Anniversary

Please, let's all take a moment today to think about and remember.....and if you want, please pray with me for the victims and the families and friends of everyone who died that day.

It's been 7 years, but it still brings tears to my eyes, just thinking about it.

I was a teacher in NC when it happened. I had to look into the eyes of children, not knowing what to say as they cried and looked to adults around them for reassurance. It was hard to hide from them how scared I was. I probably didn't do a very good job. How do you explain something like that to innocent kids? It was a day full of shock, hopelessness and horror. I can only imagine what it must have been like for those who experienced the chaos, terror and sadness more closely to home. God bless them.

Wish Us Luck

Tomorrow morning, CN and I leave for Virginia to go visit The Czarina. And my little sister Smurf. And my younger brother Fungus. And a ton of other people. The only person he won't get to meet is Fat Dog, because he will be out of town, a groomsman in a good friend's wedding this weekend. Which is unfortunate, since Fat Dog is really fun and easy to be around.

We will be up in my hometown for four days. This Saturday is the annual BBQ held in honor of my dad's birthday. The Czarina has hosted it every year at her house since he passed away 3 years ago.

We have a big buffet of BBQ pork and all the fixin's. We have fireworks. There's lots of drinking and story telling. It's such a mix of people, too -- not just my immediate family, but all of our family friends...and everyone brings their kids.....and dogs......so I would say that the age range here is anything from 80-something down to newborn. But heavy on the 60+ crowd, all of whom are very conservative, highly educated, staunch Republicans. (I swear, most of them are fun after their 3rd scotch.)

I really look forward to this annual event. Good food, family, good friends, a nice summer evening in the country under the stars...what's not to love? Sounds like a great time, right?

Unfortunately, since I am someone my boyfriend describes as "always excited about something", I think I went a little overboard this time. When I invited him to go with me a few months back, our conversation went something like this:

VB: Ok, guess what!

CN: What.

VB: Every year! at the end of June! my mom throws a huge party! and everyone comes over! and eats BBQ! and drinks all day! and then we watch fireworks.

CN: Oh yeah?

VB: [growing excited] Yeah! And I thought it would be fun if you came with me this year! It's a huge party and it's so much fun! Everyone will be SO excited to meet you! [eyebrows raised expectantly] So....you wanna go?

CN: Sure, babe. How many people are we talking about?

VB: [slightly confused as to why that question is important] Oh, like a hundred or so. [switching back to the high-pitched excited voice] Anyway, my mom will be SO excited to meet you! And so will Smurf...and my brothers....hey! You wanna shoot guns with my brothers while we're up there? They love to do target practice! And you can meet Howard, and the P family and my mom's cousin, and...

CN: [I'm not sure, but I bet this was the point where his eyes started to glaze over.]

VB: [undaunted, I am now on to all the activities we can do on our long weekend in my hometown]...and I can show you where I went to elementary school! and we can visit the college where my dad used to teach! and I can show you this supercool store downtown! OH! and we can drive out to the old house where I grew up! It is so cool. It was built in 1840 and--

CN: [Stopping the verbal excitement gushing from my big mouth] Hey, hey, hey. Wait. Um, ok. That sounds cool. We can do that. It's just that based on what you've told me about your mom...

VB: Yeah, yeah. I know. My mom is Queen of Loaded Questions. I am a little worried she will chew you up and spit you out. Ugh, she can be so judgemental. And close-minded. And snooty. Sometimes. Hopefully, she won't be like that with you. She will love you. Maybe I can just answer her questions for you....

CN: That won't be necessary.

VB: OH! I have a great idea! Here's the thing. She will be running around like a chicken with her head cut off, because of the party. So she probably won't even have time to really have a major heart-to-heart with you! She'll probably talk to you for like, 30 minutes, and that will be it! Yay!

CN: Yay...? Ok. [He is laughing at me now]

VB: Oh! You know what would be really good? You should offer to help her get ready for the party. She will LOVE that. And remember, don't put your feet on the furniture, don't sleep in, and don't leave dirty dishes all over the place. Those are her pet peeves. But we can go all over this again in the car on the way up there. OOOH!!! I am so excited to introduce you to everyone!!! There are so many people who will just love to meet you!

CN: [giving a deer in headlights look] *gulp* How many people did you say were coming to this thing?

VB: [again, confused as to the relevancy of this question] Like a hundred. Maybe 75. But at least 50. It lasts all day and all night. Sometimes, people even come over for breakfast the next morning. Don't worry. I'll keep you away from all the people who only talk about politics. And the people who will ask nosy questions about our relationship. I need to remember not to wear any of those shirts that old people mistake for pregnancy clothes. Dear Lord, that's the last thing I need...OH! And before I forget, you will be sharing your room with 3 guys.

CN: [slightly panicky] Share? Three?

VB: Yeah. My mom's house only has three bedrooms. [with sympathy] Oh, I know, sweetie. I know how you can't sleep with strangers in the room, and you can't sleep through snoring. And just so you know, Fungus is kind of a night owl, so he will probably be in and out of the room all night...but you can bring your ear plugs and Tylenol PM, right? You should be fine with that, right?

CN: I hope so. Are you forgetting?

VB: Oh probably. Let me think...what else should I tell you...*thinks about how else to describe our trip to my hometown*

CN: No, I mean you are forgetting things. Like...I don't like parties.

VB: [quietly] Oh. Yeah. Right.

CN: Or lots of attention and fuss all over me.

VB: [even quieter] Oh. Ok.

CN: Or people.

VB: [whispering, at this point] Oh.

*I look at my lap*

*realization sets in*

VB: So, everything I just told you is...bad? And I just freaked you out?

CN: Pretty much.

VB: I'm sorry. Sometimes, I forget that you're not a social butterfly like me, babe. Crap. See, I forget about that stuff, because you always seem to enjoy going to parties with me. You had fun at Mr. Bill's. And at my Lasagna Night.

CN: Yeah, but I know you. And I know Mr. Bill. And your friends. Plus, there's beer. You are the one who gets excited about social interaction. I just get nervous.

VB: [excited expression returning to my face] So.....we should just get a lot of cold beer before showing up at my mom's?

CN: Yeah, that would probably be a good idea. Because right now, I'm really anxious and nervous, based on what you just told me. I will definitely need a beer upon arrival.

VB: Ok, we can do that. And if you need to get away, you can just tell people you have to walk Sammy! Or you have to find me! Or you have to pee! Ok? And I'll bring some Xanax, so let me know if you need one.

CN: Ok. I'll be fine. Just stop making a big deal out of everything.

VB: But babe, that's what I do. Duh.

Because of this conversation, and its subsequent additions (no, I can't help it), I have not brought up the trip home in the last 2 days, as a way to allow CN to relax and decompress before showtime. It's probably too late to convince him to relax, but it's better than nothing.

