Carry Me Back to Old Virginia?

Y'all, my job hunt is on the move. I am on Mission: Richmond or Bust. After a lot of thinking and praying and research, I have decided that there isn't really anything my current job can do to keep me here in Savannah and that I am only interested in moving to Richmond, VA. I hate living in this town. I have met some great people, I love my apartment and I do like my job (most of the time), but my personal life here stinks. It's a vicious cycle of this town not having what I want, which puts me in a bad/depressed attitude, which makes me not want to work harder at making the best of this place.

I have recently had discussions with a couple of my best girlfriends here in Savannah and all 3 of us dislike living here. We all agree that there is a curse or some kind of oppressive atmosphere over this town. I thought it was just me, but when I mentioned it to them, they thought they were the only people thinking that, too! We all feel like we have become depressed ever since we have moved here. It's very odd.

This was a long blogging gap! Let's see what you have missed....oh, so my favorite coworker, the one who was running the other half of the library, quit. Her old job wooed her back -- and she would have been insane not to take the job. So I am temporarily running the whole library again, for no extra pay. My temporary boss did just get me a nice raise, though -- 4%. We usually only get 3%, so I appreciate that. We've also had another person quit (I'm telling you, it's like rats fleeing a flood around here), so now we have 4 vacancies to hire for. If I leave, too, that will be 5. And no one will be running the library. I do feel a little guilty about that....with all the craziness and absurdity of my job, I do like it. No job is perfect. But if only this job were somewhere else! There is nothing my current employer can do to make me love Savannah. It's a great place to visit, but not to live.

I counted up the # of people who have quit/been fired from the library since I started here 2 and a half years ago: 16. That is a LOT of turnover, especially when the staff is only about 20 people total. Luckily, many of the ineffective and bad employees are gone (save one, although if all goes well today, he will be getting fired this afternoon, after 6 YEARS of his antics). So if I already don't like living here, and no one else is staying, why should I stay? I have had 4 awesome awesome coworkers over the years here, and all 4 of them have quit. Honestly, I hate working here without them. That more than anything else has affected my morale. And The Czarina reminded me -- I have been trying to find a job in Richmond since I got back from Hong Kong. That was over a year ago. It's time to move on.

In other news, I took down my profile on eHarmony -- I am trying to leave this town, so dating now doesn't really factor into my plan. I may pick it up when/if I get to Richmond, although I don't think I will do eHarmony again -- they don't let you browse! Kind of frustrating. You have to wait for them to send you people.

Do you remember me talking about Miss Perfect who lives upstairs from me? She suddenly stopped talking to me. It happened after I told her I am a Christian. I think that made her uncomfortable. She asked me a bunch of questions about it and I told her that in the past I had claimed to be a Christian but was not really walking the walk. I told her how I am living my life now as opposed to a few years ago (or even a few months ago!) and I think she felt I was judging her or something. Which I'm not! I'm actually kind of envious of her ability to have guys sleep over....and not go to church....*sigh* Anyway, it did hurt my feelings, but at the same time, I didn't really see her becoming my best friend or anything, so I suppose it's for the best. She reminded me a little too much of my old roommate (the one who was bi-polar and would go on spending sprees even though she was broke). I thought we could at least hang out together, but I guess she doesn't agree. Oh well. I am taking it as another sign that it's time for me to move on.

The Ex-Fiance still lives here in Savannah. He still hangs out with all my friends, which is fine. It used to piss me off but I have gotten over it. He and I have just been avoiding each other. But he randomly messaged me on Facebook a few weeks ago and apologized for avoiding me and making things weird. I really appreciated that. So we have chatted a little via Facebook/text message, and I think we're cool now. It's all water under the bridge. He was dating a girl for a little while, and that made me happy for him, even though it didn't work out. He's even watching Sammy for me while I'm in Virginia later this week.

It was a long, boring summer for me, mostly because I was broke as a joke. My tenant (remember, I own a house in Columbia, SC) moved out in early May and I had no tenant....all summer....I just now have someone in there, which is awesome because I was dipping into savings to pay for rent AND mortgage all summer. Ouch! I literally bought nothing but groceries all summer long. No shopping, no vacations.

Now for the exciting part of this post! This post's title is a play on the state song of Virginia....which I am using because later this week, I have a job interview. I am pretty excited about it! It's a very well known art museum, and it would be an amazing place to work. I have been visiting that museum since I was a kid.

If I get it, it will be much less responsibility. I would miss being a supervisor, but I also think that I'm really burned out on my current job, and would welcome a slower pace so I can focus on my personal life more. It has really taken a back seat ever since I got here to Savannah. I am a little concerned, career-wise, about potentially going down the ladder, but if my personal life is more fulfilling, I may not care. And you never know -- moving up can happen anytime.

Another way this job would potentially affect my career is that it would be a 2nd art librarian job in a row. By focusing my career on such a tiny field (there are only about 300-400 art librarians in the U.S.), I am slightly worried that I may be putting myself in a box, essentially type casting myself. But this kind of organization would probably be easy to grow in (I read one of their annual reports and it says they are expecting a lot of people to retire over the next few years). And again, if I like my job, that won't matter!

The daughter of one of my mom's friends works there now and she said everyone there is very smart and super nice -- what more can you ask for in coworkers?? This museum has really become an icon of the city, and its success can only be due to the amazing employees there, so I would love to be a part of that!

The biggest boon would be, of course, moving to Richmond. I absolutely love Richmond and have always wanted to live there. I'd be close to my family and I know Richmond has all the stuff I am looking for in a city (I have been researching! I learned my lesson about moving here -- I did no research and just went with my emotional response to Savannah-- huge mistake.). One of the first red flags I got when I moved to Savannah was that no one here is from Savannah. That means they all get out ASAP. Richmond is not like that at all. You can't shake a stick without hitting a Richmond native -- I take that as a really good sign. I can see this being my -- gasp! -- last move.

I am trying not to count my chickens before they hatch or be overly confident about this, but I have a decent shot at getting this job. If you read the description of the requirements, I have every single one of them...plus extras. I would be taking a small pay cut, but nothing drastic. And again, if my personal life improves, it will be worth it.

The Czarina is, of course, ecstatic. She wants to have all of her "chickens" (that's what she calls all of her children) back in the roost, so to speak. I miss home, too. Now that my brother Fat Dog is married (yay! They ended up eloping to Hawaii and we are all very happy!) and my little sister Smurf is in college, I really want to be around family more. Even though The Czarina drives me nuts, I still love her.

The cherry on this little sundae I am whipping up is that The Czarina owns a condo right down the street from the museum -- a nice condo. That she will rent to me. And then I can walk to work and live in a super awesome neighborhood. WOOT!

So I'll be flying up for my interview on Wednesday. The interview is on Thursday morning. Wish me luck!

Oh, and if anyone has advice/good stories to share about moving down the ladder or taking jobs to enable you to focus on your personal life more, I would love to hear about it! Was it worth it? Do you have any regrets? Have you found it difficult to move back up the ladder later? The Czarina did it once and she (to this day) doesn't regret it. Although that might be because when she did it, she moved to Washington DC and met my dad. Of course it's easy for her to say she didn't regret it!

Rings I Like

Y'all, I don't know why you even read my blog. Seriously. I never get around to read anyone's anymore, it seems. I feel really guilty about it. I promise I will get to it soon!!!! My life is just really bonkers right now!!!

Ok, so CN had major sticker shock when I sent these to him, but I figured I could at least show him my dream rings, right??? OMG I am beyond in love with Tacori rings....click on "multi-view" to get a better look.

Like this one.

And this one.

Or this one.

But I think this one is probably my favorite!!! Yeah, it's pretty safe to say that I'm obsessed with Tacori. Unfortunately, I will probably never get one. :(

I'm hoping we can find a Tacori-look-alike for a much smaller price. I know there are some Scott Kay ones out there that are similar and more affordable. And there's a jewelry store in town that is going out of business, so we are going tonight to go check it out. They are having a lot of great deals. (If anyone has any tips for buying good rings at a discount, please let me know!)

Basically, I want either a round or oval diamond, either a solitaire or a 3-stone, and I want an intricate band of some kind. I really like that Art Deco 1920s look. I want my ring to look antique. I don't care so much if it's white gold or platinum. Does that make any sense?

Also, to my female readers -- do you have a ring that has diamonds all the way around the band, or carving around the whole band? Because I really like the look, but I'm worried that it will irritate the insides of my fingers, and maybe I should have a band with all the stuff just on the top, so the underside of the band is smooth and non-irritating. I'm thinking long-term comfort, you know. :)

I didn't realize it, but it turns out that CN's mom doesn't have an engagement ring. She and her hubs just went and got married. But I suspect it may have been because it was the second marriage for both of them. Anyway, CN is so funny. He honestly thought engagement rings were like $800, including the wedding band and a decent-sized diamond. I guess you can tell he's never been engaged before, huh?

Poor CN. He had major sticker shock! LOL He was like, "That's the price, just for the setting???"

"Well, babe, you're supposed to spend 3 months salary, is what I've always heard," I replied.

"That's like.....a car!" he exclaimed.

