In case you haven't been reading lately, I just told my boyfriend (Repo) about my blog. It was a lot to take in for him, but it's been going pretty smoothly for the most part. He keeps saying "I haven't decided if I'm mad at you or not." This would be more of a threat if he actually acted angry. Which he's not. He's just been asking a lot of questions, which is what I expected. But just to soothe him over, I am kissing his ass big time. Until further notice. Or until I get really sick of doing it and tell him to bite me. Whatever comes first.
I actually think this has brought us closer, because there are things he didn't know about me and this has opened up the way for us to talk about some stuff that I'm naturally hesitant to talk about. It's kind of nice, because I really want him to know everything about me. There are very few people I can say that about. It means I trust him and want to be emotionally intimate with him. (Ew, that was corny. I can't believe I just used that phrase.) Plus, now he knows exactly how neurotic and nerdy I really am. And he reminds me on a daily basis. As if he needed fuel for the fire.
However, he (naturally) has a lot of questions about everything. And I'm having a hard time answering some of them. You can read my replies and tell me what you think. Let's make a list, shall we? (You know I love lists.)
1. Why do you share your personal life with total strangers?
(This was hard to explain. Why do we blog?) Well, it's really like having a diary that people can comment on. I like knowing that I'm not crazy. It's comforting to read things and know I'm not the only one who thinks like that. Plus, I need a space where I can vent my troubles. Writing helps me sort out my brain. Otherwise, I would be venting oh-so-much-more to Repo and K. It's my little spot in the world where I can be as neurotic as I want.
2. Who reads your blog? Anyone we know?
Yes and no. Some of my girlfriends know about it. But they rarely read it. So that doesn't really count. It's just easier for me to tell them stuff on the phone since they live here in town. I have a couple of guy friends who read this, but they like to play devil's advocate a lot. Plus, they think I'm a moron and/or a silly girl and love to point out that I don't understand men, so I take their comments with a grain of salt. Some other friends read it, but they live out of town, so that doesn't really count either. Lady Starfish reads it religiously. But she knows EVERYTHING about me so she would know all this anyway. I don't think my family or coworkers read it. The Czarina (Mom) definitely doesn't read it. Most people here have no idea who I am in real life.
3. Why do you talk about your exes so much?
Ok...didn't realize I talked about them that much....but whatever. I am a girl, so naturally I over analyze my personal relationships. I have noticed patterns in my dating history, and if I acknowledge them and think about them, I think I can learn from them. I am not hung up on any of them, nor do I harbor any feelings for them at all. It's more of a way to understand myself.
4. Do you really have a crush on your neighbor?
(This one threw me because I honestly thought he was incapable of being jealous. Ever.) I am not going to lie--my neighbor is cute. But if he was any kind of threat to Repo, I wouldn't have opened up about my blog. Duh. Besides, he doesn't know I'm alive. So no, Neighbor is no threat whatsoever. (Plus, Cute Neighbor's stock has declined rapidly lately since Repo has been really awesome. Other men are definitely starting to become invisible to me...only hard-core VB fans know what THIS means. And by "hard-core VB fans" I mean Lady Starfish.)
5. Who are these people and what makes them think they can say stuff about me? They don't even know me.
Ok, I'll give you that one. But for the most part, I think people here like you. And I've been pretty honest about you, too. I haven't exactly sugar-coated everything about you. But since they don't know you, I don't put 100% credit in their comments. Nor would I expect them to give me full credit when I comment on their blogs. The thing is, in relationships, only the two people in the relationship truly know what is going on. So they are making comments without having the full story anyway. They are not going to influence me to any major degree. Like I said, my readers just remind me that I am not crazy or alone. I can think for myself, but they do sometimes offer a refreshing perspective or bring up things I hadn't considered. They are just other bloggers who I have found along the way. I don't know any of them personally. They don't mean any harm.
6. No wonder your mom hates me. She wants to fix you up with Mr. Cool, doesn't she?
(Ok, for some reason, he won't let this one go. We've been over it like 3 times.) I was introduced to him over a year ago. Actually, I think it was 2 years ago. Mr. Cool has no idea I'm alive. Besides, I think he's engaged, last I heard. When he met me he acted like he was being introduced to someone he knew he'd never see again. I doubt he even knows my name, let alone my face. And his lack of enthusiasm went a long way in my final decision: I want to be with a guy who is really impressed with me, right from the start. He wasn't. So he's not worthy. End of story. Besides, if I was that crazy about him, I would A) be looking for jobs in Richmond since he lives there and B) would remain single just in case things were to happen down the road. Another non-threat.
7. Why do you talk about me so much? Why did you talk about my family?
Um...because, Repo, you are important to me and I like you. You should be concerned if I didn't say anything about you. But I leave a lot of really personal stuff out too. [He agreed.] And since I attended your mom's wedding, I did mention how much I like your family after meeting them. I didn't give away any personal family details or names and I said nothing negative. (He wouldn't believe me if he read it, but I had nothing negative to say because I really liked his family! They were all so sweet to me!)
8. So I'm not the hottest guy you've ever dated, huh?
This came from some misunderstood comments between me and Charleston Guy in the Jessica Simpson post. This is another question which I have had to answer a couple of times and he's been teasing me about it a lot. Which is fine. I can see where he's coming from. But hot guys fall into the same category as rich guys. Sure, they seem like a great idea at first, but after a while, you see them for who they really are. Shallow, self-centered and not very good boyfriends. And your criteria change. You are looking for more of an attractive nice guy. Who truly cares about you, has things in common with you and works hard at making you happy. Those are the keepers. And that's what Repo is. (If he is reading this, he is rolling his eyes. I betcha $20.) So, Repo, if you are reading this, all I can say is that I am very very attracted to you, and you know that. But unlike one of my exes, who was very attractive, you have more to offer than just looks. And you never make me go fishing or camping. That makes you a hottie in my book.
9. Why did you freak out so much about Jessica Simpson?
Well, I gotta say, it made me feel pretty insecure to hear that story. Now that you know your current flame has some very attractive exes, how does it feel? I'd love to say I have enough self-confidence to handle something like that, but I guess I don't. I am probably fatter than she and much, much geekier. I don't drive a BMW and I can't drink beers with you. I am like this nerdy, fat girl compared to her. And my inner-insecure-13-year-old self just comes out at times like that. [Ladies, don't we all have an insecure 13 year old inside of us?] I know she's not a threat directly, and I do believe you that it is over, but I can't help but dwell on it a little.
Repo replied: "You aren't giving yourself enough credit."