Meanwhile, my overactive imagination has been scheming up all sorts of horrible scenarios, many of which involve rudeness and screaming, leading to the resumption of my cigarette smoking. Gah. Just thinking about all of this right now makes me want to grab a pack on the way home, just to get warmed up.

The truth is, I have never brought home a boyfriend. Not like this. Not to stay for a weekend. And meet EVERYONE. So I have no idea how this is going to go. I guess if it goes horribly, I will have a good story to tell, right? Ugh.

Pray for me. And wish us luck.

Shirley Temples

"You know what? I'd actually like a Shirley Temple, please," I said to our favorite bartender (OFB).

Surprised at the change from my usual Diet Coke, he threw in some extra maraschino cherries for me. I thanked him.

It was nice to have something different to drink. I stirred it with my straw, watching the Sprite and the grenadine swirl together. I had fun digging the cherries out from the bottom of my tall glass. I sipped away, enjoying the old familiar taste. It made me remember one of my favorite childhood memories.

When I was very young, there was a bar/restaurant near our house. They made great pizza, and when my dad wanted a late night snack, he would go there and get carry-out pizza. Knowing my mom hated bars and was not a night owl, he would wake me up instead and take me with him to wait on the pizza. I would sit next to him at the bar, in my red footie pajamas. He would drink a beer. I would drink a Shirley Temple, footie feet swinging in the air. I loved the feeling of being a kid, hanging out with the grown-ups. It felt like a secret we were keeping from The Czarina -- me out way past my bedtime, drinking sugary drinks and eating pizza. I don't remember how the pizza tasted, or if the bartender would talk to us. But I do remember how special Dad managed to make me feel, even from a young age.

I smiled, recalling the vague memories, and missing my dad. Lost in my thoughts, I suddenly realized I'd been sitting there, undisturbed, for quite some time. Unfortunately, Wild Wings was pretty dead. Not nearly as fun and crowded as the night before. This time, it was just me, two girlfriends and OFB.

Normally, the three of us can carry the whole bar, laughing, flirting and carrying on with anyone and everyone. But tonight, I was on my own. My girls were otherwise occupied with their respective boyfriends. Both of them sat on their cell phones, arguing with their men for most of the evening. And when they weren't on the phone, arguing, they were bitching about their men to me.

One couple has been dealing with jealousy/family issues. The other couple has been together since they were teenagers and have never really dated anyone else. Their relationship expired about a year ago, yet they have been hanging on for dear life, out of convenience, comfort or terror. Or maybe all three.

"Wow, I sure am glad I'm single right now. I definitely don't miss any of this crap!" I thought. In the middle of their venting, I looked at OFB and just rolled my eyes. He laughed.

Later, when the girls were both in the bathroom, I said to him, "They fight all the time. I wish they'd just break up already! It's so ridiculous!" He laughed again.

After another Shirley Temple, I called it a night and escaped to my stable, calm and wonderfully boring Single Girl life.

Last night, I went out with another group of friends. We went to dinner, despite the obvious absence of one of our core group members. I almost asked why she wasn't with us, when I remembered: she has a boyfriend.

Do you have a friend who disappears on you once they start dating someone? Yeah, that's her. She does this every time she's got a new man.

Her name was brought up, and we began to discuss this new guy she's dating. I met him briefly a few months ago, and I was not impressed-- I thought he was boring and drank too much. But that was really all I had to go on. It turns out that my instincts were right. One of us, through mutual friends, found out the scoop on this guy:

1. He is about 35, and is still smoking pot.

2. He got a DUI a few months ago. This has not curtailed his drinking at all, just his driving. So now our friend is driving his drunk ass around everywhere.

3. Because she's hanging out with an alcoholic, her already slightly elevated alcohol intake has doubled. So now she is driving around like this. If she gets a DUI, it would seriously affect her career. Like, permanently.

4. She is so hung over nowadays, she has stopped going to the gym. (How much drinking do you have to be doing to be hungover that often???) And I'm sure she's been hungover at work, if not calling in sick entirely.

5. This boyfriend of hers doesn't have a job. Oh, he kinda "helps out" with his friend's home business. Whatever that means. He has no benefits at all from this "job".

6. She has been saving up money to buy a house. He is going to move in with her when she does this. And apparently, continue mooching.

7. He has a child that he he doesn't support or see. We do not know if he has informed our friend that he has a child. We happen to know about it through a random coincidence. As far as we know, he is hiding this fact from her. (We wouldn't know, because we don't see her anymore.)

8. The mother of the child, described as a "psycho drug addict", told him she doesn't want to have anything to do with him until he "gets his act cleaned up". WOW.

9. If they do get married (as I'm sure my friend wants to do -- she has marriage on the brain, to a fault), I am worried that the Baby Mama will hear about it and suddenly want some child support money. And since he's a freeloader, it will have to come out of my friend's paycheck. Not to mention, I know she would also add him on to her health care benefits.

What a winner, huh? I think he's got every single red flag a guy can have, short of physical abuse.

The worst part about it is, my friend is the kind of girl who doesn't respond to concerned friends. If we approached her to express our concerns, she would become defensive, make excuses and justify everything. So we are helpless. All we can do is sit back and watch her screw up her life.

I just hope she's using protection, because he is not the kind of guy you want fathering your children. But knowing her, she would use an unplanned pregnancy as an excuse to get married.

Ugh.

Maybe being single isn't that bad. I can enjoy my Shirley Temples in peace.

Czarina-Land

"I can't wait to help you decorate! Your place is going to be so cute!" exclaimed The Czarina the night before driving down here.

"Ok, cool! Thanks, Mom!" I replied.

The Czarina, her best friend and Smurf (my little sister) all arrived in record time on the morning of the 4th. "Let's shop!" she said.

Boy, she wasn't kidding. The Czarina is quite the penny-pincher most of the time, but when she gets excited to shop, she goes crazy. And luckily, she and her best friend not only have fun decorating, but they are really good at it.

For 48 hours, we had a home decor binge-fest: Target, Wal-Mart, Linens n Things, Bed Bath & Beyond, Staples, TJ Maxx, Marshall's, Ross (like a TJ Maxx or a Marshall's), craft stores, fabric stores and even some online shopping. We shopped so much, that I think for the first time in my life, I am shopped-out. I have been sitting at home all day today, loving the fact that I do not have to drive anywhere. After shopping all day, we would come back to my house, order some take-out, unpack everything we bought and begin moving furniture around. I think that the entire time they were here, we had about 2 conversations which weren't about home decorating. We were obsessed. But it's ok. It worked out well.

My bedroom looks fantastic -- we added shams and a bedskirt on my bed, managed to fit in my white wicker chair and moved the tables around. Now, it is a cool combination of willow green and white. Very relaxing.

