Happy 2008!

Hi, Everyone! Sorry I've been away so long. Some of you might know that I work for a school, so I get extra-long holiday vacations. Today is my first day back at work since my last post.

And yes, I have internet at home, but it's very slow and so I rarely post from there.

Thank you to everyone who send me Christmas/Holiday/New Year's wishes. Y'all are so sweet. I love my bloggy buds. I hope everyone had a fantastic holiday season full of yummy food, great presents and lots of love.

Ok, I have lots of news!!!! For the ease my readers, I will write this post in an imaginary interview way, so that all of your questions can be answered. In theory.

So, VB, how was your trip home to The Czarina's for Christmas?

Well, the good news is, I did not kill my mother. WHEW. We got along better than usual, actually. Not that I have a bad relationship with her. I love my mom. But, well, you know how it is. Those of you who have a loving-yet-domineering-control-freak mother know what I mean. I got to hang out with Smurf and my brothers Fungus and Fat Dog, too. I also got to see one of my oldest friends, a girl who lives in NYC. (She lives near Chinatown, if you are curious).

Wait, weren't you going to post about New Orleans again?

Um, yes, but I left my photo CD at home. Sorry. The pics weren't very good, anyway.

So what else is new?

Well, just before I went home for the holidays, if you remember, I was having car problems and was ready to start car shopping. So Czarina called the Pontiac dealership in my hometown. The Belle family has been doing business with them since the 1960s. No joke. Needless to say, we are on a first-name-basis with everyone who works there. They are very trustworthy and the prices kick ass. So she called them to see if they had any used Hondas or Toyotas -- I told her I was never driving another GM car again as long as I live.

Czarina called me back. "Ok, they have a Ponti--"
"Hold up. Time out. No, Mom. I said no more American cars. Japanese only."
"I know, I know. Just listen. They have a Pontiac Vibe, which has a Toyota engine in it. They just stick a GM body on top when they make it."
"I'm listening," I said.
"They said they'd give you $7,000 for your trade-in--"
[Picks up jaw from floor] "Um, did you say '$7,000'?"
"Yup! And it's a 2004 with only 40,000 miles on it! It's red and it has a sunroof!" she gushed.
"SOLD!" I said.

So here is a pic of a car that is identical to mine! I love that it's red, because as you know, I am a major Indiana basketball fan, and red is the team's color. Woo hoo!!!



I miss having a V6 engine and a couple other features, but I'm loving the better gas mileage and sunroof already! Plus, it is SO much more reliable. I can sleep at night now. It's cute, but I am worried that it's kind of a "mom-ish" car. I always imagine myself in a red convertible...

Maybe one day. But for now, I want reliability and good gas mileage!

Yay! That's great! We love your new car and don't think it's "mom-ish" at all! Now, give us what we really want: some updates on CN! What's going on there?

*sigh* He is still wonderful. I will try not to gush too much. I gave him an ipod shuffle for Christmas, because he admired mine so much -- he loves it! I got major girlfriend points. He gave me a DVD I wanted (a horror movie called When a Stranger Calls -- the original one, not the re-make) and a very pretty silver necklace -- it's a heart with teeny tiny diamonds in it. YAY!!! Good boyfriend!!!! He had asked me what I wanted for Christmas, and I replied, "I want you to get me something only a boyfriend would buy." Which, as my female readers know, means, "Jewelry. Preferably real." -- Ok, I'm kidding. It didn't have to be real. So I was pleasantly surprised.

Wow. CN is fantastic. You must feel like the luckiest girl in the world!

He is!!! I am!!!! We are super duper happy!!!!

Ok, now you are making us want to barf, and we like you. Can you stop gushing about Mr. Wonderful?

Sorry.

Any other news?

I got a new cell phone, and it's waaaaay fancier than my old one. Does anyone know a website that is good for ringtones? My provider's website doesn't have some of the songs I want.

My sister got me a gift certificate to Sephora, my most favorite store of all time, as I am a total makeup addict. As much as I lovelovelove it, I am paralyzed with indecision whenever I attempt at making purchases there. I honestly cannot decide. It's like asking a parent which one of their kids is their favorite. So I will hang on to the card for a while.

My brothers gave me Best Buy gift certificates, which will be used to buy more RAM for my home computer. Right now I am operating on a whopping 156k (if I remember correctly -- it's abysmally paltry in any case) and am chomping at the bit to buy some RAM so I can use the Internet from home without wanting to scream at my monitor.

MJ and KT got me yummy coffee that is hard to find. They also got me a gift certificate for dog boarding -- an excellent idea!

OH! I almost forgot!

What?

While I was at home at my mom's house, I was talking to her neighbor. He told me a sad story: his coworker had a Jack Russell terrier and he spoiled the bejeezus out of it. We're talking outfits, pork chops for dinner and a heated dog house. Anyway, one day, while he was at work, someone STOLE his dog!

Aw, that sucks!!!

Yeah, tell me about it. So the neighbor told me this guy was heartbroken and looking for a new dog. "Well........." I said. Then I told him about Toby. How I was sick of him eating my shoes and being hyperactive and how I just don't think Toby is a good fit for me.....etc.

So he told his coworker about Toby, and I gave Toby to him free of charge! He is super happy and was talking baby talk to Toby the last I heard. I'm sure Toby is munching away on filet mignon or something by now. He's hit the doggy jackpot!

Yay! All's well that ends well!

Yes, that is a great ending. Everyone is happy. So, what is your New Year's resolution?

The same one it is every year: lose 40 pounds! Only hopefully this year, I won't stop at 20 pounds and re-gain them back! Argh! I do it every time! And being in a happy relationship is really bad for dieting. I know CN will still like me no matter what I look like (several rough mornings have already proven this theory), which sort of deflates my motivation to eat healthy food. Especially when he takes me out to dinner all the time. Evenings at the gym have been replaced with evenings on the couch, snuggling.

But enough is enough. I'm running out of pants. So I gotta start running on a treadmill. I am breaking in my new running shoes tonight!!!!

And I would like the record to show that I ate a SALAD for lunch today. I. Hate. Salad. But dammit, I'm pissed off at myself, so it's time to shape up.

So yes, Healthy VB is back. Feel free to leave motivating comments for me! They are much appreciated!!!! How do you stay healthy? Have any tips or motivating thoughts for me? I'm having a hard time getting rid of my candy and pushing myself at the gym. I am watching Biggest Loser, because CN swears it motivates you to work out.

I also like to have a fun resolution: This year's fun one is to take more pictures! YAY!!! I know you are excited, because this blog has few, if any pics. But soon, that will change!!!

I want to know your resolutions, too. Share with me!

New Orleans!

Ok, I swear that I'm alive. You can stop the search party. I know I've been gone for um...well over a week. But it's the holidays, so I've been really busy. I'm sure you can understand.

Did you know I am kind of a perfectionist with my blog posts? I am. I re-write each one about three times. So writing about my trip to New Orleans has been quite an ordeal -- one post was not enough, so I have a 2nd drafted post after this. But I wanted to wait on my photos to get developed so that I could show you my pics in the same post...and then I had car trouble....and....BLAH. Now I'm all screwed up, because part of me is thinking, "Dude, no one wants to read two posts about your trip. Just sum it up and get on with your life." But another part of me is saying, "Yes, but you are stuck at home today while your car is being worked on, so what the hell else are you going to do?"

Anyway, this is a post about my trip. It may/may not be the last post. I dunno yet. Haven't even developed the film. And I may not get around to another post before I go home to Virginia on Thursday. But I'm tired of editing it and stuff, so I'm just posting it for now, so I can get on with my life. If this post does it for you, great. If you want another post about my trip, stay tuned. I won't be mad if you skip it. Even I'm sick of reading it by now. Being anal-retentive is a double edge sword. :)

New Orleans is fantastic! If you have never been, I highly recommend it. Even if you don't drink in the numerous bars, you will enjoy the history, food and culture of this unique city. The downtown area is totally back up and running, as is the French Quarter. I did see a lot of "For Lease" and "For Sale" signs in windows, but that is pretty true in lots of cities across the country. Most of the heavily damaged part that is being rebuilt is on the other side of town from the touristy areas.

The people and the food cannot be beat. Man oh man, did I have some good food!!!! This is a city that knows how to have a good time.

I took a lot of pictures, but did not use the whole roll of film yet, so I will have to share them with you later. For now, I will give you my general overview of the Crescent City. My next post will be more personal experiences.

Things I learned about New Orleans:

1. There are street musicians and performers everywhere. The large majority of them are fairly talented.

2. Almost everything has a French connotation or name, but every once in a while, you'll see something Spanish. That is because the city was passed back and forth between the two countries prior to the Louisiana Purchase, when it became U.S. territory. But the French culture is most evident, as just about everything has a fleur de lis on it.

3. There's lots of seafood to eat. I can tell the restaurant business there has a ton of competition. But it's pretty hard to go wrong in New Orleans. It's all delicious! While it is most definitely Southern cuisine, it has a lot of unique dishes not normally found in the rest of the South: jambalaya, gumbo, bread pudding (imagine an extremely moist cake, flavored with cinnamon or vanilla, sometimes including raisins), crawfish (aka crawdads aka mud puppies), redfish (a mild, flaky white fish), po'boys and lots of oysters. The signature dessert is bananas foster. I think they probably eat more rice per capita than any city in the country! Everything had rice in it or on the side.

