for help. You are cute and single and friendly. What guy wouldn't want to help you with your air filter? It takes all of 3 seconds. Afterwards, you two are going to have a nice chat and then he will ask you out!" said Confident.
Stupidly Optimistic agreed wholeheartedly. "Don't forget to offer him a beer and invite him over for dinner!"
"Yeah, and your boobs look big in that t-shirt," said Pervert.
"If he invites you in this time, you should go in and suck his face off!" chimed Horny.
"This is a bad idea. He's going to think you're a weirdo. Or worse, that you are interested in him," said Pessimistically Paranoid.
"DO NOT give that impression!" shrieked Single Girl.
"Oh. My. God. You're really doing this, aren't you? There's still time to change your mind, you know," said Shy.
"SHUT UP, SHY!!!" everyone shouted. (Everyone hates Shy. They think she's stupid. To be honest, she is pretty annoying.)
I knocked on the door. "That wasn't very loud. There's no way he will hear that," said Good Point.
"Wait! Is that him inside, making that noise? He's probably looking out the window right now to see who it is. Don't look!!!" said Pessimistically Paranoid.
"Dude, where is he? It doesn't take this long to answer a door!" said Impatient.
"Can't we just forget this? I'm tired," said Diet & Exercise. (I was pooped from my trip to the gym)
"Yeah, I think we're missing Forensic Files," said Nerd.
"She just didn't knock loud enough. But I think maybe she did that on purpose, because if she doesn't get a chance to talk to him, then she doesn't have a chance to mess things up," said Over-Analytical.
"Ooh, you might be on to something, for once," said Good Point.
"He's taking a long time because he doesn't know if he wants to talk to you. He's watching you right now, trying to decide if you are normal or if you are stalking him. This was one of your more genius ideas, I must say," said Pessimistically Paranoid.
"Oh crap, how does your hair look? Are you standing so that your good side is facing him when he opens the door? Just try and look nonchalant. And remember to smile," said Single Girl.
"What is the big deal? Jeez Louise, you aren't asking for the moon! But you could stand up a little straighter. Stop slouching," said Inner Mom Voice.
"Ok, fine. Do it. See if I care. Shit, go ahead and knock loud as hell. But have you considered what, exactly, you are going to say?" asked Shy.
"She's going to say something charming and brilliant, and possibly even hysterically funny, if you must know," said Confident.
"No! No! Say something which lets him know you want to get in his pants! Flirt your ass off! Wink! Touch his arm! It's your big chance!" yelled Horny and Pervert.
"Ok, you are going to have to knock again. I don't think he heard you," said Good Point.
"Oh he heard her. He got up, looked out his window, thought, 'This crazy bitch is stalking me!' and sat back down. That's what happened," said Pessimistically Paranoid.
"Maybe we are here at a bad time? Perhaps he's sleeping or on an important phone call," said Good Point.
"Or he thinks you're the FBI, coming to arrest him!" said Overactive Imagination.
"Or he's watching porn!" said Pervert.
"Tee hee!" giggled Horny.
Impatient sighed. "Can we go now? This is stupid."
"What I want to know is, how long are you going to stand here on his doorstep like an idiot. Anyone want to put some money on this?" said Cynical.
"You fool! Run!!!!" said Panic.
So I quickly walked back to my house and shut the door behind me.
"Gosh I'm glad you said that, Panic!" exclaimed Shy.
"You don't deserve those tits. I think you need to donate them to someone who might actually USE them," Cynical said.
"You are totally pathetic. I am so disappointed in you. You need to take advantage of the ideas I plant in your head, you know. I don't come up with good ones every day," said Single Girl.
"Seriously, are ANY of you even surprised at this point? I mean, come on, look who we're dealing with," said Pity Party.
"I told you this was a bad idea!!!" shouted Shy.
"Ok, so we weren't super confident today. That's ok, we will just try again when you get home from work tomorrow! Maybe we put too much pressure on ourselves. Tomorrow we will be calm and more confident. You can do this, I know you can," said Confident.
"Dude, come on. You know he wants you," said Stupidly Optimistic.
"Can we watch Forensic Files now?" asked Nerd.
"Yes. Please. I need some peace and quiet. Even if it involves learning about how some husband in Michigan chopped up his wife with his wood chipper. Anything, if only y'all will SHUT UP," I said.
Thursday, June 07, 2007
Conversations with My Brain
I promise I'm alive!
It's just that aside from working on my Big Secret Project, I don't have a lot going on right now. And I really need a break from the Southern Culture posts. I will do more, but for now, I need to stop. It takes me so long to assemble each one of those posts -- being the geeky librarian that I am, I have to do research before posting them.
And it gets tiring. Sometimes you just want to log in and start writing, you know?
After much writing, rambling, editing, deleting and small-decision-making (I have written and re-written this post about 3 times today), I have decided to devote this post to introducing you to a new guy in VB World.
Don't get excited.
Good grief, how long have you been reading me? You should know better than to EVER get excited when I talk about guys on here. Calm down. Nothing happened. Nothing EVER happens. This will probably be the only time I even mention this guy. This post is only being written so that you can laugh at me. I'm in a self-deprecating mood today. Trust me, if something cool happened, the post title would tell you. I promise. Can I continue, please? Are we all calm now? Ok.
Allow me to introduce a new character: Cute Neighbor.
Not only do I have Hot Neighbor, I have Cute Neighbor. Oh yes, I am one lucky girl. 2 hotties on my street, and I have yet to spend more than 5 minutes with either one of them. Awesome. I think I can officially give Bridget Jones a run for her money now.
While most girls would have either dated, screwed or at least knocked back a few beers with neighborhood hotties at this point, I am relegated to spying on both of them through my window blinds, wondering what they are doing, where they are going, and why they are not naked in my bedroom. Just another normal day in VB World. My abilities astound me sometimes. I should get in touch with Cosmo. They could write an article inspired by me: "How to be Totally Pathetic".
Cute Neighbor lives directly across the street from me. When I moved in, my real estate agent informed me that she had grown up with him. Since I hadn't laid eyes on him yet, I didn't pump her for info. But I don't remember her saying anything bad. Perhaps I should ask her about him....hmmmm....
This is what I have observed (yes, through my window blinds) so far: He drives a Jeep, plays golf, works out and plays the drums. He never ever has people over, which seems odd to me, but he does go out on weekends sometimes. He dresses normally. He likes to wash his car and takes good care of his lawn. He can change his own oil, which is major points in my book.
He also has gorgeous eyes. And has a kind of geeky vibe going on. Very pale skin. Gives it away every time. Luckily, the older I get, the better geeky guys sound to me.
How do I know he has gorgeous eyes? Why, because I brought him some cookies one day, about 3 weeks ago. When I get bored, I bake. And since I'm on a diet, I can never keep the stuff in the house. So I give it away to the first person I see. But this was a lazy Sunday, and I didn't have any plans on seeing my friends. So I decided to play Nice Neighbor and go door-to-door, handing out cookies to my neighbors. That's when I met Cute Neighbor. I had (obviously) seen him around, but had never gotten a good look at him. Which meant he had never gotten a good look at me, either. Hmmm. How 'bout that.....
I changed into a jean skirt, reapplied my lip gloss, sprayed on some body spray and began playing Neighborhood Girl Scout.
Eventually, I walked over to his house, noticed how nice and green his yard is (far, far different than mine!) and knocked. He opened the door, and I noticed, in true "guy form", he had apparently never decorated anything. He was a little taller than me, had dark hair and these incredible green eyes. Cool.
"Hi, I'm Virginia, from across the street," I said, smiling.
"Hi, I'm Cute Neighbor," he said, also smiling. He shook my hand. Nice and firm. This is good.
I explained why I was knocking on his door, and he eagerly grabbed 3 cookies and said thank you. As we talked, he ate one of the cookies--he couldn't seem to wait. "Note to Self," I thought. "He is apparently in desperate need of homemade baked goods." We talked about his yard, our neighborhood and how he had meant to meet more of his neighbors. He mentioned that because of work, he has crazy hours. But he didn't say what he did for a living, and I always feel it's rude to ask people what they do. Especially when I'm a single girl talking to a (presumably) single guy. So I don't know what he does. But he wears a suit sometimes. That's all I know.
"Hey, you wanna come in?" he said. That's when I got "The Look". You know what I'm talking about, ladies. That look that guys give you when they are checking you out, but they are trying to hide that fact from you. The look that lets you know they like what they're seeing. It's very fleeting, but it's quite an ego booster, I must say. I don't think guys even realize they do it. It's that subtle. Yet unmistakable.
This momentary expression on his face sent my brain, and all of its parts, into a tizzy.
The Diet/Exercise part of my brain said:
"Hey, those trips to the gym are really paying off! Sweet! Maybe I will start getting this look all the time. If I doubled up on my workouts, at this rate...."
Horny interrupted and said:
"Oooh! Yes! Go inside! Maybe you can make out on his couch! Go for it, VB!"
Single Girl said:
"Don't do it! Play hard to get! Tell him you have a date or something. This is too easy. Make him work for it a little more. Ooooh. Nice eyes. Keep talking to him so you can look in his eyes some more. Just make up something. Keep talking. Maybe he'll ask you out. Hey, it looks like he's got decent arms, too. Say something funny so he will fall in love with you instantly. He's probably already intrigued from the cookies. Keeeeeeeep talking........."
Horny said: "Yeah! Nice eyes! Jump his bones! Like he's gonna protest!"
Cynical said:
"This guy just wants more cookies. He's greedy. He thinks that if he can get you inside, you will offer him more cookies."
"Hell yeah, she's gonna offer up some cookies!" Horny said.
"He's got a girlfriend and he's just going to cheat on her right now, with you, because he's got the chance. Men are assholes, and he's no different," warned Bitter.
"No, no, no. He's obviously either a porn addict or some Dungeons & Dragons geek. Look at that pale, transparent skin. He hasn't stepped away from his X-box or computer monitor in 4 months. No wonder no one ever comes to see him. All his friends are online," said Pessimistically Paranoid.
"Did you say 'porn'?" Horny asked.
"But he seems normal. And total super geeks don't drive Jeeps or play the drums. He's probably super cool. I bet you two have lots in common. You should have a lasagna supper and invite him over. Come on, you've been meaning to have a lasagna dinner for a while. This is a great opportunity!" said Stupidly Optimistic.
Then Overactive Imagination said:
"No.........wait. Going into a seemingly-normal stranger's house? That's how girls disappear. Everyone thought Ted Bundy was normal, too. You don't know him. Maybe he buries women in his backyard. You know, he never has people over. It all makes sense now. His backyard is probably lumpy from all the graves. That's why no one ever comes to his house. His secret would be revealed. Can't you picture the headlines now? Cookie-bearing Woman Disappears: Neighborhood Shocked, Police Want to Question Male Neighbor. And then, two weeks later: Man Buried Local Women in Backyard."
And then Reality, which luckily took over after hearing what Overactive had to say, said out loud:
"Oh, I'd love to, but I can't. I'm actually on my way out."
Which was totally true. I had a gym class to catch. I said goodbye and left my house 5 minutes later.
