Tuesday, January 30, 2007

Hot Neighbor and Fun Bobby

Readers, I need your advice.

I wish I could say I had news about Hot Neighbor. But I don't. I haven't really seen him.

Except this one time. *shudders*

You see, I think The Universe is trying to tell me, "Do not date this man." Why? I have my reasons....

1. He has yet to see me looking nice. Am I having a bad hair day? Wearing a goofy outfit? Just got up? Have a giant zit on my chin? Am dressed like a Professional Couch Potato? Then this is the day I will see Hot Neighbor. He will want to talk to me, and the whole time, I am cringing. I want to interrupt him mid-sentence and say, "I can look really nice! I swear! I have high heels and makeup that I like to wear! I'm just going to the gym, that's why I look like this! Normally I am presentable and chic! I clean up really well!!!"

See, if he would just ask me out, I'd have a reason to look nice. But whatever...

The other morning, I was awakened by my doorbell. Groggy and disheveled, I opened my front door. Horrifically, it was Hot Neighbor. Fuuuuuuuuuuuuck. I thought.

Dirty hair? check.
Sleeping in to an absurdly late hour? check.
Pre-coffee brain? check.
Morning breath? check.
Oh-so-sexy flannel pjs? check.
No makeup? check.
New zits? check check.

He apologized twice for waking me up, and then started telling me about his brother of all things. Something about his brother wanting to attend the college where I work and did I know anything about admissions and registration?

I answered his questions, squinting at the sunlight and mumbling incoherently until he went away. I closed the door. Could that have gone any worse?? I doubt it. Maybe if I had barfed on myself. Or on him. I banged my head against the door, bemoaning my poor luck, and then went back to sleep.

When I got up, I wondered why in the hell he was even asking me all that stuff. It's on the website. There's a phone number he could call. Most people would just call or look it up themselves, instead of walking to a neighbor's house and waking them up. Was this an excuse to talk to me? And I just royally f--ked it up? Wonderful.

So I'd like to hear what my male readers have to say about this. What is he thinking when he sees me looking like a bag lady? Does anyone have any advice, other than looking really good every time I step outside? Can I do some damage control? Or are things beyond repair?

2. Ok, this one is just me being superstitious. But his license plate ends with the following letters: URX. As in, "Your Ex". I am taking this as a sign that he is just like some awful ex-boyfriend of mine. Like The Universe is trying to say, "Look, date him if you want. But in the end, he'll end up being just like all your other exes. Don't say I didn't warn you." I know I sound crazy. But I have noticed that some people's supposedly "random" license plate letters can be quite telling.

3. In the past two weeks, we are never outside at the same time. One of us is always inside. Which makes having conversations difficult. Obviously. The lack of communication is letting me think about the situation, though. Do I really want to date my neighbor? If it ended, it would be awkward at best and disastrous at worst. Do I really want to date someone with three kids? That's a lot of kids. Cute or not, it's a big responsibility. Scenes of that Julia Roberts movie, Stepmom, keep flashing through my head. Do I want to be that girl? Dealing with exes and in-laws?

Don't you love that I imagine all of these things, when he hasn't even hinted at asking me out? I'm ridiculous.

Of course, it would help if he'd stop wearing plain white t-shirts. They fit him just-so. I get a little peek at his biceps. Mmmm. Plain white t-shirts are one of the sexiest things a guy can wear. Especially if he pairs it with jeans and bare feet. I know that sounds weird. But it is the hottest thing a guy can wear. It even beats tuxes in my book.

Time for a subject change. So I can get that image out of my head...

Fun Bobby. Ok, that worked.

Fun Bobby and I have talked twice now. He still hasn't sealed the deal. This is irritating because it wastes my time. We have established that we can have decent (read: very average) conversations. It's time to see if there is in-person chemistry. We've gone as far as we can without having an actual date. He's hinted around at asking me out, but still nothing. (Male readers--are you taking notes? Don't be a Fun Bobby.)

Aside from this irritation, Fun Bobby has something else working against him: his personality is....average. He's nice. He sometimes says something sorta funny--enough for a polite chuckle. He seems smart. But overall, he's just kinda...eh.

Last night, Healthy Girl had a dinner party. (I met Fun Bobby through her.) So Fun Bobby was at the dinner party. And I realized why I didn't remember meeting him the first time--in person, he's also just...eh. He's "eh" in pretty much every way, from what I can tell. So I am officially not interested in going out with him. Fun Bobby just isn't....fun enough.

Considering I spent most of the evening catching up with two girlfriends I haven't seen in about a month, here's to hoping he won't call me. I'm hoping he will take that as a sign. Or a hint. Or something discouraging.

Unfortunately, I think he will call. So I have to give my "I'm sorry, but I..." speech. I hate giving that speech. It makes me feel bad. But I will have to give it, because nothing is worse than going on a date where you know you are wasting time and money. Where you watch the guy put forth all this effort, knowing that it's a lost cause. That's the worst feeling. Somewhere out there, is a girl who really will see him as FUN Bobby. She needs to meet him. Which means he needs to remain single.

Some girls can give pity dates, or "freebie" dates where they give the guy one more chance. Not me. If the chemistry ain't there, it just ain't. Guys don't grow on me. They hit me like a brick wall.

Guys prefer the upfront honesty, right? No one wants a pity date, right?

In other news...this diet stuff is for the birds, y'all. I could really go for some chocolate cake and french fries. But I've already lost 5 pounds [readers applaud and cheer] so I'm not turning back now. I'll get used to it soon enough. I just have to let myself have the occassional treat so I don't lose what's left of my mind.

Luckily, Healthy Girl makes very low-cal, healthy food, so her dinner parties are guilt-free. She even had sugar-free gingerbread cookies for us.