They also love shrimp, anything with pecans, crab and beans. But that is fairly common anywhere in the South. Lots of things had wonderfully flavored sauces on them. If you've ever had something "blackened", then you know what I mean about the kick their food has. More often than not, their dishes are very zesty and flavorful, rather than spicy hot. But you can find spicy hot food, too.

Edit: I have already made bread pudding, a fantastic local dessert, from the cookbook I bought while there. I'll post it in a sec on my cooking blog. I just took it out of the oven and it smells fantastic!

4. I also realized that New Orleans is sort of the Las Vegas of the East Coast. This is most definitely a town for people with vices. Although unlike Vegas, it really caters more to alcoholics and exhibitionists than gamblers and prostitutes. Prostitution was legal in the French Quarter between about the 1870s and our entry into WWI. During that time, it became easier for the city to just legalize it than deal with all the hassle of enforcing the anti-prostitution laws.

But when we entered WWI, the Navy shut it all down because they didn't want the sailors all getting distracted (and getting VD!) before shipping out. Anyway, there's still strip clubs and tons of bars there. You can even walk around with an alcoholic drink in the streets, year-round! A lot of the bars have special side windows where you can buy "to-go" drinks. In short, this is not a city for straight-laced people. It definitely has a wild side!

5. Speaking of the wild side, although Mardi Gras is only once a year, you'd never know it by looking at all the shops. You'd think Mardi Gras was every weekend! Beads, masks, hats, feather boas, shot glasses, crazy outfits....all can be had on every street corner in town. And of course, everything is green, gold and purple. And since I am a culture vulture, I diligently read my travel guide on the flight down, so I taught myself all about the krewes, King Cake and Rex. Did you know that Mardi Gras lasts at least a couple of weeks, and there are several parades each day? Krewes (the people on the parade floats) can spend tens of thousands of dollars on the beads they throw to the crowds. And all of this has been going on since the 1700s!

6. Although voodoo can be found in Savannah, GA, it is most often associated with New Orleans. I didn't have time to go on the voodoo tour or to the voodoo museum, unfortunately. I will have to save it for my next trip down. But there are references to voodoo all over town, especially to Marie Laveau, the Voodoo Queen.

7. Because the water table is so high, you cannot bury people under the ground in New Orleans. So families have used vaults instead. They look like little buildings, but they hold...well, bodies. There are only so many slots per vault, so when one member of the family dies, they are just sort of pushed out of the way to make room for the newly deceased member. There is a 2 year waiting period between making a "new deposit" into the vault -- for obvious reasons. No, I don't know what they do when they want to make a deposit in less than 2 years. And I'm ok with living ignorantly in that way. But these cemeteries are amazing -- they literally look like little neighborhoods, each vault with a small cross on the top. They are almost always white, and often have statues of angels or cherubs decorating them. I wanted to take a tour of these, too, but unfortunately ran out of time.

8. Ok, enough creepy/morbid stuff. Let's talk architecture. Although it's called the "French" Quarter, much of the French architecture was burned in two 18th century fires. So the Spanish (who were in control at the time) decided to rebuild using only brick, rather than the wooden materials used by the French. Tiled roofs, stucco and balconies with ironwork are all noticeable features of this style. The buildings were often painted in pastel colors. Here is an example of one:


Meanwhile, in other parts of town, Americans were settling in the newer, outlying areas, such as the Garden District. The Americans were not socially accepted by the Creoles in the French Quarter, from what I understand, so they built houses like every other American in the antebellum South did: big, white and with columns. Take, for example, these:


I don't know which style I like better. I just know I really enjoyed looking at them. The trees and gardens (obviously) were also quite beautiful in the Garden District. It was neat to just walk around and see block after block of these gorgeous old homes.

9. I wish every town had a streetcar! They are the coolest way of transportation ever! They make this wonderful clickity-clack sound as they go down the track, and the conductor rings the bell when he crosses intersections -- it's very quaint. They are faster than walking, but slow enough that you can get a great view of your surroundings as you travel. There are big windows you can open to provide a nice breeze. And it's only $1.25 each way! Much cheaper than gas.

10. Overall, New Orleans reminds me of Charleston and Savannah, with a splash of NYC, all rolled into one.

Ok, hopefully I am developing the film tomorrow, and I will have another post for you, complete with my own pics and more personal experiences. I was going to do it today, but my car is in the shop and I'm stuck at home.

My car almost killed me on Saturday. I was on the highway, doing about 70 mph, when the engine DIED and I lost steering, brakes and gas. Luckily, I pulled over to the side ok, but I was shaking and on the verge of tears I was so scared. It turns out, I need a new fuel filter. Anyway, I am officially fed up with my POS car, and am getting a new one when I go home for Xmas! WOOT! More news on that soon. This post is long enough already.

Quiz Answers

Alright, people. Let's go over the quiz answers before I announce the winner.

1. I have never been to California. I have never been west of Kansas, actually.
2. I have a seriously difficult time avoiding shoe sales or the makeup counters.
3. I have never been a telemarketer, because I hate telemarketers. If you answered this one incorrectly, perhaps you need to read this post.
4. My dogs are Boston Terriers. In case you don't know what that kind of dog looks like, here is a pic of my Sammy. And my boobs:
Now that you have seen my boobs, I don't want any whining about the lack of boobage on this blog.
5. I drive a piece-of-shit Pontiac. True to form, it is currently in the shop. As soon as I find a ride to the mechanic's after work, I can have my stupid car back (oh, the joy) for a measly $160. It's still cheaper than a car payment, I guess...
6. Not very many people got this one -- The name "Virginia Belle" is one of the nicknames my dad used to call me. That's where I got the name. NOT from the nudie girl. Major props to peeps who got this -- it has been mentioned a whopping ONE time in this blog's history. Gold stars for you!
7. Ok, ok, this was kind of a trick question. Do I like camping? Do I like the beach? No, and yes, respectively. But I would rather go to NYC than anywhere in the whole world. Yes, even Italy, which is something I never thought I'd say. Very few people got this one, either. So don't feel badly if you missed it.
8. I spent my undergrads at Indiana (Go Hoosiers!!) and then went to South Carolina for library school (so, yes, if you are a librarian, that means you did indeed go to grad school).
9. I eat the same thing for breakfast pretty much every morning. I am weird. I can play Tetris, Scattergories and Taboo for days on end. I am obsessive. I break out into a cold sweat when presented with brown crickets, diving or heights. I am a wuss. So that leaves A) I am a librarian and I love it. I cannot imagine doing anything else. NOT!!!!
10. And yes, I have dated a guy with three balls, a jerk who ate half my dinner and a guy who ended up being gay. Please, hold your applause. *takes a bow* And this may/may not have been a flawed question, as I cannot find any evidence in previous posts about the gay guy I dated in college. So if you were scratching your head on that one, my bad. I don't think I mentioned it. If you want the whole story, remind me to post it. My friends IRL (in real life) probably all know it, because they like to laugh at me, and this is a good factoid for that purpose.

So if you took the quiz (there were 27 of you, which makes me happy, because that is my favorite number), I am saying "Thank you! You are cool!" But I'm sure you are thinking, "Shut up and tell us who won!"

To which I reply: MJ cheated and signed up her dog to take the quiz, so that she could take it a second time, because she didn't get 100% the first time around. So actually, the winner of the quiz, with a perfect score of 100 is: Tater.


Don't let that face fool you -- he has an amazing ability to listen and remember things. And although he has never seen me naked, I'm sure he is rather ambivalent about the opportunity. He has already seen what I look like, although probably not well, since he has an eye condition. Naked pics or PG-rated pics would probably be the same to him. So unfortunately for my readers, my fractionally-anonymous clothed and/or nekkid body will remain internet-proofed. Um, as far as I know, anyway.

I had a good weekend, aside from my car acting up. The dashboard light lit up again. It says "Service Engine Soon" but it might as well say "You Drive a Piece of Shit". Anyway, it's fixed now, and waiting on me to go shell out $160 to pay for the "stuck open thermostat" which may be mechanic-speak for "my kid's braces". Ugh. How the hell can replacing one dinky thermostat cost so damn much?? I can buy a thermometer from the drugstore for about $5.00 -- cant' they just use that? I guess I should stop complaining. Normally, my repairs are about $300.

Let's move on, shall we? Ok. I'm trying to focus on the upside: CN is picking me up after work today to take me to go get my car. Aw, what a good boyfriend!! +500 points.

Speaking of him, he is involved in the highlight of my weekend. Without this highlight, my weekend would have been nothing but lazy slothdom: watching movies, eating candy, baking, cooking, board games, shopping, napping.....*yawn!*

Where was I? Oh yes. On Saturday, I went with CN to go meet up with his parents for lunch. We met each other halfway in-between Columbia (where CN and I are) and Barnwell (where CN's parents are). I am referring to the metropolis that is Neeses, SC. (Nudie pic for anyone reading this who has actually been to Neeses, SC -- pending evidentiary proof, of course.)

So we meet up in Neeses for lunch. Which is difficult to do, considering Neeses (pop. 407) is so small that there AREN'T any restaurants. Not even fast food ones. At first look, this might seem to be a stumbling block in our plans, but we do have a solitary dining choice: the grocery store.

Oh yes, you read that correctly. The Piggly-Wiggly in Neeses, SC has a built-in restaurant. They have fantastic soft serve ice cream! They serve breakfast, even! They have nightly specials! And senior citizen discounts! And greasy, laminated menus! And tables that are 25% smaller than they should be! As if this isn't enough, here is the kicker:

If you go to the meat department, and pick out something you want to eat (whether it's a steak or 20 chicken wings or 1 lb of ground beef), you can take it into the restaurant, and they will cook it for you AND give you a choice of baked potato or french fries for only an additional charge of...........drumroll, please...........$1.88!!!