True to form, he and I haven't spoken a word since. Almost Girl strikes again! The girl who gets checked out sometimes, but never asked out. If this keeps up, I might have to change the name of this blog. You think I'm kidding.
So, what do you think? Did I screw up? Should I have gone into his house? Did he think I was turning him down? Can I remedy the situation? I feel I made the first move and now it's his turn. Perhaps I'm being too stubborn or old-fashioned. Maybe I should make more cookies.......he seemed to like them the first time. Am I just totally pathetic? Maybe I didn't get The Look. Maybe I got an Almost Look. Or maybe he just had indigestion? Or is he maybe thinking along the lines of "don't dig in your own backyard", so to speak?
Arg. I would give anything to hear the conversations he has with his brain. I wonder how it would go...
It's just that aside from working on my Big Secret Project, I don't have a lot going on right now. And I really need a break from the Southern Culture posts. I will do more, but for now, I need to stop. It takes me so long to assemble each one of those posts -- being the geeky librarian that I am, I have to do research before posting them.
And it gets tiring. Sometimes you just want to log in and start writing, you know?
After much writing, rambling, editing, deleting and small-decision-making (I have written and re-written this post about 3 times today), I have decided to devote this post to introducing you to a new guy in VB World.
Don't get excited.
Good grief, how long have you been reading me? You should know better than to EVER get excited when I talk about guys on here. Calm down. Nothing happened. Nothing EVER happens. This will probably be the only time I even mention this guy. This post is only being written so that you can laugh at me. I'm in a self-deprecating mood today. Trust me, if something cool happened, the post title would tell you. I promise. Can I continue, please? Are we all calm now? Ok.
Allow me to introduce a new character: Cute Neighbor.
Not only do I have Hot Neighbor, I have Cute Neighbor. Oh yes, I am one lucky girl. 2 hotties on my street, and I have yet to spend more than 5 minutes with either one of them. Awesome. I think I can officially give Bridget Jones a run for her money now.
While most girls would have either dated, screwed or at least knocked back a few beers with neighborhood hotties at this point, I am relegated to spying on both of them through my window blinds, wondering what they are doing, where they are going, and why they are not naked in my bedroom. Just another normal day in VB World. My abilities astound me sometimes. I should get in touch with Cosmo. They could write an article inspired by me: "How to be Totally Pathetic".
Cute Neighbor lives directly across the street from me. When I moved in, my real estate agent informed me that she had grown up with him. Since I hadn't laid eyes on him yet, I didn't pump her for info. But I don't remember her saying anything bad. Perhaps I should ask her about him....hmmmm....
This is what I have observed (yes, through my window blinds) so far: He drives a Jeep, plays golf, works out and plays the drums. He never ever has people over, which seems odd to me, but he does go out on weekends sometimes. He dresses normally. He likes to wash his car and takes good care of his lawn. He can change his own oil, which is major points in my book.
He also has gorgeous eyes. And has a kind of geeky vibe going on. Very pale skin. Gives it away every time. Luckily, the older I get, the better geeky guys sound to me.
How do I know he has gorgeous eyes? Why, because I brought him some cookies one day, about 3 weeks ago. When I get bored, I bake. And since I'm on a diet, I can never keep the stuff in the house. So I give it away to the first person I see. But this was a lazy Sunday, and I didn't have any plans on seeing my friends. So I decided to play Nice Neighbor and go door-to-door, handing out cookies to my neighbors. That's when I met Cute Neighbor. I had (obviously) seen him around, but had never gotten a good look at him. Which meant he had never gotten a good look at me, either. Hmmm. How 'bout that.....
I changed into a jean skirt, reapplied my lip gloss, sprayed on some body spray and began playing Neighborhood Girl Scout.
Eventually, I walked over to his house, noticed how nice and green his yard is (far, far different than mine!) and knocked. He opened the door, and I noticed, in true "guy form", he had apparently never decorated anything. He was a little taller than me, had dark hair and these incredible green eyes. Cool.
"Hi, I'm Virginia, from across the street," I said, smiling.
"Hi, I'm Cute Neighbor," he said, also smiling. He shook my hand. Nice and firm. This is good.
I explained why I was knocking on his door, and he eagerly grabbed 3 cookies and said thank you. As we talked, he ate one of the cookies--he couldn't seem to wait. "Note to Self," I thought. "He is apparently in desperate need of homemade baked goods." We talked about his yard, our neighborhood and how he had meant to meet more of his neighbors. He mentioned that because of work, he has crazy hours. But he didn't say what he did for a living, and I always feel it's rude to ask people what they do. Especially when I'm a single girl talking to a (presumably) single guy. So I don't know what he does. But he wears a suit sometimes. That's all I know.
"Hey, you wanna come in?" he said. That's when I got "The Look". You know what I'm talking about, ladies. That look that guys give you when they are checking you out, but they are trying to hide that fact from you. The look that lets you know they like what they're seeing. It's very fleeting, but it's quite an ego booster, I must say. I don't think guys even realize they do it. It's that subtle. Yet unmistakable.
This momentary expression on his face sent my brain, and all of its parts, into a tizzy.
The Diet/Exercise part of my brain said:
"Hey, those trips to the gym are really paying off! Sweet! Maybe I will start getting this look all the time. If I doubled up on my workouts, at this rate...."
Horny interrupted and said:
"Oooh! Yes! Go inside! Maybe you can make out on his couch! Go for it, VB!"
Single Girl said:
"Don't do it! Play hard to get! Tell him you have a date or something. This is too easy. Make him work for it a little more. Ooooh. Nice eyes. Keep talking to him so you can look in his eyes some more. Just make up something. Keep talking. Maybe he'll ask you out. Hey, it looks like he's got decent arms, too. Say something funny so he will fall in love with you instantly. He's probably already intrigued from the cookies. Keeeeeeeep talking........."
Horny said: "Yeah! Nice eyes! Jump his bones! Like he's gonna protest!"
Cynical said:
"This guy just wants more cookies. He's greedy. He thinks that if he can get you inside, you will offer him more cookies."
"Hell yeah, she's gonna offer up some cookies!" Horny said.
"He's got a girlfriend and he's just going to cheat on her right now, with you, because he's got the chance. Men are assholes, and he's no different," warned Bitter.
"No, no, no. He's obviously either a porn addict or some Dungeons & Dragons geek. Look at that pale, transparent skin. He hasn't stepped away from his X-box or computer monitor in 4 months. No wonder no one ever comes to see him. All his friends are online," said Pessimistically Paranoid.
"Did you say 'porn'?" Horny asked.
"But he seems normal. And total super geeks don't drive Jeeps or play the drums. He's probably super cool. I bet you two have lots in common. You should have a lasagna supper and invite him over. Come on, you've been meaning to have a lasagna dinner for a while. This is a great opportunity!" said Stupidly Optimistic.
Then Overactive Imagination said:
"No.........wait. Going into a seemingly-normal stranger's house? That's how girls disappear. Everyone thought Ted Bundy was normal, too. You don't know him. Maybe he buries women in his backyard. You know, he never has people over. It all makes sense now. His backyard is probably lumpy from all the graves. That's why no one ever comes to his house. His secret would be revealed. Can't you picture the headlines now? Cookie-bearing Woman Disappears: Neighborhood Shocked, Police Want to Question Male Neighbor. And then, two weeks later: Man Buried Local Women in Backyard."
And then Reality, which luckily took over after hearing what Overactive had to say, said out loud:
"Oh, I'd love to, but I can't. I'm actually on my way out."
Which was totally true. I had a gym class to catch. I said goodbye and left my house 5 minutes later.
True to form, he and I haven't spoken a word since. Almost Girl strikes again! The girl who gets checked out sometimes, but never asked out. If this keeps up, I might have to change the name of this blog. You think I'm kidding.
So, what do you think? Did I screw up? Should I have gone into his house? Did he think I was turning him down? Can I remedy the situation? I feel I made the first move and now it's his turn. Perhaps I'm being too stubborn or old-fashioned. Maybe I should make more cookies.......he seemed to like them the first time. Am I just totally pathetic? Maybe I didn't get The Look. Maybe I got an Almost Look. Or maybe he just had indigestion? Or is he maybe thinking along the lines of "don't dig in your own backyard", so to speak?
Arg. I would give anything to hear the conversations he has with his brain. I wonder how it would go...
Monday, April 02, 2007
Spring Fling
Ok, so I have to tell you about my weekend. It was fantastic. And I have insomnia right now, so I might as well just type up a long-ass post. (I will explain why I have insomnia maybe another time...) This post is going to be hard to write, because I'm going to want to give out very personal and juicy details....which, I can't do. So I will just have to allude to things...
Oh, and there is a theme song for this weekend in Charleston. I don't know why (maybe MJ can enlighten me?), but we all kept singing Journey's "Don't Stop Believing" about 400 times at the top of our lungs. At some point, MJ and one of the guys was running down the beach, punching the air while singing it. Who knows. I wasn't there to see it. But that is the soundtrack to this weekend I'm about to tell you about.
MJ and KT are from New York, so they have a group of guy friends who live up there, either in or near NYC. One of them, a textbook "New Yawkah" (a member of the Rat Pack, who visited us last October. I will dub him Rocky) was invited to a wedding in Isle of Palms, one of the swankier parts of Charleston, SC. He took MJ as his date. They invited me and KT to go with them.
Rocky brought his friend (and coworker) The Magician with him. But more about him in a minute... ;)
So we booked an oceanfront hotel room on Isle of Palms, MJ and KT picked up the guys at the Charlotte airport, everyone came to my house to pick me up, and then we headed to Charleston on Friday afternoon. We stopped for lunch on the way and got to Charleston at about 4pm. Our room was nice, but small. And 5 people sharing one small bathroom was a big pain in the ass. But otherwise, it was great being right on the beach. MJ definitely picked a good hotel.
Friday night, MJ and Rocky went to the wedding. While they were there, KT, The Magician and I went to dinner at this WONDERFUL restaurant called Pearlz. I highly recommend it. It's in downtown Charleston. I had this peppercorn tilapia that melted in my mouth, and everyone else's food was great, too. Great service, nice ambiance. (Looking it up just now on Google, I learned it's owned by the same company that owns Liberty's, one of my favorite Columbia restaurants. Go figure.)
The Magician and I were hitting it off. I thought he was cute, right away. Definitely a spark. Actually, right when i was being introduced and shook his hand, I thought, "Ok, I think this is going to be a good weekend!"
Oh Jeez. I just realized Rocky might read MJ's blog, which means he might read this blog...oh dear. Ok, I am going to have to seriously edit this....or get reassurance from MJ that Rocky doesn't read these.
Ok, the 411 on The Magician: he's my age (28), about 6'2", lean without being very muscular. He's got light brown hair and hazel eyes. he's half Native American and half Scottish -- yeah, kind of an interesting combination, I thought. To be honest, I don't think I've ever met anyone who is more than a sprinkle Native American, so it was kind of cool. He can even say some phrases in his people's language. He is a "Wall Street Warrior"-- he works in some big fancy building, doing investment stuff all day. (To my NYC readers-- I am curious -- are there stereotypes about Wall Steeters? Please let me know. I'm sure I would be amused.) He works near where the Twin Towers were, in a building on the 43rd floor. His family is big like mine. He's very funny, smart and charming. Not really my type in some ways, but at the same time, totally my type. (I know, it makes no sense....then again, some of the best things in life make no sense.)