My living room looks fantastic, too -- we adjusted the original color scheme at the last second. We were going to go with chocolate, light blue and paprika.

Instead, it will be white, light blue, lemon yellow and a soft leaf green. I am awaiting some pillows with a paisley pattern encompassing all of these colors -- The Czarina is making them for me. If there is one thing in this world I love, it's a paisley pattern. My lame vertical blinds (which were ugly and made a lot of clattering noise) have been replaced by gauzy, white curtains, letting in a lot more light. We also got almost-white slipcovers (we tried everything, but were unable to find white ones) on my couches. It's amazing what 2 slipcovers can do. Even though they are an oatmeal kind of color, it still looks great. I finally bought the lamp I've been craving for eons and it looks fantastic on my glass table. Combined with the pale blue walls, my living room is "bright and floaty and beachy", according to The Czarina.

And yes, I will take pictures and share. Eventually. You should know by now I'm not a huge picture-taker.

While she was here, we also hired a landscaper to re-do the urban jungle that is my backyard. You know it's bad when the landscaper sees your backyard in its current state and laughs. *sigh* Anyway, he's going to put in some white crepe myrtles and red azalea bushes, and sod the rest of it. I can't wait. And he wasn't nearly as expensive as I thought he'd be. Then again, my yard is teeny tiny.

"This is your early birthday and Christmas present for the next 3 years," The Czarina said.

"Yes ma'am. Thank you. Don't worry, I'll change your diapers when you're old. Would you like me to rub your feet when we get home?" I replied.

We had a lot of fun and were so exhausted by the end of each day, meeting up with my friends for dinner or touring around town to see the sights was just out of the question. So hopefully, my friends aren't upset that they didn't get to meet The Czarina. *crickets chirping* I'm sure they would have done the same thing, right? I mean, let's let the woman shop!

She was in a really great mood, and we didn't get on each others' nerves like we usually do. It felt more like shopping with girlfriends than with my mom. I think it's because her best friend came with her, and she served really well as a referee. At one point, I was getting frustrated, because Czarina kept trying to get me to put fake plants in my house (if there is one thing in this world that I hate, it's fake plants). And since Czarina was the one buying most of what we got, I felt weird telling her how to spend her money. I mean, if someone's offering to pay to spruce up your house, you don't argue. You just say, "Yes, please!" -- right? Anyway. Somehow, my mom's best friend not only picked up on my total disgust at the idea of fake plants, she also managed to talk The Czarina out of it. WHEW.

"Next time, we'll come back for a social visit and meet your friends and go hit all the sights," Czarina and her best friend said.

"Hopefully, that will be a calendar year from now," I thought. (I am also Mommed-out)

Don't get me wrong. I love my mother. Very much. I mean, look how awesomely generous she is. It's just that she can be a little.....domineering. And at age 28, I'm getting a teensy bit tired of it. But I just try and take deep breaths and remember that it all comes from love. And yes, I am grateful that I like 90% of her decorating ideas. That saves us a LOT of irritation.

Now that she's gone, I am left to finish up a lot of her great ideas: I have about 4 pieces of furniture to paint, so they will look better in my house. But I'm going to hold off on these little projects until I get back from my New York City/Vermont trip.

3 days and counting! WOO HOO!!

P.S. Cute Neighbor update:

Just before I sat down to type this post, I was walking the dogs. Who approaches me? Cute Neighbor. Yeah. He walked over as I was heading back inside. He apologized for being MIA on Lasagna Night and then explained that on the same day, he had found out his dad has cancer and there isn't anything that can be done. So I'm thinking that's about as good as excuses get. I told him I was sorry to hear the news.

Ugh, poor guy. I can tell he's bummed out. "I didn't mean to come over here and bum you out," he said.

"It's ok, I sort of know how it is," I replied. Then I told him about WLF (my dad) and Gulgie (my baby brother) and how they died 8 months apart. We talked for a while about what it's like to lose family members and I told him about my NYC trip. He told me about playing the drums. Just casual conversation. I could tell he was mainly thinking about his dad, so we didn't talk long. It felt too weird to change the subject. He just left a few minutes ago, and said he's definitely in for the next lasagna night. Which I have suddenly scheduled for tomorrow.

Just kidding.

Southern Survival 101: Stuff I Missed

OMG this is so fun writing these!!! Because, you don't really stop to think about these things when you live it day-to-day. When you stop and look at our lifestyle as an outsider would, it is really bizarre. I'm glad y'all like reading them, too. Y'all bring up big things I keep missing, and I am so grateful. I'm wondering if we'll ever stop talking about Southern food! Examples:

Charming is correct about our love of seafood and frying it, especially in states where there is a coastline. We do, indeed, fry a lot of fish down here. I forgot to mention that. It's not unusual to have a Fish Fry as the main annual fund raiser for the Volunteer Fire Department. (In rural areas, we have volunteer fire depts. Is this true everywhere?) I also forgot about Mississippi Mud, which is a deliciously sloppy chocolate dessert. I think there are marshmallows in it, too. I dunno. It's been a while. I just remember it's very messy. And you're right, Charming, I think there are nuts in it. Thank you for correcting me on my assumption everyone in LA is Catholic. Again, I am exposing my ignorance! Y'all really are so much different than us "Eastcoasters"! I had no idea. And thanks for bringing up "parishes". That is another thing unique to LA. I didn't realize how Catholicism affects Spring Break or chain restaurant menus in LA. Thank you for bringing that up--it's very interesting!

Meghan, if I went to a party and all you had was a keg and a couple of bags of chips, I would think either A) "Oh shit, I forgot to bring something. We were all supposed to chip in!" or B) "OMG. Starve us, why don't you! How rude!" or C) "She ain't from 'roun here." Also, most of the time, if you say, "Oh, yeah, I made that low-fat!" then at least one person will say, "What'd ya do that for? It takes all the flavor out!" Oh, and it's considered "old school" to demand a glass out of which to drink your beer. Just old-fashioned ladies do that. Also, old school ladies don't walk around with a lit cigarette -- they sit down to smoke. Weird, I know. And no, I will not give you a crab dip recipe so you can make it with Miracle Whip. That is a crime down here. We just simply cannot condone such an act. Miracle Whip in your crab dip! PSH! Yankees! *rolls eyes*

As far as lingering around after church is concerned, you have to remember that back in the day, church was often the only time you went into town, so that's the only time you're going to see anyone outside of your family. We were (and still are) very rural down here. I think that's where all the socializing came from. And your friend who went from SB to Greek Orthodox? Holy cow. Not only is that one heck of a stretch, she might have been written out of the will. I'm not kidding. And I forgot to talk about how alcohol sales can vary from city to city, county to county and state to state:

In NC, the counties run all alcohol sales. There is no such thing as a private liquor store. In VA, the state runs it, and the selection BLOWS. You have one choice of everything. So. Lame. I don't even know where you can buy wine, as I don't remember seeing it for sale anywhere in VA. You can buy beer in gas stations, though. In SC, you can buy beer and wine in grocery stores, but not hard liquor. We do have privately owned liquor stores here in SC, which I have to say, is kind of unusual. But if you want to drink alcohol on a Sunday, you have to go to a restaurant or hope you've got some leftover from the night before at your house. (I'm not totally aware of alcohol sales anyplace I live, because I don't drink. So there's more to it than that.....I'm sure there's some weird law I'm forgetting.)