This is, according to CN's dad, THE. COOLEST.THING. EVER. Which cracks me up, because my dad would have thought it was the coolest thing ever.

So we go to the meat department, and everyone selects a steak except me.

"Um, I'm kind of in the mood for a burger. They have burgers, right?" I mumbled sheepishly.

All three of them stopped dead, holding packages of raw meat in their hands. They turned to look at me in unison, shocked and awed that I am not rummaging through the steaks.

"But you can pick anything you want! Anything! And they will cook it!" said CN's dad, astonished.
"Oh, come on now, getcha a steak," said CN's mom.
"It's only $1.88, what's wrong with you?" said CN, teasingly.

"I'm just.....in the mood for a burger....is that ok?" I asked.

"Oh, but getcha a steak, now, come on," said his mom.
"You don't want a steak?" continued his dad, still amazed that I would want to eat something other than a steak. The man was seriously shocked, y'all. It was almost as if I'd told him I honestly believed the world was flat.

"But I don't want a steak. Am I allowed to get something other than a steak?" I whispered to CN.
"Of course you are. We just always get steaks. You can get a burger, too. But just pick up a steak. It will make my dad feel better," CN explained.
"You can take it home with you, it's no big deal. Just get both," his mother explained, under her breath.

As soon as I grabbed a steak, CN's dad seemed to feel a lot better. So when we ordered, I got a cheeseburger in addition to my steak.

Now, you might be thinking this is a really strange interaction. Why are three people telling a 28 year old woman what she should eat for lunch? That's absurd. And you would be correct in your beliefs. But I was strangely comforted by their insistence. Why? Because my father used to do the SAME THING to all of us when we were growing up. From the time I was in diapers, I would have to listen to his comments every time I ate:

"You're eating that? When we have leftover turkey? Oh, you should go get some of that turkey."
"Don't you want to put some pepper on that? You really should put some pepper on it."
"You're eating that all wrong. You can't put maple syrup on that. No one puts maple syrup on that. What's wrong with you? You are ruining it by putting maple syrup on it."

So I am used to having people tell me what I should eat/not eat and how to eat it "properly". I am also used to ignoring them and eating what I damn well please. :)

My dad died almost three years ago. I miss his food criticism. It was nice to hear it from someone. I like CN's parents. They are a lot like mine.

If My Life Were a Mastercard Ad...

Running out of gas on the way to work? An hour of vacation time wasted while waiting for a coworker to rescue me.

Filling up a tank that is 99% empty? $42.26

Arriving at work to find my stalker waiting for me? Taking the long way into the building to avoid him. I've been hiding in my office ever since.

Hot Neighbor coming over last night because he wanted to thank me "in person" for the cake? Priceless.

He wants me. Right? I mean, that's 3 trips to my house to thank me for half of a leftover birthday cake I gave him a week ago. You don't do that, normally. Normally, you'd return the tupperware about 2 weeks later, still encrusted with frosting, and just say "Thanks for the cake!" the next time you see the person in their driveway.

And it may have been my imagination (which, as we all know, likes to do its own thing), but I swear he had this look on his face like he wanted to say something else. See, what happened was, it was 10pm and I was walking Sammy. I returned from the walk to find him knocking on my door. He turned around to see me waving at him. He got this semi-surprised look on his face, and I said, "Hey! What's up?" He told me he wanted to thank me in person, blah blah. I said, "It was good, wasn't it? See why I had to get rid of it?" Then he repeated himself again--"I just wanted to thank you in person..blah blah."

(Keep in mind that I have a difficult time focusing on what actually comes out of his mouth, because I'm usually standing there, thinking, "OMG!!!! He's talking to me!!! Do I look ok? He's talking. Pay attention. Shit, I have a zit. Crap, I knew I should have powdered my nose earlier. I'm probably all greasy. I have no idea if my hair looks good right now. Wait, what did he say? Why oh why did I wear this stupid outfit today? Don't come on too strong, VB. Keep it cool.")

Where was I? Oh yeah. He said thank you twice. I thought, "Um, you just said that. But you're wearing shorts right now, and you have nice legs, so that's ok." I said to him, "Oh, you're welcome." (I remembered to smile. I'm really glad I remembered.) He just kind of stood there. Eeerrm.....now what? All I could think about was how cold he must be for standing around in shorts. Before it got really awkward, I said, "Ok, well, have a good night." And then he said, "You too! Talk to you later," and walked away. At least, I think that's what he said. I was checking out his ass at that specific moment.

Any interpretations? He wants me, right? Because that's how it goes in my head.....

Anyway, back to my out-of-gas car. So when I called Czarina this morning to tell her I was stranded and waiting on a coworker to save me, she of course wanted to know if I was safe. "Yes, I'm on a residential street," I replied. Then she called me a bimbo. I told her that the gas gauge is broken and has been lying to me about how much gas is actually in my tank. "That's why you write down how many miles you've driven since the last time you filled up. You can assume you'll get about 200 miles per tank."

"Mom, the gas gauge started doing this yesterday. I have no idea how many miles I've driven since I filled up last. I had no clue how much gas was in my tank. I don't even remember when I filled up last. I know it was a few days ago."

She laughed and called me her little blonde bimbo. "Oh honey, I've done it, too. We all have our blonde moments." Thanks, Mom. So glad I called for some sympathy. What was I thinking?

(I am going to go leave replies to all y'all's --shut up, that is grammatical in SC-- comments on the last post now.)

So, How Was Your Weekend?

Greetings, Readers. I hope today finds y'all well. Let's see...what to blog about today...

I could discuss how this past weekend was dubbed "Freaks on Parade" by MJ and I. Never in my life have I had to deal with so many drunken losers at so many different bars. Every guy was worse than the last--pushy, ugly, nosy, full of themselves...you name it. Not a cute, polite, funny guy in sight all weekend. It's enough to make me want to avoid the bars for a month.

One of the freaks was RDG, who I've determined is probably an alcoholic. I have yet to hold an entirely sober conversation with him. He was so drunk on Friday night that not only did he not recognize me, but he was practically falling asleep at the bar. Very sad. I'm so glad I did not ever hook up with him!

It was, as my coworker pointed out to me, both a full moon and a lunar eclipse. Perhaps this explains it.

I could discuss how my car has a new problem. Oh yes. It has thought of a new way to torture me. Now, it is playing "guess your gas" with me. Between home and work this morning, my gas tank registered at totally empty, 3/4 full, 100% full and just less than half. How much gas do I actually have? Who knows. I don't remember when I filled up last time. I didn't know there would be a quiz. I guess I'll just fill 'er up after work today and keep track of it that way. I usually fill up once a week.

I could discuss how good Zodiac was. MJ and I saw it on Sunday night. Man, I love me some serial killer flicks. It only had about 2 seconds of gore. And it's kind of long, but it's so good, you don't care. Parts of it get kind of complicated, but the movie never leaves you in the dust. It manages to straddle that fine line between, "Crap, I'm lost." and "Duh. We already figured that part out." Plus, the acting was really good. Since the murders were never solved (don't worry, I'm not spoiling anything for you), I was afraid it would leave the audience hanging at the end, but it managed to tie up the loose ends nicely. Very good.

I could discuss how Hot Neighbor came over to my house TWICE this weekend, and I was in the shower the first time and not at home the 2nd time. Yeah....how pissed was I?? K said he had on a suit the first time. DANGIT. It's so never going to happen for me.

I could discuss how several people have managed to TOTALLY freak me out about dating guys with ex-wives and kids, anyway. Single dads will always answer their cell (always, ladies!). You have to compete with kids/ex-wife for time and money. So you can forget getting jewelry or fancy dinners all the time, let alone "alone" time. The kids will try and call you "Mommy" at best, or they will be spoiled brats who yell, "You're not my mommy!" at worst. You will feel pressure to cook and do laundry for them. Or babysit them. You have to be REALLY good about birth control because (obviously) the guy's plumbing is in working order.

Good grief. Hot Neighbor's lucky he's hot. Because if he wasn't, he'd be S.O.L.

My coworker did tell me one thing that is kind of optimisitic: recently divorced guys are verrrrrrry lonely. (They're so wone-wee...) They are used to having a family, someone to welcome them home, regular romps in the hay, etc.

Argh. Why can't some things be easy? Then again, it's not like he's asked me out or anything. For all I know, I don't have a snowball's chance in hell. At least I still have my window where I can secretly gawk at him. *sigh*

I could discuss how badly I want to get Dog #2. But it has to wait...

Because my bank account is hemorrhaging money right now. Between shopping (oops!), 3 birthdays for friends this week, an upcoming trip to Charleston, a baby shower gift, car repairs and other expenses for my Big Secret Project, I need to watch my nickels and dimes for the time being. This means cooking at home and wearing the shoes I have bought already instead of buying new ones.

Speaking of new shoes...I got this pair this weekend:


Cute, huh? Yeah. They go with everything. And I got them half off because I am Master Shopper. (read: I am a cheapskate.)

I could discuss that somehow, despite my 3 pieces of birthday cake last week and the fact that I ate my entire dinner at Blue Marlin this weekend, I have managed to lose 2 more pounds, making a grand total of 12 pounds lost. Woot! Woot! It was so freakin' good. Worth every penny of the $25. Mmmm...tilapia.

