Thursday 13

Yeah, I'm too lazy to dig up the code and copy it here. Sue me.

13 Things Weighing on My Mind Today

1. Today was the day I got the news that my baby brother died. He was 18. Sudden drowning accident. No time to say goodbye. It's the two-year anniversary. If you have been paying attention, he died 8 months before my dad died. There is (obviously) more I can say about this, but I don't want to talk about it any more today.

2. I estimate I have spent between $700-800 on medical bills since March. The good news? My dentist is the BEST EVER. I didn't even feel anything when they filled my cavity today. I almost fell asleep, actually. It was a walk in the park.

3. I need to find a part-time job for some cash! Soon!

4. Sammy needs some discipline stat before he becomes the most obnoctious dog in the neighborhood. Sammy also cost me $800. (If you include the vet bills.)

5. I have to figure out what I'm going to do on my weeklong vacation now that I'm not going to Germany. It has to be free or close-to-free. See #1 and #2 above. Luckily, I have a free domestic round-trip Delta flight. If they cooperate with me this time. Must think of something fun...

6. I'm seriously going to think about a career change and actually do something about it. I'm tired of letting other people make me doubt myself and my goals. I (think) I know what I want to do. Life is too short to wait around. I'm really excited.

7. God, I hope none of my coworkers are still reading this blog. I don't know what they would think about #6.

8. Repo has no idea I keep this blog. He probably wouldn't like it, even though he is totally anonymous here and none of his friends know about this. I don't really know what to do about that because as hard as I try not to talk about my relationship here, it just keeps creeping in. But I am being pretty good at leaving the personal stuff out. There's LOTS I'm not telling you guys. He'd be pretty impressed, actually.

9. I have a grand total of $5.41 in my checking account right now. Oh, and $2.oo in my wallet. I think. Thank God for payday.

10. I haven't been exercising or eating right in about a month. My ass is expanding at the speed of light and soon I won't be able to fit into any of my clothes. Luckily, the doctor told me that I can now take showers (YAY) and go to the gym (YAY) without bothering my ass-wound. I just have to change the band-aid ASAP in those situations. Oh, and I don't have to go to the doctor anymore and get my ass stuffed. This is awesome.

11. I hope I can find some decent rhubarb at the grocery store. I want to bake a pie (in addition to a ton of other stuff, like tapioca pudding) this weekend. Shit, this conflicts directly with #10. And #9.

12. I owe at least $17 at the public library. [Insert irony here. I am a librarian who is blocked from using the library.] What do I really feel like doing this weekend? Reading. Since I'm broke and have no travel plans and don't have Monday off anyway. But that's ok. I have lots of purchased books at my house. Like this one, which I will start tonight.

13. I have about 25 Vicodins left. And no pain as an excuse to use them. I am missing the buzz. For real. I am why this stuff is Rx only. Addiction is my middle name. You'd be like that too if you couldn't drink alcohol and didn't do any drugs. I crave being f--ked up sometimes.

14. (Shut it. This is my blog. If I want 14 in a list of 13, that is my business.) I am sad for K and Navy Guy. This is their last weekend together because he is getting shipped out from Norfolk, VA on June 2nd. He will be gone for 6 months. When he gets back, he will live in Norfolk. They are very sad and I think they will probably end up breaking up. I will miss seeing him. So will Sammy. Nice guy. If he's in town, he cleans our apartment while we are at work. It makes me sad to hear situations like this. There is no way they would break up if it weren't for this little glitch. Six months at sea followed by three years of a seven hour driving distance doesn't look good.

Please do not worry about me. I just re-read this list and it sounds so pessimistic! I am not moping, I promise. I'm actually in a very excited state--I can feel lots of changes coming around the bend. The good, action-packed, making better use of my life kind of changes. Most of my stress is coming from financial stuff right now. And I'm lucky that is the main source, because I can do something about it. I have my health back mostly (finally!) and that is really important. So is the fact that no one else in my family is dying. It could be so much worse. Luckily, I have good friends, a sweet boyfriend and a very funny little dog to make me happy. I'll be ok.

Just need to use that $2.00 to buy a lottery ticket!