Long Absence

Hello, my ever-patient readers! Yes, I am still here in Richmond, and still loving it. I know it has been a long, long time since I've posted last. This is due in large part to the fact I have fallen in love with the guy I've been dating since last May. Remember the blind date? We've been inseparable ever since. He's got everything I've been looking for for so many lonely, single-girl years: brains, good looks, a great family, ambition, great sense of humor, similar goals, similar beliefs, common interests.......and he's a great kisser. What more could a girl ask for?

We spend a great deal of time together (he only lives 5-10 minutes away) and I would not feel comfortable blogging around him (I'd feel I'm being rude) or talking about him without his knowledge, so I have not been blogging. But I will tell you that I am very, very happy, and so is he. Yes, we have talked about getting married and having babies. I have had my last first date. :)

Other than that, not a lot has changed this year. Here are some updates:

I still have the same job, and it's ok. Not the greatest job, but not the worst. I'd love to change careers or get into a job that is better suited to my talents (I really REALLY miss supervising), but I'm enjoying all the low-stress and time off that my current job provides. So it's not the end of the world.

My family is the same, although my brother, Fat Dog, and his wife had a beautiful baby girl, so now I am Aunt VB. Yay!!!It is difficult to suppress the urge to buy My Little Ponies for a 4 month old. I like to joke that I've already started a prom dress fund for her.

I have caught the running bug and now prefer that to all other forms of exercise. I sprained my ankle pretty badly last September, which meant I had to cancel my plans to run a half marathon. I was really disappointed, but it will be on my bucket list for 2013.

Speaking of being in shape, I am a shape.........it is round. Nothing like being in love over the holidays (read: double-up on family get-togethers) to pack on the pounds. Ugh. I am dying to get back out there, but am super busy. And being busy = more restaurant food. It's easy to do the math, even for me. I am trying to get organized and run errands while I have a few days off work, so the next couple of days are not looking good. Hopefully, it is not too cold to run outside this coming week, as the gym will be packed with New Year's "Resolutioners" until further notice. Also, I got this for Christmas, and I'm dying to use it. (Good gift, boyfriend!!!!)

One of the things the boyfriend and I have in common is a shared interest in Russia. We are both fascinated by its history and culture. To catch up with him, I have started to learn Russian.  He's practically fluent in Russian, after spending 3 summers there in college. It's not coming to me as easily as I'd hoped. It's my first Slavic language, and my first non-Roman alphabet, so I'm definitely out of my comfort zone. But I can say several things at this point.

I have paid off my car. Woo hoo!!!!

Sammy injured his eye (big corneal scrape) when he escaped through the fence at boyfriend's house, but after 3 months, at least 8 vet trips (including a vet eye specialist!) and $1,000 (yes, a grand), his eye is fine.

I have met several girlfriends and enjoy hanging out with them, but most of my social life involves my boyfriend. He's my favorite person to hang out with, and vice versa. I have been trying to make a bigger effort on the girlfriend front, but it's hard, since most of them are single and want to go out and meet guys in bars late at night (not really my scene anymore). The ones who are not single are super busy, so double dating is difficult to wrangle. So I do the occasional lunch and have joined a book club. I like a lot of the girls I have met, but no one has really clicked with me yet.

I think I will work on this for the new year. Maybe I'll add it to my bucket list, although it may not be a good candidate. A girl I met here does an annual bucket list: 3 things every year she needs to accomplish/do. None of the goals should involve assistance from/reliance on others, so you can't blame anyone else if you don't accomplish them. She has so much fun doing it, and I have been inspired. I only have 2 things thus far: 

1. Run a half marathon, preferably in a town that is not Richmond
2. Take more photos (if anyone has any advice on how to make this goal easier to do, as well as how to make it more specific and measurable, that would be great! I never take photos and I need to change that.)
3. TBD....I need to think of another goal/change to make. Any ideas, readers??? I am learning Russian right now......perhaps I can continue on that. Or is that boring because I have already been doing that? Perhaps I should get my finances in order or take a trip..........

Ok, I have to go and get some things done. I just wanted to let you know I'm here, and I'm happy and I love living in Richmond. I'm not sure where this blog will go next, but I think that as long as I can leave the vast majority of my love life out of this blog, I will be ok with that. I hope you all understand. Everything else is on the table, though!

I'll try and post again soon. I hope you're all having lovely holidays and will have a glorious New Year, full of hope, luck and fantastic experiences!!!!!!!!!!!

I'm Not Dead!

Hello, out there! I wonder if I have any readers left. I will assume I am talking to myself. Let's see. What has been going on in the last 2 months?

1. One of my coworkers (remember, the one who was kind of cute, but was really flaking out at work?) was fired. No probation, no serious warning -- just BAM! You're fired. This kind of put everyone on edge, like, "OMG, who is next??" -- but he really was doing a crappy job at work. No one was very surprised. The thing that stinks is that we were all friends w/him. So we are all kind of worried about him. He's been pretty down lately, so we have been concerned. Especially after he was offered a job at NYU and he turned it down. (Whaaa??). One of my coworkers did hang out w/him about a week ago, and she told me his plan is to move to Virginia Beach and open up a bar with one of his friends. This sounds a little weak to me, but who knows. I wish him the best. He's a really nice guy, so I hope he lands on his feet.

I also got a new boss. My old boss, who I love, is now my boss's boss. Anyway, my new boss rocks, too, so it's all good. I love my job. Even though it is really stressful, I love it.

2. CN (should I even call him that anymore? Perhaps "Ex Who is Now My Roommate" would be better?) and I are still on good terms, but we do each have our own little sad moments where we are reminded that we are not together. And our own little moments where we act like we are still together (no, not like that!). Which makes for an emotionally draining and frustrating environment. I can't really feel single when we are still roommates. It's not emotionally healthy for us to live together, and we have both brought this up at different times. But the financial situation keeps us together. Rent is very expensive here in Savannah, unless you want to live with a roommate (an option I do not have currently) or in the ghetto (I am willing to pay a lot of rent to be safe, so this also is not really an option). I am tempted to encourage him to move out (he has been thinking about it lately), if only for my sanity so I can get back to being "me" and not "we".

I feel kind of guilty for saying this, but I am feeling ready to date again. Whether I am really ready to do that remains unclear, but I definitely have the urge to go somewhere and flirt with cute guys. If CN knew this, it would crush him. I know my desire to get back on the horse will only get worse, and then what? Tell my date that I have an interesting living situation? Ugh. Introduce CN as my roommate? Double ugh.

So I think perhaps I will encourage him to go, suck it up financially, and get back to being Single VB. Then, in August, when the lease is up, I can find a cheaper place to live. My mom, my big sister and both of my aunts all think I am crazy for living like this. I am beginning to agree with them.

3. I didn't go home for Thanksgiving. It's an 8 hour drive, and I just didnt' feel like driving all that way. I really wanted a nice long weekend all to myself. And that's what I got. Selfish, I know, but work has been bonkers lately, and the last thing I wanted to do was stress out from driving on I-95 during Thanksgiving traffic. CN has been at his mom's house all weekend. This has been the Best Weekend Ever. I have totally relaxed, puttered around the house, slept in, cooked, read my book....aaaaaah. One of my coworkers wasn't going anywhere, either, so she and her hubby made a turkey and all the fixings, and we chowed down. It was sooo good.

4. I got a new cell phone and I love it. The salesman told me I would be addicted to it, and he was right. It's the Google Android MyTouch phone from T Mobile. I heart it. I don't know much about how it works, but I am having fun learning all about it. I have fun games, email, facebook, apps, etc. all on my phone. It is very cool. I highly recommend this phone if you are looking for one.

Um, I think that's about it for now. I am still working all the time, leaving me with little energy at the end of the day. I am slowing becoming interested in getting back to the gym after my...(I am ashamed to say it!) 11 month absence. The diet motivation is still MIA, unfortunately. But I do have the urge to run again, which is a good sign. I know exercise = energy, and that is a big motivator for me right now. I am sick of just working and sleeping and working and sleeping. I feel like I have no life outside of work sometimes. I need to be maximizing my day and going out of the house and meeting new people.

I'm sorry I haven't been blogging much. At all, really. CN uses the computer a LOT lately, and now he has to work mandatory overtime for his job, so he doesn't get off the computer until like, 7:30pm, and I just don't feel like blogging then. I like to blog right when I get home from work. I will try harder, I promise. And if CN moves out, and I have to choose between cable and internet, I will get internet. :)

Happy New Year!!

Ok, so I am blogging from CN's computer while he's busy watching the Falcons game. They are in the playoffs, and I can hear a lot of cursing coming from his living room. :)

When the commercials come on, he gets up to pee and give me a kiss. It's pretty cute. He just walked in here to ask me if I like his wiener or not. What a dork.

Anyway, just wanted to write a short blog post to update y'all on stuff. Since I get almost 3 weeks off from work during the holidays, it's hard for me to get to a computer. CN's letting me use his. Although I doubt he knows I'm blogging right now....