I could discuss how I bought a fake engagement ring to keep (future) nasty drunk bar guys and my stalker away from me. It looks like the one on the left.


Look, people, if I'm going to pretend I'm engaged, I'm going to pretend. It's not quite that big. But it's the same setting. Let's just say that if it were real, I'd be a very happy girl. So far, it's working.

I could discuss how a very good friend of the family got knocked up. She's 24. Yeah. Big oops. It's somewhat of a scandal, considering the boyfriend is a jerk and they probably aren't going to stay together or get married. Her parents are trying to get her to give it up for adoption, because she just graduated college and doesn't make a lot of money (you know how those entry-level jobs are). The boyf certainly isn't going to stick around. So she's on her own. She thinks her friends are going to help her out (like Rachel on Friends), but they have to work, too. And on weekends, they are going to want to party, not babysit. She doesn't want to give the baby up. I don't know if I could, either, if I were her. She's trying to take responsibility for her actions, which I can understand. But I can also understand why her parents want her to give it up. Somewhere out there is a couple who wants a baby more than anything. A couple who has time to be with the baby. A mom who has a good husband who can help her out. I just don't know what the right choice is. It's a tough call.

On that note, can I just say how GRATEFUL I am that I didn't get knocked up by Repo? Holy cow, I will be forever grateful for that. Can you imagine him as a father? *rolls eyes* The baby would starve or have a constant diaper rash because he's too lazy to take care of it. Actually, come to think of it, I'm really glad I haven't gotten knocked up by any of my exes. If I had to choose, I'd pick Big Ex. He's a good guy. We just met at the wrong time. He'd be a fantastic dad, too.

Wow. That's a weird question to ask yourself. I hadn't really thought about that before now. Which ex, if you had to pick, would you want to father your kids?

I could discuss how I have a zillion errands to run, thanks to all my friends' birthdays this week. I have 2 cakes to bake, 3 presents to buy, dry cleaning to drop off, more things for my Big Secret Project to complete, gym trips that MUST be made, somehow I have to get to the bank, pay the bills, find time to clean my room, finish watching DVDs that need to be returned....argh. Don't get me wrong. I love my friends. I love being busy. I am just feeling frazzled. Did I mention I might be going to Charleston this weekend? So add to that: packing and driving Mystery Gas car.

All this thinking is making me sleepy. I'm going home and taking a nap. Then I will tackle my to-do list. Later peeps!

Aggravating & Random

Like many of my posts, this one will start with me bitching about something, and then I will inform you of the latest events in my life.

Ahem.

You know I hate my car. You know how the little key reader hasn't been reading my key, leaving me stranded until the key reader (aka the "tumbler") decides to reset. Sometimes it takes two minutes, sometimes it takes 2 hours.

When I got off work Wednesday, in a hurry to go meet Brunette and Nurse P for the USC basketball game, my car decided to be stubborn. It. Would. Not. Start.

I sat there for a half an hour, begging, pleading, whining, smoking and banging my fist on the dashboard (My little trick-- sometimes it jiggles the tumbler and the car will start). At 5pm, I gave up and caught a coworker who was walking through the parking lot. She offered to drive me home.

Nurse P picked me up from home, and I told her that I'll just let the tumbler re-set while we are at the game.

(Have I mentioned how much I L-O-V-E to attend live sporting events? Because I do. I cheer, I scream, I wear the team colors. I was even winking at some cute guys in the next section over. Not that that's the only reason I go to sporting events. But it doesn't exactly hurt. Where was I? Oh yes.)

So we get back from the game, and it still won't start. This was a record. It's been 5 hours at this point. I'm thinking, "Ok, that's enough. I am willing to cough up the $300 to fix this damn thing. I'm over it!"

So I had it towed to the dealership (at midnight!) , and told them to put a new key reader in when I called them the next morning.

The mechanic said, "Why?"

And I said, "What do you mean, why? My car doesn't start sometimes."

He said, "Well, I've started it twice this morning. Works fine."

Uuuugh. I swear, this car is playing with me! I feel I am being toyed with by an inanimate object. I explained the problem to the mechanic, and said that I am not crazy--the tumbler doesn't read my key sometimes and I really just want it fixed, please.

He said he understood and he would go ahead and fix it. He told me later that he and another mechanic had started it up at least 6 more times that day. No problem. Key turned perfectly every time.

*grumble*

I hate my car.

$300 later, I have my car. Supposedly they are certain they've fixed it. What's annoying is, all the dashboard thumping I did (my "trick" to get it to start) managed to knock some wires loose, and now my dashboard lights don't work. Well, they do. Kinda. I can see my speed up to 70 mph. After that, I can tell the officer I honestly don't know how fast I was going. Some buttons don't work either, but they aren't vital features on my dashboard. Still, it's annoying.

Aaaaaaaaaargh.

So this weekend I was supposed to go to the beach and hit the outlet malls with Brunette, Nurse P and Healthy Girl. But, thanks to my car, this isn't really an option. All my shopping money went to car repairs. So I backed out. It's ok. I would have just spent money I don't have anyway. And 6 hours of driving with the current gas prices doesn't sound all that appealing. (Myrtle Beach is 3 hours each way.) ...and I sorta already had a little mini-spree this month.

So I'm going to stay in town, hang out with Happy Hour Girls tonight, and then hit the gym and take Sammy for a walk tomorrow. MJ got a huge raise, so she's ready to party, too. That will probably be on Saturday night, in addition to tonight, because she's joining us.

KT gave me this huge birthday cake, and while it was delicious, it was ruining my diet. So yesterday morning, I cut it in half and gave one half to a nice, older lady neighbor. The other half I put into a tupperware container and left it on Hot Neighbor's porch with a note. He wasn't home at the time, but he's gotten it by now. We'll see if anything comes of it. I should have waited until he was home, I know. I have left the ball in his court, missed out on a flirting opportunity, etc. But I had to get it out of the house!!

Oh, and for clarification purposes, here is HN in a nutshell: HN is divorced with three adorable little kids. I have now had a crush on him since I met him in November. I don't know how old he is, but I'd guess mid-30s. He's got a young Richard Gere thing going on--a little bit of salt and pepper. He looks really good in plain white t shirts, because he's got really nice arms. He's very friendly and K thinks he likes me. I secretly watch him from my kitchen window, which looks right out on his driveway. He rarely sees me looking good. He's seen me without makeup, which really bothers me. I am ok with the idea of dating a guy with kids, because my dad had 2 kids when he met my mom. This doesn't mean I don't have reservations. I refer to his ex-wife as "The Skank", even though I know nothing about her and I'm sure she's a very nice lady. She gives him the kids every other weekend, and sometimes during the week. He's kind of lonely, I think, based on what he's said to me. And I'm sure he doesn't get to eat yummy food very often. "3 kids? And divorced? Oh, he's in Fish Stick City," one of my coworkers said. This is interesting to me, as I love to cook, yet have no one to cook for....hmmm.

I have daydreams about him that involve several variations of him pushing me against a wall. Sometimes he's wearing a tool belt.....but I digress. (Gee, so much for my Anti-Dating Campaign. How long did it last? Two weeks? *sigh* I can't help it. I've been boy crazy since I was 10.)

Everyone clear now? Ok, good. Next!

More clarification (I think it was Single Guy Blogging who asked me this): When I use the term "hooked up" in reference to a cute guy, I am implying that there is some (if not all) removal of clothing, but not necessarily sex. I don't know what other people's definitions for "hooking up" are, but that's mine. More than making out, but probably less than sex.

Let's see...more randomness. Oh, I've got one. My male readers are going to love this. *rolls eyes* I occasionally have lesbian dreams that involve my friends. Yeah. I've had at least three now. I had one this week. Note: I am not even remotely lesbian, because that would take time away from wieners. I like wieners entirely too much to make time for girls in that way. But I do have these dreams. Does anyone else have dreams like this? Or am I a freak? What do they mean?

I am getting my very first Netflix DVD today. Woot! Season 1 of Nip/Tuck. I am so excited I'm about to wet my pants, people. 3 hours of Julian McMahon..........*drools and gurgles on desk*

I have acquired a stalker. This guy comes into the library and waits for me to come out of my office in the back. Then, as soon as I'm on the front desk, he starts asking me how I'm doing, etc. He's probably 19 and thinks I'm a student work-study or something. I don't think he realizes I'm on par with his professors, authority-wise. The other day, he was waiting outside the building for me so he could talk to me as I was walking to my car. While it is kinda creepy, I don't feel threatened or anything. He seems like a nice guy who is just a little on the clueless side. But it's annoying, so last night, when he came up to the desk and started talking to me, I told him that my boyfriend probably wouldn't like him talking to me, as he has a very nasty temper and jealous tendencies. I think I may have mentioned that he carries a gun, too. So he should probably just move along. He did. Let's hope he got the hint.

Update on the Jamaica trip: I talked to J. She said that she and her fiancee worked out a deal with the resort, so if I book my room between now and the end of April, it's 50% off. So the room would only be $250/night. Since Mack Daddy would go with me and split the cost, this would probably be a lot more affordable.....I'm thinking I might do it. J also said that Mack Daddy can go to the wedding with me and that she really wants me to go. Czarina is against the notion of going--she thinks it will be too much money and that I shouldn't go because J hasn't been the best friend to me lately (see my old post, "The Assholes"). I know we've grown apart somewhat, but we aren't on bad terms by any means. We just have different values as we've gotten older. I still get glimpses of funny, goofy, down-to-earth J now and then. I've known her for so long, how can I not go?

