Wednesday, July 09, 2008

A Slap in the Face

I went to the dentist on Monday afternoon to discover that I have not one, not two, but THREE cavities. When I get them filled next week, I have to shell out $500. And yes, that IS after insurance, in case you're wondering. And although needles and cavity experiences aren't one of my main phobias, they aren't exactly a walk in the park for me, either. I sweat buckets and tense up anytime I sit in those chairs. It's what I would call a high-stress situation for me.

Because that's what I need: more stress and less money.

"I'm sorry. You must have the wrong mouth," I wanted to reply when the dentist broke the news to me. But unfortunately, my mouth was full of his gloved fingers and a small mirror. So I was unable to do more than whimper.

I was shocked to hear this news. According to The Czarina, I inherited her excellent teeth, rather than my father's disgusting and sad excuses for teeth. I have only had one teeny tiny cavity in my whole life. So what was this?? I mean, I can understand ONE. But THREE??? What did I do? Too much candy?? Not enough flossing?? I do have a bad habit of not always brushing my teeth before bedtime. I guess it caught up to me.

My coworker provided an interesting theory: I may have caught CN's mouth bacteria from kissing him. Since he has bad teeth, he may have spread his cavity bacteria into my mouth and made mine worse with every smooch. My boyfriend is giving me cavities. Great. What a jerk.

Well, at least I don't feel so terrible now about what happened the other night. He and I are kind of even now. This is what happened:

MJ got a new cell phone. For some reason, her new phone hasn't been communicating well with mine. When she sends me a photo, I receive it about 6 times. Over a 6 hour period. So when it's 2:30am and you are being awakened by your cell again, only to see that you are getting something you've already received four times, it's a little aggravating.

I know what you are thinking: Duh, VB. Turn your phone to silent.
To which I reply: My cell = my alarm clock, so I can't. Back to the story.

So the other night, I spent the night at CN's. I was totally exhausted. I had been getting that repeat photo from MJ, but figured it had stopped at three copies. I fell into what was a very pleasant and extremely deep slumber.

And that's where I stop remembering things. I was THAT sleepy. According to CN, this is what happened around 2:30am:

My phone beeped. (It was the same stupid photo from MJ again. And can I just state right here how much I hate Motorola? Because their phones will beep until the cows come home when you have a new message. You are not allowed to ignore it. You MUST deal with it. NOW. This is the stupidest design flaw I've ever seen. This Motorola phone will be my last.)

I woke up, and in my sleepy stupor, reach over to shut the damn phone up. The beeping also woke up CN, World's Lightest Sleeper. He starts cuddling and kissing on me. I reply:

"GET THE F**K OFF OF ME OR I WILL SLAP YOU IN THE FACE!!!!"

Taken aback, CN apologizes and moves away, telling me I am mean.

For some reason, I half-way comprehend what has just happened, and I go over to kiss him and apologize. "Kiss?" I say.

"No! You're mean!" CN replies, half-joking.

"Fine. Whatever," I reply.

Then, I proceeded to roll over and immediately go back to sleep.

I have absolutely no recollection of this entire event. But I can assure you, CN isn't letting me forget it. Anytime I touch him, I have to hear "Get the f**k off of me or I will slap you in the face!"

Which is fine with me. I can't afford a fourth cavity, anyway.

10 comments:

Becky said...

omg this whole story made me laugh!

Alison said...

So it's only fair that CN pays the $500. :)

JP said...

You cracked me up. My sister and I sleep talk, too. You never know what you're going to hear at one of our sleepovers.

I have to get a cavity filled on Monday, my first in many years. Boo!

When you get a new phone, check out the sound options. Mine has an "alarm only" setting that's pretty sweet.

Phantom Hater said...

"I have absolutely no recollection of this entire event."
Good excuse. That's what I used to tell my girlfriends after the black-outs when I woke up with bloody knuckles and them sobbing in the corner. I'm kidding, of course, but if I see CN trying to cover up bruises with some fishy story about "tripping and falling down the stairs", I'm filing a domestic violence report. haha.

That was kinda mean, although sometimes I'd rather have some sleep than someone kissing on me myself, so I can't really blame ya.

RWA said...

Wait a minute ...

2:30 in the morning ... CN is awakened by your phone, then tries to get frisky...

That means ... you two are ...




Oh my.


:)

Fluffycat said...

That's hilarious. You not only talk in your sleep, but you swear and threaten as well.

sassafras said...

Hubby is so mean when he gets awakened. I try not to do it!

cmk said...

When my hubby was in the Navy, he told me in no uncertain terms to NEVER touch him to wake him. I realized he meant business the day I saw my mother's cat go flying across the living room--it had decided to play with hubby's mustache while he was napping. (And, no, the cat wasn't hurt.)

Len said...

"GET THE F**K OFF OF ME OR I WILL SLAP YOU IN THE FACE!!!!"

Don't get angry at me, but I can so picture that ;-)

M said...

wow. $500 after insurance? that sucks.