The Weekend That Friendship Forgot

I had a wonderful Girls Night on Friday. I met up with T & L (The Teachers). They were the first friends I made when I moved to Columbia. We don't see a lot of each other because they live on the other side of town and they have hubbies and babies. But I'm crazy about them.

I brought my roommate K with me. The four of us were going to eat dinner and then go see The Break-Up. If you have been planning to see this movie and like happy endings, I would recommend that you save your money. It is basically a movie about a couple fighting. To quote Roper, "It's like being on the double date from hell." All they do is fight, and it is depressing and a real bummer. It will just remind you of all your past breakups.

But I digress.

So K and I meet up with everyone. Well, I had forgotten that L has recently grown a second half, much like the School Nurse in South Park. No, I am not referring to her super sweet husband. And no, she's not pregnant. But she does, indeed, have a second half. It's her neighbor, The Frigid Snoot. Frigid Snoot is permanently velcroed to L's hip. About a year and a half ago, Frigid Snoot became friends with L. What began as just another friendship between two adult women has turned into the biggest, most obsessive Girl Crush I've ever seen. They even refer to each other as "my wife". Normally, I would not even notice this as I'm not a jealous friend. (My friend philosophy is The More the Merrier).

But Frigid Snoot is really mean and rude to L's other friends. And we've all noticed it independently. Then we compare notes in the ladies' room. (Even K, who was meeting all of these girls for the first time picked up on Frigid's attitude, without any heads up from me.) Frigid Snoot ignores us until she is forced to talk to us and even then she won't make eye contact or participate much in the conversation. She only talks to L. She has never said anything nice to me or T. Frigid Snoot thinks her s--t don't stink and tries to dominate all of L's time. She seems to resent the fact that L has lots of friends outside of her. For some reason, L is oblivious to all of this.

This is why T and I hadn't seen L in almost a year. And I for one, am sick of it. And apparently so is T because she seems really apathetic about remaining friends with L.

Ok, so back to the story. I had only met Frigid Snoot once before, about a year ago. So I remembered her name and recognized her face, but couldn't remember why I didn't like her. Then, when she opened her mouth, I remembered why.

I asked her where she worked, and it turns out she is an assistant to Dr. Nazi. So I half-jokingly quipped, "Oh! Your boss is Dr. Nazi! I hate your boss!"

Yes, I realize this would put some people on the defensive. But I didn't mean any harm. I figured everyone must hate her. She is evil, after all.

So Frigid Snoot asks why, and I tell her about my very painful mole removal. Frigid completely denied that Dr. Nazi would ever do such a thing without novocaine. Since I was the actual patient in this particular mole extraction, I felt that I was somewhat of an expert about what went on in that exam room that day. We argued back and forth until I just dropped it, disgusted at the lengths to which Frigid Snoot would go just to make me look bad. Whatever.

So she was just a peach to have around at dinner. I took particular delight in telling her that I have a wonderful boyfriend of four months while she has been single well over a year. Maybe if she would break free from L for a few minutes and sweeten up long enough to get a guy to buy her a drink she might meet someone!

Repo thinks I'm jealous. I am. To an extent. I just don't understand why Frigid Snoot is on a mission to prevent L from having any other friends. Can't we all just get along?

But I am not only a victim of bad friendship this past weekend. Oh no. You see, I am just as guilty of being a bad friend as Frigid Snoot. Before you think that this blog is all one-sided and pro-VB (what? no! never!), let me tell you about my most recent screw-up.

Remember the wedding I went to? Where Blonde got drunk? And we took pictures of her? If not, read about it here. Anyway, as I predicted, she saw the photo.

I had specifically selected that particular photo because it was A) blurry, B) didn't show her face and C) didn't show her barfing. I thought I was being considerate about her anonymity. Her name is not used anywhere on this blog. I don't even say what hospital she works at. No one knows who is in the picture. Except me and Brunette. And it's not like my blog is discussed on the evening news or has been forwarded to her family. It's basically unknown to the general populace. The thing is, the only people who know her AND read this blog are Brunette (who was there) and Repo, who would never think less of her for it. He likes her. We've all seen her drunk before. I thought it was just a harmless ribbing of my friend. Sort of a "ha ha! Look at my drunk friend! She's so funny!" I was just teasing her.

Well.....she didn't think it was so funny. In fact, she's pissed at me right now. I knew she might be a little embarrassed, and get sick of the teasing from me and Brunette, but I never ever would have done that to piss her off. Definitely not my intention. I guess I misunderstood her sense of humor. I don't want her to be pissed at me, but at the same time, I fail to see why her panties are all in a bunch. She has definitely been drunk in public before. I'm sure this isn't the only drunk picture ever taken of her. So I really fail to see the big deal. The way I see it, if you don't want people taking pictures of you when you are drunk, then don't get drunk. She was so freaked out about people at the wedding seeing her drunk. But only Brunette and I and a couple of her girlfriends even knew she was drunk! It's not like I'm going to print them out and send them to the Mother of the Bride (who got so drunk at the wedding that she fell off the stage, btw!).

Some of my friends have looked at the photo and said, "I don't get it. What's the big deal? Why would anyone be pissed about that?"

It's not like I submitted it to Girls Gone Wild or something. Is she overreacting, or am I being insensitive?