"Yes, but I think that this is a much better investment, don't you? I mean, look at what you get!" I replied, trailing my hands over my body like a product model from The Price is Right. "It's a steal, really, if you think about it."

"Babe, I hate to tell you this, but it might be awhile before I can get one of those for you," he exclaimed. "With us moving...I'm going to have to save up for a while to get that."

After making some self-depricating jokes about how I guess I'm not worth it, he started laughing and telling me I'm crazy and silly. I told him that I will take whatever he can afford and that we can probably find something similar at a lower price. (My mom had the idea of maybe getting a big gemstone ring instead, which is an idea I like. I kind of want something different anyway. I saw a girl on tv once who got a pearl engagement ring. It was pretty cool.)

"Babe, the cost of the ring is not what's important to me. As long as it's a style I like, I'm good. I dont' want you to buy a big ring and then resent me for it later. I'll take what you can afford," I explained.

"You will? Cool!" he exclaimed. "Cubic zirconia from K-Mart it is!"

"That's not funny, CN."

Ring in the New Year?

Update: CN's job transfer to Savannah isn't finalized, but his boss said it looks "promising", whatever that means. He and I did some number crunching, and it really just makes so much financial sense for us to go ahead and shack up, dammit. We both have mortgages and we may not get renters for a few months. There's no way I could afford rent AND a mortgage on my own. (I am not getting that big of a raise!) Besides, we all know how bad I am with money. *ahem* So I am going to have to suck it up and hope that CN will eventually buy the cow, instead of only enjoying the free milk, if you get my drift.

And I am not 100% comfortable with it. I know what you are saying/thinking: "I did it with my man, and now we're married! Don't worry!" or "It's no big deal. He loves you. You will totally get married, so just chill and go with the flow." or "You never really know someone until you live with them. This will give you insight into your marriage!" or "Marriage, schmarriage! You need the 2nd income! Be glad you're on such good terms with your future roommate!"

Which are all valid comments. But I worry. What if one year of living together turns into three...five...eight...and I turn into Little Miss Where Is My Ring??? I don't want to be that girl. With the bitching and the nagging and the ultimatums. But I will eventually get there, I know it. I already have days where I want to scream at him, "What are you waiting for???!!!!" And I always joke that I am free on Saturday afternoon if he wants to run down to the courthouse.

Also, what if we break up? (Ok, at this point, it's extremely unlikely-- laughable, actually -- but still. It could happen!) Then I am stuck with a 12-month lease on my own. Ouch.

My point is, I want some security. Preferrably in the form of a large gemstone on that all-important finger. I want him to put his money where his mouth is. I have been trying to stay calm and trust that he will do it one day like he says he will. I have made him promise that it will be before my ovaries shrivel and before my boobs are down to my knees. But that's about as much as I have said. Deep down inside, I am scared of being left high and dry or turning into a shrill bitch.

And living with a man is something I always imagined doing after I got married. I guess I'm just old-fashioned. CN thinks shacking up is a no-brainer and he's not getting why I'm freaking out about it. I tell him it's because he doesn't have a uterus. Which puts a puzzled expression on his face.

When CN asked me a few weeks ago, "Could we live together if we got engaged? Or does it have to be marriage?" I didn't really know what to say. I hadn't thought about that option. But that's a decent amount of commitment. I know, in the logical part of my brain, that he's not going anywhere. He's in it for the long haul. But that lobe in my brain, the one in charge of "What if?", is buzzing with paranoia, and I can't shut it up. Triggered by his question, that worrysome lobe began quivering, and I almost blurted out, "No! Marry me, you commitment-phobe! What the hell?! We are perfect together! Stop stalling!"

But then I remembered: moving to Savannah was my idea. Not his. And he's totally down for going, no questions asked. Moving farther away from his family. Selling or renting his house. All the personal, financial and material upheaval that comes with living in a new place. He's down for it. Because he knows it's what I want and that it will make me happy. (It will make him happy, too, don't get me wrong -- he wanted to move there, too. In like 3 years. Not 3 months. LOL)

So I said, "Yes. We can live together if we are engaged."

And then I let it drop. I didn't push it anymore. In fact, with all the talking about moving, I kind of put it in the back of my head and decided that I would worry about that later. If we got engaged first, great, if not, oh well. In other words, I was totally caving on the issue. (Shhh! Don't tell him that.)

So imagine my surprise when last night, as I was cleaning up after our dinner of bean and cheese quesadillas. CN grabbed my hands and said, "Are you ok with living with me?"

And again, I didn't really know what to say. I was....mostly. I said, "Well, I mean, yeah. But it's not really the way I had planned it. But I don't see how else I can afford it. It just doesn't make sense for us to both move there and not live together."

"Would you feel better about it if I got you a ring?" he asked.

Well, duh.

"YES!" I shouted.

"Ok, well, we can go ring shopping. Email me some photos of what you like tomorrow when you get to work." [Note: At last count, I emailed 8.]

"Can we do that this weekend?" I asked, jumping up and down.

"I thought we were going to drive down to Savannah and look at apartments," he replied.

I reminded him that we don't even know what our budget is yet, and that we might as well just stay here and go ring shopping. He agreed.

WOO HOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Big News!!

Hi, Everybody! I know I've been MIA lately, but there's a good reason for it!!!!

No, I'm not engaged.

I know, that's what you were hoping for, right? Don't hold your breath. I know I'm not! My eggs will be shriveled into mummified remains before CN ever pops the question. Argh.

No, I have big news! Good news!! I can tell you what my big secret is now!!

I am moving to Savannah, GA in three weeks.

I am really excited, because that's where I want to live. But I'm really stressed because it's all happening REALLY fast and I am not super-prepared for all of this.

For the past couple of weeks, I've been busy with interviews and job applications and shopping for interview suits for more interviews...and then yesterday, I was offered the position. I'll be working at the library for a well-known Savannah art school.

And I'm scared shitless.

This job will expect a LOT more from me. I will be someone's boss for the first time--2 people, actually. I will be able to work a lot more independently. I am expected to travel more and do more overall. The working environment is (not to dis my current job!) a lot less laid-back and a lot more fast-paced than what I'm used to, so I will have to bring my "A game".

These are all good things, though. I'm just freaking out. I can do it. I'm excited for the challenge. It's just scary to give up all this stability: my house, my friends, my stable job, my boyfriend being right across the street....

So, in addition to that stress, I have the following problems:

1. I am broke as a joke. Moving costs money. And no, they aren't paying any moving expenses. I asked. I will need to get my tax refund ASAP.

2. I have to find someone to rent my house. NOW. (Trying to sell it in this economy is probably a waste of time. Besides, I just started getting equity. I wouldn't even profit if I sold it now.)

3. I can't rent a place in Savannah until I rent mine out, because that will determine if I can get a nice apartment or if I will have to live in my car. (Or in a van down by the river! LOL)

4. I do not know what CN is going to do. He is going to request a transfer from his job, but we don't know if he will get it. If not, we are looking at a long distance relationship until further notice. Which will stink, but it won't be the end of the world. It's only two and a half hours distance.

5. If he does get the job transfer, it will rock because they will pay for the movers.

6. But that also means we would probably end up living together, which is something I really don't want to do because I am old-fashioned, even though financially it makes a LOT of sense.

7. CN's dad took a turn for the worse and it's REALLY bad, so CN and I are stressed out about that, too. (I really think his dad might be pretty much near the end at this point. It's bad, y'all. It's so sad, because he's in a lot of pain. It seriously sucks right now.) And CN is not going to want to move anywhere if his dad stays like this for any length of time. (Which is fine and I totally understand and wouldn't expect him to move under those circumstances anyway. It's just another piece to the puzzle -- if he is planning on moving later, should I get a bigger apartment in anticipation??)

8. I can't tell my boss I am quitting until they finish my background check (no, I have nothing to hide, but it's just a good idea to make sure I'm cleared before I go blabbing about it). Hopefully they will finish it before I would need to give my 2 weeks' notice. *crosses fingers*

9. And did I mention that I am not really getting a raise? On paper, I am. But because of the higher cost-of-living for Savannah, my quality of life will stay pretty much the same.

I have 21 days to figure all this crap out. So if you don't hear from me a whole lot over the next month or so, that's why. But I'm sure I'll be stressed and will need to vent, so stay tuned.

I am a giant ball of anxiety right now. I am not sleeping and food disgusts me. I could totally barf on command, thanks to all the butterflies and stress knots in my tummy. The upside to all of this is that it's the best diet ever. I have zero interest in eating!

I will turn 30 in the town I want to live in. Cool. My first day will be the Monday before my birthday. :)

Determined to Decorate

Before I get into this post, I have a sad update for y'all. When CN and I went to his parents' house for Thanksgiving, we found out that CN's mom was laid off from her job. She works for a company that supplies automobile parts to Ford, so it was not a big shocker to hear that her employer was cutting back.

As crappy as this is, it isn't as bad as it could be. She still has benefits and they will pay her half her salary for 11 months. Supplemented with unemployment benefits, they will be fine, for the most part. The good news is, they have no debt -- their house is paid off, their cars are paid off and (like CN) they have no credit cards. So financially, it's not like they're up shit's creek. She's going to take care of her hubs for a while, and look for a job later.

