Monday, June 11, 2007


As you can probably tell, my life is still fairly ho-hum. But I can provide you with some interesting observations from the weekend.

Friday night, I met up with KT and got to meet her new boyf. I will call him Scary, because that is pretty much everyone's first impression of this guy. His main hobby is competing in weight lifting contests, and he's bald. He's also about 6'3". Ever go to a bar and you see that one guy, and you look at him and think, "Ok, I am NOT going to piss him off!"? -- that's KT's Scary. He is, for better lack of a better term, massively ripped. So I'm sure you've got an accurate picture in your head now.

I arrived at the Flying Saucer (a popular bar here in town), somehow beating KT there. I noticed there were lots of cuties around, and I think I was getting the eye from a group nearby. WOOT! Five minutes later, she arrived. We chatted for a bit while we waited for Scary to park the car. There were lots of guys in the bar, and I was in the mood to flirt with strangers.

Once Scary arrived, I saw how not only the dynamics of the bar changed, but so did my abilities to catch guys' eyes. Oh, they approached us. They just didn't want to talk to me. (Ok, pick your jaw up. Shocker, I know. How different than usual....riiiiiiight.) They wanted to talk to Scary. Random guys kept approaching him and asking him for workout/diet advice. One guy even walked up to him and said, "So, how does it feel to be the biggest guy in here?" -- understandably, Scary was kind of annoyed by all of this. He just wanted to drink some beer and relax.

This is when I began to wonder: Is Scary unintentionally cock-blocking me? Not that hotties line up in bars to hit on me (ha! I wish!) , but the two guys I saw checking me out when I arrived had disappeared instantly from the moment Scary showed up. This was a relief to Almost Girl, who would have no earthly clue what to do if a cute, normal guy (presumably one who also shared lots of her interests and hobbies, too) actually asked her out on a real date.

So I guess I'm asking all of my normal, presumably non-body-builder male readers: Would you approach a single girl if her friend's boyfriend could beat you to a bloody pulp in an instant? Keep in mind, most of the night we were in a booth and KT and Scary exhibited body language indicating they were dating, and I was across from them, all by myself. Was Scary cock-blocking me?

*Special note to KT, who I know is reading this: I think Scary is a sweet guy, and I am NOT mad about anything. So you can just stop thinking that right now. It's all good in da hood. I'm just making conversation with my readers. Just a thought I had when we were sitting there.*

Now that I have clarified that to KT, I will move on to my next male/female relationship observation.

Yesterday, B & E invited a bunch of people over for a cookout. All the girls were sitting in chairs in the driveway, talking, when B informed us that another couple (I will them Mr. and Mrs. Chemical, since he works with chemicals) would soon be joining us.

E said, "Oh boy. I can't wait. I just love her so much." -- very deadpan.

"Whoa. What's the problem?" W and I asked.

"Did I ever mention Mrs. Chemical to you guys?" she said.

"Mrs. Chemical....." I said, trying to place the name.

E reminded us. Yes, she had mentioned her before. Apparently, one night B & E met up with the Chemicals for dinner. As they were being seated, B muttered something which ticked E off. It wasn't anything major, just an ongoing tiff they had been having. "Oh, B, please. Don't do that now. Please. Just stop," E said. And that was the end of it -- they ended up talking about it after dinner on the way home. No problem, not a big deal.

Mrs. Chemical turns to E and says, "Next time, why don't y'all keep the drama at home, ok?" and went back to reading the menu.

As you can imagine, this didn't sit too well with E, who had just met her that very evening. And since it was just a tiff and they didn't even continue the conversation at the table, E really felt Mrs. Chemical was out of line for saying that. And I have to say, I agree. So E is not what you would call Mrs. Chemical's Biggest Fan.

Butter confirmed that yes, she was a major bitch in general, and this was just one of many incidents she and E had had with Mrs. Chemical since meeting her.

"Oh, man, I don't want to meet her!" I said.

Unfortunately, Mr. Chemical is good friends with B. And now that Mr. Chemical's married, Mrs. Chemical doesn't let him hang out with his buddies anymore. (Oh yes, she's one of those wives.) She thinks that B (and all the other guys) are a bad influence on him because B does like to do admittedly stupid things when he drinks. It's nothing harmful, like drunk driving or fist fights, but more along the lines of stupid tricks which can land you in the Emergency Room. Give a guy horseshoes, darts and large quantities of beer and yes, you will see some stupidity in about 2 hours. That's just how guys are. It's no reason to forbid him from hanging with his buddies.

So it's a big deal that Mr. Chemical can even hang out. He must have been on good behavior, because his wife let him out for a whole 2 1/2 hours to play with his friends.

