Saturday, June 27, 2009

Wedding Plan Update

The Czarina left a message on my phone yesterday. "Are you dead?" she asked. "I haven't talked to you in weeks."

No, I'm not dead, but by the sound of that message, I bet I will wish I was when I call you back! I thought. This kind of voice mail means only one thing with my mom: she wants to talk about something. A lot. Please don't let it be my weight and lack of diet and exercise, I thought.

I called her back on my lunch break and told her that yes, I am still alive, how we are moving on August first, how I am not coming up for her annual party this year, and how I still love my new job. Other than that, I'm just busy with mundane things. I did not tell her that most of those mundane things include eating and watching tv, which is why I still haven't lost any weight. Which is the real reason why I am not coming up to see her this weekend. I told her I don't have much vacation time saved up (which is true), but I could have come up if I wanted to.

"That's ok, honey, you need to save your time up to make a trip up here maybe in August so we can go dress shopping, anyway," she said.

"Yeah, I am already dieting in preparation," I replied. LIE LIE LIE

Then she launched into wedding plan mode. We discussed changing the date -- again. Now it is looking like mid-July of next summer, rather than my dad's birthday like I wanted. My aunt won't be able to attend if I get married on my dad's birthday, because she has to work that weekend, and I want her to go. So I guess that is out, because she HAS to attend or I will cry. I told The Czarina how important it is to me that I get a photographer who will take lots of action shots, instead of just lame-o glamour-shot poses. I want an artistic photographer, ya know?

We discussed the bridal party. "Actually, Mom," I explained, "I was thinking of not having a bridal party."

*huge pause from The Czarina*

"But you have two sisters," she said flatly. Her brain was saying in a robotic voice: Does not compute. Does not compute.

"Yeah, but....I was thinking....and CN doesn't....." I tried to explain. I could hear her irritation over the phone.

"Ok," I surrendered.

Somehow, now I have 4 bridesmaids. When I didn't want any. It's no offense to my sisters, I swear! Well, ok it is a little bit. My older sister might think I would be rubbing it in her face that I'm getting married and she's not. (Yes, she's like that.) So I just don't really want to even go there with her. No bridal party = No pissed off older sister. And although I love my MJ to death, I know she doesn't like being a bridesmaid any more than I do. She's totally not the type of person who would be upset about not being one! She would be relieved!

Add to that the CN is such a loner, and he doesn't have any brothers. So who the hell is he going to have as his groomsmen? My brothers? So the entire wedding party consists of my people, and none of his? That is so lame. I don't want to do that to him.

Actually, one of my big worries is that the wedding will be all about me and my mom, and not about CN or his family. Most of his family lives in Alabama, and asking them to go to a wedding in Virginia is a lot. CN doesn't have a lot of friends, and they are all in South I am picturing a church that is totally lopsided -- everyone on my side of the church. Ugh. That is so not how I want it to be.

The Czarina told me one of her friends recommended a wedding planner to her. I told her I purchased a wedding planning book, but it is now lost somewhere in my overstuffed apartment and that I was going to start officially planning when we move and unpack. This was no excuse for her. Shocker.

She wants me to get cracking on things.

"Look, I want a guest list. We need to know how big this thing is going to be, because we may not be able to fit into the train station if we get more than 150 people coming to this thing," she told me. (The old train station in my hometown has been converted into a perfect place for wedding receptions, but it's not a huge building.)

"Mom, I can't make a guest list until I know what my budget is," I replied. Holy cow! 150 people?? I was thinking like....75! I thought. Oh dear...

She told me what she was planning on chipping in. I was relieved to hear it was not a lot. I do NOT NOT NOT want a big wedding. I have enough debt and I don't want a dog and pony show where half the people attending don't even know me. No, I have not figured out how to get tons of presents despite holding a small wedding. I need to strategize for maximum gift receiving, despite a tiny guest pool. Hmmm...