One of the things that is actually good about all of this is that now CN's mom can stay home all day to take care of her husband. Until now, she has been paying through the nose for a nurse to stay with him all day. And CN's dad obviously likes this a lot better. So in one way, they will save money because of this.

I tell ya, this economy is starting to hit home, and it's kinda scary. It just really sucks to hear something like this happen to a family that already has a lot on their plate. I wish there was something I could do for them.

Alright, on to something cheerier.

When E moved out, I realized that I am too old and set in my ways to deal with having a roommate again. I don't care how wonderful they are, it's not worth the money. I do NOT want a roommate ever again. The way I look at it, this might be the last year I get to live alone in my own house (knock on wood!), so I want to enjoy it.

A good way for me to move on from the whole E situation and really get to feeling like my house is my house and no one else's is to decorate her old bedroom and bath so they can be livable and usable for me. Right now, I'm not really using them. They are both empty, blank canvases -- they are exactly as they were the day I moved in. So I am really excited to do something with them. I'm going to make them pretty girly, since that kind of decorating won't fly when I have to start accommodating my tastes for CN. He's not much for anything with ruffles, you know. So this is my last chance to live it up and do things my way. EEK! I can't wait!

I'm going to turn the bedroom into an office/guest bedroom combo. So that means I will need to buy a day bed or sleeper sofa. Something to that effect. CN had the brilliant idea (he is full of brilliant ideas) to have the day bed/sleeper sofa also serve as a reading spot for me -- so I will put some books and a reading lamp in there, too. As for the office aspect of it, I already have a desk I can use, so I just need something where I can store my various files and projects and office supplies.

I was originally going to do a black & white color palette, because I really like how graphic and bold those colors can be. Plus, it's easy to find a ton of things to decorate with -- black & white photography, for example. Everything goes with black and white! It's also gender-neutral, which is good for a guest bedroom. But then I realized that a black & white room will not mesh well with the rest of my house, which is full of calm, soothing pastel colors. It's really important to me for my house to flow from one room to the next. Since the bedroom opens into my icy blue living room, I think the starkness of black and white will look weird. So I have scrapped this idea.

I want the bedroom to feel serene, so that house guests can relax and so that I can read or focus on my little projects I'm always fooling with. A pastel palette will accomplish this, and it won't clash with the rest of my house. Then, I remembered an article I had read in a magazine that had gorgeous colors in it: pale aqua, light lime, dusty blueberry, lots of white and a deep violet-blue. Perfect! It's so me. So calming and refreshing. I love it! Here's a link to the article so you can see what I'm talking about. This will look much better next to my icy blue living room.

I want the bathroom, which pretty much serves as my guest bathroom, since it's off the living room and attached to this empty bedroom, to be very dramatic and glamorous. I'm going to paint the walls this color. Only darker -- like a purply-navy. A very deep, rich jewel tone (it will flow with the bedroom, because the same color will be the accent in the bedroom). Here's a virtual room I painted online, which shows you kind of how it will look:



This isn't exactly the color, but it's pretty close. There aren't any windows in the bathroom, but since I don't really use it, it's not like I have to worry about good lighting anyway. I'm planning on keeping the trim, shower curtain and towels white, so that should be enough to prevent it from looking like a cave. I'm going to play it up with mirrored/silver things and a splash of bright, rosy pink. Kind of a bubblegum/watermelon pink.

If you think this sounds gross, just trust me. I can picture it perfectly in my head. It will end up being the only dramatic/richly colored room in my house. Something a little different. The rest of my house is fairly pastel and calming. At the same time, the colors will mesh well with the rest of my house.

There are only 2 things stopping me from creating my two beautiful rooms:

1. I don't really have any money right now. It might have to wait until after the holidays. Bummer, right?
2. I am notorious for never finishing projects. And few things look stupider than a half-decorated room. I really have to make myself finish something, for once. Or at least get it functional.

This should be fun! I haven't really done a lot of decorating on my own before, so I'm pretty stoked. And CN and MJ are also excited, because this means I'm finally off my genealogy kick!

Crap!

Well, crap.

Ok, remember how I was waiting to hear if I got to teach a class this fall? And if I got to teach the class, I could quit my part time job at Dildo's? And then I wouldn't have to work weekends anymore? Well...

I didn't get a class.

So now, I am stuck at Dildo's. Unless I can find another part time job. One that doesn't suck. I hope it's soon. I am getting really tired of Dildo's. And there's no way I'm working there over the holidays. I have worked retail during the holidays before, and it's a nightmare.

Y'all, I am really bummed about this!!! I guess I got my hopes up. I knew I shouldn't have done that. Because you know what happens when you do that. Counting chickens, etc.

It's not like this is the end of the world, but I'm starting to get really burned out and was really looking forward to having more free time. But now, after paying off about $2,000 in credit card debt, I'm kind of hooked on watching my balances go down, you know? I don't want to quit now. I'm just starting to make a big dent!!! 25% of my credit card debt is GONE. That is a good feeling!!

I can quit whenever I want. Yadda yadda. But it's hard to quit when you want to pay down debt. And it's really nice to have that extra money around when little emergencies come up (example: my car battery died the other day) or when you want to treat yourself to gorgeous handbags*. I can pay for these things without breaking a sweat. Since I have budgeted paying $500-600/month on my credit cards, but my Dildo's job sometimes pays more (because they work me to death), I usually have an extra $100/week to spend on crap. I like buying crap. Crap makes me happy. Not the dammit-will-I-ever-get-to-quit-this-stupid-job crap, but the look-how-freaking-fabulous-my-new-bag-is crap.

Ugh, this is such a blow to my morale. You have no idea how much I have been day dreaming about sleeping in on Saturdays, lazy Sunday afternoons where I read a book on my couch, weekend trips, a clean house, having time to work out again...*sigh*

I guess I will just have to keep my eyes peeled for a better part time job, and maybe cross my fingers that I can teach a class in the spring.

At least now I won't have to worry about whether or not CN and I will take a trip over Labor Day weekend. Dildo's settled it for me: I will get to work extra-long hours that weekend, thanks to our Labor Day sale.

Crap!!!!! This sucks donkey balls!!!!! Please leave me cheery and encouraging comments! I am bummed out!!!

* I have this purse, in a beautiful pearlescent white leather, on hold at Dildo's right now. Thanks to our kick-ass sale going on at the moment, instead of $248, I can buy it for $87. WOOT!

Timelines

Well, after three verbal requests and a nasty email, I was a little pissed to see that my manager at Dildo's was still ignoring my request for a weekend off. When I got to work on Wednesday, she hadn't even so much as given me a courtesy reply to my email. Not even a "I will have to see about this. I will talk to you later about it." -- I got nothing. Nada. [insert rage and frustration here.]

I knew she hadn't left work yet, so I paged her. No reply. I knew she was ignoring me. [insert more rage and frustration here.]

About a half hour later, I see her, trying to sneak away by taking the long way around the jewelry department. It was raining, and she even had the nerve to sort of hold her umbrella in front of her face. As if I'm not going to know it's her!!! ARGH.

"Heather!" I shouted, accusingly. She was so busted. She stopped, put down the umbrella, and glared at me.

"I need to talk to you about my schedule," I continued, unfazed. "I'm tired of this. I need a weekend off. And why didn't you reply to my page?"

"Technically, I'm not here right now," she snapped back. Ohhhhhh, no she didn't!!! I have talked to her numerous times, and she keeps blowing me off, and NOW she's copping an attitude with ME??? That little fresh-outta-college snooty ass bitch! She is going DOWN. I am so sick of her making time in her day to flirt with one of the other managers but never making time to do her fucking job.

Then she told me that I need to realize that not everyone gets a weekend off every month. Some people just don't get one, sometimes.

I replied, "Yeah. I know. I'm one of them. But I need this weekend off."

I did not appreciate her attitude or her bullshit. Almost everyone else in the department gets their weekends off with no problem. But for me and a couple other people, we have to pull teeth. It makes no sense.

"Fine," she said, halfway rolling her eyes. "Just take it."

"Thank you," I replied. Heather left.

I was so pissed off at the way she had just acted, I almost walked out right then and there. If it weren't for a special sale going on today, I probably would have just quit on the spot. But there's some jewelry I want to buy...so I will work tonight.

Over my luxurious weekend off, I will think about whether or not I will return to Dildo's on Monday. I might. I might not. Maybe I will "forget" to come in. Or perhaps I will, but I will "technically not be there." AAAARRRGH.

I am really crossing my fingers that I will hear SOON about whether or not I get to teach this class. I don't know how much longer I can put up with Dildo's. Maybe I can hang in there for two more weeks...

Speaking of timelines, I talked to The Czarina the other day. Now, a lot of people have a hard time understanding why she drives me nuts, but if they knew the crazy things that she says to me, they would understand. This is basically how our phone conversation went:

Mom: So, how is CN?

VB: He's fine! Wonderful as usual.

Mom: That's good. He's such a nice guy. I do like him.

*Relief on my end of the line.*

[Little do I know, she's just setting me up. That was her idea of a warm up to what she really wanted to lecture me about.]

Mom: So, have you two talked about marriage yet?

Oh Jezus. Here we go....