Thank you, everyone who commented on my last post. It was a very painful post to write, so I appreciate the sympathy and empathy. And I don't always feel like that about my mom, it's just that she and I go through phases. We are currently in one of those phases where I seriously cannot stand her. She's not a horrible person, we just bash heads sometimes. She does it all (mostly, I think, anyway) from love and out of worry for me. It's just the methods she chooses that irk me. I really have to start letting it roll off my back, because she's never going to change. So I have to just change the way I react to her. And THB, I didn't take down your 2nd comment, even though it was a repeat, because I read it twice. It was that good! So I think it deserves to be said twice!! But seriously, my readers are the best. All of your comments made me feel so much better. It was definitely an "I love blogging, because blog readers are the best!!!" moment. :)

Going home to visit The Czarina went very well this year. WHEW. I credit Fat Dog's new girlfriend with my mother's MUCH improved behavior. I think that is the key to surviving visits with her -- bring an outsider. It keeps her on good behavior. As an added bonus, I really like Fat Dog's girlfriend. She is teeny tiny and very nice. She's totally his type -- petite, athletic, brunette who doesn't wear a lot of makeup. They are really cute together.

I got KICK ASS presents this year!!! Best Buy (hell-O ipod!!!) gift card from CN and a Lowe's gift card from Fat Dog, plus a beautiful --

DAMMIT, CN!!! STOP CHASING SAMMY AND MAKING ALL THAT NOISE!!!!!

ok, sorry about that. I swear, I am dating a 12 year old.....

Where was I? Oh, yes, CN got my that gorgeous wallet I wanted. I also got some jewelry, DVDs, potpourri, a frog tape dispenser, JP gave me a French press for coffee (although I have no idea how to use it!) and MJ gave me some Christmas decorations (because I never buy any and she thinks this is horrible) and an herb garden. Sammy got a big container of gourmet dog cookies.

And The Czarina gave me a big, phat check made out to Capital One -- that was her present to me. Along with the jewelry and the tape dispenser. It's a pretty sweet present, because she knows how much I want to pay off my Visa. I gotta give the Mom some props on that one.

And for the last week, I have been cooking, cleaning, organizing and decorating. I love working on a college student's schedule. One of the best things about my job. My house is super clean and neatly organized, and I have finished a LOT of projects I've been putting off. Soon, I will start painting E's old bedroom and the bathroom and hang up some curtains. Unfortunately, that's just about all the decorating I will be able to do for a while, since I need to focus on the credit card debt.

I'm trying to decide if I want to get a part time job or not. I really should, for the extra money and debt-paying purposes, especially since I won't have a roommate anymore. But I am ULTRA motivated to lose some weight, a part time job would really impact my gym time. I have worked out 6 days in a row, and yesterday I ran for 33 minutes straight -- a feat I have not achieved since I was in college!! GO ME!!!

I'm not doing too badly at the dieting thing, either. Not perfect, but at least conscious and aware of what goes in my mouth. I am trying not to bring junk into the house, which helps a LOT.

Although my whole body is a little sore, I am in a great mood, sleeping like a rock and have noticed how much energy I have. I think my tummy's a little flatter, but it may just be my imagination. It feels great to be getting back in shape. I hope I can keep this up. So far, so good on my New Year's Resolution.

Everyone is doing great -- CN's dad is still hanging in there, MJ and JP are doing well. Except that one of MJ's dogs died. :( And CN is wonderful, as usual.

When I'm done with my decorating, I will take some pics of my house and share with you. I have done a lot since the last time I shared pics.

Sorry this post is kind of random! I'm in a hurry and have some stuff I want to do before CN and I head out to go bowling. I'll try and catch up on everyone's blogs as soon as I can.

Happy New Year!!!

2nd Post for Today -- I Need Your Help!

CN has a super good idea for what to get for his mom for Christmas. She has a new dishwasher, but hasn't actually hooked it up yet, due to her being so busy with stuff. So he's going to pay for a guy to go over to her house and hook it up for her. I think this is a super awesome idea, because she would never get around to it, and even if she did, she would probably talk herself out of paying for it, especially now that she lost her job. You see, the poor woman has never had a dishwasher, so she's already so used to washing it all by hand, anyway. (I really need to tell y'all about her kitchen issues...remind me.)

I'm getting off-track.

As awesome of an idea as this is, and as easily as the idea occurred to him, he is totally baffled as to what to get for his dad. And I am no help. What do you get for a guy who is too weak to get out of bed? He can't hold anything in his hands, because his nerve endings are all shot. All he does is eat, sleep and watch TV. He's too sick and tired to do anything else. Now that hospice is involved, we know he doesn't have a lot of time left. And CN already got him a bunch of DVDs for his birthday.

So we are stumped.

I have looked on the internet for ideas, and a lot of people say it's good to give terminally ill people sentimental things, like photo albums. Other people suggest everyone write down what the person means to them and tell them what you would normally not say until you're at their funeral. Most people recommend "just quality time to talk to them and tell them how much you love them".

Well, CN's family isn't very sentimental or touchy-feely. That would just be weird and awkward. So that sort of thing is out. Which I'm kind of glad about, because watching that go down would be so depressing and it would probably make CN's mom cry. Which would make me cry. Which would be a really sucky Christmas.

I was thinking maybe some gourmet food would be good, or just a bunch of homemade yummies, like cookies or snacks. That's about all the enjoyment he has left now.

Can anyone think of anything better than that?

Ugh. I am depressed now, just thinking about this. I remember the last Christmas we had with my dad. We had Christmas in the hospital. It was the most depressing day of my life. In a lot of ways, it was worse than his funeral. Because if you are too sick to be home for Christmas, you are really sick. Like, dying sick. And all the nurses look at you with pity, because they know what's coming. It sucks.

On that note, if you know anyone who is in the hospital during the holidays, please visit them. It is miserable to be there at that time, even if it's not a serious illness.

Crap. This post is really sad. Sorry, guys. Read the next one (the one from earlier today). It's more upbeat.

Tomorrow will be good and bitchy! My mom really pissed me off this week, so I have lots to vent about! Stay tuned!

All I Want for Christmas

...is for people to just get me what I ask for.

CN and MJ have both asked for ideas about what to get me for Christmas.

So I rattle off my list:

*a gift certificate to one of the following places:

-- Best Buy (I want to get a big, fat iPod)
-- Lowe's or Home Depot
-- Z Gallerie (LOVE their stuff)
-- Bed, Bath & Beyond
-- Victoria's Secret (I need new bras)

*Christmas decorations (I will never buy them myself! Not when I could buy more shoes! Duh!)

* Jewelry from Banana Republic (I adore about 95% of all their jewelry) or this one line at Dillard's that I like

* this kick ass wallet I want in my favorite color (it is more money than I'd spend on myself)

* anything related to Indiana University (tshirts, sweatshirts, etc)

* some of my favorite coffee from Jittery Joe's (again, I would never spend this much on coffee for myself)

MJ's response?

"Those are all lame. I will come up with something better."

CN's response?

"MJ's right. You have totally lame ideas."

WTF, people??! Last time I checked, I think I know what I want for Christmas.

Maybe they are just trying to trick me. Throw me off so I don't assume I'm getting something from my list.

Or maybe they are just hatin' because I finished the majority of my Christmas shopping before Thanksgiving. :)

Luckily, my siblings have no problem with my list. They are obedient givers, who appreciate the simplicity of what I ask for. So I am expecting lots of gift cards. Yippee!!!!

Whoever said it is better to give than to receive must have had friends who didn't accept their wishlist.

Now Taking Requests

I know things have been a little ho-hum around this blog lately. But never fear, dear readers, as I have a fun post today.

No, nothing really exciting happened. Unless you count the fact that I got out of going to The Czarina's for Thanksgiving. (YESSSSSSSS!!!, complete with a victory arm thrust) I was originally going to go up, because my most favoritest aunt was coming, too. But it turns out that she can't go, and since The Czarina feels guilty when I come home for Thanksgiving, she told me not to worry about driving up.

Gee, twist my arm.

I was really looking forward to your repeated and nagging comments about how fat I am. Or your oh-so-subtle digs implying I could find a better boyfriend. Or remind me of how miserable I am in my job. Because what are the holidays for, if not to make you feel bad about yourself? As much as I'd love to have a big plate, piled high with thick slabs of passive aggresiveness, steamed repressed emotions, a side of control freak stuffing, some you-are-a-fuck-up casserole and a glob of smashed happiness, smothered in guilt gravy and sprinkled with denial and delusion, I think I'll pass.

I swear to God, I love my mother. Just not these last few weeks. This bitterness is a temporary phase. I will go back to loving her shortly. Hopefully, before Christmas. That would be nice.

She feels like Thanksgiving weekend is too short of a time to drive 6 hours each way. "I know that I would not want to drive 6 hours to see you, only to turn around basically the next day and drive 6 hours back. I mean, that's a long weekend, where you spend 2 days driving," she always says. "So don't worry about it. Thanksgiving is not a big deal to me. I will just see you at Christmas."