And remember my dry spell, people.
So i was pretty much doomed. Totally powerless, actually.
After dinner, the three of us went to some bars (Southend Brewery...shoot. I can't remember where else...there's a bar I'm forgetting...).
Anyway, The Magician has a guy pal who lives in Charleston, so he and his wife met up with us at Wet Willy's. They are the nicest couple. We were all chatting in the middle of the bar. Eventually, my feet started to hurt, so I went to go sit down in a corner. The Magician went with me.
....and that's when we started making out like teenagers in the middle of Wet Willy's. There is some debate over who kissed who first, but just for the record, it was his idea. He started it.
OMG y'all. It's a good thing I was out of town, because making out in a bar is NOT my thing at ALL. If I had been in Columbia, my face would have been beet red!!! I kept stopping him, saying, "No! I do not make out in bars! I am not that kind of girl! You have to stop!"
But I only sort of half-way meant it, because he is The Greatest Kisser in the World.
Yeah. I was totally powerless. Putty in his hands.
Oh boy.
Of course, KT, being KT, took pictures of us sucking face in a crowded bar. Awesome. I didn't realize until it was too late. If she ever puts them on the Internet, I will die. LOL
By this point, everyone was pretty much drunk (except me, obviously), so we went back to the hotel.
Meanwhile, MJ and Rocky had gotten totally shitfaced at the wedding and passed out at the hotel before they could even meet up with us. Dorks. Plus, they were each hogging a bed. This sort of messed up our plans (nudge nudge). KT hopped in with MJ. The Magician and I tried to move Rocky, but he got kind of pissed when we woke him up. So he and I decided to take a walk on the beach instead of going to sleep.
Yeah. See where this is going? No, not there. Who likes sand up their butt? Not me. Where was I? Oh yes.
Full moon, light breeze, empty beach...we ended up making out again (Seriously, who is this girl, and where is VB??? It's like the college version of myself went to Charleston this weekend.)....and we got so into making out that we ended up falling over.......and laughing our asses off......and getting sand all over us....
Ok. So then we decided it was too cold, so we went back inside. We obviously didn't want to move Rocky, so we inflated the air mattress and..........well, if this was a movie, this is where the screen would fade to black.
So, why am I referring to him as The Magician? This is why. I swear, y'all, it was like he could read my mind -- I would be thinking, "Gee, I wish he would..." and then he would do it. What guy has that ability??? He not only had the ability to read my mind, but he also has the ability to make things disappear. [Ok, that last line is not as perverted as it sounds. But I am not getting into details. I am seriously editing myself, here, people, because I am trying to keep something in my life private. You can use your imagination. We're all adults. We've all been there. If you are really that nosy or dense, just email me. Sheesh. But if it's any consolation, it's really really hard for me not to spill the juicy details. Don't you love that I have a big mouth when it comes to my personal life?]
I can't believe I did that. I haven't hooked up* in a hotel room full of sleeping people since college (but that's another story). Kind of a jerky move, I know. But they were all asleep. And trust me, if you had been in my position, you would have done the same thing. I don't think wild, attacking tigers could have stopped me.
*Remember, my definition of "hooking up" is: anything more than kissing. Which may or may not involve a run around the bases. So you will just have to wonder what I mean. Sorry.
The next morning, Rocky, MJ and KT went to breakfast at 10am. Since The Magician and I had stayed up a little later than them (AHEM), we slept in. Of course, as they were getting ready, KT spilled the beans and they all made fun of us.....oh well. We deserved it.
He and I got up about an hour later, went to lunch, had a good time. Not awkward at all. We went back to the hotel room just as I got a text message from KT: they were all at the beach.
We had the hotel room to ourselves.
Do the math.
Then he and I joined them at the beach, where we all got sunburned, drank beer and ate corn dogs and ice cream.
We went back to the room around 5ish, napped and showered, and then went out again. This time, we went to A.W. Shuck's for dinner, where we had THE WORST SERVICE I've ever had in my life. A quick run-down:
1. Our waitress was rude and told us when SHE was ready to take our order (which was about a half an hour after we got there) -- she pretty much copped an attitude with us the whole time and never removed dirty dishes unless we flagged her down.
2. Three tables (including us) asked restaurant employees to turn off the hurricane-level arctic fan, but no one EVER DID.
3. The guys ordered martinis. They came out with MAYBE 2 sips in them--a total joke. It turns out the bartender was basically giving them each one shot of vodka. And that's all. Which, if you know about martinis, isn't even how you make them. We had to talk to FOUR people (3 of whom argued with us) before getting the drinks fixed. And they still charged us for them anyway.
4. Did I mention it took us 2 and 1/2 hours to get our food? Yeah. Because the drink fiasco took up 45 minutes. This didn't bother me so much as Rocky, so I am including this in the list on his behalf.
5. They messed up splitting our bill, but it didn't really matter, because it all evened out in the end.
Our bill was about $140 and we left $4. Two of us stiffed her. We ALL left notes for her/managers on our credit card slips. NEVER EAT AT THIS PLACE! It was horrible!! The two tables on either side of us had problems, too. We all revolted.
After dinner, we put it all behind us and got drunk again, this time with MJ and Rocky with us. At one point, looking for our next bar, Rocky saw some very tall steps and did a fantastic Rocky impression (hence his name), as we watched and laughed from across the street. We had a great time, but MJ and KT were both sick by this point, so they left early. (MJ has strep throat and KT has a sinus infection/bronchitis. They were miserable for at least half the weekend. But they were troupers. I'll give them that.) I hung out with Rocky and The Magician until the bars closed, having a blast and (again) making out with The Magician while Rocky hit on Charleston girls. He ended up meeting 3 people (a guy and his girlfriend, and another girl who talked like Minnie Mouse) who were also staying at Isle of Palms. We decided to all get a cab together to save money. Ok, Rocky and the people worked it out. The Magician and I were busy sucking face again.
Because it was the Bridge Run weekend, we could NOT find a cab to save our lives. After 45 minutes, we flagged down one. And by "flagged down", I mean that 7 of us surrounded the cab and squished into it before the cabbie could protest. Then we demanded that the cabbie take us to our hotels. He didn't want to do it because he wasn't supposed to have 7 people in his cab. He could get a fine and there were a lot of cops out. Also, he had "just gotten out of jail", which I didn't buy.
We refused to budge, out of sheer desperation. The guy who was with us was SHITFACED, and so he just started handing the cabbie money. "There, that should get us at least across the bridge," he slurred as he handed the cabbie $100.
We were in a cab with Mr. Moneybags! Sweet!
The cabbie told us to be quiet as he accepted the cash. Of course, at 2am, 7 drunk people cannot be quiet, so they all proceeded to talk loudly and at the same time, which made me giggle. It was a very entertaining cab ride.
Yeah, so we got a free cab ride from downtown to Isle of Palms, which is about a 30 minute ride. All we had to do was tip the cabbie. Suh-weet!
Everyone went to sleep. The Magician and I stayed up (Ok, seriously, are you even surprised at this point?). Unfortunately, we were pretty tired at this point, so we kept falling asleep mid-smooch and finally gave up after a while.
The next morning, MJ felt like crap, so she left to go to the doctor's right away. The rest of us took our time going back to Columbia, stopping for breakfast at IHOP. I continued to tease The Magician by asking him annoying questions about his heritage: Did he live in a teepee on top of a skyscraper? Does he do the rain dance to make the stocks go up? etc. On the way home, the guys answered my 632 questions about NYC. They want us to come visit them and told me I would love it. (My conclusion after hearing what they told me? I am terrified of NYC!! The people up north are very blunt and I know someone would make me cry by the end of the first day!)
Since their flight didn't leave Charlotte until 8pm, we hung out at MJ and KT's house for a while. We went to lunch and shopped. But then, I had to go run some errands, so I didn't go with them to the airport. We hugged good bye, and The Magician told me he wants me to come visit SOON. (He emphasized the 'soon' part. Awww...) KT told me later that on the way to the airport, Rocky kept telling The Magician to marry me, and The Magician said I was a great girl and would make a great girlfriend.
Awww!
Earlier today I asked KT, "Hey, you didn't tell him any of the juicy details I told you, did you? Like, about what I said?" (KT got more details than y'all. Sorry.)
She told me that The Magician asked her the same thing on the way to the airport. How funny! Although KT says she told me everything he said, I guess I will never know....
He didn't ask for my phone number. Which I have mixed feelings about. I'd like to talk to him, but at the same time, let's call it what it really was: a Spring Fling. I mean, people don't start dating in this situation. He lives in NYC, for Pete's sake. It's best to just let it be.
And he doesn't have a myspace page and it's KILLING ME.
Sorry so long, but I seriously had so much fun!!!
My next post is going to be good, too. You see, I didn't even mention the weird dreams I've been having, Toby's trip to the vet, the news about my roommate, or the Hot Neighbor update, now did I?
Tee hee. I'll leave you hanging for now....
Oh, and there is a theme song for this weekend in Charleston. I don't know why (maybe MJ can enlighten me?), but we all kept singing Journey's "Don't Stop Believing" about 400 times at the top of our lungs. At some point, MJ and one of the guys was running down the beach, punching the air while singing it. Who knows. I wasn't there to see it. But that is the soundtrack to this weekend I'm about to tell you about.
MJ and KT are from New York, so they have a group of guy friends who live up there, either in or near NYC. One of them, a textbook "New Yawkah" (a member of the Rat Pack, who visited us last October. I will dub him Rocky) was invited to a wedding in Isle of Palms, one of the swankier parts of Charleston, SC. He took MJ as his date. They invited me and KT to go with them.
Rocky brought his friend (and coworker) The Magician with him. But more about him in a minute... ;)
So we booked an oceanfront hotel room on Isle of Palms, MJ and KT picked up the guys at the Charlotte airport, everyone came to my house to pick me up, and then we headed to Charleston on Friday afternoon. We stopped for lunch on the way and got to Charleston at about 4pm. Our room was nice, but small. And 5 people sharing one small bathroom was a big pain in the ass. But otherwise, it was great being right on the beach. MJ definitely picked a good hotel.
Friday night, MJ and Rocky went to the wedding. While they were there, KT, The Magician and I went to dinner at this WONDERFUL restaurant called Pearlz. I highly recommend it. It's in downtown Charleston. I had this peppercorn tilapia that melted in my mouth, and everyone else's food was great, too. Great service, nice ambiance. (Looking it up just now on Google, I learned it's owned by the same company that owns Liberty's, one of my favorite Columbia restaurants. Go figure.)
The Magician and I were hitting it off. I thought he was cute, right away. Definitely a spark. Actually, right when i was being introduced and shook his hand, I thought, "Ok, I think this is going to be a good weekend!"
Oh Jeez. I just realized Rocky might read MJ's blog, which means he might read this blog...oh dear. Ok, I am going to have to seriously edit this....or get reassurance from MJ that Rocky doesn't read these.