VB: *trying desperately to think up an urgent reason to get off the phone.* Not really, Mom. No.

Mom: Well, you know, you might want to put him on a timeline. You don't want to waste any more time. I mean, if he's never going to pop the question...you might just want to break it off.

[Nevermind that doing so would make me totally miserable, but apparently, this is beside her point. And I love how all the time I've spent dating him has been a 'waste' of time.]

VB: Mom, we're fine. We have had a couple of conversations in that direction. He asked a lot of questions about my roommate's engagement. And we talked about kids once.

Mom: *hissing* Well, don't bring it up! You want it to be his idea! Let me tell you, you don't want a man who doesn't have to marry you. All that stuff should be his idea! It all needs to come from him! He needs to really really want to marry you.

VB: Ok, Mom. I get it. Yes, I agree. I don't want to browbeat him into it or anything. I'm not really an ultimatum kind of girl.

Mom: Ok, well stop bringing up wedding stuff. Don't even mention it around him.

VB: *rolling my eyes* Ok, Mom. We haven't even been dating a year yet. Everything is fine.

Mom: Ok, well, I love you, hon. I'll talk to you later.

VB: I love you, too, Mom. Bye.

Is anyone else wondering how it is fair to put CN on a "timeline" without informing him about this timeline? Doesn't seem quite fair, does it? It's like she's saying, "He needs to marry you soon. But don't talk about marriage." WTF? That doesn't make any sense! That's like yelling at someone for not taking out the trash, when they didn't even know the trash was full in the first place. Even though you knew the trash was full the whole time. It's like expecting someone to read your mind. And it's not fair.

And nevermind that he and I may not be ready for all of that yet! I love how she never asks me how I feel about this idea. Apparently, I don't need to think about it or decide anything for myself. It's all about how CN feels. A marriage conversation is totally one-sided, I guess. We know there would be no hold up on my end. I must be ready. I'm a girl. I want to be married yesterday. (Ok, I guess I can't really argue with the last statement...let's be honest, here.) But good grief! Like I need any pressure from my mother!!! We'll get there when we get there!

She's acting like women have to trick men into marrying them or something. And that's not what I'm all about. At all. If CN turned to me today and said, "I don't want to get married for another 8 years." I would be ok with it. Obviously, I wouldn't be super excited about it, because I would like to get married before I'm 40, in all honesty. But that's not something I would break up over. I would still want to be with him, even if he took his sweet ass time. I'm trying to enjoy the ride, not set an egg timer.

Jeezus! What is with her advice lately?? This is almost as bad as the time she told me I should go to medical school:

"Why, Mom? I don't want to be a doctor. I don't even want to be in the medical field. That's a helluva lot of debt. And besides, I have a weak stomach. Why on earth would I do that?" I replied.

"Duh!!! So you can meet and marry a doctor, Virginia!" she replied, frustrated. I swear, if she had been sitting closer to me, she would have thunked me in the head.

Do you see what I have to put up with?? My mother is crazy!

Groundhog Day

**WARNING** There is an obscene amount of whining and bitching in this post. Skip if you don't feel like listening today. Don't worry. I won't have time to notice a lack of comments.

Groundhog Day.

Have you seen the Bill Murray movie? I haven't, but based on what I've heard, I probably should. Apparently, it's about a man who has to re-live the same day over and over.

Oh, how I can relate.

Ironically, I don't have time to watch it. I'm too busy living my own Groundhog Day.

CN told me about an old "In Living Color" skit about the Hedleys, a family of Jamaicans, caught in a one-upmanship of employment. But the end of the skit, their claims are pretty outrageous:

I can relate to that skit, too: "I don't have time. I have to go to work." Sometimes, I feel like I work 12 jobs.

My full-time job is on the same schedule every week. My part time job is on the same schedule every week. With a few small gaps, these two schedules mesh perfectly together all week long. My house isn't so much of a home as it is an extremely dirty hotel room to me. I hurry between my bed, my main job and my part time job, only to repeat it again and again and again. Day in and day out, with each job session connected to the next, like a circled chain. I feel like I'm stuck in the pilot episode of an extremely popular dramadey: "Broadcast tonight with no commercial interruptions."

You have no idea what I would give for a goddamn commercial interruption. Time to sleep, time to clean, time to sit on my couch and BREATHE. Time to do laundry, time to cook a real meal, time to actually SEE my friends, instead of just texting them sporadically. Time to play with my dog and wander around Target.

My schedule is so strict, that if I don't get an errand done early Thursday morning, it doesn't get done. Period. I have to plan when to fill up my gas tank. I forget to go to the bathroom, only to realize I needed to pee 3 hours ago. Or I am baffled as to why I'm suddenly so thirsty, only to realize that it's 3pm, and the last thing I drank was the 6am coffee that morning. I am so concerned with the "OMG! I'm late! Where am I supposed to be? What am I supposed to be doing?" that I'm forgetting to do little things, like water my yard, return phone calls or make deposits at the bank. I find myself really looking at my priorities: unload the dishwasher or shave my legs? Iron the clean shirt, or dig through the dirty clothes to find something that will pass? Sleep or eat?

And lately, with my brain's dial set to the "Go! Do! Now!" setting, I'm having a hard time turning my body off at the end of the day, no matter how exhausted I am. That means that now, I am starting to get insomnia.

Hoo fucking ray.

Btw, this is on top of the constant headaches and gastro-intestinal issues I've already developed, thanks to my super fun new schedule.

And if you are someone who is good friends with/dating/married to someone who works two jobs, you would be The Most Awesome Person in the World if you would offer to run errands for that person. Or vaccuum their living room. Or cook them a meal. Or throw their clothes in the dryer. Instead of saying things like, "Yeah, I'm going on vacation to your most favoritest place in the world! Wish you could go with me! But you have to work, right?" or "My day? Oh, I just sorta watched tv today. Went to the gym. Took a nap. Not much." Saying these things might get your head ripped off, instantly and without apology.

So much for the Public Service Announcement portion of this blog post...and yes, CN did say that 2nd one to me the other day. But I was too exhausted to do anything more than whimper. Thinking about it pisses me off. A lot. But how can you ask your boyfriend to vacuum your living room for you, when getting the 2nd job was your idea in the first place? *sigh*

You can imagine how much fun I am to be around. Let me tell you, I am a *peach*. If I had my wish right now, I would scream at a stranger, and then have a good cry and a nap. It's sort of what I imagine being pregnant is like. Exhaustion, frustration and hopelessness. It's not going to end for months. And months. What have I gotten myself into? Why did I think this was a good idea? Is it too late to go back to the good ol' days?

Those of you who are mothers, work two jobs or have otherwise absurd numbers of juggled balls in the air, I salute you. Seriously, how the fuck do you do this without either losing your mind or turning into a supreme mega bitch?

I know what you are asking. "VB, why not just take a sick day? Call in, take a day off, you will feel better!" To which I reply:

1. I need much MUCH more than a day off. I need like a week off. Complete with clean sheets, a massage and fruity drinks. A pile of books, a big TV and a totally blank calendar. One day off wouldn't be a drop in the bucket. I had last Sunday off. It wasn't enough. It was nice to cook, don't get me wrong. But it wasn't enough. I need a Decompression Period.
2. I can't take a day off from my library job. I am working on Super Massive Huge Project, remember? And it's due on August 1st. I am about 85-90% done. So until it is done, no can do. To be perfectly honest, I have no business typing this blog post right now. I don't technically have time. But I have to do it, or I might kill a kitten or something.
3. I can't call in sick to Dildo's. First of all, it would only give me 3 hours off, and 3 evening hours isn't enough, either. Besides, they tend to fire people who call in. Not that it matters. I might quit today anyway.

Too bad my poor Dildo's manager has no idea what's coming for her at 6pm tonight. It is I, in all of my exhausted rage, and I have every intention of getting in her face and being a total bitch. Without warning. This is why:

1. Every employee gets one full weekend and one additional Sunday off per month. To date, I have had one weekend and two Sunday off. Over a 3 month period. Also, no Dildo's employee is supposed to close every Saturday. I have. So I think I've been getting screwed. This is not making me happy. Especially since that ONE weekend off was spent at my mother's house. So think about aaaaaaaall the stuff you have done in the last 11 weekends. I have not had that time at all. It was spent standing on my feet.

2. I have brought up the fact that I am not a machine to my manager, who replies with either, "Sorry, that's Dildo's policy." or "I didn't give you that day off? I'm sorry! I will fix it!" -- Both replies piss me off. Because they both communicate the same message: "I don't care!" It's bad enough hearing this message from any manager. But when it comes from the mouth of a 23 year old bimbo who spends most of her time at work doing nothing except flirting with another manager, you pretty much want to rip her face off.

This past weekend, I became fed up. After asking my worthless Dildo's manager for a weekend off this month THREE times, she "forgot" to change my schedule before she called in sick for a three day weekend so she could hang out with her boyfriend. So I had to work all weekend, AGAIN. If you are looking at a calendar right now, you will see that there are 4 weekends in July. Three of which have already passed without her fixing my schedule.