Every year, when she says this, I think, "And THAT is why I live 6 hours away from you!"

For those of you who also have guilt-tripping, semi-manipulative mothers who try to warp your brain, right now you are thinking, "Um, VB, that sounds vaguely like a test. Methinks she is doing some reverse psychology on your ass, and she is secretly pissed at you for not driving up to see her."

To which I reply: It may very well be a test. But until she stops making me feel like a fat loser every time I visit her, I feel it's only fair that I get to, in turn, play dumb to her stupid little games and attempts at manipulating me. Fair enough?

Besides, now I am going with CN to have turkey day w/his family. And although they have issues of their own, as an outsider, I get to smile, pretend I don't know what's really going on and just ask people to please pass the mac n cheese. I offered to cook all the sides for Mrs. N (CN's Mom), since she's now back at work AND taking care of her sick husband. But she refused to hear of it, and told me that she only needed help in the pie department. So I am in charge of pies. Which is right up my alley, of course. (I'm going to make pumpkin and a pecan, in case you're curious.) I feel really good about helping her out, and wish I could do more for her and Mr. N.

In case you cannot tell by now, I have been a little pissy lately. Don't know why. Probably PMS. But I kind of like it. It's coming in really handy at the gym. CN has to bear the brunt of my ventings, lately, and he is quite amused. So don't sympathize with him. He uses my rantings as opportunities to make fun of me, which only irritates me further. If he weren't so damn cute and funny, he'd be on my shit list, too. But I can't stay mad at him, because he always leaves me laughing at myself. ARGH! That totally takes the wind out of my pissy little sails! I hate it when he does that!

On to the point of this post, which is this: Today, I was a good girl and tried to catch up on a lot of my blogs. So many of you have nice little comments from yours truly. But now I am ready to blog, too. The problem is, I have several potential blog topics for tomorrow. So I am taking requests. Which blog topic sounds most appealing to you?

#1: How The Czarina is trying her best to make Smurf feel like she is too stupid to get into college, and that Smurf should just let The Czarina pick her school for her and how I am doing everything in my power to remind Smurf that The Czarina sucks like that and that Smurf has excellent credentials and that since Smurf is going to be paying for the tuition herself (thank you, Federal School Loans), then she (NOT MOM) should get to pick where she goes to school.
Upside: I am pissy, especially at my mother, so this post would have lots of juicy venting.
Downside: It is depressing a little bit to think about how controlling my mother is.

#2: Holiday-related topic, whether Thanksgiving, shopping or Christmas related theme. Details TBA. Possibly a meme.
Upside: Who doesn't love some good holiday cheer? Memes are short entries, a good thing since we are all busy.
Downside: It's nothing to get excited about. Unless you really enjoy helping me come up with present ideas. Or hijacking memes for your own blogging pleasure.

#3: My new pothead neighbor
Upside: Pissy mood could lead to funny ranting. This topic also (vaguely) connected to Hot Neighbor, for those of you who remember this guy.
Downside: Ranting my go on too long to retain interest in my readers. New Pothead Neighbor is a real piece of work.

#4: The Story of My Last Irritating Encounter with E, My Recent Ex-Roommate, followed up by a rant/editorial about how pathetic certain women are and why.
Upside: Yay! More pissiness and bitching!!! Also, an ode to German cooking (trust me, it all fits into the story)
Downside: More pissiness and bitching. Nausea from the pathetic woman part.

#5: Ipod/computer confusion and/or issues.
Upside: First pick for my computer geek readers. Who I love. Because they might be able to help me with my ipod transfer. So I don't erase CN's library in the process. Helping me out with this little problem might get you on Santa's Good List.
Downside: YAAAAAAAAAAWN. Irritation with VB for picking a lame topic, wholly devoid of ranting.

*In New Yawkah accent, a la Cawfee Tawlk* So discuss amongst yourselves. Pick a topic, and I will extrapolate. I reserve the right to pick whatever topic I want. This is my blog, dammit, so you can suck it. (That is my new favorite thing to say. "SUCK IT!!!" I yell at CN when he makes fun of me.)

I only work a half day tomorrow, so if I don't hear from you or if you don't read this in time, I hope you have a very happy Thanksgiving. Remember to be thankful for everything you have: your job, your health, your family, your home, and yes, even your controlling and manipulative mother. Despite her delivery method, she really does love you and is only worried about you. She just shows it funny. Kind of like a drill sergeant would. Only with more guilt and snarky comments.

Listed Updates

Greetings, dear readers. I have typed and re-written this post 3 times this week, trying to make it more coherent. But I give up, partially because I think I'm getting sick. I do not feel well at all -- headache, queasy tummy, feeling out of it-- I think I'm going to go home and go to bed. Keep your fingers crossed that I don't have the flu, because it's going around hard-core in SC right now. But I really want to post before I leave, so I will just list everything here and now, despite its disorganization and randomness.

1. I paid my taxes yesterday morning. One less thing to worry about. Unfortunately, I didn't read your comments until yesterday afternoon, so I was not able to take everyone's advice and avoid H&R Block. But at least they are done now, and I know they are done correctly. Yes, it cost me an arm and a leg, and apparently I was doing everything correctly on TurboTax, because I'm getting exactly what TurboTax said I was going to get. But oh well. Now I know -- next year, use TurboTax. It turns out that my taxes aren't that complicated, and even I, Doofus Extraordinaire when it comes to financial matters, can figure it out. Chalk it up to a learning experience.

2. The good news? Now I have plenty of money for the cruise. The bad news? I probably won't be putting much any towards my credit card debt. $800 doesn't go too far. But it's ok. Now I will at least have a little cushion in my checking account. In theory. Looks like I just need to really stick to my budget. Eventually, it WILL pay off.

3. Speaking of budget stuff, I am under budget this month for gas, clothing ($0!!!), dining out AND groceries. Also, I spent $300 less overall this month than last month. So although I did spend money on my tax preparation, the personal trainer and my termite inspection, at least it won't hurt as much. I think budgeting money is like losing weight -- you have to be patient, because the hard work pays off down the road.

4. I bought some protein powder. My trainer told me I'm supposed to be eating more protein so that I can build more lean muscle. After looking at what I'm eating, I have come to realize I eat a TON of carbs. Granted, they are almost always whole grain and low fat, but I really am lacking in the protein department. I just don't really crave meat very often. Usually, my protein comes from dairy and beans, which don't have a whole lot of protein. I'm almost eating like a vegetarian on some days! So I bought some chocolate soy protein powder. I thought it would be gross, but it's actually really good! So that made me happy.

5. Well, it looks like Kelvin Sampson might be getting the boot. Nothing's finalized yet, but it doesn't look good for the basketball coach at my alma mater. Which really stinks, because it's the middle of a GREAT season for us!!! I'm hoping it will all work out. I'll probably post more about this as it develops, because I have more to say. I just don't feel well enough to ramble on and on about it right now.

6. CN told me my butt looks smaller. I decided to override the Automatic Female Response (AFR) of, "So, you're telling me that my ass used to be fat??!!" and decided to just take the compliment with some gratitude. He's so supportive. He knows I hate my butt. I don't know if he was just saying it to make me feel better or what, but I sure am glad to have someone cheering me on.

7. Although I didn't want to go, I dragged my (smaller?) butt to the gym Wednesday night. As long as I go on Saturday, too, that will make 3 weeks in a row that I've been to the gym at least 4 times. Go me!

8. My birthday is next week!!!! Yay!!! Although I will be 29 (EEEK!!), I can say that this is probably one of the happiest times of my life so far, even with all the money/weight loss stress. I have a lot to celebrate.

9. Oh! I almost forgot. Valentine's Day went really well. The meal I made for CN last Thursday was super yummy (the recipes are posted over on my cooking blog -- see sidebar.) and he really really liked it. Friday, he took me to a very expensive Italian place here in town (Ristorante Divino). Neither one of us had been before, and we really enjoyed it. The ambiance was great -- very romantic and intimate. The service was perfect -- our waiter never interrupted our conversation and never let our drinks get empty. The food was good, too. Their menu is pretty heavy on seafood, which is great for us, because we are both seafood lovers. Their dessert menu is one of the best I've ever seen -- chocolate bread pudding, walnut pie, chocolate cakes filled with molten peanut butter, creme brulee and something called an "almond crust", which was the owner's great-grandmother's recipe. It was topped with vanilla custard -- Mmmm!!!

I was a good girl and didn't order dessert, which I have to admit was very difficult.

CN gave me a bottle of perfume I'd been wanting. I brought home a sample a few weeks ago, and we both really liked it. It's called "The One" and it's made by Dolce & Gabbana -- ooh la la! So he did a really good job with Valentine's Day this year.

I got him a new travel case for his toiletries, because I'm broke. So my present kind of sucked in comparison. But, it turns out that he needed a new one pretty badly -- his old one was "covered in white mold or something", according to him. All together now: EWWWWWWW!!!!

