The Neighbors

I have been meaning to share about my Neighbors. There's nothing like an apartment complex to bring out the weirdos.

Next door to us is The Crackhead. We all avoid her like the plague. She comes off as either really drunk or on some heavy painkillers--or both. I can say that because she is very much like me when I'm on vicodin. Anyway, she's like this all day, every day. She is really nosy and will talk your ear off about her personal life. She never remembers anyone's names. I am going to start telling her a different name every time she asks me what my name is, just so I can mess with her.

She is going through a divorce right now. Surprised? Me neither. I'd put her age at early 50s, but due to her lifelong inebriated stupor, I'm sure she's much younger.

She is a total space cadet. She will leave her car doors open, or her groceries by the front door. For hours. We almost stole her groceries once because we honestly thought she'd never miss them. How funny would that have been? We have seen her sitting in her car, fiddling with her hair for 45 minutes at a time. At 3 am. When she's obviously going to go to bed soon. It makes no sense.

We always know she's going somewhere because she is will be carrying cigarettes, coffee and a big bottle of medicine.

She always asks me if I have been fighting with my boyfriend, because she can hear yelling through the walls. I haven't been fighting with anyone and neither has K, so it's tempting to reply, "No, Ma'am. Those are just the voices in your head you are hearing."

Creepy Nice Guy lives across the breezeway from us. I think he has a girlfriend. But I really don't know what she looks like, because she doesn't come over all that much. I think she is the *ahem* bigger girl that comes over sometimes. She's really friendly and nice. She seems normal. I have never seen another guy at his apartment. I am wondering if the gaggle of girls (including the girl I believe is the girlfriend) who are there sometimes are all her friends?

Anyway, he is really quiet. He's nice enough--he loves Sammy. He makes small talk if I happen to run into him on the sidewalk. But there is something about him that gives me the creeps. He's quiet. Too quiet. He will sit on his patio, smoking cigarettes. But he is so quiet, you will walk right by him and not even know that he is staring at you. He knows my name. He knows my dog's name. Why not say hi? It gives me the heebie-jeebies. He will do this at all times of the day or night. He only talks if he's on the sidewalk. Once he's on his porch, he turns into Creepy Silent Guy.

My other neighbor is Hot Neighbor. Repo is jealous of him, I think. This is stupid to me, because I don't give him grief when he goes to strip clubs. Hot Neighbor (who is now "Only Kinda Cute Neighbor" to Repo) is no threat at all to Repo. He is just nice to look at. That's it. I don't really wish I was single when I see him. Sheesh. Besides, Hot Neigbor has no idea I am alive. He's never even petted Sammy or asked me what my name is. Anyone that doesn't pet my dog is deemed Uncool in my book, anyway. So he's hot, yet uncool. This is not enough for him to be a threat to Repo, who adores Sammy. HN's out of town a lot (not that I keep track of his whereabouts or anything, I swear!) so I think he must have a long-distance girlfriend. Case closed.

Sweet! 5:30. I can go home and REALLY begin my vacation. Bye! Have good weeks, everyone! Wish me luck at the Job Fair tomorrow!