Am I a Freak?

I know you are all saying "yeah" or "duh" or "yeah you are, you nasty girl! I know you like it like that!" right now. Ha ha. Very funny. But while I'm waiting for your *ahem* questions (see last post if you don't know what I'm talking about), I will give you a glimpse into how weird I am.

I have a dilemma. And I'm worried that no one else in the universe worries about this. Hence the freakdom paranoia.

You know those bath sponge thingies? The ones you use for shower gel? The ones like this:


Well, you see, I am kind of a germ-o-phobe. My roommate would beg to differ, but really, in some ways, I am. And I have problems with the delivery system of shower loofahs in this country. They probably come in some big cardboard box, and are loaded into bins by the (what I imagine to be) dirty, dirty hands of the Big Box Store workers**. Not that I don't appreciate what they do. I do. But what do shoppers such as yourself do? You dig through the bin, grab the loofah that comes in your favorite color (which may or may not have been rolling around on the floor a few hours ago), put it somewhere in one of those grocery carts (you know, the ones that haven't been cleaned since you were in 3rd grade and are now covered in 17.6 billion germs, some of which came from the poopy diapers of toddlers). Then, it gets handled again by the cashier (who has been handling money all day and probably doesn't wash her hands very often**) after rolling on down the leaky-milk and bloody-ground-beef juice encrusted conveyer belt to her scanner. It is scanned and then put into a plastic bag. Then, you take it home and stick it in your shower so you can wash up with it the next morning, right?

Please tell me you don't. Because I'm getting grossed out just typing that paragraph. Please tell me you have some kind of ingenious method of avoiding all those germs. Do you sterilize your loofah?

My strategy (up until yesterday) was to go to Bed, Bath and Beyond because they sold their loofahs in enclosed packages. No one touched my loofahs other than me. Nothing disgusting leaked onto them because they were encased in a protective plastic tube of sterile joy. It made bathtime oh so fun. I could relax knowing that the only germs on my sponge were my own.

But yesterday my happy little germ-free world came crashing to the ground. BB&B has now joined the ranks of the other Big Box Stores, and now only sells the loofahs individually, out loose in the open. Like wild animals, they roam free. They are Free Range Loofahs. Free to be drooled on by grabbing toddlers when Mommy isn't looking*, free to be kicked under a shelving unit only to be found months later with dust bunnies all over it, free to be crawled on by any number of large hairy insects, free to fall on the floor, free to be handled by any number of strangers who have just picked their noses. Ugh.

So I didn't buy one yesterday, obviously. I was too grossed out. I will just use my current stranger-germ-free loofah until it falls apart. Then I will go back to washcloths. This is the only solution I've come up with.

Does anyone else think about this stuff? Or am I nuts? Can I sterilize the Free Range Loofahs somehow? Anyone know of a place where I can get un-germy loofahs?

Don't even get me started on the shampoo/conditioner/shaving cream bottles. I wipe them down with disinfectant spray when I get home. THEN I put them in the shower. Think about how many germs those things must have come into contact with. Think about it, folks. Gah, it keeps me up at night.

Somewhere, there is a treatment center for people like me....

** I am not implying anything about Big Box Store workers. I'm sure most of them lead normal and generally sanitary lifestyles and wash their hands all the time. It's just that I've never actually witnessed any of them doing anything I would describe as "sanitary behavior". I mean, come on, have you ever gotten to the front of the check-out line, only to hear the cashier say, "You know what? My hands are covered in any number of disgusting germs that may make you sick. I'm going to run to the sparkling clean public bathroom we have here at our store real quick so I can thoroughly wash my hands in hot, soapy water before I touch your stuff. K?"

* I am not implying anything about mothers in general, just the ones who aren't watching when Little Timmy grabs stuff and starts putting it into his mouth. Those Moms put the loofah right back where Timmy got it, covered in drool. Ew. I am not implying that these moms are bad mothers, just that they don't understand my germ-o-phobe mentality. Which is fine. I guess it's hard to stay germophobic when you're a mom. I'll understand one day, probably. But that day is not today.

Ok, back to waiting for your nosy questions...*taps foot impatiently*