Sunday, June 11, 2006

The Neighbors

I have been meaning to share about my Neighbors. There's nothing like an apartment complex to bring out the weirdos.

Next door to us is The Crackhead. We all avoid her like the plague. She comes off as either really drunk or on some heavy painkillers--or both. I can say that because she is very much like me when I'm on vicodin. Anyway, she's like this all day, every day. She is really nosy and will talk your ear off about her personal life. She never remembers anyone's names. I am going to start telling her a different name every time she asks me what my name is, just so I can mess with her.

She is going through a divorce right now. Surprised? Me neither. I'd put her age at early 50s, but due to her lifelong inebriated stupor, I'm sure she's much younger.

She is a total space cadet. She will leave her car doors open, or her groceries by the front door. For hours. We almost stole her groceries once because we honestly thought she'd never miss them. How funny would that have been? We have seen her sitting in her car, fiddling with her hair for 45 minutes at a time. At 3 am. When she's obviously going to go to bed soon. It makes no sense.

We always know she's going somewhere because she is will be carrying cigarettes, coffee and a big bottle of medicine.

She always asks me if I have been fighting with my boyfriend, because she can hear yelling through the walls. I haven't been fighting with anyone and neither has K, so it's tempting to reply, "No, Ma'am. Those are just the voices in your head you are hearing."

Creepy Nice Guy lives across the breezeway from us. I think he has a girlfriend. But I really don't know what she looks like, because she doesn't come over all that much. I think she is the *ahem* bigger girl that comes over sometimes. She's really friendly and nice. She seems normal. I have never seen another guy at his apartment. I am wondering if the gaggle of girls (including the girl I believe is the girlfriend) who are there sometimes are all her friends?

Anyway, he is really quiet. He's nice enough--he loves Sammy. He makes small talk if I happen to run into him on the sidewalk. But there is something about him that gives me the creeps. He's quiet. Too quiet. He will sit on his patio, smoking cigarettes. But he is so quiet, you will walk right by him and not even know that he is staring at you. He knows my name. He knows my dog's name. Why not say hi? It gives me the heebie-jeebies. He will do this at all times of the day or night. He only talks if he's on the sidewalk. Once he's on his porch, he turns into Creepy Silent Guy.

My other neighbor is Hot Neighbor. Repo is jealous of him, I think. This is stupid to me, because I don't give him grief when he goes to strip clubs. Hot Neighbor (who is now "Only Kinda Cute Neighbor" to Repo) is no threat at all to Repo. He is just nice to look at. That's it. I don't really wish I was single when I see him. Sheesh. Besides, Hot Neigbor has no idea I am alive. He's never even petted Sammy or asked me what my name is. Anyone that doesn't pet my dog is deemed Uncool in my book, anyway. So he's hot, yet uncool. This is not enough for him to be a threat to Repo, who adores Sammy. HN's out of town a lot (not that I keep track of his whereabouts or anything, I swear!) so I think he must have a long-distance girlfriend. Case closed.

Sweet! 5:30. I can go home and REALLY begin my vacation. Bye! Have good weeks, everyone! Wish me luck at the Job Fair tomorrow!

26 comments:

unforgiving b*tch said...

happy vacation...too bad I have to wait until the end of july for mine.

Matilda Jane said...

Hot neighbor, huh? Can I come over?
:-P

Anonymous said...

I just stumbled across your blog. To be honest, you sound like a fuckin' asshole. One of those princesses in an apartment building whose shit doesn't stink.

Your shit may not stink but your personality sounds like it does.

Lisa said...

Have fun on vaca! Yeay You. Hope you will post about it later...

And you ARE right about the apartment complex bringing out the wierd and creepy in people...

Lisa said...

You know... I don't know why people feel the need post hateful comments anonymous... You need a site tracker. At least find out where they are coming from...

Kristin said...

WOW! what's with the hate anonymous?

Moving on... I want a hot neighbor! All our neighbors are old or gay or both!

Gypsy said...

I fear we are the weird neighbors in our neighborhood. Not that we're especially weird, but our neighbors are all families with young kids and we're the young-ish couple living in sin who can't seem to find the time to mow our lawn.

Enjoy your vacation!

Christina_the_wench said...

anon needs an enema to get that burr out of their ass. ~ahem~

Anyways, we categorize our neighbors too. You're not the only one.

Red said...

Crackhead sounds like she'd be a barrel of laughs to screw with... Great idea about giving her a different name every time she asks!

Don't you just hate chicken shit anonymous commentors???

The Dummy said...

Hey, hope you're kicking butt at the job fair! And it sure is getting interesting with your neighbor! He must think about the girl next door if he's trying to hard not to acknowledge you. ;)

NotCarrie said...

I need a hott neighbour.

automotivepartslm said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Vixen said...