Ok, the 411 on The Magician: he's my age (28), about 6'2", lean without being very muscular. He's got light brown hair and hazel eyes. he's half Native American and half Scottish -- yeah, kind of an interesting combination, I thought. To be honest, I don't think I've ever met anyone who is more than a sprinkle Native American, so it was kind of cool. He can even say some phrases in his people's language. He is a "Wall Street Warrior"-- he works in some big fancy building, doing investment stuff all day. (To my NYC readers-- I am curious -- are there stereotypes about Wall Steeters? Please let me know. I'm sure I would be amused.) He works near where the Twin Towers were, in a building on the 43rd floor. His family is big like mine. He's very funny, smart and charming. Not really my type in some ways, but at the same time, totally my type. (I know, it makes no sense....then again, some of the best things in life make no sense.)
And remember my dry spell, people.
So i was pretty much doomed. Totally powerless, actually.
After dinner, the three of us went to some bars (Southend Brewery...shoot. I can't remember where else...there's a bar I'm forgetting...).
Anyway, The Magician has a guy pal who lives in Charleston, so he and his wife met up with us at Wet Willy's. They are the nicest couple. We were all chatting in the middle of the bar. Eventually, my feet started to hurt, so I went to go sit down in a corner. The Magician went with me.
....and that's when we started making out like teenagers in the middle of Wet Willy's. There is some debate over who kissed who first, but just for the record, it was his idea. He started it.
OMG y'all. It's a good thing I was out of town, because making out in a bar is NOT my thing at ALL. If I had been in Columbia, my face would have been beet red!!! I kept stopping him, saying, "No! I do not make out in bars! I am not that kind of girl! You have to stop!"
But I only sort of half-way meant it, because he is The Greatest Kisser in the World.
Yeah. I was totally powerless. Putty in his hands.
Oh boy.
Of course, KT, being KT, took pictures of us sucking face in a crowded bar. Awesome. I didn't realize until it was too late. If she ever puts them on the Internet, I will die. LOL
By this point, everyone was pretty much drunk (except me, obviously), so we went back to the hotel.
Meanwhile, MJ and Rocky had gotten totally shitfaced at the wedding and passed out at the hotel before they could even meet up with us. Dorks. Plus, they were each hogging a bed. This sort of messed up our plans (nudge nudge). KT hopped in with MJ. The Magician and I tried to move Rocky, but he got kind of pissed when we woke him up. So he and I decided to take a walk on the beach instead of going to sleep.
Yeah. See where this is going? No, not there. Who likes sand up their butt? Not me. Where was I? Oh yes.
Full moon, light breeze, empty beach...we ended up making out again (Seriously, who is this girl, and where is VB??? It's like the college version of myself went to Charleston this weekend.)....and we got so into making out that we ended up falling over.......and laughing our asses off......and getting sand all over us....
Ok. So then we decided it was too cold, so we went back inside. We obviously didn't want to move Rocky, so we inflated the air mattress and..........well, if this was a movie, this is where the screen would fade to black.
So, why am I referring to him as The Magician? This is why. I swear, y'all, it was like he could read my mind -- I would be thinking, "Gee, I wish he would..." and then he would do it. What guy has that ability??? He not only had the ability to read my mind, but he also has the ability to make things disappear. [Ok, that last line is not as perverted as it sounds. But I am not getting into details. I am seriously editing myself, here, people, because I am trying to keep something in my life private. You can use your imagination. We're all adults. We've all been there. If you are really that nosy or dense, just email me. Sheesh. But if it's any consolation, it's really really hard for me not to spill the juicy details. Don't you love that I have a big mouth when it comes to my personal life?]
I can't believe I did that. I haven't hooked up* in a hotel room full of sleeping people since college (but that's another story). Kind of a jerky move, I know. But they were all asleep. And trust me, if you had been in my position, you would have done the same thing. I don't think wild, attacking tigers could have stopped me.
*Remember, my definition of "hooking up" is: anything more than kissing. Which may or may not involve a run around the bases. So you will just have to wonder what I mean. Sorry.
The next morning, Rocky, MJ and KT went to breakfast at 10am. Since The Magician and I had stayed up a little later than them (AHEM), we slept in. Of course, as they were getting ready, KT spilled the beans and they all made fun of us.....oh well. We deserved it.
He and I got up about an hour later, went to lunch, had a good time. Not awkward at all. We went back to the hotel room just as I got a text message from KT: they were all at the beach.
We had the hotel room to ourselves.
Do the math.
Then he and I joined them at the beach, where we all got sunburned, drank beer and ate corn dogs and ice cream.
We went back to the room around 5ish, napped and showered, and then went out again. This time, we went to A.W. Shuck's for dinner, where we had THE WORST SERVICE I've ever had in my life. A quick run-down:
1. Our waitress was rude and told us when SHE was ready to take our order (which was about a half an hour after we got there) -- she pretty much copped an attitude with us the whole time and never removed dirty dishes unless we flagged her down.
2. Three tables (including us) asked restaurant employees to turn off the hurricane-level arctic fan, but no one EVER DID.
3. The guys ordered martinis. They came out with MAYBE 2 sips in them--a total joke. It turns out the bartender was basically giving them each one shot of vodka. And that's all. Which, if you know about martinis, isn't even how you make them. We had to talk to FOUR people (3 of whom argued with us) before getting the drinks fixed. And they still charged us for them anyway.
4. Did I mention it took us 2 and 1/2 hours to get our food? Yeah. Because the drink fiasco took up 45 minutes. This didn't bother me so much as Rocky, so I am including this in the list on his behalf.
5. They messed up splitting our bill, but it didn't really matter, because it all evened out in the end.
Our bill was about $140 and we left $4. Two of us stiffed her. We ALL left notes for her/managers on our credit card slips. NEVER EAT AT THIS PLACE! It was horrible!! The two tables on either side of us had problems, too. We all revolted.
After dinner, we put it all behind us and got drunk again, this time with MJ and Rocky with us. At one point, looking for our next bar, Rocky saw some very tall steps and did a fantastic Rocky impression (hence his name), as we watched and laughed from across the street. We had a great time, but MJ and KT were both sick by this point, so they left early. (MJ has strep throat and KT has a sinus infection/bronchitis. They were miserable for at least half the weekend. But they were troupers. I'll give them that.) I hung out with Rocky and The Magician until the bars closed, having a blast and (again) making out with The Magician while Rocky hit on Charleston girls. He ended up meeting 3 people (a guy and his girlfriend, and another girl who talked like Minnie Mouse) who were also staying at Isle of Palms. We decided to all get a cab together to save money. Ok, Rocky and the people worked it out. The Magician and I were busy sucking face again.
Because it was the Bridge Run weekend, we could NOT find a cab to save our lives. After 45 minutes, we flagged down one. And by "flagged down", I mean that 7 of us surrounded the cab and squished into it before the cabbie could protest. Then we demanded that the cabbie take us to our hotels. He didn't want to do it because he wasn't supposed to have 7 people in his cab. He could get a fine and there were a lot of cops out. Also, he had "just gotten out of jail", which I didn't buy.
We refused to budge, out of sheer desperation. The guy who was with us was SHITFACED, and so he just started handing the cabbie money. "There, that should get us at least across the bridge," he slurred as he handed the cabbie $100.
We were in a cab with Mr. Moneybags! Sweet!
The cabbie told us to be quiet as he accepted the cash. Of course, at 2am, 7 drunk people cannot be quiet, so they all proceeded to talk loudly and at the same time, which made me giggle. It was a very entertaining cab ride.
Yeah, so we got a free cab ride from downtown to Isle of Palms, which is about a 30 minute ride. All we had to do was tip the cabbie. Suh-weet!
Everyone went to sleep. The Magician and I stayed up (Ok, seriously, are you even surprised at this point?). Unfortunately, we were pretty tired at this point, so we kept falling asleep mid-smooch and finally gave up after a while.
The next morning, MJ felt like crap, so she left to go to the doctor's right away. The rest of us took our time going back to Columbia, stopping for breakfast at IHOP. I continued to tease The Magician by asking him annoying questions about his heritage: Did he live in a teepee on top of a skyscraper? Does he do the rain dance to make the stocks go up? etc. On the way home, the guys answered my 632 questions about NYC. They want us to come visit them and told me I would love it. (My conclusion after hearing what they told me? I am terrified of NYC!! The people up north are very blunt and I know someone would make me cry by the end of the first day!)
Since their flight didn't leave Charlotte until 8pm, we hung out at MJ and KT's house for a while. We went to lunch and shopped. But then, I had to go run some errands, so I didn't go with them to the airport. We hugged good bye, and The Magician told me he wants me to come visit SOON. (He emphasized the 'soon' part. Awww...) KT told me later that on the way to the airport, Rocky kept telling The Magician to marry me, and The Magician said I was a great girl and would make a great girlfriend.
Awww!
Earlier today I asked KT, "Hey, you didn't tell him any of the juicy details I told you, did you? Like, about what I said?" (KT got more details than y'all. Sorry.)
She told me that The Magician asked her the same thing on the way to the airport. How funny! Although KT says she told me everything he said, I guess I will never know....
He didn't ask for my phone number. Which I have mixed feelings about. I'd like to talk to him, but at the same time, let's call it what it really was: a Spring Fling. I mean, people don't start dating in this situation. He lives in NYC, for Pete's sake. It's best to just let it be.
And he doesn't have a myspace page and it's KILLING ME.
Sorry so long, but I seriously had so much fun!!!
My next post is going to be good, too. You see, I didn't even mention the weird dreams I've been having, Toby's trip to the vet, the news about my roommate, or the Hot Neighbor update, now did I?
Tee hee. I'll leave you hanging for now....
Tuesday, March 20, 2007
Dummy, Chummy and Yummy, Part 1
Ha ha, look at me with my clever post title! Before I explain it, let's get the business out of the way first.
Netflix is the new myspace. I think I spent 2 hours on there yesterday. I added a bunch of classics (mostly Alfred Hitchcock and Audrey Hepburn stuff), then I went over and added a bunch of dramas, some Saturday Night Live, some 80s movies I've never seen, some Disney movies I haven't seen since I was a kid (Alice in Wonderland, Robin Hood, Lady and the Tramp, Pollyanna, Fox & the Hound)....and then I discovered the documentaries section.
I completely geeked out: British monarchs, orphan trains, China, history of Chicago, Thomas Jefferson, the Shakers, something called The Human Face, babies in utero, a look at higher education in America, Russia, a 3-volume look at the life of birds......I am out of control, people. I had to stop once I got to all the David Attenborough Nature programs. I am crazy about those.
And I wondered why I ate lunch with my teacher when I was in 8th grade. I am Dorkus Maximus.
I have stalled out on my weight loss at 13 pounds. I have been kinda bad the past few days (hell-o, chocolate-covered buttercream easter eggs, brought in by my boss!!!)....BUT the good news is, since MJ is quitting smoking, I will too. Not only am I wanting to support her, but I really need to quit. For real. Forever. Why not now? It's a bad nasty habit that doesn't mesh well with the following:
A) I am trying to lose weight
B) I like going to the gym and giving the impression that I am health-conscious
C) WLF died of COPD
D) 2 of my grandparents died of lung cancer
E) I like having white teeth and smelling yummy
So no cigarettes = more exercise. No cigarettes for a long time = I can pick up jogging again. (I'd like to say "running", but let's not fool ourselves now, ok? A runner I am not. I run like a girl, which makes it hard to take me seriously as a runner. Let's go with "jog".) Whatever you call it, I like it a lot and it really helps me get in shape. Gives you that long, lean look, you know? Ok, so that is my mid-term goal. After the quitting of the smoking.