A funny thing did happen on Valentine's Day. We gave each other cards, and we wrote pretty much the SAME super-sweet message to each other. How disgusting is that?? Cute, but gross.

10. Thank you, everyone for your awesome comments in the last post. You guys rock my socks. I really needed some cheering and encouragement, and y'all really helped me out. You might think it was no big deal, but it really did help me feel better! Thank you so much. Extremely motivating and helpful and supportive comments and advice!!! YAY readers!!! I feel a lot better, and I really appreciate the advice about taxes and money and stuff. :)

Ok, I'm going home so I can lie down. I feel like crap.

Yay! Valentine's Day!

Boy, is this year's Valentine's Day better than last year's! (If you don't remember, I'll let you go re-cap that for yourself. I'll skip linking to last February's archive...) It's nice to be happy instead of bitter and angry. It's refreshing. Ok, now I'm rambling.

At first, CN wanted today to be all about me. To quote him: "No! Valentine's Day is supposed to be all about the girl!" -- Reason #271 why I am dating him. And although I like this concept a LOT, and had very little argument against this idea, I told him that I wanted to do something for him, too.

So tonight, I am going to make him dinner. Here is the menu:

*Spring mix salad with cherry tomatoes, bacon bits, mushrooms and Esperanza dressing
*Filet mignon, marinated in mustard, balsamic vinegar, pepper, rosemary and some other stuff, then topped with carmelized onions and bleu cheese crumbles
*Garlic mashed potatoes
*Steamed broccoli
*Low-fat chocolate cheesecake with whipped topping

MMMMMMM!!!! I will put the recipes on my cooking blog tomorrow. I don't have time to do it today.

After dinner, I have a couple of little surprises for him. Although, maybe I will save them for tomorrow night.....I dunno. I will play it by ear. We might eat too much and just lay around and watch tv. Yeah, we are exciting like that.

Tomorrow night, CN is taking me out for V-Day. I have no idea where or when or what to wear. Hmm. I'd better ask him for a few details...he won't tell me anything. "It's a surprise." is all he will say. Eeek! I am excited.

CN's parents sent me a super-sweet V-Day card today. Aw. They are so nice. It's good to know I make the cut, so to speak.

How is your Valentine's Day going? I hope it's as good as mine. Ack! I gotta go. I have a lot of cooking to do!

Happy 2008!

Hi, Everyone! Sorry I've been away so long. Some of you might know that I work for a school, so I get extra-long holiday vacations. Today is my first day back at work since my last post.

And yes, I have internet at home, but it's very slow and so I rarely post from there.

Thank you to everyone who send me Christmas/Holiday/New Year's wishes. Y'all are so sweet. I love my bloggy buds. I hope everyone had a fantastic holiday season full of yummy food, great presents and lots of love.

Ok, I have lots of news!!!! For the ease my readers, I will write this post in an imaginary interview way, so that all of your questions can be answered. In theory.

So, VB, how was your trip home to The Czarina's for Christmas?

Well, the good news is, I did not kill my mother. WHEW. We got along better than usual, actually. Not that I have a bad relationship with her. I love my mom. But, well, you know how it is. Those of you who have a loving-yet-domineering-control-freak mother know what I mean. I got to hang out with Smurf and my brothers Fungus and Fat Dog, too. I also got to see one of my oldest friends, a girl who lives in NYC. (She lives near Chinatown, if you are curious).

Wait, weren't you going to post about New Orleans again?

Um, yes, but I left my photo CD at home. Sorry. The pics weren't very good, anyway.

So what else is new?

Well, just before I went home for the holidays, if you remember, I was having car problems and was ready to start car shopping. So Czarina called the Pontiac dealership in my hometown. The Belle family has been doing business with them since the 1960s. No joke. Needless to say, we are on a first-name-basis with everyone who works there. They are very trustworthy and the prices kick ass. So she called them to see if they had any used Hondas or Toyotas -- I told her I was never driving another GM car again as long as I live.

Czarina called me back. "Ok, they have a Ponti--"
"Hold up. Time out. No, Mom. I said no more American cars. Japanese only."
"I know, I know. Just listen. They have a Pontiac Vibe, which has a Toyota engine in it. They just stick a GM body on top when they make it."
"I'm listening," I said.
"They said they'd give you $7,000 for your trade-in--"
[Picks up jaw from floor] "Um, did you say '$7,000'?"
"Yup! And it's a 2004 with only 40,000 miles on it! It's red and it has a sunroof!" she gushed.
"SOLD!" I said.

So here is a pic of a car that is identical to mine! I love that it's red, because as you know, I am a major Indiana basketball fan, and red is the team's color. Woo hoo!!!



I miss having a V6 engine and a couple other features, but I'm loving the better gas mileage and sunroof already! Plus, it is SO much more reliable. I can sleep at night now. It's cute, but I am worried that it's kind of a "mom-ish" car. I always imagine myself in a red convertible...

Maybe one day. But for now, I want reliability and good gas mileage!

Yay! That's great! We love your new car and don't think it's "mom-ish" at all! Now, give us what we really want: some updates on CN! What's going on there?

*sigh* He is still wonderful. I will try not to gush too much. I gave him an ipod shuffle for Christmas, because he admired mine so much -- he loves it! I got major girlfriend points. He gave me a DVD I wanted (a horror movie called When a Stranger Calls -- the original one, not the re-make) and a very pretty silver necklace -- it's a heart with teeny tiny diamonds in it. YAY!!! Good boyfriend!!!! He had asked me what I wanted for Christmas, and I replied, "I want you to get me something only a boyfriend would buy." Which, as my female readers know, means, "Jewelry. Preferably real." -- Ok, I'm kidding. It didn't have to be real. So I was pleasantly surprised.

Wow. CN is fantastic. You must feel like the luckiest girl in the world!

He is!!! I am!!!! We are super duper happy!!!!

Ok, now you are making us want to barf, and we like you. Can you stop gushing about Mr. Wonderful?

Sorry.

Any other news?

I got a new cell phone, and it's waaaaay fancier than my old one. Does anyone know a website that is good for ringtones? My provider's website doesn't have some of the songs I want.

My sister got me a gift certificate to Sephora, my most favorite store of all time, as I am a total makeup addict. As much as I lovelovelove it, I am paralyzed with indecision whenever I attempt at making purchases there. I honestly cannot decide. It's like asking a parent which one of their kids is their favorite. So I will hang on to the card for a while.

My brothers gave me Best Buy gift certificates, which will be used to buy more RAM for my home computer. Right now I am operating on a whopping 156k (if I remember correctly -- it's abysmally paltry in any case) and am chomping at the bit to buy some RAM so I can use the Internet from home without wanting to scream at my monitor.

MJ and KT got me yummy coffee that is hard to find. They also got me a gift certificate for dog boarding -- an excellent idea!

OH! I almost forgot!

What?

While I was at home at my mom's house, I was talking to her neighbor. He told me a sad story: his coworker had a Jack Russell terrier and he spoiled the bejeezus out of it. We're talking outfits, pork chops for dinner and a heated dog house. Anyway, one day, while he was at work, someone STOLE his dog!

Aw, that sucks!!!

Yeah, tell me about it. So the neighbor told me this guy was heartbroken and looking for a new dog. "Well........." I said. Then I told him about Toby. How I was sick of him eating my shoes and being hyperactive and how I just don't think Toby is a good fit for me.....etc.

So he told his coworker about Toby, and I gave Toby to him free of charge! He is super happy and was talking baby talk to Toby the last I heard. I'm sure Toby is munching away on filet mignon or something by now. He's hit the doggy jackpot!

Yay! All's well that ends well!

Yes, that is a great ending. Everyone is happy. So, what is your New Year's resolution?

The same one it is every year: lose 40 pounds! Only hopefully this year, I won't stop at 20 pounds and re-gain them back! Argh! I do it every time! And being in a happy relationship is really bad for dieting. I know CN will still like me no matter what I look like (several rough mornings have already proven this theory), which sort of deflates my motivation to eat healthy food. Especially when he takes me out to dinner all the time. Evenings at the gym have been replaced with evenings on the couch, snuggling.

But enough is enough. I'm running out of pants. So I gotta start running on a treadmill. I am breaking in my new running shoes tonight!!!!

And I would like the record to show that I ate a SALAD for lunch today. I. Hate. Salad. But dammit, I'm pissed off at myself, so it's time to shape up.

So yes, Healthy VB is back. Feel free to leave motivating comments for me! They are much appreciated!!!! How do you stay healthy? Have any tips or motivating thoughts for me? I'm having a hard time getting rid of my candy and pushing myself at the gym. I am watching Biggest Loser, because CN swears it motivates you to work out.

I also like to have a fun resolution: This year's fun one is to take more pictures! YAY!!! I know you are excited, because this blog has few, if any pics. But soon, that will change!!!

I want to know your resolutions, too. Share with me!

The Big Easy?

More like The Big Stress.