Tuesday nights are Major Gym Night. This is usually when I hit the gym for 2 hours. That way, if I do have a few fries or chocolate cake bites, it won't mess me up too badly. Is anyone else doing Weight Watchers? That's what I'm doing. I've done it before and I lost a ton of weight. So I'm back on the wagon again.

Crap, now I'm hungry.

14 comments:

teahouse said...

Hahahha..poor Fun Bobby.

I've known many Fun Bobbies. They're nice guys, though. Just shy and in need of practice.

As for the neighbor, sounds like the college admissions thing was an excuse to talk to you!

Justin said...

I think you should take matters into your own hands with your neighbor, by, say, making yourself sensationally hot, but, you know, casually hot, and then knocking on his door on a ridiculously flimsy pretext to have a conversation.

I would not worry about not being attractive when you see him. At all. Who cares, he's a guy. He doesn't notice things. This is his attention span:

Oops, it's over. So don't worry about what you looked like at other times. You just need to think up ways to interact with him where you are more in control.

cmk said...

Bring a plate of homemade cookies to your neighbor as a 'that's okay that you woke me up' gift. He apologized TWO times, so he felt bad about it. Make up some excuse as to why you were still sleeping that late--insomnia, bad headache, etc--and tell him you are sorry he felt so bad. Put on something that is casually nice and see what happens then. At the least, maybe you two could wind up being good friends. (I know, you might want more, but at least you will be able to remain friendly!)

As for the new Weight Watchers diet: I GAIN weight on it. Just doesn't work for me like it did in the old days. My husband, on the other hand, can lose weight on it just by thinking! It is not fair.

m said...

I think hot neighbor has set the stage with his unannounced visit.

My advice would have been to not answer the door. But since you did....now, it is your turn to visit him looking super hot. Something quick. Just to tease him.

SJ said...

Hey, first yes, I agree that in person from Hot Neighbor was a reason to talk to you. However, like you, I like to sleep in on the weekends, and just because he had kids and is used to getting up at 6 to watch cartoons doesn't mean he should think anyone else would be. Doesn't he remember BC (Before Children)? Secondly, just out of curiousity, how old is he? And second, I think kids is way too much baggage, I don't know if that's something I could ever really get over. Maybe it would be better to just crush on him. I just couldn't deal with kids, and that's something you need to think about, you'll never be his first priority.

Good for you for those 5 lbs! That's great! I agree with CMK though, I tend to gain on WW, the problem is they let you eat anything, you just have to do it in moderation...yea right, I have no self-control. I have to be told EXACTLY WHAT to eat and EXACTLY WHEN to eat it. I'm doing good on that book "You on a Diet." I've also lost 5 lbs and gone to the gym every day for the past 2 weeks!!

Lisa said...

Am completely lost on the guy stuff... Guy with three kids? eeek. That would send me running for the hills and I even HAVE one. heehee.

ANyway congrats on the pounds lost.

Burg said...

Maybe hot neighbor wants to fix you up with his brother... Or they run a porno ring.. I say something's fishy.

lenfercestlesautres said...

I'd agree with Justin: guys don't notice things. At least, most of them don't.
But really, a guy with 3 kids?

Stuck said...

First, he has three kids. That is something that, personally, I would avoid. Too much drama.

Second, he has three kids. This means he's probably seen a woman look about as awful as possible at least three times. (I'm talking about the delivery room, not the bedroom) He's offically beyond paying attention to looks, so don't feel like you need to look your best when checking the mail.

Third, he wanted to talk to you in person, and that was a good reason for him to do it.

Finally, URX could also be read as "irks," which isn't as dark as "Your Ex" So rather than break up with you, maybe he'll just annoy you forever.

*looks at his own tags and tries to figure out what HTR says about him*

Megan said...

i agree with cmx about baking him something and stopping by. great idea!

about weight watchers...that is what i am doing. i have lost a little over 6 pounds. like you i have done it before and lost a lot of weight! but let my old habits come back...and they brought the weight!

if you are craving chocolate cake buy the ww 1 point cakes. and if you want french fries, bake some at home (only 2pts). there are ways to get around those cravings and not gain.

(okay...stepping off the soap box)

i say go for it with hot neighbor!

lenfercestlesautres said...

~stuck: I'm sorry, but "Hot Truck Rider" just popped into my mind :D

Anny said...

this is my take on hot neighbor: now that he's seen u at ur worst, it's all uphill from here, and he'll be impressed with whatever's next, even if all u decide to do is comb your hair. tee hee. :)

Meghan (The Declaration of MY Independence) said...

OK so as far as Hot Neighbor goes, I wouldn't worry so much about the 3 kids, but what about the lady (possibly the mother?) that keeps hanging around? Would you be able to deal with that? I know I wouldn't! Haha! I agree with anny, only uphill from there! Also, I'm sure you didn't look like a troll ascended from the underworld either when you answered the door, even though you may have felt like it. And being that he is a guy, I have to agree with everyone else that he probably didn't even notice (even though I'm sure you looked FINE!).

So Fun Bobby=Not So Fun Bobby? That stinks, but be glad your not that girl that just goes on dates for the hell of it. Its always good to have standards.

I did Weight Watchers over and over. And you know what? It works. However, as soon as I stop it I put the weight back on plus some and thats no good for me. I'd rather just do my own diet. Do you go to the meetings?

Congrats on loosing the 5 lbs! I found it!

Bossy said...

I started WW over two years ago, when I was probably about 30 lbs overweight... I lost 10 or 15 lbs. Then I stopped going. But I have lost about 10 more, slowly, over the past couple of years. It's b/c after WW, I FINALLY learned about portions and eating SLOWLY.

And too funny.... b/c Tuesday nights are my big workout nights also. Running then a kickass yoga class that leaves me sore for 2 days.