Enough boring stuff. Let's get to the real reason we are all here: To discuss my Dating Adventures.
Or, in this case, my incredible ability to chicken out on potential Dating Adventures.
You see, readers, I could have gotten laid this weekend. Not once, but twice. True to form, that didn't happen.
Friday night was spent as usual with the Happy Hour Girls. The cute guy I met a couple weeks ago wasn't there. But a different group of guys was there. They are friends with one of the HH Girls. One of these guys was visiting from out of town. "Hey, who's the meathead?" I asked, rolling my eyes. "Oh, that's so-and-so's friend. He's from New Jersey," my girlfriend replied. "Oh jeeeeeeezus. That's great. He looks smart," I said sarcastically. I was glad he was on the outskirts of the group so I didn't have to talk to him-- I know the Ken-doll type. They think money impresses women, and between that and the gym, they rarely talk about much else.
Ten minutes later, my suspicions were confirmed. The meathead had worked his way through my group of friends, catching up and laughing with them. He hadn't met me yet, so he introduced himself. He seemed nice, he wasn't bad-looking. Fantastic body. But that was about it for the positives. I was hoping he'd go away, but as my luck may have it, he decided I was the evening's target female. Grrrrrreat.
True to form, he proceeded to talk about the gym and his car and his hot tub. He was nice enough, but I've met cardboard boxes with more personality. No sense of humor, nothing interesting to say. Doesn't read, doesn't travel, doesn't seem to have much life experience. "Yeah, when I've got some down time, I like to just hit the gym and jack some steel," he told me.
"Did you just say, 'jack some steel'?" I asked, stifling a giggle.
"Yeah. You know, lifting weights?" he answered.
"Yeah, I figured it out. I'm calling you Jack Steel now," I said.
He wasn't doing too badly as the evening progressed (we both love the HBO show Rome, so I dragged that conversation out to a full 15 minutes), until he made a fatal mistake: He pronounced my job title as, "lie-berry-un". I realize this is nit-picky and possibly even snooty, but it is one of my biggest pet peeves. Now I was certain that this guy not only had no personality, but he was also dumb as a box of rocks.
At this stage, I'm thinking, "Ok, it's official. This guy is only good for a hookup. There is no way in h-e-double hockey sticks I could ever date someone so freaking stupid. He's so lame, actually, I don't even know if I could hook up with him. He would not even be allowed to talk in the bedroom. Did he leave his sense of humor in his super-cool car?"
Of course, this is when he started hitting on me, hard core. As we were standing at the bar, he started to try and dance with me and touch me. "Whoa, easy tiger," I said to him, as I pulled away from his smokin' hot body (Ok, so I'll admit, all the steel jacking was paying off...). I told him I'm not big on PDA.
Just then, his drunk friend across town called and needed a ride. He had to go. Since I was still on the fence, I gave him my number. He wanted to know why I couldn't just go with him. "Um, I need to shave my legs. Badly," I said. I was not making it up-- I really did need to take care of my Sasquatch issues. (Isn't this always the way it works, ladies?)
So I told him to call me when he was done hanging out with his friend. Maybe by then I'd shave my legs and be ready. Which was good, because I needed some time to think about whether or not I really wanted to hook up with him or not. As I drove home, I went through a pro/con list: I I am in a dry spell....and I have needs...but, on the other hand, he's such a chore to talk to, and I'd want to kick him out afterwards...he's got a hot body....but he's so stupid....it's getting late...argh.
By the time I was done shaving my legs, I was still on the fence. It was 3am, and I was tired. I went to bed, figuring if he called and was willing to come over, that would be ok. If not, eh. No biggie. He called at 3:30. I was too tired. I said, "Rain check?" and he said that would be fine. There was always Saturday night.
Netflix is the new myspace. I think I spent 2 hours on there yesterday. I added a bunch of classics (mostly Alfred Hitchcock and Audrey Hepburn stuff), then I went over and added a bunch of dramas, some Saturday Night Live, some 80s movies I've never seen, some Disney movies I haven't seen since I was a kid (Alice in Wonderland, Robin Hood, Lady and the Tramp, Pollyanna, Fox & the Hound)....and then I discovered the documentaries section.
I completely geeked out: British monarchs, orphan trains, China, history of Chicago, Thomas Jefferson, the Shakers, something called The Human Face, babies in utero, a look at higher education in America, Russia, a 3-volume look at the life of birds......I am out of control, people. I had to stop once I got to all the David Attenborough Nature programs. I am crazy about those.
And I wondered why I ate lunch with my teacher when I was in 8th grade. I am Dorkus Maximus.
I have stalled out on my weight loss at 13 pounds. I have been kinda bad the past few days (hell-o, chocolate-covered buttercream easter eggs, brought in by my boss!!!)....BUT the good news is, since MJ is quitting smoking, I will too. Not only am I wanting to support her, but I really need to quit. For real. Forever. Why not now? It's a bad nasty habit that doesn't mesh well with the following:
A) I am trying to lose weight
B) I like going to the gym and giving the impression that I am health-conscious
C) WLF died of COPD
D) 2 of my grandparents died of lung cancer
E) I like having white teeth and smelling yummy
So no cigarettes = more exercise. No cigarettes for a long time = I can pick up jogging again. (I'd like to say "running", but let's not fool ourselves now, ok? A runner I am not. I run like a girl, which makes it hard to take me seriously as a runner. Let's go with "jog".) Whatever you call it, I like it a lot and it really helps me get in shape. Gives you that long, lean look, you know? Ok, so that is my mid-term goal. After the quitting of the smoking.
Enough boring stuff. Let's get to the real reason we are all here: To discuss my Dating Adventures.
Or, in this case, my incredible ability to chicken out on potential Dating Adventures.
You see, readers, I could have gotten laid this weekend. Not once, but twice. True to form, that didn't happen.
Friday night was spent as usual with the Happy Hour Girls. The cute guy I met a couple weeks ago wasn't there. But a different group of guys was there. They are friends with one of the HH Girls. One of these guys was visiting from out of town. "Hey, who's the meathead?" I asked, rolling my eyes. "Oh, that's so-and-so's friend. He's from New Jersey," my girlfriend replied. "Oh jeeeeeeezus. That's great. He looks smart," I said sarcastically. I was glad he was on the outskirts of the group so I didn't have to talk to him-- I know the Ken-doll type. They think money impresses women, and between that and the gym, they rarely talk about much else.
Ten minutes later, my suspicions were confirmed. The meathead had worked his way through my group of friends, catching up and laughing with them. He hadn't met me yet, so he introduced himself. He seemed nice, he wasn't bad-looking. Fantastic body. But that was about it for the positives. I was hoping he'd go away, but as my luck may have it, he decided I was the evening's target female. Grrrrrreat.
True to form, he proceeded to talk about the gym and his car and his hot tub. He was nice enough, but I've met cardboard boxes with more personality. No sense of humor, nothing interesting to say. Doesn't read, doesn't travel, doesn't seem to have much life experience. "Yeah, when I've got some down time, I like to just hit the gym and jack some steel," he told me.
"Did you just say, 'jack some steel'?" I asked, stifling a giggle.
"Yeah. You know, lifting weights?" he answered.
"Yeah, I figured it out. I'm calling you Jack Steel now," I said.
He wasn't doing too badly as the evening progressed (we both love the HBO show Rome, so I dragged that conversation out to a full 15 minutes), until he made a fatal mistake: He pronounced my job title as, "lie-berry-un". I realize this is nit-picky and possibly even snooty, but it is one of my biggest pet peeves. Now I was certain that this guy not only had no personality, but he was also dumb as a box of rocks.
At this stage, I'm thinking, "Ok, it's official. This guy is only good for a hookup. There is no way in h-e-double hockey sticks I could ever date someone so freaking stupid. He's so lame, actually, I don't even know if I could hook up with him. He would not even be allowed to talk in the bedroom. Did he leave his sense of humor in his super-cool car?"
Of course, this is when he started hitting on me, hard core. As we were standing at the bar, he started to try and dance with me and touch me. "Whoa, easy tiger," I said to him, as I pulled away from his smokin' hot body (Ok, so I'll admit, all the steel jacking was paying off...). I told him I'm not big on PDA.
Just then, his drunk friend across town called and needed a ride. He had to go. Since I was still on the fence, I gave him my number. He wanted to know why I couldn't just go with him. "Um, I need to shave my legs. Badly," I said. I was not making it up-- I really did need to take care of my Sasquatch issues. (Isn't this always the way it works, ladies?)
So I told him to call me when he was done hanging out with his friend. Maybe by then I'd shave my legs and be ready. Which was good, because I needed some time to think about whether or not I really wanted to hook up with him or not. As I drove home, I went through a pro/con list: I I am in a dry spell....and I have needs...but, on the other hand, he's such a chore to talk to, and I'd want to kick him out afterwards...he's got a hot body....but he's so stupid....it's getting late...argh.
By the time I was done shaving my legs, I was still on the fence. It was 3am, and I was tired. I went to bed, figuring if he called and was willing to come over, that would be ok. If not, eh. No biggie. He called at 3:30. I was too tired. I said, "Rain check?" and he said that would be fine. There was always Saturday night.
Friday, February 17, 2006
Heavy Petting is the Best!
That got your attention, didn't it? Ha ha! Well, Heavy Petting met up again last Wednesday night and we won the weekly trivia contest for the first time! Go us! We won free pool, free appetizers and free t-shirts. Yay!
I watched Crash yesterday. It's a pretty good movie. Makes you think. I like movies like that. You have to pay attention though, or else you will miss important plot developments. But then again, I'm blonde...
My boo-boo still hurts. No verdict on my having skin cancer yet. Great. Now I get to think about it aaaaaaall weekend. I know, most people wouldn't think twice about it. But I've had stuff removed before--I had a big mole removed when I was a kid. So I'm averaging one mole per decade. Not good. (Sorry. I'll try to refrain from talking about moles from now on. Kinda gross, I know. But we are talking about Cindy Crawford-type moles. Tiny-ish. Flat. Hairless.More like large freckles than anything else. Ok, I'll shut up now.)
I had my semi-annual review today. It went fine. My boss reminded me of all the stuff I have to get done by August. Ho-hum. Can do. But she also said her only complaint is that I'm always late to work. Oops. At least I can fix that. I'm turning into The Czarina, She Who is Always Ten Minutes Late. So no more late night Court TV for me. 10:15 bedtime from now on. And maybe staying up until 4:30am on weekends would be a contributing factor to my problem....
