Thursday, January 03, 2008

Gym-Nauseum

Ugh. Going to the gym now makes me want to barf.

Not because working out really hard makes me barf, although that is true.

Not because I'm hating the whole process of getting back in shape -- on the contrary, I am excited about it.

What makes me want to barf when I go to the gym is the fact that every time I cross the threshold, I now risk running into any or ALL of the following former romantic interests*:

Dr. Seuss (a guy I used to date who ended up being a total wack job)
Fed Sucksy (a guy I used to date who stood me up, only to refuse to apologize or explain later-- asshole!)
Small World Guy (a guy I sorta dated for a bit, but there was no spark)

and the two newest additions--

Hot Neighbor (who has moved, btw) and.....

Repo.

Hoo-fuckin'-ray. It's official -- every guy I have dated or liked in this town now goes to my gym. I saw HN there 3 days ago and then ran into Repo last night. Oh. The. Joy.

Look, I know Columbia isn't that big of a city, but DAMMIT does everyone have to join my gym? There are several other gyms they can go to!!!! The true irony is that the only guy I want to see at the gym, CN, goes to a different gym than I do.

What used to be my aerobic oasis, my sanctuary of sweat, has now become a place of dread and awkwardness. It is only a matter of time until I do something to embarrass myself in front of one of them. I have never been known for my athletic abilities, let alone my coordination. I work out with dirty hair, little makeup and old t-shirts! This is not the way I want to look in front of former flames! AAARRRGH.

Oh well. I guess this should motivate me to work out extra-hard, right?

Maybe they are all stalking me. Ha ha!

Ok, yeah, that's probably not the case. I just have bad luck.

My membership runs out in a year. I am counting down the days.

* If you want the back story on these guys, just search this blog for their names. Or click on the tags below.

15 comments:

Meghan (The Declaration of MY Independence) said...

Not Repo!!! WTF?!?!?!!? I HATE HIM!!!!!

Matilda Jane said...

ha ha ha.... *stifled* huh huh

Stuck said...

So why not just go to a different gym with the same company?

Becky said...

repo? oh lord. find a new gym!

Megan said...

Time to bail on your current gym!

Virginia Belle said...

meghan-- oh, yes, meghan. he's baaaaaaaack. please -- kill me. i'm begging you.

MJ-- i hate you. :P

Stuck -- yes, i thought of this option. there is another branch of my gym in lexington. but there is SO much traffic over there! besides, i was there first! something in me doesn't want to admit defeat -- i'll be damned if he gets the good gym!

becky & megan -- yeah, tell me about it. i'm hoping that maybe he was just there last night on some sort of free trial pass or something.

RWA said...

Don't worry about them. There is a reason they are your EX-boyfriends.

You have CN now. It's their loss.

The K Life said...

GAH, REPO!! gessh i had forgotten all about him. well yucky for that. i am also getting back to the freakin gym in the spirit of the new year. as soon as the germans leave, which is monday. :)

so what kind of phone did you get?

M said...

Funny you should mention this! I need to pick a new gym and there is one in particular I am avoiding because of a guy. (we didn't date, he wasn't my bf, we just slept together then he sucked me dry with his on again off again attention and need...)

Smug said...

You might check into what it would cost you to leave your current contract. At my gym it is only like $30 to end the contract early, and that way you could join CN's gym. An even better idea, might be to get CN to join your gym, your two can workout together (which can be motivating) and all those ex's will see you happy with someone else. This will be such a blow to them that they will take flying leaps off tall buildings, thus solving your issues with them for good!! :)

teahouse said...

Wait, so now I'm confusing HN with CN. I thought CN was your neighbor, too..was there another neighbor?

Yeah, your city is big enough that you can switch gyms. Get thee out of there, girl! Bad karma there!

When Darkness Falls... said...

Repo? Yuck! Hopefully his new years resolutions won't last long. If so, I would switch gyms. Although Smug is right. It would be great to have CN work out with you while all the ex's watch! :)

Virginia Belle said...

rwa-- yes, you are right! that is what i should keep in mind.

the k life -- i feel your back-to-the-gym pain. literally! i got a motorola krazr, and it's not as user-friendly as my usual nokia. there are some features that i like better, and some that i think are worse. but it is pretty cool looking! sleek and blue.

m-- uck. i would definitely try to avoid that guy at all costs! don't join his gym!

smug-- while i love your plan of action, unfortunately, it would not work. (i especially like that part about leaping off of buildings!) my gym charges an arm and a leg for early termination. and it's not in CN's best interest to join my gym because he gets a discount at his gym (via his job). the discount would not apply at my gym. so it sucks, because he and i really would like to work out together. :( when the weather gets warm, we can go for runs in the park, though.

THB-- Ok, just to clarify: at first, i had a thing for HN, the guy 2 doors over. but then he got sketchy on me, and he moved. around the same time, i started talking to CN, who lives across the street, and so i am now dating CN. HN is out of the picture entirely. perhaps i should change their names, to avoid confusion? anyway, it costs too much money to switch gyms. :( i'm stuck!

when darkness falls -- trust me, his new year's resolution is more like a new week's resolution! har har! um, well, hopefully....

Phantom Hater said...

There was actually one post in which you were talking about Hot Neighbor, but tagged him as Cute Neighbor, which may have added to the confusion. I go over your blog with a fine-toothed comb.

When you mentioned Dr. Seuss, I felt inspired and composed a quickie Seussian rhyme a la Green Eggs and Ham in honor of the exes in your gym...

I do not like you in my gym.
I do not like to see you, or you, or he or him.
I do not like you in my spin class.
I do not like to see you flex your biceps, triceps, pecs, or ass.
I would not like you in a boat,
I'd like to shove a barbell,
down your throat.
I do not like you in my gym.

Christina said...

i am new to the blog so i was clicking on the ex-boyfriend tags. the blog about a fat-ass kicking you wished that every guy you ever dated went to your gym bc it would be a great motivator. that is so weird. ok, just thought i would share. i. am. a. dork. :)