Wednesday, September 26, 2007


Aargh. I have a tough decision to make. Do you remember J, my best friend from high school?

Background: I visited with her when I went to Indianapolis last December. We are still friends, but not nearly as close as we used to be. She is one of my oldest friends. And she is getting married this weekend in Jamaica. After doing some heavy thinking, I decided not to go to the wedding. The rooms were VERY expensive ($500/night!!) and her friends are all pretty snobby. Those were the two main reasons I didn't go.

Well, because most of her friends couldn't afford to go to the actual wedding, she and the new hubby are having a big, phat (oh yes, I am using the "p" version of that word) party next month in Indianapolis to celebrate the wedding a 2nd time stateside. It will be held in a mansion, actually. J's new hubby knows the guy who owns it and so they get to use it for free. The house is WICKED cool and HUGE -- large pool, hot tub, dance floor, a room just for the bar, you name it. There will be a ton of people there, and it will be very glamorous. A lot of J's snooty friends are rich models, so if you can imagine an Indianapolis version of a Playboy mansion party, that's sort of how it's going to be. Very glamorous. Very posh.

So now, I am trying to decide if I want to go to it. Here is my list of PROs:

--It will probably be a super cool party.
--Travel! I love traveling anywhere, anytime.
--Frequent flier miles.
--I can visit other old friends while I'm there in town for the weekend.
--CN said he'd be my date.
--I didn't go to the wedding, and I feel kinda bad, so this would be a good way to make it up to her.
--I have been friends with her forever. It's her friggin wedding. I would be bummed if she didn't go to mine.
--I already have something to wear.

....and CONs:

--I am broke at the moment. It will be about $300 for the flight and at least $200 for the hotel. It's money I don't have to spend. Plus, if CN goes with me, I will feel obligated to pay for his ticket, too. Since we would be in a hotel, we would need to rent a car, probably....that's more money. And of course, I have to buy a wedding present. (Which I'm doing anyway, regardless of whether or not I go to the party. But that is also part of the expenses.)
-- Remember, her friends are snooty. And they are models. So this party probably wouldn't do much for the old ego. And although J and her hubby love me, I know they won't have time to make sure I'm having a good time.
--We aren't as close as we used to be, like I said. I doubt seriously that it would break her heart if I don't go. She will be bummed, but she will get over it pretty quickly.

If money were no object, I would go, no questions asked. So I guess the money is the main thing holding me back. I can put up with snooties for one night.

What would you do??? Help! I need opinions!!!


Phantom Hater said...

You shouldn't pay for CN. If he offered to go, he should pay his own way. Just split things down the middle.

That being said, if you're really broke, I think it might be a waste of money, but then again, you own 667 pairs of shoes, so what's stopping you?

Don't take any opinions from females on this one. We all know women are biologically bad with money.

Matilda Jane said...

I would put in a suggestion, but PH is right.... women are biologically bad with money. I would suggest saving your money... but then I would probably suggest spending your money on something totally needless in the future... like more shoes. So.... memories, or more shoes.

I have this dilemna coming up in the future.... wedding in Upstate NY in January (talk about risk of freezing to death!) for an old friend. I'll need to keep my eye on your readers' opinions.

If CN was intelligent enough to find your blog in the first place, don't you think he would be intelligent enough to make up a fake name and e-mail address so he could keep reading it? Just a thought.

Christy said...

I think you should go. Yes, it is hard to plan a trip somewhere when you have limited funds but think of the fun you would have. Maybe you could talk to CN about the arrangements and come up with some sort of agreement. ie: he pays for the hotel, you the plane tickets and split the rental, etc.

The possibility of your friend not giving you the amount of attention you would like since she is entertaining would suck but maybe you could meet with her later that weekend for lunch or something. Plus, you can have a nice trip with CN (who will show you lots of attention in a nice setting) and show him around your town.

The Dummy said...

Send her a present thanking her for the invite and tell her you can't go?

RWA said...

I agree with the others. Don't feel oblicated to pay for CN.