Why have I been staying up so late? In a word, Repo. *sigh* We can't help it. We just talk and talk and talk. No, I'm serious! We just talk! Why don't you believe me?? Oh yeah, I'm a hornball. True. And I'm in a dry spell. Yeah. Ok, now I see where you are getting it. But I've actually been a goody two-shoes. Repo and I haven't even made it to first base yet! Aren't you proud?! This is a record for me. We are actually having a mature, adult relationship so far. You know, one where we like each others' brains and personalities. It's refreshing.
It's driving me crazy. I pretty much daydream about making out with him all the time. Which is cool. I don't know how much longer I can take it, though. I am hoping he will want to cash in some of his brownie points this weekend. His account is pretty full, so he can afford it. We are hanging out on Saturday night, so we will see. He told me last night that he loved the Chinese food I made for him--he ate most of it that night, when I gave him enough for about three meals. His roommate joked that Repo should date me just for my cooking. Ha!
Since I'm moving in a week (YES! Only 7 more days with Bigfoot!!!) I will spend the weekend doing a lot of packing. I picked a good time to do it--it is supposed to be rainy and cold all weekend. I told Repo I might be kind of tired on Saturday from packing, so we might just watch a movie or something. Maybe Old School since I'm the only American who has not seen it yet and he's on a mission to change that. It will be yucky outside, so it's good for cuddling anyway. My new sexy red dress will just have to wait for another weekend.
K and I are slowly getting ready for our move. Her dad, her boyfriend and Repo are all going to help us. Yay for the male species!!! We know what furniture we need: definitely another couch and a washer and dryer. Maybe a big thingie to hold our TV (what are those called, anyway? Entertainment centers?) and a dinette set. (I know, I know. Shut up. I own no Big Girl furniture other than a small couch. I like to stay nomadic in case I ever have to be on the run from the law.) I will also need a desk. We found an ad in the paper placed by a lady who has just about everything we are looking for and so I'm going to try and go buy some of it later today. (Don't you just love one-stop shopping? I'm going to try and haggle.) She is so smart because she puts pictures of everything online! So you can see the couch and the washer/dryer we are going to try and buy...and yes, we would be slipcovering the couch! We were thinking about the armoire, but it looks like it would be a pain to move around. Hopefully she will let us pay now and pick it up on Sunday.
Then on Sunday Brunette and I are going to the hockey game and having dinner at this great Thai restaurant. Pad-kee-mau (sp?) with chicken, here I come!!!!
I will try to blog some over the weekend since I didn't blog too much this week. I've been busy at work this week (!) and so I am behind. I have the next installment of B.S. Free Zone coming up, so stay tuned!
And I'll try to post some recipes....maybe.
I watched Crash yesterday. It's a pretty good movie. Makes you think. I like movies like that. You have to pay attention though, or else you will miss important plot developments. But then again, I'm blonde...
My boo-boo still hurts. No verdict on my having skin cancer yet. Great. Now I get to think about it aaaaaaall weekend. I know, most people wouldn't think twice about it. But I've had stuff removed before--I had a big mole removed when I was a kid. So I'm averaging one mole per decade. Not good. (Sorry. I'll try to refrain from talking about moles from now on. Kinda gross, I know. But we are talking about Cindy Crawford-type moles. Tiny-ish. Flat. Hairless.More like large freckles than anything else. Ok, I'll shut up now.)
I had my semi-annual review today. It went fine. My boss reminded me of all the stuff I have to get done by August. Ho-hum. Can do. But she also said her only complaint is that I'm always late to work. Oops. At least I can fix that. I'm turning into The Czarina, She Who is Always Ten Minutes Late. So no more late night Court TV for me. 10:15 bedtime from now on. And maybe staying up until 4:30am on weekends would be a contributing factor to my problem....
Why have I been staying up so late? In a word, Repo. *sigh* We can't help it. We just talk and talk and talk. No, I'm serious! We just talk! Why don't you believe me?? Oh yeah, I'm a hornball. True. And I'm in a dry spell. Yeah. Ok, now I see where you are getting it. But I've actually been a goody two-shoes. Repo and I haven't even made it to first base yet! Aren't you proud?! This is a record for me. We are actually having a mature, adult relationship so far. You know, one where we like each others' brains and personalities. It's refreshing.
It's driving me crazy. I pretty much daydream about making out with him all the time. Which is cool. I don't know how much longer I can take it, though. I am hoping he will want to cash in some of his brownie points this weekend. His account is pretty full, so he can afford it. We are hanging out on Saturday night, so we will see. He told me last night that he loved the Chinese food I made for him--he ate most of it that night, when I gave him enough for about three meals. His roommate joked that Repo should date me just for my cooking. Ha!
Since I'm moving in a week (YES! Only 7 more days with Bigfoot!!!) I will spend the weekend doing a lot of packing. I picked a good time to do it--it is supposed to be rainy and cold all weekend. I told Repo I might be kind of tired on Saturday from packing, so we might just watch a movie or something. Maybe Old School since I'm the only American who has not seen it yet and he's on a mission to change that. It will be yucky outside, so it's good for cuddling anyway. My new sexy red dress will just have to wait for another weekend.
K and I are slowly getting ready for our move. Her dad, her boyfriend and Repo are all going to help us. Yay for the male species!!! We know what furniture we need: definitely another couch and a washer and dryer. Maybe a big thingie to hold our TV (what are those called, anyway? Entertainment centers?) and a dinette set. (I know, I know. Shut up. I own no Big Girl furniture other than a small couch. I like to stay nomadic in case I ever have to be on the run from the law.) I will also need a desk. We found an ad in the paper placed by a lady who has just about everything we are looking for and so I'm going to try and go buy some of it later today. (Don't you just love one-stop shopping? I'm going to try and haggle.) She is so smart because she puts pictures of everything online! So you can see the couch and the washer/dryer we are going to try and buy...and yes, we would be slipcovering the couch! We were thinking about the armoire, but it looks like it would be a pain to move around. Hopefully she will let us pay now and pick it up on Sunday.
Then on Sunday Brunette and I are going to the hockey game and having dinner at this great Thai restaurant. Pad-kee-mau (sp?) with chicken, here I come!!!!
I will try to blog some over the weekend since I didn't blog too much this week. I've been busy at work this week (!) and so I am behind. I have the next installment of B.S. Free Zone coming up, so stay tuned!
And I'll try to post some recipes....maybe.
Tuesday, February 07, 2006
Repo
Anything worth doing is worth doing slowly. --Mae West
Figured I'd give y'all an update on the Repo situation. Unfortunately, this is not a juicy update. Aside from his lack of being The Man With The Plan, I really have very little beef. Hesitations, yes. Beef, not really. Let me explain. It's going great. It's just....slow.
I've known him now for about two months, but we have only recently started dating. There has been chemistry from the beginning, so things have been simmering for a while. You'd think that knowing each other previously would make it easier for things to...uh, progress into that more-than-friends arena. Well, it's not. To date, there has been absolutely no physical contact. No hand-holding, no kissing, no hugs even. And you know what? It's hot. Who knew??
Very rarely do I meet someone whom I could talk to until the sun comes up. Very rarely do I meet someone who has so much in common with me. And even more rarely am I ok with no smooching. I love smooching. I chomp at the bit while waiting for any potential physical contact. I love it when a guy wants to touch my "squishy parts." I love all that stuff. This is because I'm a total hornball. So why is this ok with me right now? Even in the midst of my almost-record-breaking dry spell?
For one, it's different. It's kind of exciting to actually--gasp--get to know someone before getting physical, rather than during or after. I'm wondering why I have never done this before....oh yeah, the hornball thing. But it's not that I don't know people I hook up with! You know what I mean.
Two, delayed gratification is hot hot hot. I don't know how else to put it. It's hard to pretend you are listening instead of picturing the other person without their clothes on! I'm just kidding. I am listening to him. My imagination just illustrates it differently. And since I can't have what I want, it is that much more desirable. It's making him 30% hotter. But this is how I am with guys in general--I'm such a sucker for the hard-to-get thing. It's just that this is the first time it has been in the physical sense. Usually I just date guys who are emotionally unavailable.
Three, when it does happen, I am hoping the combination of knowing each other well and the pent-up frustration will lead to a very combustible reaction! In fact, I'm starting to wonder if we should keep it like this for a while. Like another month or so. Just so we could max out our steaminess factor. It could be like one of those Harlequin romance novels, bordering on soft porn! (But no longer than a month--hello! Dry spell! Even I have my limits.)
Of course, this wouldn't be a VB post without the other side of the coin--what if this is horrible?? Possible scenarios I have imagined:
1. I wait around all this time, only to find out he can't kiss.
2. I will get an ulcer from nerves. He acts soooo shy around me, which in turn makes me shy, which makes it even harder to make that small leap. (Does anyone else suffer from contagious shyness?)
3. The expectations are so high, all that happens is that we let each other down. Sort of the Delayed Gratification Implosion.
4. He's actually not interested in smooching, hand-holding or feeling my squishy parts because he doesn't like me in that way. Soon I will cross that one-way door: The Friend Zone.
5.Once I get what I want, I will lose interest. His 30% hotter factor will disappear, leaving him with average cuteness. (Maybe all it takes for me to understand the male brain is to be denied physical contact from the opposite gender! I get it now, guys!)
6. If I wait too much longer, I will be so out of practice, I will be terrible. Is it possible to forget how? I'm allowed a couple of practice runs, right?
7. There is some big scary reason for all this waiting around: he's in the V Club, there is some kind of STD thing, his ex is still on the scene, he pulls a FedSucksy on me and has a kid, etc. etc. (And no, I don't think any of these are true. I'm just being paranoid!)
So on one hand, I'm loving it. On the other hand, I'm ready to get it overwith because it's making me crazy. And all this delayed gratification is really building up my expectations! Releasing the floodgates will probably turn me into Queen Hornball and I will be like a greedy little fat kid who is suddenly allowed out of their room for dessert. Once I'm allowed some cake and ice cream, I'll probably just gorge out! I'll be so grateful for anything, I won't even appreciate it because I'll be pigging out on whatever my chubby grubby fingers can grab!
Actually, that sounds kind of nice...I'm looking forward to it!
There's just a couple of hesitations on my part...(remember how I said I have hesitations?)
1. Anyone remember his bizarre behavior on NYE? Don't know how I feel about dating someone who could potentially have a DUI/have a different personality when they consume large quantities of booze. And yes, I have only seen him do that once.
2. And what's up with not walking me to the door on our last date? (Normally he does, but this time he didn't.)
Any advice or opinions on these?
Side note to J-Rich: I know you know who I'm talking about and if you say anything you are dead meat! Librarians are very powerful people. Don't mess.
Figured I'd give y'all an update on the Repo situation. Unfortunately, this is not a juicy update. Aside from his lack of being The Man With The Plan, I really have very little beef. Hesitations, yes. Beef, not really. Let me explain. It's going great. It's just....slow.
I've known him now for about two months, but we have only recently started dating. There has been chemistry from the beginning, so things have been simmering for a while. You'd think that knowing each other previously would make it easier for things to...uh, progress into that more-than-friends arena. Well, it's not. To date, there has been absolutely no physical contact. No hand-holding, no kissing, no hugs even. And you know what? It's hot. Who knew??