Glad you brought up the bugs, though. Will have to discuss that in a future post.

Kimmykins -- yes, Mrs. Fearnow's canned Brunswick Stew is an excellent substitute. And yes, sometimes we put sweet pickles on our ham biscuits, too. It's excellent. And yes, you're right about SBs -- there are many many different kinds. There is a whole spectrum. Sounds like you're one of the SBs who makes sense. :) Hope I didn't offend. The vast majority of SBs are perfectly normal and good people. Like I said, I have lots of SB friends.

Mieke -- we don't have Goodberry's custard here. I've never heard of it. Will keep my eyes peeled. Frozen custard could possibly be my all-time favorite food.

RWA -- yeah, we do eat turkeys....that was an unfair statement in retrospect. It's just that at the Belle house, the ham is the star of the show. Sometimes we don't even fool with a turkey. Especially if my brothers found/hunted some venison. Glad to hear y'all eat Brunswick stew, too. Man, it's good stuff. And thanks for clarifying about the rumor that Alabamans put mayo in their BBQ sauce. I thought that sounded funny.

Grewuprural -- Oh man, you have opened up a can of worms by bringing up scrapple! First off, it's not a Southern thing. You cannot buy it at our stores. I do believe it's a mid-Atlantic thing, because you can buy it in VA, MD and PN. WLF and The Czarina used to get into arguments about whether or not it's a Southern food. I think WLF was wrong, because no one here's ever heard of scrapple. (I have had it and I like it. Tastes like sausage.) The scraps from the pigs down here (and often, chit'lins are included in this) are eaten by poor people only. Sounds bad, I know. But the nasty piggy parts are what "po' white trash" eat. More on them later.

Christina -- yes, good idea! I should do that!!! The only problem is, I don't know how to make most of this stuff.....hard to believe, I know. But I'm sure I've got some recipes floating around somewhere. I'll let you know. The thing is, you need special equipment for a lot of the recipes: cast iron skillet for cornbread, deep fryer for hush puppies, e.g. I don't have some of the equipment, plus, it's pretty fattening stuff, so I don't normally make it at home.

Amy -- you are living in BBQ heaven, btw. Memphis is my personal favorite style. So tangy. Mmmmmmm!!! And you are totally right about peach ice cream. It's VERY popular down here. Probably because we grow so many peaches. The Czarina used to make preserves and pickle things, too. She makes a fantastic chow chow. (Goes great with beef!) But her best is probably her strawberry preserves. They kick ass. And yes, biscuits need Crisco, lard, bacon grease...something! Your meemaw is old school if she makes neckbones!!! WOW. I, too, don't think I would try that. Another thing you'd have to grow up with. I completely forgot about deep fried chicken livers!!! Czarina loooooooves them. That's another thing you'll see on a BBQ buffet. I am having a hard time seeing how you cook your ham in a skillet. You must slice it up first...because there's no way a 15 lb ham will fit in a frying pan. I have never heard of such a thing. Oh, and you are completely correct in your explanation of cleaning/caring for cast iron. I forgot some people call crawfish "mudbugs". Thanks for the reminder!

coffeesnob -- thank you. I tried to be fair, but some of it does indeed humor me!

mc-- I like that joke. It's kinda true, actually.....tee hee! Some Baptists are closet drinkers!!! And they most certainly don't have booze at their weddings. Not even at funerals. I'm talking a totally alcohol-free lifestyle here. Grape juice at church instead of wine.

MJ-- yes! I can't believe I forgot that!!! Meetings in the secular world have prayers. You'll see people blessing their food in restaurants....lots of praying here in general. It will surprise you if you're not from 'roun here. And you don't believe in Jesus??? OMG, I am friends with a heathen! *faints*

meish -- Oh, I can't believe I forgot to mention bars! Thank you! On Fridays, bars close at 2am. (This was an adjustment for me, because in IN, they never close before 3am) On Saturdays, it's 1am. You gotta get up the next morning for church, ya know. There are some bars who can get away with staying open later than that, but that is unusual and inconsistent. So yeah, you'll never hear of someone coming home from the bars at 4am. They'd have to explain where they've been for the last 2 hours. ;) I have no idea what the hours are in bars on Sundays. Going out on a Sunday night is pretty much unheard of.....I'm sure college students do it. (This is just in SC, btw. I can't speak for the rest of the South....readers??? Help!)

lowtide-- I can't believe I forgot that! Yes, the SB church is ALWAYS the biggest building (or at least the biggest church) in town. That seems to be their "thing." And yes, church suppers (dinner = lunch, supper = dinner...another weird Southernism) often have 5 types of fried chicken, 3 kinds of mac n cheese, two different sweet potato casseroles and 5 different cakes. And yeah, we always have deviled eggs. I've heard it said that you're not a True Southern Belle unless you own a deviled egg plate. (And in case you're wondering, YES, I do own one.) Oh boy. You brought up The War. That is a whole different can of worms. More about Northern Aggression later. Let's not get ahead of ourselves. ;) Can everyone just hold off on this topic for a bit? We still have to get through football and slang!

Ya know what aspect of religion I forgot to talk about, y'all? We have a higher percentage of Jehovah's Witnesses down here, I think. I know they are everywhere, but I really think we have more of them in the South. You occasionally hear about the little kids who don't have birthday parties or of people who won't accept blood transfusions. If you are scratching your head right now, read the link above. It will explain what I'm talking about. They take the Bible even more literally than the SBs. Witnesses are hard-core.

I'm not sure about this either, but I think we have a large number of open-casket funerals down here. (Readers, I need your help on this one) They kind of creep me out -- we don't do that in my family. But I know some families who only have open-casket. (Ooh, this is a good transition paragraph, as funerals are where food and church intersect!!) Now, when someone dies, everyone in town--even people you haven't seen in years and people you don't know--will bring you food. TONS of food. (I want you to imagine what "tons" of food looks like. Now double it. That's what I'm talking about.) Typical funeral food includes: casseroles, deviled eggs, potato salad, fruit salad, mac n cheese (I swear, someone always brings this!), sliced ham, fried chicken, biscuits, red velvet cake, pound cake, etc. Some people bring booze. (Maybe this is just my family??) Within hours of the passing, your kitchen will be full of food. As in, "Holy cow. Where am I going to put these baked beans??? Seriously???!!" Because people don't just bring small amounts of this stuff. They fill up those aluminum lasagna pans with food. Each person brings food for 20.