Hypothetical Birthday!!

A meme my friend did on myspace. Since it's almost my birthday, I figured I'd pretend...

Hypothetical Situation: It is your birthday today.
All of the people you care about have come together to make this one of the most special days of your life.
From the biggest dream to the smallest detail almost anything is possible. [Woo-Hoo!!!!!]

MJ & KT-- are you taking notes???? Because this is your cheat sheet for Saturday. Just in case you need ideas for my surprise this weekend.

1. You can wake up in any city. Where are we?
Someplace warm and tropical. Bahamas? Yeah. Sounds good.

2. You have a special alarm to wake you. One of your favorite musician(s) has come to play for you. Who is it?

Yes! So far, my hypothetical birthday kicks ass. I would have either Outkast or Gwen Stefani wake me up. Maybe Dr. Dre. Or RHCP. Or P-Funk. Dang, I can only pick one??? That's hard.

What song(s) do they play for you? -- If Outkast, I'd want something from their Aquimini album (whatever track #12 is). If Gwen Stefani, it would have to be "What You Waiting For?" As for the other musicians, I pretty much like everything, so anything goes. Dang, that is hard. I guess if it came down to it, I'd pick Gwen.

3. You have access to any meal, any chef, or any restaurant's menu? What are we having for the first meal of the day?
It's my birthday, so there are no calories, right? Ok. Breakfast consists of the following: blueberry pancakes, scrambled eggs, bacon, coffee, orange juice, cranberry juice, water (shut up, it's my hypothetical birthday. I can have 4 drinks if I want), chicken biscuits (from Chik-fil-a), hashbrowns and cigarettes. You can sit in the non-smoking section if you want. But I'm having coffee and cigarettes while I wait for my food.

4. A celebrity from TV (or show cast) has come to serve you or join you for this meal. Who is it?

Yes!! This kicks ass. I will have the cast from Sex and the City, thankyouverymuch. They will be in character as they dine with me.

5. After eating you have about 5 hours of free time to do whatever you want. You may choose any activity big or small, what would you like to do most? (Remember it's your day)

I would play on the beach with my dog, go shopping, go scuba diving, go to a spa and get one of everything, go on some kind of ghost tour/historic home tour, rent a convertible, eat an ice cream cone, ride on a really fast boat and make out with Hot Neighbor. Not necessarily in that order.

6. You receive your first gifts. You don't own these items already, but want them most. What are they?
a. one of those BIG iPods. 30 giga-tons of storage.
b. a new bed and matress set
c. hardwood floors for my house
d. a suh-weet digital camera
e. a brand new, state of the art, superduper fast laptop

7. It is time for our last meal before the party, what's the menu?
macaroni and cheese, fried chicken, grilled cheese, diet coke, quesadillas, black beans, steak w/sauteed mushrooms, sweet potatoes, tacos, yogurt, bruschetta with garlic bread, peanut butter sandwiches, nectarines, berries, ice cream, brownies, candy....and more cigarettes.

8. This meal is one you share with the people closest to you, who do you want to join you?
friends and family...everyone i know and love! The more the merrier. Oh, and Hot Neighbor. Because he's hot.

9. As a big surprise, a movie star is here. You and this person are off to visit, film a PSA, and give 100,000 dollars to your favorite charity in your name. Who is with you?
Cool!! In addition to the cast of SATC? And Gwen? Crap, I don't know. I'd probably pick Kate Winslet. I love her. Or maybe Renee Zellweger. NO!!!! I would pick Mike Myers. Definitely. Final answer.

9a. What is the Charity?
Something related to alcoholism, like The American Council on Alcoholism. Or a homeless dog rescue organization.

10. Time for the party. Describe the location or theme.
I have always wanted to go to a masquerade where everyone is in full-on, head-to-toe, super elaborate costume and you spend the evening trying to figure out who everyone is. I'd want it to be sort of a Mardi-Gras theme...lots of peacock feathers and jewels. My costume? Cleopatra.

Hell, yeah. So far, my hypothetical birthday is kicking ass. Onwards...

11. Who is the house band? or what is the DJ playing?
all of the musicians I've mentioned here! Lots of danceable hip-hop, pop, Motown, bluegrass, etc. Some 80s. Some alternative. Every song is either great to dance to or great to sing to. Too many artists to list. Lots of Prince and Nelly, definitely. I will just hand him my brand new iPod which is now full of all my songs. There will be absolutely no jazz.

12. Describe the food spread
Didn't I already go over that? Ok, I guess there's hella food at my party. Seems logical enough. Let's see. I'd have a full, open bar, complete with "near beer" and carbonated grape juice for me. A candy bar (minimum 100 varieties of candy). A cigarette bar. A Quesadilla station. A chocolate table (anything and everything chocolate). An ice cream parlor area--at least 30 flavors and toppings. A bake sale (all proceeds benefitting above-mentioned charity). A fruit smoothie station. One of those guys who stands under the heat lamps and wears a tall chef hat while slicing prime rib. A junk food table (complete with Doritos and Oreos). An ice sculpture of Sammy. The waitstaff will serve the following off of silver platters: cocktail shrimp, mini-cheesecake bites, baked brie, chocolate truffles, chicken nuggets from Chik-fil-a, cigarettes, teriyaki chicken strips on little skewers and vicodin. Vases of beautiful and fragrant flowers decorate the tables. Lots of candles and sparkly things. Chandeliers. Did I mention that the waitstaff consists entirely of ex-boyfriends? Who aren't being paid? And don't get to take home any leftover food? Or take breaks? And must apologize profusely to me every time they see me during the party? Yeah. I told you this party kicks ass. Because I'll have your exes there, too, and they will have to do the same thing.


12. Everyone is enjoying your favorite drink, what is it?
It would be a drink invented that day in honor of my birthday. It would be named after me. It would be bubbly and sweet, like me. It would be hot pink in color and the ingredients would probably include Chambord, champagne and ginger ale.

Did I mention that somehow, I magically look 25 pounds thinner in all the pictures from the party? Because I do.

Did I mention that everyone makes a toast to me? And then everyone breaks out into song, because they've all been practicing on a very funny song written especially for me? Yeah.

13. Tell us about your birthday cake?
Right now, all I can think about is the chocolate-cherry pie filling cake that KT is making for me, so it would probably be that. Or pineapple upside-down cake made by my mom. Or the poundcake that K's mom makes. It has cream cheese icing. Mmmm. No, I think KT will win. Chocolate is sounding pretty good right now.

14. It's time for your big gift, what thing do you want most?
A brand new red convertible!!!!! It would be made by Honda, stick shift, V8, seats 4, has an iPod adapter, tinted windows, killer sound system, tires that never go flat, drink holders that actually work the way they should and gets 84 miles to the gallon....*sigh* This car exists. It's my hypothetical birthday.

15. Finally, before bed, you are given a special gift or jewelry by your significant other which means so much as a symbol of your relationship. What is it?

his absence??? LOL

I don't have a significant other. I'd probably be too pooped by this point to care, either! Although, I'd probably get Hot Neighbor drunk at my party so I could seduce him. *daydreams for a minute*

But if I had a S.O., I'd want a big, honkin' canary diamond ring. Not necessarily an engagement ring. Just a big phatty, blinged out ring. Yellow diamond. Ooh, probably from Tacori. Anything from them, actually.

16. If 15 doesn't fit you or if you and your significant other want someone to join you, who do you take to bed with you? I told you it was a special day! Pick anyone/anything.

Besides Hot Neighbor? Besides Sammy? (I can't sleep unless he's in the bed!) Duh. I would pick Dr. Hunktastic himself: Julian McMahon from Nip/Tuck. We will have lots of sex and babies one day. He's the one who just gave me the phatty ring.

Happy Hypothetical Birthday to Me! What would yours be like? More importantly, am I invited?

Kleenex, Cough Drops and College Stories

Ick. I feel mostly better. Just have snotty nose and dry throat/cough. Mmm. Pretty. So I am currently getting by at work, thanks to facial tissue and the wonders of Honey-Lemon Halls. I'm out of these, which are actually the best cough drops ever in the history of mankind. They taste like candy. Wish I had some....

I am really, really sore. On Monday, after skipping a week of weight-lifting classes, I thought I'd be a badass and go up in my weights. At the time, I was on this big adrenaline kick. The kind where you feel very euphoric. So I was really getting into my workout and decided to push myself. It worked. Everything hurts.

In case you ever wonder why I never seem to reply to your comments, it's because I read them in my email, and then I forget to reply to them in my blog. But I read and love each and every one of them.

I replied to everyone's comments in the 2 previous posts. So scroll on down to read 'em. Sorry I'm such a space cadet, peeps. I am blonde, remember.

So I think I ran over a nail or something yesterday. Yeah, because I don't have enough car problems. My "check tire pressure" light came on right after I heard a funny noise under my front tire while driving. The last time it came on, I had a nail in my tire. So far, no flat, but I need to get it looked at. Awesome. I love my stupid car.

Seriously, I am thisclose to saying "F--k It!" and going to CarMax this weekend and just buying something. Anything. Just get me away from this pain-in-my-ass car. I'm so sick of it. I need new brakes, a new thermostat thingie, the seat warmers don't work, my CD player is starting to act up, I probably need a tire patch, a new key reader, an oil change....ugh. I hate dealing with cars. That would be one of the coolest things about being rich--I would never have to worry about car problems again. Someone else (or my bank account) would handle it for me. *sigh*

Ok, before this turns into the most. boring. post. ever. I will share some more college stories with you. I told Charming about them the other day and she got a kick out of them. So here goes. Another story about College VB.