Wow, I haven't posted in a while. Sorry. I am really busy, getting all ready for some traveling. I am going to a conference in New Orleans. So my brain is a little preoccupied. My hotel reservations got all messed up, and I've been emailing and on the phone non-stop. It's stressful, because everything is all set, except for my hotel. And I have a lot of stuff to do before I'm ready to leave in 2 days. Plus, you know, it's December.

Argh. The older I get, the more stressful December gets for me. I miss being a kid, and only having to worry about writing down my Christmas list for Santa and then just counting down the days via the Advent calendar. Now, as an adult, I have to find good presents, spend the money to get them, work on travel arrangements, attend boring parties, stress about the weather, figure out when to wrap the presents, worry about mailing and delivery dates, deal with mall insanity for those last-minute gifts, donate to the right charities, coordinate with siblings to see who is getting Mom what.......*sigh*

I'm not complaining -- I like the holiday season. It puts me in a good mood, and I have generosity and love for all mankind oozing from my pores. Yeah, it's kind of disgusting. Almost makes me barf. But it's the good kind of barfing.

So yeah, I like this time of year, I just don't like the stress and the crowds. I woke up this morning and thought, "OMG! Only 20 days left? How will I get it all done, especially when I'm going to be out of town for 5 days?!"

And I'm sorry, but going to a work conference this weekend is really bad timing. Why would any organization set up an annual conference in December?? What, people don't have things do do during December?? Like we are all sitting around on our asses or something? This was obviously a man's idea. A boring, friendless man without children. That is the only type of person who would think it's a good idea. He was oblivious to baking, shopping, decorating, parties, travel and other holiday-related stress. Perhaps he was angry at the world for making him spend the holidays alone every year? I don't know. But 3,000 of us have to put our holiday planning on hold for a few days while we soak up the flavor of The Big Easy. Too bad we will be stuck in ultra-boring meetings most of the time.

Oh well. At least this year, I get to go to New Orleans, which is WAY cooler than last year's Orlando. The Crescent City has history, culture, good food and is easily explored on foot -- the only thing Orlando has going for it is....um....Disney World. And I'm not 7 years old.

I am leaving on Friday and won't be back until Tuesday. Now, now, stop crying. I'll be back before you know it. As long as I make it out alive from the airports. Ugh. I can feel my stomach cramping up, just thinking about airports. I love love love to fly, once I get on the plane. But airports? They stress me the f**k out. Anyone want to donate a Xanax? I'd be much obliged.

CN was sweet enough to offer to take care of Sammy & Toby for me. Aw. And he's taking me to/from the airport. He's such a good boyfriend, huh? *cheers for CN*

Oh, speaking of CN, I need to post about this past weekend. *makes note to self* Perhaps I will write a second post later today.

Have you been to New Orleans? How is it safety-wise? Is everything back open now that Katrina is over? Do you have any restaurant recommendations for me? Any shops? Interesting tours? I am interested in the following activities while I'm down there:

eating Cajun food (except raw oysters and crayfish)
eating Creole food (except raw oysters and crayfish)
eating Po Boys (especially if they have fried oysters or shrimp)
learning the difference between Creole and Cajun (I have tried!!)
buying pralines
buying Cajun/Creole food/spices I can take home with me
learning how to pronounce "pralines" correctly (apparently, it's "PRAW-leens")
historic home tours
history tours
ghost tours
voodoo tours
having my fortune read by a voodoo witch doctor, unless it's bad juju
buying magic potions from the witch doctors, unless it's bad juju
avoiding bad juju in general
local art/artists
Mardi Gras stuff
good souvenirs (masks, especially)

You are probably wondering why I'm not listing "Jazz music" on here. That is because I am not a jazz fan. *ducks to avoid being hit by readers' tomatoes and shoes* I know, I know. I am the anti-Christ because I don't like jazz. Sorry. But if you promise not to make me listen to jazz, I promise not to make you listen to my gangsta rap. Deal?

So if you know anything about any of the things I've listed, please give me a heads up or make some recommendations for me. I'd appreciate it! Because so far, all I've heard is that the French Quarter smells like pee. And don't go out after dark. So I'm a little apprehensive, at this point.

I just looked at the weather. It will be in the mid-70s. WOO HOO!!!

New Orleans, here I come! Laissez les bon temps roulez!

Leftovers

Is anyone out there waiting for a big, exciting report about my Thanksgiving break? Or maybe some juicy CN updates? Or a funny story about how I mortified myself in front of his family?

Then you will be sorely disappointed. :)

I did some shopping (including buying those silver shoes I mentioned in the last post, and I LOVE them -- they were on sale for $30!!) and got some Christmas presents. I am still stumped on MJ, KT and my mother. Well, kind of. I have gotten them all little things, but not enough for a whole present, so I have to think up something else. (Any ideas are appreciated! Yes, MJ & KT, even from you! I am officially taking requests!) Anyway, everyone else on my list is either scratched off or it's just a matter of my going to the store to go buy the item(s).

On Thanksgiving day, I got up and took a shower. Then I agonized about what to wear and changed outfits about 5 times. I called CN to ask him what he was wearing. "Jeans," he said. Cool! I put on some jeans and a button down shirt. I went over to his house and we watched some tv. I asked him what time they usually had Thanksgiving dinner at his parents' house. "Oh, you know, around lunch or something," he replied.

"Um, that sounds like something you should probably confirm with your mom, sweetie. I mean, CN. I am calling you CN today," I replied.

"You can call me sweetie. I told you, it's fine. Ok, let me call my mom," he said.

It turned out, the food was almost ready, and we were just dawdling, watching tv an hour away!!! Eeek! So we got in the car to make the drive. Halfway there, CN's dad called us and wanted us to pick up a newspaper for him. Well, it turns out that Thanksgiving newspapers are few and far between -- I think everyone bought one to get the shopping coupons. We tried every gas station, grocery store and quickie mart on the back roads to Barnwell -- they were all sold out! We finally found one in Barnwell. But by this time, we were about 30 minutes late and the food was waiting on us. Oops.

No one seemed upset, because they knew we were looking for a paper. When CN and I got there, we were greeted by his parents and his sisters. They had been working on a MASSIVE spread of food:

turkey
ham
gravy
mashed potatoes
stuffing
mac n cheese
sweet potato souffle
rutabagas (yeah, I passed on that...I am currently not accepting any new vegetables right now.)
green bean casserole
biscuits
grits (I think there were grits...I'm telling you, the selection was mind-boggling -- it was like a buffet!)

Can you say "Mmmmm!!!"? CN's mom makes the best mac n cheese I've ever had in my whole life. And then I brought the pie: pumpkin.......and sweet potato. The pumpkin came out fine. I just used the recipe on the back of the can. But the sweet potato pie....well, let's just say I wish I could have a do-over. It tasted fine. But I had two little problems:

1. I didn't really bake the sweet potatoes long enough. And I didn't realize it until it was too late. So the pie had teeny tiny lumps of sweet potato in it. Oops.
2. The recipe called for brown sugar, but all I had was dark brown sugar. I think it tastes better. Well, because it was so dark, it made the pie look like baked........puppy shit.

So CN and I dubbed it the "Puppy Shit Pie".

But we still ate it. It was pretty good.

We all ate so much, none of us had any energy after eating. We were even too lazy to change the tv channel, which was some show about plastic surgery. And it showed all these women with really REALLY saggy or terrifyingly huge boobies and we were all grossed out. It was kind of funny, actually. Poor CN had to listen to all of us women talk about boobs. He just laughed at us.

I got to meet CN's older sisters: Oldest, Middle, Youngest. Oldest only stopped by for a minute, so I didn't really get to talk to her. Middle is a hoot, and I liked her right away -- she is really funny, just like CN. And Youngest............well, CN had given me a heads-up about Youngest, so I was mentally prepared for how to deal with her. I was grateful for the heads up -- otherwise, I would have been convinced she just hated me! She's just one of those people who has to warm up to you. Which doesn't intimidate me at all. I mean, come on, I refer to my own mother as The Czarina-- she's not exactly a warm, huggy-type person. Besides, I'm totally charming. Who wouldn't like me? ;)

Youngest and I did bond over our shared love of makeup, shoes, purses, jewelry and Girly Things in General. So I could see her melting a little. I think I did ok. I think the sisters like me.

And CN's mom is just so sweet. I really like her. Her dining room was full of her collection of these, which I adore. I have a white one with a blue head at my house. It belonged to my grandmother, and I love it. I had no idea they came in different colors! CN's mom has them in all sorts of colors and sizes. It was really neat.

She's pretty stressed out right now, with CN's dad still being sick. He had to go back to the hospital today, because they are pretty sure he's got some internal bleeding somewhere. I am still waiting on an update. CN's mom doesn't like to upset CN with bad news, so he has to drag it out of her sometimes. Anyway, hopefully he will be better soon. He wasn't feeling too good when we were down there. He stayed in bed and didn't eat much. He had a fever, but thanks to some Tylenol, he was feeling better when we left. He was glad to see me.

Oh, and I did accidentally slip and call CN "honey" in front of his mom one time. But I don't think she noticed or cared. WHEW.