Oh, and just because someone stops by to visit for a bit and bring you food doesn't mean they are coming to the funeral. Really, just your closest family friends attend the funeral. Anyone in town can stop by with food. Your neighbors, whom you've never talked to, because they live 3 miles down the road, found out about the death while they were down at the post office, where they heard about it from your youngest son's 2nd grade teacher. Who's on her way to your house with a huge pan of cornbread., even though your youngest son just graduated college and you haven't talked to the teacher in 15 years. So don't be surprised if your neighbors show up to both introduce themselves and give you their condolences. Complete with a pan of creamed corn. (See how things work around here?)

This is why, after the funeral at church, everyone goes back to your house and helps you eat it. There's usually a lot of drinking, too. So I guess, in a way, this is much like a wake. Southerners know that food is the best thing to bring when someone dies because: grieving people don't feel like cooking, lots of people are going to be coming over and you have to feed them, plants might die on you too and it's tacky to give money. So food it is.

Speaking of food...

I forgot to mention tomato aspic. THAT is a Southern dish. Very old-school. If you don't know what it is, imagine tomato Jell-O. "Ew" is right. We also do a lot of chicken n dumplings, but I have heard they eat that out west, so I don't know if that counts as Southern. In Texas, they eat one of my favorite things: brisket. Whatever you do, never turn down brisket. The first time I had it, I think I ate a pound of it in one sitting. It's freakin awesome.

Oh! I forgot to explain "country fried steak" and "hamburger steak". You will see these items on menus in small country towns. Country fried steak is just a steak that has been deep fried like fried chicken. So it has that yummy fried chicken crust on it. It's usually topped with gravy. Hamburger steak is basically a burger in fancy clothes: served without a bun, with mashed potatoes on the side, and covered in sauteed mushrooms and mushroom gravy. It's my brother Fat Dog's meal of choice.

We also fry pickles down here. You'll see those at fairs and festivals. (We pretty much fry everything down here...)

I forgot to mention tomato pie (imagine a quiche, only very heavy on the tomatoes) and the importance of Vidalia onions. They are valued above all other onions. We have oodles of Vidalia onion recipes around here. They come from Georgia, you know.

Anything made with peaches is going to be very popular around here, especially where I live. (Trivia fact for you: Most people think Georgia grows the most peaches, but they don't. SC does.) K's mom makes the best dang peach cobbler I've ever had. I need to get that recipe....

Corn is definitely a diet staple. We've talked about grits, but there's also: corn pones (aka Johnnycake), corn fritters (delicious!), corn pudding, creamed corn, etc.

People down here eat quail. Usually they're deep fried (duh). They look like tiny, deep fried turkeys.

I forgot to mention that sometimes, we stuff our turkeys with oyster dressing, instead of sage or Stove Top or whatever. I mean, it's got breadcrumbs in it, so I guess that's not too weird. I've never had it, but I bet it's good. Again, we love our seafood down here.

I also forgot to mention the importance of Cool Whip to our desserts. Pretty much every dessert has Cool Whip in it, on it or near it! But Jell-o? Not so much. We don't eat a lot of Jell-O here. We are more likely to have some rice pudding around. With a dollop of Cool Whip on top. (Dude, when rice pudding is made correctly, it is to DIE for. Cinnamon and raisins are in it....mmmmmm) Chess pies are popular: lemon chess, chocolate chess, etc. You'll hear of vinegar pie (it's good! It's sweet, I promise!) and that is similar to custard pie or Shoo Fly Pie, which is a little more popular in VA. Peanut brittle and key lime pie are popular down here. So is bread pudding (again, don't knock it 'til you try it!). One of the more popular cakes is red velvet cake, although I have no idea why. People go crazy for it. If you're deep, deep down south, you are familiar with King Cake. We don't have it in my part of the country, though.

In the summer, we eat a lot of local watermelon, nectarines, peaches, blackberries and strawberries. Lots of sweet potatoes, tomatoes, squash and coleslaw. We don't really use cabbage for anything else. And of course, it's got tons of mayo.

Now, if you want to go old school in the dessert department, you'll have benne seed candy. I personally don't care for it, but some people like it. Imagine sesame seed brittle. That's pretty regional, though -- SC and GA mostly. That's something they ate in the 1700s.

Squirrel Nut Zippers are not a rock band down here. They are little wrapped candies, kind of like Mary Janes. Only nuttier. But same idea. We also have Moon Pies and Goo Goo Clusters. You'll see them for sale in convenience stores.

We also have a tendency to put Coca-Cola in things: I've heard of Coca-Cola gravy and one of the most popular recipes in the Belle household is Coca-Cola cake. Some people make 7-Up cake, too. You'll hear of people soaking their peanuts in glasses of Coca-Cola.

Speaking of drinks, there are a lot of bourbon and whiskey drinkers down here. We especially like to use those liquors in punches. The Czarina has a recipe for Charleston Light Dragoon Punch, not to be confused with St. Cecilia's Punch. (More on St. Cecilia later...) Wine made from muscadine grapes is also popular. Oh, you'll love to know this little trivia fact: Coors beers were not available on the east coast until....hmmm. I would say the last 30 years or so. Pabst Blue Ribbon was popular, I think.

Cheerwine is a Southern soda pop. It tastes like a combination between cherry soda and Dr. Pepper. Another soda pop we have is RC Cola. It's getting hard to find, now, along with Nehi (pronounced "knee-high", because that's how tall the bottles used to be). Nehi comes in grape and orange...maybe some other flavors, too. It's very popular with children. I haven't seen it since I was a kid. SunDrop is sort of a Mountain Dew knock-off. That's hard to find, too. People who like it LOVE it, though.

Old ladies drink buttermilk sometimes. You'll see it on the menu in mom n pop restaurants in rural areas. Yeah, I don't get it either. Every restaurant in town serves crab cakes. At least, in SC they do. Oh shoot, I'm trying to hold off on restaurant stuff or else this will be too long...I guess I should at least mention that there's a Waffle House on every corner here. That's where you can have your hashbrowns smothered and covered.

Last but not least, the best recipes come from Southern Living or Paula Deen. (She is a culinary goddess down here!)

WHEW! Have I forgotten anything this time??? I promise football is next!

Rosemary

We all know what anniversary it is today. I know I have said some prayers. I hope you will, too.