Is there any chance of driving - rather than flying? Perhaps that would be a bit cheaper, and it would be more "together" time for you and CN.

Just a thought.

Jess said...

If you can't afford it, don't go. Even if you do have fun, you'll be stressed out about all the damn money you're spending that you don't have.

Send the present, stay home with CN and have a lovely weekend.

Carolyn said...

I'd go. It's just money, and yes it may be tight, but scrimp elsewhere (ie less shoes!) and have the memories of her wedding. Like you said, you'd be bummed if she missed yours, and even if you're not so close now, indulge in your high-school selves and remember how back then you wouldn't have missed each other's weddings for the world. Personally, I think the memories and a nice weekend away with CN outweighs the money situation.

Phantom Hater said...

See what I mean? Most of the women advocate saying the heck with the $$ and going anyway. "It's just money" indeed. Bah--females!

I'd say the best thing to do would be to call up your old best friend, provoke a nasty, horrible fight that ends with you furious at her. That way, you won't feel guilty about not going. Now that's some golden advice right there. You're welcome. :)

Megan said...

As someone who just recently got married...GO!

I loved seeing my friends from all walks of life there, it really meant a lot to me.

If you have ~ sell your shoes on Ebay to raise money...or a kidney, you really only need one!

JP said...

I say go. It's going to be an awesome party, at a friggin' mansion, and it'll has the potential to be a great trip with CN. Consider it one of your trips for the year.

Here's what I do: I have money automatically put into a "vacation fund" in my ING savings account. Since it's done automatically, I don't miss the money. And I earn like 4.5% interest. I always know how much I can spend on random trips. (Although I can always pull from the general fund if I need it.)

Burg said...

I say don't go.. I like the "gift sending" idea that somebody else up there had.

I've drifted away from a lot of my hs friends too. A lot of it has to do with their friends, and a lot of it has to do with lifestyle.. So honestly, if it were me, I'd save my money..

Burg said...

Oh yeah.. And I have to say that the women are biologically bad with money thing is totally untrue and a completely man thing to say.. Most of the men I know would blow all their money on toys if it weren't for the women in their lives, with the exception of my mil, who is an idiot in all things, so she doesn't count.

Phantom Hater said...

"Most of the men I know would blow all their money on toys if it weren't for the women in their lives"

Just the sort of thing I would expect a woman to say. ;)

Toys! What's more practical--a 1080p 50" LCD TV or a pair of shoes you'll probably wear twice in your life?

Jen said...

PH - I'll agree with you on the fact that a 1080p 50'' LCD TV is more practical than shoes I'll only wear twice. Actually, make that a 1080p 62'' DLP TV (okay, was my hubby's idea, but I loooooove it). But I can't agree with you on the "women being bad with money" comment. I've worked at a bank for over seven years, and I can tell you from customer experience that guys generally suck at handling finances. And in typical marriages, it is the woman who keeps the checkbook. Wonder why that is?!? :P

VB - If it were me, I'd stay my ass at home and get some one-on-one time with CN. But that's just me. :)

Meghan (The Declaration of MY Independence) said...

OK first off, I agree with everyone when they say that you and CN should split everything. He knew when he accepted your invitation, that there was money involved.

However, if I were in your situation, I wouldnt go b/c of the financial burden. I'm def. someone who stresses about this, and a huge balance on my credit card almost drives me to the brink of insanity. But if you think you can swing it, and dont have a huge credit card bill already, I would say go for it. Its a personal decision.

Here's another thought, but dont expect this: When my old roommate was invited to her friend for high school's wedding in GA (this is kind of the same situation your in right now), she called her to say thank you, but told her that it was too much of a financial obligation for her to go. Her friend actually said that she would pay for her airfare b/c she wanted her to come down. So theres a thought. Call her and tell her about you situation, but like I said, dont expect the same thing.

Phantom Hater said...