Very rarely do I meet someone whom I could talk to until the sun comes up. Very rarely do I meet someone who has so much in common with me. And even more rarely am I ok with no smooching. I love smooching. I chomp at the bit while waiting for any potential physical contact. I love it when a guy wants to touch my "squishy parts." I love all that stuff. This is because I'm a total hornball. So why is this ok with me right now? Even in the midst of my almost-record-breaking dry spell?
For one, it's different. It's kind of exciting to actually--gasp--get to know someone before getting physical, rather than during or after. I'm wondering why I have never done this before....oh yeah, the hornball thing. But it's not that I don't know people I hook up with! You know what I mean.
Two, delayed gratification is hot hot hot. I don't know how else to put it. It's hard to pretend you are listening instead of picturing the other person without their clothes on! I'm just kidding. I am listening to him. My imagination just illustrates it differently. And since I can't have what I want, it is that much more desirable. It's making him 30% hotter. But this is how I am with guys in general--I'm such a sucker for the hard-to-get thing. It's just that this is the first time it has been in the physical sense. Usually I just date guys who are emotionally unavailable.
Three, when it does happen, I am hoping the combination of knowing each other well and the pent-up frustration will lead to a very combustible reaction! In fact, I'm starting to wonder if we should keep it like this for a while. Like another month or so. Just so we could max out our steaminess factor. It could be like one of those Harlequin romance novels, bordering on soft porn! (But no longer than a month--hello! Dry spell! Even I have my limits.)
Of course, this wouldn't be a VB post without the other side of the coin--what if this is horrible?? Possible scenarios I have imagined:
1. I wait around all this time, only to find out he can't kiss.
2. I will get an ulcer from nerves. He acts soooo shy around me, which in turn makes me shy, which makes it even harder to make that small leap. (Does anyone else suffer from contagious shyness?)
3. The expectations are so high, all that happens is that we let each other down. Sort of the Delayed Gratification Implosion.
4. He's actually not interested in smooching, hand-holding or feeling my squishy parts because he doesn't like me in that way. Soon I will cross that one-way door: The Friend Zone.
5.Once I get what I want, I will lose interest. His 30% hotter factor will disappear, leaving him with average cuteness. (Maybe all it takes for me to understand the male brain is to be denied physical contact from the opposite gender! I get it now, guys!)
6. If I wait too much longer, I will be so out of practice, I will be terrible. Is it possible to forget how? I'm allowed a couple of practice runs, right?
7. There is some big scary reason for all this waiting around: he's in the V Club, there is some kind of STD thing, his ex is still on the scene, he pulls a FedSucksy on me and has a kid, etc. etc. (And no, I don't think any of these are true. I'm just being paranoid!)
So on one hand, I'm loving it. On the other hand, I'm ready to get it overwith because it's making me crazy. And all this delayed gratification is really building up my expectations! Releasing the floodgates will probably turn me into Queen Hornball and I will be like a greedy little fat kid who is suddenly allowed out of their room for dessert. Once I'm allowed some cake and ice cream, I'll probably just gorge out! I'll be so grateful for anything, I won't even appreciate it because I'll be pigging out on whatever my chubby grubby fingers can grab!
Actually, that sounds kind of nice...I'm looking forward to it!
There's just a couple of hesitations on my part...(remember how I said I have hesitations?)
1. Anyone remember his bizarre behavior on NYE? Don't know how I feel about dating someone who could potentially have a DUI/have a different personality when they consume large quantities of booze. And yes, I have only seen him do that once.
2. And what's up with not walking me to the door on our last date? (Normally he does, but this time he didn't.)
Any advice or opinions on these?
Side note to J-Rich: I know you know who I'm talking about and if you say anything you are dead meat! Librarians are very powerful people. Don't mess.
Wednesday, December 07, 2005
The Match, part 2
Continuing on with the dating discussion...I will try to reply to everyone's comments in here somewhere...here goes.
First off, XY, this is all very easy for you to say considering you are married and don't have to deal with any of this. But I am not saying I don't respect your opinion. You know I trust it very much. I'm just saying, be glad this isn't your life. If it were, you might be a little whiny too.
I think what is most frustrating to me is that the "real life in the flesh" Virginia Belle never gets approached, and if I do, it is by a drunk/older/redneck guy, like I said. (It is sad to say this, but they are not skeeving me out as much as they used to! I'm starting to be flattered instead of annoyed! Help!) On the other hand, "virtual" VB, whose profile is on match.com, is beating them off with a baseball bat. I get about 40 winks a day--no joke. What gives? I'm flattered electronically, but ignored in reality. So, I'm only good in theory. I'm the same friggin person! How am I better on (virtual) paper than in real life? It's not even a very good picture of me. Maybe it's because on match.com you basically have a sign around your neck saying, "Yes! I'm single! Approach me with minimal rejection risk!" That must be it. Email rejections must be easier to take for men. I still say, rejection is rejection, period. You can put a pretty little bow on it if you want--it still hurts. But anything worth having is worth a risk, right?
I will say that guys have it hard out there. I know it must be very hard to approach someone cold. So I feel their pain, I really do. But I have mad respect for it. Nothing is hotter than a guy with cojones. Nothing. And no matter how repulsive you are, no matter how much she doesn't want to admit it, every girl, deep down inside is at least a little bit flattered. She thinks, "Yes! I've still got it!" That is why I try and always be very nice when men do this, even if I'm not interested. I don't want to discourage them from doing it again to someone who is more receptive! (That's like faking it in bed--why promote bad behavior???)
But, as Stuckey so wisely observed, women have their problems too. I don't know how it is in other parts of the country, but down here, there is still a lot of chivalry going on (thank goodness!!!) and most girls I know are very old-fashioned, ie, you won't catch them dead asking a guy out. I am one of those girls. Like I said, I tried it. Never again. So this leaves many of us as the passive members of the dating world. At least men can keep shooting until they hit something. We women are but deer in the forest. But I like it that way--it feels more natural when the guy does the hunting, at least at first. So I guess I'm happy with the system, I'm just impatient!
I'm glad to know that many guys down here are intimidated by NYC-type women (which, I am guessing means SATC-type girls?). Whew! That is a relief. Because let me tell you, that lifestyle is hard to maintain! And for the record, not every girl is looking for a Wall Street type of guy. (VB is also in this group.)
There is something called "The Prom Girl Theory". I think I read about it on Dating Dummy. This theory states that the pretty girls in high school don't get asked to prom because everyone thinks they must already have a date. While I don't want to come out and say that this directly applies to me *ahem*, I do think there is something to this. I have had people say to me that they assumed I was seeing someone and that is why they didn't hit on me. News flash for men: *If you don't see a ring, go for it! Ask and you could very well receive!* Or gosh, Einstein, how about you ask her friends if she is single? I would think it would be worse for guys to know they missed an opportunity, but apparently not.
I think I need to explain a little more about my being shy. My mom thinks that I'm unapproachable because I don't have a perma-grin on my face. I think that is silly because who does that? I'd look like an idiot. That is not to say I don't try and smile more when I'm out--I do think that "happy=approachable". Plus, going out usually puts me in a good mood anyway. But sometimes, I get smacked upside my head by the Shy Fairy. It could be because I can't think of anything good to say, I feel the need to have a warm-up session, I could have been caught off guard, I'm feeling very self conscious (this is especially true at the gym, where I never make eye contact!), the guy could be really hot, or my self-esteem that day is just a little on the low side. Whatever the reason, this happens sometimes. I completely choke. So the guy leaves thinking I'm not interested/boring/snobby. When really, I want to run after him yelling, "No, wait! Can you come back tomorrow and try it again?!" Then I go home, cry and beat my head against a wall. Just kidding. But I kinda want to.
Oh, and girls are so onto you guys about beer and football. Some girls really do like it. I love college basketball. I am starting to get into college football. Now, I may not always know what's going on, but I'm smart enough to wait until the commercials come on before asking ten questions. I do not mind watching any game/fight/man movie, because it usually means I'm allowed to fall asleep in the guy's lap if I want. As far as the beer goes, many of you know I do not drink alcohol. Ever. But I'm really big on spoiling men, so I will always be happy to get up and get you one. :) And I think it is only fair that we suffer through these sporting events, because we do drag you guys to chick flicks. Good call, XY.
I think that we can all say that men are stupid in their way (thinking below the belt) and women are stupid in their way (putting up with jerks who choke them, for example). I'm pretty sure that those women are suffering from poor self-esteem, but I wonder if men tend to think below the belt for the same reason? Do some guys feel they don't have anything else to offer? What am I saying! Men are just horny. News flash for men: *Some women are too. Very much so.* I can think of three off the top of my head. But they will remain nameless to protect the innocent. *ahem*.
But back to those women who settle or put up with crap. Guys, this is where women are stupid. But the good news is, we grow out of it when we get tired of it. And 90% of women do eventually get tired of it. Any girl who puts up with an asshole has never been really really hurt. She is stubborn and has to be burned on the stove before realizing that it's not a toy. Just be patient. She'll figure it out. (She may have to do this several times with different men, btw.) This is where it is a good strategy to "be there for her" and one of the few times when being in the Friend Zone can really pay off in the long run. With each relationship injury, she will come back stronger and smarter. And wouldn't you rather date that version?
And I'm sticking to my guns about my statement that some guys are too busy hooking up with sluts to give nice girls the time of day because they don't want to deal with being in a real relationship. I understand! Relationships are hard. But, as I said before, anything worth having is worth putting yourself at risk to obtain it. Unfortunately, the sluts still have the upper hand. I know guys will stay with women because they put out! Don't deny it, male readers! Guys have confessed this to me! Each one of you has wasted time dating (and I use the term "dating" loosely here) a girl you didn't really like as a person because she was
a) the only ninth grader who was not in the V Club
b) really great in bed
c) a warm body to snuggle with and you were lonely
d) a good cook
e) horny all the time and lived out of town so you only had to deal with her occasionally--all the good, none of the bad!
f) really drunk and hit on you
News flash for men: *Choices b)-f) apply to lots of nice, attractive girls! And without drama! And sometimes we are funny and smart to boot! We may even be someone good to introduce to your mom! Give us a chance. Relationships might actually be fun. What a concept.* But I'm picking on you guys. I am not a man hater by any means. Quite the contrary. I think men are generally very funny and sweet and easy to be around. I am a man fan. Plus, I really like ogling you at the gym--watching guys do pull-ups is my porn. That is so hot....[VB daydreams for a moment...]
Oh, and before anyone makes a comment about this, I do give nice guys a chance! Heck, I take whatever I can get at this point! I refuse to lower my standards, but I am conscious of the "sleepers" ie, nice guys. I am much more open-minded than I used to be about this (Yes, I was burned pretty badly). But I stick to my "three strikes and you're out" policy.
And I don't think Italian women are any competition at all (that is not to say that XX isn't ravishing, because she is definitely a hottie!!). I don't see any woman as competition. To me, it's apples and oranges. Somewhere, there is a guy who is looking for me. Not Cindy Crawford, not Tyra Banks, not Pamela Anderson. Me. Just me. And when he meets me, he will think, "Oh my God. She totally does it for me. All other women are suddenly invisible." Do models and prettier girls lower my self-esteem? Sure. But only for about 5 seconds because I know that she deserves to be happy as much as I do and she doesn't hold the same cards as I do. Some of hers are probably better, like her size 4 jeans, but I'm sure I have some card she envies, too. So who wins? It doesn't really matter because we aren't trying to win the same hands. Those girls are looking for totally different jackpots. (How's that for a metaphor?!)
