CNversations

I need to do a better job at remembering to share the funny conversations CN and I have. He seriously cracks me up. Other times, I'm stupid and/or deaf, which makes an otherwise mundane conversation hilarious.

A few weeks ago, I stopped by his house when I got home from work. I was sitting on a barstool, talking to him while he was in the kitchen, re-heating some leftovers for me. I hadn't had dinner, and I was starved.

"So, babe, did you have a good day? What happened, anything interesting?" I asked.

What he said: "Yeah. Not much. How 'bout you?"

What I heard: "Yeah. Not much. I love you."

"AWWWWWWWWW!!!! That was so sweet! I love you, too!" I exclaimed.

A look of total confusion spread across his face.

"Um, ok. But I didn't say that," he replied.

We had a good laugh about it. And now, when we are feeling goofy, instead of saying "I love you" we say "How 'bout you?". He loves to say that I hear what I want to hear and that I don't listen, citing this conversation as evidence.

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Every once in a while, CN will be driving around town somewhere for work and he will call me for help. Since he conducts background checks on people, he has to interview a lot of people all over town all day: former employers, former teachers, ex-spouses, etc. Sometimes, his GPS system won't find an address he needs, so he calls me at work so I can look it up for him on Mapquest and give him directions.

Today was one of those days.

"Hi, babe! I was wondering if you could look up an address for me," he said.

"Sure! Let me pull up Mapquest here..." I said, typing. "Ok, what's the address?"

"200 Hardwood," he said.

*pause*

"Wait...did you just say 'hard wood'?" I asked, stifling a giggle.

"Yeah, baby! As in hard wood!" he answered, using a silly voice. I could practically see him doing some pervy hip thrust, complete with the white man's overbite and emphatic arm thrusts.

I laughed.

Then, he gave the obligatory joking reference to his own "member", which I will not share here, much to the relief of my audience, I am sure. (I swear, it is a law of manhood that at every opportunity, a guy is supposed to reference his...member. Men are obsessed with their own penises. Obsessed. It's ridiculous.)

"Good grief," I replied, rolling my eyes. "What pervert named that street?" I said.

"I know, right?" he replied.

I searched for the address in Mapquest. No results.

"I can't find hard wood," I replied, grinning.

[Insert CN's 2nd perverted reference to his member here. Yes, I walked into it, I know. Ah, the joys of dating a fellow pervert...]

"That's ok, babe. I'll just call the guy back and ask him to give me directions," CN said.

We said good-bye and got off the phone. I wonder how CN phrased it...maybe he had to stop and ask someone on the way over there....

Yes, hi, I can't seem to find Hardwood...

I'm sorry, but I've looked everywhere, and I just can't seem to figure out where Hardwood is...

My GPS is telling me there's no Hardwood anywhere around here...

Sorry to bother you, but do you know how to get to Hardwood?

Tee hee. I hope no one yells at him for being a pervert!