Time: Spring, 1998
Place: Bloomington, IN

I am in a car with three pledge sisters: Liz, Eileen and Valerie. We are freshmen, looking to buy some beer to drink in a dorm room (probably mine, because I didn't have a roommate). Liz is driving. She's the only one with a fake ID. So we go to a grocery store and she goes in alone to get the beer. She comes back with the beer....and four cute guys. They were seniors living off-campus. They were having a party at their house, and we were the guests. This was apparently decided in the beer aisle of the grocery store while we waited in the car.

So the 8 of us proceed to get trashed. I ended up somehow (Gosh, how did I get in here??) in one of the cute guys' bedrooms. I fell asleep after hooking up with him*. I figured everyone else went home.

So did Liz.

So did Eileen.

So did Valerie.

We all woke up in the morning, surprised to find our girlfriends still there. We had each hooked up with a different guy. So it ended up working out really well! We laughed about that night for the rest of college.

Gosh, I miss those carefree days of making out with total strangers....*sigh*

Ok, next story.

Time: Sometime during my sophomore year...
Place: Bloomington, IN at the ATO fraternity house

My sorority lived at that house, I swear. We were there almost every weekend. At this particular party, I was downstairs in the basement partying. I started making out with a cute guy who wasn't in the house, but was visiting a friend of his who was a member.

We ended up going upstairs to a room for more...uh, privacy. Aside from someone accidentally walking in on us mid-hookup, we had a good time*. I went back down to the party.

I had to pee, so I went to the ladies' room. While in there, I started talking to this really nice girl. She told me she was visiting from out of town and was at the party with her boyfriend. "Wanna meet him?" she asked. "Sure!" I said. (See where this is going? Yeah, how dumb am I?)

We walk out of the bathroom, and she proceeds to make a beeline for the guy I had just hooked up with upstairs. She introduced us, and I mumbled something and got the hell outta there! If I remember correctly, he had a very smug look on his face. What a jerk. I was mortified.

College VB was a fun girl. I miss her. Maybe I should bring her back....?

* And no, I didn't, in case you are wondering, Noseypants. I had a good time, but I'm not that kinda girl.

Sick Day

I'm blogging from home. I don't feel good. Woot woot! Finally got my wish. I was going to go into work this morning, because I had a class to teach. But my car wouldn't start. I took this as a sign that the universe was letting me play hooky today, so I just went back to bed after calling in. I really don't feel good.

My car likes to play this key game with me. You see, the key is worn down and the part of my ignition that reads the key doesn't always want to recognize it. Or the spare key. (The reader needs to be replaced, but I don't want to spend the $300. One day it will stop working completely, but for now, I will take my chances.) So I have to plead, beg, pray and cry to my car for the key to work. And sometimes, it won't. Which means you have to let the reader reset. This could take 2 minutes or 2 hours. Today, I gave up after trying for 15 minutes. And of course, as you can guess, this never happens to me unless I'm in a hurry. I hate my stupid car.

Had a great weekend. Friday night I went out with E and my new friends Tay and S. We have started to make Friday happy hour a weekly event. We go to Wild Wings and have girl talk. This week, we must have really enjoyed ourselves, because we stayed for 8 hours! My butt started to hurt.

E was making me laugh, because she uses this slang I'd never heard before. She and our friend W use it. BBs (Baby Balls) are guys who are under 25. YBs (Young Balls) are guys who are between 25 and our age (late 20s). To hear them talk about the benefits of dating BBs and YBs cracked me up. And now I've started to say it.

You know I embrace any chance to talk about balls...

Anyway, at one point, this really annoying drunk guy started talking to E. He wouldn't go away or shut up. She and I were right in the middle of a conversation, so we found him to be quite irritating. Eventually, I grew tired of playing nice and said, "Are you done? Because you're drunk and annoying and we're in the middle of a conversation. Do you mind?" Just at that moment, a guy friend of ours walked up and we explained our dilemma. It turned out that he was friends with the drunk guy. Oops. Me and my big fat mouth. We apologized to the drunk guy, but our friend assured us it was no big deal--the guy is pretty annoying when he's drunk. Of course, after all that, we felt obligated to talk to him the rest of the night. We never did finish our conversation....

The next night, I went to a birthday party with Stuckey, MJ and K. It was a good time. We had a funny small world moment, though. A group of guests were sitting in the living room, when someone brought up a name of an old friend of theirs. It turned out that about 5 of us also knew him. No one thought anyone else at the party would know this guy, because the guy never goes out. I don't think I know anyone who has less of a social life. So this was so funny to us that somehow, we all knew him. For about 5 minutes, everyone just kept saying, "Wait, you know him, too?" It was very odd.

Sunday, I went to lunch (dinner?) with MJ. We ate grits with fried chicken fingers on top. Mmmmmmm. We had a really nice time. She and I have been spending so much time together, K has started to call her my wife. What can I say? She rocks.

Later on, I went to see Because I Said So with K. Diane Keaton played The Czarina, and Mandy Moore played me. The only difference was that The Czarina doesn't nag me about my laugh, she nags me about my weight. So if you ever wonder what my relationship with my mother is like, go see that movie. It was pretty cute, I must say. Thankfully, my mom, to her credit, would never call me mid-date. After the movie was over, I called The Czarina to tell her that her house was probably bugged. Because they captured her essence on film.

I think I kinda hurt her feelings. She said, "I'm not that meddlesome, am I?" and I assured her she wasn't. But I said she was pretty close. (And I do think that if given the liberty, she would do a lot of the things Diane Keaton's character did in the movie!)

I know this post is boring, y'all. But I don't have much to write about. It's all good in da hood, as they say. I love my friends. And I'm really enjoying hanging out with them. But I do have a secret. A big secret. Which I won't get into right now, for various reasons. But if all things go as planned, I will be making a very big life change in the next few months!!! And I am really excited!!! I will tell you when the moment is right, promise. Or, as usual, you can just email me and I'll tell ya.

Thursday 13

Thirteen: Good Luck? Bad Luck? Who knows?

1. About an hour ago, I had to help a really stinky person. She smelled like cat pee. Ew. What is up with that? Don't people know? I mean, after a while, you start to smell yourself, don't you? Ugh. How do you even get to the point where you smell like that, anyway? Another example of my recent bad luck. I'm lucky I don't smell like that. I'd probably never get laid,

2. Today I tried out this stuff. It didn't work. I was kind of annoyed, considering it cost about $9. My hair isn't the least bit shinier than before. But I'm relieved it didn't alter my hair color. Good? Bad? Eh.

3. You can read all about my Valentine's Day celebration here. For some reason, our conversations were entirely inappropriate for dinner: diseases, guts, sex toys...but we had a good time. I made them CDs and MJ gave me some yummy lip balm and a super sweet card. KT paid for my food. I love my friends. Even when they are totally exhausted. :) Yay! I am lucky to have such super duper girls. But it's bad that we feel the need to talk about bestiality and flesh eating bacteria over dinner.

4. I paid my taxes today. Oh yes, the tax man cometh. I owed the Feds about $50, but am receiving a refund from the state for $171. Woo-hoo, right? Not exactly. It didn't cost me $110 to get my taxes done....so I pretty much broke even. Oh well. Next year I'll clean up. So much for paying off some credit card debt.

5. Last night, my "check engine" light came on. Fantastic. I took it in this morning. Something about the coolant/thermostat system. I don't know. He said it won't leave me stranded and should only cost about $100 to fix, so I can just get it looked at the next time I get my oil changed. Whew. Is this good? Is it bad? I don't know. Maybe it's neutral luck.

6. Anyone out there believe that good and bad things come in threes? Because I think I'm due for a "good" streak. I've paid my dues to the bad luck spirits, I think. For the time being, anyway. Maybe I need to wear my lucky purple shoes this weekend. If they don't work this time, I'm going to stop referring to them as lucky. Last time I wore them, they didn't work.

7. Speaking of luck, did I tell you I didn't buy the house next door to mine, only because the number 13 is in the address? Yeah. Its driveway is waaaaaaay better than mine. Ask me if I'm kicking myself for my absurd levels of superstition. But then again, I'm glad I have a lucky number (17) in my address. It's been a lucky number for my family for years. I'm just waiting for all that good luck to start happening...anytime, now, Lady Luck. Anytime.

8. The girls and I are planning on a weekend beach trip. Since Brunette and I always celebrate our birthdays together (I'm 4 days older than she), we decided this year we wanted to go somewhere. We decided to head to Myrtle Beach and stay in her family friend's house. We are staying there for free--woo-hoo!! We've decided to invite all our girlfriends, too, so it should be packed to the gills. Outlet malls, here we come! This one is definitely the good type of luck. Although, the best laid plans of mice and men....

9. I wish I was sick. I really do! I have tons of sick leave saved up. Just. Sitting. There. I'd love to have a movie day, cuddling with Sammy on the couch, dozing off when the soap operas come on and drinking hot cocoa....my coworker has the flu right now. Her doctor said she can't come back for a week. Some people have all the luck. Then again, I think she's probably barfing right now...

