Friday, June 02, 2006

The Dangers of Vicodin


Warning: Do not attempt to bake when under the influences of Vicodin and its derivatives. You will blatantly ignore the recipe directions (The recipe "Doesn't know what it is talking about!") and force the cake out of the pan before it cools. This results in half the cake sticking to the pan. Actually, you won't care because you're on Vicodin.

Warning: Vicodin has also been proven to make certain daily activities 300 times more difficult. These activities include: measuring ingredients for cakes, setting the timer for the baking of said cake, talking to your boss, using the telephone, answering questions, being at work, driving, reading anything other than magazines with lots of pictures, writing, typing, climbing stairs, remembering things and thinking. You are well advised to avoid doing these activities while on Vicodin.


Look, Ma! I took all these pills today! Some of them made me want to barf. But I'm ok.

It was really fun going to work after taking these.

Not really.

Ok, some of them are vitamins, but whatever. That's still a lot of pills.

So now I have a baby abscess. It doesn't hurt as much, it doesn't need to be stuffed. (YESSSS!) But I have to take 3 showers per day with nothing but Ivory soap. (I had forgotten how nice it smells, actually.) Then when I get out of the shower, I have to change the bandage using totally sterile bandages and the special cream. All I heard was SHOWERS.

Have you ever tried to put a sterile bandage on your ass? It's hard. Because I'm not using nice little conveniently pre-stickified Band-Aids. I'm using those gauze pads that need special, separate tape to stick 'em on. There's a lot of twisting and aiming and cursing involved. It's like playing Medical Twister--right hand on ass, left hand on...shit! (That's the part where I miss my boo-boo and drop the sterile bandage on the floor. Then I have to start all over. After I stop my dog from wanting to lick the medicated cream. He is so weird.)

So yeah, everything is normal here inVB Land.

Repo and I were on the phone last night until 1 am. I was (surprise, surprise) freaking out about telling him about this blog. I was convinced he was going to dump me or hate me or something. [Note: This was the Vicodin talking.] Repo now makes jokes that he is looking for a new girlfriend. Ha ha. Mr. Funnybone over here. But we are ok. He was a little freaked out, but we talked about everything and we are fine. I think. Until I do something like that again. Kidding. Really, he was mostly upset about strangers judging him. And a couple of my guy friends judging him. I agree--it isn't really fair considering they don't know him. But for the most part, everyone on here is Pro-Repo. Right? [This is the part where all my readers leave comments that would fall into the Pro-Repo category.]

That's hard to say: Pro-Repo. Hard to type too. Woooooah....still woozy from Vicodin. Can. Not. Look. Down. While. Typing.

He said he kinda wishes I hadn't told him. He doubts he will ever read it again, actually. I think it was a lot to take in. I (of course) am having World's Biggest Guilt Trip and wondering if I did the right thing. It's a little like those people who confess to cheating just to make themselves feel better, I think. I am not speaking from experience, people. But I really think that any communication in a relationship is good. And that feeling of keeping something from him really bugged me.

I'm just amazed at how understanding and patient he is with me. I mean, I would be totally wigging out over something like this. And he is just..a little hurt. But he's fine. He is probably going to stick it to me for a while, though. He called me this morning.

"I hate you because I'm tired." (He got about 5 hours of sleep last night. Oops.)

I apologized. Then he told me that the water main busted at the hotel, so his kitchen was flooding as we spoke. Also, there was some big group of airline pilots (?) checking in all at once and they were being douchebags. Yeah, that made my guilt trip double in size.

I have the best boyfriend ever.

11 comments:

jennster said...

i totally think you should have told him. honestly, because otherwise you're keeping something very big from him. others might not agree, but then i think that's where the whole "what is my blog's purpose?" comes into play. for me, it's very hard to relate because not only does boyfriend read my blog, he also blogs himself. and i never started the blog to get away from people, or keep things from people. i started the blog to share with people- the ones i already know included.
it might just take him a couple of days to get used to the idea. i guess if you think about it, from HIS perspective, it could be very invasive. but hopefully he'll get used to the idea and it won't even phase him. ESPECIALLY if he can read about them. and i don't know why he wouldn't want too. blogs can be therapy. passive aggressive, therapy. LOL

Autumn said...