That means, there's only one weekend left. It's inventory weekend. No one is supposed to have that weekend off. So I know she's going to tell me I can't have this coming weekend off, either. And that's when I will punch her in the face. My goal is to break her nose in the process. I think that under the circumstances, the judge will be merciful.

"Give me Friday, Saturday and Sunday off, or I quit. Now." -- is what I will say. I know it doesn't sound like much of a threat, but that's because you don't know she's had some major turnover in her department lately. (My guess is because she never gives anyone any fucking days off.) So she is MEGA short handed at the moment.

And if she doesn't go for it? Fine by me. I was planning on quitting soon, anyway. Because I just cannot take this any more. At this point, maybe being in debt is worth a little sanity. Who knew how important weekends are to your psyche?? I mean, yeah, I'm making $150-200 a week. But at what price? I feel like shit. My house smells. I haven't exercised in three months. I am exhausted mentally, physically and emotionally.

Fuck. I'm late. I gotta go. I was supposed to go to lunch 45 minutes ago. Sorry about all the bitching and whining. I will try and be funner tomorrow. :\

A Slap in the Face

I went to the dentist on Monday afternoon to discover that I have not one, not two, but THREE cavities. When I get them filled next week, I have to shell out $500. And yes, that IS after insurance, in case you're wondering. And although needles and cavity experiences aren't one of my main phobias, they aren't exactly a walk in the park for me, either. I sweat buckets and tense up anytime I sit in those chairs. It's what I would call a high-stress situation for me.

Because that's what I need: more stress and less money.

"I'm sorry. You must have the wrong mouth," I wanted to reply when the dentist broke the news to me. But unfortunately, my mouth was full of his gloved fingers and a small mirror. So I was unable to do more than whimper.

I was shocked to hear this news. According to The Czarina, I inherited her excellent teeth, rather than my father's disgusting and sad excuses for teeth. I have only had one teeny tiny cavity in my whole life. So what was this?? I mean, I can understand ONE. But THREE??? What did I do? Too much candy?? Not enough flossing?? I do have a bad habit of not always brushing my teeth before bedtime. I guess it caught up to me.

My coworker provided an interesting theory: I may have caught CN's mouth bacteria from kissing him. Since he has bad teeth, he may have spread his cavity bacteria into my mouth and made mine worse with every smooch. My boyfriend is giving me cavities. Great. What a jerk.

Well, at least I don't feel so terrible now about what happened the other night. He and I are kind of even now. This is what happened:

MJ got a new cell phone. For some reason, her new phone hasn't been communicating well with mine. When she sends me a photo, I receive it about 6 times. Over a 6 hour period. So when it's 2:30am and you are being awakened by your cell again, only to see that you are getting something you've already received four times, it's a little aggravating.

I know what you are thinking: Duh, VB. Turn your phone to silent.
To which I reply: My cell = my alarm clock, so I can't. Back to the story.

So the other night, I spent the night at CN's. I was totally exhausted. I had been getting that repeat photo from MJ, but figured it had stopped at three copies. I fell into what was a very pleasant and extremely deep slumber.

And that's where I stop remembering things. I was THAT sleepy. According to CN, this is what happened around 2:30am:

My phone beeped. (It was the same stupid photo from MJ again. And can I just state right here how much I hate Motorola? Because their phones will beep until the cows come home when you have a new message. You are not allowed to ignore it. You MUST deal with it. NOW. This is the stupidest design flaw I've ever seen. This Motorola phone will be my last.)

I woke up, and in my sleepy stupor, reach over to shut the damn phone up. The beeping also woke up CN, World's Lightest Sleeper. He starts cuddling and kissing on me. I reply:

"GET THE F**K OFF OF ME OR I WILL SLAP YOU IN THE FACE!!!!"

Taken aback, CN apologizes and moves away, telling me I am mean.

For some reason, I half-way comprehend what has just happened, and I go over to kiss him and apologize. "Kiss?" I say.

"No! You're mean!" CN replies, half-joking.

"Fine. Whatever," I reply.

Then, I proceeded to roll over and immediately go back to sleep.

I have absolutely no recollection of this entire event. But I can assure you, CN isn't letting me forget it. Anytime I touch him, I have to hear "Get the f**k off of me or I will slap you in the face!"

Which is fine with me. I can't afford a fourth cavity, anyway.

A Light at the End of the Tunnel

This month is going to suck. Not only do I have to finish up the Big Suck-Ass Project here at the library by the end of the month, but Dildo's is still working me over 20 hours per week, and it's not going to change. And my dumb manager got my schedule wrong -- I'm supposed to have one weekend off from Dildo's per month. Right now, the schedule says I have 0.

Which means the only day this month where I do not have to work at all is: July 13th. Gee, thanks.

Ok, ok, I shouldn't complain. I am paying off my credit cards like mad. I think I will pay off about $700 this month. Maybe $800. It's almost worth not having a life. Almost.

That's why I'm so freaking excited about some news I recently got: I am going to be an adjunct instructor and teach a college-level class here where I already work, starting in August. This is extremely awesome because:

1. It's only 1-2 nights during the week, so no more weekends!!
2. It pays a lump sum of about $1200, which I can just forward on to my credit cards in a big lump sum, instead of juggling around money between all my bills and two jobs and five paychecks like I am doing right now. It gets confusing, especially when the Dildo's paycheck is vastly different from week to week. And my electricity bill is all over the map.
3. I love love love love to teach. Anything. To anyone. Even this class, which is a sort of Welcome-to-College-Here's-How-Not-to-Fuck-Up class. Seriously, teaching is definitely on the short list of my passions.
4. Since I will already be at the library, and therefore already on campus, I will not have to use any gas to get to my night job. Woot. And I think it will end around 7pm-ish, rather than 9:30 like Dildo's.
5. There is nothing to buy while I am there. I have spent at least $100 on jewelry since I started at Dildo's. Oops. I guess it's like an alcoholic working in a bar....kind of dumb to get a job at the mall, now that I'm looking at it....
6. I will get to totally avoid the Hell that is The Holiday Mall.

The class runs from August - mid-December. If you are number crunching right now, you are correct: this is not going to pay as well as Dildo's, where I am earning about $500/month. BUT I will have a life again! I can go to the gym, cook, see my friends, sleep in on Saturdays......ahhhhhh. I can't wait.

So I'm thinking I will quit Dildo's at the end of the month, enjoy a 2 week semi-vacation where I only work one job, and then my class will start. The cool thing is, once you start teaching this class, they usually have you teaching it every semester. So I'm good to go.

In other money-related news, CN got his economic stimulus check. Since he is smart and doesn't have oodles of credit card debt like his girlfriend does, his options are limitless with this $600 he just got from Uncle Sam. I asked him what he was going to do with it, and he made a joke about eating it (don't ask) and then promptly changed the subject. Hmmm. That's an interesting reaction......to my admittedly semi-nosey question. So a couple days later, when the topic of the Uncle Sam check came up again, I got the same answer.

Is anyone else thinking what I'm thinking? No? Just me? Ok. Moving on.

Btw, he and I celebrated our 10 month anniversary by.....(drumroll please)...eating leftovers and passing out on the couch in front of the tv. What an exciting couple, no?

Oh! Some more exciting news: I have a Little Sister (as in Big Brothers Big Sisters). We haven't met yet, because I'm trying to schedule our meeting, but my schedule is not cooperating. Argh. So I'm playing phone tag with the Big Brothers Big Sisters rep, who is playing phone tag with the girl's mother. It's crazy. But the mom wants to get the ball rolling ASAP, so we may meet up as soon as this weekend!!!! Yay! So exciting.

Tomorrow is the 4th. I will be working. Shocker! I'll be at Dildo's all day. But it won't be an entirely suck day: they are feeding us lunch (hot dogs and burgers), which is nice. It would be nicer to get time and a half, but whatever. (New employees don't get time and a half on holidays, which is probably why they have me working all day long.)

After I get off work, I am going to see a semi-pro baseball game downtown, where I will eat more hot dogs (seriously, I'm in a phase) and actually --*gasp*-- hang out with some friends! I seriously only see MJ twice a month now, and it's killing me. Text messages and emails only go so far. Most of what she knows about my day-to-day life now is via this blog. That is sad.

Oh! If you are wondering about Miss MJ, since her blog is now defunct, here's a quickie update:

She sorta dated this guy who works for her company, but lives in Florida. He was in town for a couple of months, and was rather smothering, then he was a bad kisser, then became a good kisser. I'm hoping to get more details soon. Also, she is now in a co-ed soccer league, and their first game is tonight.

And I have dubbed myself Unofficial Team Mom, because A) I don't have shit else to do. LOL and B) any excuse to bake something is awesome for me. So I managed to squeeze out enough time to bake some cupcakes this morning, and after I get off work here in a few minutes, I'm going to take them to MJ and her teammates.

Then she and I are going to have some much needed girl time. Until I have to go to bed so I can get up early for work. *sigh*

One more month. Then I have a life again.

Fashion and the City

This past weekend, I managed to squeeze in enough time to catch the Sex and the City Movie with MJ and her coworker JP. (Since KT moved back to NY, JP has been a super-fun replacement in our girl gang. Not that KT can be replaced, but you know what I mean. Anyway, I love making new friends, so it's always nice to see JP.)

