Monday, May 21, 2007

WLF Goes to the Beach

Let's see....not the most eventful week of my life, in case you can't tell from my lack of posting.

I could tell you about having to sit next to a guy from Romania who had B.O.

Or I could tell you about seeing a great local band the other night (Villanova).

I could tell you that I saw Hoochie McSkankerton (aka Wednesday Skank) sucking face with Hot Neighbor this weekend. In his driveway. In daylight. In front of his kids. (Is it just me, or is 2 months kind of soon to be making out in front of the kiddies???)

I could tell you that Shrek the Third was decent. But perhaps you should wait for the DVD.

I could tell you that the portrayal of librarians in Party Girl and Tomcats were....interesting. And although not great movies, they did have their funny moments. Librarians are very wild girls, according to Hollywood. Woot!

I could mention that I am officially up to running 3 miles now. With a small break in-between miles 2 and 3. Go me.

Or I could tell you that I left my doggie bag behind at a restaurant this weekend and I was SO MAD, because I always do that. Which sucks even more when you are broke and were hoping to have the leftovers for dinner tonight. GAH I am still pissed at myself, just thinking about it.

I could tell you how my brother Fungus got to eat dinner with this guy recently. No, I am not kidding. A friend of the family got an extra ticket to a gala dinner where he spoke, and he gave the ticket to Fungus. So I'm sure he didn't get to meet him, just share a meal with him. Kinda. Neat, huh?

I could tell you about hanging out with all my girls this weeekend: Friday's dinner with the Happy Hour Peeps. Saturday's BBQ lunch w/MJ & KT (and MJ's brother & sis-in-law) and Sunday's dinner at a Chinese/Japanese/Sushi restaurant with the Nurses and Healthy Girl. But it was just good times, not much to report.

Really, I pretty much just summed everything up for you. This leaves me with a problem: what should I post today? Hmmm...sounds like it's time for a story! WOOT!

Have I told you about the time WLF went to the beach? No? Ok, this is a good one.

At some point in his youth, I think when he was in college, WLF (aka My Dad) went to the beach with his buddies one summer. (So this is probably somewhere in Virginia or Maryland, in the 1950s, for those of you who want a setting.)

They were there for about a week. Aside from getting up one morning (to find they were out of milk) and putting beer on his breakfast cereal --- EWWWWW --- he just had a good time partying it up on the surf and sand.

But one night was unforgettable.....

Apparently, there was some all-girl's school at this beach-front town. WLF and his buddies found out where the girls' dormitory was. It was directly across the street from the beach. Enjoying the wonderful beach breezes, the girls kept their windows open at night as they slept.

Big. Mistake.

You see, nighttime is when the crabs come out. Hundreds of little crabs, all over the beach. And you really don't want to combine that wonder of nature with a group of college-aged young men who are on vacation with not much to do. Besides drink beer.

See where this is going? Yeah.

So WLF and his buddies grab buckets and start collecting crabs. Tons of them. They completely fill the buckets with live crabs. They wait until the lights in the dormitory had been out for about a half hour. Then they climb up the fire escape to the 2nd floor, walk over to the open window...........and begin to dump the buckets. Hundreds of crabs scurry all over the hardwood floors, making for a very creepy cacophony of little crustacean legs. But the sleeping women do not notice.

At first.

Giggling, WLF and his buddies ran back down the fire escape to sit on the curb across the street from the dormitory. They each pop a can of beer......and wait.

About 5 minutes later, the screaming starts. In between shrieks, WLF and his buddies can hear the crabs freaking out and scurrying around everywhere in packs, from one side of the room to the other. Soon they can tell all the girls are up, screaming bloody murder. The crabs are making even more noise than before, sliding all over the slick, hardwood floors. Someone switched on the lights, and then they really started screaming.

Meanwhile, WLF and his friends are laughing their asses off.

That is, until they hear the police sirens. One of the girls had called the cops.

WLF and his buddies start to run away. But WLF trips and falls. The cops are right up on them at this point, his friends are long gone, and WLF knew he had to think fast if he was going to avoid trouble. A pickup truck was parked down the street. WLF opened the door (unbelievably, it was unlocked) and quickly laid down on the seat as though he were sleeping.

Not even 15 seconds later, a cop raps at the window, looking for answers.

"Oh, no, officer. I have no idea what you're talking about. I've been asleep the whole time, here in my truck. I didn't see anything," he said drowsily.

"Hmph. Ok, well, thanks anyway," the cop said suspiciously.

My dad could never believe he didn't get busted on that one. But he was pretty proud of himself at the same time for his quick thinking. He never could tell that story without laughing so hard, he had tears running down his face.

By the way, this is only one of many stories involving my father and practical jokes. You could say it was a hobby of his.


Coco said...

That is a GREAT story . . .somehow, knowing things like that about your parents is great. Those are stories you want to pass on to your own kids!

And, for the record, yes, I do think 2 mo. is too soon to be sucking face in front of the kids. Hell, i think 2 mo. is too soon for someone to be sucking face in front of me! Delicate sensibilities and all that . . .

Fluffycat said...

Hilarious story. Of course, he could have also said, "I gave a dorm full of girls crabs" as the introduction.

And HN and his skank sound pretty grody. Those poor kids are going to be traumatized.

I also forget doggy bags. I think it's because I am good at remembering everything I came in with, but they are an additional item.

lenfercestlesautres said...

I gave a dorm full of girls crabs

lol! That's what I was thinking, too.

My dad once dated a pharmacy student. He collected two different plants, dried them, and glued a careful mix of them (flower of the first + leaves of the second) on paper and sent it to her, asking her what it was. It drover her mad not to be able to find out and my dad still laughs his head off when he tells the story.

teahouse said...

Hey..I'm so impressed that you can run 2-3 miles now. That's a huge accomplishment of which you should be totally proud...

teahouse said...

Hey..I'm so impressed that you can run 2-3 miles now. That's a huge accomplishment of which you should be totally proud...

crackfire said...

hahaha your old man seriously sounds more cooler than you.

And congrats for the miles you are putting in just one more mile and hit the magic number. :)

Meghan (The Declaration of MY Independence) said...

Ick. You already know how I feel about the HN to him and his skankalicious girlfriend.

Congrats on the 3 miles. I'm so jealous! I think I'm going to keep at the 2 mile thing, maybe alternate it every day with the treadmill. I'm on a mission!!!!

That story about your dad is awesome! I LOVE practical joke stories, b/c I am the worlds best practical jokster. I once wrote up an expulsion letter to my roommate for college for april fool's day, and she believed it....almost started crying. I wish my parents had stories like that for me...either they're witholding them or they were just really boring!

RWA said...

That is hilarious - and very creative!!!! Quick thinking on your dad's part too.

Debbie said...

How funny! You're dad sounds like he was a great guy, too funny.
How rude for wednesday skank to be making out in the driveway... maybe she knows you got the hots for her man and is *showing* public displays of affection to let you know who has him. lol
(damn that was a long sentence)
I love reading your blog!