Monday, March 10, 2008

Ironic Ending

Thank you, everyone, for all the nice comments on the last post. CN was bummed about his cousin. On Thursday night, he asked me to come over, because he didn't feel well. He had a fever and was dizzy and his tummy was upset. He told me he had just called his mom to tell her that he would not be able to go to Alabama for the funeral because he was sick. I pointed out that whenever he gets stressed out, he feels sick, and that he would probably feel fine in the morning. But he was convinced he was sick, so he stuck to his guns.

The next morning, he felt fine. But it was too late -- his mom had already left for Alabama. I had to bite my tongue in order to stop myself from saying, "I told you so!" He's so funny -- whenever he's stressed out, his body just reacts like that -- he just gets sick for one day. It's very odd. Anyway, he felt really badly about not going to the funeral, but I told him everyone would understand.

So he and I ended up hanging out most of the weekend. Nothing really exciting, just the usual: errands, the gym, watching tv, lunch with MJ,, we are an exciting couple, huh??

I have to say, the real highlight of my weekend was last night. I had coffee with Repo's ex, the girl he cheated on. With me. Yeah, file that under "Things I Never Thought Would Happen".

It all started last week, when I got an email from her on myspace. She apologized to me for everything that happened and wanted to meet for coffee. You could have knocked me over with a feather! I don't think I would've been more shocked if Princess Diana emailed me!

I thought this was very big of her, and I realized it probably took a lot of guts, so I decided to give her the benefit of the doubt and agree to meet her for coffee. More than anything, I was curious to see what she had to say.

All weekend, I had my doubts. What if she was going to beat me up? What if I showed up, and Repo was with her? What if she is working as a double agent for Repo? What if she's just a huge bitch? Why is she doing this???

For those of you who may not know, ever since all the crap went down over a year ago, and I found out I was the "other woman", Repo has been making my life hell -- he has stalked me online, harassed me, left me mean comments and emails, and even tried to break me and CN apart (I won't go into details here). Repo is the main reason this blog is private. And every time I run into Repo, he retaliates. So to make a long story short, I almost live in fear of Repo, because he will stop at nothing to harass me, and I'm tired of it. So yesterday, I was a little worried that I would be inviting all of this crap back into my life.

By the time I got to Starbuck's, the last thing I needed was coffee! I was a bundle of nerves. I got in line and made my order. That's when I heard a tiny voice behind me:


I turned around to find a tiny, young girl. My first thought was that she's much prettier in person. And she smelled really good. (Is that a weird thing to say? I dunno.)

"Barbie?" I replied. (Not her real name -- I'll explain in a sec.)

We said hello, and then she proceeded to buy my coffee for me. I thought this was a nice gesture, and thanked her, but it didn't really break the ice. We had about 5 minutes of a very awkward silence as we waited on our coffees.

We grabbed a table and started off with small talk. She told me how the last time she came to Starbuck's, the girl thought her name was Barbie, and we had a good laugh, because her name sounds nothing like "Barbie". We talked about our jobs, our families, our friends and how we have both considered moving away from Columbia at certain points.

I began to relax and realize that she didn't have an agenda. She was not hostile or bitter or bitchy. She was just a naive 23 year old, recent college grad, trying to figure out life after college.

To say I could relate is an understatement. I was sitting across a small table from a 23 year old version of myself. Then, I saw that her hands were shaking, and I have to say, that kind of made my heart melt -- this girl was terrified of me! Of ME! It was so preposterous, I almost laughed about it. All this time, I was worried that she was going to rag me out for "ruining" her relationship with her boyfriend! Or show up with a posse of her friends to beat me up!

After we got to know each other a little bit, she finally opened up to me and gave me the dirt on the good stuff: what happened on her end of things when all the shit hit the fan. It turns out that she and Repo just broke up -- for good, this time -- only a week ago. She wanted to apologize to me about how he behaved and for not believing me when I tried to tell her what was going on. She said that she finally sees him for what he really is and can't believe how stupid she was.

I told her that she's not the first girl he's done this to, and then I proceeded to list off all the crap Repo had put me through, both during and after our relationship. She lit up like a firefly -- she had no idea he was like this to all girls. She thought that it was just her, and I could see the relief on her face. After that, we just compared notes and kept saying, "You too?!" -- because he made us both feel the same way during our relationships, and he did the same things to both of us. She even caught MRSA from him, just like I did.

Then we analyzed his behavior and his life, trying to figure out why he behaves the way he does. She thinks he's bi-polar, and I think he's got some serious narcissism going on. She also told me that his health is not very good -- he's gained a lot of weight, and he sleeps too much and eats nothing but fast food. She said he's been really down lately. We agreed that he had no one to blame but himself, because all he does is hurt people who care about him.