10. Maybe I missed my calling as a cooler. (Is this a good movie? Anyone know?)

11. I've always liked that saying, "The harder I work, the more luck I have." I think that in a lot of ways, it can be true. Do you think you can create your own luck? This guy says people who believe they are lucky are indeed luckier. So it seems you can create your own luck with positive thinking. Hmmm...time to think lucky.

12. On the highway near my house, there is no Exit 112. It goes from 111 to 113. This seems funny to me, as I would have voted to skip #113, rather than 112. I say, skip the unlucky numbers. Kind of like how there's never a 13th floor in a skyscraper. Maybe 112 is unlucky for the Department of Transportation?

13. Time to start surrounding myself with good luck charms (did you hear that bats flying over your head is a good thing?) and staying away from bad luck omens (no hats on the bed!!).

Although, I quite like the attitude of the farmer in this old Chinese fable. Who knows???

Men, Mom and Mechanics, Part 2

You have to read Part 1 (below) first or this will make no sense. Where was I?

Random Drunk Guy had been at his friend T's apartment, but T had a girl in the apartment, and he felt weird hanging around. So Random Drunk Guy left T's apartment and was waiting for his ride to pick him up. That's when I found him. We talked for about a half hour. He was pretty entertaining and an easy target, so I began to tease him and give him a hard time. I can't remember how we got to the subject, but I made a joke about how he should take me out to breakfast. And he took me up on the offer.

(Sometimes I have my crazy, spontaneous moments. This was one of them. What can I say? It was a cute guy and I had no plans and couldn't go anywhere, thanks to my stupid car. I'm good with picking up on creepy vibes, and I wasn't getting any bad gut feelings. And Sammy liked him. So I went with it. I don't normally do this, I swear. But sometimes you gotta live a little. I am not in any way condoning this type of irresponsible behavior. Don't try this at home. Now that I am typing out this story, I can't believe I did this. The Czarina would shoot me.)

I said, "But how do I know you aren't some crazy psycho guy?" and he assured me he wasn't. T came outside at one point to get something out of his car and talked to us for a minute and also assured me I was in no danger. No creepy vibes from T, either. T encouraged me to go to breakfast. I mentally noted the apartment location and license plate of T, just in case. Then I realized RDG was too drunk and half-asleep to do anything anyway. "Yeah, I don't think you could do too much damage right now," I ribbed. To make me feel better, he gave me his driver's license as collateral.

I got ready really quickly and his roommate picked us up and took us to their house so we could drive his car. His roommate, Coffee Guy, was a real sweetheart. They gave me the tour, which included a backyard pool and two adorable doggies. His house is really really cool-- early 20th century, big windows, hardwood floors, high ceilings, old neighborhood. They invited me and K to hang out at their pool that afternoon. Since I hung out there for about an hour, RDG had sobered up a little, and we hit the road.

So I went to breakfast with him. And we had a great time! Well, as good of a time as you can have with a guy who reeked of alcohol and was still kinda drunk at 10am on a Sunday morning. Definitely some flirting going on! He told me about his ex, who was trying to get back together with him, yet was causing all this drama because she was upset about the girl he rebounded with. Apparently the two girls ran into each other the night before, and there was a scene. That's when he left and started drinking at T's place.

I can't believe I am admitting this story. I'm sure I will get a lot of "OMG, VB, you could've been killed!" comments. Even if I were you, I'd be lecturing me: "VB, this is how girls end up dead in ditches!" But it's a great story, I promise! When I get this vibe, it is always a good thing! My spontaneous ideas are all great! (Well, except that one time in Charlotte...remind me to tell you that story...)

He really wanted me and K to hang out with him at his pool that afternoon. I called K and explained what was going on and gave her the RDG's real name and address--see? I am sorta safe. K thought I was nuts, until I informed her that RDG was hot, and then she got it. K was busy with friends, so I told him it would be just me. He waited in my living room while I got ready. When I came back out, he was passed out on my couch. He slept there all afternoon. Which was fine with me. I didn't have anything to do, and I couldn't go anywhere, so I popped in a movie and then watched some TV while Sammy and I also napped.

Around 5pm he woke up and left. But not before he got my number. Yessss!

I don't know if he will call, but we will see. At the very least, I got a free breakfast.

A couple hours later, K came home and I filled her in on the details. She was excited for me. Then we went out with some of her friends for dinner at Yesterday's. (Extremely yummy food, btw.) Who do we see when we are there???

RDG and his roommate, Coffee Guy.

Crazy. I grabbed K and we went over to say hi. Everyone was introduced. After the obligatory "Stop stalking me!" jokes, they invited us to join them, but instead she and I said goodbye and sat back down with our group. We didn't want to be rude.

Yesterday morning I had my car jumped and took it in to be fixed. It turns out it was the battery. So they replaced that. For $150! It sounds high, I know, but I didn't really have a choice--it's not like I could take my car somewhere else--it was dead. It is a factory part, so it's going to be more expensive, but has a better guarantee than regular batteries. Oh well. Then they found a problem with my car--my plenum gasket needed to be replaced. Or else I would be stranded on the highway soon. It was leaking coolant (I had noticed it was kind of low), which could seep into my pistons, essentially locking my engine. Replacing it costs $400. So, with taxes included, I paid $602 when it was all said and done. Ouch. I hate my stupid car. But thank God for credit cards, right? I guess it's still cheaper than having a car payment.

So I'm driving away, and I'm thinking, "Gosh, someone working on my car must have gotten gasoline on their coveralls because it reeks of gas in here!" And the next thing I know, there are all these people running out of the office, yelling at me, telling me to stop my car and turn it off immediatly. Eeek!

My car was gushing gas everywhere. I had no idea! I could have been blown to smithereens! What a brush with Death! I just thought it was some stinky mechanic, but apparently, the part they replaced was a faulty part and it had broken, which allowed the gas to gush out. So they needed my car back to fix that part, free of charge. Finally I picked up my car after work.

As expensive as it was, I'm glad they found the coolant leak, because I am going to Virginia Beach this weekend to visit Fat Dog, and now I know my car will make it there! Sammy, K and I won't be on the side of I-95 on Friday. I can sleep well knowing this.

So I was talking to The Czarina about all my car issues yesterday. She was sympathetic and relieved they found the coolant leak. Then, since she had me on the phone, she took the opportunity to nag me about switching careers and/or going back to school. It's not that I don't want to switch or go back to school, I just haven't decided what direction I want to take. And everything I'm looking at would be a pay cut, so I am dragging my feet a little.

This conversation segued into her complaining that none of her children are following in WLF's footsteps career-wise and how we are all big disappointments. You see, my dad was a writer and a professor, and he was somewhat nationally recognized. He has all these books in our basement--about a 20,000 volume library. No, I am not exaggerating. And none of us are interested in the same career path that WLF had. So none of us want his books or papers, let alone his Rolodex of connections. This has been a point of contention over the years between the parents and the kids in our family. And it always leaves me with a big guilt trip, because my father really made a name for himself and we all have the potential to advance the work he has already done, and all his collegues are looking at us, wondering who will be next, yet none of us are choosing to do it.

As the oldest child, I have a tendency to feel the most guilt for not doing everything my parents want me to do. My brothers can blow it off, but I get really upset about it. So I got off the phone feeling like a huge disappointment, and I was crying because I really miss my dad, and I always hated letting him down. Now that he's not around any more, the only thing I can do for him is to make him proud, so why can't I just suck it up and follow in his footsteps to make him happy? He would have wanted one of us to do it. Why not me? And why aren't my brothers stepping up to the plate?? I feel like I am the only one dealing with any of this guilt. I know they aren't upset about this at all.

The thing is, Fungus is the most interested in WLF's field and up until recently, he was being primed to carry on the family legacy. I say "primed" but really I mean "pressured". You see, this is part of the problem. My parents only encouraged us to follow in WLF's footsteps--every other career was deemed pathetic, stupid or beneath us. So we all grew up feeling this immense pressure to be Poli Sci professors. And this strategy basically blew up in our parents' faces, because none of us are into this idea--we are stubborn and don't like being told what to be when we grow up. (So please, take it from me, don't pressure your kids into any one career path.)

At the time I called to talk about my car, Czarina was upset that her plan isn't panning out. Lately, Fungus is showing signs that he isn't going to ever be like Dad. Apparently he has been partying like a rock star, behaving immaturely and hasn't been the best son to Czarina, and she was upset and venting to me. And of course, I felt responsible and guilty because I am the oldest child who is supposed to be the "good" kid.

I just wanted to talk about my car problems, but we ended up discussing what terrible children we all are. So in addition to the burden of my $602 car bill, I also got a big fat guilt trip from Mom.

Thank goodness I am leaving early on Friday! Fat Dog will make me feel better. He is a good shoulder to cry on about Czarina.

Men, Mom and Mechanics

Just having written that title, I suddenly realize how these three things have something in common: They all require costly upkeep from me.

I had a very fun and frustrating weekend. It's an oxymoron, I know. But you will see.

Friday night I had plans to hang out with The Wild Young'ns: Mack Daddy, J-Rich and JD. I was really looking forward to it, as I hadn't hung out with this particular group of guy friends in a while. I threw on some jeans, put on my new shoes and some bronzer and I was all set. Or so I thought.

My car would not start. Great. I was already a half-hour late. Conveniently, my Weird-Yet-Nice neighbor happened to walk by as I was on the phone, explaining things to my friends. It turns out he is a mechanic. Perfect!