True to her reputation, W and I are introduced to Mrs. Chemical, and she is most definitely caustic. (Ok, that was a bad joke, I know.) She flopped down into the remaining empty chair, arms crossed over her chest, making little to no eye contact with us and refusing our offers of food and beverage.

It was 6pm and 98 degrees. I know the bitch was thirsty. It is impossible to sit in 98 degree weather in SC and not drink something. Plus, it was dinnertime, and we were grilling out burgers and dogs. Who doesn't want to eat that? Apparently, she was too good for our food, beer and cokes. "Oh whatever, I hope you shrivel up and die, anyway," I remember thinking to myself.

Getting her to talk was even worse. We received one-word answers, negative statements and no inquiries in return. It was like pulling teeth, really. I had to bite my tongue from just opening my big, fat mouth and shouting, "WTF is your problem, anyway? If you don't want to be here, then why didn't you just stay home?" I think that if I ever have to be around her again, I might just actually say that to's a good thing I don't drink, because I seriously would have probably said that if I'd had some beer in my system! It soon dawned on me that she was only there so she could "babysit" her husband and make sure he didn't do anything "wrong".

At one point, W and I were in the kitchen alone, and she said, "Wow, isn't she charming?" to which I replied, "Oh, she's just a peach." We tried to figure out what her problem was while we picked at the cookies and brownies, but we gave up and went back outside.

Meanwhile, her husband, Mr. Chemical? Super sweet guy. Very normal and friendly. He seemed really excited to be there, and enjoyed all the food and beer he could handle. We talked about our careers and dogs (they have a Weimaraner) -- and the more I talked to him, the more I was confused as to how on earth he could be married to such a frigid bitch. She barked orders at him, announced when it was time to leave, was rude to his friends.....Seriously, it made no sense at all that they would even date, let alone marry. Perhaps it's because they were high school sweethearts and he just doesn't know any better? Perhaps he's sticking around, in the hopes that one day, she will give him his balls back? You can't tell me the sex is good. I would never buy that.

All I know is, while I don't approve of cheating, I could kinda understand if he did cheat on her one day.....I mean, imagine what she must be like at home, behind closed doors! Imagine having to live the rest of your life with someone like that. Some women believe in nagging and yelling at their men, thinking they know what's best for them. (I'm not talking about normal nagging, PMS or bad moods, I'm talking about the women who are ALWAYS on their man's case, 24/7, to the point where their friends constantly tease them about it. The women who make their guy feel like he can never do anything right.) And I see these women get results (ie, boyfriends, husbands, "well-trained" men, etc.). But I could just never get serious with someone for whom I have so little respect. I do not understand this behavior in women. And I do not understand the men who never tell these women to f--k off. I feel sorry for the men, but at the same time, it's their own fault for never sticking up for themselves. The whole thing just baffles me.

And to be perfectly honest, I don't want to be with someone who requires that much effort on my part! Am I nuts? Or just lazy? LOL

Observing her behavior, one thought kept running through my head, over and over: How are you married to a super nice guy, and I can't get a date? What is wrong with the Universe?

Do you know couples like this? What do you think? Can you explain this behavior? Because I don't get it! Guys, have you ever dated girls like this? If so, what happened? How did it get like that? What made you end it? Or marry her?


Jonathan Zero said...

Yep, I have one friend that is married to one of these women. We even warned him not to marry her but he thought he was doing the right thing since she was pregnant. Almost 10 years later and 2 more children and one hell of a lousy marriage in which I think there has been cheating on both sides, he says they are divorcing but he has been saying that since last December. He is apartment hunting and it is only matter of time. While I feel for him and this bad marriage I can only go so far since he really has done little to get out of it.
And yes, I was in a relationship like this as well back in college. She didnt care much for my friends, thought my D&D playing was stupid and wanted me to be more like the man of her dreams which after we broke up, she ended up marrying. And yeah, I ended it because I wanted more but then I pined for her when she started dating again, oh I'm sorry, sleeping whatever came along. And no I am not bitter, anymore, hehe.

coffeesnob said...

if there's one thing men like it's being baby-sat.

Phantom Hater said...

As for Scary, I've never aspired to look like that, so I definitely wouldn't be asking him for work-out advice. You never know about cock-blocking. A guy might have thought, "Oh my god, is that her brother? He'd whip my ass!"

Most of the truly jacked guys I know are pretty friendly (except the ones I call "'Roid Midgets"). A booth is kind of an awkward place to approach someone when they are sitting with another couple, although in this case I would direct the wingman to pump the meathead for some Creatine tips while I went in for the kill. Of course, I use the word meathead in the nicest possible way so I don't end up as a stain on the bar floor.

Every guy has probably dated a woman like Mrs. Chemical at some point. The thing is, it always backfires. The more you try to take a guy's independence, the more he craves it. It's suffocating, and it's the same with guys who try to control their gf/wife. You could hypothesize that the guy did something at some point to warrant her behavior (like cheating), but in that case they both should have just got the f out of the relationship.