After the movie was over, MJ & JP mentioned that they thought the clothes were ugly, outrageous and impractical. I, on the other hand, thought they were FANTASTIC. They are fun and irreverent. When I go to the movies, I want to escape my mundane life and pretend I have another life -- usually, the life of the heroine. I think this is why I like romantic comedies so much. My life can always use more laughter and love, as far as I'm concerned.

In the case of SATC, I love to watch it and pretend that

A) I live in NYC, my thus-far favorite place on Earth,
B) It is socially acceptable to wear outrageous haute couture clothing that is so artistic and unique, and
C) I have enough money to do both things.

So to say that I really enjoyed this movie is an understatement. It was like a wonderful, extra-long season finale episode. Now, ladies, if you haven't seen it yet, I promise I won't give any plot details away. But I have GOT to share these fabulous (and, admittedly socially outlandish) clothes with you!!!! Yes, I know they are silly and crazy. But I love them!!! I love how fun fashion can be. I love that fashion is sort of like art in motion. It's like a painting or a feeling that you can wear. I love how confident the women who wear these clothes are. I really wish I got to wear such crazy stuff all the time. And why not? Life is short. The way we dress is one of the few things we have control over in this life. It's just an outfit. It's temporary. Removable. Fun. We watch crazy things on tv. We eat crazy foods at exotic restaurants. Why not wear crazy clothes, too? Who's with me?

I think I am hearing crickets. *sigh* Ok, fine. I guess the cheese stands alone.

I know men don't "get" SATC and they think it's all man-bashing. And I know most people don't get the crazy clothes. Or the absurdity of the fact that a writer, living alone in NYC, can afford a designer wardrobe. But I am totally ok with suspending reality when I'm watching a movie. And I really enjoyed suspending reality for this one! So ladies, if you have been planning on seeing it, you've GOT to. It was a great movie, even if you are just a minor fan of the show. But I wouldn't go see it if I were a novice fan. You've got to understand the history of Carrie & Big, Miranda & Steve, Charlotte & Harry and Samantha & Smith so you won't get lost. Ok, enough about the movie. Let's look at the clothes!!!

Here were my faves:
Hello! How badly do I want a pair of zebra shoes like these now? LOVE how Carrie wears them with a red print and a sequin minidress. Great contrast.
Alright, everyone has been dissing the bird in her hair. But I think it's AWESOME. Very Carrie. And I love the color. So original -- who else wears feathers in their hair on their wedding day?? Almost like a hat. And I love women in hats. I want hats to come back!!
Miranda's blue dress might be the most gorgeous thing I've ever seen. And Charlotte's roses are my favorite color.
Ok, I am not really feeling this green dress that much. But I do like the shoes! Gladiator stilettos?? I am woman, hear me roar! RAWR!!!
I have to admit, I could do without Samantha's shoulder pads. But I love everything else, especially Miranda's gold dress.
LOVE the dresses Charlotte and Miranda are wearing.
Gorgeous, gorgeous gorgeous. Another shot of Charlotte's bridesmaid dress.
Super fun dress. Love the hot pink with the belt. I'm not feeling the footwear, though...it's too much, even for me.
Freaking awesome dress. Yes, I know it looks like the flower is eating her face. But it's so dramatic. *sigh*
I'm pretty sure this dress is from a scene that was cut. But isn't it fantastic?? So feminine.

Now, unless you have seen the movie, you won't understand the significance of these blue satin Manolos, but aren't they just perfect??? I wish I had a pair. Note to self: buy pair of blue satin stilettos, despite the fact you have no outfit to wear with them.

Ok, fashion moment over. Back to reality. Brown pants. Ruffled aqua blouse. Flat, brown sandals. South Carolina. Yawn.

Tales from the Clinique Counter

To pay off my gi-normous credit card debt, I am going to get a part time job.

Yesterday, as CN and I were running some errands, I decided to stop by the department store at the mall to see if there were any openings at the Clinique counter. When I was in grad school, I used to be a Clinique girl, and it wasn't too bad, as far as part time jobs are concerned.

Pros:
*tons of free makeup and perfume -- TONS
*you don't come home smelling like food
*if you are going out afterwards, it's easy to touch up your makeup before you go
*since the mall closes at 9, it's still early enough to meet up with friends afterwards
*you won't get blisters on your feet, cuts on your fingers, or mysterious goo on your body (can you tell I waited tables for a looooonnng time??)
* if you are on the clock, you are getting paid

Cons:
*you work 3 weekends a month
*you have to deal with the public
*you are not paid in cash
*department store managers tend to be...not the best bosses I've had in my life (more on this later)
*you will never make more than your base pay while you are on the clock (I am expecting to make $10/hour)

So I walked up to the lady at the Clinique counter (who may or may not technically be a midget, btw, as unusual as that sounds) and asked her about it. She seemed really excited about my inquiry and called over the head Clinique girl. She was even MORE excited than the almost-midget lady.

It turns out that they needed a PT person. And since I am already experienced in Clinique AND a former employee of the same chain of department stores, they all but guaranteed me the spot. I'm probably still in their system, actually, which will cut down on all that new employee paperwork! WOOT!

If I work 15 hours per week, I should make $600/month (before taxes). This will help out SO MUCH, considering I'm already putting about $300/month towards my credit card debt already. Yay!

And although I'm excited about the free makeup, I am dreading the downside: working with the public. Don't get me wrong -- the vast majority of people who come in are great. They are nice, easy to deal with and well-groomed. (See where I am going with this?)

But some of the people....well, I think some Tales from the Clinique Counter can explain this well:

1. One day, a totally drunk lady was roaming around the makeup area. On a Sunday. At noon. She was so plastered, I think the store called the police to have her escorted out. But that was after she verbally harassed half the cosmetics staff. And knocked over a bunch of stuff.

2. Some people who want makeovers surprise me, because they are kind of putting the carriage before the horse. Let's see. How do I put this? Um, if your unibrow weighs 4 pounds, or if you have acne that makes a pizza look like a clear complexion, or if you have a hairy chest*, you should deal with those issues before getting a makeover. Same can be said for body odor, chin hair and missing teeth (hey, I live in SC, remember). I know I sound snooty right now, but seriously, would YOU want to put makeup on a woman's hairy chest?? (Yeah, she wanted to see if we could "cover it up". It's like, "No, lady! We can't!") It's so crazy to me that these women will look in the mirror and think, "Yes, that's what I need. A new lipstick." WTF?!

3. Then there are the people who try to take advantage of the generous return policy. One girl came in 10 minutes before closing (WHY do these people always come in right before closing??) with a huge bag of stuff. I think it was over $200 worth of Clinique stuff. She wanted to return everything. Normally, this is no problem at all. But this girl was returning EMPTY containers she had originally bought a YEAR previously. (Even more incredulous was that she actually still had the receipt!) Because of the extreme absurdity of her return request (I believe I said, "Um, are you kidding me?"), I decided to consult a manager before approving it. But it turned out that we couldn't really say no to her -- she was technically within the limits of the return policy. She got all her money returned onto her credit card. Then, she stormed off in a huff because we couldn't return the money to her in cash!

4. Another lady used to take advantage of the neighboring Lancome counter. She would buy expensive perfumes and body lotions, only to take them home, use about half of the product, fill the bottle back up with water or cheap lotion, and exchange the items for brand new ones. Since they were "like new" to all outward appearances, no one caught on. They thought she just wanted to try a different perfume or lotion, or that she had purchased the wrong one by accident. She did this about 3 times before anyone caught on. After that, she wasn't allowed to make returns anymore!

5. Then, there were The Minivers. I can't remember what their last name was, but it sounds like Miniver. This was an elderly couple, who on first inspection, seem like your regular, cute grandparent-like couple. But don't let them fool you -- they will CAMP OUT at your makeup counter, making you demonstrate every single freaking product you sell. These are the same products you demonstrated to them the last time they came in, by the way. After each application on Mrs. Miniver, she and Mr. Miniver would discuss how it looked on her. This would take about 15 minutes per discussion. You will sit there and wonder why in the hell an 80 year old man gives a rat's ass which shade of eyeshadow looks better on his wife of 56 years. After they decide which products they will buy, they will end up spending about $300. But wait! Don't get too excited about that big sale, even if your manager does pat you on the back! Mrs. Miniver will arrive bright and early tomorrow morning to return everything she bought the day before. And then someone else will have to go through the whole thing again with her.

Imagine my excitement when I quit the Clinique job to take on a full time position at the public library.........only to discover that Mr. and Mrs. Miniver used that library. And drove everyone nuts there, too. There was about a 3 year period where I couldn't escape the Minivers!

Those are the main crazy makeup counter stories. If I think of more, I will share. And all apologies to any female readers with hairy chests. :)



*I wish I was making this up, but I'm not. Yes, the woman had a hairy chest. Like a man. And she decided to wear a low-cut top. It was a scary moment. One of the few times in my life I've literally been speechless. "Distracting" doesn't even begin to cover it.

Back to the Grindstone: Budget

Obviously, my cash flow is on the low side after my cruise. It ended up costing about $700 total, which ate up the majority of my tax refund.