~jen - "And in typical marriages, it is the woman who keeps the checkbook. Wonder why that is?!? :P"

Half of typical marriages fail. The number one cause of marital strife? Money. Wonder why that is?!? :P

Working at a bank doesn't make you exempt from genetics. I have three words for that one: Shari Lynn Yarbrough.

mysmileisfake said...

If you're not starving or have pile of bills waiting for you, I'd say go for it. Traveling is always cool.

I think wedding party is one of those times where everyone is happy and chill for no reason at all, and you probably can use that little break yourselves (recall how thinking all the money make you nervous).

I seriously doubt you will have a bad time there even though if those snooty friends are as snooty as you describe them. They will probably give you less attention or ignore you at worst, but I'm sure there will be some nice/interesting people you can meet there. Not to mention the chance to reconnect to an old friend. It will be great.

I actually think CN will offer to pay for himself.

Becky said...

i can totally relate to being broke. but lately we've been going on trips and dealing with being broke after cuz i love to travel too. i think you should go...IF you can really find a way to afford it cuz hello! a trip with CN AND a vacation and fabulous pics and stories. i know her friends are snots but i think you'd still have fun. i try to never pass up a trip if i can afford this is a totally biased opinion!

teahouse said...

Hey, you should feel under no obligation to go if you can't afford it. If she's a good friend, she'll understand. She's had 2 celebrations, and both in places that it would be reasonable that certain invitees wouldn't be able to afford to travel to.

As someone who is planning a wedding, I can tell you that for people who can't make the trip to NYC for it, I totally understand. And if they're good friends, it won't affect our friendship at all. Everyone has financial priorities and must plan accordingly. I wouldn't want anyone to stress out about money to come to my wedding, and if she's a good friend she won't make it an issue at all.

Just give her a call (or email) explaining nicely that you really regret it but you just can't afford to make the trip, then send her a nice present and your best wishes. You can also say something about how if she's ever in SC you'll take her out, etc. Then hunker down and kiss the boy all weekend!!

M said...

if you went how would you pay? credit card? skipping a couple of bills and paying on them later? selling your body on the side to make some extra cash?

frankly, having lived in Indy, i can totally imagine the level of snootiness that you will encounter. ( yuck!) but since you are going to celebrate a friend's wedding, you don't have to worry about clique-y snobs. you are loved by your friends so snobs be damned! for today. if you can swing it financially, go!

Just A Girl said...

She will notice and remember that you didn't come. Believe me. I was that long time friend bride.

Is there any possibility you could stay at a friends house or family members house to save hotel money?

Or make arrangements for a car ride from a friend or family member to the party instead of a rental?

Don't pay for cn. He's a big boy, he can do it on his own.

If you want, we can start a little donation fund for you. I'm sure all of us would be willing to chip in $10 if we knew it was going for the trip.

Jen said...

PH - "Working at a bank doesn't make you exempt from genetics."

Re-read my post. I didn't claim that because I work at a bank, it makes me financially superior to men. What I said was that the majority of customers I see that are overdrawn or simply don't understand where their money has gone are men.

Phantom Hater said...

Probably because a woman got hold of their checkbook and didn't tell them what they bought...

OK, I'm done. I was just teasing. :)

Women are generally fine with money. Red-headed women, however, are terrible with it.


Virginia Belle said...

people, people!!! Jeez louise, why are we bringing gender into this???

aaargh. you're lucky i like my readers. :)

leave it to PH to run around the blogosphere, being a douchebag monkey and irritating everyone. LOL

please, guys, do not feed the douche. it's for your own safety and his.

i have decided i am not going to go. she hasn't been the a super good friend to me lately, and i really don't need any more credit card debt right now. i have been living paycheck to paycheck for some time now, and so why make it worse? i am going to apologize and send a gift via mail.

yeah, yeah, i suck, i know.

Sam said...

I was going to say you should go, because it would be a great way to tell if CN is really a good guy. There is nothing like a trip out of his comfort zone to a place without any of his friends to see how he will cope with it all. But, you have made a good financial decision, so we'll have to test him another time! (Do you like how I put myself into the mix?)

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