I think I agree with jennster about telling him. It's pretty cool that you feel close enough to open up and share this part of yourself with him!

Autumn said...

Oh, I forgot, I'd like to designate myself as being Pro-Repo!

Anne said...

I have never wanted a vicodin with a cake chaser so bad in my whole life. I have the vicodin..but who can I get to make me a cake? :)

Im a Repo Fan. Anyone who makes you happy sounds like an alright guy to me!

Vixen said...

Pro Repo all the way. So I guess you can tell him that you totally repped him in an awesome light and the total strangers think he's a great guy.

Re: Bandages, have you considered putting the gauze and tape together before you started? Just flip the gauze over, tape all the edges and put that cream thing in the middle. That way it's already pre-done and you just slap it on your ass, tape sticks, end of story. Just a thought. I don't know if it would work or not---you're probably already doing it.

Get well soon!

DetoxSmurf said...

I am anti-repo, but someone has to be. If things should ever go down hill, I hope he doesn't throw what you wrote back in your face.

Stephanie A. said...

I think that if you're sharing your life with someone and then, in turn, sharing that part of your life online with others, it is probably a good idea for him to know about it. At first my husband was not thrilled about me blogging about us and he still gives me crap if I mention someone else is sexy and I have to PAY for it. But, overall, it has helped our relationship because for him to see how I feel about him in writing has made us closer. Does that make sense at all? Anyway, it doesn't matter if any of us are pro or anti Repo, really. What matters is that you're both happy and doing what's best for you. No judgment from me- and if you've seen my most recent post you know why!

NML said...

I think that even if he doesn't actually say the special words that us women love to get as acknowledgement of how a guy feels about us, he is certainly SHOWING you and actions often speak louder than words. Yay for you!

the shrewness said...

i cant even bake a cake when im not under medication!

and yeah, im definitely pro-repo. :)

Sam said...

You know what is disturbing? I know which one of those pills is Vicodin. I'm pro-whatever you want me to be pro about. Until you no longer want me to be pro about it.

Virginia Belle said...

jennster-- thanks, sweetie. you and i think along a lot of the same lines with this. keeping something that big is hard. plus, i had a hard time explaining to him why i spend so much time on the internet. while i do miss a little of the anonymity, i am actually really excited because he has read stuff and asked questions and we are closer now, i think.

autumn-- yes, that's it exactly. it's because i feel close enough to him to open up. i mean, basically i said "here, read my diary." glad you like him so far!

anne--thanks for the vote of confidence. i will totally make you a cake. i don't know how well it would ship...but i can try! email me about that if you want.

vixen-- thanks.i will tell him that. i made sure he read all the posts about when we first started dating because i said a lot of nice things about him there. i would like to say more nice things now, but i'm afraid he'd think i was being a brown-noser. oh, and i tried your method of bandaging, but it is hard to assemble everything. i gave up and just went back to big band-aids!

detox-- what gives, yo? why you be dissin' my man? are you just being devil's advocate? i was not aware you had any reason to dislike him. you don't know him or me. 'splain, Lucy.

stephanie--thank you so much for your comment. you are so sweet (as usual!). i agree with what you said.

NML--yes, he is. and i'm the dumbass who only recently figured this out. so i'm trying to keep an eye out for his little gestures. not that i'm taking what i can get, rather i'm redefining what qualifies as an expression of caring. and appreciating them for what they are.

shrewness-- ha! you crack me up. but i bet you can balance your checkbook. *shrugs* it's a tradeoff. and trust me, i think i read the recipe about a zillion times.

sam--you kill me. i love that you can play "Guess That Pill". i also appreciate your loyalty. :) you rock.