He checks under my hood and says he thinks it's my battery. He could jump me, but then I'd be stranded at the bars. Um, this doesn't really do me much good. We talked about it some more, as he explained what my options were at this point. I thought he said he could give me a ride, and I said "Great!" so I started to reach for the door handle to his car. "Um, I said I could give you a jump..." he said. Oh. I turned beet red. How embarrassing. How presumptuous! I wanted to die. Then, of course, to make it worse, he felt bad, and backpedaled--"But I guess I could give you a ride if you really need one." Good grief.

Just as I was about to take him up on the offer, I realized I should try calling someone else to give me a ride. I knew the Wild Young'ns would be far too gone to consider driving at this point (there is a reason they have this nickname!). K was on the other side of town with her friends. The Nurses were working or sleeping. There was only one person left. Repo.

He works on Saturday mornings, so I knew he wasn't doing anything. I called him. He gladly gave me a ride and even offered to pick me up later that night if I needed a ride home. So sweet. Points for him. To boot, he got to see me all decked out for a night on the town. Yes!

Finally, I met up with the semi-drunk guys. We decided to go to one of my favorite bars, Local's. J-Rich got drunk and wandered around. JD is a huge social butterfly, so he flitted around as well. This left me with Mack Daddy, which was great. Not because I like him or anything, but because this guy makes me laugh my ass off. He and I proceeded to sit together the whole night, busting our guts. We bring out the pervert in each other and just end up cracking up whenever we hang out. We played "Marry 'Em, Fuck 'Em, Throw Them Off a Cliff", which is perfect for two perverts to play because each round was more wrong than the last.

What, you've never heard of it? Oh, it's loads of fun, especially on girl's night out. Any number of people can play and you need no equipment. MJ taught it to me. Here is how you play:

1. Think of three people--celebrities, people you know, people in the bar, whatever. One time I did beer mascots, which was really funny--Clydesdale horses, an eagle or a woodchuck. Ha!
2. Turn to your friend and ask them which one they'd marry, which one they'd fuck and which one they'd throw off the cliff. It gets really interesting if you pick friends or exes! You can torture your friend into admitting secrets. Not that I've done that. I also like to pick themes, like, "80s Teen Heartthrobs" or "Moustaches".

So Mack Daddy and I played it most of the night, and we almost fell off our bar stools a couple times. It was great to share some laughs with him--he just moved to Charleston, so I won't be seeing him as much.

The next morning, I got my car jumped and took it to AutoZone, where they tested my battery. They said it was fine and there was nothing wrong with my car. I didn't totally buy that, but I left anyway, thinking I would just take my car in to my regular place on Monday morning. I figured it was just a fluke that it didn't start.

Nope. It wouldn't start any more after that, either--my jump was a one-time shot. So I was stuck at home all day Saturday. Oh well. Didn't have big plans anyway. I got to catch up on some sleep and watch a movie. Repo came over when he got off work and we hung out for a while. Then I went to bed.

The next morning, I was walking Sammy when I came upon a guy sitting on the curb. A hot guy. All alone, sweating in the hot sun. My curiosity was piqued, and apparently, so was Sammy's. He ran up to him, and the guy started petting Sammy. We got to talking...and I came to the conclusion that the guy was still drunk from the night before. "This should be good," I thought. The rest of my day was about to get interesting.

Anyway, this post is getting kind of long. So I think I will leave you guys hanging for today. I will finish this up tomorrow. Stay tuned for more about Random Drunk Guy, my car and The Czarina.

The Dog

This week has been crazy busy. Two coworkers are on vacation and we have had a ton of people in here. This means I have to help most of the people with their research and questions. Which is fine, because usually I'm bored. It's just taking up most of my blogging time.

David Sedaris was great. W and I hadn't hung out in a while, so we had a lot to catch up on. She had gone through a breakup and had gotten a raise since I'd seen her last. She didn't know anything about Repo, so I had to fill her in on that and my dog hunting. We must have talked a million miles an hour as we drove to Charleston! I really needed some girl-time and this hit the spot. Right before we got there, W informed me that we had third-row seats. Sweet. We got there just in time to sit before he came on. He told some really funny stories and answered questions from the audience. My only complaint was that he didn't talk as long as we all had wished! I can't wait for his next book, whenever that is.

Repo is healing up slowly but surely. He doesn't do well during daylight hours, since his eye is really sensitive to light. But he can drive around a little and he can use a computer for about an hour before it gives him a headache. He went to the doctor on Wednesday who said things are progressing, just slowly. His vision will be fine. Repo has been taking this time off work to do some thinking about his career, so he is job hunting and evaluating his financial situation in the hopes that he can quit his awful job. He is very grateful for all the help I've given him and has been very sweet. He wants to take me out to dinner this weekend, but I'm worried about his financial situation, so maybe we can just order a pizza. I'm exhuasted and really just want to stay in this weekend anyway. These past two weeks have been go go go, so I'd like to just chill out. Do some laundry, watch some movies, that kind of thing.

All week I've been hard-core dog hunting. Watching the ads, browsing the shelters. Still getting pangs of sadness over my broken heart. Sure, there might be another dog out there. Some day. Eventually. But I cannot get over Sampson! He's just perfect for me!

So I called the lady who is selling Sampson yesterday. You know, just to tell her I was still interested in the dog. I ended up talking her down to $450. So I'm going to go buy him tomorrow afternoon after work! *VB jumps up and down excitedly.* And yes, I am extremely excited and could just pee in my pants about this! I have had a grin on my face since I said I'd do it. I can't wait. You should have seen me in Wal-Mart. I was almost skipping down the dog aisle. I bought a bunch of toys and dog treats. I had tears in my eyes when I placed the little dog food bowl and water bowl in my cart. Sammy will be all mine for ever and ever!

I have been waiting to buy a dog for five years, and although it's a little more than I want to spend, I need to go ahead and just do it. The dog is exactly what I'm looking for and I would be heartbroken if someone else bought him. I've wanted and waited for this for too long to let the opportunity pass me by. So I'm doing it. Although, if she were to call me to say that someone offered her the full $600 for it, I would probably tell her to give the dog to them. I'm still pretty broke right now!

I'm hoping that the $250 required by my apartment complex as a pet fee can wait until the end of the month. Not that I'm deceiving them. I'm going to pay it. I just want to pay it.....later.

I still have a couple of small bills to pay this month, but I should be ok. I haven't been eating out much and I have not been shopping. Ok, I bought a pair of shoes. But that's it! (And they were only $17!) I really could use some extra money. I don't have anything I can sell, unfortunately. So I've been thinking about getting Repo's roommates to pay me to cook and clean for them. Sounds crazy, but I'm serious! I just need a little bit of money as a cushion, and they keep joking about how they wish I would just cook and clean for them, so I'm going to see if they are truly serious. I don't think they will do it, though, because I'm a friend to them now, and they might feel weird about it. Maybe I can convince someone else. Stuckey?

Luckily, my car issue is resolved--for now. I took it into the dealership yesterday and they explained it to me like this: Basically, the part of my ignition that reads the key is getting run down. The key reader has these gears inside it. One of them is sticking, so it is having a hard time reading my key, which is pretty worn down. That's why the key sometimes won't turn. They said for me to try using my spare key since it's never been used and is still new. They said the key reader will have an easier time reading it and I may not need to replace anything for a year. Woo-hoo! So far, this has worked. And it didn't cost me a thing! Don't you love it when stuff works out like that? So if you ever have this problem, try using your spare.

Speaking of cars, I was walking out to my car yesterday morning to go to work when I saw a neighbor. He was jumping his car with the help of a friend. I asked him if he needed any help and he said no. I noticed he had a sticker on his car that indicated we worked at the same place. I told him it looks like we work together and had just never met. He's an older man who is in a different department. After some small talk, I told him I'd wait to make sure his car started in case he needed a ride to work. I called work to tell them what was going on and that I'd probably be a little late. The jump didn't work. So he hops in and we are going to work (I'm already 5 minutes late at this point) when he asks me to pull into an auto parts store to see if they are open and sell batteries. Oh....kay. He buys the battery and asks them if they will install it in his car. While they are loading the battery into their repair truck, he asks me to drive by this other place so he can drop off a bill payment. Oh....um, sure. Then he asks me if I will take him back home so the repair guys can come and put the new battery into his car. At this point, I just wanted him out of my car and I was already 15 minutes late, so I did it. Can you believe his nerve? I mean, I offered a ride to work, not to be your personal taxi. Worry about that on your own time, buddy. I ended up being a half-hour late to work. I guess no good deed goes unpunished. Thank goodness my boss wasn't there. I figure it is good karma and I could check off "Completed good deed of the day" on my to-do list. Oh well.

Last night was trivia night with our hostess, D. We are flabbergasted at the fact that each time she asks questions about American Presidents, Seinfeld, professional sports, the Oscars and South America. It's funny. Anyway, Team Heavy Petting did very well--first place--and we won a $35 gift certificate to the restaurant and a free apptizer. Yessss!

So tomorrow is Dog Day. I'm going to veg out on my couch and watch movies while I play with my little Sammy. K and Repo are invited to veg out with me, but I am not leaving my apartment this weekend! Oooh, maybe I can finally get around to hanging up some pictures, doing some laundry and cleaning my bathroom...who am I kidding. I will be taking walks every two hours with my new dog! I can't wait! I will wake up next to my little furball in two days! Yay!!!

Ok, I have to go read my dog books now. Note to self: Buy Dogs for Dummies. Perhaps after trip to Petsmart on Saturday.