Thirteen Signs I Have Pack Rat Tendencies
(On a totally unrelated note, wouldn't that make a great band name??? Pack Rat Tendencies!)
1. I have kept every issue of Real Simple magazine I've received since I started my subscription 2 years ago. Most of them have not even been read yet. But it is the most awesome magazine EVER so I don't care. I will read them one day. As soon as I'm done reading all my other magazines....Allure, Marie Claire, Better Homes & Gardens, Country Living, Cosmo....oh, and I used to have Glamour, but I stopped renewing it because....I didn't have time to read it. Obviously. Anyway, I'm pretty good about chucking all the magazines except Real Simple.
2. I have two shoeboxes devoted to sample-sized Clinique products (from those free gifts) and toiletries. When I travel, I have little samples of everything!
3. There is a gigantic pile of papers in the corner of my bedroom. In it are: monthly updates on my 401(k)s, the top part of all my paid bills, pay stubs, receipts that need to be shredded, bank statements, anything having to do with my house, any receipts I will need for taxes, and anything deemed important enough to file away. Somewhere in there is my sadly under-used passport. And probably a nest of small woodland creatures, by this point.
4. I have kept most of my college textbooks. The ones that were interesting to me, anyway. I haven't really used them since college, but....I love them. And the $3.99 bin at Books a Million? I will have armfuls by the time I reach the register. "After all, I AM a librarian," I tell myself.
5. I recently forced myself to clean out my makeup drawers. Yes, I said drawers. I had some makeup in there from high school. We're talking 1995, people. And even then, it was only my inner germ-o-phobe who talked me into it. Nevermind that I hadn't worn that eyeshadow since I took trigonometry.
6. I have banned myself from going into craft stores. Why? Because I have a plastic roller cart full of impulse buys: acrylic paints, stencils, scrapbooking stuff, a hot glue gun, something called Modge Podge, glitter, beaded trim, confetti, stickers and who knows what else. I have not touched any of it. But I want to.
7. Is it too small? Beat up? Out of style? No biggie. I will make room in my closet. (Although, I am getting better about this as I get older.) I have some bras that are so ill-fitting, I haven't worn them in years. But they were expensive, and dammit, I'm going to get my money's worth!
8. You know how much I love office supplies. Well, guess who owns approximately 25 Post-it notepads. And markers in every color. And fluorescent-colored notebook paper. And 3-ring notebooks, complete with dividers, purchased specifically because they match the fluorescent notebook paper. And 10 or so sets of little notecards for me to write thank-you notes. Index cards, paper clips, more than one stapler, Sharpies, highlighters....need I go on? Keep in mind that few, if any of these items are being used.
9. I have a drawer in my house devoted to memorabilia from every ex-boyfriend since college. I keep it for the sole reason that The Czarina told me to, because "one day you'll have a daughter and she will want to look at all that stuff!"
Number of times I have looked at my mother's box of old love letters from pre-Dad boyfriends: 0.
(I should chuck that stuff, huh? Actually, at this point, I am wanting to do a MAJOR expulsion of all unnecessary items in my home!!! Yeesh! On a good note, though, I am far, FAR better than my roommate, E. That girl needs to go to Clutterers Anonymous!)
10. My boyfriend makes fun of the absurd number of socks I own. For some reason, I always think I need more socks. So I buy them in bulk. And now my sock drawer won't close.
11. At any given time, I have in my kitchen:
no fewer than 5 boxes of brownie/cake mix.
At least 2 kinds of chips.
Several varieties of candy.
2 flavors of ice cream.
2 kinds of cereal.
Something chocolate and baked.
2 boxes of Chicken Quesadilla Lean Pockets
2 types of shredded cheese
3 cans of beans
4 cans of soup
Probably 35 varieties of spices/herbs
10 types of sauce/condiments/marinades
(there's more, but you get my drift)
Shit, I think I just realized why I'm broke all the time! Time to clean out the cupboard!!
12. I have a back-up of everything for the bathroom: soap, shampoo, conditioner, shaving cream, everything. Except an extra toothbrush, which CN and I realized only when it was very late and he didn't feel like crossing the street to go brush his teeth because he was too tired.
"Do you realize you have thirteen rolls of toilet paper in your bathroom?" he said to me the other day. I had them piled everywhere in there.
"Yeah. I mean, it's not like it will go bad. Buying in bulk saves money. And they didn't have a 6-roll size in the kind I like. What?" I replied.
He just laughed and shook his head. I told him to shut up or else I would make him bring his own toilet paper from now on.
13. I have intangibles, too. There are my 20 or so Voices in my Head. My emotional baggage from past relationships. My innumerable guilt trips. The umpteen flaws in my body that I see when I am naked and in front of a mirror. My fears and hopes. All those things I wish I could say, but don't. I collect all of these, too. Just in case I need them one day.