I signed up for a name at DC Roe's site. He is trying to get bloggers to sponsor each name on the list of victims. I got Rosa Maria ("Rosemary") Chapa. Let me tell you about her. I have tried to find accurate information about her, but there were some conflicting stories on the Internet. All apologies for any inaccuracies.

She grew up in San Antonio, TX and went to Thomas Jefferson High School. Ever since she was a child, she wanted to work at the Pentagon. Through hard work and determination, she managed to work her way up the ranks. For a time, she worked for the Joint Chiefs of Staff. Well liked by her colleagues, she was awarded the Joint Meritorious Civilian Service Award. She was 63 years old and in senior management in the DIA (Defense Intelligence Agency) at the time of the attack. By then, she had been living her dream of working in the Pentagon for over a decade. She was only a few months away from retirement.

In addition to being hard-working, Rosemary was also described as bright, intelligent and optimistic. I think this is evident when looking at the photo above. What a kind and loving face she has. She has a certain glow about her, does she not? One comment I read about her said (and I paraphrase), "What a beautiful place heaven must be, now that she is there."

Rosemary was also selfless and generous with her time and wisdom. One of her coworkers credited Rosemary with his career advancement, saying he wouldn't be where he is today without her guidance and help.

She is greatly missed, not only by her colleagues, but also by her friends and family. Her husband, her father, her 5 children, her 4 siblings, her 5 grandchildren and her two dogs survived Rosemary.

Today, she is buried among heroes and next to her Air Force husband, in Arlington National Cemetery.

Although I never met Rosemary, I feel I do know a little bit about her now. And I am grateful for the opportunity to share with others a tiny slice of her life. It helps her memory to live on a little, even if it is only with strangers.

I was lucky enough not to have any friends or family die in the attacks on 9/11/01. But I do ache at the thought of how devastating this must have been for those who were watching not only their country, but their loved ones, being attacked. I doubt any of us will ever be able to fully understand the pain and anger they must deal with on a regular basis. On days like today, it must be so much worse. My heart goes out to them. I hope that time will help the victims' families and friends find peace.

3% and 9/11

There is something I want all of you to check out. It is a blog run by a guy who is trying to do a memorial for all the people who died in the 9/11 attacks. All you have to do is go to his blog and sign up, saying you will post about the victim on 9/11. He will email you a name of a victim. He even gives you a link for information about the person so you can learn about them.

Until then, you can subscribe to his RSS feed, or just check in periodically for updates. Last I looked, he had about 20% of the names taken. So there are a lot of names up for grabs. I think the grand total is 2,996. If you would like to just spread the word through your blog about this memorial, that would also be appreciated. His idea has to reach a lot of blogs!

On 9/11/06, the 5 year anniversary, the participants will post a tribute to their person. You can do whatever you want-- a poem, a song, or just a regular post. Be as creative as you like. All he asks is that you don't mention the terrorists--this is to remember the victims.

I really hope more people will sign up, because I think this is a really cool idea.

In other news... I just found out yesterday that I will be getting a 3% raise starting next month, and maybe a smidgen more if my annual review goes well. It won't be a lot of extra money, but it definitely helps with gas prices.

Another story I forgot to share: As I was driving to The Czarina's, I got a phone call from a school here in town, asking if I wanted to be interviewed for a media specialist position. While I don't know positively if this is the career route I want to go on, I decided it would be good experience, so I accepted.

They wanted me to interview on Monday. It was Thursday. Not much notice. And to boot, I knew I wouldn't be all that prepared or rested up since I would be at Czarina's between the invite and the interview. I sucked it up and went anyway. I was exhausted. But I made it through. They asked me a lot of really hard questions, like what sort of programs I would initiate, how I would decorate the library, how I would get parents more involved and how I would deal with students who aren't reading at grade level. I had no idea school librarians were in charge of all this stuff! I answered as best I could, considering I hadn't put all that much thought into the position.

The annoying part was, one of the people interviewing me was really rude! First of all, she is one of those people that gives the limp handshake. You know, the ones where they act like they don't want to touch you. They don't move their hands. Ugh, that is one of my biggest pet peeves. I instantly disliked her. Then, during the interview, she kept looking at the clock and staring out the window! Can you believe it? I mean, can't she just fake it for the whole half-hour I was there? Come on! I know interviews aren't the most interesting things in the world, but sheesh!

So it wasn't the best interview of my life, but it wasn't the worst, either. They said they would know by the end of the week. I would be very surprised if I were offered the position, even though I think the principal liked a lot of my answers. It would be a heck of a commute if I got it. And I don't know how much it pays, so that would have to be determined, too.

The Trip

I'm back. I've just been busy with work stuff. Yes, I realize I'm behind on reading people's blogs. I'm working on it. But in order to do so, I have to skim and lurk a lot because it's faster. Trust me, I'm out there.

Um...highlights. First off, I took no pictures. Please don't shoot me. As you will soon realize, there isn't much to see. Other than the pond behind the house, it's pretty boring. Peaceful and rural, but boring.

I had tried to warn K about The Czarina, her parties and staying at her house. It would be more work than play. And K would know no one other than me. I tried to tell her it wouldn't be much fun, but she still said she wanted to go. I was grateful for the company, so I didn't dissuade her as much as I probably should have. So we packed up, grabbed Sammy and picked up the 20 lbs. of BBQ, as requested by Czarina.

Since I had to pick up RP from Charleston before heading to Czarina's, four hours were added to my trip. So what was normally a 6 hour trip became a 10 hour trip. Not fun. But not terrible. For the first time, I had company with me in the car. It made it much more bearable. I had people to talk to and people to hand me stuff, which was nice.

Sammy slept and farted during the entire car ride.

We get to Czarina's, where she and my little sister, Smurf, greet us. We unpacked and were all sitting and relaxing in the living room. Czarina was telling us about my brother's dog, who peed on the rug a couple of weeks previously. She was still pretty pissed off about it. Right as she is telling us about this, Sammy proceeds to walk up to the chair I'm sitting in and lift his leg. He peed on her chair. Oops.

Aside from this bad first impression, she eventually grew to like Sammy.

I had forgotten that Czarina is a major cheapskate when it comes to air conditioning. The thermostat was set at 76 or higher, so I basically sweated like a buffalo the entire time. I think I took 7 cold showers in three days. Luckily, this didn't seem to bother anyone but me.

We were all pretty exhausted from driving all day, so we didn't do much the first night. The Czarina was in a pretty bad mood, due to the pre-party planning stress. K said she felt very intimidated, which was understandable. Czarina was at her frostiest. I told K she would calm down when her best friend arrived. (RP's mom is her best friend.)

