Thursday 13

What I Really Want for Christmas
(Because we can all dream, right? This is a list of stuff I know I won't be getting, no matter how much I hope and pray for them.)

1. A flat driveway. Totally. Flat.

2. Free, totally landscaped backyard, complete with goldfish pond, big grill and a patio.

3. A copy of Amy Sedaris's new book, I Like You:Hospitality Under the Influence. (I know no one is going to get this for me, which is why I almost bought it the other day. I am totally enamored with anything having to do with any member of the Sedaris family. For some reason, my friends and family don't seem to remember this.)*

4. A third bedroom so I can turn it into the home office of my dreams. If that is not possible, then I'd like to just have a big phat desk from Pottery Barn. I'll find a place to put it.

5. Two new tubes of the limited-edition Lancome Juicy Tubes lip gloss I lost. Strawberry Glaze and Pink Horizon are nowhere to be found. And they can't be purchased, either, as they are long gone from the makeup counters. Sounds stupid, but I am really upset about losing these!

6. A Honda. Any Honda. Anything other than my stupid General Motors P.O.S.

7. A griddle so I can make pancakes at home. (Why no one has ever thought to get me this, I don't know. I love breakfast. I love cooking. I love pancakes. Seems like a logical Christmas present to me.)

8. Free, instant and painless weight loss. Somewhere in the vicinity of 35 pounds. Actually, I'll settle for two of the three: free, instant or painless. Any combo.

9. An outrageously expensive iPod, capable of holding as many songs as I want, which will probably be in the 10,000 range. Preferably, this iPod would also be hot pink. Or mint green. And it would come with all the little accessories I'd need to listen to it at the gym, in my car or in my house.

10. Travel!!! An all-expense paid vacation to somewhere tropical. (Am I crazy for wanting to go alone? Who vacations alone? That's nuts, right?) If this is not possible, I'd like to have the financial freedom to spend next summer backpacking through Europe. (I would want to go with someone on this trip, though. Who's up for it?)

11. Another little dog. One who will keep Sammy out of my hair.

12. A gift certificate which would allow me to get one free manicure and pedicure each month, for the entire year.

13. I'm not saying what #13 is. That's between me and Santa. But I will say that it can't be bought in stores.

* I did, however, buy Ricky Gervais' new book, The World of Karl Pilkington and it is a scream. So if you liked the (original, British version) of the tv show, The Office, you will love this book. This weekend, you can find me on a plane, reading that book and laughing my ass off. Don't worry--when I'm done, you can borrow it.