Alison said...

My sister-in-law is like Mrs. Chemical when she's around certain people. But, get her around people she likes (read: HER friends) and she's a totally different person---nice and sweet, fun to be around, and PLEASANT to her husband. I guess he just puts up with the "bad" times...maybe because they have children.

lenfercestlesautres said...

No, I don't understand and I'd never accept such a behavior.

teahouse said...

Ha..that's funny that we both posted about caustic wives today...

Truth is, who knows what their relationship is like behind closed doors? Maybe he lets her act like that in public because secretly, he beats her.

Celebrate Woo-Woo said...

Dixie pointed me over here last week.

I haven't read the book, but I know others who have, and I believe that "Why Men Love Bitches" would probably answer a lot of those questions about how women like Mrs. Chemical capture the attention of nice men while other women can't find a man to date, let alone marry. Apparently there's a sequel, "Why Men Marry Bitches", and that one might just clear everything up. I must say that I have no desire to win a man over by becoming a bitch.

patti_cake said...

I hate to admit it but people probably think that about the hubs and me. All I can say it she's showing one side to you all, maybe there honestly is another, much nicer side she's keeping WELL hidden LOL
I know there is with me.

Gypsy said...

Who knows why people gravitate toward the people they do. Kinda like how some perfectly lovely women end up married to evil trolls. It's a crazy, mixed up world.

RWA said...

OK, first thing...No, I'm not even thinking about talking to a girl when her friend's boyfriend could kick my ass. It's not going to happen.

Second, I have a very good friend who is marry to a guy who is just like "Mrs. Chemical." It makes me sick to see her in that situation, but I don't know what to do.

Fluffycat said...

The thing about Mrs. Chemical is that she gets away with it, that Mr. Chemical must like it on some level. Sometimes you never know what works for other couples. Maybe he feels like he deserves being married to a beyatch.

Jess said...

I don't understand the women like Mrs. Chemical, nor the guys who marry them. I can't imagine telling a boyfriend he couldn't do something or feeling as if I had to tag along with him to babysit.

Guess it works for some people, but that is not the relationship for me.

Stuck said...

As a reforming bitch-dater, I can answer the question in two words: Amazing Sex. There's no other reason to date them, really. They try and isolate you from your friends. They try to control every free moment you have. But they are flat-out incredible in bed. So you build up all that animosity and let it out in the bedroom... and then you forget about all that animosity.

cmk said...

I don't THINK I qualify as a bitch/Mrs. Chemical, but I can say that EVERYONE--including our daughters--have ALWAYS thought I wear the pants in our household. WRONG!!!!! My husband is the sweetest, nicest, most pleasant person you can come across, but NOTHING has ever happened in our house that he hasn't allowed to happen. He only lets ME see his temper, stubbornness, moodiness. (No, he isn't abusive in any way.) If he didn't want one of the girls to do something, it usually was up to me to tell them 'no,' or if he didn't want to attend a family gathering, it was me who made the 'sorry' phone call. He doesn't like confrontation and wants to always be the nice guy, so I always was the bitch--I guess someone had to be. :) This is my role in life.

Virginia Belle said...

wow, sounds like we are all encountering women like Mrs. Chemical!

PH, as usual, you are great at providing me with insight into the male mind. i never realized that about makes sense.

teahouse -- i know it's wrong, but your comment made me laugh!

celebrate woo-woo -- hey! welcome! yes, i know of these books. and while, like you, i have no desire to utilize uber-bitch tactics to win over a man, i am kind of intrigued, in a way. maybe i will read them out of curiosity....

patti cake -- WOW. maybe that's how it is w/mrs. chemical. i love that you admit to it! snap that whip!

gypsy-- yes, it does indeed go both ways!

RWA-- thanks to you, too, for the male insight. it is making sense to me now. good to know i was fairly right with my gut instincts.

fluffycat-- YES! that is a good point! maybe he feels like he owes her something....perhaps he messed up in the past. or they have a sado-masochistic relationship???

jess -- i'm with you! that relationship wouldn't be fun for me at all.

stuck -- a-HA! i knew it!!!!

cmk -- i think there's a difference between being a bitch and wearing the pants. Czarina wears the pants. but she's not a bitch. she's just the one who gets stuff "done". because like you said, someone has to.

FRIGGA said...

I doubt their relationship started that way. As he was getting more comfortable she was getting more bitchy and it was just easier to go on to the next day than to rock the boat. Sorry for the run on sentence.

And booths are a major no no if you want to be hit on. Those tall round bar tables are perfect. ;)

M said...

Mrs Chemical is bitchy? In my mind that is further proof that guys want mean and controlling women as wives.