The next day, I gave K a grand tour of my hometown (pop. 17,000). The main retail outlet in my hometown is a huge furniture warehouse. There are also a couple of cutesy preppy clothing stores-- not really our style. We did some window shopping, but since neither one of us has the space or money for major furniture purchases or a love affair with Izod, we were pretty much bored after an hour. We were hot, so we decided to hit DQ. We ordered two medium sized milkshakes, which surprisingly cost us almost $8! After getting over our sticker shock, we went to Wally World. Czarina needed some party supplies. Then we went home. Later on, RP's mom arrived, so Czarina's mood improved greatly.

K and I took Smurf to go see Click that night. It was ok. Not Adam Sandler's best. The morality issue was really beaten like a dead horse. But it does beg the question: What would you pause, FF, rewind, skip or stop in your life? Hmmm...food for thought.

The next morning was spent helping Czarina clean and get ready for the party. Not fun, but necessary. I tried to warn K that we would probably be doing some cleaning on this trip, but she said that was fine. I also tried to warn her that this was not going to be a fun family get-together kind of party. 99% of the guests were going to be more interested in discussing politics than pop culture. Again, K said this would be ok. (Czarina and I don't think she had much fun. We are both harboring guilt trips about it.)

The rest of the P family arrived, along with my brothers, Fat Dog and Fungus. Fat Dog brought his dog, Newton. He and Sammy were instant best friends and proceeded to take turns humping each other for the next 13 hours straight. This was very entertaining for all of us. They also explored the woods together, gathering ticks and chasing critters. If it weren't for Sammy's squeaky toy, he probably would have run away! I had a hard time finding him a couple of times during the weekend. But he had a good time.

People started arriving around 2pm. All in all, about 55 of my parents' closest friends came. Notice I said parents' friends. As the oldest kid there, I knew or at least remembered most of them, but even I struggled with some names and faces. And they all wanted to ask me about politics, law or my dad's career. I don't know much about any of these topics, but I do know enough to get by. Kinda. So I faked my way through every conversation. This is very stressful, because I'm sure they were all thinking, "His own daughter doesn't know about that?" I felt like a fraud.

If it wasn't the third degree about politics, then it was the old men who would corner me, talking about really really boring stuff. I would get stuck listening to them bitch about politics or academia for 45 minutes before I could mumble an excuse and make my escape.

For the first time in my life, I prayed that someone would ask me why I was still single.

Wasn't this supposed to be a party? Can't they all just get drunk and leave me alone? Isn't there someone here who just wants to talk about college football or Hogan Knows Best?

At one point, about two hours into these intellectual conversations, my brain started to hurt. So I escaped and went downstairs where K, my siblings and RP's siblings were. It didn't seem fair--I had to play co-hostess, and they were down in the basement, having fun. They had beers and cigarettes, they were playing pool and laughing. There was no conversation about anything requiring a PhD. But unfortunately, I was the oldest "kid", and somehow, age 27 left me straddling the "kiddie" room and the adult cocktail party going on upstairs. I felt I had a duty, but longed to have some fun.

"I swear, if I have to have one more boring conversation or answer another question about Dad's books, I'm going to scream," I said as I grabbed GP's cigarette and took two long drags. (GP is RP's sister.) They laughed. I told them they didn't know what I was going through up there. Then I went back up. At the very least, by being upstairs I could make sure we would be eating on time--I was starved!

Finally, at 6:30 we ate. BBQ, baked beans, coleslaw, potato chips and iced tea. And cake for dessert. Yum! (Except for the coleslaw and tea, that is.) Sammy was apparently fed lots of BBQ at some point during the evening. Don't ask how I know this. After dinner, most of the guests left. It was mostly just the P family and a couple of old family friends who hung around, drinking and lighting fireworks.

By 9pm, K and I were bushed. Plus, we knew we would be driving back the next morning. So we went to bed early, much to the dismay of the other "kids". After trying to sleep through the fireworks show, we were awakened by Fungus. 5 times. He kept opening up the door to our room and turning on the light and saying, "Y'all don't want to hang out?" We would have gotten up to strangle him if we had had any energy. We settled for locking the door.

In the morning, I went downstairs for my morning cup of coffee. One of my favorite things about my mom is that she understands the importance of having lots of coffee, ready to drink, every morning without fail. She didn't let me down. As I was sipping and studying the disaster zone that was formerly the kitchen, I realized something gritty was under my feet. And all over the countertop. And all in the sink. It was pretty much everywhere. Using some rudimentary investigative skills, I determined that some drunk person had tried to open a bottle of pepper blend and had somehow managed to sprinkle its entire contents everywhere. It was like a pepper parade had been thrown. I chuckled to myself as I figured it looked like a Fungus job.

Czarina knew I had to hit the road. She packed up the leftover BBQ and cake for us (YESSS!) as she explained that there would have been more leftovers if my drunken brothers hadn't had a late night feast. "That's ok," I replied. "They have to clean up all this mess!"

K and I showered and packed. I took Sammy out to potty before we got in the car. He went straight for the pile of vomit in the yard and began to try and lick it. Great. Another Fungus job, I am sure. After stopping Sammy, we grabbed RP and hit the road. It was another 10 hour trip, complete with diet coke and Combos. Only this time, it was raining, so we had no relief from Sammy's farts.

Early Thursday 13

I will be leaving to go to The Czarina's in the morning, so I will post this very quickly since I'm at work and we are closing in 10 minutes!

13 Things About My Trip Home

1. I am bringing Sammy and K with me.

2. We have to go to Charleston to pick up RP, a friend of the family. He goes to The Citadel and his family is very very close to mine. So he is going with us, too. His 'rents are paying for my gas (YESSSS!).

3. I also have to pick up 20 pounds of pulled pork BBQ at 7 am before I hit the road. I live in the heart of BBQ land, so Czarina asked me to bring the good stuff. Thanks, Sticky Fingers! (They are very delish, and you can order stuff from their website.)

4. Why so much BBQ? Because we are having a big party on Saturday. About 60 people. Mostly friends of the family. We decided to honor my dad with an annual BBQ on his birthday every year. It was partially my idea-- I don't want his birthday to be sad for me every year. So we decided to have an annual party near his b-day.

5. I am so excited to see all of these people! Many of them are friends of my parents who have known me since I was in diapers. Lots of them are godparents, kids I grew up with or just people I love. My extended family isn't that big, so this is as close as it gets to a family reunion for me.

6. Sammy will meet his (doggy) cousin, Newton the Jack Russell. Cross your fingers that they get along ok. Sammy will probably hump him.

7. I am looking forward to my official road trip food: Wendy's, Laffy Taffy, Combos, diet Coke, apples, granola bars and string cheese. Of course, you know as well as I do what will get eaten first...