I asked CN to show me some baby photos, but he managed to weasel his way out of that one, claiming that he didn't have any or that his mother threw them away. So I had to settle for looking at his awful senior photos from high school! I haven't stopped teasing him about them since I saw them!

So yes, everything went very well at Thanksgiving, and I had nothing to worry about.

The rest of my long weekend was a mix of football game watching (all THREE of the teams I was rooting for -- Virginia, South Carolina and Alabama -- lost their games!!), bowling, napping, shopping, eating, cooking, movie watching and general relaxation. I love long weekends.

And yes, CN is still wonderful. "You're the best lookin' and the best cookin' girlfriend I've ever had," he told me last night when I made him some dinner. Aw. I almost barfed. :)

Thanks

Thank you to all the readers who left comments for me on the last post. I am not quite sure on the details about CN's dad, but he was allowed to go home last night, under the promise that he would come right back this morning. So he's not out of the clear, but it doesn't sound like it's too serious right now. CN is coming back to Columbia today.

WHEW.

I wish I knew more, but that's all I've got for now. Hopefully CN's dad will be feeling better and isn't dealing with anything serious. Then we can have Thanksgiving.

Speaking of that, one of the many things I am thankful for this year are my blog readers. Everyone is so supportive and helpful. Although I know few of you in real life, I am grateful for all the contact I do have with my readers, whether it's just on this blog, on myspace or in real life. I love the blogosphere's supportive attitude and I love meeting new people, if only virtually. You guys crack me up, and your interest in this blog never ceases to amaze me. You are understanding when I don't read your blog for months and sometimes, I feel like y'all are as emotionally invested in my dating life as I am! LOL! I love you guys. Please be careful when you are traveling this week and have a great time eating and hanging out with your fams!!!

Thanks for explaining that weird advice my mom gave me. I still don't really get it, but I guess it's because I don't have any kids of my own. I will give everyone the benefit of the doubt and avoid all pet names with CN in front of his mom. It will be weird to call him by name, though. I'm very used to calling him "babe" or "sweetheart".

Aw.

Ok, enough mush. Stupid hormones. And I miss my boyfriend. It's funny how quickly you miss someone when you're worried about them, huh?

Since we only have a half day at work today, I am running errands after work. I gotta go to the bank to deposit my Holiday Bonus (which is $200 more than last year! Woo Hoo!!!) and then I'm going to the mall and hopefully crossing some peeps off my Xmas list. Including myself, because I think my Christmas present to myself this year will be these. (Does everyone else buy themselves a Christmas gift? Or am I the only one? You see, this way, I'm guaranteed to get at least one thing I like. Can you tell my brothers suck at Christmas presents? Yeah.)

Anyway, I HATE dealing with holiday shoppers, so this will be my last chance before the crowds hit. After tomorrow, I am doing all my shopping at weird hours or online. Or far, far away from the mall.

I know you are all fascinated to hear this and this is the most interesting blog post you've ever read in your whole life.......riiiiiiiiight.

Then, I am baking three pies: pumpkin, sweet potato and pecan. If I have time, I might make some of my mom's Cranberry-Orange bread. Mmmmm.

As if this post isn't rambling and random enough, here is some more stuff:

I learned on the news this morning that today is the biggest day of the YEAR for people to order pizza delivery. It makes sense, if you think about it.

Did you know that Thanksgiving actually originated in my home state of Virginia? Yup. It did NOT start with the Pilgrims in Massachus... Massachussets .... Massa....dammit, how do you spell that frickin state?! Every version I type gets a red underline.

Makes me glad I'm not from there. Anyway, you know what state I'm talking about.

I sure do hope CN's mom makes yummy food. I am going to be missing my mom's stuffing (with sausage, apples and lots of sage), green bean casserole (I swear, hers is the best), turkey gravy and mashed potatoes. According to my dad, it was "the perfect meal" -- and my whole family agrees. My mom does it up right for Thanksgiving. So CN's mom has a tough act to follow.

But she's going to make sweet potato casserole, which I have been lobbying for at Mom's house for years--with no luck. So I'm pretty excited about that. Mmmm, with marshmallows on top...

Can't wait!!! Happy Turkey Day, everyone!!! As if the food isn't good enough, we get to watch all the college football games, too! I love Thanksgiving! Go Gamecocks!!!

Awkwardness

For the first time in my whole life, I am going to a significant other's parents' house for a holiday.

Yes, I am a loser. But that's not what this post is about.

And no, I am not freaking out about anything major. I have already met CN's parents, and I like them. And they like me. So that is good. I'm just nervous about the little stuff. The Czarina is not helping, either. The other evening, she called me.

VB: Hello?
C: Oh! It's loud. Are you out?
VB: Yes, Mom, I'm in a bar. What's up?
C: Are you with CN?
VB: Yes. We are eating dinner.
C: Um, ok. I just wanted to tell you something while I was thinking about it, because otherwise I'll forget.
VB: Ok. Shoot.
C: You're still going to CN's parents' house for Thanksgiving, right?
VB: Right. Is that ok?
C: Oh, sure, honey! That's totally fine. I know it's a pain to drive all the way up here, only to turn around two days later. You can just come home at Christmas.
VB: Ok. I'm glad you're not upset.
C: Oh, no. I just wanted to give you some advice.
VB: Ok.
C: When you go down there with CN, make sure you don't call him "Sweetie" or anything in front of his mother.
VB: [Trying not to laugh] I'm sorry. It's kind of loud in here. What did you say?
C: I just wanted to tell you not to call CN any little nicknames in front of his mother. It comes off as possessive.
VB: [Realizing there is no point in debating the validity of this statement, and it would be better to just go with it, because apparently, mother has smoked crack before picking up the phone.] Oh. Ok. Thanks, Mom!
C: You're welcome. I'll let you get back to your dinner. Love ya!
VB: Love you, too. Bye, Mom.

Ok, is anyone else totally confused about this advice? Because that was probably the strangest piece of advice she has EVER given to me. And I'm having a VERY hard time believing it. It sounds totally absurd. Who gives a fart if I call him "Schmoopie" or "Sugar Pie" or even "Love Bunny" in front of his mom?

I mean, do parents care about stuff like that? Or is my mother crazy? Because normally, her advice is very old-fashioned, which I can understand. Usually, I can see her point. It's never just plain crazy. This just made no sense to me at all. I could understand maybe, if his mother didn't like me, but she does. So I fail to see the meaning and importance of this advice. It's making me wonder if The Czarina is suffering from early-onset senility.

Maybe I'm just naive? Can anyone shed some light on this for me?

Funny side note: Right after I got off the phone with The Czarina, CN saw a friend of his in the bar. He introduced me, and the three of us started talking. Then the friend made a joke about how CN and I are going to have babies in "about 5 years". I laughed it off, but CN got TOTALLY flustered! It was so funny. I have never seen someone get so wigged out about a joke before in my life! He acted funny for the rest of the evening, and just couldn't seem to let it roll off his back. I mean, the joke put us on the spot, but there was no harm in it. I don't know why it bothered him so much. Can anyone explain this puzzling male behavior to me?

Ok, back to my Turkey Day Stress.

As if my mother's strange advice isn't making me TOO ill at ease, I have a bunch of other stuff that is stressing me out about Thanksgiving this year. My inner monologue goes something like this:

What if his parents' house smells funny? What if I don't like his mom's cooking? What if I have to meet other members of the family and they hate me? What if I get down there and his family is TOTALLY different than mine and we just don't mesh well? What if they get all dressed up for Thanksgiving?

(My family wears sweatshirts and jeans, because the Big Meal is always served mid-football marathon, and we are NOT about to wear church clothes to watch football games on tv!)

*Note to self: ask CN about appropriate Thanksgiving attire*

What if I have to go to church with them? I am weird about other people's churches. I never know where to go or what to do, and often feel guilty about "cheating". Which, at this point, is kind of stupid, because I have not been to church in about a year. I guess it's because I was raised Catholic. Although I'm not Catholic anymore, I still view my attending "other" churches as being sacriligious. I'm weird, I know. Heck, at this point, I could use ANY church! LOL I'm a heathen!

What if they don't like the pies I'm making? I will ruin Thanksgiving! (I am making a sweet potato pie, and I've never made one before. I'm worried I will mess it up.)

What if they eat weird food for Thanksgiving? Like squash or chitlins or goose or something? What if I don't want to eat anything except my own pies?

What if I want to watch different football games than they do? Or worse -- what if they don't watch the football games at all!?

What if I get homesick while I'm there and I start crying? (To make things really interesting, I am all hormonal and PMSy -- which means I cry about anything.) Or worse, what if Cranky, PMSy VB comes out and I bite someone's head off?! EEEK!!

What if something really awkward happens? Someone could bring up a personal topic, or CN and I could get into a fight. Or his parents could turn into MY parents, lecturing us to death. Ugh.

What if I get sick when I'm there? What if we start playing board games, like we do at The Czarina's, and I turn into Obnoxious Board Game VB, who plays for blood and screams at people?

