"L" Ready?

Get it? Har har.

I have a cold, and have been vegging out on my couch. That's why I've been MIA. But I feel a little better today, so I'll give you the weekend re-cap.

Friday night was rather uneventful, but Saturday was super fun.

We (me, KT, VW, CN and Stuck) all surprised MJ for her birthday. She had no idea we were all gathered together at her favorite restaurant to surprise her with a night of drunken debauchery. She thought she was just going out to dinner with VW.

We started at The Blue Marlin for dinner (her favorite restaurant) and had a chocolate-raspberry cake from Chocolate Nirvana Bakery for dessert. Mmmmmm!!!

CN felt awful, because as he and I were taking the cake to the restaurant, he had to slam on his brakes to avoid running a red light, causing the cake to fall off the seat of the car and get a little smushed on one side. He claims I was distracting him from his driving, but I deny this. I was merely wearing a low-cut top and patent leather stilettos. I can't help it if touching up my makeup in the vanity mirror almost causes traffic accidents. ;)

In actuality, he seriously almost killed us! At the last second, I shouted, "Sweetie!! That's a RED LIGHT!" He wasn't paying attention, I guess, because by the time we stopped, we were halfway into the intersection! It was pretty funny, because he teases me for being a crazy driver, but now I just say, "Well, at least I've never almost killed us."

Anyway, MJ didn't mind that her cake was a little smushed. She was just enjoying her birthday. She had no idea we were all surprising her or that we got her an ipod for her birthday.

Little did I know, she was about to give me a small surprise. During the course of the dinner conversation, she proceeds to mention that I was messed up on Vicodin on my first date with CN.

"What?" asked CN.
"Gee, thanks, MJ," I retorted sarcastically.
"You didn't tell him? I thought you told him!" she exclaimed.
"Nope. No I didn't tell him about that. But now I have to, I guess!" I said.
"I am so sorry. I thought you told him!" she said.
"It's ok," I said.

And then I proceeded to confess to CN that I was on Vicodin at the time of our first date, but didn't want to tell him out of fear that he would think I have an addiction to painkillers or something. I was worried that he would be upset, but he wasn't. WHEW!

"Why did you go out with me when you knew you were all messed up? Why not just stay home?" he said.
"Because I knew that if I didn't go out with you, you were the kind of guy who would never ask me out again. I had to say yes!" I explained.
"Oh. Well, that's true. I probably wouldn't have," he conceded.
"See?" I said.

Then I told him how difficult it was for me to get ready and focus on dinner conversation when I'm on Vicodin, and he just laughed. I explained to him why I took it that evening and that I don't do it all the time or anything. I also said that it should show him how much I wanted to go out with him -- I spent a good deal of the night feeling nauseous!

MJ apologized to me later and said that she felt awful for letting the cat out of the bag. But it ended up being no big deal, and now he teases me about it.

We went back to our dinner. The chocolate cake was fantastic. After dinner, we proceeded to get MJ good n drunk.

She only remembers bits and pieces of the evening. She doesn't remember how KT and I made fun of her drunken walking. She doesn't remember sulking and pretending to cry whenever someone didn't do what she wanted. She doesn't remember falling down a couple of times. She doesn't remember flashing most of the crowd at Local's as she climbed up onto the bar to receive her free birthday shot. She doesn't remember crashing into a table and breaking several empty glasses, causing us to get kicked out of Bar None.

Needless to say, we all had a really fun time and didn't get home until about 3am.

That's when I got called out again. (What was it? Pick on VB day??) CN and I were driving home when he asked me a very blunt question.

"Hey, when we were at Local's, and you were all touchy-feely on me, were you only doing that because your ex-boyfriend was there? Because if that's the case, it doesn't make me feel good." he said.

Shit. Ummm.....

You see, as soon as MJ said she wanted to go to Local's, I thought, "Uh-oh. That's where Repo goes all the time. He will probably be there." But I didn't want to protest, because it was MJ's birthday. So I said ok, knowing full well what would happen: If Repo was there, I would probably try to rub it in his face that I am in a very happy relationship now.

That's exactly what happened, and that's exactly what I did.* And now, I was being called out on it. Shit. I totally deserved to be called out. I was immature and selfish and behaved totally inappropriately.

So I told him that I was only human and that yes, that was part of it. I told him I pretty much knew what was going to happen once I got there. But since it was very crowded in there, it was that much easier to be physical on the dance floor. My intentions were only halfway bad.

I can't remember exactly what CN said, but it was along the lines of, "Don't do that again. It made me feel like shit." -- a message I heard loud and clear. Commence massive guilt trip. We agreed that maybe we shouldn't go to Local's anymore. Not only because of Repo, but also because CN started to get a panic attack while we were there -- he doesn't do well with crowds.

At this point, not only was I dealing with a massive guilt trip, but now I was worried that I am going to screw up this relationship with my stupid decisions. I am going to ruin everything, because I am a moron. Crap!

So I told him I was going to take a quick shower, get into my pjs and then come over. He said ok.

Twenty minutes later, we were snuggling and talking in his bed. That's when he told me that he's falling in love with me.

WHAT?

Yeah. With me, the immature girl who uses him to try and make an ex jealous, the girl who takes Vicodin recreationally. Is he crazy? I am obviously a shitty girlfriend!

I said, "Um, really?" -- I was so shocked, this was all I could say. I was practically speechless.

"Yeah. I just haven't felt like this about anyone in a really, really long time. I have very strong feelings for you, and I just wanted to tell you because I think it's good to do that," he said.

Aw.

"But.....Sweetie, we haven't been dating that long. That's kind of...soon. I mean, I am charming, and all...." I joked.

"Yeah, I know. But that's how I feel," he replied.

"I really care about you, too. I mean, I'm not there yet, but I'm definitely on my way....are you mad that I didn't say it back?" I asked, worried. (I don't believe in using the "L" word unless you mean it. And even though I am almost ready to say those three little words, I am not quite there yet.)

"Whoa, I didn't say I was in love with you, just that I feel like I am headed in that direction!" he said.

"Are you back-pedaling???" I giggled.

"No. But I do really really care about you," he said.

Aw. Alright, I'm not sharing the rest of the conversation, because it was entirely too schmoopy and sappy, and it involved me crying, so let's just not go there, ok? Ok. Let's just say that the last bit of it went like this:

CN: Are we just going to sit here complimenting each other all night, or are we going to go to sleep?

Me: Oh. *giggle* Yeah, I guess we should go to bed now. I'm pretty tired, and it's probably like 4am.

*smooch!*
*zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz....*

So what do you think? Was CN back-pedaling? Do you think he's in The Big L with me? Or is it too soon? Was I out of line at Local's? Wouldn't it have been weirder if I had ignored CN when we were at Local's? Will I ever grow up and stop screwing things up with CN? What should I do to remedy this situation/loss of trust? And finally, am I indeed going to Hell? Or do I just deserve to get smacked?

Your thoughts and comments are appreciated, as always, dear readers.

* I would like to add that Repo looked like shit. He has gained so much weight since we broke up and he looked miserable! He looked like he was really down/depressed. He definitely saw me with my new boyfriend, and I could tell it bothered him. Plus, thanks to the grapevine that is Columbia, I'm pretty sure he and his girlfriend broke up. And I can't say that I didn't get a teeny bit of satisfaction from that.....ugh, I am terrible, I know. I'm going to hell. I am slowly learning to accept this fact.