Thursday, December 14, 2006

Whorelando

Greetings, my wonderful readers! Just thought I'd update you on all of my travels. Here is what I thought about Orlando, or, as I like to call it, "Whorelando".

First of all, no one speaks English. So I got to hear a lot of what I assume is Spanish. Even though I had no idea what they were saying, it's a beautiful language. I wish I could say that about the clothing choices of the women. What is up with the skin-tight outfits and the boobs out everywhere? I mean, I firmly believe in the "if you've got it, flaunt it" mantra, but these girls took it to the extreme. If I was a guy, I'd want to move to Orlando. I saw more titty than a mammogram machine.

Speaking of guys...I did call The Big Ex to tell him I was coming to town, and he was really excited to see me, but unfortunately he was unable to meet up with me. Why? Well, it seems he got a DUI a few months ago. He can't drive anywhere. As soon as he told me, I thought, "Ok, now I'm starting to remember why you are one of my exes...." But we had a nice chat and caught up. He was really disappointed that he couldn't see me. If I didn't know any better, I'd say he still has feelings for me. He was being awfully sweet on the phone. And he asked a lot of questions about the whole Repo relationship. Why did he care? I don't know. But aside from the whole DUI thing, he's doing really well.

That might be the dumbest sentence I have ever written.

Other than that, I checked out their outlet malls (and I'm sorry, but 20% off is not outlet mall pricing, considering some of the stores were couture--Dior, Burberry, Dooney & Bourke etc.). It was the outlet mall for rich people. I guess they feel the need to pretend like they're poor. I did find an outlet bookstore and picked up 4 books for $20. Since I am both broke and a total nerd, this basically made my day.

The food was terrible. I didn't have a single good meal the whole time. But they were all free, so I really shouldn't be complaining. A small price to pay for sitting through World's Most Boring Convention.

Aside from the weather, the best part about the trip was the hotel where the conference took place. (Of course, with my luck, I didn't get to stay here. I had to stay at the average hotel around the corner. But oh well.) This place was incredible. There is a mini-mall inside this thing. At least 4 restaurants and even a Ben & Jerry's. I've never seen a hotel that big in my life. Then again, I don't get out much. After watching that Stephen King movie, Rose Red, the story about the mansion that "eats" people, I was terrified to walk around this place. I honestly believe I would never be seen again. The alligators would eventually find me and eat me. Yup, I said alligators. Inside the hotel. There were about 20 of them living in the little river that flowed through the atrium, and they looked like this:



Some pics of the inside--the atrium--was friggin massive:







This one shows the castle that is on the inside of the atrium, along with the rainforest, waterfalls, goldfish ponds and alligators pictured above:



The inside of the castle is sort of a mini-museum of real-life sunken treasure found by this guy off the coast of Key West. The boat was an old Spanish galleon, full of silver. The shop in the hotel sells originals and reproductions of the silver found on the boat. My dad bought me some pieces once when he went to Key West--they're pretty cool. You can read about the history and discovery of the Atocha here.

There was a big sailboat in a pool full of goldfish on the inside, too, but I couldn't find a picture of that. Maybe their website (see below) has one.

The pool was incredible:





And just in case you're curious, this is what the urinals looked like:



I swear, the stuff you find on the internet these days...


Seriously, though, if you want to see more, check it out in detail on their website.

On my last day, I did get a chance to have lunch with Party Girl, and it was so wonderful to see her. She told me about the trouble she and her boyfriend of 2 years are having (quick version: he married a girl he didn't know so he could get a green card, he wants to divorce her so he can marry Party Girl, but he can't get a divorce until he gets his green card). She updated me on some mutual college buddies, like Burger, who is an internationally-recognized salsa dancer and tours all over Europe, and Miami Girl, who is finishing up her last year of med school. It was great to see her and luckily, I will get to see her next week in Indy as well.

Tonight is the Christmas party for work, and I'm on the committee, so I gotta run.

I'll be in Indy starting on Saturday, so my posting will get kind of spotty, but I'll have a full report when I get back!

Oh, before I forget, two more things:

1. While I was gone, Sammy pooped in K's bed. Needless to say, she will be getting a very, very nice Christmas present from me this year. I guess he was mad at me for leaving, and decided to take it out on her. Cross your fingers he behaves while I'm in Indy.
2. I cut off all my hair. Ok, not all of it, but it's shoulder-length now. I like it. My coworkers say it makes me look younger, which sounds good to me.

22 comments:

Burg said...

As I was reading and looking at those pictures I was wondering what the urinals must look like in a place like that, and then **poof** there they were! YEA! That's what I love about your blog.. Always complete..

jennster said...

LOL @ the freaking urinals. nerd!
i love these pics!

PirateBarbaraAnn said...

I just wanted to let you know that I was at Bed, Bath, & Beyond this week and they had both loose and packaged loofahs.

Matilda Jane said...

woohooo!
You're back!!!

Gypsy said...

I know exactly which outlet mall you're speaking of. I go there every time I'm in Orlando and almost never buy anything. Although last time I went I did get Lany some shoes for like 80% off.

Welcome back!

cmk said...

Was in an outlet mall like that near Minneapolis. I, too, wanted to know who could actually afford the prices they were charging. I was on the hunt for a Le Crueset casserole--at $129 each (and this is a discount?) they were still too expensive for me!

From what I understand--hubby was there several years ago--the Opryland hotel in Nashville is massive, too. I guess you can take a riverboat ride through the darn place. One of these years I'll get to see it. Looking forward to it, even if I can't stand country music. :)

RWA said...

Now THAT looks like a great hotel. I would go there just for the urinals!

Random Musings Of My Life said...

What a pretty place..
Did you buy shoes? You have not talked about shoes lately are you feeling ok?
I guess we are both nerds the book sale would have made me happy too!

Anonymous said...

You seem shallow. Not from this post just in general.

Anonymous said...

I think the company I used to work for built that place you were at.

What you decribe sounds alot like Miami when I was there a few years back. Its been many, many years since I've been to Orlando but wow, it must have changed alot. I don't remember that sort of stuff there...

--- Its me, Lisa from Midwestern Mommy. Blogger is being mean to me this week and won't let me sign in and comment under my "name."

Anny said...

don't listen! you're not shallow!

Lady Wanderlust said...

Looks like a Gaylord hotel.

NML said...

This post was absolutely hilarious! You are too bloody funny! The poo, the new name for Orlando, the DUI. Thanks for a giggle xxx

Becky said...

lol at the urinals. the pics are great though. that atrium! holy crap! gorgeous!

Mrs Boston said...

VB--I stayed there once! It was nice. But I was sharing a room with my boss you met once....so it wasn't that great.

M said...

an ex with a DUI who can't drive to meet you??
sounds like one of my exes...okay, two of my exes...maybe three...
If he wants to get back together with you, my advice is to
!!! Dump HIS Drunk Ass!!!

Oh. That is not very Christmassy of me. Oops.

Gary said...

I have never been to Orlando, but I would like to go sometime. Not in the summer though. I live in Houston and if I go anywhere in the summer, it is going to be someplace cool. Or cold.

I really like your blog. You write well and you have lots of nice pictures.

Jonathan said...

Merry Christmas

Dating Dummy said...

Urinals. Awesome.

Anne said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Anne said...

Hmm..where did my post go?

Oh well..I will say it again..

WHERE ARE YOU? HELLO?

And Happy New Year. :)

CharlestonGuy said...

The pic of the urinals made me have to pee.