Tuesday, March 06, 2007

If My Life Were a Mastercard Ad...

Running out of gas on the way to work? An hour of vacation time wasted while waiting for a coworker to rescue me.

Filling up a tank that is 99% empty? $42.26

Arriving at work to find my stalker waiting for me? Taking the long way into the building to avoid him. I've been hiding in my office ever since.

Hot Neighbor coming over last night because he wanted to thank me "in person" for the cake? Priceless.

He wants me. Right? I mean, that's 3 trips to my house to thank me for half of a leftover birthday cake I gave him a week ago. You don't do that, normally. Normally, you'd return the tupperware about 2 weeks later, still encrusted with frosting, and just say "Thanks for the cake!" the next time you see the person in their driveway.

And it may have been my imagination (which, as we all know, likes to do its own thing), but I swear he had this look on his face like he wanted to say something else. See, what happened was, it was 10pm and I was walking Sammy. I returned from the walk to find him knocking on my door. He turned around to see me waving at him. He got this semi-surprised look on his face, and I said, "Hey! What's up?" He told me he wanted to thank me in person, blah blah. I said, "It was good, wasn't it? See why I had to get rid of it?" Then he repeated himself again--"I just wanted to thank you in person..blah blah."

(Keep in mind that I have a difficult time focusing on what actually comes out of his mouth, because I'm usually standing there, thinking, "OMG!!!! He's talking to me!!! Do I look ok? He's talking. Pay attention. Shit, I have a zit. Crap, I knew I should have powdered my nose earlier. I'm probably all greasy. I have no idea if my hair looks good right now. Wait, what did he say? Why oh why did I wear this stupid outfit today? Don't come on too strong, VB. Keep it cool.")

Where was I? Oh yeah. He said thank you twice. I thought, "Um, you just said that. But you're wearing shorts right now, and you have nice legs, so that's ok." I said to him, "Oh, you're welcome." (I remembered to smile. I'm really glad I remembered.) He just kind of stood there. Eeerrm.....now what? All I could think about was how cold he must be for standing around in shorts. Before it got really awkward, I said, "Ok, well, have a good night." And then he said, "You too! Talk to you later," and walked away. At least, I think that's what he said. I was checking out his ass at that specific moment.

Any interpretations? He wants me, right? Because that's how it goes in my head.....

Anyway, back to my out-of-gas car. So when I called Czarina this morning to tell her I was stranded and waiting on a coworker to save me, she of course wanted to know if I was safe. "Yes, I'm on a residential street," I replied. Then she called me a bimbo. I told her that the gas gauge is broken and has been lying to me about how much gas is actually in my tank. "That's why you write down how many miles you've driven since the last time you filled up. You can assume you'll get about 200 miles per tank."

"Mom, the gas gauge started doing this yesterday. I have no idea how many miles I've driven since I filled up last. I had no clue how much gas was in my tank. I don't even remember when I filled up last. I know it was a few days ago."

She laughed and called me her little blonde bimbo. "Oh honey, I've done it, too. We all have our blonde moments." Thanks, Mom. So glad I called for some sympathy. What was I thinking?

(I am going to go leave replies to all y'all's --shut up, that is grammatical in SC-- comments on the last post now.)


Burg said...

Yep.. He wants ya.

Matilda Jane said...

He does sound interested. You should invite him over to enjoy your birtday presents (netflix and condoms).

If I didn't like someone and he left me a cake, I would probably be sure to tupperware-bomb him while he wasn't at home. The fact that he came back each time to thank you is a good sign.... but weird that he was only like "thanks, bye."

Do you know how long he was married? If it was his high school sweetheart? He might have little or no experience asking someone out. Even though I know you're anti 'asking a guy out,' you should really just suck it up and suggest lunch or a movie or something... the encounters will only get more awkward otherwise.

KT said...

That is really exciting that he has been over that much. I am so happy, and hope that he is in to you!! I agree with MJ that you should ask him out to lunch, he may be scared to knowing that he has kids, and maybe assuming that you wouldn’t want to be involved with someone that does. You never know what is going through his mind, just like he can’t read yours.

Sorry about your car to. That really stinks, you car must have some voodoo curse on it.

Hope you have fun in Charleston! I’ll do a good weather dance for you.

KT said...

Realized I should have used too, not to, in a few places...whoops! Can't wait for St.Patricks's Day...going to be so much fun :)

Stuck said...

I'm going to start calling you "little blonde bimbo" from now on. It's cute. :)

And why have you not just gone over there and asked him out yet? Didn't I already give that advice? You never listen to my advice and then you always come back months later and say "You were right, Stuckey. Why didn't I listen to you? You are a mega-genius." (At least, I think you say that. I might've thrown in the bit about being a genius.)

So, until you follow my advice in asking him out, I am boycotting giving you anymore advice. :p

Behind The Curve On Love said...