Ugh. Ok, change of subject. I can feel my stomach twisting up. I need to chill, don't I? I'm being ridiculous. Everything will be fine. I could always just pop a vicodin -- Lord knows that always chills me out.

I'm kidding.

*Note to self: get prescription for Xanax.*

Does anyone have any advice for me? Because I've never done this before, and all I am imagining is that I will be like Sarah Jessica Parker's character in The Family Stone and it will be horrible horrible horrible. (By the way, if you have never seen that movie, it is hilarious!) My Overactive Imagination is having a field day right now. Pessimistically Paranoid is screaming and running around like a chicken with its head cut off.

Clearly, I need to talk to CN and get him to calm me the eff down. I swear, guys, this is the hormones talking. They make me crazy. Sorry if I'm being TMI today...

Why did I quit smoking again??? Gah, I'd kill for one right now.

So any advice is welcome. Tales of Warning are good, too. And if you have any funny or embarrassing stories, please share those, as well.

But mainly, I'm looking for an explanation of my mother's weird advice. Seriously, WTF??!

Costume Party!!!

My friend S (of the Happy Hour Crew -- see sidebar) and her boyfriend are throwing their 5th annual Halloween Costume Party tonight! Yay!!! Anyone can go, but everyone HAS to wear a costume. I LOVE wearing costumes, especially wigs. I can't wait to see S (she will be a Native American Princess) and her man (a cowboy). E and B are coming, too -- they are going to be Catholic school students. The rest of the Happy Hour Crew is going, but I have no idea what they are going to be. I can't wait to see what everyone thought up.

I am bringing the following people with me: CN, MJ, VW, The Runner, one of the members of the Rat Pack (who is randomly in town from NY!) and his roommate (who came down from NY for the ride). I don't know what any one is going to be, except for CN:

(and in case you are thinking it's just a cop costume, he would want me to tell you that he's going to be a character from Super Troopers, complete with a real mustache!)

...and The Runner:
Which will be hilarious! I can't wait to get my picture taken with the Burger King!

After much indecision, I have finally decided on a costume and have gathered everything I need. I bet you can guess what I'm going to be!









E even made me this to go with my costume!! Isn't that cool??? I'll be carrying it around at the party.


I will probably take a lot of pics this weekend. If any of them are anonymous enough, I will share with you. Tell me what you're going to be for Halloween!!! I love how creative people get for this holiday. Share with me, peeps!

Thursday 13

I'm alive, but barely. I just wish I could mainline some caffeine. *yawn*

Sorry about my long absence, but I don't have much to report! Everything has been smooth sailing, really. Since it's Thursday, I will make this a list of 13 things that have been going on so you can catch up! And nothing is wrong -- I just used the cloud logo because it's very dreary and rainy here today. Which is not helping my sleepiness!

1. I have 88 people reading this! Woot! I feel special. I had to re-send some invites today, because the guest invite only lasts for 2 weeks, so if you have been using the guest access, please create an account or face my wrath.

2. I am E-X-H-A-U-S-T-E-D today. I stayed up late hanging out with CN on Tuesday night, went to trivia last night until 11:30 and tonight I will be up late again. On Friday, I'm meeting up with the Happy Hour Girls, so I won't get any sleep tomorrow either! Aack! Thank goodness for coffee! If I can just hold out for Saturday morning, I will finally catch up on sleep.

3. Things are still going swimmingly with CN. He is wonderful and I'm really really happy. I think this is the first guy I've ever dated where I literally have nothing to complain about, even after dating him for a month. I swear the guy can read my mind. He is thoughtful, fun, considerate, affectionate, honest, patient....I could go on and on. He has yet to let me down. Period. Maybe I should change his name from Cute Neighbor to Mr. Wonderful?? LOL ugh, I think I just barfed a little.

4. Of course, the Pessimistically Paranoid Voice in me is saying, "Ok, no one is this great. There's got to be something he's hiding from you. He likes to wear women's underwear. Or he doesn't want to have children. Or he doesn't see anything wrong with torturing animals. Maybe he's got bodies buried under his house. There's got to be SOMETHING!! Get him to spill it!!!" -- But I'm still not finding any evidence. He's just.......really nice and sweet. To everyone, even strangers. Very normal guy. Geeky and shy, but normal. There's just nothing bad about him, really. It's kinda freaking me out a little.

5. He got tickets to the USC/Kentucky game tonight! I am SO FREAKING EXCITED. The tickets are really hard to get, especially since we are ranked 11th now. And I really hate Kentucky, because they are a big rival of my alma mater, Indiana University. So I really want to see them get creamed tonight. It should be a really good game -- both teams have been doing better than usual this year. The game is being televised nationally (ESPN), so if you watch it, I will wave to you from the crowd! I'll be wearing the garnet-colored tshirt. :)

6. I am taking MJ, KT, VW, CN and his friend The Runner to a big Halloween party thrown by S (one of the Happy Hour Girls) every year. This is the 5th annual Halloween party, and everyone has to wear a costume. It should be really fun. MJ & I are going to be Sprockets and The Runner is going to be The King (as in, Burger King). I don't think anyone else has their costumes picked out yet. CN is thinking about growing a mustache and going as Tom Selleck's character from Magnum P.I., much to my dismay. He looks very strange with a mustache -- I've seen pictures. So I need ideas, people. I am very anti-CN-mustache. Help me!

7. Other fun fall activities we (ie, MJ, VW, KT, The Runner and CN & I) have planned include: going to the corn maze, going to "Scarowinds" (Carowinds, the closest amusement park, has special Halloween features this month) and going on a ghost tour. And then, next week, the SC State Fair comes to town. EEEEEEK!!! I love October and Halloween!!!!

8. My roommate E and her boyfriend B are in the midst of what will probably end up being Breakup #3. I feel really bad for them, because I think they are both great people, but I think they are very ill-suited for each other. They have very different families, religions and goals. There are some trust issues on his part (he snooped through her phone) and she has some ex-boyfriend issues (I don't think she's recovered emotionally from her ex, who is a complete asshole). She would never in a million years cheat on B -- that's not what I'm saying. I just think that maybe she's not ready to be close to someone emotionally right now. And his family doesn't like her and probably never will. To make it worse, when they pick on E, he rarely sticks up for her, which has been causing some problems for them. Throw in the fact that he will never leave SC and she wants to move somewhere else eventually, and you begin to wonder why they are dating in the first place. I do not doubt that they love each other, but sometimes love isn't enough. You have to be on the same page about stuff. And they just aren't. E is willing to call it quits, but B is kind of in denial and thinks they can work things out. Since they work together, E is worried how it will affect that situation, especially since B is the boss's son.

So, in a nutshell, it's a big ol' mess. I have been trying to support E and listen to her, because she is upset about all of this. I hate to see her upset right now, because she has a bunch of other personal problems at the moment. She's majorly stressed. I just really think they need to call it quits -- for GOOD. They both need someone who is better suited for them. Hopefully they will figure this out and both move on with their lives. Until then, I'll just have to keep baking her brownies! I think they are helping.

9. Butter wrecked her car the other day. She's fine, but her car is totaled. She doesn't know exactly what happened, because it all happened so quickly, but it sounds like she blew a tire and lost control of the car. She drove into a big ditch. She was a little shaken, but she's fine now.

10. CN's dad is in the hospital, about an hour away. I think I told you he has cancer. Yeah, it's not good. Anyway, CN's dad's back has been hurting. He thought it was just a pinched nerve or something, so he went to the doctor. It turns out he's got a tumor on his back. So he's in the hospital right now, getting biopsies and stuff. CN doesn't like talking about it, and I can tell he gets upset, so I don't like pressuring him for details. But he did mention that he may go down there tonight instead of going to the game, depending on how well his dad is doing. He also may go down to the hospital this weekend to stay with his parents. I told him that I will go with him if he wants me to. So hopefully everything will be ok.

11. Um, ok, how about something not so Debbie Downer-ish? I watched the Strangers with Candy movie the other night. If you liked the Comedy Central show with Amy Sedaris and Stephen Colbert, you will LOVE the movie. It's pretty funny.

12. Tomorrow night is the reunion of the Happy Hour Girls. We have all been so busy for the past few months, we haven't gotten together in ages. Now that the summer is over and we are all done with vacations and other things, we can start meeting up at Wild Wings again. I am very excited to have girl time!

13. I am reading two Neil Strauss books right now: The Game, which is about the Pick-Up Artist community, and The Dirt: Confessions of the World's Most Notorious Rock Band. CN is letting me borrow it. It's about one of my favorite 80s hair bands, Motley Crue. Have I ever told you I'm a huge Tommy Lee fan? I think he's hilarious and really interesting. Aside from all the hepatitis stuff, anyway.

CN saw my copy of The Game, and asked me about it. I explained the book a little to him. Now he's on a mission to steal it from me and read it. I told him he didn't need to worry about picking up any chicks right now. :)

Alright, now you're all caught up, my wonderful little readers! I hope everyone's having a great day! You think I put enough links in this post? LOL

Happy Violentine's Day!