8. I will be out of the loop while I am there: my cell doesn't work, Czarina only has dial-up. I'll try to stay in touch, but no promises. Repo will have to rely on me to initiate contact, as he is scared shitless of The Czarina. As well he should be....

9. Potential activities include: taking K to see the house where I grew up (an old farmhouse), playing 17 games of Scattergories with Smurf, watching far too much TV, eating lots of ice cream (the only junk food Czarina keeps around), doing crossword puzzles over morning coffee, watching the pond and its various wildlife and going to the grocery store every day. Oh, and reading.

10. Yes, I will take pictures and share. Czarina truly lives in nowhere's land. It is rur-al. I'm talking beavers, bears and bobcats in the backyard, here, peeps.

11. I still haven't packed. Crap.

12. I have two new CDs to listen to on the way up. I always burn new ones before road trips.

13. I'll be back on Sunday! Wish me luck. I always hit traffic jams on I-95 on the way home.

Thursday 13

Yeah, I'm too lazy to dig up the code and copy it here. Sue me.

13 Things Weighing on My Mind Today

1. Today was the day I got the news that my baby brother died. He was 18. Sudden drowning accident. No time to say goodbye. It's the two-year anniversary. If you have been paying attention, he died 8 months before my dad died. There is (obviously) more I can say about this, but I don't want to talk about it any more today.

2. I estimate I have spent between $700-800 on medical bills since March. The good news? My dentist is the BEST EVER. I didn't even feel anything when they filled my cavity today. I almost fell asleep, actually. It was a walk in the park.

3. I need to find a part-time job for some cash! Soon!

4. Sammy needs some discipline stat before he becomes the most obnoctious dog in the neighborhood. Sammy also cost me $800. (If you include the vet bills.)

5. I have to figure out what I'm going to do on my weeklong vacation now that I'm not going to Germany. It has to be free or close-to-free. See #1 and #2 above. Luckily, I have a free domestic round-trip Delta flight. If they cooperate with me this time. Must think of something fun...

6. I'm seriously going to think about a career change and actually do something about it. I'm tired of letting other people make me doubt myself and my goals. I (think) I know what I want to do. Life is too short to wait around. I'm really excited.

7. God, I hope none of my coworkers are still reading this blog. I don't know what they would think about #6.

8. Repo has no idea I keep this blog. He probably wouldn't like it, even though he is totally anonymous here and none of his friends know about this. I don't really know what to do about that because as hard as I try not to talk about my relationship here, it just keeps creeping in. But I am being pretty good at leaving the personal stuff out. There's LOTS I'm not telling you guys. He'd be pretty impressed, actually.

9. I have a grand total of $5.41 in my checking account right now. Oh, and $2.oo in my wallet. I think. Thank God for payday.

10. I haven't been exercising or eating right in about a month. My ass is expanding at the speed of light and soon I won't be able to fit into any of my clothes. Luckily, the doctor told me that I can now take showers (YAY) and go to the gym (YAY) without bothering my ass-wound. I just have to change the band-aid ASAP in those situations. Oh, and I don't have to go to the doctor anymore and get my ass stuffed. This is awesome.

11. I hope I can find some decent rhubarb at the grocery store. I want to bake a pie (in addition to a ton of other stuff, like tapioca pudding) this weekend. Shit, this conflicts directly with #10. And #9.

12. I owe at least $17 at the public library. [Insert irony here. I am a librarian who is blocked from using the library.] What do I really feel like doing this weekend? Reading. Since I'm broke and have no travel plans and don't have Monday off anyway. But that's ok. I have lots of purchased books at my house. Like this one, which I will start tonight.

13. I have about 25 Vicodins left. And no pain as an excuse to use them. I am missing the buzz. For real. I am why this stuff is Rx only. Addiction is my middle name. You'd be like that too if you couldn't drink alcohol and didn't do any drugs. I crave being f--ked up sometimes.

14. (Shut it. This is my blog. If I want 14 in a list of 13, that is my business.) I am sad for K and Navy Guy. This is their last weekend together because he is getting shipped out from Norfolk, VA on June 2nd. He will be gone for 6 months. When he gets back, he will live in Norfolk. They are very sad and I think they will probably end up breaking up. I will miss seeing him. So will Sammy. Nice guy. If he's in town, he cleans our apartment while we are at work. It makes me sad to hear situations like this. There is no way they would break up if it weren't for this little glitch. Six months at sea followed by three years of a seven hour driving distance doesn't look good.

Please do not worry about me. I just re-read this list and it sounds so pessimistic! I am not moping, I promise. I'm actually in a very excited state--I can feel lots of changes coming around the bend. The good, action-packed, making better use of my life kind of changes. Most of my stress is coming from financial stuff right now. And I'm lucky that is the main source, because I can do something about it. I have my health back mostly (finally!) and that is really important. So is the fact that no one else in my family is dying. It could be so much worse. Luckily, I have good friends, a sweet boyfriend and a very funny little dog to make me happy. I'll be ok.

Just need to use that $2.00 to buy a lottery ticket!

WLF

This weekend marked the one-year anniversary of my father's death. He had COPD (like emphysema). It has been a long and difficult year, but my family is hanging in there. Although The Czarina always wore the pants in the family, Dad was the rock upon which we were all based.

To date, he is the only person whom I believe loved me unconditionally. No one was ever more excited to talk to me or see me. Every time I would leave, he would give me these big, sad puppy-dog eyes and plead with me to stay just one more day. I was quite the Daddy's Girl, I guess. I miss him every day. It's still hard not to cry, and probably will be for some time.

In a lot of ways, I feel his presence and know that he is with us, watching. (Some of these ways are kind of creepy in a ghost-story kind of way. Maybe I'll tell you about them one day.) I'll never hear his voice again or have him walk me down the aisle, but he has given me things which I will have for the rest of my life: a love of learning, a love of all things Southern, and a love of dessert. He gave me a few nicknames, one of which is the title of this blog. He left behind a large, loving family, a really messy office and some of the most loyal friends anyone could ask for. He also left behind a dozen or so stuffed animals (the taxidermy kind, not the toy kind). I will be sure to carry on our shared personality traits. I, too, am patient, affectionate and goofy. I too love history, ghost stories and candy. He taught me how to drive stick-shift cars, how to have fun while still making good grades in college and how to discern The Czarina's mood swings.

It was The Czarina's idea to make me keep every letter she and Dad wrote to me when I was in college and when I was a teacher. I'm really glad I listened to her, because as I was cleaning out some stuff the other day, I came upon one. It was short--all it said was

Why? Because you need it and because I love you.--W.L.F.

I remember that it held a $50 check for a bill I couldn't pay. He signed it W.L.F., a nickname he gave himself. It stands for World's Leading Father. And he was.

Wherever you are, W.L.F., I miss you and love you. I hope I make you proud every day.