He definitely sounds interested. I would just be very careful. Find out how long his marriage was and how long he's been out of it. Is he even divorced? I went through the whole, "We're not *officially* divorced, but we are." Ummm, yeah, it means you're still entangled.

Kids are also very cute and infectious and can get you sucked in.

What's that saying, "Don't sh*t where you eat?" Something like that. Being neighbors... It could be the weirdest of weird if things didn't work out and you still have to see him. I know, I love serving poo poo platters... Sowwy... :)

cmk said...

Is there something I'm missing? Why, oh, why, didn't you ask him in for a cup of coffee when he came over to thank you, while standing there, freezing, in his shorts!? Make a huge bowl of popcorn and some Rice Krispie treats and invite him over for a movie marathon some evening--become great friends and see if something develops!

Megan said...

he wants you!

Megan said...

he wants you!

Single guy blogging said...

You should have invited him in for.. umm.. ok, here's what you need to do: Come up with something that is ALWAYS available for you to be able to invite him in. Some suggestions:

* I was just about to put on a tea kettle - want to join?

* (food related.. yum) I've got a recipe for that ____. Come on it and I can make you a copy.

* (have something be broken) -- do you happen to know how to fix a ____?

* I just made some ____ that would go great with your ass. Want to come in and tell me where we can run away together to?

Anyhoo.. you get the gist. :) Enjoy!!

~Moi~ said...

he wants ya!
Ooooo these HN posts are getting exciting! yea - nothing happening in my life at the moment - cant ya tell?
You could have asked him in for coffee or something since he was out in his shorts.... you sure he wasnt wearing his boxers instead? - oh look, now my imagination is going...

Anonymous said...

Shouldn't that say, if my life was a Mastercard ad? That's not Visa at all...

M said...

I get my mastercard and visa mixed up too....which is why I have CC debt I shouldn't have.


anyway, hope it continues to heat up with your hot neighbor!

Mieke said...

He totally wants you!! Why not invite him over for some wine and dinner, you know, since you are neighbors and all! He won't say no!!
**On a side note, I think you are due a new car, yours is trying to torture you!!! :)

Scott said...

Wow, that really is a bunch to be going over. He's into you. Maybe he just didn't know what to say when he went over?

Anny said...

ok just tell me, is hot neighbor really THAT hot? cuz i find it kinda hard to believe that a strong girl like u can feel weak in the knees for some dude.
ohmagawd - u know wut i just thought of? u guys are like susan & mike on desperate housewives!!!!!!!

Lisa said...

OH just tackle him and have your way with him right then and there. You KNOW you want to. heehee

teahouse said...

Your hot neighbor sounds yummy!!

Virginia Belle said...

burg-- really? ya think so?? aw, shucks. *blushes*

MJ-- dude, i could not do that without turning beet red and/or giggling. i don't know the details of the divorce or the ex. but maybe you are right about putting myself out there.

KT-- i hadn't really thought of that angle before. maybe he doesn't know how i feel about all his baggage. my thing is, i don't want to pressure him if he's not ready. of course, now that S2 is on the scene, i may have to start sticking up for myself....oh, and St. Paddy's Day??? HELLo!

Stuckey-- AAARRGH! no, don't do that! that's exactly what i DO say, btw. :) ok, i will promise to all of y'all that i will try and put myself out there a little more.

BTC-- oh, trust me. that's on my list of questions to ask. no official divorce = call me when it's official. and it's ok, i've thought the same things. but we are both adults. i'm willing to risk a little awkwardness for his fine ass.

CMK-- why? because i'm an idiot, apparently. that would have been a perfect opportunity. that i missed. aaaaack. being a bimbo is hard!

megan-- yay. i like getting that comment twice. :)

SGB-- excellent idea! i will make a mental list. right now, i need a good dry cleaner, so that is my current next question.

~moi-- ok, if he was in his boxers, i would not be blogging right now. i'd be under the sheets with him until further notice!

anonymous-- OMG i really am a bimbo. you are totally right. it is mastercard. editing that...

m-- thanks! you make me feel better.

mieke-- ok! ok! i get it, people! sheesh. i'll be a little more obvious at the next encounter! and yes, i've already started thinking about buying a new car.

scott-- see, that's what i'm thinking. we are on the same wavelength, my friend.

anny-- ok, i don't watch desperate housewives, so i have no idea what that part is about. but if there is one thing you should know about me, it's that i'm TOTALLY boy crazy. it bothers the crap out of me if i don't have a crush on someone at all times. i'm weird.

lisa-- if the frustration builds up for too long, you might just get to read that post!

teahouse--OMG he is. he's about 6 ft tall, great body, fantastic arms, nice ass, nice legs, very friendly and hard working, loves his kids to pieces, has this sort of Richard Gere vibe going on, likes my dog...