Hon, you need to get word verification and get rid of all this spam. Enjoy your FAB vacation.

I think Anon is the alter ego of Creepy Silent Neighbour. Just my 2 cents.

stella said...

Screw you anonymous. happy vacation!

NML said...

Have a fab vacation! Your neighbours sound funny!

Lisa Goldstein/Kelly Kelly said...

I love that. Give a different name every time. Good idea for fun.

Hope nobody does that with me though, because I am terrible with names..

--Lisa

Betsy & Arlene said...

umm, the indians that live above us dance (or just stomp and throw things on the floor, we're not sure) and play loud music at all hours. they seem to love not only indian music but the new madonna record as well. sometimes kanye. also sometimes they vaccum in the middle of the night. if they watch a movie, they turn it up all the way and have surround sound so they can pretend they're at the theatre. also they love home improvement and hammer things into the walls early on saturday mornings sometimes!

we hate them.

MoDigli said...

Oh my god - job fair?! ... WOW! And it's wednesday already. So you went.

How was it?? Any good leads? Can't wait to hear about it. Hope it was fruitful! :)

Stephanie A. said...

have fun on vacation!

Samborera said...

I could be Creepy Silent Guy. Apart from the gaggle of gals, I'd fit the bill.

Kate said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
DetoxSmurf said...

My neighbor is a hooters girl. :)

Virginia Belle said...

Unforgiving-- sorry you have to wait so long! but maybe yours will be more interesting than mine.

MJ-- totally! he's just going to waste over here. someone should date this cutie!

anonymous-- trust me, i can assure you that my shit does indeed stink. it's pretty obvious you don't know me or get me because otherwise, you wouldn't have left a comment like that.

lisa--thanks. yes, apt complexes are like magnets to weirdos sometimes. and thanks for the support. why do people even take the time? if you don't like me, don't read me! how do i get a comment tracker??? i am curious to know who this jerkoff is.

kristin- i know! where did that come from? maybe anonymous just got dumped by some girl who lives in an apartment or something. i dunno. sorry you don't have any hot neighbors. you can borrow mine if you want. the catch? you gotta take crackhead with ya! :)

gypsy--you are awesome. i can totally picture you living in your unmowed-lawn house. and i wouldn't have it any other way! if i lived there, i can assure you i'd be the other neighbor just like you. i'd be your partner in crime!

christina-- LOL! you crack me up. thanks for the support.

red-- yeah, she is kinda fun to mess with. one time, a guy pal of mine knocked on her door and asked if he could use her bathroom. it was pretty funny, but only because he was just as wasted as she was! and yeah, i've noticed that all the nasty people are always "anonymous". what pussies. excuse my french, but they are.

DD-- i will post about the job fair shortly. i don't know about hot neighbor. i firmly believe he is not aware of my existance. which is fine. i already have a super sweetie. :) i just need to find someone to date him....(neighbor, not Repo!)

notcarrie--as soon as i take video surveillance of him, i will pass it on to you.

ok, whoever spammed me w/the autoparts comment: do you people just not do ANY research before sending these out? because i can assure you, you are wasting your time. i am not a car girl. at all. ever.

vixen-- yeah, i think it will go into effect as of today. i'm tired of it. i don't know who anonymous is. maybe it's the same asshole that leaves nasty comments on everyone else's blogs. or a bitter, lonely man. what i don't get is, why take the time to say something like that? it makes no sense.

stella-- thanks girl. 'preciate it. he sux. (well, i'm assuming it's a he.)

lisa-- yeah, i'm going to start doing that. but only if i get stuck talking to her.

betsy&arlene-- oooh. sorry to hear about that. bad roomies and neigbors are the worst!!! hopefully you can do something about it. have you tried anonymously calling the cops? i have. works pretty well. i guess i'm a bitch like that. which probably explains anonymous' comment.

mo-- oh girl. i will post about it shortly.

thanks steph!

samborera-- NO! don't be like creepy guy! he's really unnerving. trust me, just say hi. don't stare at people. it's freaky. and smells of stalker.

kate-- wow. you and the car parts spammer must have your wires crossed. you are both spamming people who are nowhere near your target audience. i don't like car parts. i am not a lesbian. much to the dismay of my male readers, i am sure.

detox-- that is awesome. i bet you love coming home! can't you get her to cook n clean for you? i know you are looking for a replacement. tell her you'll give her free rent if she cooks n cleans while wearing her hooters outfit.

somewhere, there is a feminist who hates me right now....

Andy said...

If crackhead does think something is odd, you can tell her that she must be thinking of your twin sister that lives with you!! That could open up a whole world of new fun!! :-)

Sam said...

Dude. The anon poster is an asshat. Really. I see nothing wrong with this post. Dumbass.

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