We are going to save a ton of money on food, because we are going to serve BBQ. (For those of you who are not Southern, no this does not mean hot dogs and burgers from a grill. I am talking about a good Southern buffet -- pulled pork, baked beans, tater salad, biscuits, fried chicken, shrimp and grits, etc.) This is what Mom, CN and I all wanted, so that was an easy thing to decide! Mom wants to reserve most of the money for the band and the alcohol, which is exactly what I wanted to do. I want all my guests drunk and dancing, much like a frat party. Again, another easy decision. So we are on the same page for much of it.

"And when is this jerk planning on proposing to you, anyway?" she half-joked. "I am sitting here, looking at this ring and it's gorgeous."

"Mom, you are not supposed to be telling me anything about the ring or its whereabouts. You will ruin the surprise. Besides, CN said that he is waiting until we move before he does that. We have a lot of things on hold right now until we move," I explained.

Things on hold include: wedding proposals, wedding planning, buying things bigger than a loaf of bread, exercising, organizing, cleaning, major cooking and doing anything other than watching tv at home. Because we live in a sardine can. Everything has something on top of it, so there are no places to spread your legs, your papers, your projects, your cooking implements, your books or your board games.

I was kind of mad at her for saying this, actually, because I was secretly hoping that he had somehow already gotten the ring from her. (She was in Charleston, SC a few weeks ago, just by coincidence.) Then again, maybe that is a red herring....hmmm...I wouldn't put it past her.

Anyway, I guess I need to get going on this wedding planning stuff. But I have mixed emotions:

33% of me is thinking, "COOL! This is actually happening!"

33% of me is thinking, "OMG. Nononono. Elope now, while you still can. You will kill your mother if you don't."

34% of me wants to boycott this whole thing until I get that damn ring on my finger. I am tired of explaning to people how I am only partially-engaged. I'm trying so hard to be patient, but let's face it. That's really not my forte.


cmk said...

When The Youngest FINALLY decided they were going to Niagara Falls to get married, I yelled out a very loud "YIPPEE!!!!!!!" They were living in another state and The Family lives 100 miles from me, so it would have been a MAJOR decision just to decide where the wedding would take place. An extremely small wedding in the smallest Wayside Chapel turned out to be the best and nicest wedding I have been to. And the cost was nice, too. ;) Good luck, my dear.

Smug said...

I know it is not easy but you HAVE to put your foot down with your mother on the wedding stuff.

Your wedding is just that - YOURS and CN's!! When we got married we had talks with each of our parents telling them this was our wedding and while their opinions were valued and any money they chose to contribute would be great, but the only people making decisions would be us!

They all actually took it very well and we did not have any problems out of them after that.

I also live in Virginia, so I get that we are are born to respect our elders and be polite to a fault, but your wedding is a once in a lifetime event and it should be everything you and CN want - no one else matters!!

I am going to have to have anohter such talk with the parents now that I am pregnant, as they are already suggesting names, decor ideas, etc. My baby is mine and my husbands, not theirs!!

I think you can tell, I feel very stongly on this subject!

Also, I can recommend a wonderful photographer here in Virginia if you are interested!

Capricorn Cringe said...

Smug is right. I hope you can figure out a way to keep your mom in check and keep your sanity, too.

You could tell your mom that you had your heart set on (insert any friends name here) and you ONLY want 2 bridesmaids, so you are choosing another friend so that you don't have to choose between your sisters. (Unless your sisters already know they're included at this point)

Both of my sisters chose a couple friends and both said they didn't want to choose between sisters. Which I think was probably a lie, but a nice one :)

Christina said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Becky said...

um, how did i NOT know you were engaged?! why is this news to me?! where the EFF have i been? congrats!

your mom is nuts btw lol

LK said...

Dude, just ran across this blog and thought you might be interested. Check out her blog roll - lots of money-saving wedding ideas.

teahouse said...

Hey, congrats again on your semi-engagement. When CN delivers the "official" proposal, it's going to be great!

The Husband and I both put our foots (feet?) down with our parents, and we had a really great wedding that didn't cost us an arm and a leg. Another thing to keep in mind is that guest lists really blow up enormously! For example, 75 isn't a lot of people but at our age, lots of people are paired up so 75 can easily turn into 150!

Christina said...

hope the wedding planning is going great, VB! :)