Before I begin, let me give you two quick updates:

1. I am in the process of retrospectively labeling all my posts--all the way back to day 1. So if you need to read the whole backstory on my freakishly long toes or why I am going to Hell, you can do so. What did you say? Something about anal retentiveness? What do you mean?

2. I have lost 9 pounds. Woot! Woot! Go me. I am diet queen. I can now fit into 2 pairs of pants which I could not wear in December.

Now, as I was saying...

I've managed to get out some of my pent-up rage in the past couple of days. Thanks to an elliptical machine, Lily Allen, empathetic girlfriends and of course--Camels.

But I've still got some reserve anger to use up tonight, when I get together with MJ, KT and E to do some serious bitching and man-bashing. That should do me for a while, and then it will be back to your regularly scheduled programming here on VB.

Until then, I will share some Violentine's Day related stories.

Story #1

My coworker told me about her friend's current family scandal. It turns out that this woman's grandparents have been married for 51 years. They are in their seventies. [insert "Awww!" here.] So Grandma goes to her high school reunion (why you'd still go to your high school reunion at that age, I don't know). While she's there, she runs into her high school sweetheart. His wife had recently passed away. So afterwards, she goes home and announces to her husband of 51 years that she is leaving him for her high school sweetheart. Then she started packing up all her stuff! She just moved in with her high school sweetheart. Unbelievable, huh? The lady said her family is wigging out over this. Understandably.

Story #2

I wish I could give you a link to this somehow, but since it happened about 20 minutes ago, it's probably not on the Internet yet. My other coworker was listening to a popular morning radio show as she sat at her desk. She overheard this:

DJ: Ok, the 10th caller gets a prize!

10th caller: Hey! Cool! What did I win?

DJ: A dozen red roses!

10th Caller: That's great! I haven't gotten anything for my girlfriend, Kelly, for Valentine's Day.

DJ: Well, that works out perfectly. What's your name? Where do you work?

10th Caller: Shawn Smith [my coworker couldn't remember his last name]. I work at Acme Construction Company [she couldn't remember the specific construction co. either, but it doesn't matter.]

*during the commercial break, the DJ answers the phone*

Lady: hey, did you just give a guy named Shawn Smith a dozen roses for Valentine's day? And he works at Acme Construction Co.?

DJ: Yeah! Are you his Valentine?

Lady: Yeah.

DJ: I think he's still on the line. Want me to put you through?

Lady: Yes, please.

*the DJ puts the two of them live on the radio*

Lady: So, who's Kelly?

10th Caller: She's just a friend! I swear!

Lady: Well, then can you explain to me why I found her earring in your truck?

DJ: Ma'am, are you his wife?

Lady: Yes! [the rest of what she says is bleeped out.]

DJ: [to 10th Caller] This is your wife? And so Kelly's your girlfriend?

10th Caller: Well...kinda.

[The wife starts cussing at him]

A couple minutes later, the DJ said all the phone lines were jammed from all the people calling in about it. I asked my coworker if it was a big set-up or a joke to play on the listeners. She said she didn't think so--the DJ sounded very shocked, and the woman was cussing up a storm. I'm hoping this will make it to the papers or the Internet, so I can post a link about it...this story is too funny. What an idiot!!

Story #3

This one's about me. When I was a senior in college, I dated this real asshole. (He was the guy with 3 balls, actually). By Valentine's Day, I was hip to his jive, and knew he was cheating on me.

So we are on the phone the day before V Day, and I asked him what I was getting for Valentine's Day. I wanted to see what he'd say. I knew he'd lay on the bullshit really thick. He didn't disappoint.

"Oh, well, I wanted to send you some flowers, and I called around to a bunch of florist shops, but I waited too long and they are all out of flowers. I'm sorry."

Readers, breathe deeply. Can you smell the bullshit?? I couldn't believe he actually expected me to belive that crap.

"Oh, that's ok, sweetie. I don't need flowers," I replied.

"I knew you'd understand. You're awesome," he said.

"I know. I'll talk to you later, ok?" I said.

"Ok, bye. I love you," he said.

"Uh-huh," I answered.

After getting off the phone, I immediately opened up my yellow pages. I turned to "Florist". I called the florist shop directly across the street from where he worked.

"Yes, hi, I'd like to have a dozen roses delivered tomorrow. You're not out, are you?" I asked.

"Oh, no. We've got tons. What color would you like?" says the florist.

"It really doesn't matter. Any color. You can mix them up if you want," I said.

"Oh...really?" she asked.

"Sure!" I said.

"Ok, well, I just need the name and address information from you."

I gave it to her. Along with my credit card number.

"One last thing," she said. "What do you want the card to say?"

"I guess you didn't call this florist shop. They have plenty. Asshole." I said.

I heard the florist stifle a giggle.

"*ahem* Really? I guess you didn't call this florist shop. They have plenty. Asshole. Is that right?"

"That's just perfect!" I said. "Thank you so much!"

To this day, it's the best $50 I've ever spent.

The St. Valentine's Day Massacre

Al Capone ain't got shit to do with this one, honey.

I'm talking about the other VD.

Venereal disease? Or Valentine's Day?

Is there a difference?

Both are humiliating. Both are painful. Both make you feel judged and labeled. Not to mention angry.

I am pretty sure the grand tally now is 5. Five girls I know, including myself, who are currently pissed at men in general. We have been dumped, lied to, lied about, hurt, freaked out, stood up, toyed with, frustrated, cheated on, insulted, used, rejected and had our hearts squashed liked bugs. We have been crying, drinking, smoking, bitching, pill popping, screaming, breaking things and doing a lot of running on treadmills. Every day, it seems, we add to our ranks of Very Angry Women. It is spreading like wildfire and we are sick of it. We are serious. Be afraid. This is a warning. Some of us are good shots. And some of us have access to guns.



We've had enough. We're just going to start killing you now.

Look, men, I'm sure you're all nice guys. Well, most of you. But right now, we are seriously considering hunting you down like scared little bunnies, shooting you dead and skinning your hides. Then we will tack them up to our walls as trophies, complete with a sign saying "My Ex, 2/14/07" or "This is what happens to cheaters." At least, that's what I'm going to do. If I go to jail, at least I'll leave the world a better place.

Don't give me that "oh, look at the bitter single woman!" bullshit. I don't want any comments talking about what I've done to bring this upon myself or how I need to stop being angry/jaded/bitter. Please don't tell me "oh, you'll find a good one soon" or any other corny optimistic bullshit. Keep the "this is why you're single" crap to yourself. Because I hope I'm single for a loooooooong time at this point. And don't you DARE say that I'm being too emotional. I'm not taking any responsibility for any of this crap, and neither are my friends because ALL the responsibility lies with the MEN who pulled this crap on us. In every situation, the guy was responsible 100%. So you can shove your "stop being a victim" comments.

And while I'm at it, men, WTF is up with your entire gender these past two weeks? Because y'all have some serious explaining to do. I think you're all walking backwards on your hands. Looks like your Dickhead Conference was a success. Good job. And y'all wonder why you can't get laid whenever you want...oh, and we just looooooove the timing, btw. Gee, really slick--right before Valentine's Day. What, did you think we wouldn't make the connection? What, you think there won't be 8.17 million women who won't join us? Because they will. They hate Valentine's Day Assholes just as much as we do.

If you are truly a nice guy who hasn't pulled any Asshole Moves lately, then I thank you for being normal, human and kind. I'm sure your girlfriend/wife/S.O./female friend appreciates you very much. Which is good, because you'll need her protection when we come to kill you. If you are a single guy and you can honestly say that you have been a total sweetheart to every woman you know for the past two weeks, we will consider sparing your life. It is, of course, decided on a case-by-case basis. And we'll need testimony from at least 2 ex-girlfriends that you are worthy of living. In writing. Certified by a public notary. By tomorrow.

And to all you happy little couples out there: I'm sure it's great that you're all happy and smiley from feeling loved and appreciated, but can you do the rest of us a favor and knock it off with the PDA this week? Because on Wednesday, you might get a real, actual spitball right on the side of your head. I, myself, will be tripping you as you walk, hand-in-hand down the street. You want to celebrate love? Stay home and have a bonkfest. Leave us angry, single women to our cigarettes, bitching and alcohol. That's right--we claim all drinking establishments. Y'all can have the romantic restaurants, flowers, peni, chocolate and cards. Fair enough?

If you are reading this and thinking, "I'm dating someone, but I hate Valentine's Day, too!", zip it. I don't want to hear from you. Right now, I'm only interested in talking to other single, angry women. Preferably the ones who hate men just as much as I do right now. So unless you'd like to give me some extra bullets you've got laying around, and you're willing to help us kill them, then you have no idea what we are going through right now. You can be my friend on Thursday.

Until then, look for my mug shot in the papers.

Whew. I feel better now. Thanks for letting me vent and daydream for a minute.

Gosh, it's a good thing I'm not armed, isn't it? How much do guns cost?