She informed me that he still goes to my gym (CRAP!) and told me he has a new car. She described it to me so that I can keep my eyes peeled. I informed her that assholes like this only make you appreciate the nice guys who do eventually come along -- she's pretty bitter and cynical about love right now, to say the least. I told her that having CN makes it all worthwhile in the end, and that everything is going to be ok. (She is still upset about the break-up. She had tears in her eyes when she was listing all the mean things Repo did to her. So I have to admit, I felt pretty sympathetic towards her. Poor thing.)

I also told her to hold on to her hat, because Repo is probably about to start harassing the bejeezus out of her. She said he'd already started. Oh dear. "No, it's ok, really. This is just karma, getting me. I have had this coming for a long time." -- This launched us into a big discussion about karma and ex-boyfriends, of course.

FOUR hours later, she and I were STILL talking. And I have to admit, I really like her! She's funny and independent and gutsy. It took a lot for her to approach me and apologize to me. She just wanted to make things right, and that meant a lot to me. Of course, now I feel badly about all the things I said about her, but she told me the same thing, so it's all water under the bridge.

You're not going to believe this, but I think I just made a new girlfriend! She even invited me to go shopping with her in Charlotte in a couple of weeks-- I think I will take her up on it. And apparently, we share more than the same taste in ex-boyfriends -- right before we parted, we realized we were wearing the same shoes.

I don't really know how to explain the emotions I am feeling about all of this. Have you ever gone to a funeral and met up with a long-lost relative or friend? It kind of felt like that. Your gut instinct is to be all happy and excited to talk to a nice person, but under the circumstances, you don't really feel like it's appropriate, because the situation that brought you together is sad and serious. And you feel kind of weird talking about anything other than that serious topic.

It was very surreal...but good. I feel really good about all of it.


Phantom Hater said...

That's nuts. It sounds like you need a restraining order vs. Repo.

The only reason men like this exist is because women allow them to, but they do serve one valuable purpose--to make you appreciate a truly good guy, so that's good.

It's like I tell all my female friends. Never date someone who is overly selfish and narcissistic. You're just going to end up hurt, and what you mistake as confidence is actually a mask for deep insecurity. Maybe someday women will learn.

Smug said...

I am just like CN, no matter what is happening in my life, it ends up messing with my stomach! If I am nervious, scared, excited, depressed, angry, whatever... It only lasts until the "thing" is upon me. I used to have panic attacks when I was with an abusive boyfriend and they almost always started in my stomach. It is nice to know that I have not had even one attack since we broke up!!

I am glad that you have made a new friend. It seems that Repo has a "type" it would be nice, if you could save the next girl.

I would not worry about running into him at the gym - if he is depressed and gaining weight, he is not working out!

RWA said...

Good for you - and her.

Sounds like both of you need a restraining order against this "Repo" person.

Jonathan Zero said...

I agree with the others, you both need a restraining order on Repo. What an asshat he is. A good friend of mine is in court today dealing with someone just like Repo. I hope he comes to what little sense he has and stops bothering you both.

Meghan (The Declaration of MY Independence) said...

Hey girl! I'm sorry about CN's cousin. Please let him know that my thoughts and prayers are with him and him family.

Wow, I am IN SHOCK after reading this post. I cannot believe that this girl is actually likeable!! Well I'm glad you made a new friend and that Reppo is fat. I agree with Smug, you wont be seeing him at the gym. That is, unless hes going out and getting 4 Big Macs afterwards.

Hope all is well. I havent talked to you in a while.

Becky said...

i'm finally catching up on your blog! i'm SO sorry to hear about CNs cousin. that is truly tragic! how are yall doing?! and thats awesome that you made a new friend in barbie!

Fluffycat said...

Yeah this is a great ending for you and for Barbie.. to end up being friends w/ each other and bonding over this Repo. He sounds like an ass. I agree on the restraining order.

one girl said...

wow that's crazy! sounds like a good cleansing, venting meet-up :)

teahouse said...

I think it's really terrific that she reached out to you like that. You're really lucky, and talk about CLOSURE! I'm glad you've made a new friend. She sounds like a really smart and mature 23-year-old.

Capricorn Cringe said...

What a crazy jerk. I agree with Meghan, I'm glad Repo is fat. A fat ex (and you with a cool boyfriend) is the best revenge. :)

kimmykins13 said...

It was really nice of you to talk with her and let her get things off her chest. I'm sure she felt a lot better after she learned she was not the only person he had been truly awful to.

Debbie said...

Sorry about CN's cousin, my condolences to the family.

That is totally amazing that you met that girl and acutally became friends. I am sure it was a relief to get everything out in the open.