I'm looking forward to Team Richardson's next podcast on Columbia Chatterbox. I like the "If you can only afford Wal-Mart, why are you shopping at Saks?" question. I think a lot of guys and girls do this. Heck, look at the drunk/older/redneck guys that talk to me. You have to date in your league. Otherwise you are just setting yourself up for disappointment.
So far, few agree with me, but I don't think this town has much to offer in the way of a large pool of datees. I get a lot of, "Oh, I know a great guy for you! But he lives in Superfar Town." Thanks, but that doesn't help. I don't do long distance. I think there are a lot of married couples in Columbia, although there are pockets of singles. I have met many of them. I looked through match.com and found that I've already "e-met" just about everyone on there I care to. Like the natives of Easter Island, I have used all my natural resources, leaving me with an uninhabitable environment, full of little besides mysterious men and unanswered questions. Which is why, like they did, I've been thinking seriously of moving to a bigger island, ie, Richmond, Va. I have heard they have a truckload of singles there. I know, I only need one hot awesome single guy, but towns like that only improve my odds! I'm reaching for my paddle...in the hopes of discovering some coconuts...ha ha. I'm such a perv.
Oh, and for the record, I'm not looking for men in bars. I'm looking for men everywhere I go all day long. Duh! :) I go to bookstores and parks like I said. I check out guys at bars, the mall, the bank, the grocery store, at football games, at stoplights and at the gym. And there are a surprising number of hotties at my Wal-Mart...(I can't wait to see how this plays into your metaphor!) There must be an underground cavern of men nearby!
And with that, I will leave you to ponder and reply...
First off, XY, this is all very easy for you to say considering you are married and don't have to deal with any of this. But I am not saying I don't respect your opinion. You know I trust it very much. I'm just saying, be glad this isn't your life. If it were, you might be a little whiny too.
I think what is most frustrating to me is that the "real life in the flesh" Virginia Belle never gets approached, and if I do, it is by a drunk/older/redneck guy, like I said. (It is sad to say this, but they are not skeeving me out as much as they used to! I'm starting to be flattered instead of annoyed! Help!) On the other hand, "virtual" VB, whose profile is on match.com, is beating them off with a baseball bat. I get about 40 winks a day--no joke. What gives? I'm flattered electronically, but ignored in reality. So, I'm only good in theory. I'm the same friggin person! How am I better on (virtual) paper than in real life? It's not even a very good picture of me. Maybe it's because on match.com you basically have a sign around your neck saying, "Yes! I'm single! Approach me with minimal rejection risk!" That must be it. Email rejections must be easier to take for men. I still say, rejection is rejection, period. You can put a pretty little bow on it if you want--it still hurts. But anything worth having is worth a risk, right?
I will say that guys have it hard out there. I know it must be very hard to approach someone cold. So I feel their pain, I really do. But I have mad respect for it. Nothing is hotter than a guy with cojones. Nothing. And no matter how repulsive you are, no matter how much she doesn't want to admit it, every girl, deep down inside is at least a little bit flattered. She thinks, "Yes! I've still got it!" That is why I try and always be very nice when men do this, even if I'm not interested. I don't want to discourage them from doing it again to someone who is more receptive! (That's like faking it in bed--why promote bad behavior???)
But, as Stuckey so wisely observed, women have their problems too. I don't know how it is in other parts of the country, but down here, there is still a lot of chivalry going on (thank goodness!!!) and most girls I know are very old-fashioned, ie, you won't catch them dead asking a guy out. I am one of those girls. Like I said, I tried it. Never again. So this leaves many of us as the passive members of the dating world. At least men can keep shooting until they hit something. We women are but deer in the forest. But I like it that way--it feels more natural when the guy does the hunting, at least at first. So I guess I'm happy with the system, I'm just impatient!
I'm glad to know that many guys down here are intimidated by NYC-type women (which, I am guessing means SATC-type girls?). Whew! That is a relief. Because let me tell you, that lifestyle is hard to maintain! And for the record, not every girl is looking for a Wall Street type of guy. (VB is also in this group.)
There is something called "The Prom Girl Theory". I think I read about it on Dating Dummy. This theory states that the pretty girls in high school don't get asked to prom because everyone thinks they must already have a date. While I don't want to come out and say that this directly applies to me *ahem*, I do think there is something to this. I have had people say to me that they assumed I was seeing someone and that is why they didn't hit on me. News flash for men: *If you don't see a ring, go for it! Ask and you could very well receive!* Or gosh, Einstein, how about you ask her friends if she is single? I would think it would be worse for guys to know they missed an opportunity, but apparently not.
I think I need to explain a little more about my being shy. My mom thinks that I'm unapproachable because I don't have a perma-grin on my face. I think that is silly because who does that? I'd look like an idiot. That is not to say I don't try and smile more when I'm out--I do think that "happy=approachable". Plus, going out usually puts me in a good mood anyway. But sometimes, I get smacked upside my head by the Shy Fairy. It could be because I can't think of anything good to say, I feel the need to have a warm-up session, I could have been caught off guard, I'm feeling very self conscious (this is especially true at the gym, where I never make eye contact!), the guy could be really hot, or my self-esteem that day is just a little on the low side. Whatever the reason, this happens sometimes. I completely choke. So the guy leaves thinking I'm not interested/boring/snobby. When really, I want to run after him yelling, "No, wait! Can you come back tomorrow and try it again?!" Then I go home, cry and beat my head against a wall. Just kidding. But I kinda want to.
Oh, and girls are so onto you guys about beer and football. Some girls really do like it. I love college basketball. I am starting to get into college football. Now, I may not always know what's going on, but I'm smart enough to wait until the commercials come on before asking ten questions. I do not mind watching any game/fight/man movie, because it usually means I'm allowed to fall asleep in the guy's lap if I want. As far as the beer goes, many of you know I do not drink alcohol. Ever. But I'm really big on spoiling men, so I will always be happy to get up and get you one. :) And I think it is only fair that we suffer through these sporting events, because we do drag you guys to chick flicks. Good call, XY.
I think that we can all say that men are stupid in their way (thinking below the belt) and women are stupid in their way (putting up with jerks who choke them, for example). I'm pretty sure that those women are suffering from poor self-esteem, but I wonder if men tend to think below the belt for the same reason? Do some guys feel they don't have anything else to offer? What am I saying! Men are just horny. News flash for men: *Some women are too. Very much so.* I can think of three off the top of my head. But they will remain nameless to protect the innocent. *ahem*.
But back to those women who settle or put up with crap. Guys, this is where women are stupid. But the good news is, we grow out of it when we get tired of it. And 90% of women do eventually get tired of it. Any girl who puts up with an asshole has never been really really hurt. She is stubborn and has to be burned on the stove before realizing that it's not a toy. Just be patient. She'll figure it out. (She may have to do this several times with different men, btw.) This is where it is a good strategy to "be there for her" and one of the few times when being in the Friend Zone can really pay off in the long run. With each relationship injury, she will come back stronger and smarter. And wouldn't you rather date that version?
And I'm sticking to my guns about my statement that some guys are too busy hooking up with sluts to give nice girls the time of day because they don't want to deal with being in a real relationship. I understand! Relationships are hard. But, as I said before, anything worth having is worth putting yourself at risk to obtain it. Unfortunately, the sluts still have the upper hand. I know guys will stay with women because they put out! Don't deny it, male readers! Guys have confessed this to me! Each one of you has wasted time dating (and I use the term "dating" loosely here) a girl you didn't really like as a person because she was
a) the only ninth grader who was not in the V Club
b) really great in bed
c) a warm body to snuggle with and you were lonely
d) a good cook
e) horny all the time and lived out of town so you only had to deal with her occasionally--all the good, none of the bad!
f) really drunk and hit on you
News flash for men: *Choices b)-f) apply to lots of nice, attractive girls! And without drama! And sometimes we are funny and smart to boot! We may even be someone good to introduce to your mom! Give us a chance. Relationships might actually be fun. What a concept.* But I'm picking on you guys. I am not a man hater by any means. Quite the contrary. I think men are generally very funny and sweet and easy to be around. I am a man fan. Plus, I really like ogling you at the gym--watching guys do pull-ups is my porn. That is so hot....[VB daydreams for a moment...]
Oh, and before anyone makes a comment about this, I do give nice guys a chance! Heck, I take whatever I can get at this point! I refuse to lower my standards, but I am conscious of the "sleepers" ie, nice guys. I am much more open-minded than I used to be about this (Yes, I was burned pretty badly). But I stick to my "three strikes and you're out" policy.
And I don't think Italian women are any competition at all (that is not to say that XX isn't ravishing, because she is definitely a hottie!!). I don't see any woman as competition. To me, it's apples and oranges. Somewhere, there is a guy who is looking for me. Not Cindy Crawford, not Tyra Banks, not Pamela Anderson. Me. Just me. And when he meets me, he will think, "Oh my God. She totally does it for me. All other women are suddenly invisible." Do models and prettier girls lower my self-esteem? Sure. But only for about 5 seconds because I know that she deserves to be happy as much as I do and she doesn't hold the same cards as I do. Some of hers are probably better, like her size 4 jeans, but I'm sure I have some card she envies, too. So who wins? It doesn't really matter because we aren't trying to win the same hands. Those girls are looking for totally different jackpots. (How's that for a metaphor?!)
I'm looking forward to Team Richardson's next podcast on Columbia Chatterbox. I like the "If you can only afford Wal-Mart, why are you shopping at Saks?" question. I think a lot of guys and girls do this. Heck, look at the drunk/older/redneck guys that talk to me. You have to date in your league. Otherwise you are just setting yourself up for disappointment.
So far, few agree with me, but I don't think this town has much to offer in the way of a large pool of datees. I get a lot of, "Oh, I know a great guy for you! But he lives in Superfar Town." Thanks, but that doesn't help. I don't do long distance. I think there are a lot of married couples in Columbia, although there are pockets of singles. I have met many of them. I looked through match.com and found that I've already "e-met" just about everyone on there I care to. Like the natives of Easter Island, I have used all my natural resources, leaving me with an uninhabitable environment, full of little besides mysterious men and unanswered questions. Which is why, like they did, I've been thinking seriously of moving to a bigger island, ie, Richmond, Va. I have heard they have a truckload of singles there. I know, I only need one hot awesome single guy, but towns like that only improve my odds! I'm reaching for my paddle...in the hopes of discovering some coconuts...ha ha. I'm such a perv.
Oh, and for the record, I'm not looking for men in bars. I'm looking for men everywhere I go all day long. Duh! :) I go to bookstores and parks like I said. I check out guys at bars, the mall, the bank, the grocery store, at football games, at stoplights and at the gym. And there are a surprising number of hotties at my Wal-Mart...(I can't wait to see how this plays into your metaphor!) There must be an underground cavern of men nearby!
And with that, I will leave you to ponder and reply...
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