So it's back to the grindstone as far as budgeting is concerned. Here are some bright spots:

1. I just transferred my old Visa balance to a new 0% interest rate card. I am going to make $200 payments per month (more than double the minimum amount due) so that I can get the debt down to about $1,000 in a year. That is sooooo much more manageable. Once it's that low, I should have it paid off completely six months later. In theory.

2. April = mild temperatures = low electricity bill.

3. I have already paid off the cruise. Entirely. WOOT -- that was hard to do, but I decided to be the responsible adult for once. Go me.

There are some challenges:

1. I would like to get a part time job. It would be strictly for savings account/credit card debt purposes. But how can I find a part time job that won't interfere with my gym/exercise regime? I need to have time to work out. And it needs to be a job that won't leave me totally exhausted, so that I can still hit the gym afterwards. Anyone have any good ideas? Here is a list I have made of ideas:

* could try to be a Clinique girl again. Plus: free makeup! Downside: putting makeup on some people is gross. (Have I told you my stories??) And if you've ever worked retail, you know that it has its own type of suckage.

*I could wait tables. Plus: lots of exercise while I work! Downside: I come home smelling like food. And say good-bye to weekends. And getting enough sleep.

*I could be a PT librarian at another library. Plus: It pays very well, and the work is easy. Plus, libraries are always cold in the summer. Downside: Even more sitting on my ass, being bored. And one library here in town is still pissed at me for quitting, so I know they won't even consider hiring me back.

2. If I got rid of my Internet at home, it would save me $45 per month. That adds up quickly. I would love to get rid of my Internet at home, especially since I never use it. CN already told me that if I needed to, I can use his computer for Internet. So what's the problem? I use my computer to charge my iPod and use iTunes so that I can work out. I canNOT exercise without music. No Internet = no iPod = no exercise = fat VB. And that cannot happen. Does anyone know how I can get around this? CN's work computer won't let me use iTunes and his USB ports are broken, anyway. So using my iPod at his house is out for now. And I don't want to leave my iPod at work to charge. Obviously. Does anyone know if you can still charge your iPod even if you don't have Internet???

And there are some goals:

1. I have another credit card, which has a balance that is quickly getting away from me. It's hovering around $6000. I know that's not that bad, but I need to get a hold of it. Because it's nothing to be proud of, either. The bad news? The APR is......oh, jeez, I am embarrassed to say. It's a long story. Anyway, I think I need to transfer this $6000 balance to my old Visa (the one whose balance I just transferred to the 0% card), because the old Visa's only got a 9.9% interest rate. Which is much better than the current rate. Am I correct in saying that this is a good idea? Or will this look weird on my credit report?? At least the balance won't be growing astronomically anymore, right? It will just be....you know, about 50% slower.

Are you loving it that I am asking my readers to be my pseudo-financial-advisors? LOL

Anyway, this sounds like a good idea in theory, so I am going to call the old Visa peeps on Thursday to ask about transferring this $6000 balance onto my recently-emptied card.

I am on a mission to be in less debt on December 31st than I was at the beginning of this year. I am determined to pay down these credit card balances!! And maybe even have a savings account again!

On a totally unrelated note, have I told y'all that MJ has no credit card debt? And that CN has ZERO credit cards? Yeah. My freak of a boyfriend has no credit cards. The only debt he has is his mortgage and his car payment. He doesn't even have any school loans from college left -- he already paid them all off. He is obviously concerned about my credit card debt. And I am, too. But I keep trying to tell him that most people have far more debt than I do.

Right???

Notes from My Brain

Random, random list......this is what happens when nothing big happens, and I don't post for a week. Sorry, peeps.

1. Have I told you about my stalker here at work? Yeah. His name is Cleveland, and he stalks me. He tries to talk to me and ask me questions about my personal life. He has asked me for my phone number and if I have a boyfriend, etc. Needless to say, this is pretty awkward and not really welcome on my part. Not only do I have a boyfriend, but I would never date a student here at the school where I work, anyway -- it's just not a good thing to do professionally. Cleveland became so persistent that I had to tell him that my boyfriend would beat him up if he saw him talking to me. I also dropped heavy hints about my boyfriend's "temper", "weight-lifting" and "gun". It got so bad, that I began to wear a fake engagement ring to work, and walk to my car with other people.

He disappeared randomly and suddenly, last fall semester. I thought I was in the clear. Until this week: he requested me as a friend on myspace. It kind of freaked me out because my page is private, so there is little (if any) identifying information to be found by random people. He had to have sat there and hunted me down from some big list and remember what I look like. It kind of creeps me out. I denied the request and didn't reply to his drunken e-mail. I hope this will be the end of it. If he tries to talk to me again, I am going to call security. But part of me is freaking out a little, because what if he's a psycho and this will just royally piss him off??? Ugh.

2. It's official: I suck -- SUCK-- at dieting. At this point, I figure I might as well give up until after the cruise, because let's face it -- I'm not going to eat well while I'm on that boat. There will be a chocolate buffet, people. A chocolate buffet. Take a minute to imagine that. Yeah. I'm toast. This is in addition to the 24-hour pizza and ice cream station. So really, it's a lost cause. But I swear on all things sacred that I will go hard-core diet when I get back. I have to. Or else I will truly be a heifer. No, seriously -- it's starting to piss me off. There's no reason I can't lose at least 20 pounds. That is not even that much. I am being ridiculous, y'all. There's really no excuse.

I have been pretty good this week, after totally blowing my diet last weekend--more on that in a minute. Thank goodness I have very little junk food in the house right now. That helps a lot. I am still working out a lot, but not quite as much as I used to.

3. Speaking of last weekend, I went shopping with Barbie (aka the girl that Repo dated after me) and one of her friends. We had a good time, and I got some really cute stuff: a square-neck "going out" top in this color, an embroidered, tie-back, semi-see-through summery top in a pale dusty blue color, a cable-knit sweater for work in this color, a pair of jeans, a green/lavender/white-striped sundress and a new pair of black flats (old pair had been chewed by Toby). I also used my Sephora gift card from Xmas to buy some Nars blush. Thanks to some gift cards and great sales, I only ended up spending $100, including lunch at Steak n Shake.

Oh, how I miss S&S. We used to have one here in Columbia, but it closed down. They are my favorite burgers and shakes EVER, so I have been experiencing some withdrawals. My cheeseburger with pickles and half-chocolate/half-vanilla milkshake were so freaking delicious. It's kind of good that the closest one is an hour away from me. Or I really would be in serious diet trouble.

Although I had fun, I did get kind of annoyed hanging out with Barbie and her friend. They are both 23, and I had forgotten how immature 23 year-olds can be. I'm sure I was the same way when I was their age. So I was glad to get home at the end of the day, and away from all the drama and hyper-active ditziness. They are fun girls, but I need them in small doses.

4. I was supposed to get some Magic Hat beer for CN while I was in Charlotte. He loves it, and they don't sell it in SC. But I couldn't find any in the areas we were in. I felt really badly, because he was looking forward to it. So to make it up to him, I made him breakfast on Saturday morning: fried eggs, turkey bacon, sausage, french toast, hashbrowns and biscuits. He brought the orange juice and we had a feast!

By dinner time, I still felt like a lame girlfriend for letting him down, so I made him dinner, too: Chili Mac, which he had never had before. It's a dish popular in the midwest. You put spaghetti noodles on the bottom (NOT macaroni noodles, as some imposter recipes call for!), chili beef (which has been cooked with chili spices and beer) on top of that, then kidney beans, diced onions and lots of cheese. It is soooooooo good! It is very similar to Cincinnati-style chili, only I don't put cinnamon in it. But if you ever get the chance to try Skyline Chili or any other Cincy-style chili, you will love it! I know the cinnamon sounds weird, but trust me. Nothing beats this meal on a cold, rainy day.

5. I am still doing pretty well on the budgeting. But I can see the effects of the increasing gas prices: although I am buying the same things I buy every week, my Wal-Mart bill has been slowly creeping. All the stuff I used to buy for $50 is now more like $55-60. Ouch. In order not to de-rail all of my budgeting hard work so far, I am only bringing $200 with me on the cruise.

I figure, I have already paid for my ticket, which covers all my food. I don't drink alcohol. I will probably drink tap water for most of the cruise (I don't really drink sodas anymore). I don't gamble. I won't use their over-priced spa/salon. CN and I have decided not to spend any money on the $100-a-pop excursions. Instead, we are just going to find a beach and pop a squat. If we order sandwiches from room service before we get off the cruise ship in the morning, we can even avoid paying for lunch! The only things I am planning to spend money on include: half of the parking at the port and a few souvenirs. So I am thinking that I will be able to only end up spending about $150.

6. I am really excited about my upcoming orientation for Big Brothers Big Sisters. It will be in 3 weeks!!! I hope I do ok on the interview. I hope I like the little girl they pair me with. I hope she likes me! I was thinking of some fun activities we could do together. Here's what I've come up with so far:

take Sammy for a walk
bake a pie or cookies
color in a coloring book
play with Barbies
paint our fingernails and watch a movie (maybe a Disney princess movie??)
play a card game/board game
read books (I like reading books to kids)
go to a museum or the zoo

What do you think? If any of you (Becky!) have little girls, please share some fun ideas with me! I don't really know what kids are into these days. I'm worried she will be let down that I don't have any video games at my house.

7. I know a lot of you also read MJ's blog. Well, she doesn't really blog about her personal life anymore. She now does a dog-related blog. So that means, any dirt about her dating life will have to come from me. I would love to divulge some stuff for you, but I need to talk to her and see what she is ok with. I don't want to step on her toes. But I'll see what I can do.

8. CN and I just celebrated our 7 month anniversary. Hate to get all sappy on you, but it has been the happiest 7 months of my life. He is everything I have ever wanted or hoped for in a relationship. I honestly didn't think that men like him existed. And I know he must feel the same way, too, because he FINALLY dropped the "L" word a few weeks ago and gave me a key to his place. Aw.

Ok, more on next week's cruise coming up in tomorrow's post!!!

Happy Overwhelmed Birthday!!

My birthday isn't until tomorrow, and I am feeling extremely overwhelmed. I have been for quite some time. I feel like I'm in the deep end and I'm drowning. I need a life preserver. I can handle it all, I just wish the ride would slow down a little bit, you know? I really need to catch up. Or a 28-hour day.

Between the dieting, exercising and budgeting (or, as I like to call it, "Fiscal Responsibility Awareness") alone, I have plenty to do. It's a shame I'm not getting paid to be at the gym, because I friggin live there. (The cool thing is, I am starting to see some changes in my body and my physical stamina! YAY!!!)

Add to that a normal list of errands I have to run and bills I have to pay. To make it really interesting, I changed insurance companies this week, so I have to cancel the old one, send the check for the new one...and something else I'm forgetting. (The upside? I saved about $300 on my car insurance! WOOT!!!) Going to the gym all the times means I have to do twice the laundry, too. I need to go to the bank....crap. Who knows what else I'm not even remembering!

Oh yeah! I should mail my Valentine's Day cards out. (Yes, you read that correctly. They are 2 weeks late.) [Insert guilt here.]

I need to buy a birthday present for KT. Preferably before her birthday.

Thanks to all the exercise, I need about 9 hours of sleep to feel rested now. This only cramps my schedule even further.

Also, when the termite guy came the other day, he found some 2x4s under my front porch that were supposed to be removed when they built my house. Until my builder comes to remove them, not only am I vulnerable to termite infestation, my termite bond is invalid. Commence nagging of builder. (Argh.)

And the fact that my house is filthy and I haven't spent any time with my dog in 2 weeks. [Insert guilt here.]

And the fact that a big project at work is due this week, and I have hardly any time to finish it. (And yes, I will confess, there MAY have been some procrastinating going on, which MAY have something to do with it!) [Insert more guilt here.]

And the fact that I was just notified first thing this morning that I am in charge of coordinating one of the biggest projects of the decade (literally) here at work. I will oversee the work of about 20 people. And I have no earthly idea how this project works, let alone how to oversee everything. Did I mention this was a nice big surprise at a crowded 8am meeting this morning? Yeah. No heads up on my massive new responsibility. But it certainly woke me up!

And the fact that I charged $934.26 to my American Express yesterday, which is great for my rewards points, but terrifying to think about for too long. (The cruise is official -- CN and I booked it yesterday!!!)

And I just realized that fat free vanilla yogurt mixed with chocolate protein powder only sounds good in theory.

So is it any wonder that when my friends all ask me, "So what do you want to do for your birthday???? Aren't you excited??!! It's tomorrow!! Let's go out! What do you want to do? Where do you want to eat? When do you want me to pick you up? What do you want me to get you for your birthday??? Huh? Huh?"

...all I want to reply is, "I want to sit on my couch and watch all the stuff I've taped over the past 2 weeks. Can you bring me some food, and then leave? Because I want to be alone, in my jammies and go to bed at 8:30. Or better yet, can we celebrate my birthday next month? I think I can pencil you in around....oh, March 22nd....and how do you feel about planning the whole thing, to the point where all I have to do is show up?"

I feel like saying, "Hi, Mr. Carnie. Can you stop the ride? I'd like to get off before I barf. Thanks."

Oh well. At least I'm not bored, right?

Listed Updates

Greetings, dear readers. I have typed and re-written this post 3 times this week, trying to make it more coherent. But I give up, partially because I think I'm getting sick. I do not feel well at all -- headache, queasy tummy, feeling out of it-- I think I'm going to go home and go to bed. Keep your fingers crossed that I don't have the flu, because it's going around hard-core in SC right now. But I really want to post before I leave, so I will just list everything here and now, despite its disorganization and randomness.

1. I paid my taxes yesterday morning. One less thing to worry about. Unfortunately, I didn't read your comments until yesterday afternoon, so I was not able to take everyone's advice and avoid H&R Block. But at least they are done now, and I know they are done correctly. Yes, it cost me an arm and a leg, and apparently I was doing everything correctly on TurboTax, because I'm getting exactly what TurboTax said I was going to get. But oh well. Now I know -- next year, use TurboTax. It turns out that my taxes aren't that complicated, and even I, Doofus Extraordinaire when it comes to financial matters, can figure it out. Chalk it up to a learning experience.

2. The good news? Now I have plenty of money for the cruise. The bad news? I probably won't be putting much any towards my credit card debt. $800 doesn't go too far. But it's ok. Now I will at least have a little cushion in my checking account. In theory. Looks like I just need to really stick to my budget. Eventually, it WILL pay off.

3. Speaking of budget stuff, I am under budget this month for gas, clothing ($0!!!), dining out AND groceries. Also, I spent $300 less overall this month than last month. So although I did spend money on my tax preparation, the personal trainer and my termite inspection, at least it won't hurt as much. I think budgeting money is like losing weight -- you have to be patient, because the hard work pays off down the road.

4. I bought some protein powder. My trainer told me I'm supposed to be eating more protein so that I can build more lean muscle. After looking at what I'm eating, I have come to realize I eat a TON of carbs. Granted, they are almost always whole grain and low fat, but I really am lacking in the protein department. I just don't really crave meat very often. Usually, my protein comes from dairy and beans, which don't have a whole lot of protein. I'm almost eating like a vegetarian on some days! So I bought some chocolate soy protein powder. I thought it would be gross, but it's actually really good! So that made me happy.

5. Well, it looks like Kelvin Sampson might be getting the boot. Nothing's finalized yet, but it doesn't look good for the basketball coach at my alma mater. Which really stinks, because it's the middle of a GREAT season for us!!! I'm hoping it will all work out. I'll probably post more about this as it develops, because I have more to say. I just don't feel well enough to ramble on and on about it right now.

6. CN told me my butt looks smaller. I decided to override the Automatic Female Response (AFR) of, "So, you're telling me that my ass used to be fat??!!" and decided to just take the compliment with some gratitude. He's so supportive. He knows I hate my butt. I don't know if he was just saying it to make me feel better or what, but I sure am glad to have someone cheering me on.

7. Although I didn't want to go, I dragged my (smaller?) butt to the gym Wednesday night. As long as I go on Saturday, too, that will make 3 weeks in a row that I've been to the gym at least 4 times. Go me!

8. My birthday is next week!!!! Yay!!! Although I will be 29 (EEEK!!), I can say that this is probably one of the happiest times of my life so far, even with all the money/weight loss stress. I have a lot to celebrate.

9. Oh! I almost forgot. Valentine's Day went really well. The meal I made for CN last Thursday was super yummy (the recipes are posted over on my cooking blog -- see sidebar.) and he really really liked it. Friday, he took me to a very expensive Italian place here in town (Ristorante Divino). Neither one of us had been before, and we really enjoyed it. The ambiance was great -- very romantic and intimate. The service was perfect -- our waiter never interrupted our conversation and never let our drinks get empty. The food was good, too. Their menu is pretty heavy on seafood, which is great for us, because we are both seafood lovers. Their dessert menu is one of the best I've ever seen -- chocolate bread pudding, walnut pie, chocolate cakes filled with molten peanut butter, creme brulee and something called an "almond crust", which was the owner's great-grandmother's recipe. It was topped with vanilla custard -- Mmmm!!!

I was a good girl and didn't order dessert, which I have to admit was very difficult.

CN gave me a bottle of perfume I'd been wanting. I brought home a sample a few weeks ago, and we both really liked it. It's called "The One" and it's made by Dolce & Gabbana -- ooh la la! So he did a really good job with Valentine's Day this year.

I got him a new travel case for his toiletries, because I'm broke. So my present kind of sucked in comparison. But, it turns out that he needed a new one pretty badly -- his old one was "covered in white mold or something", according to him. All together now: EWWWWWWW!!!!

A funny thing did happen on Valentine's Day. We gave each other cards, and we wrote pretty much the SAME super-sweet message to each other. How disgusting is that?? Cute, but gross.

10. Thank you, everyone for your awesome comments in the last post. You guys rock my socks. I really needed some cheering and encouragement, and y'all really helped me out. You might think it was no big deal, but it really did help me feel better! Thank you so much. Extremely motivating and helpful and supportive comments and advice!!! YAY readers!!! I feel a lot better, and I really appreciate the advice about taxes and money and stuff. :)

Ok, I'm going home so I can lie down. I feel like crap.